It is not the responsibility of the expectant father to participate in the medical management of the pregnancy. Some people find this necessary to ask any questions, gain confidence, or interact with their child for the first time. They come with their spouse for some consultations and/or ultrasounds. This decision is made between the two of you to ensure that your presence does not embarrass your partner.

What should a future father do?

During pregnancy, the woman is carefully monitored: seven mandatory consultations a gynecologist or midwife and three ultrasounds performed in the maternity hospital or in a private office. Future father, if desired, can be present at the same time. Some accompany their wives to consultations, others, and the majority of them, limit themselves to being present at the ultrasound.

And each time it depends on the person himself: some doctors and midwives immediately find contact with the future father, others tend to take his presence less into account. For some time now, practicing doctors have become accustomed to accepting couples and calmly turn to the father during an ultrasound. During consultations the situation is different.

Consultation for two

If you attend consultations at the beginning of pregnancy, then from the 4th to the 9th month, you have enough information and confidence. Before attending any counseling session, talk to your partner about it.

It is possible that she will be shy and prefer to stay one-on-one with the doctor to discuss intimate problems. It must also be taken into account that it is possible that medical institution she may feel awkward. If you think that she is not telling you something, then dialogue is necessary - this is the only way you can find a Compromise that suits both sides.

What is the point of your presence

Whatever questions you ask yourself without waiting for a dialogue to be established, your presence is a good way to get information. Even better is to voice your questions. But to come simply to “please her” and remain in the role of a spectator - there is not much point in this. You should also be interested, not to mention satisfy your curiosity: what your partner is experiencing and how the child is developing.

Information for reassurance

Some men need to hear from their doctor that everything is going well. Is she getting enough rest? Or does he eat? Is it normal for her to be in pain? Others have more personal questions about future parenthood, about which, as they understand, there are no prohibited questions during consultations. The role of the midwife or doctor is also to help expectant parents get through these 9 months of waiting safely and build a future family.

First contact with the baby

Many men have a desire to see and hear their baby when he is still in his wife’s belly. These are very deep emotions - when the doctor places a stethoscope on the expectant mother's belly and you hear your baby's heartbeat, or when the two of you see the image of the baby on the screen ultrasound machine. If you want, your midwife can show you how to feel your baby move in your mother's belly.

Search for information yourself?

It happens that consultations leave some questions unanswered or you do not want to ask some questions in front of your partner. Even if there is a dialogue in the family, each of the partners may want to speak in a slightly different way.

During pregnancy, a man has few opportunities to communicate privately with a doctor or midwife, except for a personal consultation.

Practitioners, with some exceptions, rarely offer advice to the expectant father, but they will be happy to accept you if you seek advice. And it's not necessarily because you don't like your future parenthood. Most fathers ask themselves questions they don't dare articulate. For example: Will she pay attention to my needs when the baby is born? They often try to better understand a woman's reaction or learn more about her physiology. Men have their own questions, and it will be better if they can ask them privately. Especially if a woman refuses to take a man with her to consultations.

I love being present for ultrasounds. This allows me to not only share the joy of seeing our unborn child with my partner, but also to gain information by asking questions.

Sensitive issues

• Apart from pregnancy, men very rarely accompany their spouse to the gynecologist, and even less often - just to the doctor. If he decides that he will be present at the ultrasound or consultation, then he is invading intimate life women, a sphere he does not know. His shyness, as well as his partner's, can hurt feelings.
• This is why it is recommended to talk to your partner first: ask how this is happening, ask if she approves of your presence until the end of the consultation.
• Maybe we should go out for the inspection? The consultation takes place in 2 stages: first a discussion and then an examination. It is possible that you will be present for the first part of the consultation, then return to the waiting room while the doctor or midwife performs a vaginal examination.
• If you stay, you or your partner may want to ask your doctor to cover your lower abdomen with a sheet (some doctors do this regularly, others don't). Feel free to ask for the same during an endovaginal (the doctor inserts a probe into the vagina) ultrasound.
• In any case, talk to the doctor or midwife monitoring the pregnancy: tell about your difficulty or ask if something is not clear, but do not forget about your wife’s shyness.

Your wife becomes a little different during pregnancy. Starting from the fourth month, it blossoms and its forms become rounded. Noticing changes in it, you experience either anxiety, pride, irritation or happiness...

Discrepancies in the first months

In the first 3 months, you will notice only slight changes in your wife's appearance. Sometimes it will even seem to you that life has not changed at all, and it will be difficult for you to realize that your wife is really carrying a child.

And yet they may already appear various signs presence of a fetus, but each woman has her own: dizziness, increased fatigue, drowsiness, irritability or quickly passing tearfulness - all this is possible, but not necessary.

Definitely, your wife already feels this new life, but she can't convey it to you. Sometimes a slight misunderstanding may arise between you - she senses the presence of the child well, but you do not realize it. Therefore, in the first months there will be some discrepancies between your sensations

Changeable mood

Pregnancy in initial stage does not always affect the mood or character of a woman. But quite often it happens that a woman reacts more emotionally to something insignificant or harmless. Crying will not necessarily mean that she is sad, but irritation will. that she is angry: all these manifestations, like laughter, are primarily an expression of her emotions.

Long before her belly becomes round, a woman feels very strong changes in herself. The swings in her mood may sometimes puzzle you, but this is absolutely normal phenomenon. Often a woman becomes calmer closer to the 2nd trimester. But during this period, you yourself may begin to experience mood swings, because only then will you begin to realize

With that in mind, be as patient with each other as you can. Whatever you do pregnancy is underway in its own way. The most important thing for your wife is that you remain a loving husband.

To be happy, a pregnant woman first of all needs her husband to be affectionate with her.

Rounded belly

From the beginning of the 2nd trimester, you will see your wife's body gradually changing. Some men then begin to feel great pride in their wife’s rounded belly. Walking next to her on the street, they experience truly masculine pleasure: their wife’s pregnancy seems to confirm them masculinity. In the same way, many women feel more feminine than ever before. In addition, these feelings are often interconnected. As a rule, the happier a woman is, the more attracted a man is to her, and vice versa.

But sometimes you may feel strange when you see the changes happening to her body. It also happens that a woman looks at herself critically when her belly grows so large that she has to change her entire wardrobe, when due to heavy weight she finds it difficult to stand or has other difficulties. Your attentive attitude towards her at this time is especially important.

If she often complains about her health

Some women experience little or no discomfort during pregnancy. Others sometimes have stomach pain, or digestive problems, or can't stand on their feet for long, etc. Every woman feels differently.

Most often, possible disorders and pain appear at the beginning or end of pregnancy. When they appear during the first weeks, some men cannot take their wife’s complaints seriously and sometimes even become irritated. They think that the time has come to support their spouse, but they are not ready for this yet. The wife, meanwhile, as a rule, telling her husband that something is wrong with her, wants him to just listen to her. As a rule, the situation improves by the 4th month at the latest.

It's really not always easy to hear your wife's complaints, especially if they bother you. Sometimes you feel confused, not knowing whether this state of affairs is normal or whether there is some problem. Perhaps you want to help her, but don't know how. The best thing is to talk to her about it. It happens that your wife simply does not understand that you are worried or confused.

Be careful if

Theoretically, since your wife regularly visits the gynecologist, she knows when she needs to see a doctor immediately. But you can also play the role of a sentry. Be vigilant and advise her to see a doctor if, for example, she constantly feels nauseous or has frequent stomach pain. In general, any persistent pain or psychological problems are not good sign. Of course, you know your wife well enough to know that she needs help if at any point she becomes confused or too tired to do anything. In this case, take her to the doctor.

Trust your wife

Even if your wife sometimes needs your help, this does not mean that pregnancy makes a woman weak. Some women blossom, become stronger and gain self-confidence during pregnancy. As a rule, the expectant mother, observing different doctors, knows what is good for her and the child.

If she is very busy at work and sometimes overworked, advise her to take care of herself. But overall you can trust her. If she says that she is quite capable of engaging in any activity, you should not stand in her way. She does not need care, but your love. If you don’t know how to help your spouse during pregnancy, and your role seems insignificant to you, remember that the main thing is just to be with her.

When dad's belly grows...

• Sometimes during his wife's pregnancy, a man himself begins to experience symptoms of pregnancy: for example, he gains weight or feels unusual back pain. Sometimes this makes others smile, slightly mocking or touched, because they interpret this as a manifestation of great paternal involvement.
• Doctors call this phenomenon “couvade,” referring to the ritual of some American Indian tribes, in which a man simulates pregnancy and childbirth, performing a series of purely symbolic actions in order to acquire the status of a father in the eyes of society.
• In Europe, couvade is a man's manifestation of an unconscious desire to be a mother - an unrealizable desire. There is no cause for concern, but loved ones and doctors should pay attention to this.
• These men, probably more than others, should talk about their feelings... at least to a doctor, in a private consultation. Kuvada is not a sign of paternal involvement, but rather of a need for self-affirmation.

Starting from the third month of pregnancy, the baby and dad can contact through mom's belly. Some men experience intense emotions when they feel a baby under their fingers. Others don't even want to touch their belly. Don't put pressure on your stronger half. In any case, these touches have little effect on the child's development.

Awakening the senses

Much more is now known about fetal development and its sensory organs. There is no doubt that when a mother mentally “talks” to her child, she receives a response. It is also known that from the 3rd month the fetus responds to touch, and from the 5th month - to the voice. These discoveries slightly changed the attitude of future fathers to this issue. They became more willing to make contact with the child in the stomach. It's up to you to decide whether you want to establish a close emotional connection before your baby is born. Perhaps you will find in this a special pleasure and joy from the moments spent in an intimate atmosphere, the three of you.

Talk with your voice and hand

From the 3rd month, the baby is able to perceive the touch, weight and warmth of the hand, even if the mother cannot yet feel the baby inside her. Therefore, you can already “talk” to him in this way.

Don't be afraid of light pressure

Touch how you feel, be yourself. Even if you just put your hand on your stomach, it will feel you. But if you want to put a little pressure on your stomach to feel it better, don't be afraid, you won't do anything bad to it. When an expectant mother sneezes, the uterine walls vibrate much more than when you apply light pressure.

You can ask your midwife for advice, she will show you simple movements with which you can contact your baby.

He hears you

If you say something to him when you are close to his stomach, he will hear you. In general, starting from the 5th month, he hears everything you say, since external sounds are clearly distinguishable from the inside.

So every time you two talk, there are actually three of you, and future baby perfectly senses the gentle intonations of your voice when you address him or his mother.

Haptonomy - communication before birth

If you want to make your contact with your child even more intense, you can undergo haptonomy sessions. They are intended for parents who want to undergo special preparation for childbirth, and begin from the 4th month.

"Sacrament" Ultrasound

• Expectant fathers are increasingly present during ultrasound examinations. From the very first time, many experience strong emotions at the sight of the fetus. His silhouette is already clearly visible, and he begins to move.
• Many even claim that it was the ultrasound image that made them realize the imminent arrival of the child, and not the words of their partner. Can these first photographs be considered as a kind of “initiation as fathers”? Perhaps... In practice, indeed, the first ultrasound for the expectant father is of the same importance as for the expectant mother. After all, at the beginning of pregnancy, he has no other opportunity to realize the imminent appearance of the baby.
• If the first ultrasound is a very strong emotions, then the second and third studies help the father to a greater extent to understand the upcoming event.
• You, like many parents, will probably want to take a photo of the fetus or even record a video. Many clinics now provide such services.

If you don't want to touch your unborn child

It is unknown when you will want to have contact with the baby, maybe at the end of the term, or maybe only after he is born. Don't blame yourself. If you force yourself, it won't do anything.

Sensual relationships before childbirth will not affect the relationship that you will have with your baby after his birth. Even if you never touched your belly during pregnancy, the baby will recognize you when it is born.

However, your reluctance to touch your belly can be offensive to a woman. She may mistake your embarrassment and apprehension for indifference.

You may not be ready to receive new ones tactile sensations, but you will be happy to communicate with your child “at a distance” - some dads start with conversations, reading fairy tales, others hum their favorite tunes to their baby. In any case, the method of communication is up to you to choose - follow your inner feelings.

Ask your spouse how she feels during the moments of your contact with the child. Her story will help you realize the presence of a new person in your life.

Your child hears everything!

• This is a well-known misconception among expectant parents. The child seems to be looking “through the keyhole” and watching what you are doing there!
• Yes, from the 5th month he listens to your voice, but he “does not hear” you, that is, he does not realize the meaning of the words you utter. For him, the timbre of his voice and intonation are more important.

If the pregnancy proceeds without complications, the father does not have to take part in his wife’s medical examinations. But in some cases his help may be required (for example, when taking water procedures, during the intimate hygiene or if necessary to comply strict regime). Therefore, it is better that you have basic information - then it will be easier for you and your spouse to monitor the implementation of all recommendations.

Help with everyday life

As a rule, if a woman has a medical problem during pregnancy, doctors directly inform her husband about it during a family consultation.

A woman who talks about her problems herself may not always be objective in assessing her condition.

You may misjudge the situation if it is presented to you emotionally and your wife is in an anxious state.

On the contrary, if she doesn't say something without wanting to scare you, you may underestimate the likely consequences. Therefore, if you get information from your doctor, you will be in a better position to help your spouse.

Mutual support

Some complications that occur during pregnancy require special precautions. For example, gestational diabetes requires adherence to a strict diet.

If you put yourself in the position of your spouse and also begin to adhere to the regime, you will help her not to “break down.”

If there is a risk of premature birth

In this case, you will need to reconsider your previous lifestyle. The woman will have to comply with bedtime

regimen, get plenty of rest. She will not be able to continue her previous active activities.

Provide her with moral support and take on some of the household chores (or find an au pair).

You will feel better if you are confident that your doctor's recommendations are being followed.

Sometimes, despite all precautions, a baby is born prematurely. If you have prepared in advance for this scenario, it will be easier for the two of you to cope with it.

The doctor as a mediator

• Sometimes a woman faces problems of social and family character, and the doctor has to play the role of a mediator, choosing according various reasons Who should tell the test results first: the husband or the patient.
• The doctor may advise you to become a “fortress” and protect your wife when she is not able to stand up for herself. For example, your participation may be required in your spouse's relationship with the employer - you can always encourage him to comply with the principles of equality. You can also protect your wife from hanging out with depressed friends.
• This could be your participation as a future father, since rare pregnancy proceeds completely smoothly, and the woman needs support loved one, capable of taking on some of the problems.

My wife often has bouts of melancholy. I know that I can’t blame her for this, but sometimes it’s hard for me to listen to her and find the right words to calm her down.

I know that these days pregnancy and childbirth are not as dangerous as they used to be, but I can’t help but have dark thoughts and am very afraid for my wife’s life.

Fighting sadness

A pregnant woman is especially defenseless, and you want to protect her more than ever.

Your concern is understandable, but in fact, the likelihood of a bad outcome is minimal.

Therefore, there is no need to worry. In industrialized countries, the number of deaths during pregnancy and postpartum period very little. Most of them occur as a result of improper medical support.

However, there are several ways to make your pregnancy even safer.

A man can provide maximum comfort if:

• will take care of optimal conditions medical support of pregnancy;
• will ensure that the wife does some sports (with the consent of the doctors);
• will do relaxing exercises with his wife;
• will give the woman the opportunity to rest more, while he himself will do household chores (laundry, cooking, cleaning);
• will help the wife effectively prepare for the arrival of the baby, for example, will accompany her on shopping trips to buy the necessary things for the unborn child. It’s good if the spouse takes full responsibility for purchasing a stroller and crib for the baby.

Remember that your other half needs psychological support, and above all, from your side.

Think about the future, oh family life, about how your wife will change after the birth of a child - this is also another stage on the path to fatherhood. If this is your first child, you may be intimidated by future responsibilities, changes in your daily habits, in your relationship with your wife... don't exaggerate.

Everyone experiences it differently

Apart from some moments, life continues to go on as usual while expecting a child. Some people isolate themselves on their family, thinking in advance about how to build a “nest”; others, on the contrary, try to spend as much time as possible outside the home. You don't have many commitments during these 9 months, but that doesn't mean you're in a passive state. Even if outwardly you have not changed much, important changes are taking place in your soul, which sometimes require distance and isolation. But this too certain stage, leading to a new life.

Everything you experience during this period does not always happen on a conscious level. Your hidden, inner self influences your behavior. Questions, doubts, plans for the future - all this is just the visible part of the iceberg. Even men who dreamed of having a child experience internal turmoil. It can happen at any time: for some it will be caused by the news of pregnancy, for others it will happen much later. There are no identical options here.

Aware of future responsibilities

It happens that the expectant father is worried about the meeting with the newborn, but most often he thinks about changes in Everyday life. First of all, these changes concern the material side: a new distribution of time and responsibilities, future costs... All these thoughts sooner or later lead to one question: “Will I be able to solve all these problems?” And if one of the family members is not sure of a stable income, the financial side of the issue can cause great concern.

In addition, everyone understands that there will be big changes in the family structure. You will have less opportunity to go out, you will have to spend more time at home, take fewer guests, at least in the first months of a child’s life. You will have to take on some of the household responsibilities that your wife can no longer perform. All this cannot but cause concern. However, in reality, everything turns out to be not as difficult as you thought. You will suddenly realize that spending time with your child is a very pleasant experience. Yes, some of your fears will be confirmed, but you will look at them differently, since you will simultaneously experience positive emotions and great satisfaction...

Concern for the family

Before the birth of a child, many men think about what changes will happen in their family. If your wife is expecting a child with great impatience and joy, you will involuntarily ask yourself the question: “Will the child take all her attention? Will she still have room for me? Will she be interested in me not only as a father, but also as a man? So many questions arise in your head... Yes, when a woman becomes a mother, she changes, but so do you.

These changes cannot be prevented, but nothing will stop you from loving each other as before. You just need to maintain this feeling. If, first of all, you see a mother in your wife, there is a high probability that, sensing cooling on your part, she will concentrate all her attention on the child. You must always be there, look after her, show her the same signs of attention as before. Feeling your love and tenderness, she will not focus exclusively on the child. Therefore, it is necessary to share your concerns with your partner.

Imagine the future

Naturally, during these 9 months, the two of you will think about the future, dream and make plans. You imagine a child, yourself as a father and your wife as a mother.

All these thoughts are part of your imagination, a reflection of your hidden desires. In reality, everything can be completely different.

There is nothing wrong with this, this is also a kind of stage on the path to fatherhood.

When the time comes, you will find a way to adapt to the real situation, not the imaginary one.

Waiting for my son

As a rule, men do not imagine the features of their future child as persistently and intensely as women. They begin to make plans and imagine doing things together with the baby after his birth. However, men often wonder about the gender of the child. For example, they want a boy, and this is of particular importance to them.

If the thought of this bothers you, find out the sex of the baby in advance (if possible, from the 5th month). Then you will have time to prepare yourself mentally and not feel too disappointed when the baby is born.

You will also have enough time to understand that the child is a full-fledged person, and not an object of your whims and hopes.

Dream of an ideal mother

No doubt, you have an image of an ideal mother in your head, perhaps she is similar to your mother.

You imagine her as gentle and calm, but reality will not always meet your expectations. IN Once again you will have to look at things soberly.

The main thing is that everything is in order and you do not overestimate the situation. There is no such thing as an “ideal” mother. It is important that she has confidence that you will be a good father.

That's how new stage your family life, where everyone will discover something new and surprising in their partner.

I am already seven months pregnant and am very worried about our future. I keep asking myself how a child will change our lives.

Becoming parents

It is not unusual that the day before important events(job change, wedding) you are overcome by a feeling of anxiety and worry.

Expecting a baby is a special event, and you are excited to prepare for it. However, if you think that your baby will obey you and smile all the time, you will be disappointed.

At first, you may not even be able to understand why he is crying (especially when you are about to eat, take a bath, or are just very tired).

If you imagined a carefree life, wonderful walks in the garden, trips to the zoo and shopping for elegant clothes, reality may surprise you unpleasantly.

Sleepless nights await you, but they are worth the happiness when you rock a little living bundle in your arms, when you see his first smile, hear the first words from his lips and help him take his first steps. It’s okay if you don’t get enough sleep, don’t finish eating, and sometimes your plans to spend the night together won’t happen!

Will you be happy with your baby? Of course, because it is impossible to become happy living by illusions alone.

Surely, during your wife’s pregnancy, you managed to remember your childhood years and imagine how you would raise a child. Perhaps you have not yet fully realized and accepted the fact that there are already three of you.

In any case, this period will be a time of reassessment of values ​​for you.

During the nine months of waiting, my imagination draws me not only an image perfect baby, but also the image of his ideal mother.

About dad: together and at the same time alone

During this time, emotional life changes all the time, everything is possible: from great tenderness to a small storm.. Often your partner’s behavior causes you pain. Each of you is experiencing an inner spiritual upheaval and shows it in your own way. If you manage to understand each other, it will be easier for you to get through this.

Couple in motion

For some couples, pregnancy is a time of frequent changes, quarrels and reconciliations, relationships in which there are misunderstandings and periods of complete harmony between lovers. Others, on the contrary, become closer friend to a friend and stay together for the entire nine months, trying to avoid the slightest misunderstanding between themselves. In general, the situation is not simple, and everyone tries to decide in their own way how to deal with this transition period joys and pitfalls.

Between her, you... and him. You are still the same couple you were before. You don't talk about the baby all the time, but when you mention it, your duet turns into a trio. You like to be alone for now; sometimes “he” appears in your conversations, but is not the main topic of them. There are still two of you, but soon you will become parents. Clashes happen when you are upset. This cannot be avoided, especially if this is your first child. In a sense, these difficult moments are also a stage on the path to the development of harmonious relationships.

Where do the disagreements come from? The main reason for misunderstanding is the unpreparedness to understand oneself (or the expectant mother) in the role of parents. The woman is often the first to realize this role, while for you the birth of a child is still so abstract and distant. Naturally, you are simply not able to understand her feelings and experiences. And it also happens that you are the first to realize that you will become a father, and your companion is not yet ready for this.

Sometimes disagreements occur due to a mismatch of desires: you want to spend time quietly at home, but she wants to go for walks, visit exhibitions and museums, because she is afraid that later she simply will not have time for this. Or vice versa. ..

Perhaps you are annoyed by the excessive presence of relatives on one side or the other. You may misinterpret each other's behavior. You prefer to react as little as possible to her words, worrying everything about yourself, and she takes this for indifference...

Drink the cup alone

Even if you do your best to get through this period together, you will never be able to experience the same emotions. Firstly, because her body is changing, but yours is not, and secondly, she physically feels the child, but you do not. This difference is very big. In addition, everyone has their own path that needs to be followed: for you - from son to father, for her - from daughter to mother.

You yourself don’t always understand what’s going on inside you. Becoming a father means reassessing values, looking into your innermost experiences. Would you like to follow parent method education? Do your parents still put pressure on you or, on the contrary, are they too distant from you? What would you like to protect your child from? What would you like to teach him? How do you rate your adult life? Have you achieved everything you wanted in life? All these reasonings and references to the past and future will gradually lead you to realize yourself as a father. Even if you never thought about these questions or did it in a different form, you still turn to childhood memories, more or less pleasant.

It is rare for a man to not experience any emotions upon learning that he will have his first child. Of course, he will love and educate him. In any case, this is a very personal journey. Your wife, for her part, will also go through this path of reflection, but she will do it “from her bell tower.” Of course, you can try to discuss it, but what will you get? Is this really necessary?

Prepare the apartment

• Clean the apartment, prepare a full lunch and supplies of food and ready-made dishes, so that at least on the first day mom is not busy with the stove.
• Assemble the crib. The same applies to the stroller and changing table.
• Don’t forget to check that everything in the house is in working order: sockets, electrical appliances, plumbing.

Respect your partner's point of view

This may seem obvious, but it is worth repeating that a couple's relationship depends on how much one partner respects the feelings of the other. Allow the person next to you to be themselves, even if you do not fully understand each other. In order to cross this line, you need freedom.

You need time to answer internal questions in order to prepare for the arrival of a child in the family. Your wife needs to understand that you cannot always be there for her, sometimes you need distance. You also need to understand that she is going through a unique experience and needs close emotional contact with the baby. Accept each other for who you are and don’t try to force your relationship into the norm.

Be careful with stereotypes. There is a strong opinion among men that a woman during pregnancy should only experience a feeling of happiness and ecstasy, but in reality everything may turn out to be somewhat different. Some women don't like the changes happening to their body. They would rather prefer to avoid this period of gestation, although they happily think about motherhood. Others perceive this period more emotionally, but they are overcome by doubts and fears, and therefore sometimes they want to return to their previous state. At these moments, a man may mistakenly think that she will not make a good mother.

Women also have stereotypes regarding the behavior of men. You should not trust generally accepted clichés and make erroneous opinion about your companion, if she does not correspond to your image of an ideal mother, you can hurt her in vain. For your part, you also have the right to have your own views respected.

Fluid sexuality

Sex life, just like emotional relationships, become different, differently in each pair. Some people make love less, especially in last trimester. Others, on the contrary, get even more pleasure from it.

Rarely physical state women causes a decrease in libido. Most often the culprit is mental and emotional condition partners. If at this time a woman feels great, she seems even more desirable and beautiful to her husband. The desire of one “fuels” the other, the couple experiences even greater attraction to each other and feels absolutely happy.

Physiological changes. During this period, some changes may occur to a woman that affect sexuality. Don't be surprised if she suddenly begins to reach orgasm faster or last weeks will begin to experience a little pain. This is due to the restructuring of her hormonal system. You just need to take these points into account, there is nothing unusual about it.

Are you afraid to make love? Most often, the initiative to refuse lovemaking comes from a man. He is afraid of hurting the child, of disturbing him, especially when he begins to move. These fears are unfounded. The child inside does not feel any pain or pressure from the outside, because the walls of the uterus are elastic, even in the last hours.

Another reason why a man is afraid to make love at this time is of a more delicate nature. Some treat their growing belly with such trepidation that it seems to them that touching it is a sin. Talk and calmly discuss this situation. If you don't do this, the woman will think that she is no longer attracted to you or, worse than that, you don't love her anymore.

If dialogue fails

• If you feel that there is no longer mutual understanding between you, if you no longer talk to each other, you have stopped spending time together and everyone has their own things to do, it’s time to sound the alarm.
• If the situation doesn't improve, you both need help. Avoiding physical intimacy or staying silent won't solve anything.
• Some couples break up before the baby is born and then get back together after the baby is born. The main thing is that the wounds you inflict on each other are not too deep.

When it comes to raising a baby, the only certainty is that he will cry and that his diapers will need to be changed. Any dad or mom can figure this out, everything else is much more difficult.

No matter how many books you read, parenting classes you attend, and videos you watch, parenthood is sure to be a unique experience. Here's a list of things to know before your baby arrives.

You're on your own

The child was born, relatives and friends visited you, all your acquaintances congratulated you on the birth of your baby. After this, a few days pass, and you need to learn how to install the cradle in the car. It doesn't matter whether you've had children before or read books on parenting. When you have your first child, you have to learn everything from your own experience. You cannot foresee everything in advance; life will definitely make adjustments to your plans. All this can be quite scary, but you can handle it. Just stick together, parents must support each other - otherwise parenting will turn out to be an even more difficult test.

Children love to sleep in their parents' bed

It is quite possible that your baby will spend the first year of his life in the same bedroom as you. It's not always perfect option, but this allows you to easily take your baby from the bassinet to bed if he cries. When the child gets older, he will get out of his own bed and come to his parents. You're guaranteed to notice this in the middle of the night because babies often kick quite a bit in their sleep.

It is very difficult to give up established habits

If you start letting your child do things, it quickly becomes a habit. For example, if you allow your child to sleep in bed with you, this is convenient, but soon the child no longer wants to sleep separately. We can say that this helps strengthen the relationship with the baby, but it will be quite difficult to wean him from this habit. As a result, you will begin to dream of a more spacious bed.

It doesn't matter if it's cold outside, the child doesn't freeze

At training courses for future parents, they are taught that the child should always be dressed in a layer of clothes warmer than adults. However, once your baby is old enough to speak his mind, you may find that he doesn't feel cold at all. Children often do not want to wear a hat or warm jacket not because of whims, but because they are really comfortable even without warm clothes.

Children eat when they are hungry

Many in childhood were persuaded to eat spoon after spoon. Parents always think that they better than a child know how much he should eat. In fact, your baby will probably tell you if he is hungry. If he doesn't know how to speak yet, he will still be able to show his displeasure. All children know when they are hungry, you just have to listen to their needs.

Not all children like to share

Many parents force their children to share, but this is not necessary. If your child takes something valuable with him to the playground, you can remind him that others want to play too, but he still has the right to refuse.

Potty training can be challenging.

If you interact with other parents, they will probably wonder if your child uses the potty. Many people make a big deal about going diaper free and can't imagine how to feel about it. this issue carefree. In fact, children themselves determine whether they are ready. Some people are able to directly say when they want to use the potty. The rest of the time, you can encourage your baby, read themed books with him and support him in every way, but don’t try to force him. As a result, the process will be much more comfortable for all of you. Of course, there will be occasional troubles, but probably much less than you expect.

Holidays

If you have different religious views, you will constantly celebrate everything twice as much. It's quite difficult. Gifts are especially difficult - you will have to buy them for every holiday. It may even seem to you that you are pampering your child, because he associates every celebration only with gifts, however, this is probably not the case - you are simply giving your child warm emotions.

You will constantly spend money

Even if you have many relatives who are able to help you and give you some children's things, you will still have to do your own shopping. All this will lead to ongoing costs. Children grow quickly, so they constantly need something new, things get torn all the time. Be prepared for the fact that purchases will happen much more often than you are used to.

Choose a suitable nanny

This may seem obvious, but you will still have a hard time finding a nanny. You need someone you can trust so you don't have to worry every minute you're not with your baby. It is best to find a permanent nanny who will always come to you. In this case, you can spend the evening outside the house from time to time.

Your patience will be constantly tested

If you have a short temper, raising a child may not be the easiest task for you. The child may also have a strong character, as a result you will constantly get involved in arguments. Those parents who have angelic patience cope best with this situation. If you believe in the path of least resistance and know how to put yourself in the child's shoes, it will be much easier for you. However, you should understand that sometimes it is simply impossible to remain calm, and some behaviors, such as drawing on walls, are simply unacceptable. Such behavior should be firmly discouraged while remaining calm.

Children usually have a favorite parent

In most cases, children prefer their mother. Even if both parents spend the same amount of time with the child and share responsibilities equally, the child may still have a favorite with whom he wants to be more. You should understand that this is completely normal - don't take it personally, even if your self-esteem drops. You can still experience a lot with your child and give him a great experience.

Never forget about safety

Playing sports is necessary, the child learns to compete with others, cope with defeat, develops his social skills and just has a great time. However, it is worth understanding that not all types of sports are of great importance. If a child learns to swim, this is truly important. Don't allow fun and jumping into the pool if your child doesn't know how to swim, remember that safety always comes first.

Personal space will disappear

It's possible that you'll not only be running out of space in your bed, but you'll also find that your entire home is dedicated to your kids. You can't hide from them. As a child grows, the number of his things also increases. It is dangerous to walk around the apartment barefoot because you could step on a toy. There can even be toys or books on the windowsill. However, sooner or later, the child masters the skill of cleaning and collects his things.

Sometimes denial doesn't work.

If a child hears only refusals, he becomes too restrained and constrained. If you don't want this result, try to behave correctly. Do not refuse too strictly, let the child understand what he can do in return for what you forbid him. For example, when your child asks you for ice cream, you can say that you will eat it after lunch, rather than simply prohibiting sweets.

On the Internet you can find a lot of information about how a man should behave with his pregnant wife, how to take on the role of a father, and how to help his wife care for the baby. But all these tips were written either by mothers in the form of wishes, or by doctors or other specialists, for example, psychologists.

Extraordinary because they were written... by dad. Alexander created the first “dad’s” blog in Ukraine, which he called “Tats to dads,” in which he shares his own experience of “being left behind by dad.”

“Hello, my name is Sasha and on the first of February I became the father of a beautiful daughter. There are many women's sites and forums dedicated to motherhood. But in our country it is somehow not customary to talk about fatherhood... In linguistic and cultural practices (“mother and child room”), the person-as-active-father does not seem to exist. Therefore, in this blog I will make my modest contribution to equality and share my findings and impressions about the role of a father,” writes Sasha.

So, attention, future dads! Some tips from Alexander on how to support your wife during pregnancy.

Although pregnancy is not yet noticeable outwardly, it is the first trimester that is difficult for many women. Your concern at this stage will not be forgotten and will be a good contribution to the construction strong relationships. Some tips may seem obvious, some are optional, but some will definitely significantly improve the life of your loved one:

1. Connect with other parents. Chat with your father. You will understand what you want to do the same and what you don’t.

2. Go for a walk with your wife every day. At least inject it at home. If possible, go to nature to breathe fresh air, feed the birds, go boating.

3. DO NOT sweat it when your wife is throwing up. Hold her hair during this and immediately bring her water. Bring a light breakfast to bed (salt crackers, fruit, toast, water lemon juice...) to prevent nausea.

4. Support your wife in maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Make sure there is less junk food in the refrigerator. Keep yourself in shape. Sleep well. Do exercises. If you smoke, it's time to quit.

5. Go with your wife for an ultrasound. Ask the doctor to show his face, fingers, and brain. Save a photo of your child.

6. DO NOT make any guesses about the gender (“I hope it’s a boy!”). When the doctor determines it, show that you are happy with the result. When the baby is born, you will love him regardless of your previous wishes. And remember that gender depends on your sperm brought the X or Y chromosome.

7. Stand up for your wife in everything. You must be her biggest advocate, always be on her side. Don’t be shy to “knock out” a chair for her, a seat on public transport, skip-the-line access, proper attitude from others. Make her feel like she can rely on you.

8. Show your interest. You won't think about pregnancy every second of your time. But your wife will. She may feel that you are not interested enough in the child. Be patient. Read books (or blogs:) about raising a child.

9. Set aside regular time to talk about your pregnancy. Tell your wife about the traits that will make her a great mom. Plan for the future. Discuss the question: “What experience do we have with children? What else do we need to study? Who can leave work for how long? Who can help with the child? "Etc..

10. Don't be silent:) Don't be afraid to ask your wife what else you can do to help her cope better with pregnancy. Don't be afraid to tell her about your feelings and experiences.

Try to make sure that pregnancy is only mentioned with pleasure.

The above things apply to the first half of pregnancy. (However, this does not mean that you can no longer observe them.)

The second half of the advice concerns the period when the stomach can no longer be ignored, nausea has been replaced by back pain, and it’s time to pack your things for the maternity hospital.

1. Sign up for pregnancy courses. And visit them with your wife! You don't want her sitting there alone surrounded by couples.

2. Find out important information: What is the situation with vaccination? what do you need to get state aid? Show that your wife does not need to worry about bureaucratic problems.

3. Think about what might help you endure physical exercise pregnancy. Help your wife find and attend some kind of Pilates, yoga, swimming.

4. Keep your sense of humor in check. Even if you have a dozen witty jokes on your tongue about changes in your wife's appearance or behavior, voicing them is not a good idea.

5. Patiently and dreamily hold your hands on your stomach when your wife wants it :) Even if you don’t feel any movement there.

6. Talk and sing to your child. This will help him recognize your voice more quickly after birth.

7. Write a letter, song, poem for your child. Make something for her.

8. Help your wife get dressed and put on her shoes. She won't have to bend over anymore, and you'll have a chance to practice the skills you'll need soon.

9. Discuss whether you have joint birth(I unquestioningly recommend the answer like this) what will you do with them, or stay until the end. Pack your things for the hospital. It is you who will have to look for everything from them later.

10. Remind your wife daily that she remains attractive to you.

Don’t forget to NOT drink buttermilk coffee in the apartment and make sure that your wife doesn’t have cake and champagne waiting for her at home after the birth.


Good afternoon, dear moms and dads. Welcome to the site administration

Share your thoughts and feelings with each other!

One of the common misconceptions: loving person must understand without words what your loved one needs. Women who are convinced of this do not ask for support, but harbor resentment. However, even for loving husband the wife remains an unread book, a riddle. And that's good, otherwise he would lose interest in her.

Responsibility for the family forces a man to devote a lot of time to other concerns, primarily work, and it can be difficult for him to switch to the wave of her experiences without the help of a woman. A reasonable wife will address this: “Darling, you know, in my this moment I'm in such a mood that I want to cry. I think it will make me feel better if I cry on your shoulder and you pat my head. I really need your support now." And another time the woman experiences irritation, anger and excitement. And she again turns to her husband: “You know, at the moment I want to tear and throw. Would you mind if I beat you up a little? Maybe I'll feel better. My anger is not directed at you. I have no grudge against you. But I need to relieve my tension. Help me with this." The husband is unlikely to refuse such requests. And the woman will experience a feeling of gratitude to her understanding and patient husband. Are we less happy about the gift we asked for than the one we had no idea about? After all, it is more likely that the first one will satisfy our wish.

Do things that bring mutual pleasure

The future father's willingness to listen and meet his wife's wishes creates the most favorable atmosphere in the house. Spend time together doing activities that you both enjoy and part of the time doing things that are enjoyable or necessary. to the expectant mother: walks, listening to music (live or recorded), visiting exhibitions, reading books (fairy tales, for example), visiting good friends and so on. If a father's time is filled to capacity, he should still try to change his schedule so that he can relax together as often as possible. But! Dear mothers, for harmony in the house, make time for your husband for his favorite activities: football once a week or a couple of games of tennis.

Draw as much as possible more information from reliable sources

The unknown causes anxiety, doubt and fear. Please note that perspectives on raising infants breast-feeding, childbirth technologies are changing, and what seemed optimal in the time of your mothers may seem impractical and even harmful today. Try to get up-to-date information. Refer to special periodicals, books and videos for parents. However, there are timeless sources of information that fully or partially retain their value, such as books (for example, A. Eisenberg, H. E. Murkoff and S. E. Hathaway “Waiting for a Child: A Guide for Expectant Mothers and Fathers: Trans. from English - Mn.: BADPPR, 1994, where there are special pages dedicated to fathers; Andrey Maksimov. "Nursing father. A guide for crazy dads." - M.: Resurrection, 1993) No matter how many books you read, and even , if you already have experience in giving birth to a child, live communication with competent specialists and other couples expecting a child can be very useful for you. When going to courses for future parents, ask in detail about the qualifications of the staff, work experience, and the completeness of the information and services provided both before, during and after childbirth, about the possibility of participating in father’s classes, talk with the parents who completed the training before you. comparative analysis choose the courses that best meet your expectations. A healthy sense of humor is useful in the most serious circumstances. This dignity will serve you well during pregnancy, childbirth and after the birth of a child. After all, humor helps to maintain calm, rise above the situation, find the right solution, and gently resolve the conflict. If one of the spouses considers it necessary to make a remark to the other, in particular dictated by concerns about the health of the child, you should not do this publicly, indignantly and in a harsh manner. The psyche of both parents is vulnerable, and the consequences will be clearly negative. A remark made in a quiet voice, softened with humor and a feeling of love, may be more effective, and in any case, will not cause harm.

Be patient!

Please note that fourth month pregnancy, stabilization of hormone levels occurs, and as a result, mitigation of physical ailment and mental instability. Knowing that the fluctuations that occur in the first trimester can be explained and are temporary helps you to look at your own emotions from the outside. Coping with difficulties is not so difficult with mutual support.

Show interest in your wife's doctor visits

Share with your wife healthy image life

Fathers, like mothers, worry about the health of their unborn child. But the mother takes responsibility, but the father, as a rule, places it on his wife, demanding compliance with various restrictions, often excessive. However, studies have shown that the most effective help is the father who abstains himself, at least when he is next to his wife. If this seems like too much of a sacrifice to the father, then he should think about all the sacrifices she makes in order to give birth to their child. In addition, as you know, a healthy lifestyle is always beneficial to everyone. Perhaps, by initially showing concern for the health of his wife and child, the father will subsequently make his own choice in favor of healthy food, giving up smoking and other bad habits.

Mid-pregnancy is the most favorable time to pay attention to each other. When completing important tasks at work and at home on the eve of the birth of a child, you need to equally carefully plan the time and environment when you are alone. Don't get caught up in the hustle and bustle. Pregnancy is a fertile time for your communication. Both of you have already more or less adapted to new situation, looked at each other with new eyes, accepted the fact that now there are three of you. A man and a woman want to say a lot to each other. And not only in the language of words. They are drawn to getting closer to each other, but may be disturbed by the fear of harming the child or woman during sexual contact. Unless your gynecologist specifically warns you that there are good reasons to limit this aspect of your life, allow yourself to relax. Most experts agree that sex during healthy pregnancy does not pose any danger, but if mutually desired, it benefits all three. This is a rare time when you don't have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy. It is important for a woman to feel desired, which helps her establish her attractiveness in a new state. The feeling of bliss that covers both helps her and him maintain peace of mind, which will have a very positive effect on the child. Finally, during sexual intercourse, the organs involved in childbirth are prepared and trained.

Express admiration to your wife for her body

A loving man will always find an opportunity to express his admiration for his wife. Important has for a woman her husband’s attitude towards the changes occurring in her body. His positive assessment helps a woman accept herself in a new state and get rid of the fear of being clumsy and unwanted. I have heard from men expecting a child the most... nice words about his wife’s plump figure. One dad told his mom when she was 5 months pregnant: “Your belly has become more erotic.” During these months of pregnancy, most women feel well. Many people report a surge of energy. They become more productive at work. They accomplish more than always. It’s like they’re getting strength for two. In such a situation, many women feel burdened overprotectiveness from others, manifestation increased attention to the state of their health, they are annoyed with demands to limit and spare themselves. During this period, pregnant women are grateful to their husbands who trust their own assessment of their strengths and, providing assistance when required, for example, in moving and moving heavy objects, organize joint leisure time and protect them from conversations with intrusive interlocutors.

As your due date approaches, help your wife prepare everything you need to take with you maternity hospital . Don't lose your head when labor begins! Don’t be as helpless as the husband of one of our visitors: “When labor contractions began at night, my husband was fast asleep. For a long time I did not dare to wake him up. But when I felt that it was time to go to the maternity hospital, I finally decided. Husband became so excited that he began to have a terrible headache. I tried in vain to calm him down, gave him a headache pill, then a cold compress on his head. In the taxi that took us to the maternity hospital, I still had to console him and calm him down. The husband sat down in the waiting room and looked so bad that a passing midwife decided to call the doctor, thinking that he was seriously ill. The birth itself,” the woman said in conclusion, “compared to the worries about her husband’s condition was a completely insignificant episode.”

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Advice for a man who has just become a father or is about to become one, because it is this man who needs comprehensive information in order not to harm the child and to have at least a general idea of ​​what he should do with the child. The future father is an honorable and responsible position

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Why are we afraid of fatherhood?

Not all future fathers are afraid of being a dad, of course, but those who are are doing the right thing by looking for information on this matter and not ignoring their fears. Those men who have had conflicts with their fathers are the first to experience fear. Psychologist and Ph.D. Jerold Shapiro notes that many men who claim that they do not want to be like their fathers in raising children are actually repeating their actions towards their children, that is, the very thing that they wanted to avoid happens. Professor Shapiro offers ten aspects to test, which include, among other things, the history of the man's father, the future father's self-image and relationships with women, as well as his own feelings when remembering childhood. Ultimately, the goal of understanding and understanding the fears of fatherhood is to enable a man to behave differently as a father.

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