Stages of development of relationships between a man and a woman. Globally there are three states

Youthful love or mature love apparent infatuation or developing into affection strong friendship– the entire spectrum of relationships between a man and a woman proceeds according to a standard pattern.

Even if communication seems to be chaotic, there are still certain milestones and stages that can be identified. They are united by one direction of development of relations in one direction or another.

The ability to recognize the stages of a relationship between a man and a woman will help you overcome possible difficulties in a relationship, perceive troubles stoically and treat your loved one with understanding.

Is everything going right?

Any woman in whose life a relatively stable relationship with a man appears asks a lot of questions. Is everything going right, is she doing the right thing, and what will it all lead to?

At each stage of development of a relationship between a man and a woman, new questions may arise, the answers to which are difficult to find. It is even more difficult to build a line of behavior in such a way that a full-fledged strong feeling grows out of love.

It is extremely important for a woman to be aware of the gradual rapprochement and to be patient with step by step development feelings. Intimacy does not arise instantly, it is the fruit of long-term joint work on oneself and feelings.

In the first stages you should not:

• Trying to speed things up.
• Put pressure on your partner and force him.
• Avoid responsibility by shifting it to your partner.
• Try to skip or skip any of the stages.

Women, as emotional and impetuous creatures, often make mistakes in communicating with a man. They perceive the quarrels and omissions that arise as evidence of the collapse of the relationship and often strive to end such a relationship.

As an excuse, complaints are made about an insensitive and inattentive partner. Although any outcome of a relationship is the result of the joint work of two people.

ADVICE!It must be remembered that any quarrels and difficulties are just another brick in the foundation strong relationships, without which it is impossible to build a strong house for your love.

Seven steps to love: what should you be prepared for?

Each subsequent stage of development interpersonal relationships– this is a new step into an area hitherto unknown to partners. The common task of the couple is to preserve their feelings and overcome possible difficulties, get out of disagreements with dignity and maintain trust and love.

Traditionally, psychologists distinguish 7 stages of relationship development, each of which is a natural continuation of the previous one.

Love

The first stage is usually the happiest and shortest. Rapidly flashing bright and strong feelings push people towards each other, forcing them to think only about the object of their love.

Raging emotions and seething hormones lead a person into a state of constant nervous excitement. This is reflected in the critical perception of the world: usually the partner at this stage seems ideal.

Satiation

The next stage is characterized by a gradual cooling of relations. The emergence of independence and the ability to think critically in relation to a partner.

Most often at this stage, people remember their past habits and hobbies and realize that they have a life separate from their loved one. Such a decline can lead to a complete separation, since the intensity of passion is no longer there, as well as the desire to reanimate love.

Rejection

This stage is called one of the most dangerous and destructive for relationships. Since it is during this period that most couples and even marriages break up.

At the stage of falling in love, everyone (and women in particular) tends to idealize their partner and emphasize only their advantages. Therefore, now, when a person takes off his “rose-colored glasses” and begins to look at his lover through the eyes of a realist, and not a romantic, all the shortcomings appear on the surface.

For some, the “imperfection” of a partner becomes a significant reason to destroy the relationship; for others, it is to analyze the situation and try to maintain what was created through joint efforts.

ADVICE!At this stage, it is very important to refrain from looking for the “ideal” partner who seems to be waiting somewhere around the corner: this threatens possible disappointment.

It is impossible to avoid this stage, but meeting it “fully armed” is quite possible. To do this, it is enough to keep in your memory bright and warm memories of romantic meetings and kisses under the moon.

Patience

The next stage of the relationship requires from partners not only patience, that is, the ability to survive everything and move on, but also tolerance, as a way to look at problems and firmly accept them. After all, there is no point in nerves and scandals if they do not correct the situation.

At this stage, partners learn to accept each other completely. It's not easy to love romantic boy with a touching bouquet of roses, but also a tired and irritated husband after work.

Along with a reverent attitude towards your partner, you should pay attention to your shortcomings and difficulties. Equality must be the foundation for strong relationships in the future.

ADVICE!Remember that divorce is not the only and not the most correct solution. Preserving is more difficult than destroying, but trying to do it is necessary!

Duty

Patience itself does not bring good fruits, but only develops anger and rejection in a person. Therefore, at the next stage, duty or service is added to patience with the partner and the union as a whole.

Some call such relationships patriarchal, others do not accept their completeness. But in order for debt not to oppress, but to help build love, it must be mutual.

ADVICE!Principle: “You - for me, I - for you!” must work without hitches, otherwise the full functioning of equal relationships is impossible.

Mutual respect

Here you should perceive your partner not only as soul mate or object of love. But also as a person – interesting and versatile.

At this stage, you should learn to trust and respect, appreciate and understand. The higher the degree between partners, the more likely a painless transition to the final stage of the relationship.

True love

The end result of any relationship between a man and a woman is true love.

Timid love and ardent passion are already behind us. People have learned to understand and trust, to perceive each other as individuals. The result of this work is spiritual closeness and warmth in relationships.

Relationships are almost always difficult. One way or another, we have to deal with our childhood traumas, unmet needs, early decisions, illusions, family scenarios and other undercurrents that influence us today.

On the one hand, this is a painful process, full of tears, resentments and disappointments, on the other hand, it is a natural and publicly accessible path personal development and the opportunity to live a full, rich life.

Fortunately, the process of relationships between partners has been well studied in psychology. It is divided into several stages or phases that each couple goes through. Thus, in analytical psychology the following stages are distinguished: search, recognition, satisfaction of needs, exchange and return.

Psychologist Tatyana Vasilets will talk about this in more detail.

Relying on Jung's well-known position on the duality of the human psyche, which manifests itself in the fact that the psyche of a man includes not only the masculine, but also the feminine (anima), and the psyche of a woman includes not only the feminine, but also masculinity(animus), it can be assumed that the masculine and feminine in the inner space are not only in active process existence, but also more or less successfully interact with each other.

The relationship between masculine and feminine principles in the inner world are mirrored in stages developmentrelationships between real men and a woman.

Search

The initial stage of relationship development is the stage search. It lies in the search process reflections their inner male and female parts in real people - representatives of the opposite sex.

In fairy tales, the search for male heroes is their famous quest for happiness, the search for adventure. For heroines, this is the election of grooms, classically arranged by kings for their daughters. These stories reflect the healthy canons of search activity: men conquer their own happiness, this happens through competition, struggle, overcoming themselves and various obstacles. Women receive the groom who wins the competition arranged by her father, that is, the groom approved by the father, which speaks of the most important moment transfer of paternal responsibility to the daughter's chosen one.

Thus, fairy tales teach that a woman’s search experience should be carried out under the wing of the father’s protective function, the patronage strong man, and the one who tests a woman’s future chosen one should first of all be her father.

Since today many women are formed in the absence of full-fledged paternal protection, the protective paternal function may well be performed by healthy masculinity women, initiated (developed) into a well-functioning internal paternal protective principle.

The decline in paternal function in modern Western society has led to the fact that today the stage of conscious search for a partner is preceded by a more unconscious type of search activity. It can be distinguished as the zero stage of the search. We named her bodily. It's about about the deliberately impersonal process of people satisfying their sexual needs, although these relationships never achieve complete impersonality. Any, even the most fleeting contacts between a man and a woman have infinite depth. Denial of this depth serves an immature person as just an attempt to protect himself from the fear of rejection and from a vague feeling of his incompetence in the field of relationships.

A high level of such competence is characteristic only of a mature personality. The maturity of the male phenomenon (both internal and external) is especially important here. When the masculine reaches maturity, it ascends to the stage of fatherhood, which is a reflection of the divine paternal principle. Therefore, the connection is obvious: to the extent that real fathers emotionally ignore their children, to the same extent their growing children are deprived of the spiritual experience of relationships.

The bodily stage is dictated by instinctive motives, which, in the absence of paternal protection, act as an exposed archaic mechanism for procreation. The instinctive nature of the zero stage of the search also contains a very specific spiritual goal: to find your true half through some kind of “sexual testing”. The bodily stage of search is common not only in youth environment, but also among other people age groups, when they are directly or indirectly busy looking for a “life partner”.

Everyone who has experienced the collapse of a relationship returns to the search stage, as well as - married men And married women, experiencing family, age and other personal crises. Unmated men and women live in a state of search, without always being fully aware of it. An obsessive search for a partner is a sign of a certain immaturity of the individual. This statement suggests a simple conclusion: the initiation of personality maturation brings relief from the compulsion of search.

At the stage search marriages often take place and children are born. However, to achieve harmonious relations Search motives alone are not enough. In the search process, its participants strive primarily for such an important emotional component of relationships as recognition. Once recognition is achieved, the relationship moves on to the next, more high stage development.

Recognition

The essence of relationships at the stage recognition is that a man and a woman seem to recognize each other as their own internalman and woman.

Meeting a person who sufficiently reflects certain features of the internal masculine and feminine aspects of our personality brings a state of special delight. This is a famous period falling in love, which in an analytical sense can be considered as a moment of successful “throwing out projections.”

At this stage, partners for the first time really find and find out the male and female parts of their souls in each other. A man finds in his beloved features of his that are significant to him. inner woman, and a woman finds in her chosen one an aspect of her inner man that is especially relevant for the development of her femininity.

It is noteworthy that first the ideal aspects of the male and female projections are “thrown out” onto the partners. But as the relationship further develops, more and more traumatized fragments of the anima (feminine in a man) and animus (masculine in a woman) are “thrown out,” those that require healing first.

Fortunately, partners contain in their inner world with cosmic precision sufficient quantity matching both ideal and damaged fractals of male and female. It follows that any final separation indicates that the personal “mirroring” of the partners ceases to take place to the extent necessary to maintain their union. In other words, they cease to be reflections of each other due to the fact that the personality structure of one of them changes at a rate different from the rate of change of the other.

In fairy tales (falling in love) corresponds to the moment in the plot when it happens meeting wonderful heroes. Falling in love, which is usually symbolized by the magical, miraculous acquaintance of the heroes, is only the initial, starting point of the relationship. In the language of fairy tales and myths, the experience of collective consciousness tells us that the moment a man and a woman meet is not sufficient to conclude a harmonious union. Therefore, separating forces soon invade the paired space of the heroes in love, and the blessing characters sooner or later show them the way to overcome obstacles.

So, lovers always have to whole line tests, which means the need to go through a number of stages in the development of relationships. Climbing the “ladder of relationships” is inevitable work, and only by climbing these sacred steps can a man and woman achieve joint happiness.

Satisfying needs

The stage (stage) of recognition is replaced by the stage satisfying unmet needs. This is a period of healing of internal traumas, living through those “missed” stages of personal development, where the children’s needs of the partners were not met or were not satisfied enough, and in connection with this, certain psychological deficits and “holes in the Self” were formed (G. Ammon). These include early childhood wish unconditional love(love me as I am) when the baby needs complete and absolute acceptance, understanding and timely care and participation.

Deficit of the Self can relate to the sphere of bodily, creative and other needs. At the stage of satisfying needs, a man and a woman involuntarily and passionately expect from their partner those actions, actions and feelings that they did not receive or did not receive enough from their own parents in childhood.

The “mirroring” of the reflections of a man and a woman in each other that exists here is also explained by the fact that each of the partners actually contains a rich potential to satisfy (or pseudo-satisfy) the unmet needs of another.

Often the unconscious principle of “satisfaction from the opposite” is used here. For example, if a woman was rejected by her father or mother as a child, she finds a man who will reject her. In the course of such a relationship, a woman finally gets the opportunity, not realized in childhood, to throw all her strength into being recognized “at all costs!”

In this case, the woman manifests an exaggerated childish need for recognition not only of the significance of her personality, but also for recognition of her femininity. If satisfaction does not occur or is not enough, the relationship between a man and a woman may get stuck at this stage. A simple example such stuckness serves vicious circle separations and reconciliations in relationships with dependent (alcoholism, drug addiction) partners.

A man, who was unable to psychologically separate from his mother and does not have a healthy male model in the person of his father, strives for a relationship with an authoritarian woman. His main unconscious motive is the desire to defeat her and free himself from her controlling influence. The illusion of victory and liberation is given not only by alcoholism and drug addiction, but also by workaholism, as well as other infantile forms of behavior, which are based on avoidance of responsibility for relationships: spiritual, material, sexual and others.

On the other hand, partners at the same time expect and demand from each other absolute love and unconditional acceptance, which they have so lacked since childhood. Since the stage of satisfying needs is in the nature of mutual dependence, and the latter, as a form of captivity, always evokes a desire to be freed, such relationships hide large reserves of repressed aggression, which breaks out from time to time.

Thus, at the stage of satisfying needs, a man and a woman, like babies, strive for “suction.” They want receive, absorb, absorb missing love and acceptance not only from each other, but also from parent families and even each other's family branches. They are ruled by a strong desire to saturate their ego as much as possible, to fill its voids, that is, to get everything they can from some large, poorly differentiated object." parental world” (“primary group”), relationships with which once led to a feeling of an equally acute deficiency in the area of ​​the emerging self. The unconscious greedily “discovers” this “large feeding object” in the partner.

The symbolism of fairy tales contains an indication of a direct way out of the “dungeon imprisonment” of unmet needs. This is symbolic of battles with villains - internal traumas, split-off aggression, etc. This is the period struggle with dark aspects of personality for the release of miracle feminine nature full of healing powers. In other words, to liberate a fairy-tale beauty - the treasure of supreme femininity - it is necessary to overcome the entire complex of internal imperfections contained in the damaged areas of the masculine and feminine principles.

If there is a lack of resources in the field of the protective function of the male and the restorative forces of the female, depression may occur in partners during this period, psychosomatic disorders and painful breakups.

If a man and a woman overcome the stage of satisfying needs, having managed to satiate the deficits in the Self (having received the necessary recognition from the partner and his family, as well as through their social successes or by directly working on changes in personality, etc.), the relationship improves to the next step - exchange stage.

Exchange

At the stage exchange liberation from projections occurs to a sufficient extent. Partners gain the ability to see in each other real people, and not fragments of your inner virtues, imperfections or fragments family figures from childhood. Relatively autonomous and whole, largely freed from dependence, partners now naturally complement each other, each feeling their own value for themselves and for the other.

At this stage, separations are not too painful, and joint creation becomes more productive than ever before. A man and a woman exchange their specific qualities and properties: he gives her his strength and protection, she gives him healing support and care. They are already able to easily perceive each other as they are, they can already admire (“oh, how wonderful you are!”), and not be proud (“look at what (what) value I have!” ) each other, as in the previous stage. Everyone is able to recognize and appreciate the reality of the other, different from their own, and its inevitable changes.

The internal union between the male and female parts of the personality at this stage of the relationship is already concludedAndbears fruit. Sacred masculine and feminine power any of the partners, having united to a sufficient extent, like a universal generator, now “generate” in the inner world all the energies necessary for happiness and personal development. This is the secret of healthy spiritual independence for mature partners.

In fairy tales this corresponds to the final marital union many experienced heroes. External world no longer harbors serious threats to their relationship; it is common for such a union, as a whole, to enter into bold contacts with society.

Relationships here are distinguished by the presence of healthy boundaries between the couple and the outside world, accurate perception of physical time, and the real responsibility of partners to each other and in relation to external phenomena. Here the opportunity to build your life and the life around you in accordance with your plans and dreams, to be the cause of what happens, to be yourself, is most fully manifested.

Recoil

Relationship exchange in subsequent stages lead to accumulation of huge internal resources and the emergence of a need give away their strength and experience, to give love and excess vital energy not only to each other, but also to the world. That's why this stage relationship was named the stage of giving.

Such a high level in the development of relationships is not necessarily achieved in the final period of the life of a man and a woman together, although it represents a significant spiritual peak. If you enter into a new relationship mature man and woman, they can immediately find themselves at the stage of giving.

Finding themselves in the emotional atmosphere of a couple who has reached this stage, people feel “at home,” feel their own value more clearly in their presence, and invariably receive an impetus for further development from communicating with such a couple. Moreover, this happens regardless of how much the participants in the interaction are aware of these processes. Relationships at the stage of giving are distinguished by the ability of a mature couple to automatically harmonize the world around them, change it in a creative direction, create something new and broadcast it outward.

The stage of giving can be symbolically described not only as a married couple happily nurturing numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren, but also as a couple owning an ever-bearing garden. Figuratively speaking, canning vegetables and fruits has already reached such a scale that, due to the cans filling the house, there is nowhere to put your foot. In this situation, distributing supplies to others is a natural urgent need, the only way out, the only way to maintain order and comfort in the house.

On symbolic language it fits the moment fairy tale plot when the heroes united in a happy union reach the end of the story without fail royal provisions: by concluding a marital union, the fairy-tale bride and groom become the King and Queen.

Considering the stages of relationship development, it is easy to see how great healing power himself relationship process For spiritual development both men and women and their offspring.

It is important to note that often relationships in married couples have characteristics of several stages at once. The conditional division of the process of evolution of relationships into stages is a convenient way to analyze and comprehend this process, and in life it proceeds in the same way as the flowering of plants: some are already fading, others are just beginning to bloom, but in certain periods we can see the flowers of both plants at the same time.

Every mature creature is looking for a mate. A man is looking for a woman, and a woman is looking for a man to build love relationship. The beginning is usually the most pleasant moment of the whole love story, while people dream that the development of their union and passage through all stages will be unforgettable. However, often in this area of ​​life they encounter many difficulties, because of which people suffer and sometimes cannot cope with all the troubles themselves.

Love relationships are an area of ​​life for any adult. Starting from the moment of puberty, every person begins to look for his love. Of course, the former can arise even more at a young age. However, as a person improves his skills, encounters disappointments and the need to change his worldview, he is forced to ask many questions that will allow him to learn how to build relationships correctly.

The online magazine site understands the importance of a person having a real, strong family and fidelity on the part of a partner, which wants to understand a little about the psychology of the topic under consideration.

What is the relationship between a man and a woman?

Modern men and women, like in the old days, have not yet learned to build such love relationships in which they would be absolutely happy. If previously there were traditions, for non-compliance with which everyone was condemned, today all people are free. It was freedom that made it possible to see that in fact men and women are unhappy in their relationships. What is the relationship between a man and a woman? This is the union of two adults with the goal of creating a strong union and realizing their goals, which cannot be achieved without a second partner.

Love relationships are not left out problematic situations when partners do not understand each other, conflict, quarrel. And usually it seems to men and women that problems arose due to a lack of feelings or underdeveloped relationships. Although in fact the reason lies in the partners themselves, who themselves created the problems that they encountered and cannot cope with.

A relationship is not a separately existing phenomenon, but a union of a man and a woman, who themselves create certain relationships through their actions and words. Some partners live to please each other’s whims, others go about their own business and meet for sex, and others lead relationships that satisfy both of them. All unions are different, and it depends only on what kind of people the partners themselves are, what they do and say while in a relationship, how they treat each other, what they do, etc.

Accordingly, the problems that partners face depend only on the lovers themselves. Problems arise not because the relationship is bad or feelings have faded, but because the partners themselves created them with their thoughtless words, actions or hidden agendas. For example, the desire to take revenge on a loved one for his betrayal will push the partner to various actions in order to worsen the happy existence of the other. But who do you think a revengeful person harms? He harms not only his partner, but also the relationship and, accordingly, himself, because if one of the partners feels bad, the relationship will not be built only at the expense of the other person, and he, in turn, will receive less love, affection, and understanding from the first.

Remember that by creating problems, offending, taking revenge, punishing, criticizing, insulting your partner, you are ruining your relationship with your own hands, words and actions, since the relationship will not be built only by you, without the participation of your loved one. Then you will suffer because you will not receive the good things that people usually expect from a relationship. Ultimately, such discord will lead to the fact that you and your partner will be unhappy with the relationship, which is why you want to break up. And it all started only with the fact that someone didn’t like something and began to create problems for his partner, without thinking that he was destroying the relationship with his own hands.

Problems in love relationships arise due to the fault of the partners themselves. If your feelings have faded, then you did not warm them up. If you don't like your relationship, then you haven't built it in such a way that it satisfies you and your partner. If you don’t like your companion, then you yourself made this choice (out of thousands of applicants, for some reason you chose this particular person). Realize that problems in love relationships are the fruits of the actions of the partners themselves. Problems do not arise by themselves, they are a consequence of what lovers do and do not do in the relationship that they themselves have created and developed.

Psychology of relationships between men and women

Many people face difficulties in their love relationships. There are many reasons for this. Psychologists point to one of the reasons when a man and a woman idealize each other. When the “rose-colored glasses” are removed, unprecedented disappointment arises and, accordingly, a break in the relationship.

If we consider the psychology of relationships, we can note two such concepts as distancer and pursuer. At the beginning of a love relationship, a man takes the role of the pursuer. He wins the heart of a woman, who during this period becomes a distancer. However, if a man does not like the development of events, the intensity of the relationship, possible development future to which the woman is pushing him, he begins to distance himself from her. And here the partners change roles:

1. A man becomes a distancer who runs away from a woman and does not want to show his emotions so as not to enter into a relationship and become dependent.
2. The woman becomes a stalker who follows and controls the man everywhere because she is afraid of losing the relationship.

Why is everything happening like this? Psychologists attribute these behavior patterns to the upbringing that girls and boys go through. Quite often, boys become objects of guardianship, especially by single mothers. As a result, they begin to value freedom and independence, associating it with masculinity and strength. Girls initially grow up with the principles of preserving the family at all costs.

Between a man and a woman there is a lot love problems. Men are less emotional, and women, on the contrary, try to surround men with warmth and care. Women strive for close, heart-to-heart communication, and men find it easier to provide solutions to problems rather than discuss their existence.

Men and women do not understand each other in many ways, which is also due to their upbringing. But the problem here is this: men and women begin to believe that their problems between them are a lack of love, a loss of mutual understanding, abnormal, when in fact the relationship simply goes through all stages of its development. The longer partners stay together, despite the problems that arise, the more they lose their childishness, naivety and gradually gain understanding of each other.

Stages of relationships between men and women

Many adults and fully educated people believe that the strength of their love relationships requires feelings that usually arise at the very beginning of their acquaintance. Psychologists say that feelings initially only bring people together, but are not responsible for how long these partners will be together. All relationships pass certain stages of its development, which, if passed, will allow us to achieve a truly strong union:

1. The first stage is called falling in love, or candy-bouquet period, which is considered the most pleasant and exciting. Many people break up after he leaves because they don’t understand why their feelings are fading away. In fact, those disturbances that are caused by a person’s psychological state under the influence of hormones that influence the functioning of the brain disappear. In a state of love, a person thinks that his partner is the main and most significant. He directs all his attention to him, often idealizing him. However, after 1-1.5 years, love passes. If people cannot come to terms with the reality in which they actually live, then they begin to talk about the fading of feelings and the need to separate.
2. The second stage is called satiation, when a person becomes increasingly aware that he love feelings pass, and he is gradually forced to face reality more and more. Here he begins to look for the answer to the question of how to return old feelings. However, the person simply does not understand that he wants to return that explosion of hormones that euphorically affect his brain. If the partners remain, then the old feelings can be returned only for a short time. If partners cannot bear the lack of feelings, then they break up in order to fall in love with someone again, that is, to cause another euphoria in their heads.
3. The third stage is called rejection. Here, partners finally begin to notice each other's shortcomings. People fall in love for their virtues. And the appearance of shortcomings makes you think that the person has been deceived. If an individual thinks that he made a mistake with his choice, that he was deceived, that his partner was pretending, then he begins to look for reasons to break up with him. In fact, people originally had both advantages and disadvantages. It’s just that at first some of them were not noticed, ignored under the influence of hormones, and the rest were passed over eyes and ears so as not to spoil their euphoric feelings. When hormones stop creating “rose-colored glasses,” people begin to break up.
4. The fourth stage is called humility, when partners begin to learn to live with each other, noticing their strengths and weaknesses. Those who did not want to leave focus their energy on building their love relationships. All people have shortcomings, which is well understood by those who refused to separate, since their choice was not wrong. Either people learn to come to terms with each other's shortcomings, or they continue to search for their ideals, each time being disappointed that they are not found. In a love relationship, respect is important when a person accepts the whole partner, and not just the good side.
5. The fifth stage is called service, when partners no longer just respect each other, but even begin to protect each other’s interests.
6. The sixth stage is characterized by mutual respect, when partners already value each other not for some actions, but in general. This is where trust comes into play.
7. At the seventh stage, love arises, which is characterized by that down-to-earth and calm attitude towards your partner, when you know him well, perceive him with all his advantages and disadvantages, do not try to change him, and even find something familiar in him.

The beginning of a relationship between a man and a woman

At the beginning of a relationship, psychologists advise following your feelings. At first everything should be easy and pleasant. Only in such a state will it be possible to find a person with whom you can live your whole life, despite the fact that he will have shortcomings. There is no need to start your relationship with reproaches and complaints. It’s better to separate immediately if your partner is not happy with something.

The approach becomes quite erroneous when a person thinks that he can change his partner. There is no need to change anyone. It is better to immediately find someone who attracts you, and then learn to live with his shortcomings.

At the beginning of a relationship, people are united by intimacy. This is an important part of a relationship that cannot be ignored. You should allow yourself to enjoy intimacy, so that later it will be easier to solve other issues.

Development of relationships between men and women

A man and a woman build their relationships differently. As a result, matriarchal, patriarchal, everyday or inspirational relationships are formed. Whatever the relationship, psychologists say that it should suit both partners.

For relationships to develop, partners need:

1. Maintain your integrity and independence from each other. No need to merge. Keep your interests, hobbies, desires and part of the life that you want to continue, despite the relationship that has appeared. Stay intact and allow your partner to live their own life too.
2. Maintain equal rights. A man and a woman are equally responsible for everything that happens between them. There are no superiors and inferiors, more or less guilty. Both are equal in their rights and responsibilities.
3. Show respect. Appreciate your partner for who they are, which will allow you to remain who you are.

What is a love relationship between a man and a woman in the end?

A love relationship between a man and a woman should be built exclusively according to the scenario that is most acceptable to them. It should be understood that the relationship will develop, the feelings that appeared at the beginning will soon fade away. However, this does not mean a lack of love. In fact, it has not yet existed, since the partners are just beginning to get to know each other, learn to live together and show respect.

The psychology of the beginning of a relationship between a man and a woman is a fragile and vulnerable structure.

Just touch it - with a careless word or a rash act - and the dreams of love turn into thunderstorms of misunderstanding and resentment, and the happiness that barely appeared on the horizon instantly crumbles like a mirage. It’s not for nothing that people say “love is timid”... what’s wrong is that it breaks the bridle and looks for the wind in the field!

Why do strangers get terribly worried on the eve of their first date, struggling with their own fears and thoughts: “I won’t like me,” “What will I tell him?”, “How to behave?”, “I’ll look like an idiot!” and similar settings? The answer is obvious. Past failed relationships tie you up, so it’s hard to believe in the success of a new acquaintance. Go figure out who you see when you first meet: another person or a blurry image through a prism ex-partner? “He wouldn’t do that…”, “she definitely wouldn’t say that” – familiar thoughts?
What happens is that at the very beginning of a relationship between a man and a woman there are already three, four, and even more: two companies from the sad past communicate with each other, and the main characters of this story are lost among them, unable to collect their fragmented selves.

Add goals to this

why they rush in search of love:

• in desperation to drown out the pain of breaking up with a former partner and fill the inner emptiness. You will object - yes, what’s bad? Only in psychology can one cope with emptiness in one way - to find its cause and uncreate it. Otherwise, over time, no matter what you fill it with, the “hole” will only deepen,
• fear of loneliness,
• desire for sex,
• take revenge on your ex
• be like everyone else: “my friends have been married for a long time, but am I worse?!”
• increased desire to have a child “before it’s too late”,
• get rid of parental care and change location,
• ... here name your reason why you needed to connect your life with another person. Just don’t cheat if your current relationship is at least somehow dear to you.

There are hundreds of reasons for starting a relationship, but, alas, there are only a few for love. One of my clients answered the question: “Why did you get married?” She calmly answered: “Because my husband’s parents promised to buy us an apartment.” Alas, the story ended in divorce, even the children did not help. Another example: a girl suffered from moral and physical violence from the father's side. It’s not difficult to guess what she constantly dreamed of – a protector. As a result, out of many contenders for her hand and heart, she chose the tallest and most powerfully built guy. The result of this psychology is divorce after 15 years of marriage. Of course, the family broke up not only for this reason, but “whatever you call the boat, that’s how it will float.” What to do?

How to start a relationship wisely?

Do not rush. And figure it out:

• Why do you really need a relationship? What do you expect from them?
• The thought “I need him/her” is often present. Listen (!) - at the beginning of a relationship you are already pulling the blanket over yourself. Feel the difference: “what can I GIVE him or her?” and “I EXPECT love and care from him.” Did you catch it? In nature, an outgoing flow generates an incoming flow, and nothing else! In other words, in order to receive something, you must first be able to give it. The expression of the famous psychologist Alan Eril came to mind: “I don’t need you, but I love you.” Think about it...
• What conclusions are drawn from past relationships? If they are akin to the aggressive “all women are with...”, and “men are with...”, before you have time to blink an eye, you will definitely meet just such people. In the case of victim psychology, a new tyrant is just around the corner. Without dealing with the past, the present will never come...

You may object, who would delve into themselves? Give up and plunge headlong into new passions. Your will. Does this exit remind you of anything? Forgetting, forgetting is akin to a drug... And what usually happens when the dope dissipates? Withdrawal. Draw conclusions.

If you listened, and the psychology of the beginning of a relationship between a man and a woman will really start from scratch,

• Don't insist on spending all your time together. Follow the golden principle of “touch and release.” Don't be afraid that you will lose, or that in your absence he/she will meet someone else. Your person will stay with you forever,
• leave others the right to personal space. Don’t expect or demand revelations, stories about past relationships, don’t change a person to suit you with comments on how to dress, what’s healthy to eat, what to enjoy, or what programs to watch,
• if the beginning of a relationship is not just flirting, and there are the beginnings of spiritual kinship, it is better to agree right away what you agree to in the relationship and what you don’t. Cleaning, cooking, other household issues, visiting relatives, hobbies; what I am willing to give up and what is sacred; attitude towards sex, children, animals - discuss what you consider important and necessary. This is called giving a person a factor of reality, and not feeding him with illusions,
• never expect anything
• Do not promise,
• respect, which means: recognition of the dignity of the individual, attention to his interests and beliefs, trust and the right to freedom,
• give love,
• and be yourself. Don't present yourself as a good-natured and polite person. Who are you trying to fool?.. Yourself? Sooner or later the decoration will fall off and show through real essence, and the partner will involuntarily ask the question: “Who did I live with all the time then?!”

If you use at least some of the above, the psychology of the beginning of a relationship between a man and a woman promises to be interesting and safe for both.

In couples, the relationship between a man and a woman goes through stages of development, during which lovers face problems in perceiving each other. Let's look at each stage and find out the reasons for the negativity that arises, as well as ways to strengthen relationships and avoid unnecessary scandals. So, let's begin!

The psychology of relationships is a specific definition, since each couple needs individual approach. Experts advise avoiding conflict situations. In their opinion, it is not recommended:

• speed up the development of events - this can quickly scare away the partner;
• put pressure on the chosen one;
• shift responsibility for making decisions to your significant other. Decisions should be made together, taking into account the needs of each individual.

An experienced professional in this field can help you understand the problems that have arisen. Many men are opposed to attending sessions with psychologists. In this case, specialized literature will help you understand how relationships develop in a couple. Highlight some popular books.

Useful literature

1. English psychologist Robert Johnson wrote the work “We. Deep aspects of romantic love”, based on theories put forward by Carl Jung. In this book, the author answers questions regarding love.

3. American psychotherapists Tina Tessina and Riley Smith released working together“How to live as a couple and remain free.” The work teaches how to avoid conflicts by creating free and at the same time strong alliances.

4 . BehrendtGreg and Tuccillo Liz - “Promising does not mean getting married, or he just doesn’t like you.” It will help you recognize in time the pointlessness of continuing the novel and protect yourself from mistakes.

5 . The host of a popular radio show in the United States, Harvey Steve, became famous thanks to the book “Act like a woman, think like a man.” This manual will help a woman understand the essence of a relationship with a man, understand the course of his thoughts, and recognize the reasons for this or that action.

Interesting!

Most of this literature is written experienced psychologists, which clearly describe problems that arise in pairs and methods of solution.

Reading such books will help you improve yourself, avoid unnecessary mistakes, and better understand yourself and your man.

Stages of relationship development

There are several stages during which conflict situations arise:

1. The first is mutual falling in love, accompanied by strong sexual attraction. On initial stage A common mistake is confidence in eternal, undying passion. Once convinced of the fallacy of such an opinion, disappointment often sets in. During this period, men and women have a sufficient amount of personal time. Right Relationships develop gradually, whirlwind romances rarely last long.
2. The second is uncertainty, which provokes doubts about the correctness of the choice, which often leads to distance and cooling of feelings. Both the guy and the girl have less personal space. If there is no mutual commitment at this stage, it is a consequence of the fact that you are moving in the wrong direction.
3. Third stage - constant desire to be together. For certain couples, the second stage leaves unsaid grievances or groundless jealousy. At this stage, you should get rid of such negativity.

After the relationship between a man and a woman goes through three initial stages, spiritual intimacy becomes a priority for further development. At this time, mutual trust is formed, without which it is impossible serious relationship. Having gone through all of the above, lovers most often create a real family.

The main mistake common to most lovers is excessively restricting the freedom of their other half.

You need to understand that each person should have his own personal space, where he can be alone with his thoughts or do business without the intervention of a loved one. This is a very important factor. His lovers take him into account very rarely.

Stages of relationships after marriage

Majority married couples The relationship between husband and wife also goes through successive stages:

• Happiness, a feeling of kindred spirits, complete mutual understanding and euphoria from what is happening. This stage lasts from several months to a year.
• After the stage of boundless happiness, there comes an oversaturation with each other. During this period, there is no former romance in people's behavior. Often such feelings arise after several years of family life.
• The problematic and painful stage is disgust. At this time, the spouses become disappointed in their own choices, which leads to the emergence of conflicts and groundless quarrels. Problems of this kind often lead to divorce.
• Having gone through a difficult stage of life together, the memory of marital obligations awakens. At this stage there is true friendship between close people, which is marked by the presence of mutual respect. This stage strengthens the relationship.
• From five years of marriage, spouses begin to cherish and appreciate each other, and the fear of losing their soulmate appears. Insecure people feel overly jealous.
• A sincere feeling, without reticence or falsehood, comes after ten years of married life.

To avoid unnecessary conflicts, you need to learn to listen to your spouse and try to avoid reproaches and manifestations of dissatisfaction.

Types of relationships

Let's highlight the following types inherent in our society.

1. Compatible on spiritual level. Complete mutual understanding in a couple. Available strong marriage, if spirituality coincides with physical side relationships, otherwise it is more typical for friendly relationships.

2 . Sexual compatibility. All this often lasts for more than one year without official legitimation, and is more often characteristic of lovers, and often leads to marriage. Not to be confused with compatibility at the physiological level, which is devoid of emotions other than bare desire and often ends with just sex.

3 . The relationship between two partners - in a pair, a guy and a girl complement each other and pursue mutual benefit. Characterized by the absence of strong sexual desire, which leads to coldness of feelings.

4 . Compatible on intellectual level- in this case there are common topics for conversations. A man and a woman will not be bored, however, there is no emotionality. Similar intimacy occurs among colleagues or friends.

5. Relationships built on conflicts are too common in couples. emotional people. Very often they lead to rupture.

6. Selfish behavior is characterized by attempts to correct the chosen one according to one’s standards. Most often it ends in rupture.

7 . Endless relationships - some, after parting, get back together after a while, without moral readiness. Over time, old grievances come out and everything starts all over again.

Regardless of the relationship model, it is important to remember that the meaning of conservation is only needed if this relationship is important to both.

Interesting!

Chinese wisdom says: “There are always ten steps between you and another person. If you do your high fives and don’t meet anyone, turn around and leave.”

The formula for shared happiness

To make the relationship between a man and a woman joyful, follow a few rules:

• If spending time together is accompanied by neuroses, low self-esteem and uncertainty, talk with your partner and identify the reasons for such a reaction. If this does not lead to improvements, such relationships should be terminated.
• A constant feeling of joy is the main key to success. Relationships that are built on habit, mutual humiliation, or financial gain are not happy. In addition, you should not continue to live with a person just for the sake of children.
• Confidence. Having complete trust says a lot. A life together built on lies is doomed from the very beginning.
• The opportunity to be sincere. If everyone perceives a partner with shortcomings, this is the key to a strong family for years to come.

Remember - to achieve comfort in marriage, both partners make efforts. Here is a statement that characterizes the relationship: “Love each other, but do not turn love into chains. Let it better be a troubling sea between the shores of your souls.”