Separation makes or breaks relationships. How will a long separation affect the relationship? Spouses should travel together on a long business trip

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The word "separation" even sounds sad. It makes you want to howl at the moon, drink whiskey and listen to the sad songs of Alena Apina. But temporary separations are sometimes inevitable. This is due to business trips, different vacation times or different vacation plans. And if we cannot change the situation, then, as all film psychologists advise, we need to change our attitude towards it. Let's get on with it right now and start looking for the positive aspects of temporary separation from our loved one.

If we spend most of our time with our loved ones, then, when we are left alone, we immediately ask ourselves the question: what should we actually do? Option "howl at the moon, drink whiskey and listen to the sad songs of Alena Apina" We immediately and uncompromisingly reject it. Separation is a great time to do all the things we never had time to do. No, our loved one, of course, does not forbid us to engage in our personal affairs, but free time is a limited resource, and we have to make choices all the time. And usually, for obvious reasons, it is done in favor of a loved one. During the period of temporary separation, we can go dancing, meet with friends, read books and watch those films that our husband would not watch with us even at gunpoint. If we remember all our interests, hobbies and things postponed due to strong love, it turns out that the time of separation can be spent so richly that there will be no time to even be bored.

In addition, temporary separation is a good reason to reflect on your own life. In a strong couple, life goals are often set not from the position of “I”, but from the position of “we”. But the “I” does not go away, and the harmonious development of relationships does not exclude personal growth and development. Think about what exactly you want from your life and from your career, what you would like to change. Write down your desires and plans for a year, five years, fifteen years. Perhaps right now, when no one is distracting you, you will make an ideological breakthrough, set new goals for yourself and begin to move towards achieving them. After all, setting a goal is the first and most important step to success.

Finally, separation is an opportunity to get bored. When we are together all the time, we often take relationships for granted, get irritated over little things and quarrel over trifles. There’s no escape from this, it’s human nature to not appreciate what we have. Breaking up reminds us of the strength of our feelings and how lucky we are to have met “the one.” As the English playwright and poet wrote Joseph Addison: "The depth of love is known only during separation." Well, indeed, if there were no separations, we would not have to experience the incredible joy of new meetings.

But I am inclined to disagree with another thinker. Karl Marx(however, many of his ideas are questioned today) argued: "Temporary separation is useful because constant communication creates the appearance of monotony." In my opinion, if people are truly interesting to each other, then their lives will be exciting and varied and without separation. It is precisely this kind of rich and interesting relationship that I wish for you. And if temporary separation is inevitable, you need to spend it with benefit: both for yourself and for the relationship.

Do you have to part with your loved one for a while? Are you having a hard time with separation? Do you think a temporary separation can be beneficial for a relationship?

Does forced separation strengthen relationships?

An English proverb says: love grows stronger in absence. Writers and philosophers say and affirm the same truth that separation is only good for relationships.

Parting, lack of certain types of communication: the Internet, telephone and what we use in our age of technology is an assistant in determining your feelings for each other. If, after a long separation, your man or woman remains with you without much communication, consider that your relationship has passed a good test and you have found a real companion or companion for life.

What are we still afraid of?

Why can separation scare us so much? Firstly, everything is very simple, we are afraid that our soulmate will switch to someone else. And perhaps he will return only to simply pick up his things. Is it worth worrying too much about the current situation? Think soberly... There is no point in worrying here, even though the situation is not entirely pleasant. Think about whether your companion loved and respected you and your feelings, that he so easily switched to another object, no, his or her feelings for you have gone away a long time ago and you just have to thank the person who spread his love networks in front of your companion. After all, the feeling no longer existed.

Second- you are so lost in your loved one that you no longer know what to do in his or her absence. And you will remember what kind of person you were when you weren’t together, what you did, what you loved to do. Perhaps you studied some language, went to the gym, visited the pool, loved reading books, some kind of handicraft, etc. there are a lot of things to do. Remember what exactly attracted you and occupy yourself with some favorite activity during the absence of your other half.

In what situations can separation be justified...

....fatigue. Yes, maybe we are tired of each other. Some couples for a long time do not separate at all for a long time; if they go somewhere, it is only together, they spend all their time together, and never go anywhere alone. As a rule, such relationships when you cannot look at each other enough and it seems that the world around you does not exist, there is only you and leads to general fatigue. There is nothing terrible about this, you just didn’t go too far and were too full of each other. Now the time has come when you should give each other more freedom. On the weekend, don’t plan to go somewhere together, you go for a walk with your friends, and he goes with his friends.

.......what if the interests do not coincide. Yes, this happens even between spouses who have lived together for many years. What can you do if it's time for vacation, you want to go to some resort, and your spouse wants to go kayaking. Yes, here the interests may not coincide, you are adults and all the same, your interests may be different, so in such a situation everyone can relax separately, doing their favorite thing.

......and if duty calls. In a situation where separation is related to work, nothing can be done. Your husband works as a shift worker, and you may be a flight attendant, or on some kind of business trip, or are being sent for advanced training. Situations may be different when it is because of work matters that you may separate for a while. There's nothing you can do about it; after all, it won't last forever.

What to do to make separation easier to bear

• Nowadays, even during separation, you can be close. Cellular communications, the Internet, Skype, all these means of communication will help you communicate with each other. Set a certain time in the evening when you will chat on Skype, and in the morning agree to send SMS messages, so you will feel the closeness of your loved one.
• Even from a distance, make general plans. Discuss what you will do when you meet, where you will go, or maybe, on the contrary, you will want to be just the two of you at home, or throw some kind of party in honor of your return.
• Don't skimp on your emotions. Be sure to say how much you miss each other, how much you love each other. Talk about your feelings as often as possible, this will also bring you closer.
• Do not test each other under any circumstances. Intrusive calls demanding constant reports. Where were you? What did you do? etc. it will only be annoying. You wouldn't like it if you were controlled like that. Control must be reasonable. At best, such suspicions will cause indignation, and the worst case scenario will be that he has done something wrong, since you are already scolding him.

Due to the nature of my work, I regularly went on business trips for about 7 years. These could be either one-day trips or long trips, lasting more than one or two months. At that time, my husband and I were just starting our life together, and this became a good test of our feelings.

There were a lot of telephone conversations, text messages, tears because it was no longer possible to endure the separation, and of course, joy at the moments of long-awaited meetings.

Having gone through this stage, I realized for myself that for loving people, there are pros and cons to breaking up.

What can be positive about being separated from a loved one?

Of course, distance provides an opportunity to re-evaluate relationships. You immediately understand how bad it would be if he weren’t around. This ignites feelings with renewed vigor. The desire to confess your love comes again. Inspiration appears to make nice gifts.

And the emotions in those moments when we saw each other after a long time are difficult to convey in words.

At the same time, being left alone with myself, I myself changed. I had to become more independent and responsible. It developed me as a person.

At first it was hard, but later my new qualities began to have a positive effect on our relationship. My husband feels better that I can now take on some of the decisions.

What are the dangers of separation from your loved one?

Since I was leaving and my dear one was staying at home, the situation looked completely different for us.

I had new acquaintances, new places, a change of scenery. Yes, I felt sad and lonely when I returned from work or went to bed. But mostly the emotions from traveling kept me from moping.

At the same time, for my, at that time still future husband, everything remained as before. Except I wasn't there. He came home alone, had dinner and breakfast alone. An ordinary life, burdened by loneliness.

So when I returned home, our moods did not coincide. He was depressed in a series of monotonous affairs. I came inspired by new impressions.

This resonance was reflected in relationships in the first days after arrival. I wanted another portion of emotions, but he couldn’t give it because he was mentally exhausted.

I am very glad that for such a long time, the question of betrayal did not arise for us. Although in such situations this often happens. Lovers, without seeing each other for a long time, can grow cold. There is more time to communicate with other people. And a lonely person in a company always attracts the opposite sex.

During this period, it became clear to me that in order to maintain a long-distance relationship, it is imperative to keep in touch: call or text every day. Undoubtedly, give positive emotions. And then relationships are not afraid of any distance.

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Can separation strengthen relationships or does it only destroy them? Experts say that separation extinguishes the weak flame of love and fans a big fire. Which suggests that you should not avoid breakups, as they are an excellent way to test the strength and consistency of love. And after every separation there is always a meeting. If you were able to survive it together, then this person is right for you. We often picture to ourselves how a person who is far from us is struggling there with temptations. But in reality this is far from the case, and will you need a life partner who does not value your relationship?

In the case where the fear is the fear of losing your loved one, and also the fact that you have nowhere to go without him, then this is not good. This means that you have completely devoted yourself to this man and you need urgent help in getting yourself back. Remember what hobbies you used to have, get a forgotten book, textbook, and so on. Invite old friends over.

To avoid going crazy while apart, communicate by mobile phone, email or Skype. Make it a habit to have a Skype date at the same time every day. Even a long separation can be made short if you wait and believe in a future meeting.

It is a well-known fact that life together can resemble magic only at first. Over time, accumulated difficulties can fill your love with a huge burden. The duration of separation in the form of testing the relationship depends on the length of the relationship itself. It is clear that a newly arrived couple cannot be without each other for even a minimal amount of time without experiencing a feeling of melancholy. Couples who have lived together for many years may test their feelings by being apart for a long time.
Be that as it may, separation is considered a test of a couple’s strength, since the special magic of love and tenderness that affects the other half becomes weaker with time and distance. And in this case, it is very important not to give in to chance and go with the flow, but to take many measures in order to be able to say that separation actually makes the relationship stronger.

• do not think or accuse your other half of infidelity if there is no reason for it. Otherwise, coding for a certain behavior occurs, hence infidelity.
• give your loved one some item of yours on the road so that it always reminds you of you. For example, it could be a photograph, a trinket, a pen, or some object that connects you both and gives you shared memories. A person automatically reaches for something familiar. This becomes most noticeable in an unusual environment, for example, on a business trip.
• maintain a distance of ritual behavior. For example, saying “I love you,” asking how your day was, what successes you had, and supporting you in case of failure. In other words, do the same things you did when you were together. Today, there are many communications that can provide significant assistance in this regard. Many couples, having used them, do not even feel separation. Which allows us to say with confidence that in this case, separation, if it does not strengthen the relationship, does not make it weaker.
• try to avoid reasons for jealousy in the person who is leaving, since it has practically nothing to do with love.

They say absence strengthens feelings. The lovers are bored, worried and looking forward to meeting each other. After separation, their feelings are even stronger and stronger. But they also say that separation kills love. The lovers cool down, get used to living apart, and when they meet, they realize that they have become strangers. So where is the truth?

His opinion

Vyacheslav, 26 years old, system administrator:

From my personal experience, I can say with confidence that separation not only strengthens feelings, but can even save relationships. It so happened that my girlfriend and I decided to live together after just two weeks of dating. It was truly love at first sight, we couldn’t get enough of each other and spent all our time together. We stopped communicating with friends, preferring a joint evening to communicating with other people. Every weekend, every vacation, every day - only together.

Two years of idyll passed very quickly, and the time of satiety came. Life turned into an eternal quarrel, it began to seem that love had passed, but we could not believe it. Then we decided to take radical measures: not see each other for several months. I went to my parents in St. Petersburg, my girlfriend stayed in Moscow. For greater efficiency, we agreed not to even call each other.

There was a risk, but for the sake of preserving our relationship it was worth taking. At first it was very difficult: I wanted to hear her voice, to come at least for a day, but I endured. All our torment was more than rewarded. When I returned to Moscow, our meeting was amazing, everything returned to normal. Three years passed after that, we got married and are happily married. But now, taught by bitter experience, we no longer make such mistakes and periodically take a break from each other.

Kirill, 40 years old, engineer:

Complex issue. It is possible that feelings become stronger when you are apart, but I have never experienced this firsthand. I don't really want to check anything. After my first girlfriend did not wait for me to leave the army, the desire for this kind of experiment disappeared completely. It seems to me that by nature, most women are very flighty; they easily find replacements for the men they recently loved.

For a woman to be faithful to you, you must always be in her field of vision. Otherwise, she will become sad and begin to pour out all her ardor and passion on someone who will be closer than you. Maybe I'm wrong, but this is my opinion, and I have never been separated from my wife for more than a couple of days. Why tempt a person?

Alexander, 32 years old, photographer:

It depends on the separation. A few months spent apart will naturally make the heart beat joyfully when they meet and make the hugs stronger. But a few years are a completely different story. In such a long period of time, you can not only forget a person, but also start a new life. I very much doubt that a normal person in a sober mind is capable of loving another without seeing him for 5 years!

Her opinion

Polina, 35 years old, dog handler:

Maybe for some people the separation strengthened their feelings, but for me everything happened exactly the opposite. About five years ago, my husband was given a very lucrative offer: a promotion with subsequent career growth and a huge increase in salary. There was only one drawback: for two years I had to work a thousand miles from home, in Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk.

We gathered for a family council: on one side of the scale is our life together, on the other is material well-being. In the end, after shedding a lot of tears, we decided that our love was able to withstand this separation and we should not refuse the offer. My husband went to Sakhalin. For the first six months, he flew to visit me several times a month, those were happy, joyful days. It seemed that the separation really made our feelings even stronger. But it didn’t seem that way for very long.

After about seven months, my husband stopped coming at all, citing a busy schedule, then he began to call less often, then he disappeared altogether. I couldn’t find a place for myself, he didn’t answer my calls, I didn’t know what to think! One day he told me that he was filing for divorce. He has a woman, she is expecting a child, and they are going to get married. Here's to strengthening your feelings...

Valeria, 30 years old, assistant financial director:

There is nothing to think about here! Separation strengthens strong feelings, and destroys weak ones. True love can pass any test, and separation, in my opinion, is not the hardest of them. By the way, this way you can check your feelings. If you have doubts about their authenticity, you can separate for a while and listen to yourself; separation will put everything in its place.

Natalya, 22 years old, student:

My relationship with a young man, one might say, began precisely with separation. We met on the Internet, in one of the chat rooms. We talked for a very long time without seeing each other, gradually fell in love with the words on the screen and the invented images in our souls. When we met, we were not at all disappointed. We have been together for several years, but we meet very rarely. I live in the Moscow region, he lives in Sochi. He comes to me for a couple of weeks for the New Year, I rest with him for several months in the summer. But separation does not make our feelings weaker; we look forward to every new meeting!

Opinion of the stars

VLADIMIR KUZMIN, singer, composer:

One of the reasons why all my previous relationships with women were upset was separation. That’s why everything is different with my current wife Katya. We have not been apart for more than a few hours for almost five years. We do everything together: we go on tour, read the same books, watch movies, communicate with the same people. If you love, you must always keep the spark alive.

ELENA KHANGA, TV presenter:

Love at a distance is possible if loving people maintain a thread of communication. My husband often goes on long business trips. And I’m sure that daily long conversations on the phone play a huge role in the fact that we don’t grow cold towards each other. I tell him what I had on the program, at home, I share, I consult constantly, no matter where he is in the world. Our phone bills are exorbitant because of this, but they are worth it.

Try not to let even the longest separation ruin your relationship. Lack of love can lead to poor health. Professor of Sociology Schulz from the University of Bielefald, in the course of research, found that those who are not in a love relationship are more likely than lucky people in love to suffer from headaches, circulatory problems, stomach cramps, nervousness and insomnia. And the heart also needs love. Professor Abramov from Israel claims that single women are more susceptible to heart disease than their happy friends.

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