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The man's behavior at the beginning. Loves but doesn't call? Mistakes women make at the beginning of a relationship
The psychology of gender relations is very interesting, although complex. The difference in the perception of the same things affects. It is also necessary to remember that men and women occupy different positions in society.
Gender roles in the modern world
Historically, there was an opinion that a man should play a leading role, and a woman should take a follower role. These stereotypes are so deeply embedded in our subcortex that they largely dictate the rules of behavior with the opposite sex. Even if this goes against the personality’s psychotype.
The psychology of a man differs in many ways from that of a woman. Representatives of the fairer sex express emotions more freely, flirt, and demonstrate their interest. It is much more difficult for men to decide to take the first step in fear of being rejected. However, by some subtle signs one can judge the emerging feeling.
Practicing psychologists have more than once had to answer the direct question: “How does a man in love behave?” And there is no single, universal answer! There is no one exact sign by the presence of which one can judge the feelings of a young man.
Nonverbal cues
Facial expressions, unconscious movements, and a person’s posture can tell a lot. We communicate a huge amount of information to our interlocutor using sign language. Often our subconscious gives us away. Therefore, if you look closely, you can understand a lot about a person. Especially if you know what to pay attention to.
An interested man examines a woman. His gaze moves from the lips to the chin and drops lower. This look can rightfully be called intimate. The young man “expresses” his sympathy and lets the girl know that he is not indifferent to her. In turn, the lady can make a response move.
At the beginning of a relationship, a man always tries to seem a little better than he really is. Remember their behavior on the beach: their stomachs are tucked up as much as possible, their shoulders are straightened, their legs are spread wide apart. An ancient Greek statue pose, no less! Guys behave the same way when they meet a girl they like. They try to emphasize the breadth of their shoulders, highlight their torso, and inadvertently show off their muscles.
When a man is in love, he tries to touch his chosen one more often. With innocent gestures, such as a gentle stroke or touch on the shoulder, a man invades his comfort zone and asserts his position. This is how the subconscious desire to be close and support at any moment is manifested.
Pay attention to the eyes. A man in love has slightly dilated pupils. This is due to the activation of the sympathetic nervous system. Guys also prefer to look at the object of their adoration furtively, since they subconsciously perceive direct glances as a threat.
Behavior change
When a man is in love, it's not just his gestures that give him away. Even his behavior changes, although he tries not to advertise the feeling that has arisen.
The psychology of a man in love differs significantly from the psychology of a single man. A young man who has chosen the object of his courtship subconsciously takes responsibility for this girl. He worries, constantly wants to be aware of her affairs and concerns. He will always find time for meetings and will not refuse help. This behavior of a man in love is explained not only by the desire to conquer and show himself, but also by the need to be support and support.
During the courtship stage, conversations are of great importance. The young man listens carefully to his beloved and speaks a lot himself. This period is important in order to get to know each other better and find more common ground.
Trying to tell more about himself, the man introduces his chosen one to his friends. Thus, you can study the lady’s reaction to his friends and acquaintances. After all, one-on-one communication is good only in the initial stages of a relationship. For the development of further relationships, mutual understanding between a girl and friends is welcome.
An abundance of compliments also indicates an emerging feeling. In this case, the behavior of a man in love is dictated by the stereotypes of society. The beginning of a relationship for an enthusiastic young man is strongly associated with the stormy candy-bouquet period. Therefore, small gifts, bouquets of flowers and pleasant words signal a romantic mood.
When a man is in love, he will not criticize or condemn his chosen one. It is important for him not to offend the girl either by word or deed. At the first stages of a relationship, guys do not evaluate other people's actions and do not comment on her views and judgments.
Unfortunately, neither psychology nor physiology can give a complete and detailed answer to the question “How does a man in love behave.” All people are different and behavior patterns depend on their temperament, upbringing, social status, social circle and a million other reasons. There are no reliable signs by which one can tell whether a man is in love or not. Just as there is no 100% recipe for family and personal happiness.
But if a young man pays attention to a girl, surrounds her with care and tries to cheer her up or support her in difficult times, then this may be the beginning of a nascent feeling!
- Not talk for hours on the phone after the first date. Make fun. Go ahead. Make your own plans, make your own suggestions, and then politely end the conversation.
- Not Discuss serious issues early in the relationship. Not use the expressions that psychoanalysts love so much. Forget about catharsis, process, triggers and inner child. Don’t make a soothing soup out of your relationship and don’t tell your man that you want to heal his suffering soul.
- If you believe in astrology, Not tell the man that you can meet with him only when Mercury moves retrograde relative to Jupiter.
- Not talk about who you were in your past life and who you will become in your future life. He'll think you've gone crazy.
- At the beginning of a relationship Not Meet with your man more than once a week. After some time, you can meet with him twice.
- Not go crazy and don't call yourself if he doesn't call you. Better make him worry and wonder what you're doing if you don't pick up the phone when he finally calls you.
- If a man invites you to an expensive restaurant, Not Order a green salad "with oil and vinegar served on the side" so you don't have to stare at your plate with hungry eyes. Not Be nervous, don’t try to impress a man with your refined manners. Enjoy life and don't hide it.
- Not Sprinkle your first dinner together with tales of overcoming childhood trauma.
- Not try to start correcting a man from the first date. Psychological analysis can scare anyone away.
- Not go with your man to meet his friends. You don't want him to treat you the same way he treats "the guys."
- Not Drive around his house with the lights off to see if he's home.
- If a man calls you and invites you to his place late at night, after he has returned from a friendly party, Not rush towards him headlong.
- Not date a man who suffers from painful addictions. Not try to help such a person by going with him to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Let him deal with his problems himself. If he can't treat himself well, he certainly won't be able to treat you well.
- Never Not call more than once a week, even if you really want to. Not leave long, sentimental messages on his answering machine. Speak in a friendly, short and clear manner.
- Not Send your man email more than once a week. Not write about “feelings”, “relationships”, about how you “need” something you don’t have. If a man sends you an email, Not respond within the next thirty seconds.
- Not stop eating, sleeping and exercising. Maintain your usual daily routine. If a man wants to spend more time with you than you are willing to give him, invite him to join you in an activity, such as walking your dog or riding a bike on the weekend.
- Not accept last-minute dates just because you miss him.
- Not hang around the door Not run to the mailbox every five minutes, Not Call your man several times a day. Relax, take a bath or shower, have dinner and relax. Live according to your own rhythm. Call your man back only when you feel ready. He needs to know that you have your own life and you like it.
- If you are talking to a man on the phone and the doorbell rings, Not tell him: “Don't hang up. I’ll see who came and try to get rid of him!” Calling back Not report immediately how your day went.
- Not go to him on the other side of the city only because you live with a neighbor, and he has his own apartment. Look at the map and estimate: from your house to his apartment is exactly the same distance as from his apartment to your house. Not feel guilty that he has to play by your rules.
- Not beg your man for love. Not demand this from him. Not Show love if you don't feel the man is ready to return it. If he doesn't pay attention to you, don't go out of your way to make him notice you.
- Not become a slave to the phone. Not scroll through his voicemail messages to your girlfriends to discuss every detail of the development of your relationship. Pay attention to the whole picture. Does this man complete your life? Do you feel good around him?
- Not Remember his phone number after the first date. Not call him and don't hang up. He knows very well that it is you.
- If a man is in a bad mood, apologize and mind your own business.
- Make every effort to think more about your own life. Only then will you remain bold and attractive in the eyes of a man.
At the beginning of a relationship, a girl often doubts that she correctly understands the man’s intentions. How to understand a man correctly? How to understand a man's behavior?
There are seven levels of harmony in the family. Briefly, they can be listed as follows:
- First level: attraction
- Second level: romance
- Third level: family
- Level Four: Deep Friends
- Fifth level: reverent love
- Sixth level: spiritual practice
- Seventh level: spiritual relationships
That is, there is a misunderstanding of the concept of family life.
According to the Vedas, the oldest texts, love arises only as a result of living together. She can't appear out of nowhere. It is physical attraction that is mistaken for love.
But this does not mean at all that there is no place for romance in the family; on the contrary, it will exist if a woman and a man cultivate certain character qualities.
A well-known aphorism says: “Family is about daily compromises.” You can paraphrase it a little and say that family is a daily struggle with your character.
We think everyone owes me. And here he or she is too. Let him do it the way I want. This doesn't work in family life. It is because of this that conflicts and quarrels arise; everyone wants everything to be done according to his orders!
But then you can’t expect any family harmony. Then you stop at the third level and that's it. You won't even be able to be friends.
You can argue about this for a long time and almost endlessly. Let's look at the first few levels of harmony.
The first level is attraction. This means not only physical attraction, but also emotional attraction. Physical attraction is more of a male aspect. A man is attracted to a woman's body, that's a fact. In women, the psyche is structured differently; in a man, a woman is first attracted to his mind and intellect, his character. That's how everything works. At first, a woman does not look at what kind of body a man has, she is interested in something else.
The second stage of relationships is uncertainty. This is when a man begins to doubt whether this is the same woman? It seems like I really wanted to meet her, and we’ve already met a couple of times, and somehow nothing... At first - wow, what a beauty. And now nothing... And the man begins to disappear. And the girl immediately starts to get nervous, he’s gone! She starts calling him and demanding an answer from him, why he disappeared, how he treats her.
And the man cannot answer anything because he DOESN’T KNOW. The stage of a relationship is uncertainty. He can't understand what he wants. He needs time to figure it out, and then, oops, they also demand some answers from him.
The more the girl begins to become hysterical, the further the man gets further and further away from her and soon disappears. It just disappears.
The most important thing is to endure this stage. The girl should wait quietly. Because in the psychology of a man there is a rule: the more a man moves away about his business, the more forcefully he is then attracted to the girl, he becomes closer to her.
That is, if a girl behaved correctly and did not discourage a man with her calls and text messages, then the man has a desire to build further relationships with this particular woman.
The woman doesn't have to do anything. Literally, nothing, you need to give time for doubt. And when a man calls, don’t unleash all the dogs on him, but start exactly from the point where they left off. That is, continue to build relationships.
It's just your choice. You may say that this is nonsense, but no one is stopping you from testing it in practice.
At the beginning of a relationship, the feeling of falling in love does not allow you to look at the world objectively and everything seems so beautiful, and the man next to you is the best on the whole Earth. Quite often in the behavior of men you can catch moments that a more realistic woman would consider alarming, but you are so happy and intoxicated with love that you simply do not notice some nuances, without attaching much importance to them. It would be worth it!
It is precisely because of your reluctance to notice these important situations for your future together that over time you may find yourself hostage to your temporary blindness. Remember how often you heard from friends whose relationships failed that the man had never been like this before, and everything was fine. People rarely change and all their characteristic traits can be seen even when a man tries to hide his negative qualities and shortcomings.
Let us draw your attention to some points that you may already be familiar with, but you tried to simply forget about them and not get hung up on such minor troubles.
Ignorance and disrespect
Let's take this simple situation: when your new acquaintance is late for a date. Circumstances may indeed develop in such a way that a man is late for a good reason and feels extremely guilty, profusely apologizing and promising to make amends for his offense. If a young man does not see anything wrong with this and absolutely does not believe that his lateness is a manifestation of disrespect for you, then this behavior indicates that he is either by nature a frivolous and irresponsible nature, or does not consider that meeting with You are such an important event for him, which already says a lot.
With this outcome of events, the girl should not smile sweetly and pretend that you don’t care and you are not offended at all. It is still necessary, without hysterics and special emotionality, to let your companion know that his lateness is extremely unpleasant for you. If he allows such behavior to repeat, then it is still better to end the relationship immediately, since you hardly want to throw in your lot with a windbag and an ignoramus who, moreover, does not have due respect for you.
Signs of a gigolo
Modern morals and the desire of some women to appear absolutely independent and self-sufficient have led to the practice where, when going to a restaurant together, each party pays their own bill. If you are not a supporter of such measures, but your date expresses reluctance to pay for dinner, then such a date is hardly worth developing to the next stage. Otherwise, you may find yourself next to a loser or gigolo who would prefer to hide behind your fragile back in a difficult situation. No woman will like this behavior. He is real and will never allow a woman to pay for him and her expenses during a date.
Obscene expressions
It is extremely common for a man to behave in such a way that he allows himself to speak obscenely in your presence. If you are not ready to abruptly cut off communication, then first try to explain to the young man that such expressions are unacceptable for you. Perhaps he will apologize and will no longer allow such behavior, but if the outcome is different, you should still stop communicating with someone who is not even able to refuse swear words for your sake.
Male egoism
Women have many false illusions about such a monster as male egoism. Without feeling a timely rebuff from you, this creature begins to grow at an alarming speed and will begin to require daily feeding. If your plans do not include spending your life caring for and serving a man who has been taught since childhood that he is simply a king and a god, then do not delay the breakup, free yourself from the unpleasant role of a concubine and attendants.
If your relationship with a man has already crossed the barrier of courtship and moved to a more intimate level, but suddenly it turns out that his behavior is unacceptable and that you are not at all suitable for each other as partners, then why continue what will eventually happen anyway? will collapse. Do not deprive each other of the opportunity to create a more harmonious relationship with another person who may become your soul mate.
And remember the simple truth that parents often tell their adult children who are starting an independent life. It lies in the fact that the main basis of relations between the sexes should be, first of all, mandatory mutual respect. Without it, any, even the most ardent, feelings are doomed to dry out and end in separation. Do not neglect this advice and take it into account when studying the object of your attention!
In the world of male psychology, everything is very complicated. Men live next to us, take care of us, but at the same time they have their own rules of the game. Women need to know these rules in order to understand them and become a winner in this game. The better you understand the psychology of men and the motives that lie behind it, the more you will rise in his eyes as a lover, wife and mother of his children.
Not a step back, or rule one
As life experience suggests, all people make mistakes. However, this axiom does not apply to men. They cannot be wrong by definition. We conducted a study on this issue, it showed that the likelihood of a man admitting his mistake tends to... absolute zero. This is especially true when a woman is right.
Admitting your mistakes is not at all typical of male nature. For the sake of appearance, he may apologize, but deep down he will believe that someone else is to blame: colleagues, ill-wishers, the situation, an unfortunate combination of circumstances. He himself will believe in it.
The main reason for such illogical behavior of men is the desire to remain a good guy for you and not disappoint your expectations. A man strives to be the best - this is how male psychology worked tens of thousands of years ago. Deep down in his soul, he himself understands that he is to blame and has made a mistake. However, if you constantly remind him of past mistakes or misdeeds, you will only make things worse.
Even if you were the one who was right, try not to defend your point of view too much and make sure that the man does not feel like a loser. Look at the situation through his eyes, even if it is very difficult to do. But, if you really value your relationship, you will have to learn this.
One step forward, two steps back, or rule two
The psychology of men is such that they rarely make acquaintances for the sake of long and serious relationships. Such representatives of the strong half of humanity are found only in not very good melodramas. Women are much more likely to think about marriage and serious relationships. There is also a statement that the smaller the partner's penis, the more prone he is to constancy. Of course, this does not apply to cases of “first love,” which is naturally “the strongest, most sincere and eternal.”
In most cases, any attempt to “ring” your man (or even a hint of it) can seriously ruin his mood and your relationship. For he looks at such things as an encroachment on his freedom, and this is a holy thing. Any encroachment on the space that a man considers personal is perceived extremely painfully by him.
Male psychology is similar to the psychology of lions: first they create a territory, and only after some time they begin to allow females into it . You should move in this direction very slowly and carefully. Any wrong step, awkward movement - and you will have to start all over again. Patience. If you show excessive pressure, then most likely he will close in on his territory or disappear from your life altogether. Therefore, think carefully about whether you are ready to spend a lot of time and effort to accomplish your plan.
You will need considerable endurance. Like a lioness, you must gradually and quietly creep up on your prey. One careless step and you will be left without lunch.
Do you want to marry a man? This is a very worthy goal, but to achieve it you need three things: patience, patience and more patience. You will never take this citadel with a dashing cavalry charge.
Dust in the eyes, or rule three
All men, regardless of age, are terrible braggarts. They all love to brag, the reason doesn't really matter. It could be a new car, a fashion model wife, or the number of books read. It is common for a man to prove that he is the best, and this is another distinctive property of male psychology.
Men especially love to brag about something in front of women. Women's admiration is a real balm for the wounded male soul. Perhaps this is one of the most powerful incentives in male behavior. It is unknown how many great discoveries have been made in the history of mankind and bloody wars started, for the sake of the enthusiastic sparkle of women's eyes and words of approval spoken by lovely lips.
A man who receives approval from a woman (especially one who is not indifferent to him) is capable of much. It’s as if he has wings growing behind his back, and he can solve any problem. We all need approval from other people, but this quality is especially evident in men. That's how they are built.
Take advantage of this weakness. Become a constant source of admiration for your man, and you will be rewarded handsomely.
Brevity is the sister of talent, or the fourth rule
Men and women perceive the communication process somewhat differently. Form is very important for a woman; she can communicate just for fun. A man views communication as a way of transmitting information.
Hence the different approaches to assessing the psychology of men and women. He often takes what he is told literally (although she often does this herself). The strong half of humanity is not good at hints, hidden requests and florid proposals. Men are very specific.
Based on this, try to build verbal communication. It is often believed that the “chosen one” must read thoughts like an open book, and understand hints at a glance. However, a man’s brain is structured differently, so excesses and disappointments often occur. Remember, the more you veil your request or desire, the higher the likelihood that it will simply not be understood. Speak directly, then your lover will understand what exactly you want from him.
This situation often happens: a woman tries to explain to her partner what she wants with the help of hints. The man does not understand the hints, and the situation reaches a dead end. It seems to her that she is expressing herself as clearly as possible and is irritated, but he feels that they want something from him and are dissatisfied with him. Male psychology is designed in such a way that he cannot understand what is going on and why it cannot be said openly.
A man is a concrete and logical being. He is used to asking specific questions and receiving clear information. If you want to be understood, learn to express yourself in a language that your interlocutor understands. Of course, it’s nice when they guess your thoughts and desires, but communicating with a man in his language is much more effective.
“The Iron Mask”, or rule five
The world of the powerful is very harsh and oppressive. The manifestation of emotions in him is often mistaken for weakness. Therefore, a real man (and even boys dream of being like this) hides his emotions behind an impenetrable mask. The ability to hide one's emotions is a typical feature of modern "muchachos". Keep this in mind.
If he has problems at work, he turns into a gloomy, taciturn, and sometimes aggressive creature. His greatest wish is for everyone to leave him alone. Including household members, children, parents and you, among others.
A woman, seeing such behavior of her beloved, begins to build the worst theories. Dark suspicions creep into her soul. Usually, there are two options for female behavior in this case. A girl can immediately be offended and withdraw into herself, or she can give her half an interrogation with passion and become offended later. In both cases, it will only aggravate the situation and add headaches to the man.
This issue can be resolved only after the man digests all the problems inside his head. It doesn’t matter what exactly happened: an insult, problems at work or a quarrel with a friend - the solution algorithm is always the same.
A woman simply must endure this period and treat it with understanding. And don’t create new problems from scratch. It’s not his fault: that’s just the way men’s psychology works.
Herd instinct, or the sixth rule
It is not true that people united in packs only in ancient times. They still love to do this today. It can be added that the stronger sex, young and old, does this with particular pleasure. True, now they are called companies.
There are several principles by which such groups gather:
- according to the age;
- by interest;
- alliance against a common enemy.
The first principle of unification is quite clear. Peers always have something to talk about.
Association based on interests is also quite natural. Points of contact can lie in any area (cars, sports, fishing).
The third type is the most saturated with adrenaline and the most aggressive. He does not tolerate other points of view, is merciless towards those who are not part of the group and has a heightened sense of justice.
There is a standard set of topics that are happy to be discussed in groups, regardless of their type. These are politics, sports and sex (for women, respectively: money, children and male psychology).
You may feel differently about the fact that your half spends a lot of time in the company, and does not spend it on you. In fact, there are two options: either take it for granted, or try to enter the company of your man.
If you choose the second option, you should change some settings in your head. We offer you a set of ready-made:
- my man has great company;
- I really like their gathering place;
- express your desire to visit the company;
- if you fail, try again in a couple of weeks;
- My man's friends are my friends.
"The Dying Swan", or the seventh rule
There is no more defenseless creature than a sick man. Even in early childhood, he was taught that in case of illness, he automatically turns into the center of the Universe. In this case, you don’t have to do many things; those around you treat him with attention and care, speak in a whisper and walk on tiptoe. He gets carte blanche for everything he wanted for a long time.
Don't break this script. Take full advantage of this moment: sympathize with his difficult condition, cook him decoctions and broths, feed him with a spoon. Despite the fact that the technique is somewhat manipulative, it is completely written off in the paradigm of male psychology. And if you add a little sincerity, then very real worldly happiness is ensured.
Be loved and happy!
