The family is the unit of society. Common interests and family affairs

The fact that the happiness of a full-fledged family in our time has become the lot of a few is not surprising. The science of building a family has been forgotten. It's like with ancient crafts. Let’s say that the Aztec tribes once knew how to build walls from huge stones. Now no one can lift such stones with anything, so no one can build such walls. The rules of building a family are also forgotten.

The difference between family and ancient crafts is that a stone wall can be replaced with a concrete one. Although it won’t last that long, it will serve. But there is nothing to replace family. Few people can be happy alone. Other forms of union between two people have shown that they are no match for a traditional family.

The family has enormous advantages over all other forms of arranging love relationships: the opportunity for all family members to be happy, the opportunity to maintain love indefinitely, the opportunity to raise children as full-fledged, harmonious individuals.

Why are we talking about possibility - because a person is free to destroy any of his business. But at least in the family there is a chance to achieve all these benefits, the highest benefits available to man. And in such forms of relationships as “guest marriage”, “civil marriage”, homosexual “marriage”, the chances are thousands of times less.

To start a family, you need to know how to build one. This is a big, serious science. In this chapter we will consider only some of the fundamental aspects of the art of building a family.

The main goal of family life

If you ask young people who are not yet married what the purpose of starting a family is, most likely they will answer something like this: “Well, what is the purpose? Two people love each other and want to be together!”

In principle, the answer is good. The only problem is that there is a long distance from “wanting to be together” to “being able to be together.” If you start a family with the sole purpose of “being together,” a moment like this is almost inevitable, as shown in many films. He and she are lying in the same bed, she is sleeping, and he is thinking. And so, looking at the body sleeping next to him, he wonders: “What is this completely stranger to me doing here? Why am I living with him? And can't find answers. This moment may come after ten years of marriage, maybe earlier, but it will come. The question “WHY?” will rise to its full, enormous height. But it will be too late. I should have asked myself this question earlier.

Imagine you have a friend. This person is interesting to you. You invite him to go on a trip with you. If he agrees, naturally, you will outline the purpose of the trip - among the different places where you can go, you will choose the most attractive, in the opinion of the two of you.

It happens that people feel so good with each other that they are ready to board any plane, ship or train that comes along. And this is wonderful in its own way. But what are the chances that this plane, boat or train will take you to as good a place as you can consciously designate? Maybe you will come to some bandit region, where your friend will simply be killed, and you will be left alone? After all, real life, unlike dreamy life, is full of dangers.

Family life is also like a journey. How can you go into it without setting any goal? Not only should there be a goal, it should be high enough and significant enough that you can work towards this goal all your life. Otherwise, you will achieve this goal in a certain number of years - and automatically your journey together will end. Whether after this you will be able to come up with a new goal and whether this person will agree to go with you on a new journey is still a question.

For this reason, another common goal of family life—to give birth and raise children—cannot be the main one either. You give birth to children, raise them, and as soon as they become adults, your marriage is over. He fulfilled his function. It can end in divorce or continue to exist as a living corpse... A real family, thanks to the right goal, never becomes a corpse.

A goal in travel is absolutely necessary for one more reason. Until you determine the purpose of the trip, you will not understand what qualities your companion should have. If you are traveling, say, for a beach holiday, a person with the same talents and skills will suit you. If you’re on a road trip through ancient cities, go with others. If you go hiking in the mountains - third. Otherwise, you will be bored on the beach, there will be no one to drive the car when traveling around the cities, and in the mountains with an unreliable friend you may even die.

Without knowing what the purpose of family life is, you will not be able to correctly evaluate your prospective partner. How good is he to walk with him exactly the path that is planned? “Like” is an absolutely necessary, but far from sufficient quality of the chosen one. How many disappointments, broken lives due to the false belief that in a loving relationship, reason is an ugly atavism! On the contrary: without using reason, you cannot preserve love.

So what is the purpose that makes a family real?

The highest goal of a family is love.

Yes, family is a school of love. In a real family, love increases from year to year. Thus, the family is an institution ideal for people to achieve their true, only true meaning in life - to achieve perfect love.

As we have already said, according to a number of psychologists, love begins after 10-15 years of married life. Let's not take these numbers too seriously, since everyone is different, and measuring love is not so easy. The meaning of these numbers is that love is achieved in the family, and not immediately.

As Mikhail Prishvin said, “True life is the life of a person in connection with his loved ones: alone a person is a criminal, either towards the intellect, or towards the bestial instinct.” To simplify, a person alone is almost always an egoist. He only has the ability to take care of himself. Living in close communication with other people forces him to think about others, sometimes to abandon his interests for the sake of the interests of those around him. And the closest communication is between spouses. We get to know a person very closely, with all his shortcomings, and despite his shortcomings, we try to continue to love him. Moreover, we strive to love him as ourselves and generally overcome the division into “I” and “you”, learning to think from the position of “we”. To do this, we have to overcome our selfishness, our shortcomings.

The ancient sage said: “One does not argue with those who deny the fundamentals.” When spouses have the same goal, it is much easier for them to agree with each other: they have a common basis. And what a basis! If the measure of all our big and small actions is whether we act out of love or not, and whether our action leads to an increase or decrease in love, we act truly beautifully and wisely.

When we begin to understand things correctly, we discover that the world is whole, beautiful and harmonious: the purpose of the family is completely consistent with the purpose of human life! This means that the family was invented in order to help a person achieve his main goal. God divided people into men and women to make it easier for us to love each other.

A family consists of two adults

Only two adults, independent people can form a family. One of the indicators of adulthood is overcoming dependence on parents and separation from them.

We are talking not only about material dependence, but, above all, about psychological dependence. If at least one of the spouses continues to be emotionally dependent on one of the parents, it is not possible to create a full-fledged family. Especially big problems arise for the sons and daughters of single mothers: single mothers often establish a strong, painful connection with their children and do not want to let their child go even when he has already registered his marriage.

Basic functions of the family

Loving and being loved is the main human need. And the easiest way to implement it is in the family. But for the well-being of the family, it is necessary that the remaining needs of the spouses, the fulfillment of which relates to the functions of the family, be realized. The functions of the family, which is quite obvious, include such tasks as giving birth and raising children, meeting the material needs of the family (house, food, clothing), solving household problems (repairs, washing, cleaning, buying groceries, cooking, etc. .), and also, what is less obvious, communication, emotional support for each other, leisure.

It happens that, focusing on some of the functions of the family, spouses lose sight of other functions. This leads to imbalance and problems. After all, even such a seemingly secondary function of the family as leisure, is of considerable importance, since it helps to replenish the “energy” balance of the family. A family in which everyone is constantly busy performing material and household functions, and performs these functions excellently, but does not relax together, may encounter unexpected problems.

Many Western researchers say that the most important thing to maintain a relationship is communication- the ability of two people to talk to each other heart to heart, sincerely and with trust to express their feelings and listen carefully to the other. “One of the indicators of a healthy relationship is the emergence of a large number of insignificant phrases that only make sense to the spouses,” says Josh McDowell, author of the acclaimed book Secrets of Love. Oddly enough, the reason for infidelity on the part of women is often their dissatisfaction not with the physiological side of marriage, but precisely with a lack of communication with their husband, insufficient emotional intimacy.

Emotional support is a type of communication that performs a separate function. We all need emotional support, consolation, and approval from time to time. It is generally accepted that only women need a man’s “strong shoulder,” a “stone wall.” In fact, the husband no less needs the psychological support of his wife. But the support that men and women need is somewhat different. This topic is covered very well and in detail in John Gray’s book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”

The role of sex in family life

In an “easy” relationship, sex is simply physiological pleasure caused by stimulation of erogenous zones.

Sex in a real marriage is an expression of love, a connection not only of two bodies, but at some level of souls. Sex between loving people in marriage is spiritually beautiful, it is like prayer, like prayer of gratitude to God and prayer for each other. The pleasure of sex in an “easy” relationship cannot be compared with the pleasure in marriage.

But the mere fact of registering a marriage does not guarantee that the couple will fully receive this pleasure. If people, before legal marriage, have been “practicing” irresponsible sex for a long time, and not always with loved ones, they have developed certain skills, these people are accustomed to the fact that sex is a very definite thing. Will they be able to restructure themselves internally and discover new heights of this pleasure? The longer they cohabited outside of marriage, the less likely this is.

The unity of loving people is not only a physiological process, but also a spiritual one. Therefore, the role of physiology here is not as great as in premarital “sport.” The myth that sexual compatibility is one of the fundamental points for creating a family was not born by sexologists. Experienced and honest sexologists who are not concerned with proving the importance of their own profession put sexual compatibility in its rightful place. Here's what sexologist Vladimir Fridman says:

“We must not confuse cause with effect. Harmonious sex is the result of true love. Loving spouses almost always (in the absence of illness and having the appropriate knowledge) can and should achieve harmony in bed.

Moreover, only mutual feelings can maintain sexual satisfaction for many years. Love is not a consequence, but a cause (the main condition) of intimate satisfaction. The desire to give, not to receive, drives her. And vice versa, “love” born of enchanting sex, most often a short-lived chimera, is one of the main reasons for the destruction of those families where the spouses have never learned to give each other real physiological satisfaction.

On the other hand, intimate harmony nourishes love; those who do not understand this can lose everything. The pursuit of orgasm outside of marriage without deep feelings gives rise to sexual dependency, when partners only want to receive pleasure.

Giving, not receiving, is the main slogan of love!

We can talk for a long time about the magnitude of the strength of sexual desire given to each person. Indeed, there are people with weak, medium and strong sexual constitution. It’s easier if the needs and opportunities in the family coincide, and if not, only love can help reach a reasonable compromise.”

Saul Gordon, a psychologist and director of the Institute for Family Studies and Education, says his research shows that sex ranks only ninth among the ten most important aspects of relationships, far behind such traits as caring, communication, and a sense of humor. Love comes first.

American psychologists also calculated that spouses spend less than 0.1% of their time in sexual games. That is less than one thousandth!

Intimacy in family life is a precious expression of love, but it is not the only expression and, moreover, it is not the main thing. Without complete coincidence of all physiological parameters, a family can be complete and happy. Without love - no. Therefore, arranging premarital tests for sexual incompatibility means losing more for the sake of less. It's natural to want sex with your loved one before marriage, but truly loving behavior would be to wait until after marriage.

When does family begin?

There are different situations in life... And yet, for most people, a family begins from the moment of its state registration.

There are two beneficial aspects to state registration. First, legal recognition of your marriage. This removes important questions about the paternity of children, jointly acquired property, and inheritance.

The second aspect is perhaps even more important. This is your official, public, oral and written consent to be each other’s husband and wife.

We often underestimate the power of the words we speak. We think: “The dog barks, the wind blows.” But in reality: “The word is not a sparrow; if it flies out, you won’t catch it.” And “What is written with a pen cannot be cut out with an axe.”

How have people established mutual obligations throughout human history? A promise, in a word, a mutual agreement. A word is a form of expression of thought. And thought, as we know, is material. Thought has power. A promise given even to oneself, especially in writing, already shows its power. For example, if you promise yourself not to repeat a certain bad habit, it will be much easier not to repeat it. There will be a barrier to its repetition. And if we don’t fulfill our promise, the feeling of guilt will be much stronger.

A solemn, public, oral and written oath between two people has great power. There is nothing loud in the words spoken during registration, but if you think about it, these are very serious words.

If, for example, we were asked during registration: “Do you agree, Tatyana, to spend the night with Ivan in the same bed and enjoy joint pleasure until you get tired of it”? Then, of course, there would be nothing wrong with this obligation.

But they ask us if we agree to take each other as wives (husbands)! This is a great thing!

Imagine you came to sign up for the sports section. And there they tell you: “We have a serious sports club, we work for results. We will only accept you if you make a written commitment to take no lower than third place at the World Championships or Olympics.” Perhaps, before you sign, you will think about how hard and long you will have to work to achieve such a result.

The obligation to be the wife (husband), and not of some ideal person, but of this one, alive, with flaws, actually means that we take on even more work than the one that makes people champions. But our reward will be immeasurably more pleasant than a golden circle and glory...

The modern wedding ceremony was invented a hundred years ago by the communists as a replacement for the sacrament of the wedding of the Church they were destroying. What did the communists have in their arsenal that would correspond to love? Never mind. Therefore, this whole ceremony, its standard phrases, really look pathetic and sometimes funny. One of my friends was a witness at a wedding. The receptionist says: “Young people, come forward.” My friend later told me: “Well, I don’t consider myself old”... So the three of us stepped forward...

But behind all these funny, stupid or boring moments, it is necessary to see the essence of marriage registration, which strengthens the strength and determination of loving people to really be together all their lives and puts barriers against the temptation to betray, which may arise in the future.

These barriers are surmountable. But still, they help us overcome our weaknesses.

What is a wedding

Couples whose marriage has already been registered by the state are allowed to get married in the Orthodox Church. This is due to the fact that until 1917 the Church also bore obligations related to the registration of births, marriages, and deaths. Since the registration function has now been transferred to the registry office, in order to avoid confusion, in the interests of those getting married, the Church asks them for a marriage certificate.

A wedding has that beauty, that grandeur that state registration lacks. But if you want to get married just for the sake of this external beauty, I think it’s better not to do it. Maybe over time you will understand more deeply what a wedding is, and then you will be able to get married for real, consciously. After all, this is not an external procedure, but something in which your mental and spiritual participation is required.

I can hardly reveal even a small part of the meaning that a wedding has. I will just note a few points briefly.

Unlike the state, the Church gives priority to issues of love and marriage. That is why the sacrament of marriage is so solemn and majestic. This is truly a great joy for all members of the Church present.

Normally, those getting married are virgins. Therefore, the Church honors their feat of abstinence and, as conquerors over their passions, crowns them with royal crowns. He who lives by passions is a slave. He who conquers passions is the king of himself and his life. The white dress and veil emphasize the purity of the bride.

But at the same time, the Church understands how difficult this undertaking is marriage. The Church knows about visible and, most importantly, invisible forces that will strive to destroy this marriage. No wonder the Russian proverb warns: “When going to war, pray; when going to sea, pray twice as much; If you want to get married, pray three times.” And possessing the power that alone can resist the forces of invisible evil, the Church, in the sacrament of marriage, gives those who are getting married God’s blessing on their marriage as a force that will strengthen and protect their love. This is truly a match made in heaven. That is why a wedding is not a ritual, but a Sacrament, that is, a mystery and a miracle.

In the words of the prayers read during the wedding, the Church wishes the spouses such great blessings that even the closest relatives would not wish them at the wedding.

The Church believes that marriage is something that extends beyond death. In heaven, people do not live a married life, but some kind of connection, some kind of intimacy between husband and wife can remain there.

To get married, you need to be baptized, believe in God, trust the Church. And it is a great happiness for those getting married if they have many believing friends who can pray for them.

How do the roles of husband and wife differ in marriage?

Men and women are not the same by nature, so it is natural that the roles of husband and wife in marriage are also different. The world we live in is not chaotic. This world is harmonious and hierarchical, and therefore the family - the most ancient of all human institutions - also lives in accordance with certain laws, a certain hierarchy.

There is a good Russian proverb: “The husband is a shepherd to his wife, the wife is a band-aid to her husband.” Normally, the husband is the head of the family, the wife is his assistant. The woman feeds the family with her emotions, the husband soothes the excess emotions with his peace. The husband is the front, the wife is the rear. The man is responsible for the family’s interaction with the outside world, that is, he provides for the family financially, protects it, the wife supports the husband, and takes care of the home. Both parents participate equally in raising children, and in household matters - to the extent possible.

This distribution of roles is inherent in human nature. The reluctance of spouses to play their natural roles, their desire to play the role of another makes people in the family unhappy, leads to material problems, drunkenness, domestic violence, infidelity, mental illness of children, and family breakdown. As we see, no technical progress cancels the action of moral laws. "Ignorance of the law is not an excuse".

The main problem of the modern family is that the man is gradually losing his role as head of the family. There are women who, for some reason, do not want to give a man his primacy. There are men who, for some reason, don’t want to take it. If you want to be happy in family life, both parties need to make an effort to ensure that the man is still the head of the family.

Everyone is free to have their own point of view on this issue, their own passions and can act as they see fit. But there are facts. And they say that families in which the head is a man practically do not turn to family psychologists: they do not have serious problems. And families in which a woman dominates or fights for power turn to psychologists in huge numbers. And not only the spouses themselves turn, but also their children, who then, due to the mistakes of their parents, cannot arrange their personal lives. On our dating site znakom.realove.ru, in the participant profile there is a question about who was the head of the parents’ family. It is significant that the overwhelming majority of women who cannot start a family grew up in families where the mother was the commander-in-chief.

The viability of the family depends on the husband and wife faithfully observing their roles. The viability of the society depends on the viability of the family. The famous American family psychologist James Dobson writes in his book: “The Western world stands at a great crossroads in its history. In my opinion, our very existence will depend on the presence or absence of male leadership.” Yes, the question is exactly this: to be or not to be. And we have already come very close to “not being.” But each of us can determine the fate of our family, to be or not to be a real family. And if we choose “to be,” we will make our contribution to the strengthening of our society and the power of the country.

There are families in which there is clearly a strong and organized wife and a weak slob husband. The wife's leadership is not even challenged. These are families created according to the so-called complementary principle, when people match their shortcomings, like puzzles. I know relatively successful examples of such families where people live together and, perhaps, will not separate. But still, this is constant torment, hidden dissatisfaction on both sides, and considerable psychological problems for children.

I also observed an example of how you can build a healthy family, even if the natural data of the spouses does not match. The wife is a phenomenally strong, powerful, tough and talented person. Her husband is younger than her and much weaker by nature, but kind and smart. Both are university professors. The wife fully demonstrates her strength in the professional field, where she has achieved great success (she is a psychologist, her name is known to almost everyone in Russia). In the family, with her husband, she is different. The palm is deliberately given to the husband. The wife “plays the retinue.” Children are taught to respect their father. The husband's final decision is the law. And thanks to such support from his wife, the husband does not look unworthy of his role; he is the actual head of the family. This is not some kind of acting or deception. It’s just that, being an experienced psychologist, she understands that this is right. Perhaps this understanding was not easy for her. Her first two marriages failed. She and her current husband have been together for about 40 years, they have three children, and there is warmth, peace and true love in the family.

In a family, the retinue makes the king not only in external terms, but also in the most genuine, psychological sense. A wise wife, choosing femininity and weakness, makes her husband more courageous and stronger. Even if the husband is not very worthy of respect, a wise wife tries to respect him for the sake of respect for spiritual laws, which, as she understands, she cannot change. She takes care of the house, that her husband and children feel good in it, and above all, psychologically. She tries to control her emotions. She does not humiliate, does not reproach, does not nag her husband. She consults with him. She does not “climb into the heat before daddy” so that both the first and last word when discussing any issue is hers. She expresses her opinion, but leaves the final decision to her husband. And he does not disparage him in cases where his decision turned out to be not the most successful.

Husband and wife are two communicating vessels. If a wife, with patience and love, shows her husband her sincere attitude towards him as the head of the family, he gradually becomes the real head.

Of course, the husband himself needs to take care of being the head of the family. Do everything possible to provide for the family financially. Do not be afraid to take decisions on serious issues and take responsibility for these decisions. A husband can also help a woman become more feminine, help her take the place that belongs to her in the family and in which she will feel like a woman.

The main strength of a man that conquers a woman is calmness, peace of mind. How to cultivate this peacefulness in yourself? Like love, spiritual peace increases as passions and bad habits are overcome.

The role of children in family life

The truth is always the golden mean. In relation to children, it is also important to avoid two extremes.

One extreme, especially characteristic of women: children come first, everything else, including the husband, comes later.

A family will remain a family only if the wife and husband always put each other first. Who should get the best piece at the table? According to the Soviet-era saying, “All the best goes to the children”? Traditionally, the best piece always went to the man. Not only because a man’s task is to provide financially for his family, and for this he needs a lot of strength, but also as a sign of his seniority. If this is not the case, if a child is taught that he is the king of the family, he grows up to be an egoist who is not adapted to life, and to family life in particular. But, most importantly, the relationship between husband and wife suffers. If the wife loves the child more, the husband seems to become a third wheel. He then looks for love on the side, and as a result the family breaks up.

The other extreme: “children are a burden, as long as we can, we’ll live for ourselves.” Children are not a burden, but a joy that cannot be replaced by anything. I know two large families. One has six children, the other seven. These are the happiest families I know. Yes, parents work there a lot. But how much love, joy, warmth there is!

In a normal family, parents do not “plan” and “regulate” how many children they will have. Firstly, many contraceptives work on the abortifacient principle. That is, they do not prevent conception, but kill an already formed embryo. Secondly, there is something above us that knows better than us how many children we need and when they will be born. Thirdly, the constant struggle for “non-conception” deprives the intimate life of spouses of the freedom and joy that they have every right to enjoy.

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• The family as a social institution, characterized by certain social norms, sanctions, patterns of behavior, rights and responsibilities that regulate relations between spouses, between parents and children.
• Economic family: unites persons related economically - by a common family budget.
• A family is territorial and unites individuals based on their cohabitation.
• Biological: consists of parents and children.

The social aspect in defining the concept of family dominated in socialist society, according to the position of Marxism that “ the family gives us a miniature picture of the same opposites and contradictions in which society moves" At different historical stages in the development of family relations, territorial And economic Aspects. For example, in France " the concept of family included a group of people locked behind one lock at night", and Russian zemstvo statistics, when conducting household censuses, determined a family by the number of eaters, based on the fact that " According to the peasants, the concept of family includes a circle of people who constantly eat at the same table or eat from the same pot" However, despite the importance of the socio-economic function of the family, it should be distinguished from the household, which can be run by an individual or a group of people not related by kinship. In the same way, living in the same living space cannot be the defining definition of a family today. At all times, its basis still remains the purely biological concept of a married couple cohabiting with their descendants and elderly representatives of the older generation.

Types of family and its organization:

Often married couples are formed due to mutual attraction to each other, great love or falling in love. At these moments, people do not think about whether they have any common hobby. But it is so important to have common interests and family affairs, because if love is not fueled by anything else and you don’t even have common topics for conversation, then sooner or later this state of affairs will inevitably lead to divorce.

What goal should you pursue in your family?

Unfortunately, in our time, the science of the family and how to build it correctly has been forgotten. That is why there are so many family unions in modern society that seem to be prosperous and successful. But if you delve a little further, it turns out that happiness is not present in them.

In our age, the modern family already has an established stereotype of family life, which for many seems to be the norm. This is when the husband comes home from work tired after a hard day and immediately sits down to watch TV or play on the computer. At this time, his wife is doing housework or some other chores in the kitchen, and the children are playing with their toys. Many will say that idyll and harmony reign in this union, but, apparently, they do not have common goals and family interests. They do not have joint emotions and empathy, so over time they become more and more distant from each other.

When people get married and go on an interesting journey called they must clearly understand what their common goals are, so that they can then go towards them together. Until they are outlined, a person will not understand what qualities his soulmate should be endowed with.

A modern family should not forget that common goals will necessarily be the key to lasting happiness and mutual understanding.

What goals are considered a guarantee of a happy family?

The concept that the goal of a family should be the birth and upbringing of good and healthy children is considered widespread. This, of course, is also important. But what will happen to this marriage when the children grow up and leave to build their own path? That's it, the goal of your whole life will be achieved, and there will be nothing left in common. Therefore, spouses simply need to have other common interests and family affairs, in addition to children.

It is believed that a marriage between two people is a kind of school of love. And if a family truly values ​​and respects each other, then the relationship only becomes stronger over the years. Thus, the real purpose of married life is to achieve perfect love.

The main goal of each spouse should be constant care for their other half and the task of making each other’s lives easier. If you follow all these rules and instructions and do not forget about them, then it is possible to achieve trust, harmony and happiness between them.

Shared hobbies and general leisure

According to statistics compiled by American scientists, every second man in the world spends his free time watching some television programs. But why not watch them with your wife? After all, you can choose any program that both of you will like, or download a movie, which is very easy to do in our age of the Internet. Even spending time together like this can become a link that binds the family and provides a new topic for conversation and discussion. For example, you can make it yours to organize such joint viewings with popcorn and various other goodies every Friday.

Leisure

Common interests and family activities can be found outside the walls of the house. It’s good if this is associated with some kind of physical activity, since scientists have proven that a passive lifestyle affects not only a person’s health, but also his psyche. Let's say you can come up with the following active common affairs and interests of the family. Examples:

Joint recreation in nature.

1. Walking tour with a stop for a snack.

   Engaging in any active sports.

   A real hike with a tent and an overnight stay in the forest.

This type of vacation does not require large expenses at all, but only the desire and desire to spend time together.

Common interests of parents and child

The role of family in a child’s life is undoubtedly very important. In order not to miss the moment while your child is growing up and to always remain a friend to him, you need, of course, to have mutual affairs with him to spend time together.

It is not at all difficult to find common affairs and interests of the family. The world around us, if we look at it only with different eyes, can suggest a lot of ideas for this. For example, if the child is already grown up and can take care of a pet, you need to get a common family pet and walk it together when time allows. At such moments, you have the opportunity to discuss with your child in a relaxed atmosphere any of his problems and what may be bothering him.

Parents can learn, if they don’t already know how, roller skating or skiing, and then have so much fun with the whole family. A good tradition can be a morning jog or an evening yoga class. Yes, anything, the main thing is to be together.

Favorable climate in the family

When a child grows up in a family, it is very important what kind of family climate reigns in it. From the parents the child receives preparation for future life in society. Therefore, it cannot be denied that the role of the family plays an important function in the formation of his personality.

A child, like a sponge, absorbs what happens within the walls of his home, and then transfers all these foundations and rules into his adult life. If it is customary for parents to have common interests and family affairs, then in the future their child will do the same in their marriage, having learned this from early childhood. When children grow up in a place where it is customary to communicate in a friendly and gentle manner, then over time they will certainly build the same style of communication with the people around them.

Only one conclusion can be drawn from this - in order to raise a good and successful child, it is necessary for the family to have a healthy moral and emotional microclimate.

Spiritual aspects of family life

An important role in the harmonious relationship of a married couple is played by spiritual closeness, which over the years can be irretrievably lost unless you constantly work on its presence in life. To do this, you can choose a shared spiritual hobby, such as dancing. After all, there is nothing better and more enjoyable than circling with your loved one.

Nowadays you can often find a situation where elderly spouses sign up for dance lessons in order to give their relationship some zest and novelty. Many psychologists approve of this kind of time together, since dancing allows you to penetrate deeper into the personal space of your other half.

What is the relationship between family and society?

From time immemorial, the family has been considered the main unit of society. It is entrusted with many functions, the most important being procreation. Therefore, all civilization and social relations begin with the family.

How a person treats his loved ones is how he will treat other people. If betrayal and abuse reign in the house, then a person who is brought up in such a situation will eventually think that the same can be done with people who are complete strangers to him.

Therefore, you should never forget a very simple thing - relationships depend primarily on what people are willing to do for them themselves.

Marriage is not only a sexual, but also an economic and household union.

Family and marriage relations have a long history and traditions. For the first time, their legislative foundations were enshrined in Roman law. Roman law highlighted the institution of family and marriage, legal concepts of personal and property relations of spouses, parents and children, adoption, guardianship and trusteeship.

In Russia, the adoption of Christianity, which recognizes marriage as a sacrament and considers the family as the basis for the development of society, had a significant impact on the development of family law.

Currently, in most cases, society in one form or another regulates relations between men and women, establishing certain frameworks for the institution of marriage. The form of such regulation is marriage registration.

The nature of intra-family ties and relationships is also changing radically. The family structure with the subordinate position of women and the unquestioned authority of the father-owner gives way to new human relationships based on feelings of affection, spiritual closeness, mutual respect and mutual assistance. These provisions are enshrined in legislative acts.

On December 29, 1995, Federal Law No. 223-FZ was adopted Family Code of the Russian Federation, which came into force on March 1, 1996.

The main goals of the new family legislation are to strengthen the family, protect the rights of each individual in the new socio-economic conditions of the development of our society, provide guarantees for the implementation and protection of family rights of citizens, as well as establish measures that force citizens to fulfill the family responsibilities assigned to them by law.

A healthy lifestyle is a family tradition

The Family Code consolidated and developed such provisions of family law as marriage and divorce, adoption, guardianship and trusteeship, foster family, taking into account new legislation regulating family relations.

The adoption of the Family Code is a significant step towards creating a developed legal system that corresponds to the new economic and social relations emerging in our state.

Currently, the main act regulating family relations is the Family Code, according to which family legislation consists of legislative and other regulations governing:

establishing the procedure and conditions for marriage;

personal and property relations arising in the family between family members: spouses, parents and children, including between adoptive parents and adopted children;

determination of the norm and procedure for placing children without parental care in the family.

Let's consider some provisions of the Family Code that, in our opinion, every citizen of the Russian Federation needs to know.

Family Law (Chapter 1)

Article 1 of the Code states that “family, motherhood, paternity and childhood in the Russian Federation are under the protection of the state.”

The Family Code establishes that only those marriages that are registered with the civil registry office are recognized as marriage.

Conditions and procedure for marriage (Chapter 3)

Marriage is registered with the civil registry office.

The rights and obligations of spouses arise from the date of state registration of marriage.

The marriage is concluded in the personal presence of the persons entering into marriage, after a month has passed from the date of their submission of the application to the registry office.

To enter into a marriage, the mutual voluntary consent of the man and woman entering into marriage and their attainment of marriageable age are required.

A marriage cannot be concluded if at least one person entering into a marriage is already in another registered marriage. Marriage between close relatives is not allowed.

Installed in the Russian Federation uniform minimum age for marriage at eighteen years of age for men and women. There is no age limit for marriage.

Conclusions.

Future parents should know and understand well that the birth and upbringing of a child is their duty to society.

Both parents should be involved in raising children.

The family structure and psychological climate in it should contribute to the harmonious development of the child.

The family shapes the child’s personality, develops in him the necessary qualities and foundations of views and behavior in his future life.

Questions.

What are the conditions and procedure for marriage in the Russian Federation?

How does the Family Code of the Russian Federation define the personal rights and obligations of spouses?

How does the Family Code of the Russian Federation define the property rights of spouses? To answer this question, use the “Additional Materials” section.

How does the Family Code of the Russian Federation define the rights and responsibilities of parents?

Family and its importance in human life

A family is a form of unification of male and female people, developed over many centuries, in the interests of creating normal conditions for their daily life, maintaining health, giving birth and raising children, transferring life experience, and ensuring the continuity of generations.

The most important task of the family is the birth and upbringing of children, the development of their physical and spiritual strength. It is clear that the family is of great value and in the interests of society it is necessary to strengthen it in every possible way.

In the past, there were many factors at work in society that prevented the formal disintegration of the family, even in the case when it actually ceased to correspond to its purpose. Marriage was the most “stable” when the consent of the bride and groom to enter into it was not required: the parents agreed on everything. Nowadays, marriages are concluded almost exclusively on the basis of mutual love.

Since modern marriage is based primarily on love, the most important role in it is played by the preservation and development of this feeling in life together. However, this is hampered primarily by the fact that young people are not always able to distinguish between the qualities of a possible future spouse necessary for life together, the skills possessed by representatives of the opposite sex, and their moral virtues.

Family relationships often become complicated immediately after marriage. Typical pre-wedding dreams of family happiness are often replaced after the wedding by disappointments in each other and in family life. In general, before the wedding, he and she sought to show themselves from the best, most advantageous side, and after the wedding, true qualities and shortcomings begin to appear. There is no longer any need to conquer each other, newlyweds relax and often stop taking care of themselves (their appearance, clothing, behavior, speech), forget to be attentive, gentle with each other, and become ungrateful and picky. A girl from the role of a princess often, immediately after the wedding, finds herself in the position of a maid, to whom no one will thank her for the cooked dinner or the washed shirt. The attributes of a beautiful free life disappear, replaced by numerous family worries. And if problems still arise about where to live, what to live on, how to get along, then the object of adoration begins to seem not good enough or even unbearably bad. Disagreements arise, which give rise to disputes, resentments and quarrels, irritation and dissatisfaction with each other.

Many people do not understand that, in principle, conflicts between people are quite possible, and an important test of a person’s spiritual qualities is his attitude to the conflict, the ability to resolve it without harming the other, that in any conflict there is still no winning side: both participants lose.

An insufficiently respectful attitude towards people leads to a desire, often unjustified, to change the spouse. But if the shortcomings are small, then you need, knowing them, to treat them with understanding and tolerance. It is not for nothing that it is said that true love not only accepts a person as he is, but also wants him exactly as he is. If these shortcomings are large, then you need to be able to see them in advance.

Marriages among young people, unfortunately, are less durable than among older people. Often young people are unable to understand their feelings, to distinguish love from attraction, infatuation. Many young people have an incorrect understanding of the family: girls and boys do not realize that the family is really a unit of society, and not a closed cohabitation of a man and a woman. Nine out of ten early marriages end in divorce within five years. In many ways, marriages among young people are problematic from the very beginning, since they marry to feel like adults, to finally get away from their parents, to gain more freedom, or to overcome their parents’ objections and resistance to marriage and prove to them that love is real . Some young people seek marriage because they fear that the bonds that bind them are not strong enough to withstand the personal changes that will occur to each of them in the coming years. It’s like trying to freeze forever those relationships that developed at a certain time, which is impossible.

Early marriage can often prevent you from continuing your education and getting a good profession. The lack of money will affect everything (no home, no opportunity to dress fashionably), but the worst thing is that many then complain: early marriage deprived them of the joys and experiments characteristic of youth.

Factors influencing the harmony of life together

The harmony of a marriage largely depends on the intellectual and psychological compatibility of the spouses.

The psychological compatibility of spouses is influenced by many factors (Diagram 1). Let's look at the main ones.

Value-ideological compatibility is the compatibility of people’s life values, aspirations, interests, and beliefs. The closer the spouses’ aspirations, values, and beliefs, the easier it is for them to understand each other.

The consistency of functional-gender expectations, a person’s ideas about his rights, responsibilities, functions in a marital union, if family members understand their roles differently and present each other with inconsistent expectations, rejected by others, and corresponding demands, the family is obviously incompatible and conflict-ridden.

Even the inconsistency of ideas about how to spend your leisure time, the distribution of responsibilities in household work, a sharp discrepancy in everyday habits can seriously disrupt the relationship between spouses.

Compatibility of individual psychological characteristics. For example, prosperous married couples with stable relationships are often distinguished by the opposite temperaments of the spouses: an excitable choleric person and a calm phlegmatic person, as well as a sad melancholic person and a cheerful sanguine person, seem to complement each other and need each other. The most universal partners are phlegmatic people. Married couples in which one of the spouses is phlegmatic are the most harmonious. People with similar personalities cannot always get along together. For example, if both are domineering, active, harsh in character, then it is difficult for them to come to an agreement. It is easier to get along if one of the spouses is prone to leadership and the other to subordination. But there are character qualities, the inconsistency of which makes compatibility difficult. For example, it is difficult for a neat person to get along with a sloppy person, and for an honest person to get along with a deceitful person.

Numerous studies of human compatibility have made it possible to formulate the law of compatibility: the innate qualities of spouses in compatible couples should be contrasting, and the acquired qualities should be similar.

Human conjugal unions, not too different in origin, living conditions, upbringing, are usually more durable, because the likelihood of coincidence in them of the attitudes, values, interests, ideals, habits (i.e. acquired qualities) of the spouses is obviously greater.

In general, to be compatible with others, a person must have three basic character traits: the ability to be critical of oneself, tolerance of others, and trust in others.

The following psychological tips will help you achieve mutual understanding and maintain love and respect for each other in family life:
. never quarrel, even in critical situations;
. if you don’t like something, don’t fight, help each other;
. do not try to re-educate each other, do not force each other to change those established habits that do not give you pleasure, unless, of course, they are to the detriment of others;
. do not criticize each other, especially in the presence of strangers; you cannot criticize a person, at least you can only criticize his actions; try not to speak ill of anyone, especially your spouse;
. learn to appreciate each other;
. show each other signs of attention, do not forget to thank each other (for a delicious lunch, for help with laundry, etc.), give a little surprise (give flowers or a tie, etc.);
. do not assume that you are right until you look at the situation through the eyes of the other side;
. be polite: everything that is said rudely can be said tactfully; swearing is the psychological, moral destruction of another person; Swearing is unacceptable in the family;
. communicate; don’t be silent, talk about what you feel, what you think, what bothers you; don’t accumulate irritation; if you don’t like something, say so;
. remember only the good; the ability to remember the good is the ability to forget the bad; know how to forgive each other;
. take care of your health and that of your loved ones;
. warn others about your bad mood or fatigue; try to quickly bring yourself back to normal (take a shower, relax), and not take out your fatigue or irritation on your loved ones.

Sources

http://xn----7sbbfb7a7aej.xn--p1ai/obzh_11/obzh_materialy_zanytii_11_02.html

https://yadi.sk/d/pSiDO6gaafDSb

http://gigabaza.ru/doc/93975.html

Only in our country

people wish each other

family and... personal happiness :)))

Mikhail Zadornov

Friends! Oddly enough, I was inspired to write this article by the holiday of March 8th. When it came again in 2017, I decided to take an interest in history: what are we actually celebrating? And I found out that the founders of the holiday put a slightly different meaning into it than we do now. After googling, I came across the now popular Wikipedia, where the following is written:

On March 8, 1908, at the call of the New York Social Democratic women's organization, a rally was held with slogans about the equality of women. On this day, more than 15,000 women marched through the city, demanding shorter working hours and equal pay conditions with men. In addition, a demand was put forward to grant women the right to vote.

Why do women need suffrage?

The issue of women's struggle for equality can be discussed at length, and this is not the purpose of the article. In addition, the demand for equal pay conditions is already a well-worn topic, but women’s suffrage is exactly what caught my attention in the description of the holiday. And I thought: why did women begin to demand suffrage for themselves? Why then?

It is known that at that time only men had the right to vote, and this situation at some point began to be perceived as injustice and social inequality. And really, why do men have this right, but women don’t? A woman is the same person, the same person, who has the right to respect, recognition, freedom of speech, and expression of her opinion. Everything seems to be logical. Then it turns out that a woman should also have the right to vote - after all, she is also a resident of the country, a citizen, and has the right to express her civic position and influence her destiny!

But stop here... I am not at all against the fact that a woman is a person, a person who has the right to respect, to happiness, etc. However, a woman’s right to vote gives her the opportunity to do more than just vote... A woman’s right to vote gives her the opportunity to express a position in elections that is different from her husband’s! Or, to put it bluntly, speak out against your husband. Otherwise, why does she need the right to vote... Friends, don’t you think it’s strange that on an important issue a wife’s opinion differs from that of her husband? And this is very strange to me, because “husband and wife are one Satan.” Moreover, isn’t it strange that the wife not only has a different opinion, but also openly publicly declares it? From the point of view of a modern person, perhaps this is normal - yes, a woman, an adult, capable, independent, free, has the right to express her own opinion, including publicly. But from the point of view of traditional family values, this is not entirely true.

(From) Personal opinion - harm to the family

I’ll make a digression and tell you a story; it was a real life situation. Several years ago in the Russian city N there were regular mayoral elections, in which the current mayor planned to be re-elected. He had a deputy, his right hand, who helped him in every possible way in his work and election campaign. This “deputy” was married, and his wife, for personal and unknown reasons, was against the mayor preparing for the elections. Maybe she thought that he didn’t pay her husband enough, or maybe something else, it doesn’t matter. On the eve of the elections, an official event was held, where the mayor, his deputy and his wife, and other civil servants were present. At some point, the deputy mayor’s wife takes the floor and, in front of the astonished public, makes a speech on why the current mayor is not worthy of being mayor again. Yes, she expressed her civic position and, from the point of view of the Constitution, had every right to do so. But, in fact, she expressed a position that contradicted her husband's position. Did she have the right to do this? I had it too. Only the husband, as you might guess, was fired after this, and he, which is also logical, divorced her. The wife's carelessly expressed personal position led to the collapse of her husband's career and family.

What am I getting at? Not at all, women should be deprived of the right to vote and also their driver’s license at the same time :))) Let it be, this is not a problem at all. And the question of this right is just a reason for writing an article. The problem lies deeper, and it is that today the family has come to be perceived as a kind of formal appendage to an individual who acts in his own personal interests. From my point of view, this is a destructive approach that will not lead anyone to happiness. I will try to reveal the logic of my conclusions.

Happiness comes only from family

You may have objections to this, like “what if a woman lives without a husband?” Friends, I am not proposing a full-fledged bill, I just want to convey the idea of ​​the family as a team using an example that stuck in my soul - elections. There are many nuances, and it is the deputies’ task to take them into account if they decide to change something.

What if there is no unanimity in the family?

But what if the family cannot reach unanimity within? How then can a woman take part in the fate of the country and family? If the husband and wife cannot come to an agreement, the final decision, as the head of the family, is ideally made by the man. What smell of inequality? It only seems so. You don't think it's unequal to have a CEO in a company or a captain for a football team? A man “rules” within his area of ​​responsibility - external activities and interaction with society. A woman does not make key decisions here, not because she, as it may seem, is lower in status than a man, but because this is not her area of ​​​​responsibility. A woman's path is internal activity; she is the mistress of the house. distributed in the same way as those of company employees or football team players, and distributed by Nature itself. I discuss the issues of apparent inequalities in detail in a series of articles “”

I'm not saying that women don't have a say in the family. In resolving external issues, women have an advisory voice, while men have a decisive voice.. Like, a controlling stake 🙂 And then, I’m not saying that a man must necessarily make a decision against his wife’s opinion. A man’s task is to make a decision that will benefit his family, and not to realize his own desires. And if he personally sympathizes with candidate Ivanov (what a cool guy! :)), but understands that more benefit for the family and the country will come from candidate Petrov (honest, fair), for whom his wife proposes to vote, the right decision would be to listen to his wife . Just don’t get confused: it wasn’t the wife who pushed through her decision and the husband caved in, but the husband soberly assessed all the arguments and himself decided to vote for the candidate proposed by his wife. If you want an analogy, then in the game “What? Where? When?" the team throws out ideas for the correct answer to the question, after which the TEAM CAPTAIN, AT HIS HIS DISCRETION AND UNDER HIS RESPONSIBILITY, SELECTS THE POINT OF VIEW OF ONE OF THE PLAYERS, WHICH IS SPEAKED ON BEHALF OF THE WHOLE TEAM. Alternatively, he can voice his personal point of view. And it doesn’t occur to anyone to consider this inequality, inequality, oppression of players, etc. There is a person responsible - and it’s up to him to decide, everything is fair.

The right decision is in the interests of the family

And finally, I will generalize what was written above into the following principle: any act committed by spouses, together or separately, will be correct if the whole family benefits as a result.

A man wants to buy himself a new hunting rifle, he’s been dreaming of it for a long time, he’s saved and saved up money, but the old one doesn’t shoot anymore. And the wife wants a fur coat. How to proceed? If he already has two guns, and he wants a third, and with his last money, and his wife does not have warm clothes for the winter, it is in the interests of the family to buy a fur coat. The gun will wait. If they live in the taiga, where the main way of obtaining food is hunting, and everyone’s clothes are in order, the wife just went to the city and saw a “mink” on the women, it is in the interests of the family to buy a gun, otherwise everyone will have nothing to eat.

Feminists have gone in the wrong direction

In fact, hand on heart, I understand that feminists had reason to be dissatisfied. Because in all matters relating to the interaction of family and society, the woman found herself in the shadows. The expression “behind every great man is a great woman” is well known, which means that a man and a woman cooperate and do this according to the principle “man is the front, woman is the rear.” And when a man achieves some outstanding results (makes a scientific discovery, composes a symphony or paints a picture that people will admire for centuries, etc.), his closest ally and assistant - a woman - always remains in the shadows. We know who Mozart is and recognize him in portraits, but we don’t know who his wife was (and whether he had one :)) or what she looked like. We know who Mendeleev is, but we don’t know his wife. And so on. And in this, it seems to me, there is still a certain note of injustice. And feminists decided to eliminate this injustice. They just made it worse. As a result, the family split into two independent “camps” represented by husband and wife, each of which has the right to personal achievements, success, and recognition. It’s good, of course, that there are more and more achievers, but this means fewer and fewer normal families. What is my proposal? First watch an excerpt from the film “The Wife”:

Pay attention to this. At the Nobel Prize ceremony, the laureate appears alone. Further, during the unofficial part, during the feast, the laureate takes the floor and thanks his wife, which is quite fair. True, she sits with a sour expression all the time: according to the plot, she actually wrote all the books, but they gave away that the author was her husband, so the toad was strangling her all the time. But now I'm talking about something else. Let's imagine that he wrote the books, and she was his rear, as most often happens. From my point of view, it is truly unfair that only a man comes out for the prize, although without the support and motivation from his woman, none of the great men would definitely have achieved the results at the level for which history knows them. So, my proposal, as follows from the logic described above, is as follows:

IT IS NOT THE MAN, BUT THE FAMILY THAT SHOULD RECEIVE THE AWARD AND UNIVERSAL RECOGNITION. SO IT'S AT AWARD CEREMONY, IN NEWSPAPER HEADLINES, PRESS CONFERENCES, ETC. A MAN SHOULD MARRY WITH HIS WIFE.

That is, it’s not just “a man should,” but this needs to be made simply a universal cultural tradition, so that it never occurs to anyone that a man or woman has achieved something on their own in splendid isolation. Then there will be no feelings of injustice, inequality, infringement and oppression. There will be no Mozart, Mendeleev, Griboyedov or Vasnetsov. There will be the Mozart family, the Mendeleev family, the Griboyedov family and the Vasnetsov family. And then the wife is proud of her husband, the husband is proud of his wife, their children are proud of their parents, and society is proud of their family. It seems to me that this is logical and definitely better than the division into family and personal happiness :))

The family is the unit of society. conclusions

1. One of the problems in many families and society in general is that people put personal interests above family interests. This is a violation of the principle of team interaction, which is universal and works in any community.
2. Many people generally consider family a relic of the past, and see the opportunity to find happiness in a lonely lifestyle and satisfying personal desires. This is a violation of the laws of Nature, according to which every person has an innate desire for mutual love, creating a family, procreation, and receives a reward from Nature in the form of a feeling of happiness precisely for satisfying this desire.
3. Happiness can only happen in the family and under the condition of mutual love among family members. That is why the unit of society is the family, and not an individual.
4. A family is a team, and each family member benefits from what benefits the whole family, including in situations of contradictions between family members. In particular, it is not the woman or the man who needs the right to vote, but the family as a whole.
5. Traditionally, the head of the family and the representative of the family in society is a man. Making decisions in the interests of the family is his area of ​​responsibility and duty.

Love is not about looking at each other

but when they look in the same direction

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Alexander Kaminsky,
Blog host
"The Way of a Real Man"