Who should be the head of the family? Male and female roles in the family.

Who is the head of the family - husband or wife, or no main, or both main? Folk wisdom says: the husband is the head, the wife is the neck. Both are important. But still the head is the husband. Why is that? The answer to this question lies in the field of psychology and ethics. family relations. Everyone must find their place in this world and their duties to Nature, to have an idea of ​​what Good and Evil are, and what is “good” and what is “bad”.

The little son came to his father,
and asked the little one:
- What is good
and what is bad?

Vladimir Mayakovsky

Ethics of family relations

The most important thing is what you can't see with your eyes.

Ethics- a philosophical doctrine that gives an answer to the question of how to live correctly. In the transition from life under the guidance of instincts to a life of meaning, it is necessary to develop understanding on many issues of relationships and life in general. The main problems of ethics are the problem of criteria for good and evil, the problem of happiness, the problem of the meaning of life and the purpose of a person. Ethics is a "social regulator" of behavior and relations between people. The main task ethics is the study of human relations in their most perfect form. Ethics does not give recipes for every occasion of life. It gives a general direction. Unethical behavior can be briefly described as personalization that creates conflict and tension. The ethics of family relations teaches, without “breaking” or “re-educating” each other, to respect the individuality of the other and to adapt to each other in various family situations.

Knowing the world we learn to understand ourselves. By and large, the meaning of life is to be born human (physiologically, the birth has already taken place). Man is born to learn fundamental spiritual lessons:

Love;
- Patience;
- Moderation;
- Devotion;
- Faith.

These qualities are very necessary in marriage, where they unite perfectly different people- Man and woman.

Confrontation between the feminine and the masculine

Married life is every day a war and every night a truce ...

All human history is a confrontation between women and masculine. What is feminine and masculine? Any existence is based on two principles, two principles - it is variability and immutability. What changes - active, mobile, subject to change, the beginning, the other - stable, passive - preserves us as a whole. Male, active seeks to change, female, passive - to keep. The opposition of the sexes has always existed and will always exist. But what is the meaning in it? The interaction of two opposite forces, the collision of the active (male) and receptive (female) gives rise to the third pole, gives rise to love, gives birth to life.
When separating the two principles, it is important to be aware of their interconnection at the same time. Susceptibility is one of the forms of activity. Ordinary activity is a giving beginning, it can also be called an initiating beginning. The perceiver must be active in perceiving. In this case, a third pole appears between them, which acts as an independent force, an independent entity, called love. If the second pole is unreceptive, passive, then the third pole cannot be established. As soon as love arises, two become a triad, although it seems to us that this is a couple. A third pole is established between them - love. Love is an independent entity, the result of the interaction of male and female. feminine. A man and a woman are two opposites, two elements, two notes, but in one chord.

Who is the head of the family?

There is nothing better than a good wife...
Hesiod

Here we again return to role relationships (see articles and), but already on a more high level development. There are no main or minor roles. Based on the roles, there are rights and obligations. Understanding the behavior patterns of men and women helps a lot here (see article). In a real family, both people are the main ones, they do not seek to suppress each other. At the same time, many people know that when there is no holder of a controlling stake in a company of two co-owners, the company is doomed in advance. Because a 50-50 stock split is a ticking time bomb that will explode sooner or later. There are no two captains - neither on ships nor in airplanes. Another thing is that there is always a navigator on the plane and on the ship. His task is to determine the route. Navigator (neck) is, according to folk wisdom, wife. It is very important to understand this. The role of the navigator is just as important as the role of the captain. And his function is to play the role of navigator well, and not to try to overcome the captain. Everyone must play their part.

All men want to be the head of the family, but not everyone succeeds. Why do they want to be in charge? Because this corresponds to the essence of the masculine principle - active, initiating, prone to change. important task role structure of the family is the distribution of roles in decision-making. And all that remains for men is either to accept the situation as it is or to defend their natural right to the leader's jersey. Traditionally, formal headship is attributed to the husband, while actual personal headship is more in the hands of the wife. The head of the family is the husband, he is the head of the executive branch. And the woman, as the founder of the family (see article), her legislator, hires a man to work. A wise wife, as the founder of the family and the actual, but hidden (indirect, indirect) leader, knows how to obey her husband. Or "how to obey", not objecting to trifles, supporting his status in every possible way and quietly guiding him when making really important decisions. A wise wife (neck) prepares a decision, and gives it to her husband, the head of the family (head), to voice it. The ability to obey is a real talent real woman. The strength of a woman lies in helping a man to reach his potential. Men are much better at making money, and women are much better at housekeeping and creating comfort. As soon as a woman takes her place correctly, the course of the family ship levels off - swimming becomes much more comfortable. Belinsky once aptly said: "A woman gains incredible strength when she becomes weak." In the event of a desire for a husband or wife to usurp power, to fully appropriate the primacy in the family, conflicts arise.

Family life is never easy, problems and misunderstandings are present in every family, but if you really love each other, any conflict can be resolved. The most important function of the family is the function of satisfying a person's need for happiness. The path to happiness is long and rough, fraught with hardship, and requires endless patience. And if after many attempts you have not found it - keep looking. Believe - there is happiness. It is always there, you just need to be able to see it.

“Fairy. Blue Bird is just what I need. I am looking for her for my granddaughter, my granddaughter is very sick.
Tiltil. What with her?..
Fairy. Hard to understand. She wants to be happy...”
strange people these People!.. When the Fairies died out, people went blind, but they don't even notice it...
TYLTYL. True, true, I have a bird... Where is she?.. Ah, here is the cage!.. Wait, wait!.. Why, it's blue! I was leaving, it was not so blue! .. Why, this is the Blue Bird we were looking for! .. We followed her to such a distance, and it turns out she is here! ..
"Blue Bird Maurice Maeterlinck

MALE AND FEMALE ROLES

Female roles:

housewife

The male and female roles clearly defined above are not just customs or traditions, but God established order. It was God who made the man the head of the family, saying to Eve: “Your desire is for your husband, and he will ruleover you." The man was also destined to become a protector, as he was given strong muscles, great physical endurance and masculine courage. In addition, God commanded him to provide for his family, saying: “In the sweat of your face you will eat bread,until you return to the ground from which you were taken, for dust you are and to dust you shall return.” This command was given to a man, not a woman (Genesis 3:16,19).

A woman has a different purpose. She must be byhelper, mother and mistress of the house. In Hebrew, the word assistant means a woman standing in front of him. Such a value cancels the idea that only minor, insignificant roles are destined for a woman. This meaning of the word byhelper explains that woman was created equal to man. In The Allure of the Feminine, we use the word assistant to denote the role of a wife in the sense that the wife understands, supports, and sometimes helps her husband. Since the biological characteristics of a woman make it possible for her to bear children, her role mothers undeniable. Role homemadeher mistress also, there is no doubt: she must raise children, run the household in order to free her husband to fulfill his functions as the breadwinner of the family (Genesis 2:18).

Male and female roles different in function But equalby importance. In Henry A. Bowman's Marriage in modern society» the author compares the partnership in marriage with such images as a key and a lock, connected together in a functional unity. He writes: “Together they can do what neither of them alone can do. The task will not be completed if two locks or two keys take over. Each of the partners is unique, but no one, taken separately, is perfect. Their roles are not identical or interchangeable. Neither is superior to the other, since both are necessary. Each must be judged according to his functions, as they complement each other."

Division of labor

As you can see, the main task of the family stems from division of labor. Interestingly, modern researchers have proven that this ancient design is the most the best option cooperation of people. In the 1970s, several major industries in America joined forces in a research project to identify the most efficient structure in which friendly work without disagreements in teams, especially regarding psychological compatibility.

Research, in particular, took place in hippie communities that appeared somewhat earlier, in the 1960s. These groups of idealists were not built on the principles of the division of labor, but on equality. Men and women evenly distributed daily chores among themselves. Women worked side by side with men in the fields and building shelters. Men, along with women, were engaged in household chores and raising children.

The scientists found an interesting fact: equality was not consistent with the differences that are characteristic of men and women. Women were better at certain types of jobs, while men were better at others. Women's hands, more gentle and dexterous, darned and sewed more efficiently, and men were better adapted to carrying weights and digging. However, the most striking discovery of scientists was the fact that when people tried to do work on an equal footing, disagreements began. People argued, fought and even hated each other. For this reason, entire communities fell apart. Scientists have come to the conclusion that the best option organization of teamwork is division of labor. So God has a perfect plan for the family.

The greatest success in the life of a family comes when the husband and wife faithfully and faithfully fulfill their roles. On the other hand, the biggest problems arise when one of them cannot or does not want to play his role, takes on the role of others, or shows too much concern about playing or not playing the role of another.

To excel in your role with great feelingyour responsibility, take on the performance of your own female role. Let it cares only you. Of course, you can hire assistants to guide you. household Or get your kids to help you. But it is you who should be responsible for the order in this area.

To achieve even greater success, you need to master the female skills and abilities. Learn how to cook, clean up the house and manage the household in general. Learn women's thrift and how to raise children. Forget about yourself and devote yourself entirely to achieving well-being and happiness for your family.

Three male needs

To succeed in building a family, help your husband to succeed in his role. To do this, realize three male needs:

1. A man must function in his male role as head of the family, protector and breadwinner.

2. He must feel the need of the family for him to fulfill this role.

3. He needs to be superior to a woman in this role.

1. The implementation of the male role in practice. First, he needs to fulfill this role in real life as chaptersfamilies. He must see respect and support from the family towards himself. Secondly, he must really provide for the family meet her immediate needs and do it on her own, without outside help. And, thirdly, he should act as a protector of the family, protecting it from danger, adversity and difficulties.

2. He must see in the family the need for this male role. He needs to see that the family really needs in him as in his head, protector and breadwinner. When a woman begins to earn enough to provide for herself, when she finds her own place in life, becoming independent of her husband, she ceases to need him. For him, this is a huge loss. His masculine need to see the need for him as a man is so strong that when the need for him disappears, he may doubt the very meaning of his existence. This situation may affect his attitude towards his wife, since his romantic feelings arose in part from her need for protection, shelter, and provision.

3. He must surpass the woman in the performance of his husbandrole. A man is usually aware of the need to perform this role more effectively than a wife. However, a dangerous situation can arise when a woman achieves great success in his field, when she occupies a higher position, earns more or succeeds in everything that requires the application of the forces, skills or abilities inherent in men.

The failure of society

Unfortunately, we see how these age-old principles are violated in modern society. Women have invaded the world of men. We have a generation of working mothers competing with men to achieve greater results, more prestigious positions and higher salaries.

Not all is well at home either. A woman takes on the function of a leader and tries to do everything in her own way. The wife who knows how to unconditionally trust her husband, obeys his leadership and is ready to lean on his hand has almost disappeared. A woman performs many male functions herself. The independence of women has led to the fact that they no longer feel the need for male protection and provision, and this is a great loss for both of them.

Since a man does not see the vital necessity in the performance of his male function, he does not see the need for himself, and therefore does not feel like a real man. When a woman takes on male roles, she also takes on masculine traits to better fit the job. This means - less femininity, the loss of feminine tenderness and charm. As she takes on masculine responsibilities, she begins to experience ever-increasing stress, becomes more nervous and anxious. This leads to a loss of peace, and this is very valuable quality if she wants to succeed in building a happy home. When she spends her time and energy doing men's work, she neglects important functions that are peculiar to her. As a result, the whole family is a loser.

To succeed

To succeed, one must firmly remember the male role of head of the family, protector and breadwinner. Remember, if you want your husband to be happy, he must perform husbandrole, to feel that you need him, and to surpass you in the performance of his role. Let him lead the family, do the men's work around the house and provide you with everything you need. And only in case of emergency you will be able to cross the line between your roles and take on the performance of men's work.

When he plays a male role, don't expect perfection from him. Do not find fault with trifles, do not interfere in how he does it. If he neglects to do a man's job and you end up in serious trouble as a result, don't complain. Just tell him, "I have a problem." Clearly and concisely state the essence of the problem and its consequences. Then ask, “What do you think we should do about it?” In this way, you will honor him as the head of the family, put the problem on his shoulders and help him feel needed. If he does not continue to take up the resolution of the problem, be patient. Change doesn't happen quickly.

Next, start praising him. Playing a male role is not easy, and I will explain what I mean shortly. Your praise will be his greatest reward. Be generous with words of gratitude. For him, this is more than a reward for work. And finally, faithfully and constantly fulfill your own household duties. Then you will draw a clear line between your roles and help him succeed in performing male functions.

Role confusion

When male and female roles are not clearly defined, mixing roles. In this case, the woman partly does the work of the man, and the man partly does the work of the woman. If this state of affairs is temporary, it's okay, but if this becomes a way of life, the family is seriously harmed.

Children need to develop in themselves the nature of their sex, and in this regard, they need to see in their parents not a blurred, but a clear image of a man and a woman, in order to take an example from them. The mother shows her feminine image when she plays the female role. When she walks around the house in feminine clothes, performs household duties, tenderly caring for children, nursing a child, she forms a female image in children. If she radiates contentment and happiness in this role, she paints a positive picture of femininity for children.

When a father fills the male role as a strong leader, protector and breadwinner, and when the children have the opportunity to see him in action, when he readily assumes masculine responsibilities and enjoys work, he presents them with an auspicious male image. If there is a clear distinction between men and female image boys will grow up to be masculine, and girls will grow up to be feminine.

But when everything goes wrong, when the roles are blurred, then the family is brewing serious problem. Many instances of homosexuality originated in homes where the roles of men and women were blurred. Girls and boys in such families did not receive a clear understanding of the male and female image, and could not form an ideal that they could imitate.

Children in the process of education must learn a lot in order to become normal, successful and happy people. But there is nothing more important for a boy than to become masculine, and for a girl - to become feminine.

Are the roles fair?

Often, women who are burdened up to their necks with domestic responsibilities, occupied sixteen hours a day in the routine of household chores, question the concept of different roles in the family. They believe that such a division of roles is unfair, because women have to work harder and longer than men. Therefore, they say, men have no right to come home and rest while the wife continues to work. They believe that men should help them around the house and especially in raising children.

At first glance, this statement seems to be true. But there is another point of view on this issue: the female role, no matter how difficult it may be, is relevant only for about twenty years. Even if the family is large, a woman bears the main burden of care for twenty years. Then her life changes. She gains freedom and, as a rule, a lot of free time. But the male responsibility to provide for the family's livelihood lasts a lifetime. Even if he is lucky and he retires on time, he never completely relieves himself of the responsibility for ensuring prosperity in the family. If you accept this point of view, the division of labor for men and women will seem quite fair to you.

I suggest that you remember this period of twenty years. Do your work with joy and willingness, and do not demand too much from your husband. Don't complain if he doesn't help you, keep your marriage happy and cultivate a romantic relationship between you.

MALE LEADERSHIP

A man should play a man's role, feel that you need him, and surpass you in his performance.roles as head of the family, or leader.

The father is the head, president and primate of his family. He was appointed by God to this position, as the Scriptures make clear. The first commandment given to mankind was intended for a woman: "Your desire is for your husband, and he will rule over you." It is quite obvious that our Creator decided that it was very important for a woman to know this commandment, and therefore addressed these instructions specifically to her.

The apostle Paul compared the headship of the man over the wife with the headship of Christ over the Church: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church. But just as the Church is subject to Christ, so are wives to their husbands in everything.” Peter also commanded wives to honor and obey their husbands. He said, “You wives also, be subject to your husbands” (Genesis 3:16; Ephesians 5:23-24, 33; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1).

There is also logical reason why a man should be a leader. In any organization for the correct, without failures of work, there must be a leader. This is the president, captain, manager, director or boss. Such is law and order. A family is a small group of people, and it too needs to be organized to prevent chaos and anarchy. It doesn't matter if the family is small or large. And even if it has only two members, husband and wife, there must be one leader in order for order to reign in it.

But why should a man lead? Why not a woman? Again resorting to logic, it should be said that a man by nature and temperament is a natural leader with a tendency to make decisions and stand on his convictions. A woman, on the other hand, is prone to hesitation. An even stronger justification for nominating a man to a leadership role is the fact that he is the one who earns a living. If he works to provide for his family, he will need a legal basis for this in his life. Women and children adapt more easily to any changes. The last word rightfully belongs to the breadwinner.

Today, everything possible is being done to deprive the family of the headship of the man and to proclaim equality in which husband and wife make decisions by mutual agreement. At first glance, this is a completely reasonable idea, but in real life such an option is impossible and unrealistic. Very few decisions can actually be made by mutual agreement. Husband and wife, most likely, will never agree on certain issues. When a decision needs to be made, someone has to take the responsibility.

It takes time to reach mutual agreement. But it is not always available. Some solutions in Everyday life have to be taken very quickly. For example, take your daughter an umbrella and go to school in the pouring rain or have her father take her to school by car. When the father himself makes a decision, all problems are immediately resolved. And it doesn’t matter if the daughter gets her feet wet or not, because order in the house is more important. But the father should be the head of the family, not only because of the logic of such a situation. The whole point is the fulfillment of God's commandments, for they are all given with meaning and for a specific purpose.

The rights of the head of the family, or leader

1. Establishing family rules. When a family is properly organized, it has certain rules for general behavior and behavior at the table, rules for cleaning the house, spending money, behavior in in public places and use of the family car. Family members can take part in setting the rules. A sensible father can convene family council so that all family members have their say. He can give his wife the opportunity to determine the rules of housekeeping, since this topic is closer to her. But being the head of the family, the last word he keeps to himself.

Family is not a democracy where all issues are resolved painmajority of votes. The family is a theocracy, where the word of the father is law, for God established it so. In the house, the main power belongs to the father, and no other power in the family is recognized. This issue is non-negotiable. Such is the law and order in the Kingdom of God.

You can claim some authority over children because you gave them life and take care of them day in and day out. You can decide on the upbringing and punishment of children, their education, religious beliefs and other important aspects. If you start to clash with your husband on these issues, you will want to have your say. However, you are wrong. You do have to fulfill the sacred duty of motherhood, but you cannot be the head or leader of the family. Your husband- this is the shepherd of the flock, and the reins of government of the family areare in his hands.

2. Decision making. The father also has the right to windowscareful decision on matters related to his personal life, work and family. Usually in the family every day you need to take the most various solutions. Some of them are insignificant, for example, whether to take the dog with you on a picnic or leave it at home. But no matter how simple problems are, solutions still need to be made, and sometimes they need to be done very quickly. The father has the last word.

The father also has to take very important decisions regarding investing money, changing jobs, or moving to another location. Such decisions may require financial austerity or other life changes. If the husband is intelligent, he will first discuss all these matters with his wife in order to hear her opinion and win her over to his side.

It is interesting to note that in the biblical story about Jacob, who worked for his father-in-law for many years, there are such words: “And the Lord said to Jacob: return to the land of your fathers and to your homeland; and I will be with you." However, after receiving this command from the Lord, Jacob called Rachel and Leah into the field and spoke to them to secure their support. After he explained his situation, Rachel and Leah told him, "So do whatever God has told you." Now he had their support. This was exactly what Jacob needed, so that he would do everything that was planned with peace of mind (Genesis 31). Read this passage to your husband. Maybe he wants to consult with you more often on important issues.

Sometimes a husband seeks the support of his wife, but does not explain what the matter is. He may think that she does not have sufficient knowledge on this subject and she simply will not understand anything. Or he cannot explain the reasons and justify his plans. Maybe he is guided by intuition. In this case, do not torture your husband. Most likely, his feelings, not his mind, will lead him in the right direction.

In marriage, husband and wife are not a pair of horses pulling the same team. They are more like bow and string, as Longfellow said in his poem Hiawatha:

Husband and wife are like onions

A bow with a strong string;

Although she bends him, she herself is obedient to him;

Although she pulls him, she herself is inseparable from him;

Separately, both are useless.

(Translated by I. Bunin)

The role of the wife in leading the family

And although your husband is the undoubted head of the family, you also play very well in leading the family. important role. You obey your husband, support him, and sometimes play an active role in which you can clearly and even vividly express yourself. Your husband needs your support, and your thoughts are often valuable to him if you express them correctly. A heavy burden of responsibility rests on his shoulders. He needs to lead the family, make decisions, sometimes extremely important. All responsibility for decisions made only he will bear, regardless of the consequences. Your understanding, support and thoughts are very important to him.

Mumtaz Mahal, the woman in whose honor the Taj Mahal was built, played an important role in her husband's life and provided strong influence to lead the country. The daughter of the chief minister, she received a good education, was very intelligent and had a worthy character. Sultan Shah Jahan consulted with her on many issues, including purely specific topics related to the government of the country. There is no doubt that she knew how to influence her husband very subtly, but she did it so skillfully that her husband did not feel the slightest threat to himself as the ruler of India from her side. The world is mostly unaware of her enormous contribution to the development of this country. This feminine art we teach in this chapter. The first step in achieving this art is in the exception of errors. See what the following list applies specifically to you:

Do you make similar mistakes?

1.Management. Do you hold the reins of the family in your hands and do you try to do everything your own way? Compilers important plans and do you make decisions assuming that your husband should agree with them? Do you consult with him? family matters, but so that you always have the last word? Why are you doing it? Maybe you just don't know how to behave differently, or don't trust your husband's judgment, or do you think that you can handle these problems better than he can?

Does he oppose your dominance? Do you face each other? Do you find it difficult to submit to your husband's authority? Or do you think that the end justifies the means, and the main thing is that the deed be done, even to the detriment of respect for the husband?

2.Pressure. Maybe you insist on your own or even grumble and get annoyed? Maybe his resistance leads to frequent quarrels and disputes? Or is he making concessions for the sake of peace? In this case, you get your way by pressing. Soon your children will start using this method too.

3. Nagging. Maybe you find fault and criticize your husband's plans and decisions because you are afraid that he will make a mistake? Or do you not trust his judgment, watching him closely to immediately express your approval or disapproval? Do you ask him provocative questions with a hint of fear in your voice? This behavior expresses your distrust of him, and he gets the impression that you do not believe in his ability to lead the family. A woman must don't tearsew, A create the husband has a sense of security.

4. Tips. A woman makes a serious mistake when she gives her husband too much advice, too many suggestions, when she tells him what to do and how to do it. When your husband begins to present to you the problem he is facing, listen to his point of view and take your time to offer advice. Or think, slowly, what can be done in this case and then discuss the course of action together. Otherwise, you will also show a lack of trust in him here, and he will get the impression that you know the answers to all questions, which means that you do not need him at all and you can quite cope in this life without him.

5. Disobedience. Do you obey your husband only when you agree with him, and if you disagree, do it your own way? If you are sure of something, but he does not approve of your decision, do you stand your ground? It is very easy to obey your husband when you agree with him. The real test comes when you disagree with him, but choose to obey. What to do in such a situation will be discussed later.

How to become obedient

1. Respect his status. Respect his position as head of the family and teach your children to treat him with respect. Believe in God's principles, according to which God put him in charge of the family and commanded you to obey him, as the Bible says. If this seems unfair to you, remember that God knows better how to organize our lives.

2. Let go of the reins. Do not try to dominate the family. Let your husband manage the affairs of the family. Let him lead and you just obey him. You will be surprised at how well he copes with problems without you. Then your faith in him and his self-confidence will grow. After you give him the opportunity to lead, he himself will give you authority in certain areas. You will discuss this issue together.

3. Trust him like a child. Don't worry about the consequences of his decisions. Let him worry about it himself. Trust him like a child. This trust is different from our trust in God, for God does not make mistakes, but people do. Give him the right to make mistakes, trust his motives and his judgment. Then you will help him grow, for only childish trust can help a man develop a sense of responsibility.

Sometimes your husband's decisions will be illogical. His plans may seem senseless to you, and his judgments unreasonable. Perhaps this is not so, but such an option is not excluded. Perhaps he is inspired. The ways of the Lord also do not always seem logical. Don't expect every decision your husband makes to please you or bring you the results you expect. God will take him through problems to achieve certain wise but unknown goals. We all have to go through a cleansing fire, and God does it in an incomprehensible way. When your husband acts on inspiration, you need to faithfully follow him, and then, looking back, you will see the hand of the Almighty in your life and be grateful for the outcome of the matter.

There may be frightening times when you want to trust your husband, want to see him act on inspiration, but you can't. You will find vanity, pride and selfishness at the basis of his decisions and make sure that he is heading for disaster. If he does not want to listen to you, what to do? The answer is: if you can no longer trust your husband, you can always trust God. He placed him at the head of the family, and commanded you to obey him. You have every right to ask God for help. If you will obey your husband and ask heavenlyFather to guide him, everything will change for the better in the most incomprehensible way.

4. Don't hesitate to adapt. Don't be stubborn and don't stand your ground. Adapt to changing circumstances. Obey your husband and follow him where he leads, adapt to the conditions he provides for you. Each perfect wife, capable of making her husband happy, has this quality. This is a rare quality, and it is all the more appreciated by men. To be flexible and malleable, you need to be selfless, think more about him than about yourself, and put your marriage first, above everything else. And towhen you cast your bread on the waters, it will return to you in due timeWith butter. In short, follow this rule:

To be flexible, one cannot have biased, hard on menie about what you want out of life, where and in what kind of house you want to live, what economic level or lifestyle you wanted to achieve, and what plans you have for children. It is perfectly acceptable to have predetermined questions, but they cannot be considered immutable. Your rigid opinion may come into conflict with the opinion of your husband, his plans that he bears in order to succeed in the performance of a male role.

In my youth, I had unchanging, rigid concepts. After marriage, I wanted to live in a white two-story house built on one acre of land with tall rustling trees in the back yard and a basement full of barrels of apples. The house was supposed to stand on the outskirts of a city with a population of about twenty thousand people. In winter, I wanted to see snow, and in summer, green fields. However, over time, I found that this dream interfered with me in many ways, and it was difficult for me to adapt to the circumstances of my real life. When I abandoned these rigid settings, it became much easier for me, as well as for my husband with me.

To be flexible make your dreams transportable and carry them with you at all times. Make the decision to be happy no matter the circumstances - on a mountaintop or in a burning desert, in poverty and in abundance. If you focus on success in your home, it's very easy to make dreams transportable.

5.Be obedient. Listen to the advice and admonitions of your husband, and you will do yourself a good service. Very important quality obedience. If you obey, but at the same time are reluctant to do your thing and complain, you will not get far. But if you obey willingly, with a spirit of joyful obedience, God will bless you and your home and give you harmony in your relationship with your husband. Your husband will appreciate your behavior and will soften when he sees your malleable spirit.

A wife who refuses to obey her husband's advice or commands brings serious disharmony to her marriage. Moreover, you can't do that. Because God has placed the husband in charge, the wife's rebellious behavior is a sin. Therefore, when a wife resists her husband, she loses God's Spirit. The subject of obedience will be dealt with more fully later in this chapter.

6.Be in the eyes of children a united front with your husband. Even if you and your husband have not reached mutual agreement, be a united front for the children. Never set children against their father, hoping in this way to win their favor. This will make the husband angry, and he may act harshly towards them. He will not be willing to yield to children if you intercede for them. But if you and your husband are at the same time, he will become much more compliant, as the following example clearly shows.

7. Support his plans and decisions. Sometimes your husband needs not only your submission, but also support. Maybe he needs to make a decision for which he does not want to bear all the responsibility. He may want you to help him with this. In this case, you will need to delve into his plans to make sure that you are ready to support them. If you can, give him the support he needs. If you cannot, explain your position as suggested in the next paragraph. He will be grateful to you for expressing your opinion. If he insists on his own, you can still express your support, even if you do not agree with him. You can support not his plans, but his right to make decisions. You can say something like this: "I do not agree with your decision, but if you are sure that you are right, do as you see fit, I support you." A little later in the same chapter, we will talk about this topic in more detail.

8. Explain your position. So far I have listed the qualities of an obedient wife. You need to respect his status, let go of the reins, trust him, be flexible, obedient, willing to support him, even if you do not agree with his opinion. However, there are times when you need express your position. Your understanding of the topic under discussion can be valuable to your husband, as well as your opinion. And it doesn't matter if he asks you to express your opinion or not, honestly - and if necessary persistently - speak out about this. You do not need to insist on your position, but you must express it. In such conversations, the following rules should be followed.

First, think it over for yourself first. You must be sure of your position. If you want to ask or offer something, ask yourself if you are not driven by selfish motives, if this is honest, if this is selfish, or maybe you just want to impose your opinion on your husband. If you disagree with your husband's plans, try to understand why this is happening. Maybe you are afraid of something, or here we can talk about the manifestation of selfishness on your part? If you reflect on your own motivation, the idea under discussion will become clearer to you. Or you will become even more confident in your position. Many women miss this important point thinking about their own ideas, believing that this should be done by a husband. He, in turn, may simply not be disposed to consider your ideas. Then he will become stubborn or categorically refuse your proposals. If you are confident in the reasonableness of your arguments, then be sure to speak out and move on to the next step.

Next, you need to pray about it. Thanks to prayer, everything will become much clearer to you. You will either strengthen your beliefs, or you will see serious shortcomings in them. If you see errors in your reasoning, discard the idea itself and do not think about it anymore. If you are unsure, continue to pray and meditate on the subject. If your prayer is answered in the affirmative, move on to the next step.

Approach your husband with confidence. Don't be shy. Be firm. Speak clearly and, if necessary, firmly. Tell him that you have thought it over and prayed about it. Now you are asking him to think and pray about this too. After that, trust God. When explaining your position, follow the recommendations on how women should approach their husbands with advice.

wife's advice

A man wants to see his wife nearby not only for support, but also for advice. Sultan Shah Jahan turned to his wife Mumtaz Mahal for advice, and David Copperfield confided a lot to Agnes. After marrying Dora, he had no one to consult with. “Sometimes I wished,” he admitted, “that my wife was my adviser with a strong and determined character and the ability to fill the void that seemed to me to arise around me.” All good wives are for their husbands advisers, mentors and best friends.

Women have a special, unique feminine gift insight And intuition who help them give their husband sound advice. Only a wife, like no one else, knows how to see her husband's life in perspective. You are closer to him than anyone else, but not as close to his problems as he is. He stands too close to them, and therefore his understanding of his own problems may be distorted. You see them much better. You are only a step or half a step away from the center of his life. You look wider and your vision is clearer. You care about him more than anyone else in the whole wide world, and are ready to make any sacrifice for him. And while you may know less than other people, your advice may be more reliable than other people's advice.

Here are the requirements for good advisers: First of all, stop handing out adviсe or offers How daily food. This can be boring for everyone. He will just stop listening to you. Save your advice for when he asks you to speak up or when a very crucial moment comes. If your advice is rare, he will listen to them more willingly.

Next, stop seeing everything in a negative light. Throw away doubts, fears and anxieties, otherwise your advice can only cause harm. Good advisers are people who always think positively. They are cautious, but do not allow any negative thoughts. If you notice a tendency to think in a negative way, read good book about the power of positive thinking.

Then a good adviser can always advise a person something worthwhile. Develop your character, acquire wisdom, deepen your philosophy of life. Expand your knowledge of life and what is happening around you. Become a selfless person who readily shares with those around him. If you become a good man, the husband will trust you and seek your advice. But if you are a limited and self-centered person, you will have nothing to offer him. A woman who does not have treasures within herself cannot be a good adviser. When sharing advice with your husband, observe the following rules.

How should a woman advise a man?

1. Ask leading questions. The most subtle way of giving advice is with leading questions, such as: "Have you ever imagined solving such issues in this way before?" or “Have you thought about such a possibility? ..” The key word in such questions is the word “you”. The husband may say, "I've already thought about it" or "Not yet, but I'll think about it." In any case, he will take this thought as his own and think it over without feeling any threat from the outside.

2. Listen. After leading questions, listen to him. From time to time show signs of attention to his words so that he continues to speak, and then again listen carefully. During the whole conversation, listen more and talk less. Good advisers are well aware of the importance of listening carefully to a person before giving advice. Better save the advice for the end of the conversation. Sometimes clever woman doesn't recommend anything at all. She will lead her husband to the fact that he himself will answer all his questions.

3. Share your understanding. When you share your point of view, say: “I think...”, “I feel...”, or “I understand...”, because in this way you show your perception of this situation. He won't argue with your feelings or perceptions. Don't use phrases like "I think" or "I know." He may resist what you think or you know.

4. Don't try to prove that you know more than him. Do not seek to show that you are wise, know everything, or surpass your husband with your intellect. Do not try to prove yourself an expert in his field and do not expect him to appreciate your extraordinary mind. Don't ask too many leading questions and don't use the word "why" too much. If he made a mistake, and all this time you knew what to do to avoid it, being amazed that he did not know this, your complacency will only outrage him.

5. Don't play the role of a mother. Your inherent maternal nature and gracious attitude can make you feel like his mother. Don't look at him like little boy, for which you need an eye and an eye. He does not need to be protected from adversity and responsibility, you do not need to worry about him, as you worry about a child.

6. Don't talk to him like a man to a man. Do not speak harshly, as is customary for men, that is, do not put yourself on the same level with him. Don't say, for example, "Let's make a decision" or "Why don't we review this option again" or "I think I figured out what our problem is." Give him the opportunity to occupy a dominant position so that he sees that he is needed and appreciated as a leader.

7. Don't act like you're smarter than him. If you're giving a man advice on a subject that makes him fearful, don't make the mistake of showing more courage than he does. Suppose he wants to start new business change jobs, ask your boss for a raise wages or try to implement new idea. He is nervous and afraid of the consequences of his step, since his venture may fail.

If you boldly say: "What are you hesitating about?" or “You have nothing to fear”, you will thereby show more masculine courage than he does. Instead, say, “I think this is a good idea, but I'm a little scared. Are you sure you really want to do this?" Such meekness can incline him to the manifestation of masculine courage, and then he will say: “It's not so scary. I think I can handle it." When a man sees timidity in a woman, his natural masculine courage awakens in him.

8. Don't give a hard-line opinion. When you give your husband advice, don't give a hard-line opinion. This kind of point of view will cause opposition and arguments, and you will lose your femininity and look like you are trying to get him to take your advice.

9. Don't insist that he do what you want. Let him listen to your advice, but do not put any pressure on him. Give him freedom of choice. Let better man will do things his own way and make mistakes than put pressure on him and harm your relationship.

Obedience

Now let's take a closer look at one of the most important requirements for your husband's successful leadership. It's about your obedience to him. The First Law of Heaven requires obedience, therefore this law should be the main one in every home. It is the foundation of every well-equipped home, a successful family and a prosperous life for children. The wife is the key to success in this matter. When she is a model of obedience to her husband, the children are sure to follow this example. This will not only bring immediate benefits, but will also have far-reaching consequences throughout the life of the family.

On the other hand, when a wife refuses to obey her husband, she shows her own children a model of a rebellious spirit that her children will follow. They will conclude that they do not have to obey anyone if they themselves do not want to. They will decide that there are always some workarounds. When such children go out into the world, it is difficult for them to obey the law, higher authorities, teachers at school or college, or bosses at work. The problem of rebellious youth originates in the home, where the mother did not want to obey her husband or show no respect for his authority.

The English satirist Northcote Parkinson examined the causes of the 1970s student revolution that took place in America and blamed women for everything. He told a Los Angeles audience that the problem with American colleges stems from a lack of respect for authority that was born at home: “The general movement, I think, begins with the women's revolution. Women demanded the right to vote and equal rights with men, they ceased to be subject to the control of their husbands. As a result, they lost control over their own children." Mr Parkinson said that during his childhood in the Victorian era "the word of the father was law, and the mother's greatest threat was her promise to 'tell everything to the father'. Today, a mother cannot tell her children that because she herself refused to submit to the authority of her husband in the family."

On the other hand, women who strictly obey their husbands show reverence and respect for their status in the family, set an example of obedience to their children, and they follow this example. A few years ago I went to visit my daughter, and at the same time my son, who was studying at a university nearby, came to visit them. They talked and I listened. Suddenly, in their conversation, one phrase caught my attention.

Paul said to Christina: "When we were children, it never crossed my mind to disobey my father, but you, Christina?" The daughter answered categorically: “No, I never even thought of disobeying my father!” I interrupted their conversation with the question: “Why couldn’t you disobey your father?” They answered right away: “You were the key to our obedience, Mom, because you always obeyed Dad, even if it was very difficult!”

At the same moment, an incident came to my mind, which had happened several years before. We have been planning a trip to the lakes of Florida for several years. Children marked the dates on the calendar, wishing to bring the date of departure to this remote state closer. When the time came, we bought a new minibus, and happily set off on the long-awaited journey.

When we arrived in South Florida, we bought fried chicken and sat under an Indian fig tree while our daughters played the guitars. The husband left for a few minutes to call his son, who was serving as a missionary in Sweden at the time. He began to have health problems, and we were a little worried. When the husband returned, he had a strange expression on his face. "We need to get back to California," he said. “The son fell ill and was sent home.”

At that time, I did not take his words seriously, because I am an optimist. I spoke to my husband, advising him to invite his son to us in Florida. I thought it would do him good. It seemed to me that I convinced him, after which we all climbed into the car and headed towards the lakes. In the middle of the night, I woke up to the fact that we were driving north, heading to California.

For a long time, in the presence of the children, I tried to persuade him to return to Florida. I was sure that I was doing everything right. I knew there was no need to return and that the children would be greatly disappointed. I remember how strong the temptation was to take and just exit fromcars. But I didn't. I was aware of the limits of what was permitted and, finally, retreated. The children silently watched me and remembered this episode for the rest of their lives. They understood how difficult it was for me.

Now I saw that scene even more clearly. I thought that they would suffer greatly from disappointment and the interrupted journey would leave scars in their souls for life. But imagine the far greater harm I could have done to the children by my example of rebellious behavior. I reminded Paul and Christine of that experience and asked if they were disappointed with the interrupted journey. “No,” they said, “we realized that we must sacrifice our desires for the well-being of one of us.” Our son recovered, and everything ended well, but then he was on the verge of death. I really could make a serious mistake.

Family leadership problems

1. When a wife is afraid of her husband's failure. Wives around the world are always wary of the plans or decisions of their husbands, because they are afraid of witnessing their failures. Women have to rely on either success or failure. Not a single person has ever achieved success without daring to take risks. It is impossible to reach the top of the mountain, figuratively speaking, without taking risks. Actually, the history of success is woven from many failures. Take, for example, the success story of Abraham Lincoln.

When he was a young man, he ran for the Illinois state legislature and was defeated. After that, he took up business and also failed, and for seventeen years he repaid the debts of his unlucky partner. Having entered politics, he got into Congress, but he also failed there. Then he tried to get into the department of land tenure in the United States, but did not achieve success in this field. He became a candidate for the US Senate and lost again. In 1856, he became a candidate for vice president, but even then he was not lucky. In 1858 he lost the election in Douglas. However, he still achieved the greatest success in public life. Much of this success can be attributed to his wife, Mary Todd, who constantly said, "Someday he will be a great man."

The wife represents the key to her husband's success. If she wholeheartedly supports his decisions, whatever they may be, he will be able to survive the mistakes made and move on. Otherwise, she will cause him to live his whole life in the shadows. Men who could do great things in their lives have remained in the shadows only because they did not find the support of their wives on riceforged road to success.

2. When the wife rebels Fear of a possible mistake or failure can provoke a woman to rebellion. Christian author Orson Pratt writes the following about this:

“A woman should never be guided by her judgment against her husband's, for if her husband plans to do something good, but is mistaken in his assessment, the Lord will bless her willingness to follow her husband's advice. God made him the head of the family, and although he may indeed be mistaken in his assessment, God will not justify his wife if she is disobedient to his instructions and instructions. The sin of disobedience is much more serious than the mistakes made in seeking a solution. For this reason, she will be condemned for opposing her will to the will of her husband ... Be obedient, and God will turn everything for your good: in His appointed time, He will correct all the mistakes of her husband ... A wife, refusing to obey her husband’s advice, will lose Spirit of God."

3.When a husband is lost in doubt. Does your husband sometimes hesitate, unable to come to a definite decision? If he is naturally too cautious, come to terms with this trait of his character and learn to live with it. However, he may be driven by the fear that you will not understand him. Usually the husband is afraid that his decision will harm the well-being of the family. For example, a person wants to continue studying, but is afraid that his studies will become a burden for financial position families. In this case, you can support him in such a desire by saying that you are ready to make the sacrifices associated with this.

Or another option. Your husband may be afraid that his decision will lead to a reduction in financial security or a loss of prestige. He would gladly undertake the implementation of his plans, but he lacks the courage to do so. If you see that his fears are unfounded, help him gain confidence and help him make the right decision.

4.When the husband does not want to lead. Maybe you yourself want your husband to take over the leadership of the family. You dream of a strong hand to lean on, but your husband is stepping back from his leadership position. In this case, the wife may become upset and take over the leadership of the family out of a sense of duty. What can be done to make the husband want to take the position of the head of the family?

First, read the passages of Scripture that speak of him as a leader. Discuss with him that there should be one head in the family. It is the man who is endowed with all the necessary qualities for this, and not the woman, and besides, you do not want to be the head of the family. Let him know that you need him as a leader who consciously takes on this responsibility. Offer him your help and support. After that, go about your household chores and do them well. Thus, you will clearly draw a line dividing the areas of responsibility between you and your husband.

5. When he takes the kids aside. If your husband corrupts the family, if he encourages children to lie, steal, and lead an immoral life or do other wicked things, you have moral right take them away from such a house, away from this evil influence. If you don't have children, you have exactly the same right to leave on your own.

However, if he just weak person and due to weakness only stumbled and no longer adheres to the same high moral principles as you, if he neglects spiritual values ​​​​or otherwise shows a weak human nature, be patient and try to save your marriage.

Reward

In a house run by a husband, order always reigns. There are less disputes and disagreements, but more harmony. When he takes the lead, he grows into his masculine form. He develops traits such as firmness, determination, self-confidence and a sense of responsibility. When a wife moves away from a leadership position, she becomes calmer, less worried and fussy, can devote herself to household chores and succeed in this area.

Children raised in a family where the father's word is law have respect for authority, school teachers, church leaders, and leaders in all areas of society. In a male-led world, there is less crime and violence, fewer divorces and fewer cases of homosexuality. Marriages in such a society are happier happier family and hence the people themselves. If the patriarchy system could be implemented on a larger scale, we would live in a world based on law and order.

Remember: Better let a man do everything in his own way and oshibetter than to stand in his way and argue with him.

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Natalya Kaptsova

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In our time, the concept of "head of the family" is gradually lost in a series of changes in modern life. And the term "family" itself now has its own meaning for everyone. But the head of the family determines the family order, without which a calm and stable coexistence is impossible.

Who should become the head of the family - the spouse or the spouse? What do psychologists think about this?

• A family is two (or more) people connected by common goals. AND necessary condition to achieve these goals - a clear division of responsibilities and roles (as in the old joke, where the spouse is the president, the wife is the minister of finance, and the children are the people). And for order in the "country" you need comply with laws and subordination, and . In the absence of a leader in the “country”, unrest and pulling the blanket over each other begin, and if the minister of finance instead of the president is at the helm, then the laws that have been in force for a long time are replaced by ill-conceived reforms that will one day lead to the collapse of the “country”.
  That is, the president must remain the president, the minister - the minister.
• Extraordinary situations are always solved by the head of the family (if you do not take into account the peeling paint on the windowsill and even the broken tap). And without a leader in solving some difficult issues simply can not do. A woman, as a being, in fact, is weaker, not all issues can be resolved on her own. If she also takes over this area family life, That the role of a man in the family is automatically belittled , which does not benefit his pride and family atmosphere.
• The subordination of a wife to her husband is the law on which the family has been based since ancient times. A husband cannot feel like a full-fledged man if the wife puts herself as the head of the family. Usually, the marriage of a "spineless" and a strong female leader is doomed. And the man himself intuitively (as intended by nature) is looking for a wife who is ready to accept the traditional position of "the husband is the head of the family."
• The leader of the family is the captain who leads the family frigate in the right direction, knows how to bypass reefs, and takes care of the safety of the entire crew. And even if the frigate, under the influence of certain factors, suddenly loses its course, it is the captain who takes him to the right pier. A woman (again, by nature) is not given such qualities as security, the ability to accept right decisions V emergency situations etc. Her task is to maintain peace and comfort in the family, raising children and creating an environment for his spouse that will help him become an ideal captain. Of course, modern life and some circumstances force women to become captains themselves, but such a position does not bring happiness to the family. Two options for the development of such a relationship: the wife-helmsman is forced to put up with the weakness of her husband and drag him on herself, which is why she eventually gets tired and begins to look for a man with whom she can be weak. Or the wife-helmsman carries out a “raider takeover”, as a result of which the husband gradually loses his leadership positions and leaves the family in which his manhood is belittled.
• Fifty/fifty relationships where responsibilities are shared equally with leadership - one of the fashion trends of our time. Equality, a certain freedom and other modern "postulates" make adjustments to the cells of society, which also do not end with a "happy ending". Because in fact there can be no equality in the family - there will always be a leader . And the illusion of equality sooner or later leads to a serious eruption of the Fujiyama family, the result of which will be a return to traditional pattern“the husband is the head of the family”, or to a final break. A ship cannot be run by two captains, a company by two directors. Responsibility is borne by one person, the second supports the decisions of the leader, is nearby as a right hand and is a reliable rear. Two captains cannot steer in the same direction - such a ship is doomed to become a Titanic.
• Woman as a wise being , is able to create in the family such a microclimate that will help unleash the inner potential of a man. The main thing is to become exactly that “co-pilot” that supports you in emergency situations, and does not pull out the helm with a cry “I will drive, you are steering in the wrong direction again!”. A man needs to be trusted, even if his decisions, at first glance, seem wrong. Stopping a galloping horse or flying into a burning hut is very modern. A woman wants to be irreplaceable, strong, able to solve any problem. . But then it makes sense to complain and suffer - “he wipes his pants on the couch while I plow at three jobs” or “How do you want to be weak and not pull everything on yourself!”?

The head of the family (from time immemorial) is a man. But the wife's wisdom is in the ability to influence his decisions according to the scheme "he is the head, she is the neck." smart wife, even if she knows how to handle a drill and earn three times more than her husband, she will never show it. Because weak woman a man is ready to protect, protect and pick up in his arms if it "falls". And next to a strong woman, it is very difficult to feel like a real man - she provides for herself, she does not need to be pitied, she herself changes a pierced tire and does not cook dinner, because she has no time. A man has no opportunity to show his masculinity. And to become the head of such a family means to recognize oneself as spineless.

What happens to us at this moment? What do we gain by becoming the head of the family? Does it make us happy? A poodle husband, children do not respect their father, a lot of responsibility and problems that a woman has to solve, quarrels and discontent, stress. Is it possible to remain a woman in this situation? And can we talk about the happy future of such a family?

There is also an opinion that there can be no main thing in the family and all issues must be resolved together. Nothing is decided together. There is always one person who makes the decision.

Or there are such statements: “In my family chief husband. (Although I earn more, and do everything around the house, raising children). Let my husband think so." Such words are another illusion. The husband does not think so, so you do everything yourself.

Let's remember the basic male need.

It is vitally important for a man to fulfill his main role as the breadwinner and breadwinner of the family. At the same time, the most important thing is that the family needs this male role of his. If a woman can do everything herself, earn money, raise children, then this male role becomes unclaimed, which means that the man will not do anything. He may even have doubts about the meaning of his existence.

Dream modern woman: — “I'm taller, faster, bigger and more independent! Join me and we will plow together for the benefit of the family!”

This is an unfulfilled dream of a huge number of women. The main need of a man is to be a leader, to be the first, and not to follow his wife.

A man needs to surpass the woman in the main role - the breadwinner. Competition between spouses will lead such a family to collapse. The man is constantly competing outside world, but when he comes home, he wants to take off his armor. Accordingly, if he also has to fight for his place at home, then, as a rule, he stops fighting for his place in his career and at work. He can't compete all the time.

And only a woman who is able to understand this will gladly agree to give leadership in the family to a man. Only when you fully agree with the idea that the man is the head of the family, only then can you be a woman and your husband a man. Only then can you build harmonious relationship. If you want to be happy, you must play your part, and let the man play his role.

I have already written more than once that the transitional stage is the most difficult. Not everything will turn out right away, you will not immediately notice that you are again trying to do everything in your own way, that you are making decisions again, and you just offer your husband to agree with you. Sometimes there will be resistance to the leadership of a man in the family. Don't stop, go ahead.

If you decide to surrender the mandate of the “head of the family”, these practical recommendations will help you at the initial stage:

1) You don't need any special conversations with your husband. Like, I decided to develop femininity and I no longer want to be the head of the family, I solemnly transfer this role to you. Rather, you will scare your husband with such conversations, and nothing will change. I'll tell you a million dollar secret: start agreeing with your husband on everything. He says: “I don’t want to go to my mother today. You answer: - Good. He says, "I don't want to make repairs." You answer: - As you say!

Start showing, not in words, but in deeds, that you respect his opinion. You not only transfer responsibility to your husband, but also the right to make a decision. Your task is to agree with his decisions.

2) You will have to stop being annoyed, nag your husband. You no longer have to give your husband advice. Even if he has some problems, and he shares them with you, wait, he also has a head, not only you. Often we begin to criticize the decisions of the husband, because we are very afraid that he will make a mistake. But he is a man, and even if he makes a mistake, he is able to draw conclusions. He is the head of the family, not your child and you are not his mother.

3) As for your earnings, here you have to decide for yourself. No one will take this responsibility for you, and no one will give you right advice. You must make the decision. Either you cut back on your activities and earn less, or you quit your job. Such a method is shown to be especially strong and hardworking. I am sure that if I had not completely abandoned my earnings, I would not have been able to transfer leadership to my husband. Many women write about maternity leave with admiration that they did not even think that a man would have the ability to support her and their child. But this is where your trust in a man begins. You will have to step back, you will have to start trusting and become obedient. Which interesting word. I promise that we will talk about this in more detail. Don't miss out and subscribe to the site update!

And in conclusion, I remind you once again: changes will occur VERY SLOWLY. If you even mentally argue with your husband, all this will result not in agreement, but in a quarrel. We must be patient. Don't pick on the little things. And remember, the male role is also difficult for him, just like the female role for you.

Tatyana Dzutseva

In contact with

“Who is the boss in the house - me or cockroaches?” - this is how a man usually jokes, whom his wife is trying to drive under the heel.

And really: who should be the head of the family? In theory, the husband: well, it’s been accepted, like, from time immemorial. But in Lately their wives try to take over men and command over all household members. Well, let's talk about this.

The family is like a state

Let's imagine that the family is a small state, and its president has not yet been elected. It is clear that the “people” are children and pets. The wife and husband claim the head. We need an undeniable leader, because without elections, anarchy, collapse and confusion will begin.

It's dangerous to make a mistake! A bad president can screw up reforms that will lead to family crisis. The “people”, as in an ordinary state, are as always ignorant and naive: whoever beckons with a yummy, whoever takes a sip, is the president.

Sometimes "influential countries" interfere in family politics - mother-in-law with father-in-law, mother-in-law with father-in-law and other relatives. As practice shows, this intervention most often threatens with war. Therefore, it is better to stay away from their advice, or to remain neutral.

So who should be the head of the family in the end - the husband or the wife? In a young family, while “influential countries” dictate the rules, at first nothing is clear - everyone pulls the blanket over himself. But with the birth of children and obtaining separate housing, you must definitely decide.

How to Choose the Right President

In a small family, there cannot be many “ministers”, so a man or a woman takes on this role. Well, or they are distributed in half: according to talents and abilities, which is much more correct. But how to do it?

Who is responsible for the financial flow

Most often it is a man and occasionally a woman, but still, let's take the husband as a basis. Without the main breadwinner, the family will be in need.

What can happen if he is infringed on his rights in some way or even kicked out of the family:

From distrust, he will make stash and often lie. What else is left to do? He must feel like a man.

If there is control over his earnings, then he will look for a way to earn extra money, which he will also keep silent about.

If he is expelled from the family, then he can even hide from alimony - and look for his fistula then, getting out of poverty.

Particularly greedy women drive their husbands to three jobs, which can negatively affect the health of the husband. And the result can be deplorable, including hitting your pocket.

1 point in favor of the main earner.

Who is in charge of the economy

Not always the earner is free to dispose of the money he has earned. Most often it happens that the husband brings home a salary, and the wife rakes everything down to the penny. It’s good if she leaves her husband for pocket money.

But the point is not who has the money. It is important that they be in the hands of those who can competently manage the family budget. And this means:

• timely pays all current bills (loans, communal, garden, school);
• calculates the amount of food until the next salary;
• keeps track of those who have a real need for something in the family (for example, in clothes);
• if possible, postpones for a rainy day;

That is, the “Minister of Economy” cannot be a spender in any way: give the last money for knick-knacks and grab unnecessary loans. Such a spendthrift should be immediately and categorically dismissed.

Another 1 point to a competent economist.

Who is in charge of "foreign policy"

He is also a diplomat, he is also a peacemaker, he is also the main one in relations with people outside the family. Of course, there will be one of the spouses who does not like or is even afraid to “resolve” something, so he blames everything on the other.

And there's a lot to be done:

• resolve conflicts with relatives;
• solve problems with all documents;
• attend parent meetings;
• negotiate with officials

Nerves are dangling, so the character must be strong. Plus, a clearly defined voice and at least a basic knowledge of the laws. But at the same time, it is unsuitable for a “diplomat” to be noisy and bazaar, courtesy, intelligence and “inner core” are welcomed.

Another 1 point is awarded to the one who is responsible for solving problems in the family.

Who is in charge of culture

No, it's not just holidays and family vacation planning, it's much more serious. Parenting and inner world family is what matters. A kind attitude towards each household member and smoothing out “sharp corners” in case of conflicts can only be entrusted to a wise person.

By the way, these are not always women. If a woman in the family is hysterical and stupid, then the man takes on this role. Unless, of course, living with a bitch, his nerves can withstand. But sometimes husbands do not leave the family precisely because they feel sorry for the children. They will not be given to him in court, and being brought up by a hysterical woman, they will not receive a proper upbringing.

But if not everything is so difficult, then there are other pleasant chores:

• joint vacation with family and decoration of holidays;
• reading books at night to children and competent answers to little "why";
• inoculation family values and traditions.

Another 1 point to someone who can be responsible for the culture in the family.

Who is in charge of the household

This means external comfort: to make the house clean, warm, beautiful, and delicious on the table. Well, of course, this will be done by a woman. Unless, of course, she changed roles with a man: she is all at work, and he is on the farm and raises children himself.

Not all families, however, are impeccable cleanliness and pedants. Maybe this is even good somewhere: people of creativity, as a rule, do not pay attention to external gloss special attention, but that's their business. If there is something to eat in the house, and cockroaches do not run around the house in droves, it’s already good. The main thing for them is peace in the family.

Another 1 point for someone who wears a rag in the house and cooks deliciously.

Counting points

And whoever tries to shout down the other that he is zero without a wand without him, then if the score is not in his favor, he is clearly disingenuous. The receipt of money, their distribution, solving problems inside and outside the house is only within the power of the head.

Sometimes you can watch strange families where a child is elected "president". More precisely, a small usurper king. Grandparents knock down to please the child, his own father lisps with him, and his mother tearfully begs to eat a spoonful of porridge. And this overgrown toddler spits in the face of this porridge to his "retinue".

The child grows up and dictates its conditions:

He fits into the family budget, managing it: what sweets are required instead of dinner and where to buy him a more fashionable jacket.

Beats in hysterics if something did not go according to his plan and demands an apology and complete obedience to him.

He decides for himself - who enters the house, where to move the furniture, where to spend the weekend and whether he can swear.

From the outside, it looks disgusting and few people want to communicate with such families. But even that is not scary! Such a child, when he grows up, will become aggressive towards the world around him and people. After all, no one will lisp with him, as was customary in his family!

But it happens even more absurdly when some animal is made the head of the house: a cat or a dog. You can still forgive this weakness for a lonely old woman, but it’s terrible when this happens in large families: “The little chick wants to sleep on the crib, well, let him sleep, we make a bed for ourselves on the floor.” Madhouse!

Be wise even if the "president" is you

Do you want respect for your family from others? Then do not try to tell anyone that you dominate your husband. Society despises henpecked men and female commanders. The attitude from others will be appropriate: the family of a rag and a market aunt.

The woman is the good spirit of the family. At wise woman the husband himself will not notice how she cunningly and cleverly guides him, but at the same time it is he who wears the crown. Therefore, even if you got the most points, then make sure that your family is respected. And that's another point in your favor.