How to get rid of a strong feeling of falling in love? How to get rid of falling in love: advice from a psychologist. Cure for Love

31.08.2019

Falling in love is a terrible disease that can lead to disaster in a person’s life.

How do you like this thesis? Too categorical? Yes, I agree, it's too much. But - and this is important - the overkill is small. One might say - just a slight exaggeration.

Let's start with the term. What is falling in love? This special condition human, which is characterized by some stable phenomena.

Professor Dorothy Tennow, in the shaggy year of 1979, identified the following phenomena characteristic of falling in love:

Obsessive thoughts (about the object of love);
- an acute need for reciprocal feelings (and at the same time - fear of rejection);
- concentration on searching for confirmation of reciprocity, hope for such confirmation, wishful thinking.
- constantly in high spirits (“like on wings!”), if there is reciprocity;
- ignoring or neglecting everything that does not concern falling in love (work, study, friends);
- idealization of the object of love (“he is ideal!”).

And to the heap - violation of sleep and eating patterns, cardiopalmus, dilated pupils. In general, of course, it doesn’t reach full-blown psychosis, but it’s close, close. Moreover, at the biochemical level, falling in love is ensured by phenylethylamine, which is close to amphetamines or, say, mescaline. Simply put, it is also an alkaloid.

By the way, the mentioned professor still considered that falling in love can be attributed to mental disorders and called this condition limerence. And her scientific followers are studying limerence in comparison with obsessive-compulsive disorders and the behavior of drug addicts. These scientists agree that limerence (falling in love) should not yet be included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, but, I quote, “we want to move in the direction of diagnosis, prognosis and treatment.”

In general, it is already obvious that with falling in love, not everything is as rosy as it is usually described in works of fiction.

Here, of course, it is necessary to make a reservation that falling in love (limerence) contains some gradations and it is incorrect to say that, say, ignoring other concerns is equally expressed in all people at once. Of course not. The strength of limerence varies from person to person.

Is falling in love always bad? Of course no. When a man or woman is not in any relationship and falls in love, this is very good (especially if they perform their work duties more or less tolerably).

Moreover, there is an opinion that falling in love is necessary for people to create some foundation of common positive experiences, on which love would then develop. That's probably true.

However, what if limerence occurs, for example, in a married man? And he impersonates not into his wife, but into a completely stranger?

In this state, our hero will definitely do a lot of business. His obsessive desire for this woman, reinforced by ignoring everything that does not apply to this woman, will certainly lead to stupid actions - for example, leaving the family or divorce.

In his right mind, he would not have done anything like this, but then - like some kind of clouding happened - he made a mess.

And then limerence will pass (and it does), and suddenly it turns out that new woman he doesn't like (what falling in love stronger, the stronger the rollback into hatred is usually), and to ex-wife you won't come back. Here is the disaster mentioned at the very beginning of the note.

Feeling in love with someone who doesn't want you can have a serious impact on your self-esteem and self-confidence. You may feel unhappy, dissatisfied with yourself, and even depressed. Obviously, you should get rid of unrequited feelings as quickly as possible. Therefore, it is worth studying tips that will help you get rid of feelings and start new life, and also forget about the pain caused by non-reciprocal love.

1. Accept the fact that this person doesn’t need you.

If one day you think that you are also not indifferent to your loved one, and then he disappears for a week, then there can be no talk of any love. Try to look at your feelings from a different perspective. Does this sound like a classic novel? If you can admit to yourself that your loved one does not need you, then you are on the right track.

The next time you want to make an appointment or call this person, think about how they usually treat you. Most likely, when you show him your love and care, you only get condescension in return. Do you want to be a slave crawling around your master's feet? It's better to do something more enjoyable.

2. Take a break

Out of sight, out of mind. This is what your motto should be if you really want to overcome unrequited love. Try to stay as far away from your loved one as possible. If you're having trouble doing this, your best bet is to go on a long trip where you won't be able to connect to the internet (and won't be able to check all his social media accounts!).

If you can't avoid this person completely, at least try not to think about him. Even if the person you love is in the same room as you, that doesn't mean you have to always think about them. Turn the flow of your thoughts in a different direction. Think about your personal dreams and desires rather than the happiness in your relationship.

3. Find someone with the same problems

You are not the only person who has relationship problems. Many people suffered because of unrequited love, but were able to overcome it. Tell your loved ones about your experiences. Ask them what they did to get rid of this pain. Sometimes all you need is to be heard simple words: "I know what you mean".

However, many people make the mistake of starting to enjoy discussing this topic. This way you will constantly think about your loved one and will not be able to forget about him. You just need a few conversations with the right person to feel better.

If you don't feel like talking about personal problems, art will come to the rescue. Unrequited love has always been an extremely popular topic, and you can easily find many books and films that can help you deal with your feelings.

4. Take care of yourself

Preoccupation with one's own dark thoughts often leads to self-neglect. Even if you only feel pain and can't do anything about it, take care of your appearance and health. Accept warm bath With salt. Make a delicious cup of herbal tea. Go shopping. Change your hairstyle.

Don't contact bad habits, for example, start smoking (or smoking more than usual) and drinking. Do not make rash decisions, especially if they are dangerous to your health or life. Perhaps you decide to engage in self-destruction in the hope that the person you love will see this and understand how bad you feel. But this is an illusion. You will get nothing but problems and nerves.

5. Exercise

There are many ways to restore emotional balance. The most effective are physical exercise, as they can help you get rid of negative feelings. Start jogging every morning or go to a fitness class. Join the gym or pool. Learn to ride a horse - you will gain a lot positive emotions spending time with animals.

If you want to combine sports and art, start dancing. Do this at home or go to a dance studio for tango or rumba lessons. You will have fun and keep fit at the same time.

6. Give up useless dreams

An old Indian proverb says: if your horse is dead, walk. Don't indulge in hopeless dreams. Expecting someone to love you can be very destructive. If you see that the person you love does not make time for you, there is no need to justify it. He does not show his love not because of natural shyness, but simply because it does not exist.

If a person doesn't love you, he can find a thousand excuses not to spend time with you. Imagine yourself in the same situation: if you don't feel like going on a date or a party, you probably find a reason not to do it.

7. Don't get angry

Love failures are a part of life. And even if something didn’t go according to plan, you shouldn’t hate yourself and everyone around you and be angry at all men. Believe me, you will meet your person again. Also, you should not wish failure on your loved one - after all, he is not obliged to sacrifice his happiness for you.

Put yourself in the shoes of this person: are you ready to live your whole life with someone you regret? It’s better to remember all the good things that happened between you and continue to live with a smile on your face.

8. Personal motto

Think like a philosopher. Create a personal motto for yourself and always remember it when you feel depressed. This short phrase should restore your inner peace and make you believe in a better future. King Solomon had a ring with the inscription: “This too shall pass.” Remember these words and your life will become much easier.

Falling in love is a terrible disease that can lead to disaster in a person’s life.

How do you like this thesis? Too categorical? Yes, I agree, it's too much. But - and this is important - the overkill is small. One might say - just a slight exaggeration.

Let's start with the term. What is falling in love? This is a special human condition, which is characterized by some stable phenomena.

Professor Dorothy Tennow, in the shaggy year of 1979, identified the following phenomena characteristic of falling in love:
- obsessive thoughts (about the object of love);
- an acute need for reciprocal feelings (and at the same time - fear of rejection);
- concentration on searching for confirmation of reciprocity, hope for such confirmation, wishful thinking.
- constantly in high spirits (“like on wings!”), if there is reciprocity;
- ignoring or neglecting everything that does not concern falling in love (work, study, friends);
- idealization of the object of love (“he is ideal!”).

And to the heap - disturbances in sleep and eating patterns, rapid heartbeat, dilated pupils. In general, of course, it doesn’t reach full-blown psychosis, but it’s close, close.

In general, it is already obvious that with falling in love, not everything is as rosy as it is usually described in works of fiction.

Is falling in love always bad? Of course no. When a man or woman is not in any relationship and falls in love, this is very good (especially if they perform their work duties more or less tolerably).

Moreover, there is an opinion that falling in love is necessary for people to create some foundation of common positive experiences, on which love would then develop. That's probably true.

However, what if limerence occurs, for example, in a married man? And he impersonates not into his wife, but into a completely stranger?

In his right mind, he would not have done anything like this, but here, like some kind of clouding, he messed up.

And then the limerence will pass (and it does), and suddenly it turns out that he doesn’t like the new woman (the stronger the love, the stronger the fall back into hatred, usually), and he won’t return to his ex-wife. Here is the disaster mentioned at the very beginning of the note.

That's why I say that falling in love is a terrible disease. And calling it this is only a slight exaggeration.

Now it would be appropriate to discuss the issue of treatment. Well, within the framework indicated above (that is, taking into account that limerence was not introduced into the “Manual”). So - how to get rid of falling in love?

There are two main treatments: behavioral and cognitive.

The behavioral one is very simple - stop any contact with the object of love (it is best, of course, at the very beginning, as soon as you feel the signs of limerence). Any contacts are just that, any, including social networks and SMS. The best option here - go into the wilderness and sit there for three months. Then it will work.

The cognitive method is divided into two methods.

1. The decision “I will only be with my spouse.” You need to make a clear, meaningful decision and follow it. Then limerence will not fall on you.

However, there is one catch. This should be a fresh decision, one might say, a morning one. If this decision was made a hundred years ago, nothing will work. The “I will only be with…” decision needs to be constantly updated.

Then, thanks to the mechanism of cognitive dissonance, everyone except the partner will seem less attractive (see details in the note). And since everyone except the legal spouse is less attractive, then falling in love will not happen.

2. Presence of a cognitive barrier. This is both difficult and simple at the same time. This is simply why - it’s enough to know that falling in love is a disease, and it won’t stick. In fact, by reading this note, you have already contributed to the creation of this cognitive barrier.

Strictly speaking, if the entire machine of culture - songs, books, films, legends - worked to recognize falling in love as limerence, then there would be no problems. A cognitive barrier would be created and work perfectly.

And it’s difficult because now the entire cultural machine works to idealize falling in love. And, therefore, destroys the cognitive barrier. Therefore, if you create it, you have to build a complex system of defense against cultural pressure.

Well, at the end of the day, one more behavioral trick. To deal with limerence, start living together. Very soon it will evaporate and you will be cured.

If you want to know more about emotions, .

That's all I have, thanks for your attention.

Here are some more notes on a similar topic:

The entry was published by the author in the category ,.

How to get rid of falling in love: 119 comments

Alyona
Pasha, how timely they sent me the link to this article, I’m literally crying.
Please clarify - “in comparison (with) obsessive-compulsive disorders” - two “s” are missing, I think so.
Repeat what you wrote like a mantra. Every morning, along with a cup of coffee. Well, use your brain, yes. Awareness is our everything.
And about culture, I’ve long been infuriated by all these “I can’t love” things that are glorified and filmed. She will die for him - but living for him (especially with him) is much more difficult! 🙂
Anna
That is, to summarize the above, a person in love is a person with a clouded consciousness. Essentially what he cares about is not the real person with whom he is in love, but a certain perfect image, which in this moment projected onto this particular person. A loving person is one who does not idealize his partner, knows his shortcomings, but at the same time this partner is still dear to him for some reason (if it is clear why it is EXACTLY not love?)
Anonymous
Or maybe, Pavel, you can write a note on how to become infected with this love?))) It seems to me that for family relations, where a husband and wife are mutually in love with each other - this is wonderful)))
scarecrowd
I will not give myself away, my caution is not in vain:
The more pleasant the beginning, the nastier and more terrible the ending...

(C) Olga Pulatova. "A man with thirty-three features." A very witty song about that same love.
sms
why when life together Is love fading and not strengthening?
bloom
I always suspected that I was a “hormonal addict.” I’ve been in a relationship for quite some time now, which generally suits me, but if I didn’t notice other men before, then now Lately It turned out that there are a lot of them around, and among them there are interesting, talented, etc. and damn, how sometimes you want to slip into this very love. keeping yourself on the edge and turning back always costs titanic forces..
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post author
  Awareness of the disease is the first step to recovery :)
2. Inna
  bloom, as I understand you! She's the same! And, for me. It's so boring without love! Well, of course, I don’t want to make a mess, but these heart-stopping moments... Such beauty!
Natalia
how good! it turns out I normal person and on the right track! sometimes I get carried away, but it weighs me down so much, I directly feel this irregularity, this emotional viscosity instead of lightness and transparency, I really feel sick. We even developed our own methods to get out of this state))).
Vladimir
Yeah, falling in love is an episode of hypomania. Well, or mania in general :)
Masha
The note is simply wonderful. I would also add that you can get the “ snow queen”, when the love is not mutual and the option of “living together” is not possible. You can exclude all contacts and experience withdrawal symptoms, but then you definitely cannot avoid the syndrome.
Valeria
Hello!)
And if such a condition, and all the mentioned symptoms have lasted for 2 years, is it time to go to the doctor (to be thoroughly treated;)?, to the cemetery (because the emotional intensity is difficult to bear) or is this already love?!;))):)))
It's a serious question, for real.
Alexei
Hello!
Thanks for the note, but...
I can’t stop contacts - we work together. I'm also the boss...
It has been in the described condition for a year now. That long time I calmly observe and quietly rejoice at the presence of the object, then I begin to look for “signs of confirmation.” And so from a sluggish (long-term state), I move into an active (short) one until I understand that I’m wrong with the signs or there are suspicions of potential partner this woman...
I want a pill that will let me go in no time ((
Anastasia
Pavel, is it possible to somehow save my husband from falling in love? Naturally, he is not in love with me, but is going to marry the object of his love, for which he is now divorcing me and has almost stopped communicating with our child. And I would wish him happiness and let him go in peace, but he was so “out of his mind” that he began to commit outright meanness towards my son and me, and I’m afraid to even imagine how it will end litigation... It’s clear that our family no longer exists, but I want to part ways peacefully and not constantly expect knives in the back. How can you return a person to normal? Thank you
1. Pavel Zygmantovich Post author
  Pavel, is it possible to somehow save my husband from falling in love?
  _Alas, only he himself can do this. Six months will pass and he will sober up.
  1. Anastasia
    Hmm, what if six months have already passed? Or do you mean six months from the beginning of your life together, and not from the beginning of falling in love?
    
    Another question, if you don’t mind... You write “the stronger the love, the stronger the rollback into hatred, usually,” and in what cases does this rollback occur? After all, love doesn’t always turn into hatred, does it? Probably, more often than not, it’s love?
    
    And also, does the appearance of love (for the husband) for an object on the side mean that there was no love (for the wife)? As I understand it, this means the absence of a nutritious and safe environment in the family, otherwise love would not have arisen (probably?), but as for love in the family, that means it didn’t exist either?
Elena
Oh thank you)))
Are there such limerents or something? them - for years suffer.
I will need your article for work,
thanks again.
Anastasia
“Anastasia, let’s be honest - what question do you really want to hear the answer to?” - I do not know. I've been in complete confusion and confusion in my head for six months now. Probably as usual - “who is to blame and what to do”?)) Or “what happened, what will happen and how will the heart calm down?”)) But no one will answer these questions, I understand.
Asking “how could this have been prevented?” it's already late. Some time ago, the question “Can something be fixed?” was still relevant, but now such a thing has come out of the person that I already seriously doubt that my child and I ever meant anything to my husband.
Will a person be able to at least realize what he has done and just leave us alone? Otherwise, he decided to take revenge on us because my son and I “interfered with his happiness.” I think that's what worries me the most right now. The strongest feeling I feel now is fear for our future with the child, and all questions are related only to this. Forgive me, Pavel, for my flow of emotions, I’ve been reading you for a long time, but I decided to write for the first time.
Svetlana Kipiani
Just. Laconically. Clearly.
And most importantly, a very useful article.
Tatiana
Pavel, please tell me how to get rid of falling in love if you can’t avoid contact? We work together, we sit in the same office. Changing jobs is not an option.
She’s already made a mess of things and left her husband.

Help me please)
Anyuta
Pavel!) And yet it’s interesting to know alternative view. I may be upset, but I won’t be offended - I really respect your opinion.
Anyuta
Thanks for the answer, Pavel! They didn’t offend me.))) I thought about it. What do you mean by “little things” that you need to be able to enjoy? And where can you read about ways to develop greater sensitivity in yourself?
Zhanna
And yet the state of being in love is wonderful!!! There is only a moment, but WHAT!!! This is the flight of the Soul!!! You can always stop, but NEVER forget this magical state!!!

Thank you, Pavel!!! Thank you!!!
Tatiana
Pavel, what if this love hits you over and over again?
The person is the same) We broke up a long time ago. Both he and I are married.
But as soon as we cross paths (on the Internet, congratulations on something, a personal meeting - this is only a couple of times in many, many years, despite the fact that I’m not specifically looking for communication, I deliberately distance myself) - that’s it, my roof goes away for a couple of months, guaranteed . The county is one-sided (well, I think so, otherwise it would still show itself somehow). I don’t even know whether, fortunately or unfortunately, it is one-sided...
And this despite the fact that at first I thought that everyone had broken up, there were no feelings, etc. Then I caught myself that I was able to throw away his letters only after being married for 6 years..., telling myself that that’s it, this is not necessary, we will not meet again, I am married, I have children, etc.
And then “classmates”... like a bolt from the blue, it hit me... the marriage was on the verge of collapse (note that we don’t have a relationship!). I survived, there was six months of withdrawal symptoms. And now every congratulation brings blood to the head, ringing in the ears, thoughts in flight. It's good that this doesn't happen often. Because he always kicks me out after them... I myself try not to always even congratulate - so as not to intrude (I understand, my cockroaches, a person can react normally, he doesn’t know about my torment). For several years now. Is it my wild imagination? Or is the relationship simply unfinished?
Because now I have another visit... But then it seems to me that he saw through me, suspected something was wrong (because there were 2 personal meetings within a month - one by chance, the second on his initiative, after many years of not meeting, plus some time correspondence in network), now (it seems to me) deliberately avoids communication. And how bad I feel... I understand that all this is not necessary, he is married, we will not have a relationship. It throws me off balance too.
But now on my part everything is complicated by the fact that I am in the process of divorce, so there can be no decision to stay with my husband.
It's the love itself that worries me. Which has been catching up and catching up with me again for so many years, despite the fact that before there was a decision to live with my husband and a cognitive barrier.
What am I doing wrong?
Natalia
Pavel, you are too categorical, as always. Composer
Dunaevsky married 7 times and each time he was happy with a new muse, he left each wife an apartment, without suppressing his feelings and without mocking his psyche.
Several businessmen I know have divorced and remarried, and each family has children.
Categoricalism is a rather harmful mental category - it can deprive many people of happiness
Alexei
Those. Should a marriage be arranged only by convenience? love marriage failed?
Alyona
Paul! Let me confess my love to you!))))) (not love)))
No matter what article I read, I’m absolutely delighted!
in love
I understand that falling in love is like a drug, if it doesn’t turn into love and doesn’t stop. Yes? I have several questions at once: I
1) I heard from one psychologist that when a person often falls in love, this indicates a lack of serotonin in his body, which he makes up for with these feelings of euphoria during falling in love. that is, if this is so, then by replenishing serotonin from other sources, you can avoid falling in love?
2) I didn’t understand about the cognitive barrier. Just realize that falling in love is like a disease and will definitely pass?
3) regarding the “solution”: what if you are not married, but you love a person who left. what is the solution here?
4) perhaps I misunderstood something, but the described methods of getting rid of falling in love are essentially suppression. But if you suppress something, won’t it turn out the other way around—even worse?

Thank you for your answers.
Sveta
Paul, Good evening) Interesting article, thank you! It seems that from the point of view of logic and reason everything is correct and can be a consolation in similar situations. Emotions run high and the brain can’t cope. Behavior changes. But then, from the point of view of the Soul, as far as I understand, are you an expert in this particular area? Why did nature invent love in people?))
Tatiana
Having been married for 15 years, I fell in love. She lived another 3 years of marriage while already in love with another man. The husband knew. Divorced from her husband, separated from her lover. I don’t consider divorce, falling in love, or breaking up with a lover to be a mistake. This is my life, and it is beautiful either with love or with parting. Falling in love is wonderful, just like admiring a beautiful landscape, a wonderful person, or being indignant, outraged by injustice, sometimes feeling sad. Living on one emotional note is boring.
Alexandra
Hello Pavel!
Thank you very much for the useful and interesting articles!
I have this situation.
My husband fell in love at work (the feelings are mutual). But the girl did not want to develop a relationship with him because she found out that he was married.
My husband did not hide anything from me and did not wait.
He immediately told me everything and went to live in a rented apartment.
A couple of weeks later he began to live with his “beloved” together.
As soon as they had sex, he immediately demanded an immediate divorce from me, because the “beloved” was bothered by the stamp in the passport.
He says he is not going to return.
The husband admitted that he already dreams of having children together with her.)
He and I have a daughter whom he loves very much.
He says that I haven’t beckoned him for a long time, but everything about her beckons. And that we are different people.
!!!All these wonderful events are developing indecently quickly: fell in love, left, let’s get a divorce. About a month passed from start to finish. Now it’s been two months since he lives with us.

Although, before all the events, he said that he didn’t need anyone, and our family was the most precious thing in his life.
My husband is 39. From the outside, it seems to me that he is having an age-related crisis, and soon he will come to his senses and return with repentance.
If this doesn’t happen, it means I never knew my husband and, in general, I don’t understand anything in life.
Dear Pavel, what is your forecast?
Thank you!
1. Alexandra
  I'll add.
  My husband and I have been together for 17 years.
  I read your article “how long does an affair last?” =)
  The thing is that he did not develop this romance on the side, but IMMEDIATELY left home.
  Throughout his life, he was always in a hurry in everything.
2. Pavel Zygmantovich Post author
  Good afternoon, Alexandra.
  
  Forgive me for my directness - I understand that this is not what you want to hear, but what can you do... I don’t know how events will develop. And no one knows. Maybe he will stop loving her just as quickly and return. Maybe not. You are trying to find an answer that does not and cannot exist. This is futile and harmful.
Anna
Thank you very much for your note, Pavel! This is the number of times I return to it, the description of falling in love is like that in general - I recognize myself in every word 🙂 Only here’s the problem, I have a chronic illness that I can’t cure in any way. Work in men's team, and in general, my specialty is male, and I constantly fall in love with my colleagues. I changed jobs, departments, projects, all the same, there is always someone for whom feelings flare up again, consistently 1-2 times a year. This has been going on for 8-9 years, of which I have been married for almost 5))) And I already know and understand everything, no flirting or attempts to achieve reciprocity, the decision to be with my husband has been made and is not discussed. And every time I try not to fall in love. But it's still like Groundhog Day. And I’m almost used to it, but all these experiences are very tiring, and it also has a bad effect on work when you constantly have to switch your thoughts from “oh, how cool he is” to work issues through an effort of will) Doctor, can this be cured? What am I doing wrong? Please advise me something, Pavel!
Tatiana
Hello, Pavel.
Due to the fact that I have fallen in love more than once, and I know what it is, having fallen in love this time, having been in a marriage for more than five years, which I consider happy, with a man who is almost 10 years younger than me, naturally I didn’t even I admit thoughts about some kind of extramarital relationship.
Nevertheless, I regularly see this man, and in public, and I am very angry that I involuntarily lower my eyes and become embarrassed, like a schoolgirl, when meeting his gaze. I am sure that the man simply feels goodwill towards me, however, his feelings do not play any role in this situation at all. The stories of Anna Karenina and Emma Bovary always made the most painful impression on me.
But I am worried that people are not fools, you never know, someone will guess about my feelings, gossip will begin, my name and my husband will be gargled. Whether there is a effective technique stop acting like an idiot if contact cannot be avoided?
Hello Pavel. If you realize that a person has shortcomings, that he is far from ideal. But you still think he’s cool and it’s nice to communicate with a person, you’re glad to see him, hear him, then this is no longer love?
Lera
Pasha, good afternoon, that is, for example, a situation where I communicate with a martyr (daily for 2 months), then we meet once for a short time, meet and live together for a while twice (both trips to Europe, we live in different countries, I fell in love for a while, in response to his confession I heard “I like you” and “I like you even more” after the second meeting-vacation with a longer stay together - is this normal? Or was the person not hooked - I’m not his person / turned out to be unable to feel more due to some other reasons?

Falling in love, like a hurricane, bursts into our lives through tightly closed windows, leaving no chance for the former calm and measured existence.

Situations are different, for some, falling in love is like a breath of fresh sea air, Lifebuoy on the endless waters of boredom, dullness and hopelessness. But for some, falling in love becomes a real nightmare, destroying life, previous beliefs and moral principles.

Do you feel like you have completely lost sleep, lost your appetite and can’t do your usual activities normally? All your joys lie only in “his” eyes, a smile or a fleeting phrase? Are you ready to give everything for a few minutes of “his” attention? Even if you are married or in a committed relationship.

Even if he is twice your age or, on the contrary, fit to be a son. The feeling of falling in love in such situations does not lead to anything good, and, often, threatens unpleasant consequences: family destruction, sagging work, deteriorating health, loss of mental balance, and so on. If you feel that something similar happened to you, then it would be useful to find out how you can get rid of strong feeling falling in love.

Infatuation and love. What is the difference?

To begin with, you should understand that falling in love and the feeling of love are two concepts that, although they have similar features, are still fundamentally different from each other. Every person who experiences an all-consuming feeling of falling in love always has the same question in their head: “What if it’s her?”, “If this is true love?”

It is always scary to miss something especially important and valuable in your life; such questions greatly torment those who are already married and find themselves at a crossroads of two roads, not knowing which one is right.

On the one hand - a strong and familiar marriage, family and even, perhaps, children, and on the other - feelings, bright emotions, which were so lacking before and without which life takes on completely gray colors.

Not a single scientist in the world has been able to give precise definition these two feelings, but still there is a number general criteria, which allow us to distinguish between infatuation and love. Falling in love is a rich, bright and exciting feeling, which, alas and ah, has a short lifespan and ends as suddenly as it begins.

Love is what often comes after falling in love, but not always, a stronger and more fundamental feeling, less intense and intoxicating, however, providing a solid basis for long-term joint and happy life. The fundamental difference between a person in love and a lover lies in his consciousness: the latter knows and accepts the shortcomings of his half, while a lover does not see the shortcomings at all.

When falling in love is an unnecessary obstacle

Oddly enough, but all those wonderful feelings and impulses that are attributed to falling in love are not always its faithful companions. During this period of life, all emotions become sharper, and sometimes so much so that they are reflected in all areas of life: a person’s behavior changes, his mental condition and sometimes even health.

Unfortunately, the feeling of inspiring happiness is not always the main companion of falling in love; it is often accompanied by suffering, progressive jealousy, constant feeling longing for the object of longing, and in the case of unrequited feelings - a feeling of one’s own inferiority.

At this stage, it is very important to stop, think about whether the fleeting smile of “this or that one” is worth your health and peace of mind, if not, then move on and look for solutions to the current situation.

According to experts, falling in love is a kind of disease, but the causative agent is not a virus, but fleeting impressions of something seen or heard. It can arise from a smile, a single action or look, and it becomes unimportant to the person what the object of desire actually is.

At this moment, the human body produces a certain hormone that participates in the biochemistry of our brain and provokes all those strange sensations. Everyone, without exception, is susceptible to this inexplicable feeling: girls and boys, men and women, regardless of age, status and race, but not everyone knows how to cope with it, which sometimes turns into a real disaster.

How to get rid of being in love?

There may be many reasons why you decided to get rid of an unnecessary feeling, perhaps it is irreciprocity or unequal relations, yes, anything, the main thing is to clearly understand how much you need it.

There are also many methods that explain what to do in such situations, but almost all of them are based on the radical eradication of everything connected with the object of desire. This includes deleting shared photographs, correspondence, letters, perhaps gifts and meaningful souvenirs - nothing should remind you of a difficult feeling.

Try not to overlap; if you are employees of the same office, you may have to say goodbye to your job or transfer to another group. It’s curious, but often all attempts to get rid of love end there: the person simply does not find how to fill the void created after diligent getting rid of it, and returns to square one.

In this case, the support of family and loved ones becomes important, as well as a change in your social circle - try to find yourself in a place where you have never looked before. It’s important to fill all that time that you’re used to sighing for your “love” with something new and exciting: let it be sports, yoga or couple dancing, who knows, maybe this is your calling.

A good option is to go on a long trip, if possible, stay in the place where you liked best, make it a point to learn something new every day.

So, you yourself will not notice how your life will be filled with new colors, and the place of old love will be filled with love for the world around you, new hobbies and, perhaps, real and strong feelings, which, this time, will already be appropriate. Open up new horizons!

Depending on the depth of the experience and the degree of vulnerability of the individual, a visit to to a good psychologist. If you don’t find one, then be sure to share your experiences with someone close to you, let it be the one you trust most. Sometimes speak out and hear a fresh look from the outside - much more effective than throwing away photos or gifts.

It happens that you suffer from unrequited love or your loved one unexpectedly decides to leave you. How to get rid of love for a person that gives you nothing more than suffering? Where to put your feelings and how to turn this page of your personal life?

Although they say that no one knows what love is, in fact this is not so and psychologists have long considered it to be something like a sudden mental disorder.

And indeed, euphoria gives way to depression, a feeling of strength gives way to complete passivity, peace gives way to excitement. If we describe all the signs abstractly, then any neurologist can classify this condition as acute psychosis and offer to undergo a course of treatment.

Unfortunately, if it occurs to anyone to treat falling in love, it is only when it has entered its advanced phase and treatment has almost no success.

That is why, if you want to get rid of a feeling of love that does not bring you joy, it is better not to start the process and get to work immediately after breaking up.

How to get rid of unhappy love

Try to understand the problem from the logical side. What do you get when you fall in love? Are there any benefits to this feeling? After all, in any case, even when the love is mutual, it brings nothing but excitement. Lovers quarrel periodically, it overwhelms you negative emotions, is it worth making your peace of mind dependent on another person?

The most severe form of slavery is voluntary slavery. Isn’t this exactly the form of painful love? You have to spend a lot of nerves and energy, not to mention time, to get rid of love, and what could you get in return, even if this person remained with you, his indifference?

Look closely at the object of your passion. Doesn't he have flaws? And over the years they will only become even more noticeable.

The vaccination method works great when we're talking about about love. In other words, in order to avoid becoming seriously ill with love, allow yourself to break away from time to time. Start a small affair, and as soon as it starts to move into a serious phase.

Cut him off mercilessly. After several such experiments, you can be sure that you are reliably insured against love. Just try not to overdo it, as in large doses the medicine can become poisonous.

First method: Distraction by activity

Often, people make the mistake of trying to get rid of love and engaging in self-hypnosis such as: “I don’t love him (her) anymore,” “I won’t think about him (her),” “I’m not interested in anything that happens to him (her).” ) connected”, etc. But such auto-training leads to the opposite result.

A person literally zombifies himself with such thoughts, since these attitudes force him to return again and again to the memories of experienced moments and everything connected with them.

Therefore, you should switch your attention and engage in useful activities so that there is no free time left. Go in for sports - physical exercise It helps a lot to “not have to think about anything.” In addition, change your hobby, go to the pool, visit cultural places, go on a business trip out of town or abroad, etc.

Second method: Not quality, but quantity

This method can be said to be mandatory. Its essence is as follows: have an affair with a man, or better yet, more than one. Firstly, among several applicants there are more chances to choose a worthy one, and secondly, this will significantly increase self-esteem and you will gain a lot of positive emotions. Moreover, as practice shows, this method, especially in combination with the first, is quite easy, and most importantly, effective.

Third method: “Obsessiveness”

This is a backup way to get rid of love in case the first ones still didn’t help. Obsession consists of the following: to become satiated with the image of the “beloved” to such an extent that it becomes boring. To do this, post his photographs everywhere, if possible, listen to his voice until you get bored and want to get rid of him.

Fourth Method: Shock

Strong method, which turns the object of unhappy love into an antipathetic character. To do this, you need to imagine the image of your “beloved”, and then convince the brain by mocking the image so that the object of love turns into an ugly, repulsive character. This will help you get rid of the feeling of love.

Photoshop will come to the aid of a weak imagination. Make fun of the photo, hang the result on the wall and look at it often. To enhance the effect, you can write down all the negative character traits on paper and re-read them too. Imagine various situations and no matter how ugly, unworthy and vulgar your “beloved” could act in them.

And most importantly, remember that the light has not fallen like a wedge on anyone, and mutual reciprocity awaits you ahead. wonderful feeling With worthy person.

How to stop thinking about your loved one when a breakup occurs:

It is very difficult to experience a breakup with a loved one, especially since this pain cannot be treated medicines. But we are able to get rid of love and survive everything ourselves; we always have enough strength to make our lives better. It is clear that only time can fully change our thoughts, but we must help him and stop thinking about the person. Forgive this person, tell him “thank you,” because he was the one who showed you what you are capable of for the sake of love;

Forgive and let go, which means remove out of sight everything that reminds you of him. Yes, he is not with you, but he is alive, he is not crippled and that’s great. After all, you are alive, and you can be happy at any moment you want;

You shouldn’t plunge headlong into work, it’s still of little use, it’s better now to spend a lot of free time on yourself: fitness, cosmetologist, stylist, new friends, trips to Amazing places. Most the right way get rid of love and stop thinking about the person - become an object new love. Start attracting her from now on;

Be with your loved ones. Your depression has alienated the people closest to you and made you cold. Bring back the warmth into your heart and give it to your parents and children;

Don't you dare feel sorry for yourself. You are not disabled. You - beautiful creature, created for love. To stop thinking about a person, surround yourself beautiful things, pleasant aromas and interesting people.

Only time will help you get rid of unrequited love; it’s not for nothing that there is a saying “time heals.” Until it passes certain period time, it takes different periods of time for all people, you cannot completely forget about it.

However, you can help yourself with this, try to get rid of all the things that may remind you of your loved one, photographs, things, gifts. Talk to your loved ones and ask them not to remind you of him. Try to avoid visiting places you have visited together.

It helps a lot to get rid of love and stop thinking about a person - the motivation to start living in a new way, so to speak, with clean slate. You need to change something in your Everyday life, in his own image. Try changing your hairstyle, maybe dye your hair, buy new clothes, engage in self-knowledge and development, go in for sports, sports are an excellent way to heal mental wounds, and are also a good help for the formation of a new life. During your classes you will probably be able to meet a new person who will help you forget about your sorrows.

You can safely take care of yourself during this period, think about what you like to do most, think about what brings you joy. And allow yourself to bring these joys. As you become more confident, you will see that others are looking at you and you will realize that you attract and enchant them.

And when the question of how to stop thinking about your loved one does not bother you, you will live a new life. life to the fullest, with useful experience behind him.

What to do if you are overwhelmed with feelings:

In this case, stopping to think about a person is not an easy task. It’s so wonderful to just lie on the bed and remember the sweetest moments with your loved one. Oh! How many fantasies arise in your head, your soul sings! And everything around you is collapsing: the dishes aren’t being washed, work is standing still, the cat is hungry... Something’s also not very good... Since you are so inspired and feel that you can do anything, make a list of necessary things and start doing what you don’t want to do now. Time to meet your loved one it will go faster and with benefit, and you can stop thinking about the person for a while;

In moments of spiritual flight from love, we are able to do a lot in our lives, do not miss this opportunity. From time to time, your thoughts will still return to the object of your love, but how much can you do for him, for yourself, for your loved ones and become even better in the eyes of your loved one.