Strong fear of childbirth. How to deal with the fear of second birth? Consider joint birth

10.10.2019

Pregnancy is a wonderful time of waiting for a new stage, even an era in the life of a woman and her entire family. But before those 9 months turn into a baby's whole life, his mother will have to go through a short but memorable time of childbirth. And although this process is natural, conceived and verified by nature itself to the smallest detail, the possible pain and risk of complications make the vast majority of women afraid of childbirth. And the rest, most likely, simply do not admit that they are afraid or at least afraid to give birth.

There is nothing surprising in the fact that as the appointed date approaches, more and more thoughts of a pregnant woman will be devoted to how to overcome the fear of childbirth. The approach of childbirth frightens, alarms, spoils the mood and pleasure of waiting for the birth of a beloved baby. In order not to poison your existence and not be afraid of childbirth, you just need to overcome your fear of childbirth. And believe me, this is easier to do than it might seem at first glance.

I'm afraid to give birth, or where does the fear of childbirth come from
Let's start with the fact that the fear of childbirth is a phenomenon as natural as the birth itself. It is easy to understand what a woman is afraid of on the eve of the birth of her child. Especially if this is the firstborn and she knows about childbirth, their course and consequences only from books, media and stories of other women:

Uncertainty. The birth of the first child is an event that completely changes the way of life and can hardly be compared with anything. But sometimes it seems that it would be better if a pregnant woman did not know anything about the upcoming birth, than those rumors and "horror stories" that can be heard from neighbors in the ward in the maternity hospital, friends and other "well-wishers".
Pain. The expectation of painful sensations is not unreasonable, but greatly exaggerated. The strength of pain during childbirth depends on the size of the fetus, prenatal preparation of the woman, preparation, her pain threshold, physique and other physiological and psychological individual parameters. The fear of labor pain makes women look for methods of pain relief, including local and general anesthesia, various methods of childbirth, and so on.
Birth trauma. Medical statistics provide data on premature and problematic births, pathologies, cord entanglement and other troubles. Despite the rarity of such situations, every woman in labor in the depths of her soul fears that the risk will affect her.
Shape change. Everyone gains weight during pregnancy, some more, some less. But childbirth threatens with more problems than three to five extra pounds. If the child is large, then his head can tear the muscles of the perineum, and a caesarean section is generally an abdominal operation with all the ensuing consequences (sutures, postoperative recovery, scars, etc.).
postpartum depression. The excitement intensifies as the date of birth approaches, but after them the “pendulum” swings in the opposite direction and instead of relaxation, new worries come for yourself and the newborn baby. And fatigue accumulates, to which there is no end in sight. It seems to a pregnant woman that life will never be the same after childbirth, and this also causes fear of childbirth.

These are the most common fears before childbirth, which literally every expectant mother has to deal with. In addition to them, depending on suspiciousness and fantasy, every woman is afraid of childbirth for other reasons, sometimes completely unreasonable. And if you think that we have now vainly listed and aggravated them, then you are mistaken. Because the first step towards overcoming the fear of childbirth or any other fear is their knowledge and a sober assessment. Please note that after analyzing all the pros and cons, the threat no longer seems as ominous as it used to be. And this means that it will be much easier to overcome the fear of childbirth.

How to get rid of fear and not be afraid of childbirth
Women who give birth not for the first time admit that they have experienced and overcome the fear of childbirth in their own way. But summarizing their feedback, we can conclude that there is one general principle that helps to overcome the fear of childbirth - this is information. It's not true that you know less - you sleep better. In fact, the less you know, the more you think, including things that have little to do with reality. And if so, then we need not to be silent, but to share our fears and seek help from those who have more experience and are better aware of what awaits in the delivery room. We, for our part, suggest that you try these effective ways to overcome the fear of childbirth:

Modern medicine. Childbirth is a complex physiological process, that's for sure. But do not forget that in recent years, medical care has stepped far ahead of even recent times. Many potential problems are identified and solved even in the early stages of pregnancy, and for others there are modern perinatal centers where they can even take care of babies born at the 7th month of pregnancy and even earlier. And as for the rumors about the rudeness and indifference of doctors and nannies in maternity hospitals, with which women in labor so love to scare each other, then do not forget that perception largely depends on the person himself. And to be sure, choose a maternity hospital in advance and get to know its staff.
Conversation with mom. There is at least one woman in the world who survived childbirth and is ready to reassure you - this is your own mother. Imagine that at the time when you were born, she experienced the same fear of childbirth, but everything went so well that today you are already carrying a baby under your heart. But then medicine was simpler, and there was less information available. Share your fears with mom. So you voice them and for sure get good advice. True, it is possible that your mother is afraid for you no less than for yourself. But in this case, you will support each other.
Support of loved ones. Often, the fear of childbirth is aggravated by the anticipation of future problems. Young mothers are afraid that a newborn child will take all their time, they won’t be able to take care of themselves, their husband will cool off and other passions. To get rid of them, talk to those who appear in your fantasies. Let your husband surround you with care, and relatives and friends often amuse and inspire confidence in the future and that life will not change, and if it does, then only for the better. If you wish, you can ask your husband, best friend, or one of your parents to be present at the birth, if that makes you feel more comfortable. In general, do not keep your fear of childbirth in yourself.
Communication with pregnant women. Another way to get rid of the fear of childbirth is the realization of the fact that you are far from alone in your situation. Dozens and hundreds of women in your city right now are afraid of childbirth just as much, and maybe even more than you. Exchange of information, advice, just heart-to-heart conversations help women in labor cope with anxiety. You may also meet a woman who is so afraid of childbirth that her own fear will seem insignificant to you. In the role of a comforter, you will simply forget that you recently could not get rid of the fear of childbirth. You can find like-minded people on Internet forums, childbirth preparation courses, and even in the ward of the maternity hospital.
Courses for pregnant women. These are lectures and practical exercises designed specifically to help overcome the fear of childbirth. You can visit them alone or with your husband. You can not only listen to qualified specialists, but also feel free to ask them any questions that concern you. For example, you will learn in detail how and why your body is changing, and how well it is adapted to the appearance of a child. And also learn how to breathe correctly, do simple exercises and massage to facilitate childbirth.

According to young parents, communication with an unborn baby also helps to overcome the fear of childbirth. He has not yet been born, but he already hears you and feels your mood. And you can talk to him, choose or sew clothes and toys for him, listen to music and read books together, admire nature and works of art. Devote the remaining time of pregnancy to pleasant aesthetic experiences, then there will be neither time nor desire for anxiety.

As a last resort, if none of these tips help you overcome the fear of childbirth, you can visit a psychologist who specializes in such problems. A consultation with a specialist will certainly instill confidence in you and dispel the fear of childbirth, because you are far from the first and not the last woman experiencing these emotions. And for sure, soon you will not only get rid of fear, but you will also be able to help other young women who are afraid to give birth get rid of it. Because the appearance of a baby is the greatest happiness, and happiness should not scare, but please. Take care of yourself, your baby and be happy!

All pregnant women are tested before childbirth. For many, it appears only in the last days before the long-awaited event, but it happens that the fear of becoming pregnant manifests itself earlier or before the second birth. In the latter case, a woman should visit a psychologist, since the occurrence of various phobias indicates existing psychological problems.

Why is there fear of childbirth?

Like any fear of something unknown, the fears of pregnant women are quite natural. It's always scary to even think about something you're trying to do for the first time. In a pregnant woman, already in an unusual state, the nervous system is even more sensitive, and fears are experienced more vividly.

A special role in the formation of fears in pregnant women belongs to those who emotionally share their own experiences. Most often, these are friends who themselves have not yet managed to get pregnant, but have already learned all the information about medical errors, complications during childbirth, and the rudeness of the medical staff. The fact that childbirth is painful is known even to men.

In some cases, the fear of giving birth arises from the presence of a real example of a woman who has had a difficult birth. This may be a relative with whom the pregnant woman herself is familiar. With such contacts, a specific fear is formed: to give birth to a sick child or to suffer oneself.

The fear of a second birth, as a rule, appears in those who have had a hard time with the first personal experience. The second-born, who have successfully resolved from the burden earlier, usually relate to the next pregnancies without much fear. They know what contractions and attempts are, they are familiar with the commanding tone of midwives and the feelings of a woman who has already given birth. It is difficult to frighten them with irrational fictions or scary stories: people tend to believe that everything will be fine with them.

Phobic disorders can form as a neurosis from childhood, on the basis of experienced stresses. That is why the irrational fear of pregnancy or childbirth should give rise to a trip to a specialist. Sometimes the fear of giving birth in girls is provoked by their own mothers, telling the child about how hard it was for them. Driven by the desire to instill self-respect in the child, these mothers inadvertently create a subconscious phobia in their daughters, which is difficult to identify and even more difficult to overcome.

How to get rid of the fear of the first birth?

Fear of childbirth or pregnancy arises from insufficient awareness of the expectant mother. It's natural to worry about how things will turn out. For inexperienced women, many smart and useful books have been written about how the process of having a baby into the world proceeds, and how to cope with the fear of childbirth.

In order to mentally and physically prepare the expectant mother for the birth of a child, groups of a preparatory course for pregnant women are created at antenatal clinics. For those who are afraid of childbirth, they will be especially useful: women learn proper breathing in the classroom, do exercises that help stretch the ligaments of the pelvic region, and communicate with specialists.

Those who have fears during pregnancy related to changes in the figure after childbirth can be cited as an example of domestic and foreign athletes, actresses, ballerinas who already have children. These women look great even after going through several births. Their secret is not in the possession of huge funds for personal care, but in the amazing diligence with which they begin to take care of their figure almost immediately after being discharged from the hospital.

Despite the same problems that a young mother from a simple family has (baby care, sleepless nights, breastfeeding, etc.), famous beauties find time to work out in the gym and diet, tightening their muscles and not allowing themselves gain excess weight.

Briefly, the question of how to overcome the fear of pregnancy can be answered as follows:

provide yourself with truthful and useful information from competent sources (from special manuals and books, in courses, from a midwife);
pay attention to your physical condition before and after childbirth, visit a gynecologist and do special exercises for pregnant women;
try to avoid talking with friends about unsuccessful births, which were talked about on television in the next talk show;
even if you have already heard enough of various scary stories, listen to your body, the baby who will be born soon, because everything is going as it should.

There are several common myths about how a woman gives birth. It is they who most often form the fear of childbirth in a natural way and make some people wish for anesthesia and caesarean section, which doctors use only in the pathological condition of the pregnant woman. A healthy woman is quite able to give birth on her own, with the help of medical staff.

Pain during childbirth is not so strong

A common myth that causes fear of childbirth in those who are going to give birth for the first time is rumors of unbearable pain. Any woman who has given birth to a child herself knows that she is quite tolerable and not even particularly strong. Painful sensations occur during contractions before childbirth, when the muscles of the abdomen and pelvis begin to contract strongly, moving the child along the birth canal. To know how to deal with them, pregnant women are also recommended to attend courses: they are taught to breathe and relax properly to reduce discomfort.

During the birth of a baby, a woman is completely absorbed in this process. She either does not feel pain, or simply does not pay attention to it. Each of the women who was afraid of pain during childbirth emphasizes this: it only hurts during contractions, and then you only have to strain all your muscles strongly at the doctor’s command and have time to catch your breath before his next order. But the contractions last only a few hours, rolling first after 15 minutes for a few seconds, and before giving birth they are repeated a little more often.

Women during contractions are quite capable of standing on their feet, walking around the ward, communicating with each other. There are no hysterical screams in the prenatal room, as they are portrayed in films. If someone runs out of patience, it can result in a scream or a groan for those few seconds while the wave of contractions passes. But after all, we always overcome an attack of pain in this way, so the rest are not afraid of such emotional outbursts.

About the rudeness of the staff

This is often heard from those who are not going to the hospital on principle: having failed to overcome their fear of becoming pregnant or for some other reason. Those who have visited the maternity hospital more often remember a kind nanny who will give water to a tired child and help her move from a wheelchair to a bed, or a strict midwife with a commanding voice.

Medical staff before and during childbirth have to monitor the condition of the woman and perform the necessary manipulations. Sometimes a woman tired of contractions and attempts does not have time to respond to the midwife's command: push harder or relax. But the process itself depends on the timeliness of the execution of this command. In this case, the fear of childbirth or the fear of rudeness can play a negative role: the command is perceived as rudeness, and the reprimand of the midwife for not following the command as rudeness.

Only by coping with a phobia, a woman becomes able to correctly perceive what is happening: the doctor knows better what needs to be done at any given moment. Childbirth is a natural physiological process, which in the vast majority of cases occurs according to a certain scenario, and an experienced specialist simply directs a woman who encounters this phenomenon for the first time. If you are afraid that the doctors will be rude, try to trust them and do what they order, because sometimes the midwife does not have time to say the magic word “please”.

Other fears of pregnant women

Any fear during pregnancy arises from ignorance. Some are frightened by fantasies of a sick child they might have. Usually these are young girls who have been taught that if you get pregnant early, then it will not end well. In fact, a girl can give birth to a healthy baby even at 13-14 years old. Visiting a antenatal clinic, undergoing examinations and ultrasound, which show the true state of affairs, helps to dispel this fear. Doctors inform the patient about all anomalies, and if the midwife says that the fetus is developing correctly, then it is so.

The words about the umbilical cord entwining the neck sound very scary. Such fear during pregnancy makes a woman worry about the life of the child. But in reality, the umbilical cord cannot suffocate the baby: he begins to breathe only when he is born.

A common pregnancy phobia - "I'm afraid to embarrass myself" - is caused by the stories of acquaintances that involuntary defecation can occur during childbirth. But each woman in labor is given an enema upon admission, cleansing the intestines from feces. And even if by chance something like this happens, no one will point a finger at a woman. In the practice of midwives, everything happens.

Gynecologists around the world agree that phobias prevent a woman from relaxing during childbirth so that her muscles and ligaments can stretch and miss the baby. Therefore, you should try to forget all your fears for those few hours while childbirth occurs.

To timid: "I'm afraid!" Doctors usually answer a pregnant woman with a joke: “Not a single one has remained pregnant yet - everyone has given birth.” However, this does little to reassure the expectant mother. The fear of childbirth is irrational, sitting deep in the subconscious, has its roots in ancient times. You can and should get rid of it.

Once upon a time, when every second pregnant woman died from childbirth as a result of childbirth, childbirth was indeed a rather scary event. In our time, when the level of medicine is strikingly different from the medieval one, childbirth has ceased to be such a dangerous thing. Although the fact that the maternity hospital has ultra-modern devices and highly qualified doctors does not always reassure the expectant mother. How to get rid of this sticky and chilling fear of childbirth?

There are several tricks. Sometimes one is enough, and in especially difficult cases, you have to apply everything at once, so that it becomes at least a little easier for a woman to perceive her upcoming birth.

Gaining knowledge about pregnancy and childbirth

The unknown is always scary. A simple conclusion follows from this - that which scares must be made clear and simple. To help a pregnant woman, a variety of books, mother's magazines, online forums for pregnant women, videos and special courses at maternity hospitals. Find out as much as you can about what's ahead of you and what you can do to make the birth process easier. Be careful with Internet resources- there you can stumble upon a lot of horror stories about childbirth, maternity hospitals and pregnancy. You don't need it. Avoid negative information. Focus on finding out the physiological details of childbirth.

Learn to help yourself

It will be much easier for you if you are armed against the main enemy of a woman during childbirth - pain. Learn how to breathe properly during contractions, find out where pain points are located on the body. Learn to relax and meditate - during childbirth you will appreciate this skill.

Get support

Husband, girlfriend, mother ... Now it is allowed to give birth with someone who is especially close to you. Most often, the presence of relatives is allowed during paid births, but there are maternity hospitals where it is easy to arrange this without money. If it will be easier and calmer for you next to someone close to you, take care of this in advance. Often, only a statement from the husband (mother, girlfriend) that he asks to be allowed to be present at the birth is enough.

Girlfriend support

If you have friends who have already successfully passed (the key word is successful) childbirth, then it will not be superfluous to talk with them about how it was and what helped them cope with fear. Friends can reassure and show by example that everything will be fine, and soon you will return home with a new family member. There is one “but” here - choose cheerful and optimistic girlfriends. Stories about how dirty the maternity hospital was and what a bitch the midwife was will not help you at all, especially since, as a rule, this is a subjective view of things that has a very distant relation to reality.

Conversation with a psychologist

If your fear really poisons your life and causes panic not only for you, but for the whole family, it makes sense to turn to a psychologist. Working with a psychologist will help overcome the fear of childbirth and look at the situation from a positive side. A psychologist differs from her friends not only in financial costs, but also in high qualifications and almost guaranteed results.

And remember that fear in any business only gets in the way. Be calm and confident in yourself and those around you, then everything will be absolutely fine with you!

Every pregnant woman experiences anxiety at the thought of the upcoming birth. This process is frightening not only with the pain that a woman in labor experiences during childbirth, but also with the possibility of complications or birth injuries of the child. Childbirth without fear is quite real, if properly prepared for them.

Tokophobia - fear of childbirth

The support of the father of the child or close people can calm the woman to some extent, but there are cases when work with a psychologist was urgently required to prevent unreasonable excitement and emotional exhaustion against its background.

What is tocophobia

Among the huge list of irrational fears, tokophobia occupies a special place. This is a pathological fear of childbirth. Women in position are afraid of the upcoming birth. They are afraid of the unknown, pain or death. Tokophobia is usually accompanied by several accompanying phobias: algophobia - fear of pain, iatrophobia - fear of doctors and medical procedures, and xenophobia - horror of the new and unknown.

Tokophobia can be experienced not only by pregnant women, but also by those who are just planning to become pregnant. Because of this fear, some women refuse to become mothers at all. A huge percentage (about 38%) of women suffering from tocophobia are afraid that at the end of their pregnancy they will have a caesarean section due to the inability to give birth on their own.

Causes of Fear

Tokophobia is inherent not only in giving birth for the first time, but also in women who already have children. Experiences can be of a different nature. More often, the fear of childbirth manifests itself in the form of periodically arising gloomy thoughts. Sometimes, tokophobia makes the life of a pregnant woman simply unbearable. She cannot eat or sleep because she is in a state of constant nervous excitement. This affects not only the health of the expectant mother, but also her child.

There are many reasons for fear of childbirth. Most often found:

own negative experience. Women who have given birth suffer. The cause of fear may be the presence of gaps, injury or death of the child last time. The body of each woman is individual, and the process of childbirth is unique, it does not repeat. Some signs of childbirth are noticeable in primiparas, and in the second and third births, completely different signs are observed.
Negative stories of other women in labor. Many women are exposed. Most often, they only talk about the negative aspects of labor activity. These facts are better remembered and more readily retold to others. In society, it is customary to treat childbirth as something that is necessarily accompanied by excruciating pain. This manifestation is associated with algophobia.
Fear of death. It is possible if the woman in labor suffers from one of the forms of thanatophobia or is in a depressed state. A woman is afraid to die during childbirth from blood loss, pain shock or something else.
Lack of support from relatives. Often experienced by expectant mothers at the age of 16-20 years. They are more frightened not by the process of childbirth, but by the reaction of others to her child. In this case, fear acts as a defensive reaction. This reason is possible at other ages.

Expectant mothers may experience intense fear at the thought that they will miss the moment of the onset of labor or will be away from the hospital at this time. Others are afraid to break their newborn baby's bones during attempts, which is an unreasonable fear, because the bones are strong and elastic.

No matter what caused the fear, it must be dealt with. Successful treatment will help return the life of a pregnant woman to normal and reduce emotional stress.

Symptoms

Like any fear, tokophobia provokes specific and non-specific reactions in the body. Thinking about the upcoming birth and worrying about this, a woman is in constant nervous tension.

Nonspecific manifestations of a phobia are:

increased blood pressure and heart rate;
dizziness and darkening of the eyes, as well as loss of consciousness;
nausea, vomiting and indigestion, heartburn and stomach cramps may also occur;
increased sweating.

Among the specific symptoms, insomnia or attacks of unreasonable aggression can be noted, but the same symptoms can be observed with hormonal changes in the body. Some women experience a depressed emotional state, loss of strength and even depression.

Insomnia may be due to a phobia

How to deal with tokophobia

Childbirth without pain and fear is possible if the woman in labor is mentally and physically ready for them. In this case, a psychologist, psychotherapist, instructor of courses for expectant mothers, etc. will help. You need to take care of this in advance, not before going to the hospital, but from the first trimester of pregnancy.

How to get rid of the fear of childbirth, each woman in labor chooses for herself. It is also necessary to take into account the physical condition of the woman and how the pregnancy proceeds. It is possible that fears have a good reason.

Psychotherapy

If fear binds the expectant mother and does not allow her to live a normal life, then it would be wise to seek help from a specialist. A psychotherapist will help you understand the nature of fear itself and prescribe a course of treatment. Most often, 5-7 sessions are enough to obtain a lasting result, but in especially difficult cases, more than 10 meetings with a doctor may be needed.

Psychotherapists offer several ways to overcome the fear of childbirth:

Changing a woman's attitude to the very meaning of childbirth in her life. Most often, the birth of a child is associated with pain, therefore, using special techniques, the specialist shows the expectant mother that childbirth is a kind of work or test. Like any job, but with a certain specificity, it requires that it be completed. In this case, the woman is working on self-control, because the excitement and even more panic are immediately transmitted to the child. The test assumes that a person will not only receive some kind of prize for him (in this case, a child), but also become a part of something bigger.
The realization that panic fear and a strong emotional outburst is worth it to survive labor will help a woman overcome fear. To do this, women are offered to spend time with babies, as well as listen to motivating lectures.
Collective classes with other women in position. Sometimes they go along with their husbands or other relatives. This approach helps to overcome fear. Sharing knowledge with other mothers-to-be is also effective. When a woman sees that fear is not only a problem for her, then it is easier for her to deal with it.

Specialists in the field of psychology can significantly improve the emotional state of the patient, but in addition to the classes themselves, a lot of effort will be required from the woman. First of all, she will have to avoid all negative emotions, as well as talking about childbirth with incompetent people. Relatives will be able to help her with this, protecting her from unnecessary worries.

Phytotherapy

During pregnancy, the option of treating tocophobia with herbal preparations is not excluded. You need to take them under the supervision of a doctor and do not self-medicate. Not all herbs that have a sedative effect can be used by women during pregnancy. It is not recommended to take alcohol-based drugs, because ethanol has a destructive effect on the central nervous system of the child.

Tea from chamomile, mint and lemon balm calms well and relieves irritability, provided that the patient does not have an individual intolerance to the components. You can also add lime blossom and valerian to this decoction.

Taking antidepressants, tranquilizers and nootropics is strictly prohibited, because they have a destructive effect on the baby's nervous system in the womb.

Herbal tea helps to calm down

Self-treatment

If it is not possible to contact a psychotherapist, there is another option for coping with the fear of childbirth. Gynecologists recommend that pregnant women spend more time outdoors and take short walks. This trains the pelvic muscles and helps prevent ruptures in the first minutes of pushing. For the same purposes, special creams and gels are used that increase the elasticity of the pelvic muscles.

A woman can do her favorite hobby, if the position allows, and also devote time to herself - relax, visit a beauty salon, etc. This will slightly distract her from gloomy, depressing thoughts.

If the expectant mother is worried about the pain of the process, and therefore she torments herself with fears, then it is necessary to provide her with as much information as possible about childbirth, but strictly in a positive way. Before overcoming the fear of childbirth, it is important to find out at one of the scheduled consultations with a gynecologist how the childbirth proceeds, what are the potential dangers in a particular case, what to expect, and how to alleviate your condition. A qualified specialist knows exactly all the secrets of painless labor activity, moreover, he will gladly give some practical advice.

Light sports, especially on a fitball, stimulate the blood circulation of the organs and muscles of the pelvis. This helps to remove most of the reasons for fear. Good blood circulation in the pelvic organs has a general strengthening effect on the immune system.

There are many ways to overcome the fear of childbirth, but everyone chooses the one that suits him. An important element in the self-treatment of tokophobia is the help and support of loved ones.

The impact of phobia on the child's condition

The main reason why tokophobia needs to be treated is the condition of the baby in the womb. When a woman cannot cope with her anxiety or panic, the mother's emotional state is completely transmitted to the child.

Newborns after the stress experienced by the mother are characterized by the following reactions: involuntary shaking of the head, restless sleep and an acute reaction to external stimuli. And also at an older age, they can be prone to neurosis and anxiety-phobic disorders.

Conclusion

It is not enough just to defeat a phobia, it is necessary to consolidate the result and do everything so that its symptoms do not recur after a while. Advice given to a future mother by her more experienced acquaintances often plays a dangerous role, making her fear childbirth and everything connected with it.

Terrifying stories about childbirth are only part of the truth. The process of giving birth to a child depends entirely on the physiology of a woman. During childbirth, a huge dose of oxytocin and serotonin, the hormone of happiness, is released into the blood of a woman in labor. It is thanks to him that only fuzzy memories of the process always remain in the memory after childbirth. These hormones are also natural pain relievers.

Many mothers are very worried about how the birth will go. You know that this is a complex and lengthy process, and after listening to other mothers, it becomes completely scary. What to do? How to overcome the fear of childbirth?

Natalya Music

Head of the Baby Boom Family Center, perinatal psychologist, art therapist, breastfeeding consultant, mother of two princesses.

So, being afraid to give birth is absolutely normal! Every woman experiences natural excitement before childbirth. It doesn't matter if it's your first or fifth pregnancy.

I would really like for pregnant women who read this article to completely get rid of fears of childbirth, or at least look at them from the other side.

What are the most common fears of pregnant women?

"It's very painful to give birth." To begin with, the pain of childbirth, by its nature and purpose, is completely different from any other pain that a woman experiences in her life. Ordinary pain is a distress signal. Pain during contractions is the opposite, a sign that everything is going well. Childbirth is a natural process for a woman and pain during childbirth is simply necessary for a woman to give birth to a child. In other words, a woman's childbirth is the more prosperous, the sooner her intellect is turned off. Strong contractions during childbirth, which come and go at their own pace, the intensity of which cannot be influenced in any way, sooner or later “force” a woman to stop thinking and go to “another planet”. Thus, pain stimulates the most ancient parts of the brain responsible for the successful course of childbirth.

I can say with confidence - when a woman understands why it hurts? She understands and realizes what a titanic, incredibly complex work the uterus does to help the child be born as soon as possible, while the mother thinks during childbirth not about herself, but about the baby, childbirth will be much more pleasant and easier!

Yes! And remember that childbirth will not last forever, and all discomfort will be forgotten as soon as you see and hug your long-awaited baby.

Another common fear of expectant mothers is "uncertainty or complications in childbirth." No one is immune from problems and difficulties, but they may not arise at all! Therefore, there is no point in being nervous, overthinking or worrying in advance. Currently, maternity hospitals are equipped with everything necessary in emergency cases, the condition of the child and mother is closely monitored by doctors, so the likelihood of an unsuccessful outcome in childbirth is extremely low. You just need to trust your doctor, it’s not for nothing that you chose a maternity hospital for so long, collected information about doctors and looked for the best of them. For your comfort, you can discuss with him all possible situations and a plan of action in them.

There are mothers who are afraid "premature birth". A baby born between 22 and 37 weeks is premature but viable. Such a newborn is given special medical care, and special monitoring is established for his condition. If the maternity hospital is equipped with special equipment for nursing very premature babies, then even a baby born weighing 500 g has every chance of survival.

If the deadline is already close, then the pregnant woman may be afraid that “You can give birth anywhere and quite unexpectedly”. Similar situations can be observed in the movies: a pregnant woman's water broke, contractions began, she barely manages to get to the hospital, or even gives birth in the car. In fact, from the onset of contractions to the birth itself, an average of 8-12 hours pass (sometimes more). During this time, you will definitely have time to reach your destination. Rapid labor certainly does occur, but it happens with a 1 in 200 chance and lasts 2-4 hours. And most often this time will be enough to get to the hospital. Yes, and remember that starting from the 36th week, always carry an exchange card with you (even if you go for bread).

“Before childbirth, it is better not to eat so that involuntary defecation does not occur during attempts.” First, you must eat if you want. If you give birth on an empty stomach, you will get tired very quickly. Secondly, many women undergo a natural bowel cleansing before giving birth. Thirdly, it’s just a “feeling” since the child presses his head on the rectum (because we don’t give birth every day, nature didn’t take care of another signal before the attempts) and this feeling indicates that the woman has had a full disclosure and final very soon. Well, if it is so important for you, you can ask the maternity hospital to give you a cleansing enema (today, in maternity hospitals, a cleansing enema is done only at the request of a woman in labor, as this is considered an intervention in the birth process). And don't worry if a "little nuisance" does happen. Doctors have seen everything in their lifetime, so such a fear of childbirth is not worth attention.

"An umbilical cord wrapped around a child's neck can kill him." Until the child is born, he does not breathe with his lungs. Moving through the birth canal, the baby continues to receive oxygen through the umbilical cord, even wrapped around the neck. As soon as the baby is born, he will be released immediately, and he will take his first full breath.

“During childbirth, the perineum will tear or it will definitely be cut.” A similar fear of childbirth is experienced mainly by primiparas. It all depends on the characteristics of the body of the woman in labor and the size of the fetus. If a woman has elastic perineal muscles, then the risk of rupture is minimal. Having taken a vertical position on attempts (sitting on a special chair, standing, on all fours or half-sitting), then most often nothing like this happens, since this is a natural position for the birth of a child (yes, yes, that’s right, and not on the back like we accustomed to count) and in the same position the midwife is physically unable to perform an episiotomy. Even if a rupture or lateral incision of the perineum has occurred, then after childbirth you will be stitched under local anesthesia and in a couple of weeks everything will heal and be forgotten.

"Cesarean is better." As experienced midwives say: “After a natural birth, a woman can get up and go, and after a cesarean, resuscitation, a dropper, a duck, and so on ...”, so draw your own conclusion. Caesarean section is used only in extreme cases, when it is vital for the mother and child. In addition, this is no longer childbirth, but an abdominal operation, after which the risk of complications increases significantly.

"Doctors in the maternity hospital are boorish." This attitude towards women in childbirth really took place in Soviet times. Now everything has changed for the better. If acquaintances continue to slander the local maternity hospital in which you will be, then this is not a reason to be upset, and even more so to experience fear of childbirth. It is better to go "for a new life" only with a good mood. A smiling woman is unlikely to want to be rude. And if suddenly there are those who want to offend you, then you can always complain about them. Although this is unlikely to happen, because there will be a partner nearby, whose presence disciplines honey very much. staff and makes it automatically more polite and smiling.

"Fear of falling into the hands of an incompetent doctor." It is also a common fear of many pregnant mothers. In this case, the “ambulance delivery” option does not suit you, most likely it will be much easier for you to choose a doctor in advance, get to know him personally and discuss all your questions and wishes in advance. You seem to be "imbued" with trust in the doctor, the maternity hospital and, accordingly, you feel "more protected". And it is also very important to choose the right specialist based on your wishes or indications for childbirth. For example, if you are aiming for the natural process, then look for a doctor who is famous for his patience, belief that a woman can give birth herself and non-interference in the birth process (or minimal). If you know in advance that a planned caesarean is waiting for you, then look for a specialist who knows how to make a “beautiful seam”.

“I will leave the hospital with a red face and eyes.” There is a capillary network in the eyes and under the skin, and in the process of illiterate attempts, it can burst, coloring the face, eyes and chest of a woman in red. To prevent this from happening, it is important to remember and, most importantly, to strain those muscles of the body that are responsible for the birth of a child (stomach and perineum), and the face has nothing to do with it. And it is also important not to hold your breath for the whole attempt, but to exhale after a few seconds from its beginning. But even if such a nuisance happens, do not worry, the redness will disappear in 3-5 days on its own.

There are several more ways to maintain your state of mind when childbirth is just around the corner:

If you have free time, then visit the courses for expectant mothers. On them you will learn how to overcome the fear of childbirth, get practical skills that will be useful to you in the future. Qualified specialists will tell you everything in detail about childbirth, anesthesia, proper breathing. In addition, you can ask questions that concern you.
Enlist the support of loved ones. It is important that they are morally stable and effective in stressful situations. If the spouse is too solidary with you in experiences, you can involve a girlfriend or parents.
Avoid communicating with people who like to tell horror stories, "savoring" all the details.
Write down an action plan and a list of necessary purchases by day until the birth. Firstly: it will remove the feelings that you will not have time for something. Secondly: the existing fear will develop into action. And you will not have time for bad thoughts. And in general, the acquisition of beautiful cute little things calms and cheers up.
Distract from unpleasant thoughts, pay attention to your favorite hobby, diversify your leisure time: visit classical music concerts, go to the pool, do embroidery, knitting, cooking;
Be sure to exercise during pregnancy. Thanks to them, you will not only prevent the accumulation of body fat in the body, but also prepare your body for childbirth. In addition, during physical exertion in a person, endorphins, called hormones of happiness, are released in the body.
Read books that inspire you, like Michel Auden's Reborn Birth or Grantley Dick-Read's Birth Without Fear.
Make an association for yourself. For example, you can compare childbirth with going to the dentist - unpleasant, painful, but temporary, and after all the "experienced" relief comes .. Such a kind of psychological attitude helps and calms a lot of people.