Quarrels with mom: causes and solutions. Parental quarrel: how to behave

What to do if parents quarrel in front of their children? Advice for a child and his parents in this article.

If parents constantly quarrel in front of their children, you don’t need to think that everything is completely bad in your family. Of course, everyone suffers, but conflicts are essentially impossible to avoid. That's how it works family life. In most cases, all quarrels come down to three reasons.

Misunderstanding

It can occur at any time. This is not permanent and will likely pass. There are simply moments in life that are called “critical”.

The thing is that parents are already very for a long time live with each other. And now they just became a little uninterested in spending time together.

At the same time, conflicts often arise over trifles. Such quarrels can even happen every day. During this period, it is worth supporting parents more and offering to diversify their time together (start going to the park, fitness, playgrounds, etc.).

Fatigue

Dad or mom works too much, so they get tired. Therefore, one of the parents becomes irritable and loses interest in what is happening.

This condition will soon pass. And you can sometimes help with this: take on some of the household responsibilities, help with a younger brother or sister (for example, take them to kindergarten or pick them up from there), etc.

Jealousy

This means that one of the parents does not want to share their significant other with someone. It's more of a character thing. Jealousy can arise even without reason. There is nothing particularly terrible in such quarrels. Parents are unlikely to divorce over this.

But if you witness a conflict due to betrayal, then you just need to wait for events to develop: some people are able to forgive her, others are not. If your parents decide to stay together, then again support them more.

What to do if parents quarrel

Accept your feelings

As we already understood, quarrels between parents are quite normal phenomenon. Conflicts arise for everyone throughout life, even with your friends. That is why I would like to wish you not to isolate yourself, but to accept your feelings.

Whether you are afraid, or unpleasant, or ashamed, or simply uncomfortable - all this can happen. And there's nothing wrong with that. Once you accept yourself, you will begin to pay less attention to it and will not withdraw into yourself.

And remember: this is their relationship - now they are fighting, and in the evening they will laugh, so you should not take every quarrel to heart.

Know your innocence firmly

Do not under any circumstances think that you are the cause of their quarrels. Even when they fight over who will watch you on the weekend, it's not your fault. In this case, they simply cannot plan their time correctly. It's not your fault.

Don't interfere

There is no need to interfere in the conflict between parents, much less say who is right and who is wrong. Indeed, in this case, you can not only be rejected (they will tell you: “Don’t go where you’re not asked!”), but also hear unpleasant things addressed to you, which will be thrown rashly, without thinking it through.

Get busy

When parents quarrel, the child is superfluous. To avoid witnessing conflicts, you need to distract yourself.

The ideal option is to go for a walk or visit, so as not to be present at all during the quarrel and not to know unnecessary details of the parents’ relationship. BUT! To do this, you should ask permission, otherwise the “uncooled” father or mother may later take it out on you.

You can also go to your room and do things: play something, surf the Internet, draw, etc. To avoid hearing their conversation, you can listen to music through headphones.

Let your parents cool down

After a quarrel between parents, you should not approach your dad or mom with advice, requests, expressing your opinion, etc. Now this person is not emotionally restrained, so he can take it out on you.

It’s better to wait until passions subside and each family member analyzes the situation that happened, draws their own conclusions and calms down.

Don't take sides

In order not to further sow a negative atmosphere in your family, you should not take sides. Remember: in any quarrel, both are to blame. Moreover, you do not fully know all the secrets of their relationships, their reasoning, agreements, etc.

Let them figure it out themselves, and you stay loving child, who respects both mom and dad equally.

Tell me about your feelings

Sometimes this greatly affects the frequency of quarrels later. So, your parents may feel embarrassed if they find out how you feel.

However, you need to be very careful when saying anything here! No need to rush in loud words that they ruin your life, that you hate them and that you regret that you were born to them. It’s not their fault, it’s the essence of man to provide for himself better conditions. This is why quarrels occur over money, lack of attention, jealousy, etc.

Remember: In every family, parents quarrel. Perhaps even worse than yours.

So, in order to tell your parents about your feelings, you first need to bring them together:

1. This can happen while having dinner or watching TV. Parents should be reassured at this time (that is, through sufficient quantity time after the conflict occurred).
2. Next, in a calm manner, tell your mom and dad that it’s hard for you to see them fighting, you wouldn’t want this to happen in your family, etc.

Surely they will not only feel guilty, but will also see notes of an adult in you, which deserves special respect.

Provide support

In some cases, nothing brings parents together more than supporting a child. To do this, you need to tell every family member that you are no longer little and already understand a lot.

Tell him cheerfully that there is no need to spoil your nerves if everything can be resolved peacefully. Share how glad you are that you have such a family, that everyone is alive and well - and this is the most important thing! Such words may give rise to the development of a new relationship between dad and mom, because they will understand that you are, in principle, right.

Ask for help

In severely advanced cases, quarrels become unbearable: parents argue every day, do not talk to each other, or even fight or drink. All this is very difficult for a child to observe, so you need to turn to another adult for help.

It could be a grandmother, an aunt, or even a teacher. Why do you need to tell an adult? Because he can understand you and begin to take some specific measures in favor of you and your family.

Even if on throughout of all past stages of growing up, there were no significant conflicts or relationship problems between the child and the parent; they are almost guaranteed to appear in high school. Nature itself puts parent and child in conflict, and this, as always, is not meaningless. Parents stand for the entrant young man the first rivals whose power they have to fight, proving their independence and independence. Through this rebellion, a young man and a girl become an adult man and woman.

However, the fact that this process cannot be avoided does not mean that it should be as painful as possible. After all constant quarrels and conflicts lead to considerable damage to the nerves, to tears and hysterics, complete emotional exhaustion. This can be completely avoided if you do not go with the flow (in our case, with emotions), but follow cold reason and adhere to a certain strategy of behavior in relations with parents.

Usually, main opponent In this struggle, the mother becomes the teenager. Fathers let their children off a short leash more easily, and even rejoice in their growing up. For them, this stage has a certain symbolic image of the completion of many years of work in raising a child, and now he is already an adult, independent, no longer a child at all. But the mother has an internal conflict, and understanding its essence is very important for successfully overcoming a difficult period.

Why does mom become an enemy?

Mother she’s used to being a mentor, she’s used to being a person whom the child obeys, even if not always unquestioningly, but in the end she always achieves what she wants, if necessary, then by force. And now she sees how power is slipping from her hands, the child is leaving from under her wing, and this inevitable separation hurts her. Without fully realizing her own internal problems, she begins to put pressure on her with authority more and more, which leads to heightened passions.

Mom's Parental Blackmail Policy

In this case, as a rule, mother doomed to defeat in this battle. After all, although parents are indeed our first opponents in life’s struggle for freedom and independence, they are the weakest “enemies” that we will meet in life, because they really cannot do anything to their children, because they love them. Every teenager should remember this, especially in moments when they want to “bite” more painfully. own mother, which treated us so unfairly, was so merciless to us and so cruel. But in such cases, you must always remember that this is a fight against an unarmed person.

Having lost the battle for authority, Mother turns to blackmail tactics. She begins to cry and get sick. After another quarrel, when you both lash out at each other, she will lie down on the sofa, cover herself with a blanket and stare blankly at one point. This is what you brought (brought) your mother to! A couple more scandals like this due to lack of obedience, and you will completely drive your beloved parent to the grave!

All this may sound enough funny, but real life can significantly spoil the blood of the whole family. And the only way to avoid this for a teenager is to take a position of rational dialogue, and not give in to emotions.

Calm, only calm when communicating with mom!

Advice from the Wise Carlson, living on the roof, fits perfectly with this life situation. At the level of emotions, it is simply impossible to resolve the conflict; at this level, you can only throw out what has accumulated in yourself. But in in this case, as a rule, nothing comes of this everyday exorcism, and instead of the expected catharsis, the problems only grow, since the main conflict - the struggle for power/independence - remains unresolved.

Real winner It will be the one who first takes the position of calm dialogue. “I want to talk calmly. I don’t want to scream again, I’m tired of this. Let’s talk like adults” - such a proposal is difficult to reject when you are an adult, and it is voiced by the one when you refuse maturity. It makes you think, and sometimes even ashamed. A teenager should set himself the goal of first pulling every conflict out of the meaningless pit of emotional cries and mutual insults; this is the only way a meaningful dialogue is possible.

“We’ll talk about this later” - an argument in a conversation with mom

Not always will succeed talk calmly if the mother is already at the limit and is ready to break into. The best option in this case, ask for a delay. “There’s no point in arguing now, we’ll just quarrel. Let’s decide everything in the evening, I promise, we’ll talk.” There is a high probability that by the evening the quarrel will be completely forgotten if it broke out over some trifle. However, if this “trifle” is repeated over and over again regularly, you need to find the strength to go through an unpleasant conversation and resolve the situation.

Sometimes you can notice that quarrels occur at the same time every day. For example, at breakfast, or when the mother returns from work. Just as a chain breaks at its weakest link, so conflicts occur at moments of emotional stress. In this case, you can agree not to quarrel precisely during these periods, and on the basis of the agreement reached, refuse to enter into a discussion and demand that the dispute be postponed to another time.

The main thing is the desire to stop quarreling with your mother!

Majority teenagers, like parents, do not analyze such situations seriously, do not ask questions about how to avoid these conflicts in the future, how to stop constant quarrels. It seems to both parents and children that this nightmare that has taken over their family is exclusively their problem, purely individual and unique. They do not suspect that if they just want to put an end to the constant string of quarrels and insults, and put some effort into this, all this can be stopped.

AND last thing: Do not forget that all these conflicts and quarrels are temporary. Several years will pass, and you will remember this completely calmly. Remind yourself of this every time you find yourself involved in an argument. This will help you calm down and in the right way influence the parent.

The issue of fathers and sons has always been, is and will be. Moreover, there will always be reasons for quarrels and each time different.
Most often, quarrels occur in families in which children are between five and fifteen years old.

• The most common reason quarrels are related to problems at school. Not all children are excellent students and are eager to do their homework. Likewise, not everyone can be praised for exemplary behavior.
• Conflicts over order, or rather the lack thereof, can be considered no less common. Here age no longer matters - in younger age He doesn’t put his toys in their place, and when he’s older, he scatters things everywhere.
• Sooner or later, children begin to resort to lies. It is clear that parents eventually find out the truth and remain extremely dissatisfied.
• Characteristic feature children is the noise they make. And if you have several of them, then this is absolutely hell. Some people turned up the music at full volume, while others played games on the computer.

• Well, kids don’t like to clean the house. And if they do clean up, they will certainly leave behind several layers of dust.
• Some grow up to be extremely greyhounds and show disrespect to everyone. In particular, to people older than themselves. He is rude and behaves defiantly. That's what they get from their parents for.
• Next on the list of causes of quarrels were disputes regarding children's gifts. They constantly need new toys, the latest phone model, a gaming laptop. Not every parent can afford everything at once.

Fathers and mothers do not always approve of their child’s social circle. Their son's or daughter's friends always seem to them like drug addicts, thieves, and generally indecent people who will set your child on the wrong path.

• Second to last place is occupied by conflicts due to unkempt appearance and careless attitude towards things. Which, by the way, are bought by parents with their hard earned money.
• Well, the rating of parental dissatisfaction ends with pets. Mom and dad are not always eager to give their children a pet, which they will have to look after.

In principle, all conflicts can be avoided. As a last resort, resolve it peacefully. There must be mutual understanding between parents and children. Only you can influence this. You need to act from the very birth of your baby. Don't miss the moment so you don't regret it later.

Quarrel with parents - who hasn't experienced this? The conflict between “fathers and children” can be found in almost every family. Your parents lived in a different time with their own rules, morals and foundations. It is sometimes difficult for them to understand that progress does not stand still. Every day something new is invented. Parents physically do not have time to follow all the innovations.

This article will be interesting not only for young readers, but also for their parents. I'll tell you how to support warm relations in the family and how to avoid quarrels.

Comply with their requirements

I'm sure you live with your parents. Keep their demands and your promises. If you promised to be home at ten, come at ten, because even if you are five to ten minutes late, a scandal may await you at home. You promised to walk the dog because your younger brother The person who does this is sick - take a walk. It all starts with small requests, promises and responsibilities. But it is precisely because of their violation that conflicts most often arise.

If you think that ten o'clock is too early to return from a walk, then understand one truth - your parents care about you. Indeed, it can be dangerous outside.

No hysterics!

Yes, in childhood, tears could work wonders - they bought you new toy or were allowed to enjoy a second helping of ice cream. Childhood has passed, as has the effectiveness of the methods you used at age five. It’s not for nothing that it says folk wisdom- tears of sorrow will not help. You have matured. Try not to scream, cry or throw tantrums when talking with your parents. This is a childish behavior pattern. Show your maturity and maturity: give arguments, theses, talk about the reasons.

Demonstrative silence

Sit in the corner of the room, take a sullen pose and a hostile expression on your face, and with your eyes send offended glances at your parents... Also not the best best tactic in a quarrel. Yes, this “war” can go on forever - a day or two, and then you yourself won’t like it, because in this way you won’t achieve what you want, but will only worsen the situation in the family.

The worst thing is that other family members may suffer - brothers, sisters, grandparents and even pets - cats, dogs, rabbits... Often, two sides try to find allies in these people. Imagine this situation: you quarreled with your mother and told her about it. younger sister, who shared the news with her grandfather, who did not share your opinion. And poor Tuzik becomes the last one - the favorite of the family, because both you, grandfather, and mother want to take a walk with him, but because of your conflicts, no one can decide who will do this task. Who benefits from this?

Watch your speech!

Very often, in a fit of anger, a person says something that he will regret in the future. They are driven by negative emotions, and reason takes a back seat. Yes, in such a situation it is difficult to follow what you say. You can say something very offensive, apologize, but the offense will be remembered for a long time.

Joint leisure

One of the main reasons for conflicts of interest is that parents do not know their children. The best decision- this is to come up with a joint activity-ritual. For example, drinking tea in the evening and discussing the books you’ve read, playing the piano on Mondays, or going to the theater every Wednesday of the third week of the month.

How to behave in a quarrel?

If a quarrel occurs, then try to bring as many positive arguments as possible to your idea. This optimal model behavior.

Hello. I want to tell you my story...
When I was about 12 years old, everything was so serene; I was playing in the yard, and I wasn’t given much help. I have a sister, she is 4 years older than me, and they actually asked her. But when my sister began to show her dark side, did not come home, argued with her parents, drank, smoked, all the responsibilities fell on me. I want to say only one thing.

I'M VERY TIRED....
I'm a theater major in college and I play volleyball. These are my two favorite activities. But the point is different.

My father is a disabled person of the second group, he has cerebral palsy, and he has problems with his legs and has a limp.
My mother is a group 1 disabled person; she is blind; not so long ago she was diagnosed with a tumor in her head, a pituitary adenoma. You know, in this house everything depends on me. I wake up, prepare food, clean, dress my father, dress my mother. I clean up after they eat, go to the store, throw out the trash, tidy up, the whole apartment alone...
It’s very difficult for me, you don’t know how. I am very upset, but my parents say that I do nothing, I train all day long (although my training takes a couple of hours)
Studying is already an exception.
So many problems, but they don’t care, only care about me, that’s their motto.
And when they start yelling at me, I really want to leave the house and see what they can do without me? What?
They can't even turn on the TV without my help. I’m so tired, and my father also says you’ll be with us, and I hope that you won’t send us to a nursing home. I want to cry because of this, I hate myself so much, I don’t know what to do, I won’t be able to leave them, my conscience will torment me. But I also want to live, I want to leave, to enroll, but they say the same thing. You won't be able to mash...
WHY AM I EXPERIENCED ALL OF THIS AT 16 YEARS OLD?

On this moment we have to go to the Burdenko hospital in Moscow, they said, well, I’m not needed there, and I said I have a state speech, I’m the presenter, I can’t help but speak. They tell us we don't care, you're coming with us.
They say that I don't care about them, that I don't
I see that simply training is dearer to me than my parents.
I don’t want to come home after training and college, they are so surprised by this, my character is so strong, I motivate myself, but my parents suppress me, they say you can’t, you will never have best friends, you don’t know how to do this, but you can’t
Learn from you.
It's upsetting to me. Very. Because I do so much to them and they simply destroy me morally. Why can't I be given freedom? Why does everyone normal families am I suffering? I love my parents very much, but they kill this love in me every time. Please forgive me but I'm tired. Sometimes I really wonder who I am and what I come from.
I imagine myself, I won’t succeed, why should I live? I really want to commit suicide. These thoughts have already taken possession of me, and somewhere at the bottom, in the depths of my soul, that same little Masha, purposeful, energetic, is screaming and saying I want to live.
But when everything puts pressure on you, society, family, you just give up.
I'm very tired.. I sit at home all day, I constantly quarrel with my parents so that
Going to one training session, volleyball is everything to me, I love it very much. I don't know
What should I do, I want to disappear.
Support the site:

Masha, age: 16 / 01/17/2018

Responses:

Hello. Masha, of course, your parents understand that you are their main support and support, and are very grateful to you, just for some reason internal reasons they don't say that. They may think that you already guess. A heart-to-heart conversation will help here, without shouting and dissatisfaction, but simply calmly discussing it. You girl is old enough, you have the right to express your opinion, it’s great that you have such cool hobbies, you’re studying, well done. And here's what elder sister pulled away - it’s a pity, it would be easier for the two of you to take care of your parents. Mash, what can I advise - don’t leave mom and dad, they can’t live without you, but don’t forget about yourself, your hobbies, develop your abilities, train. You yourself know what you are capable of! You can listen to the opinions of others, and you know your potential better. Do not give up! I wish that your parents understand you and support you in all your endeavors, strength and patience.

Irina, age: 30 / 01/17/2018

Strength and patience for you, dear, to withstand everything. You are great. Try to understand your parents and not quarrel with them. It’s already very difficult for them. Please hold on. Don’t give up. Listen to that little Masha and please, DON’T GIVE UP. HOLD ON! Everything will work out. But everything needs time. Suicide is not an option Masha. Read on this site a lot of topics about suicide. Be sure to read. There are also unsuccessful attempts. And the person does not die, but loses his health. Hold on. Everything will be fine. God bless you.

Ice, age: 26 / 01/17/2018

Mashenka, hello! My name is also Masha.
It's hard that your parents don't support you. I also did not feel support from my mother.
But you don’t have a disability and you’re not blind - you can be happy about that! Besides, you still have a dad and a mom, you are growing up in complete family, you can be happy about this too.
Many stories outstanding people who have achieved great success begin by having to care for sick parents as children. For example, Mary Kay Ash came home from school, cooked for the whole family, cleaned the house, took care of her sick father, who almost did not go, did homework, and so on. This woman created cosmetic company and became a millionaire.
Here, read here on the site there is a wonderful story about a girl who changed the lives of so many people, just because she “played for joy.” It's amazing good book, which influenced me very well. She will definitely make you happy!
I wish you, Mashenka, every success, goodness, happiness. Make peace with your parents, forgive them for their weaknesses. Your life will bring you a lot of joy, believe me!

Maria, age: 38 / 01/17/2018

Hello.
You say you love them. But love is long-suffering, merciful, love does not envy, love is not arrogant, is not proud, does not act rudely, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. Compare with your actions.
Just think about it. Your parents also gave up a lot of things to bring you into the world. They also wanted to take a walk and do their own thing. Instead, they dealt with you and your sister. And I had to cook, and clean, and everything else, and even have a disability. How difficult it is for 12 whole years.
Now you want freedom, this is understandable, but there is also responsibility. God commanded: “Honor your father and mother and you will live long on earth.” And your conscience says the same thing. Actually, this is the voice of God in your soul.
Now you think you will get freedom, you will do what you like, but you have no experience of life. This little Masha inside you can lead you down a very dangerous path, she loves only herself and does not want to sacrifice anything for others.
Read on this site about relationships with parents. About the behavior of sick people. They very often become capricious. You need to be patient and give in somewhere, imagine how difficult it is for them.
And also think about why you live. Is your goal in life to become an athlete or an artist? But this is not the main thing in life. This is not bad, but there are more important things, like starting a family.
Try to humble yourself, be patient, and God will give you a great reward for your work. Try to pray when it’s difficult for you and God will help you and give you strength.
Listen to your conscience and with God’s help everything will work out.

Andrey, age: 30 / 01/17/2018

Masha, hi! I really sympathize with you. Just don't despair. We do not choose the family into which we are born. But still, if you have such a family, the Lord will still give you the strength to endure everything. God will never leave you and your family. Do you have any other relatives who could would you like to help? Think about it well. You should not think about death, because the soul is immortal and the problem will not be solved this way. read it here. Masha, try not to beat yourself up. I understand that you love theater and volleyball, but in your situation it is better to give up your hobbies for now in order to be able to do everything. Moreover, you have problems with your studies. Then you can return to these studies. You can go to another city if someone can look after your parents. Maybe they will agree? It’s very good that you love your parents, which means you should have enough patience. And don't pay attention to insults. Parents can behave this way because of their health conditions. And they say that nothing will work out for you, because they cannot do what they want and still do not want to let you go. Don’t be offended by them, because it’s hard for them too. read here) Your parents still love you) Try talking to a psychologist online about what’s bothering you.
Turn to God more often) The Lord loves you very much and will never leave you) If you ask Him for help more often, your life will change for the better) I wish you good health, good relations and mutual understanding in the family, finding the meaning of life, true friends, success in studies, always a great mood, more love, joy and peace in life and all the best) God will support you) Guardian Angel to you!

Anastasia, age: 19 / 01/18/2018

Masha, you need social assistance. services Here look.
Social services are provided subject to the voluntary consent of disabled people to receive social services. Social services, at the request of disabled people, can be provided on a permanent or temporary basis.
You need to contact the Social Services Center. It is possible that they will provide a person to accompany disabled people to the place of treatment. Find out what services are provided to people with disabilities according to state program. What is needed for assistance to be provided. Maybe it will be easier for you.

Olesya, age: 38 / 01/18/2018

Masha, caring for two seriously ill people is a very, very difficult task. Exhausting, taking a lot of energy. Fatigue from this accumulates even in adults, and you are so young! What to do to avoid breaking yourself? Where to get strength? Who to ask for advice? Let me give you some advice, and you choose what suits you.
1. You need to contact social services. A situation where there are two severely disabled people and a minor in a family is not the norm. Help needed social worker. Even if she brings groceries three times a week, buys medications, and makes an appointment for your parents to see a doctor, she will be a significant help to you. 2. Calm down. Calm is the key word. Calmly tell your parents that it is important for you to see the future of your life, to get a profession, that you love them very much and will help them. Say that after training you feel better and happier, that it’s easier for you to do everything around the house. By the way, you cannot decide whether or not to send them to a boarding school, they are legally capable, and you are not their guardian, you yourself still need parents or guardians - you are under 18.
3. If the clinic has a free psychologist, contact him. You need support. You, as a person who has been caring for patients for many years, are at psychological risk. Look for communities of relatives of patients. Recently they wrote on Pravmir that there are such people.
4. Remember that you are not just clothing your father, feeding your mother, sweeping and washing, you are performing a small feat of love for your neighbor, which is valuable in the eyes of the Lord. You are fulfilling His commandment to love your neighbor and honor your parents. You are God's beloved child, and He will help you bear your difficult cross. In the nearest church, tell the priest about your situation, ask for prayers for yourself and your parents.
I hug you, dear stranger, strong and a kind person! God help!

Elena, age: 60 / 01/18/2018

Hi Masha!

In fact, in my opinion, great tips Elena gave it to you (age: 60), be sure to reread it and try to listen.
Well, I’ll add on my own behalf.

What you are doing is truly a feat; most of your peers are most likely not under such stress, both psychological and physical.

They would have stood it. You write “my sister began to show a dark side,” I’m sure that “ dark side" has nothing to do with it, she just felt the same way

It's hard, like you. And now you can just understand it. She started drinking and smoking as a way to forget herself, to get away from problems, from the burden on her

Shoulders. Your thoughts about suicide are essentially the same.
1. So, try to understand and maybe forgive your sister, and if you communicate, that’s good, if not and she wants to, don’t refuse.
2. If you love studying and volleyball, be sure to continue, don’t give up. This is what gives you hope and strength to move forward. As well as communication and

Another world, different from the world within the family, you need it like air. Without this, who knows, maybe you wouldn’t have been able to stand it anymore. So

It will be better for you and for your parents (even if they think differently) if you continue to do these things that are important to you.

3. Of course, it’s difficult for me to judge, but there are many blind people in the world who take care of themselves on their own, and it’s very difficult, but nevertheless

Fewer people cope. And further more people with cerebral palsy, who also cope. Perhaps you have spoiled your parents a little, and it will

It's better for both them and you if they gradually try to become more independent. Yes, judging by your letter, there will be charges

To you, but you have to do this not so much for your own sake, but for their sake. Imagine that something happened to you, and who should

Will it help if they are so dependent on you? Just as gradually, talk, explain, prepare them for the idea that after some time

You will go away to study, and for some time they will have to live without you, and there will be outrage and accusations, but gradually they will come to terms with it and accept it. The main thing for this moment is to prepare them. You can start with the TV, let the first task be to turn on the TV yourself, help teach it, and then let it go on your own. Figure out where the remote control should be, learn the buttons, etc. Next choose next task, for example, partial cleaning of the room, etc.
That is, gradually, if in some situation you are sure that they can do without you, do not help, even if they ask, otherwise they will never want to be more independent.
Yes, it’s also very possible that your parents are afraid of being left without you, not so much for the sake of help, but because of the fear of loneliness, and therefore they don’t even try to show independence, so that you don’t even have the thought of leaving them. Therefore, speak, convince them that you will not leave them, and if you leave to study, you will visit them as often as you can.
And lastly, don't give up! you are strong, s God's help You will succeed!

Alexander, age: 31 / 01/19/2018