People can date and start families at any age. The period after 40 years is quite suitable for starting new relationships. Usually, by this time, men and women already have a good idea of ​​what they want from life and from a partner. They have established jobs, have housing, and children from previous marriages have grown up. When a woman finds the right man for her, she may be in for an unpleasant discovery. She is surprised to see that her partner does not at all strive for a long-term relationship.

His behavior seems incomprehensible to the lady. At first the man likes her, he may even make her love confession. However, immediately after this, the gentleman begins to hide, avoid meetings, and does not want to explain anything. If you force him to have a frank conversation, you can hear strange words. He says that the relationship is developing too rapidly, and he doesn’t like it. This kind of behavior, when a person is not responsible for himself, is more typical of children. Why does an adult with a big life experience, doesn't want a relationship?

Not all men over 40 are afraid of women. Many of them are trying to find good friend, get married and live happily in a family. However, there are often unsuccessful stories. Psychologists identify two main directions, which may have different options.

Elusive man

When a woman meets a man she likes, she mentally makes plans for cohabitation. She wants to see him next to her in later life. Everything seems to be going well, but after some time the lady notices some oddities in male behavior. Although at first glance they seem insignificant, they lead to serious problems.

Such a man gives the impression of an extremely closed person. This is especially evident when expressing his feelings and views on relationships. The woman begins to understand that the gentleman is only inclined to meet with her from time to time. He does not strive to develop serious and long term relationship. He often refuses to meet on weekends or weekday evenings, since he has his own business to attend to at that time.

Sometimes a woman finds out that her boyfriend is also dating another friend. An alarming symptom should be a refusal to introduce her parental family and the man's friends. It does not count as an acquaintance when a lady is called just a friend. She feels that she is unable to keep her gentleman with her.

The Elusive Man

A divorced man after 40 years of age may well be a positive person. He already has adult children who do not require special care. He communicates well on any topic and the woman enjoys conversations with him, finding a lot in them. common interests. He often shows responsibility, shows signs of attention and makes a favorable impression. The lady begins to wait for the relationship to develop and willingly meets it halfway. The couple spends some time together and suddenly the man begins to behave strangely.

At first he shows interest, and then moves away from his partner, and may not call her for several days. The woman is upset by this turn, which she never expected. Attempts to get an explanation from the gentleman often do not yield results. He can tell where he was and what he did, but he does not consider himself guilty. A man reproaches his girlfriend for being too persistent and violating his freedom. He doesn't want to rush things, and she agrees not to force them. However, the lady's patience does not help, and after a while he completely moves away from her. At the same time, the man does not show emotional distress and behaves as if nothing had happened. All women's efforts to renew the relationship lead nowhere.

Every woman can meet a representative of the elusive or elusive male type. Why do they behave this way? We must understand that every person has character traits that are unique to him. In addition, men after 40 years have a number of common features. Psychologists believe that they are influenced by factors such as a midlife crisis, experiences from past relationships and psychological maturity.

Midlife crisis in men

After 40 years, men begin a period when they reevaluate their lives. This time is commonly called the midlife crisis. A person wants to understand what life values ​​determine his life and are of primary importance in it. Society has developed a stereotypical image of a man who should be strong and successful. However, not everyone can match ideal ideas. Sometimes, by the age of 40, a man does not achieve what he could be satisfied with. As a result, he ceases to respect himself, and an anxious state becomes habitual for him.

Research by psychologists has revealed the following development paths during the midlife crisis:

1. The man’s basic desires have already been fulfilled, he is happy with everything. In this case, they often say that life has happened. After 40 years, he continues to live for his own pleasure and does not notice any problems.
2. Various difficulties drive a man into a corner, he cannot cope with them and loses confidence in his abilities. He doesn’t know how to live further, but pretends that everything is fine with him. It is important for a man to show that he can cope with problems.
3. Times of crisis attract various failures, life becomes much more complicated and difficult. The man feels like the ground is burning under his feet, and everyone is turning against him. He is unable to fulfill the demands that relate to work and lifestyle. His desires remain unsatisfied.
4. Some people constantly experience setbacks along the way. They cannot cope even with minor difficulties. Serious problems become insoluble for them. Their midlife crisis does not stand out much against the general background of a difficult life.

The way a man experiences a crisis period always affects his relationship with a woman. If it is accompanied by feelings and discord, then a certain tension will arise.

Past experience in relationships

People always look at each other appraisingly. Everyone thinks about what he can get from his partner, what he himself strives to give. Men and women have similar needs in many areas. Both want loving feelings, but are often afraid to enter into a new relationship because they have experienced pain in the past.

After 40 years of age, people already have some experience in their personal life, and rarely is it serene. Almost everyone, some greater and some less, experiences disappointment and pain of loss. No one wants to suffer again, experience separation and betrayal. Men are afraid of repetition of unpleasant situations; it is easier for them to refuse new relationships. From the outside, such a person may seem selfish and soulless.

If a man acts cold and distant, you should think about him past life. Perhaps there have been more than once relationships in which grievances have accumulated and negative emotions. In them male pride could have been defeated. Over the years, a man becomes more careful, he does not want to take risks anymore. IN women's eyes this behavior seems unpleasant. However, it is worth understanding that it is a defensive reaction. Women also have a protective function of the psyche, but it is less pronounced.

Men are more vulnerable creatures in relationships. If they become attached to a woman, they are more dependent on her. Statistics confirm this theory. When spouses live together for a long time, usually the husband dies soon after the death of his wife. If a man dies, a woman lives for many more years. She takes the loss much easier.

Psychological maturity

Usually, when meeting for the first time, partners strive to show themselves only from the good side. This period is believed to last up to 6 months. Are developing love feelings, attachment grows stronger. Often a man’s negative traits appear when the couple has already lived together for some time. It's quite hard to be disappointed in the person you feel for. tender feelings. Falling in love prevents you from objectively and accurately assessing your partner. Before becoming seriously involved with a man, it is necessary to determine the degree of his psychological maturity.

It is not directly related to a person's age. Some even at 25 years old are quite mature people. They are ready to start relationships where the needs and desires of both parties are equally taken into account. There are some men who, at 45 years old, behave like children.

Three ages of maturity

1. Biological. Human development corresponds to his years and occurs in accordance with the temporal course of life.
2. Social. The position of an individual in society directly depends on the moral norms accepted in it. If he fits into them, he commands the respect of others.
3. Psychological. It shows the level of intelligence and the degree of adaptability to life in general. This age reveals a person’s internal motives and attitudes.

Find out what your partner is like psychological age, is possible only through direct communication and interaction with him. Quite often there is a discrepancy between it and the biological social ages. A middle-aged man can be in a high position, fit for his years, but be psychologically immature in his relationship with a woman. An example of this behavior is the following:

• First a man falls deeply in love, and then suddenly disappears
• For some unknown reason, he changes his mind
• Can be unyielding
• Seeks to control his partner
• Dreams of travel and adventure, without remembering his girlfriend.

Signs of psychological maturity

1. Responsibility in decision making and actions
2. Commitment, being true to your word
3. Autonomy, the ability to exist independently
4. The ability to make decisions on your own in any situation
5. Ability to solve emerging problems
6. The ability to understand internal contradictions and cope with them.

You should not waste time on those men who do not want to enter into a real relationship or are not ready for it. This will not benefit them or their partners. Both sides will only get disappointment in each other. If a man has a negative past experience, he can relive it for a long time. Some women agree to wait indefinitely for him to sort out his grievances. They spend months and years trying to reach him. This is an empty and meaningless exercise.

A woman who values ​​herself must remember a few important points. Only she herself, and no one else, chooses a man for herself and is responsible for her own personal life. Whichever partner she chooses, she will live with that. Sometimes she meets a person she likes, but feels his immaturity and sees psychological problems. You should not think that you can change an adult. Only he himself, if he wants, can do this.

Women often look for an answer to the question: “What do men want?” And try adding to this question a factor such as age.

Okay, let's talk about everything in order. I would like to tell you about how a man changes, so to speak, as he grows up. " Men never change- you say. You are wrong to think so. Of course, I won’t argue with you. Let's better draw parallels between ages.

Take, for example, a man of thirty, a man of forty, and a man of fifty. Are you still convinced that a man is the same at thirty, forty, and fifty years old? Now let's see how right you are.

Psychology of a 30-year-old man

It would be most logical to start by considering thirty year old man. Thirty years is the most “sober” age for a man. For him, the main thing at this age is stability. At the age of thirty, a man puts an end to his fruitless dates and thinks about starting a family. What is his view of a woman? The man evaluates her as an equal and interesting person. He treats his “other half” very carefully and reverently. Between family and career, men choose family. However, if their “lady of the heart” is no longer interesting, they are able to go “left”. This indicates, dear women that you need to strive to be the best always, and not just before the “ringing” period. By the way, about marriage. If a man has not been married before the age of thirty, after thirty it will be much more difficult for him.

Psychology of a man at 40 years old

At forty, a man changes dramatically. Here, in front of you, are four behavioral models that “illustrate” the process of overcoming the age crisis:

1. The man is in a state of confusion. He gets the feeling that the whole world is at the stage of destruction. For what reasons? Due to the fact that he has not yet managed to implement much, and because he cannot meet the requirements that society places on him.
2. A man with pseudo-development. He pretends that everything is fine with him: everything that happens around him is under strict control. But what really? He feels trapped. He doesn't like the light and is tired of everything.
3. A man offended by fate. The one who was rejected and misunderstood by many. Therefore, he cannot cope with the crisis of forty years.

A man who managed to realize himself. He copes with the crisis successfully: practically without noticing it. Reason: almost all of his needs, goals and desires have been realized.

In order for the lives of forty-year-old men to go more or less “smoothly,” they should be a little softer with people. The fact is that men of this age tend to “harden”. It's about not only about relationships with society, but also about the fact that you should open your mind wide open. After all, with its help, the most brilliant and creative ideas. Why then “hide” such a treasure in yourself?

Men at this age lose a huge interest in selectivity: he gets used to being happy with what he has. Family and friends, over time, become closer and closer to him. It is a pity that such “high” importance, relative to friends and family, reaches its “peaks” only at the age of forty. Where were the men before? In the same place as now. There was just a change in priorities.

No matter how funny it may seem, men are afraid to celebrate their fortieth birthday. Although they are not distinguished, for the most part, by superstition, they associate age with the post-mortem “forty days.” At this age, they experience an “exacerbation” of sentimentality and touchiness. They begin to be skeptical about everything. They even become depressed, thinking about the fact that they have been living in the world for so many years, but have not achieved anything, achieved nothing, or accomplished anything. On this basis, many forty-year-old representatives of the stronger sex experience suicide.

Some, in order to avoid such a path as suicide and consolation in a bottle, find themselves a mistress who is two or three times younger than themselves. The “funny” thing is that their imagination “awakens”: they come up with the most incredible “excuses” for their wife. The wife willingly believes in many of them. Firstly, because she loves her husband very much, and secondly, because they do not believe that their husband is capable of such a step as betrayal. There are, of course, wives who create scandals as soon as they begin to suspect their husband of something. As a rule, such family squabbles do not lead to anything good: the man “throws himself into the whirlpool of love” even more. What about conscience? She, most often, is simply “dormant”: men believe that love “on the side” is a temporary attraction, “moral compensation” for the fact that the wife did not finish something, did not finish, did not finish, and so on. A very convenient opinion. Main aspect: their conscience does not suffer from insomnia at all.

If your man, at this age, “runs away” from home, do not worry: he may return very soon. He can only stand living with a young mistress for a while. When he realizes that he has enjoyed her to the fullest and the girl has seriously fallen for him, he decides to return to his wife. He, unexpectedly, begins to remember how wonderfully she cooks, how comfortable and good she is with her, and so on. He will pack his things, shed a tear and return home, begging his wife for forgiveness. His wife, in turn, forgives him, although not immediately.

Psychology of a man at 50 years old

Now let's talk about fifty-year-old “heroes”. Sometimes it can be unbearably difficult with them. They demand a lot of attention to their person, they are often “capricious” and offended. Often even the smallest things begin to irritate them. Very similar to the condition of women critical days, is not it? IN fifty year old men"walks" three year old child, whose eyes are literally asking for maternal care and warmer. It is important for them to feel needed.

And how selective they are in food and clothing at this age! It is important for them to look younger than their age and hear confirmation of this. It gets to the point where men start wearing youth clothes and dyeing their hair. Food is a separate matter: they want the food to be impeccable. Otherwise, it’s easier for them to starve.

Throughout life, a person changes physically and psychologically five to seven times. During growth, changes are perceived naturally and gently. Transitional stages (youth-maturity, maturity-old age) for adults are more difficult due to a conscious rethinking of life values ​​and achievements. Among the painfully perceived “milestones” it is worth mentioning the crisis of 40 years for men.

The meaning of the critical stage

Depending on the personality parameters and its social environment, a person's age can range from 35 to 45 years. Earlier stage rethinking of life occurs in people with early maturation (southern, south-eastern countries), later - in representatives of late maturing nationalities.

The essence of the midlife crisis in men 40 years old (average value) is:

• understanding the age “turning point” - youth is behind us, new decisions and priorities are needed;
• change physical condition(gradual deterioration of health, appearance of chronic diseases or exacerbation of previously acquired ones);
• decrease in potency or the occurrence of temporary periods when sexual relations impossible;
• redistribution of roles and employment in the family;
• reaching a certain level of success/failure.

At the same time, the significance of certain crisis parameters varies for different personalities. For some, social and financial achievements are more important, for others - family ones. For individuals, maintaining sexual health and performance is a priority.

In relation to changes in life, there are four types of personalities.

1. With full or significant self-realization. Such people achieved everything they wanted. They are satisfied with this, they have confidence in life and in themselves, there is no need to urgently look for new goals and paths.
2. With limited realization of desires and needs. With external well-being, a person feels that goals have not been achieved and desires have not been satisfied.
3. Clearly dissatisfied with life. Goals are not achieved, needs are not realized, the individual does not see a way out of the situation and does not know how to change it.
4. Jonah. The crisis of a man after 40 years “puts an end to” hopes and expectations.

What are the signs of a tipping point?

External manifestations of the crisis of 40 years in men vary depending on the characteristics of the psychotype and the perception of the stage. Basic symptoms are described in the table.

Characteristic manifestation	Probable Cause
	Successful individuals	Losers
Depression	All peaks have been achieved, there is nothing to strive for. I still have strength, but there is nowhere to use it, I don’t want to make new efforts	There were no achievements in life, and there won’t be any more - old age and impotence are approaching
A sudden change in professional direction, to the detriment of oneself or family	All achievements have been made in “our” field, we need to try ourselves in other fields	Constant failures push you to try to realize yourself in new areas
Refusal from the previous social circle	Former friends are far behind in success and financial opportunities	Feels inadequate next to successful friends
Character change	A change in the amount of testosterone (age-related decrease in hormone production) combined with a change in sexual activity makes the male more aggressive or sentimental, sensitive
Changing attitudes towards health	Exaggerated concern or complete failure from planned activities to improve well-being. Special attention paid to potency
One-time connection/outside connections	The desire to once again confirm your success, to prove to yourself that achievements are still possible	An attempt to overcome failures, to find an outlet in sex in the absence of other successes
Leaving the family	A new confirmation of success is the opportunity to start a family with a young woman, find in new friend admirer	The desire to “break out of the vicious circle”

The data presented demonstrate: although the symptoms of the crisis of 40 years in men are different, they have common features. The main thing is to confirm your achievements or reverse your failures.

The influence of the critical period on family relationships

At this age, the divorce rate increases, especially for couples with a marriage duration of 20...25 years.

Reasons for divorce:

• dissatisfaction with family life. The main factors on the part of one of the spouses or both are lack of financial support, reluctance to continue intimate life(maintain the same intensity), disagreements in raising children, accumulated conflicts;
• desire for something new. The wife does not satisfy the man physically and psychologically, he is looking for another woman;
• sudden feeling from outside married man. The desire to be with your loved one outweighs the sense of duty to the family;
• the need for praise and admiration from the spouse and children. If this need is not satisfied in the family, the husband looks for it on the side.

In this case, the divorce is initiated by one of the spouses or occurs by mutual desire. Divorce at the request of the husband is motivated by the desire to abandon previous relationship for the sake of building new ones. The wife justifies the separation by her unwillingness to tolerate her husband’s infidelity or bad influence his behavior on the psyche of children. Mutual consent - the spouses understand the impossibility of further life together and separate consciously.

How to survive the crisis of 40 years in men without destroying the family?

The understanding that a crisis is a temporary phenomenon forces women to tolerate their husband’s inappropriate behavior during this period. Hope for changes after the “acute phase” implies actions to preserve the family.

Effective measures to overcome crisis period are aimed at creating in the husband a feeling of a “reliable rear” without complaints and problems.

Praise. A successful individual needs praise for his achievements; a loser needs to be encouraged and reminded of his successes in life. At the same time, praise is expressed not casually, but purposefully and regularly. A successful method is to praise your husband in the presence of people who will convey to him the words of his wife.

Lack of strict control. A man's character changes. He tolerated daily calls and reports on his trips, but may refuse to do so any longer.

Attention to your appearance and health. A faded, unkempt, unhealthy spouse is not a competitor to younger and attractive women. The option with a sudden transformation is effective. For example, after long trip meet your spouse in a “renewed” form, causing delight among his friends.

Drawing attention to your husband's successes, not your own achievements. If the wife is lucky at work, she has high income, she shouldn’t highlight her advantages during a difficult period. It is important to stop family and friends from discussing your spouse in a condescending tone.

Neutral attitude towards external communication. For 60...70% of husbands, infidelity at the age of 40 is one-time. Accidental or intentional, they are a “test of strength” and do not lead to the destruction of the family with a calm reaction (deliberate ignorance) of the wife.

The last point is difficult to implement, since not every woman is capable of accepting her husband’s betrayal. It is important to remember: having survived a stormy romance with a young girl, a man understands the difference in their worldview and is ready to return to the family. By accepting him with dignity, without reproaching him for betrayal and temporary absence, you can strengthen and prolong the marriage.

What to do with the internal feeling of discomfort?

The destruction of a family as a result of thoughtless actions is only one part of the problem. More significant is the self-perception of a male representative, his attitude towards himself and life. In this case, the following motives come to the fore:

• life is over, there is nothing more to wait for. You should live out your term in a comfortable and familiar environment;
• this is the last chance, we need to make dreams come true and satisfy desires (applies to sex life, thrills in general, changing jobs or hobbies);
• actions and goals need to be rethought.

The first type of attitude leads to depression and passivity, forcing one to give up living a full life. The personality becomes ossified in its beliefs and habits, this interferes normal attitude to others and flexible change in changing circumstances. For people with such a sense of self, it is important to find positive goals and strength to change the external environment.

The second version of the crisis is dangerous due to excessive risk. The race for new sensations destroys the old life, family, and financial stability. Change is only useful to a certain level and requires control.

The third motive - the desire to comprehend life and draw conclusions - is characteristic of the most balanced natures and helps to overcome the critical period easily, without loss.

The psychology of men at the age of 40 perceives the crisis as a turning point, a turn towards old age and powerlessness. But correct behavior and a reasonable attitude towards changes helps to reach maturity smoothly, without breakdowns and drastic changes in social and marital status. The most important thing during this period is to analyze your actions, past and present, and forecast the situation with an analysis of probabilities.

Having a clear understanding of how life is changing and what benefits can be derived from these changes contributes to a feeling of inner peace and self-confidence.

How to overcome crisis for your own benefit?

Psychologists advise men who feel an approaching crisis to follow their impulses. However, they must be moderated to reasonable limits.

There is a feeling that a “ceiling” has been reached in your field - it’s worth trying yourself in another field. Drastically change your job, hobbies, habits. Financial stability achieved by the age of 40 will allow you to “stay afloat” if your new activity does not immediately bring success.

The wife is tired, the family does not understand and do not appreciate - in new family the situation will not change unless there is a change in the man. You can improve your appearance, health, and achievements at the age of 40; this will raise self-esteem and increase the loyalty of loved ones.

Your appearance is not satisfactory, your health is failing you - you need to pay attention to yourself, go through medical examination, change your clothing style and hairstyle, play sports.

Conclusion

The crisis of 40 years, the most dangerous in a series age-related changes human, can be overcome without problems and losses. To prevent maturity from becoming a period of continuous stress, it is important to rethink values ​​and goals in time, to pay attention to loved ones, and not just to your own problems.

With age, many things change: views on things, dreams, desires, relationships with a loved one. Women are increasingly asking the same question: “What do men want?” There is simply no concrete answer to this question, and the whole catch is that men of different ages they want completely different things.

What is typical for the behavior of a thirty-year-old is unacceptable for a fifty-year-old. The main thing is the ability to find an approach and choose a suitable key to the heart of your loved one. right moment. Yes, a lot changes over the years, but there is one desire that is inherent in men of any age - each of them wants love, support and understanding from the woman they love.

At 20 years old

At this age, men themselves cannot say what they want. The soul craves adventure, so they go in search of it. When hormones don’t allow you to think about anything other than sex, you involuntarily look for the most interesting person in the crowd. beautiful girl and you fantasize about what to do with her.

Twenty-year-old guys promise a lot to their girls, but all just to get under their skirts, because females at this age are naive and gullible. And, in principle, all women love with their ears, as you know. While girls dream about eternal love and imagine how in the distant happy future they will marry their boyfriend, they are simply experimenting. They see the lady as a mathematics textbook: nothing is clear yet, there is a lot to learn. At this age they do not need a serious relationship. They are too young, still too flighty and want to find the same girl, rather for have a good time. Young ladies in most cases they are still inexperienced. If he screws up, she won't even notice. There is nothing to compare with.

In their twenties, guys judge girls by how pretty they are. You want to look after someone like this, spend leisure time with her, show off to your friends. After a little time, the guys realize that it is stupid to judge by the cover, because they fall in love not with their appearance, but with their soul. The realization of this comes to them after several proud and independent beauties break their hearts. Although, even after this, young people do not stop looking at pretty girls. If she is not only pretty, but also smart enough, she will find an approach and be able to push him around as soon as she wants. Of course, because in our such weak women's hands There are the main levers for controlling men of any age - sex, beauty and tenderness.

At 30 years old

Statistics say that it is at this age that most men understand that they are ready to get married and want to start their own family. Let's figure out why this happens.

As mentioned above, in the twenties small years old men prefer women to satisfy their sexual needs and gain experience in communicating with the opposite sex. When a representative of the stronger sex exceeds thirty, he begins to perceive the lady as an interlocutor, a person, the mother of his future children. Sex no longer takes first place in life. I would like to think not only about my pleasure, but also about the satisfaction of my beloved.

At this age, men are divided into two types:

1st type: realize that women care not only about how sexy and good-looking a man is. They also look for qualities such as strength, intelligence, sense of humor, kindness and others. Those of them who are ready to say goodbye to youth and frivolity turn into adult, serious, real men. They experience a turning point in their thinking, a complete reassessment of values. Much that seemed important becomes empty and meaningless. It's time to settle down and think about the future. Fleeting sex with a stranger no longer seems attractive to them. There is no longer enough strength for this, and there will be no desire. I want to climb up the career ladder and improve financial position your family.

2nd type: they understand that they are absolutely not ready to say goodbye to the life in which today one woman prepares breakfast, and tomorrow another woman. Men related to this type, do not want to grow up, do not think about starting a family. They turn into inveterate bachelors who themselves do not know what they want and are in an eternal search for something... to know what exactly. They like freedom and are completely satisfied with this lifestyle. Getting close to a woman is something wild and terrible for them, because men of this type are firmly convinced that this will not lead to anything good.

At 40 years old

At this age, men often experience depression. They get bored and bored family life, and an active search begins for someone on the side. Someone who can surprise, excite and make your heart beat at breakneck speed again. At the age of forty, many have young mistresses, some use the services of prostitutes.

Men do not like to live quietly and calmly. The wife automatically loses her status desirable woman on the entire planet and turns into a person with whom you just feel good, have a lot in common, and you just want to wrap yourself in a blanket and watch your favorite TV series together.

At this age, male hormones become less violent. I rarely want sex, but, as they say, aptly. Men begin to fantasize and try in every possible way to diversify their intimate life. Regular sex in bed no longer brings the same pleasure. After a man realizes this, admits it to himself, he begins to raise such a sensitive topic in conversations with his other half. Not every forty-year-old woman will agree to experiments in bed and spontaneous sex in in public places, For example. Believe it or not, this is precisely the reason why marriages break up. A man wants variety, but a woman does not consider it necessary to bother her head with such nonsense when all her thoughts and energies are directed towards children, their future and work.

At 50 years old

Men who have reached this age have only one desire - to live calmly, without any surprises or surprises. A crisis comes, and with it another depression, accompanied by thoughts about one’s inferiority and uselessness.

The desire to have sex is present, but my health is already beginning to fail. It is at this age that many men experience problems with erection. And, as you know, it is a great shame for a man that he cannot please his chosen one.

Men begin to see in a woman best friend who will always help, support and understand. They want to be understood and not be offended strange behavior and were given time to spend it in thought, alone with oneself. They don’t want to explain a hundred times what happened and why they’re not in the mood again today. A woman with whom we have been together for many years knows how to feel internal state, and knows when to stay close and when it’s better to step aside and wait.

At 55-60 years old

Men increasingly feel the rapid and irreversible approach of old age, so they try in every possible way to prove to themselves that all is not lost and life is not over yet. To feel young and attractive again, they go in search of young beauties, the age difference with whom is almost 30-35 years. Men take them to luxurious restaurants, try in every possible way to win them over and rejoice like little children when they receive even the smallest portion of flirting from the object of their adoration. Yes, from the outside it looks like the father invited his daughter to dinner, but who cares? The main thing is that young nymphets do not remind of impending old age, and they do not throw around scary words like “prostate adenoma” and “atherosclerosis”, because they are simply not familiar with them yet.

But not all men who have crossed the age of fifty-five go looking for a young mistress. Some, on the contrary, begin to feel a special connection with their beloved wife, which they strive to strengthen in every possible way. They try in every way to please their other half, to please her with something, to ask for forgiveness for the endless antics that she has had to endure over all the years of marriage. Finally, you can get what both have long wanted - peace, travel, romance. Children have long been adults, they are already starting their own families.

Everything turned out exactly as I wanted, thanks to my beloved, who was there all the time, serving as support and support. At this age, representatives of the stronger sex experience great pleasure when they manage to simply become the reason for the smile of their woman.

The age of onset of crisis varies from 37 to 42 years - this is one of the most difficult periods in a man’s life. It is also sometimes called "forties fatal." How to survive a midlife crisis with minimal disruption? Advice from a psychologist - for men and their wives.

If the crisis of a man's thirtieth birthday mainly affects his overestimation of his social role, concerns the choice of work path, self-determination in life, and at the same time, personal life suffers much less, then at forty - this is a real disaster.

There are several reasons for this - and they are not comparable to the causes of an identity crisis.

Firstly, this is the age of summing up. If a man considers himself successful by the age of forty, that is, his social ambitions are satisfied, then he is a winner. And the winner requires a reward and a pedestal, and thunderous applause, and admiring glances. The man is a hero! His family is fine, everything is in its place. He fulfills the role of head of the family, in his opinion, perfectly. He has hobbies, his own social circle, and the external attributes of success. The world simply must admire his achievements. And who inhabits this world? Did his wife, who went with him all the way through his formation, see both his “broken nose” and despair? She has long stopped praising and admiring her husband, and treats his successes as something completely natural. Sometimes he will say: “You’re great! I should also have this...” - and will calmly continue the conversation about family needs. These are not the “copper pipes” that male pride craves, oh, not those!

Impotence for a man is the end of life, the curtain. Forever.

One day we were having a philosophical conversation with a middle-aged gentleman. We talked about the meanings of life and death. And he exclaimed: “Death! It’s natural and it awaits everyone! But it’s better to die before you realize that you can’t do it anymore! That’s what’s really scary!” He was sincere.

The man becomes withdrawn and irritated. He looks at himself in the mirror: it seems like nothing, not an old man. And in my head I hear: “Soon you will become old and weak. Hurry while there is gunpowder in the flasks.” And he's in a hurry...

Desperately rushes to restore health, sometimes causing harm to himself. This makes him even more scared. And if you consider that testosterone, the hormone of aggressiveness, splashes into the blood in large volumes during stress, then you can easily imagine the situation in the home of an aging man. No one seems to care enough. And the wife, as a rule, becomes the scapegoat.

At the age of forty, all suffering in a man is concentrated on his potency and intimate achievements. Self-identification suffers, because, as you and I already know, the phallus for him is a symbol of success and victory, well-being and masculine strength.

He is absolutely sure that his relationship with his wife has outlived its usefulness, his feelings have evaporated, and only duty remains. A sense of duty is what inspires a man the least in his forties. A sense of duty can't do it happy, rather the opposite. Therefore, during a crisis, a man claims that his wife tortured him, it is she who does not give him the opportunity to breathe full breasts and feel young. The marital bed grows cold. And the wife is “to blame” for this too.

A man feels that no one understands him, he is endlessly lonely, everyone needs something from him, but no one needs him. He can become sentimental, shed tears. The very fact of tears, self-pity and sentimentality become for a man a sign of intolerable misfortune. “If I cried, then life is really terrible.”

The following text can be printed out and attached with a magnet to the refrigerator, so as not to bother your spouse with “composing” the reasons for dissatisfaction and disappointment.

• You have become unsexy and uninteresting. Like a man in a skirt.
• There is nothing to talk about with you, you have no interests except household chores and your girlfriends.
• You no longer understand me, I am completely alone in my family.
• You don’t play sports, so you look blurry and flabby.
• You are only busy with your career and rags.
• You are treating me like a consumer.
• I need freedom, and you are constantly spying on me.
• I worked all my life, now I want to live for myself.
• There are a lot of problems at home, this is how you raised your children! I was busy with work, earning money. It’s unclear what you were doing.
• You always talk to me with metal in your voice.
• I'm an idiot for putting up with all this! I have one life!
• Don't pester me with stupid questions! You still won't understand what's wrong with me.

The changes that a man craves at the age of forty already concern the foundations of his well-established life. This is an escape from a prison where a witch rules the roost. And there are so many beautiful and kind fairies around! This is the breaking of everything familiar and established, this is the thirst for a “different life.” Truly different!

Middle age is when you can still do everything you did before, but you prefer not to do it.

The male crisis of forty years is a ten-magnitude earthquake. The man is going crazy. Everything is going wrong, the thirst for freedom is off the charts. Neither work nor usual hobbies can save you. Everything is devalued. All that matters is the last car of the departing train, which you can jump into while it is moving. And the man jumps!

Yes, it is at forty that a man thirsts romantic relationships, “high feelings”, sincere acceptance of oneself, without any claims or reservations. In this respect, he is like a teenager and thinks and feels just as anxious and vague.

At the age of forty, having become more sentimental and vulnerable, a man does not just have affairs to test his sexual viability. No! He falls in love! He needs understanding and unconditional acceptance. His soul requires inspiration, as in his youth. And this can only be given by a woman who is not like his wife.

There is another interesting point here. If a man’s testosterone level begins to decrease by the age of forty, and this is what makes him more sensitive and sentimental, then a woman, on the contrary, becomes more self-confident and stronger. And a man needs soul mate, tender and sensual. It is such a woman that becomes sexually attractive to him. And the man begins to feel that he will never return to his family. Who would voluntarily return to prison!

It is during this period that the peak of divorces occurs. If a man divorced and created new family- with the good fairy, of course - after some time he will begin to compare her with " old wife", try to create a copy of it.

I have encountered situations that were more like theater of the absurd than real life. From them you can see what kind of confusion occurs in a man’s head.

“We got married in our fifth year at the institute, we were both a little over twenty. We grew up professionally together. Then a daughter and a son appeared one after another. My wife was more involved with the children than with her career. And all my life I worked, worked, worked... We lived together for twenty years old. My wife became like a mother. We live like close relatives. But we are still young! Life became gray. I understand that these new feelings will probably end someday, too. What if they don’t? But I don’t want to leave my family for twenty years. I’m ashamed in front of my children, they won’t understand how I’ll leave them all. ? So I’m torn to pieces. I can’t see my wife. She knows everything. I can’t look my children in the eyes, I’m ashamed of the thought of leaving my family. I’m torn into pieces there. crazy, and despair, and shame, and the impossibility of living like this anymore... All in one bottle. How can I sort all this out? Maybe everything will somehow resolve itself?"

And this person sincerely believes that he can somehow sort everything out, everything will fall into place by itself. And the wolves will be fed, and the sheep will be safe. He may even tell his wife, who has learned about his mistress: “Why are you so worried! I’m not going to marry her! I’m not leaving the family. Give me a little freedom!”

And he says this, confusing his forty with sixteen, and his wife with his mother. His wife decides that her husband has either gone crazy or lost both his mind and conscience.

In reality, the husband really needs the support and help of his wife, but does not know how to ask for it, how to explain the terrible thing that is happening to him. Because a man behaves aggressively and inexplicably, he is responded to by being judged and pushed away. The crisis will end someday, but the suffering man has no idea about it. His problem is “forever.”

Discussion

Hi all. Now I’m already 40. I entered this stage half a year ago.
I am sharing with you women how this happens for men (for me).
For what? I don't know, maybe it will help someone.
It seems like there is a lot: a house, an apartment, a car, good wife, two beloved children. Normal job with good income.
We have been living in perfect harmony for 15 years. Rare disputes. A couple of scandals over the years. No change.
But the number 40 is really scary. And indeed, thoughts appear on their own about what you have achieved, that old age is just around the corner.
And most importantly, how much do I have left? No, don't live. How many more years can I have? How many years will they still want me? Today (almost like 15 years ago) you can fall in love with almost any girl. What about tomorrow? Here comes old age. How many women have I seen in my life? 10? 15? probably so. And I was only able to truly satisfy a couple of them. It is to SATISFIE a woman! This is true pleasure in sex! What about the wife? You ask me. But I couldn’t with my wife. I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried. So try! You say back. Tired. There were many attempts and aspirations. Especially when I was younger. Log. Bad word. I love and respect my wife. Log. 3-5 years after the wedding. And no matter how you rub, don’t lick. No passion, no emotions, no screams, moans, no activity at all! There is a “machine”, a lifeless machine, always available. This is not interesting. A man wants to achieve, create and conquer heights.
At some point I thought: - maybe only I need this sex? He went to the first floor to sleep. And I wait, when will she, my beloved, want to love me? I waited half a year, maybe a year. And he didn’t wait. He came and “rested” on his “machine”. And as always, no passion, nothing, exactly. I have been sleeping on the first floor for 3-5 years. And I don’t want to go where I’m not welcome. I come in when I feel unbearable. 5-10 minutes and free. Is there any point in taking it longer when they’re not waiting for me there?
So what's next? And then I remembered the number with which I was incredibly happy, half a year for sure, crazy sex. He accepted that number and consoled me. I was ready to leave my family. To another family, with three children. Stopped me, my new love, rubbed her eyes and explained. What if I lose everything I have? The wife doesn't know. What next??? And then the same midlife crisis. And I don’t want a wife (anymore). Again, look for an opportunity to conquer your “loved ones” on the side? DON'T KNOW. I can say about my wife: she is gold! in everything. And with children. And around the house. Everywhere.

P.S. Dear women! Hold your husband's dick tightly. Don't be afraid of this word, in every possible sense. Give it 100%! Don't hold yourself back in anything! Throw all unnecessary thoughts out of your head. Be passionate. INSATIABLE! Demand more and more every day, three basins a day. Anywhere. Pose. GIVE UP! HELP, participate in the process. (hear correctly, I do not require perversion). Give your man the opportunity to truly satisfy you. Don't imitate. Especially if you haven’t, you don’t know how. Lying is unacceptable. Caress. Caress everything. Get happiness, pleasure, satisfaction! Try. Let yourself loose. Get an orgasm! together with her husband. This is important to him!
If you can take your husband firmly by the balls. Not one husband will ever leave! He is not in danger of a midlife crisis. Even if the cabbage soup is undercooked or the sheets are not ironed.

My husband’s crisis began at 43, now he is 44. We started building our house 4 years ago, my husband moved there, lives in it, builds and works not far from the house, but in a different city from his family (we have been married for 18 years, two children). A young friend (27 years old) appeared, helps with the construction, and is always nearby. My children and I only went on weekends. My husband became very distant from us, changed his hairstyle, began to dress more youthfully, like this friend, began to constantly spend time on the phone, began to take photographs, post photos on Instagram. And this summer, in response to my bewilderment, he generally said that he no longer loved me and would never have sex with me. If you want, get a divorce. The house was built for a family, but who needs it now? I feel that this friend is giving a lot of advice to my husband and escalating the situation. I don’t understand why? My husband has always been independent, but here he listens to some snotty boy. Is this a crisis? And he doesn't understand what he can go through? What should I do? And how long does this crisis usually last?

12/17/2018 00:57:56, Vera Shpak

Try giving your husband something for potency, and you won’t have any problems. And he won’t leave for his mistress) That you are like small children. Are there not enough resources in this world? Buy a Detonator or blue tablet dispensers.

11/11/2018 07:41:25, Neumekha35

Serves you right, women! From the first day of your life together, you look at your husbands as an ATM, in return not giving him anything other than sex that is monotonous and rare as rain in the desert. I’m 30, I have a 4-year-old son, we’re not having a second one, because I’m waiting for the first one to grow up so I can divorce this nun and live the remaining 30-40 years with a beautiful, loving wife, and not a boring, stupid, ugly aunt.

10/12/2018 18:33:07, Killer

It is advisable not only to admire, but also to help and support him. When my husband and I began to have an intimate breakdown, I sent him to a doctor, who advised how to improve potency. My husband took Effectex Tribulus and went on vacation. We returned as rejuvenated newlyweds. Even children notice changes in our relationships.

02/13/2018 17:52:04, Krotova Zhanna

My husband left a week ago. He was tossing around inside very much. He didn’t want to leave. When I caught him on a dating site, he began to lie and get out. I caught him completely by accident, I never followed him. I believed him as myself. We went through a lot together. But I don’t tolerate lies and got the truth. He told me that he was not interested in me as a woman, only as a friend. And he also started having last years problems with potency. Now he’s looking for young women. Every day he sits on the Internet at any free moment. It’s like he’s gone crazy. I kicked him out of the house, deleted him from all contacts so as not to call him back, because I understand that this is sexless - he’s like a zombie. Now I'm quietly going crazy. I don't want to live.

04/21/2017 17:17:30, Yulia Vaseyeva

Oh girls, this article will help you... You have to admire a man! Well, how will the rest go?

04/25/2016 21:27:36, Daria88de

I’ll leave my comment... In my opinion, this “writing” carries exclusively a rhetorical load, i.e. it does not give specific answers to this problem, but helps to understand the scale of events. The solution to the problem depends on your own prudence and wisdom.

It’s funny to read when a woman talks about how a man feels in his crisis. Moreover, from the tone of the presentation, one can guess that the author herself is faced with a male crisis in her life and feels like the injured party.
I am a man. I'm soon 40 years old. Author - you still don’t understand anything about men.

But what should wives do in such a situation?

Oh, what poor men! What should women do? Only what is good for a man? What about our feelings and experiences?

10/31/2013 14:58:21, Anechka08

Comment on the article "Midlife crisis: when a man ruins everything. What to do?"

About the crisis of 40 years. Psychology. Family relationships. In the crisis of fifty years, a man rarely leaves his wife for his mistress. Paid Survey for men and women 35 -50 l. Parents with at least one child between 12 and 20 years of age.

They say that men at the age of forty experience some kind of midlife crisis)) I heard this, but does it happen to women? She’s happy to this day, she’s getting younger every year, she says, only here in Russia women after 35 consider themselves grandmothers, and here comes this...

Discussion

For me, auntie is 10 times well done! They don’t run away from a good man in any crisis, so the mustache in the guise of a fireman came in handy. Well, let's start new life after 40 - this is wonderful, the envy of those who are sour in everyday life and the most that does is a trend on the internet.

It’s like menopause, it blows the roof off and there’s a basement)))

My husband is in crisis for 35 years? Wife and husband. Family relationships. The situation is this - 10 years of marriage (in a couple of months), we are over 30, a kindergarten child, outwardly simple perfect family, but I don’t know how to explain, at the level of subconsciousness and some external manifestations my husband got...

Discussion

So with the tearful girl talking "Vykhi" and the one who insists on watching no matter what, as long as it’s in the bedroom, she won’t want anything.

The crisis is not with the husband, and not with the marriage, the crisis is with you. First of all, you need to wise up.

maybe he's just unwell.

Middle age crisis. How to be?. Foreign 7th. Life of Russians abroad: emigration, visa, work, mentality, raising children. We had a kind, good, warm family for 20 years. We have children who need it. Yes, I don’t want a divorce, but that’s not all.

Discussion

No, really, I’m just “joining the question.” Here they say that 40-year-old men are reluctant to fuck 40-year-old women; younger ones can always be found. I myself have already begun to guess that I am going into circulation, and my husband will be in his prime for another 10-20 years. So what to do? I can't get any younger...

09/13/2011 04:11:57, Lena P.

I survived 37 years in the classic husband’s life, but his main topic was: “what have I achieved by the age of 40.” but basically there were no complaints against me. Well, there were several major scandals when I tried to bring him back to reality; during periods of my husband’s special despair, I had to babysit him. but there was no such thing that he ever reproached me for something.

it all ended with a move to Singapore (from America), where he was satisfied with the salary and position.

Yeah, my husband also sang a song to me about the crisis of 40 years, when I pestered him with offers to talk. Middle age crisis. Does it only happen to men? Or women too? Yesterday we bought candy for the children. I haven't even tried one. not a fan, that's all...

Discussion

Sorry, if it’s not quite “at the box office”, I came across a text about a midlife crisis that is more applicable to women...
And, however, I think you can glean something from here:
“In general, a midlife crisis is the norm. No one escapes it. It’s just that intellectually developed people experience it more clearly. If you dig deep, any human fear is the fear of death. But in our youth, we believe that time is endless, and we spend it left and right. And suddenly at some point you clearly understand: life is finite and you need to somehow justify your existence, find exactly your goal, your Destination. I woke up with this thought at 35 years old at three in the morning.
So, banal physiology, multiplied by “extra” brains. But since I have them, it’s worth using them and abusing my official powers to figure out how to survive the crisis with less losses and more benefit.
– What to do then if you are already “covered”?
– Many people radically change their lives at this moment. Unexpected divorces, change of job or status frequently external signs midlife crisis. Such “throws” should not be considered a panacea. But think about it - is this what you are doing? - costs. Just like resolving accumulated problems with loved ones. Everyone has their own story of disappointment. To keep this burden from hanging, pay off your debts. The easiest way: meet those people who hold you most strongly in the past - they offended us or we offended them."
http://love.behappy.ru/documents/kriz

For me, this crisis began from the age of 16 until now. Anyway, there is always someone more successful. try to restore his self-confidence using a method visual comparisons. Go on vacation to some remote place, where people don’t even dream of owning a car, just to earn a piece of bread. and no Canaries

A decrease in testosterone manifests itself, by the way, not only and not so much in a decrease in potency (it may not affect it), but in a depressed state, nervous breakdowns, weight gain...
I gleaned all this from my long-ago interview with a good andrologist...
But this can be treated with testosterone drugs, such as Andriol, and there are several others - but here you need a doctor to prescribe...

The question is rhetorical. Psychology. Male midlife crisis: men after 40 years - family life / or lover. They smoke either KS King Size (regular thick cigarettes), or QS Queen Size (Compact) - regular length, slightly thinner in width. a lot of stamps 40 min 800 rub...

Discussion

I have something with early youth I formed the opinion: I’ll get married when I really want it, when I fall in love, etc., and not when they tell me “I have to.” And already when I was 19 years old, many began: “Well, are you going to get married? No?? You don’t want to??? Well, how is that?” One acquaintance told me that before he came to see me, he was visiting another friend of his, she was 20, and she was so exhausted: “I’m already old, no one will marry me, I can’t find a husband...”. I really don’t understand this logic. Well, why do you need a husband as the very fact of having a husband?? Brrr... Live for yourself, enjoy life, if you meet someone with whom you want to be with in life, you check this by living together, then you can already get married... which is exactly what happened to me, but much earlier than I assumed :)))

Most likely, this is not due to the absence of a husband, but to the absence of children. No one pitied divorced mothers or considered them deprived. Previously, the connection between marriage and child was clear, the concept " civil marriage"was absent as such. Therefore, a woman without a husband was considered childless (and not everyone decided to give birth without a stamp), hence the pity. Now, in my opinion, the presence of a husband or a stamp in a passport does not mean anything, the same factor plays a role" childhood."