Relationships with children in the family. Family relationship style

Relationships between parents and children develop differently in different families. They largely depend on the upbringing of children and on the behavior of the parents themselves. The age of the child also plays a significant role in the relationship. With the correct behavior of parents, their relationships with children throughout their lives develop harmoniously. Otherwise, serious conflicts arise in relationships, and they can continue for many years.

We should start with how the relationship between children and parents develops.

Relationship Development

Parents' relationships with young children, as a rule, are easy. There is rarely a feeling of distance between them. While the child goes to kindergarten and lower grades of school, everything also proceeds calmly. Parents set the rules, and children obediently follow them, without thereby causing discontent on the part of the parents.

The nature of the relationship most often changes when the child enters the so-called period of adolescence (12-14 years) and lasts about 5 years. At this time, both on the part of the child and on the part of the parents, dissatisfaction increases, tension and alienation arise. Parents begin to criticize their children and find fault with them. Teenagers, on the other hand, show persistence and a desire to resist adults, thereby trying to prove their independence. Children begin to look at the world differently, not wanting to obey their parents unquestioningly, which often heats up the situation and threatens the close relationships between children and their parents.

If during this period parents treat the child with understanding and try not to control him, but try to build relationships based on respect and, listening to the child’s opinion, recognizing him as an adult and independent person, then very soon the relationship can improve and move to a new level. If parents want to emphasize their authority in front of their children, thereby only destroying the relationship, the period of building normal relationships can drag on for many years.

Principles of trusting relationships

In order to maintain a trusting relationship with their children, parents must support the child when difficult life situations arise, giving him the opportunity to use his life experience and accumulated knowledge. At the same time, there is no need to tell him that he needs to act this way and not otherwise, it is enough to simply show participation and understanding. The child must make decisions independently, as well as bear responsibility for them. In this way, children will safely go through the stage of overcoming their doubts and difficulties, and choose their own reasonable path to achieve their goals.

All teenagers actively strive to understand the world around them. At this time, their intellect, memory and imagination are usually actively developing. Also during this period, the child goes through a stage of self-affirmation and self-determination. He often begins to use the pronoun “I”, and not always appropriately. He becomes not indifferent to how he looks and what he is wearing, and if someone criticizes the child about this, he perceives it very painfully. There is no need to criticize a child for paying a lot of attention to his appearance. During this period, as a rule, teenagers do not tolerate superiority over themselves and want to emphasize in any way that they are right. Adults just need to be understanding about this.

Causes of conflicts and their resolution

One of the main reasons for conflicts in families is personal fulfillment. Often, parents try to make their unfulfilled desires come true at the expense of their children. Enroll children in various sections and classes. But the child does not always want this, and on this basis a conflict arises. Sometimes such situations arise even when children have grown up. Parents impose their opinions and teach their children how to live. To avoid conflicts, parents need to understand that even their own children are, first of all, individuals who are able to solve their own problems and build their own future. You can help a child, but you don’t need to decide for him what will be best for him.

Another main cause of conflict is overprotection on the part of parents. Parents should not actively protect their children from all the complexities of the modern world, because children, in any case, will have to face them sooner or later. Only then may children find themselves unprepared for this, which will lead to dire consequences.

You should always try to find a compromise with your children, giving them maximum freedom. You should not “break” a child by subordinating him to your will; it is better to have a heart-to-heart talk with him more often. And also, it is necessary to remember that each person has his own path in life, which he will have to go through independently. Support children in difficult life situations, and then the relationship between children and parents will be full of harmony and mutual understanding.

Video on the topic - relationships and misunderstandings between parents and children.

Trusting relationships between parents and children are the best option for maintaining relationships within the family. The advantage of this kind of relationship is that the trust that was once gained is not wanted to be lost by either party, and each of the parties will try to maintain and protect this kind of relationship through personal efforts. The disadvantages are that this kind of relationship is based only on trust in each other, which is a great luxury in modern times.

How to gain trust.

In order to establish yourself in a circle of trust, you need to perform certain actions that will tell you that you can be trusted. Do not have the desire, much less allow yourself to deceive or be disingenuous in relation to a person who trusts you, no matter if it is a parent or a child. Try to fulfill your promises as clearly as possible, or have an open and honest conversation.

Each family has a whole complex of psychological characteristics. But what is common to all families is, as a rule, the pronounced emotionality of intrafamily relationships. It is a high degree of emotional closeness that is a special quality of a real, strong family.

A modern multi-stage family can successfully fulfill its functions if it harmoniously combines the psychological characteristics of family members of all generations, thanks to which they will be able to shape the personality of children.

Family relationships are a system of mutual demands and expectations that are oriented in all directions - from older to younger family members, and from younger to older.

There are different approaches to classification styles of relationships between parents and children. For example, A. Baldwin distinguishes two styles:

1) democratic, which is characterized by a high degree of verbal communication between parents and children, the involvement of children in the discussion of family problems, the constant readiness of parents to help, and the desire for objectivity in raising children;

2) controlling, presupposing significant restrictions in the child’s behavior with an understanding of the meaning of these restrictions, clarity and consistency of the parents’ demands and the child’s recognition of them as fair and reasonable.

Let's give another classification family relationship styles– authoritarian and democratic.

Authoritarian style characterized by parental authority. At the same time, there is a belief that such upbringing can develop in a child the habit of unquestioning obedience. However, in families of this type there is no spiritual unity or friendship. Adults pay little attention to the child’s individuality, his age characteristics, interests and desires. Although children grow up obedient and disciplined, they develop these qualities without an emotionally positive and conscious attitude towards the demands of an adult. More often than not, this blind obedience is based on the fear of being punished. As a result, children develop little independence, initiative, and creativity. It is in such families that adolescents most often come into conflict with their parents and become alienated from the family.

At democratic style relationships are characterized by mutual love and respect, attention and care of adults and children for each other. In families with democratic style relationships, children are full participants in the life of the family, its work and rest. Parents try to get to know their children more deeply, to find out the reasons for their bad and good deeds. Adults constantly appeal to the child’s feelings and consciousness, encourage his initiative, and respect his opinion. At the same time, children know the meaning of the words “impossible” and “necessary” quite well. The democratic style of family education gives the greatest effect in shaping children's conscious discipline and interest in family affairs and in the events of their surrounding life. Gradually, children develop initiative, resourcefulness, and a creative approach to the assigned task. Punishment in such families is usually not used - censure or grief from the parents is enough.

However, it happens that a family has outwardly developed a democratic style of education, but it does not give the desired effect, since parents violate the most important pedagogical principles, for example, they fail to determine the degree of demandingness in a given situation, organize the correct daily routine for children, or create conditions for feasible labor contribution of children to family life; they may be inconsistent in their demands or they do not have a unified approach to some family matters.

The relationship between parents and children develops over the years into certain typical variants.

OPTION A. Parents and children experience a strong need for mutual communication.

Such relationships are characterized, first of all, by the general moral atmosphere of the family: decency, frankness, mutual trust, equality in relationships, the ability of parents to sensitively understand the world of the child and his age-related needs, their deep parental affection, constant readiness for mutual assistance, empathy, the ability to be there in times of need. time of life's adversities.

OPTION B. Parents delve into the concerns and interests of their children, and children share their feelings and experiences with them, but this is not a mutual need.

This option is characterized by a less complete degree of contact. Outwardly, the relationship is good, but some deep, intimate connections are broken, and a barely noticeable crack has appeared in the relationship between parents and children. The most typical reasons for this phenomenon may be the following:

– some discrepancies between the nature of the parents’ demands and their personal behavior;

– insufficient sensitivity, mental subtlety, tact of parents in some specific situations, insufficient degree of their objectivity in relation to their children;

– the possibility that parents do not psychologically “keep up” with the dynamism and speed of development of their children.

Such, as yet barely noticeable, signs of deterioration in relationships with children give parents cause for serious reflection.

OPTION B. Rather, parents try to delve into the interests and lives of their children, rather than the children themselves sharing with their parents.

This is the most strange, at first glance, relationship between parents and children. Parents strive to delve into the lives of their children with the kindest and most sincere feelings of love and attention. Parents dream and hope to protect their children from troubles, warn them against dangers, and make them happy. Children understand this, but do not accept it. The point is that the high thoughts of the parents are broken in this case by the low pedagogical culture of their implementation. The desires of parents to help their children, their sincere interest in them, are not always accompanied by the ability to enter the world of children without pressure and imposition of their views, without nervousness and prejudice.

OPTION G. Rather, children feel a desire to share with their parents than parents want to delve into the interests and concerns of their children.

This type of relationship occurs when parents are overly busy with themselves, work, hobbies, and their relationships. This is often expressed in insufficient fulfillment of parental duty, the passivity of parents in communicating with children, which gives rise to feelings of resentment and loneliness in the latter. And yet, natural affection and love for their parents remains, and children feel the desire to share their successes and sorrows, knowing that their parents still remain their sincere well-wishers.

OPTION D. The behavior and aspirations of children are perceived negatively by parents, and at the same time, the parents are most likely right.

This kind of situation is usually associated with the age characteristics of children, when they still cannot fully appreciate the experience of their parents and their efforts aimed at the benefit of the family. Parents’ justified grief is caused by one-sided, temporary hobbies of children that are detrimental to their studies, health, and in some cases, immoral actions. It is quite natural that parents are extremely concerned about everything that can cause moral and physical harm to their children. Based on their life experience and views, they try to explain the possible consequences of such behavior, but they often encounter misunderstanding, disbelief, and resistance. It is important that parents always strive to deeply understand the aspirations of their children, show patience and respect for their reasons and arguments, since children, even if they are wrong, are usually sincerely convinced that they are right, and parents cannot or do not want to understand them.

OPTION E. The behavior and aspirations of children are perceived negatively by parents, and at the same time, the children are most likely right.

In this case, parents take a conflicting position with the best intentions, out of a sincere desire for the best for their children. But these situations are caused by the personal shortcomings of parents who do not have the opportunity or do not consider it necessary to suppress them in themselves, in their relationships with each other and with their children. This often manifests itself in nervousness, hot temper, and intolerance to different opinions. Children react especially painfully to their parents' tendency to drink. This causes a sharp protest from the children. Acute situations are also caused by the pedagogical tactlessness of parents, which is often aggravated by the lack of a common culture. Acute conflicts can arise due to the emotional deafness of parents, since children of all ages are especially vulnerable in moments of subtle emotional experiences, elation, and lofty aspirations that are not understood by adults. Conflicts in which children are right are fraught with special consequences - many years of childhood resentment that can cause disunity between children and parents.

OPTION G. Mutual wrong of parents and children.

The accumulated grievances of early childhood and early adolescence move from the stage of “keeping within themselves”, first into episodic clashes, and then, if parents do not understand the essence of what is happening, do not change the tactics of their attitude towards children, into constant, ever-expanding conflicts. Both sides get tired of useless debates and mutual reproaches, and gradually lose the ability to listen and understand each other.

OPTION 3. Different relationships with father and mother, or “who do you love more?”

In most families, parents do not need complete unity in raising children. This applies to the content of communication, and the content of demands, and the tone of their expression, and the nature of rewards and punishments, and the expression of their feelings, etc. When the relationship between a father and mother towards children develops completely differently, then the essence and nature of their relationship with children can be very different: from the child’s need to communicate with one of the parents to complete alienation with the other. This is the case when it is necessary to remember that the unity of attitudes and relationships is an elementary truth of the pedagogical culture of parents.

OPTION I. Complete mutual alienation and hostility.

There are several most typical reasons for this family tragedy.

1. Pedagogical failure of parents. A significant number of parents begin education without having the slightest pedagogical idea about this most complex and responsible task. And since they themselves were brought up in the family, at school and other educational institutions, they have the illusion of awareness regarding the upbringing process. About this paradox, K. D. Ushinsky wrote: “The art of education has the peculiarity that to almost everyone it seems familiar and understandable, and sometimes even easy.”

2. Harsh, almost barbaric methods of “pseudo-education”, as a result of which children begin to fear, hate, and despise their parents and try by any means to escape from them.

3. The creation of a family idol from a child, a cajoled, caressed, capricious, whiny egoist and, as a result, a self-centered and shamelessly indifferent person.

The problem of relations between parents and children is acute, regardless of the age of these same children and parents, religion, social status, level of education and place of residence. Every family has its own reasons for disagreements and disputes.

Problems of relationships between parents and children of early and school age

When a baby is just born, he is already born with a basic need - to take his place in the family hierarchy, to be loved, to receive attention. A child’s sense of security directly depends on their sense of belonging to their family.

And all his further behavior, all the crises of 1,2, 3 years, one way or another, are connected with the desire to take this place, to win his space, to receive attention and love. Paradoxically, the worse a child behaves, the more he needs parental love.

From infancy, the child is busy looking for ways to join his family, he tries different models of behavior and draws conclusions: “This is how people pay attention to me!” In the future, those behavioral models that seemed most effective to the baby shape his behavior. And it’s not the baby’s fault, that’s how we’re designed, this algorithm is needed for survival, so a child can behave badly without any conscious awareness.

For example, a mother and daughter are sitting at the table, the daughter is having lunch, the mother is enthusiastically sitting on social networks, the daughter begins to loudly knock on the table with a spoon, which infuriates the mother and forces her to pay attention to herself. At the same time, the child does not do this on purpose, she just suddenly wanted to knock on the table, and the hidden motive to “attract mom’s attention” is in the subconscious.

Gradually, the child develops and consolidates his own “role” in the family; children who were better able to attract the attention of their parents with bad behavior become “bad”: they do not listen to their parents, scream, are rude, misbehave, etc. Children who managed to attract the attention of their parents through obedience, help around the house, good grades, kind words, and displays of talent continue to win their parents' love with good behavior.

Both the first and second groups of children can have huge problems not only in parent-child relationships, but also in all subsequent life. “Bad children” will spend their entire lives feeling unworthy, wrong, and not like everyone else; “good children” will spend their whole lives striving to prove to mom and dad, and then to everyone around them, that there is something to love them for.

Almost every client who comes to see a psychologist, regardless of the initial request, brings up childhood traumas inflicted by parents who did not want to harm their child at all. They simply did not know how to act correctly, they acted in accordance with the stereotypes accepted in the society of that time.

Family roles are of great importance not only in violations of parent-child relationships, but throughout the child’s life, because he learns to interact not only with his family, but also with the world. And this “label” of his: a good boy, an excellent student, a beauty, or a bully, a gray mouse, a fool, will have an impact on the child’s entire subsequent life.

It’s not just that they say that everything comes from the family; every parent should be aware of the enormous responsibility that came to him along with the happiness of motherhood or fatherhood. Consciously approach the choice of the type of parent-child relationship, love your child unconditionally, evaluating not the child, but his behavior. In any situation, the baby must know that no matter what happens, mom and dad will not love him less.

Relationship problems between parents and adult children

I really like the eastern wisdom “a child is a guest in your home: feed, educate and let go.” As a rule, with the first two points of this proverb - to feed and educate, such great difficulties do not arise as with the third - to let go.

From the very birth of the baby, parents need to understand that the child is not their property, but a little person with his own character, who has a unique path and his own destiny. A child must be respected and taken into account from infancy, not to mention an adult child.

But, often, in practice everything turns out differently. Parents believe that they know better from the height of their years and it begins: “If you don’t go to a biology class, you will go to a mathematics class - this is promising!”, “You will become a lawyer, this is prestigious!”, “Get married early, get on your feet!” and so on.

At this moment, parents are not at all interested in the fact that their child is passionate about botany, and perceives mathematics lessons as hard labor; he cannot be a lawyer, because he is afraid of public speaking and, in general, has dreamed of being a doctor all his life. And the girl he happened to fall in love with at 18 has been waiting for a proposal for 5 years and, not having received it, will go to live in another country, and all his life he will regret that he listened to his mother and did not bring her back.

To avoid problems in the relationship between parents and children, it is necessary to understand that each person has his own path and only he can decide who he becomes, who he marries, where to live and how to live. Let there be mistakes, but these are his own mistakes, his life experience, which is necessary here and now.

Parents need to try to teach their children everything they need before they become adults, to establish a trusting relationship with them, in which the child himself will strive to receive parental advice. And when the child grows up, all that remains is to observe the fruits of your labors and give friendly advice, but in no case impose your opinion. But don’t forget, no matter how old your child is, he still needs your love, it’s just that its manifestations have changed a little.

Irina Lozitskaya, family psychologist.

Elena Panova
Features of parent-child interaction

« Features of parent-child interaction»

Relationship problem parents and children - complex and paradoxical. Its complexity lies in the hidden, intimate nature of human relationships, the scrupulousness of “external” penetration into them. And the paradox is that, for all its importance, parents it is usually not noticed because they do not have the necessary psychological and pedagogical information for this.

In healthy families parents and children are connected by natural everyday contacts. This is such close communication between them, as a result of which spiritual unity arises, coordination of basic life aspirations and actions. The natural basis of such relationships is made up of family ties, feelings of motherhood and fatherhood, which are manifested in parental love and caring affection of children and parents.

Unfortunately, the accelerated pace of modern life, its urbanization, along with the ever-increasing responsibility and rigidity of social role prescriptions, unfavorable trends in the socio-psychological dynamics of family development, the lack of moral and ethical principles in the relationships of adults, and the low socio-psychological culture of communication lead to relationship disorders between parents and children. All this negatively affects the upbringing of children and the formation of their personality. That's why we decided to look at the problem relationships between parents and children in the family, considering this topic to be very relevant in modern conditions.

The first stage of our research was the study of children's parental relationship, their peculiarities.

We conducted an empirical study on the basis of MBDOU TsRR-d/s No. 95, Vladikavkaz. The sample consisted of 27 parents pupils of our kindergarten.

Studying characteristics of children and parents relationships were carried out using the technique «» (WRR) (Markovskaya I. M.).

Purpose of the technique: the technique is intended for diagnosis features of interaction between parents and children.

Description of the technique: questionnaire « Parent-child interaction» is "mirror" and contains two parallel forms: For parents and children. Thus, the questionnaire has three forms: one for children and two for adults, 60 questions each.

The text of the questionnaire includes 10 scales - criteria for assessment interaction between parents and children:

1. Undemanding - demanding

2. Gentleness - severity

3. Autonomy - control

4. Emotional distance - closeness

5. Rejection - acceptance

6. Lack of cooperation - cooperation

7. Disagreement - agreement

8. Inconsistency - consistency

10. Satisfaction with relationships child(With parent) .

Survey procedure: when filling out the questionnaire parents were asked to rate the degree of agreement with each statement on a 5-point scale system: 5 - definitely yes (very strong agreement); 4 - in general, yes; 3 - both yes and no; 2 - rather no than yes; 1 -- no (absolute disagreement).

Based on the results of our study, the following data were obtained.

Analysis of the results obtained:

Analysis of the results obtained from this technique allows us to draw the following conclusions based on the available scales.

1 scale: Undemanding - demanding parents(7%) . The data on this scale shows the level of demands parent, which manifests itself in parent-child interaction. Moreover, the results of the study show that only 7% are more demanding. parents from the total number of respondents.

2 scale: softness-severity parent(12%) . Based on the results of this scale, it can be judged that a higher level of severity and severity of measures applied to children is observed in 12% of respondents. Analysis of the results of the others' answers parents talk about it, that despite all the demands on the individual baby, penalties are characterized by greater lenience and flexibility of the rules established in relationships between parents and children.

3 scale: autonomy-control in relation to to kid(22%) . The results of the table allow us to conclude that parents All families treat their children quite adequately. Indicators on this scale indicate that controlling behavior towards to kid does not develop into petty guardianship and intrusiveness, but the level of control over the behavior of one’s baby is still normal. This does not allow us to talk about complete autonomy baby, about permissiveness, which may be a consequence of either an indifferent attitude towards to kid, or a consequence of admiration.

4 scale: emotional distance - emotional closeness child to parent(13%) . Special attention should be paid to the fact that this scale reflects the perception parent about the child's proximity to him. Analyzing data parents, one can judge the accuracy of the representations parents, on an adequate assessment of proximity to them baby. According to the graph, it is clear that the emotional distance is observed between parents and children for 13% of those studied, and for the majority of respondents, relationships parents and children are more trusting and close.

5 scale: rejection-acceptance child's parent(6%) . This scale reflects the basic attitude parent to child. Results of analysis of responses 6% parents talk about it that on their part there is some rejection of the individual baby, a critical attitude towards his actions and desires. The distance between these parent and child is quite large. The rest parents try to be more flexible in their actions baby, accept his advantages, take into account his shortcomings, but do not treat them critically, so that this does not become a repulsive factor in their relationship.

6 scale: lack of cooperation - cooperation (21%) . Availability of cooperation between parents and children perfectly reflects the character interaction. The indicator on this scale among the respondents indicates a high percentage of cooperation between parents and children, which is a consequence of inclusion child's interaction, recognition of his rights and merits. It reflects equality and partnership in relationships parents and children.

7 scale: disagreement-agreement between child and parent(9%) . This scale also describes the character interactions between parent and child and reflects the frequency and degree of agreement between them in various life situations. The picture outlined by this scale in all families suggests that between parents and child Sometimes discussions take place due to divergent views on certain life situations.

8 scale: inconsistency-consistency parent(3%) . Subsequence parent is an important parameter interaction. The indicators of this scale indicate that some parents are not consistent and inconsistent in their demands, in their attitude towards to kid, in the use of punishment and encouragement, etc. Such inconsistency may be a consequence of emotional imbalance or educational insecurity parent.

9 scale: authority parent(5%) . The results of this scale reflect self-esteem parent in the sphere of its influence on baby. It is important to note that in all families the assessment parents are quite adequate, which gives reason to assume the level of points on the scale. That is, we can say that opinions, actions and parents are authoritative enough for baby.

10 scale: relationship satisfaction child with parent(2%) . According to the data of the tenth scale, one can judge the overall degree of satisfaction with the relationship between parents and children. The data indicate the absence of violations in the structure of children's parental relationship, about the low level of possible conflicts and give reason to assume that there is no need to talk about concern about the current family situation in this case.

Thus, based on the results of the methodology, I would like to conclude that in the families under study the socio-psychological climate is almost normal, and if there are any conflicts and disagreements in some life situations, then this is quite fixable. Moreover, I would also like to note that the survey results show that parents in most cases they try to understand desires and actions baby, to be closer to him, and if this cannot be achieved, then the staff of our kindergarten will definitely come to the rescue in optimizing the children’s parental relationship.

Conclusion

Relationship child with parents are the primary experience interactions with the outside world, during which his socialization occurs, his assimilation of a certain system of values, national and social culture.

The way children grow up depends on how relationships are built in the family, what values ​​and interests are brought to the fore by its older representatives. The family climate affects the moral climate and health of the entire society. Child reacts very sensitively to the behavior of adults and quickly learns the lessons learned in the process of family upbringing.

Unfortunately, not every family turns out to be capable sufficiently perform its important functions. Their violation affects both the mental, physical and intellectual levels of development baby.

Task parents- organize the education process in such a way as to achieve the desired results. And the key to this can be the internal harmony of each of them. parents and harmony between them.

Thus, in conclusion, I would like to say that only when everyone TO KID will be treated as an individual and learn to appreciate him, then, and only then, real change is possible. I wish that parents felt that they are the sources of knowledge and goodness for their children.

The relationship between parents and children is a unique phenomenon of society that defies explanation and classification. The true reasons for the loss of mutual understanding are known only to the participants in the quarrel, so those around you can only guess about the cause of conflicts in the family. In a clash of generations, it is important to be guided by your own preferences and take into account the interests of the opposition. Different views on life and an incorrectly chosen model of upbringing - communication disappears as quickly as children grow up.

However, the observations of psychologists involved in the restoration of disparate units of society allow us to talk detachedly about the problem of relations between parents and children. The main thing is to correctly accept the recommendations of professionals. You should remember that the tips and communication formats below are complex information and require additional modifications. After reading the contents of the article, relate the material to your own situation, drawing the right conclusions.

Classification of relationships between parents and children

The formation of a child’s character and worldview directly depends on the behavior patterns of mom and dad, which they plan to adhere to in the process of raising their offspring. Communication within the family is the foundation of the young consciousness, which projects events occurring in the outside world onto the “example” at home. Resentments and joys, habits and mental disorders are echoes of childhood that guide the child throughout life. In the 21st century, five types of relationships between parents and the younger generation are traditionally classified:

Dictatorship.

The mother and father are trying to gain total control over the child's life, guided by good intentions. However, regardless of the cause-and-effect relationship, the result of overprotection is the appearance of a mental disorder in the child. The offspring does not spend time with peers, is not left alone with his own thoughts, and cannot choose and be guided by personal preferences. The fragile world of a growing child is completely at the mercy of parents, who deprive the child of a happy childhood.

Belief.

This pattern of adult behavior is comparable to tyranny or dictatorship. Parents who have not realized their own dreams in life are trying to follow in their “footsteps” a child called upon to correct the mistakes of the mother and father. They do not take into account the child’s wishes and preferences, being guided solely by personal interests. Often in such families, spouses decide about the type of activity of their children at the moment when they are just thinking about conception.

Friendliness.

Mom and dad participate in the baby’s life without depriving him of his personal space. Freedom of action and the opportunity to seek advice from an adult “friend” are the main advantages of this technique. Parents maintain friendly relations with their offspring without losing their authority. They try to meet the interests of the younger generation, sharing the child’s hobbies. The main thing is not to get too carried away.

Insensitivity.

Regular reproaches and accusations are the main signs of this type of education. A child in such a family feels unwanted and superfluous. In situations that happen, parents invariably find cause-and-effect relationships between the baby and the events that occurred. In the process of upbringing, the offspring does not encounter “love”, “understanding” and “affection”. A grown child often refuses to maintain a relationship with his parents, guided by the scale of grievances from childhood. Removing an angry child is the best solution to the problem, because some teenagers begin to take revenge for their spoiled youth.

Mentoring.

In such families, children can count on the recommendation of a wise person who will try to help and not reproach. The child’s disobedience is punished, and independence is encouraged - such a model of communication is built on rationality and trust. Parents invariably participate in the life of their offspring, trying to moderately control his behavior. Adults respect the choice of a child who listens to the authoritative opinion of the mother and father.

How do you want to see your own offspring years from now? Are you ready to notice the undying resentment and endless anger in your baby’s eyes? Do you dream of hearing sincere words of gratitude from your child for a happy childhood? Are complete mutual understanding and care for your beloved “old people” your goals? Choosing a model for raising a child is the “key” to the future, which will open only one door.

The main reasons for children's disobedience

Serious behavioral problems in children are the result of a mental disorder that could arise due to one of the following reasons:

Fight for attention.

In modern society, where adults spend an impressive amount of time at work, children try by any means to “get” their parents’ free minutes. Kids don't understand that mom and dad are tired during the day. The child tries to attract attention with good deeds, but often no one responds to such actions. The only option that arises in the young mind is disobedience or prank, after which the parents will definitely devote free time to raising their offspring.

Children create scandals, refuse to obey and promote “revolutionary” sentiments for one reason - the desire to get rid of overprotection. Parents pay excessive attention to the baby, who is trying to show independence, so “prank” becomes an appropriate solution for the offspring. In accordance with young thinking, mom and dad must understand the scale of the child's indignation, who is ready to go even to extreme measures. “Father’s favorite watch, who forbade me to meet with friends? Punish me, but I won’t accept your opinion,” the reasoning of the “rebellious” fidget.

Childhood grievances that a child harbors throughout his life are a powerful argument for a teenager who decides to respond to his parents with the same “coin.” If the child was not allowed to communicate with peers, then he will disappear without permission for a long time in an unfamiliar company. The child’s actions belong to the “contrary” relationship format, where any action of the parents is perceived as wrong.

Loss of faith.

Regular criticism and endless prohibitions, an immense sense of guilt and a lack of mutual understanding with parents are the reasons for the formation in the child’s mind. The kid, in whose success no one initially believes, despairs and decides to take the events taking place more simply. Apathy towards communication with peers and loss of parental authority, and lack of desire for self-improvement are the result of the insensitive attitude of the mother and father towards the offspring.

Implementation.

“Rebellion” against parental views is a prerequisite for changing one’s own lifestyle, with which the young fidget is dissatisfied. Was the kid forced to enter the Suvorov Military School? Did adults force you to learn to play the violin? Spouse imposition? Did the choice of professional activity take place without the participation of the offspring? A rebellion will definitely arise in the young mind - the only question is the scale of children's patience, which will one day end.

To identify the prerequisites for disobedience in your own offspring, it is important to pay attention to the feelings that arise in parents after the child’s pranks. If you feel anger inside, then the child will try to escape from overprotection. If you experience a state of emptiness and endless loneliness, then the reason is that your baby is overcome by depressive thoughts. If you are annoyed by the actions of a child, then he consciously draws attention to himself. If, after the next “antics” of the young fidget, you are overcome by resentment, then the baby takes revenge, wanting to specifically harm mom and dad.

Common mistakes parents make

The reasons for children's disobedience are hidden in the incorrect upbringing that parents adhered to as the child grew up. If you avoid making typical mistakes in adolescence, then misunderstandings between family members will not arise. Common patterns of behavior of mothers and fathers that cause relationships with children to deteriorate:

Orders that deprive the child of choice and freedom of action.
Lack of trust and constant control.
Threats of punishment.
Groundless criticism, because of which the child ceases to believe in his own abilities.
Sarcastic ridicule of a child’s action, putting him in an awkward situation.
Asking the offspring for personal information that he does not want to share.
Jokes from parents who do not want to answer their child’s question.
Unnecessary moralizing.
Forced “advice” that deprives the child of his own opinion.
Involvement in the child's life.

In the relationship between parents and children, we must not forget about the simple truth - the more privileges you have, the more responsibilities you have. Mutual understanding and participation in the life of a loved one is an effective way to help, but tyranny and regular disagreements are an inappropriate solution that destroys personality.

To prevent a loss of mutual understanding in their relationship with their child, parents must be clearly aware of the magnitude of the words spoken and the actions done. In raising your offspring, it is important to systematize your own model of behavior, adhering to a well-thought-out strategy. Guided by the following recommendations, you can properly build communication with children:

It is important to correctly and clearly define in childhood the boundaries of behavior that the child will perceive correctly. Restrictions are accompanied by the child’s awareness that such actions will upset the parents. If the child perceives the established framework as “forbidden fruit,” then the situation will only worsen.
A child should realize from childhood that it is much more pleasant than living contrary to society and existing laws. Correct literature and educational films are effective ways to influence the fragile consciousness of a child.
Creation on children's thinking is a “jewelry” method of education, which must be applied in doses. Moral teaching greatly tires the young mind, so you should not abuse communication in an imperative tone. – the opportunity to influence behavior, change the child’s worldview, and not punish, aggravating the current situation.

Parents should not quarrel and sort things out in a raised voice in front of the child. While observing a conflict between adults, the authority of one of the participants in the dialogue invariably collapses in the child’s mind. Guided by the example of such behavior, the offspring may begin to show aggression, try to “rebel” and not listen to parental opinion.
Mother and father must learn to offer the baby an alternative that can interest the young explorer. A categorical “No” often evokes a protest in the child’s mind, which means it becomes a guide to action. Present the information correctly by prohibiting the use of felt-tip pens on wallpaper, but allowing it on a special piece of paper. Hang your offspring's drawing in a frame, paying attention to the baby's abilities and talent. Next time, the fidget will not want to create a conflict situation, but will add to his own collection of images on the wall of “honor.”
Some parents forget that the baby is the same person who feels pain and experiences joy. In controversial situations, listen to the child’s opinion and learn to find compromise solutions. Stubbornness is not an indicator of power, but a sign of a lack of self-confidence. Mutual understanding and trust are prerequisites for the appearance of a child.

If you do not make common mistakes in the process of upbringing and maintain your own authority in the eyes of the child, then the grown-up offspring will be grateful for a happy adolescence. Don't forget about the Boomerang effect, which applies to relationships between parents and children. If you surround your baby with care, then in old age you can expect similar attention from your adult child.