The child has constant tantrums, what should I do? How to deal with hysterics in a child? Effective advice from a psychologist

A 2-year-old child is hysterical: what to do? A fairly common occurrence among children under 2-3 years of age are. Children scream, lie down on the floor, stomp their feet, throw various things around. At such moments, adults who have recently become parents are confused and want to stop this as soon as possible. How to respond to tantrums? Half of the adults are very lost in this situation - the hysterical crying of a 2-5 year old child can drive anyone crazy. In order to skillfully cope with such conditions, it is important to understand their cause and know several methods of elimination.

Even the most flexible child of 2-3 years old stops obeying from time to time, and sometimes throws tantrums for any reason. Parents need to understand that this is a normal part of the developmental process. Children aged 2-3 years are trying to understand the world, and when they are unable to complete this task, they use only the tools that they have at their disposal. Tantrums in children often occur as a result of disappointment.

The root cause can be identified as the fact that children under the age of 5 are not yet able to fully control all the emotions that arise in them. The result is such, often uncontrollable manifestations.

As children grow up, their consciousness changes. And they have a hard time accepting the fact that before, wishes and other needs. And now there are rules that need to be followed. This offends the baby and often leads to protests that manifest as hysterics.
Over time, children begin to realize that there are certain rules that cannot be exceeded, but until they get used to this, such states can often be observed. How to calm your baby?

How to behave during hysterics?

• Show understanding. We should not forget that children are not yet able to control their emotions, but you can.
• Behave calmly and confidently. If you are faced with such a manifestation, balance is important. Your child's tantrums should not drive you crazy.
• . If you make it clear to your child at least once that throwing a tantrum will get him what he wants, there will be hysterics all the time.
• Be patient. There is no need to hope that the baby will quickly calm down, especially if the parents have already succumbed to his manipulations. It is necessary to behave calmly and consistently in each such situation and make it clear that you are not going to change your position. Then, over time, the child will understand that his manipulations do not make sense.
• It is very important to maintain consistency in all actions. If there is such a problem when the child does not understand what is permissible to do and what is unacceptable, this means that adults are inconsistent in their decisions and prohibitions. The parents allowed the child to doubt his word.
• When the hysteria is already in full swing, there is no point in fighting, you can try to pick up the baby and calm him down. Screaming and punishment are inappropriate in this situation.
• You can try to distract the child or take him to the room and tell him that you cannot communicate with him in this state, and be sure to talk to him when he calms down.
• When children play a lot in public and throw a lot of tantrums in public, it is important to go to where no one is there, and the need for hysterics will disappear. If you give in, it will be difficult to avoid repeated situations.
• In any case, remember that sooner or later the right approach hysterics for 2-3 years will end. The child will grow up, learn to manage emotions and express his desires in an adult way - with words and requests. Therefore, parents need to be patient and follow these simple tips.
• If so, then prepare it for him. soothing tea with linden, chamomile and honey, spend a little time with it before bed, read a fairy tale. Your calm voice will help your baby calm down and fall asleep.
• If a child throws tantrums after kindergarten, this means that there, most likely, he is holding back his emotions. Help your child get organized - you can arrange a small party for your child at home and invite his peers - children 2-5 years old.
• The hysterical crying of a baby often disturbs not only the parents, but also everyone who lives in the house. Ask them to be understanding too. If a child cannot sleep without hysterics, try to soundproof his room as much as possible so as not to disturb older children's sleep.

Crisis of 2-3 years of age

The age of 2-3 years is critical psychologically. By about 2-3 years of age, most parents experience drastic changes in their child’s behavior. A 2-year-old child has constant hysterics, endless no answers to all questions, refusals of usual daily rituals. My first thought: well, they spoiled me. But do not rush to blame yourself, because such behavior for a 2-year-old child is a psychological norm. A child’s two-year-old crisis - what are its causes and how to behave in such situations?

Hysteria in a 2-year-old child often occurs because at this age he begins to test his boundaries. If up to two years of age a child psychologically associates himself with his parents, imagining this organism as a single whole, then by two years of age his separation into independent personality. And here a logical question arises: what can an individual person do? Is it possible to do whatever you want, or are there any boundaries? Is it possible to get a lot? Who can stop? The kid begins research, and, of course, his results are not always to his liking. It’s such a shame when several people stand in the way of such a desired goal. This is where the hysterics and confrontations begin.

How to deal with hysterics? In order to help a child get comfortable in this world, give him experience in various communications, and make this period the least painful for both himself and the child, psychologists recommend that parents divide emerging situations into three zones.

There is a categorical no or impossible situation

Such situations clearly include any behavior that threatens the life or health of a child. For example, a 2-5 year old child needs to clearly know that he should never run away from his mother. This also includes some of your personal prohibitions that you, for some reason, want to establish for your child. Yes, there will be tears here. But this experience is also invaluable for the child, because he will know that not everything in this life happens solely according to his desire, and he will learn to accept it.

How to calm a child and ease the situation? If you want to take your child's offense away from you, you can come up with some third party, for example, a doctor who does not allow you to eat ice cream, and you cannot do anything about it. In addition, often a reasoned explanation of why you are prohibiting is enough to stop the tears. this action, many children at this age are already ready to accept your arguments and understand them.

It is important for parents to understand the following factors in this area. First: if you set a ban, it must always be followed, without exception, otherwise the child will no longer understand what they want from him. Second: the more rules and prohibitions you set, the more difficult it will be for your child in life. adult life accept independent decisions. Tantrums in a 2-year-old child should not prevent you from thinking sensibly.

Flexibility situations

Such situations are necessary for the child to gain the vital skills of flexibility, communication and negotiation. Invaluable experience. In what situations is this appropriate? For example, in such an eternal complex issue like watching cartoons.

All parents are faced with the same situation: p, you turn them on, and then he categorically does not allow them to be turned off and throws a tantrum. After all, at 2 years old, the child still does not understand why it was once possible, but now suddenly it is impossible. Try to give your child the opportunity to move the agreed boundaries. For example, after watching one cartoon, the baby cries and demands more, ask him what other cartoon he wants to watch and agree that you will allow him, but after that turn off the tablet. It is clear that after the second cartoon he will most likely start crying again, and, oddly enough, here too you can make one more concession, with two year olds this is quite acceptable, but it is advisable to make no more than two concessions. After the second concession, still turn off the tablet, despite the tears.

You'll be surprised how quickly your child's tantrum will end, even though you've turned everything off. And just while you were giving in, you did two very important things: firstly, you gave the child the opportunity to at least somehow influence the situation, to move the boundaries, and secondly, during the time of concessions, he managed to get used to the idea that sooner or It’s too late and you’ll still have to say goodbye to cartoons.

Such situations can be prevented, i.e. do not wait for the child to fall into hysterics at the end of the cartoon, but approach him while the cartoon is not over and begin to negotiate with him before he starts crying.

If a 2-year-old child does not listen, another useful device for parents in this area can be an ordinary alarm clock. Agree with your child that he will do something until the alarm clock rings. Then you can, for example, move this alarm clock if necessary. With this approach, you will reduce the negativity directed at yourself, because it is not your fault that the alarm clock has already rung. It is very useful for children 2-5 years old to have their own daily routine - the baby should sleep and walk at the same time, according to the schedule.

Situations without borders

It is this experience that allows us in adulthood to make independent decisions, make amazing discoveries, and achieve ambitious goals. Does he want to scatter all his toys around the room? Allow him, why not? Let him be the master of toys and his desires, even if he refused to put them back now. And if you want to be wiser, do not put them away, and invite him to put them back again, but later. If he agrees, he will gain the experience that his desires and decisions also have consequences.

All three zones described are very important for the formation life experience child. Of course, it is very difficult to always accept right decisions, find the one fine line between permissibility and permissiveness, if a child at 2 years old is constantly hysterical. It is even more difficult to do this when the child is crying hysterically, because this is always a test for parents; how can you calmly look at the tears of your beloved baby. But how competently the parents manage to get through this difficult period for them and the baby largely determines how their further interaction with the child will develop.

Children's tantrums frustrate and discourage parents. Let's look at the reasons that may prompt children to behave this way, as well as tips on how to act correctly during a child's tantrum.

Why is the baby capricious?

Hysteria in children can occur for a number of reasons...

• The child got sick. The baby begins to feel unwell, but he himself does not understand his condition. He may experience weakness and discomfort, but cannot explain this to his parents, so the child becomes hysterical
• The baby wants attention. Parents have many daily tasks. Mom needs to cook, wash, iron. At this time, the child is allowed to play or watch a cartoon on his own, but he refuses to do it alone. He wants his parents to keep him company, so he throws a tantrum.
• The child wants to achieve what he wants. For this reason, hysteria may arise, for example, in a store due to the fact that his parents refused to buy him another car, doll or some other toy.
• The kid protests. From two to five years, a child develops independent desires and needs. He wants to choose which carousel to ride in the park, and who to play with on the playground. Parents, overly worried about their child, try to impose a certain model of behavior on him and forbid the child to show independence. The child begins to cry, expressing protest.
• The child is tired. Often the baby begins to be capricious, as it seems to parents, for no reason. He was visiting, had fun all day, played, watched cartoons with other children, walked, and in the evening he began to be capricious and cry. The cause of such hysterics may be emotional overstrain.

How to prevent tantrums in a 1-2 year old child

Children aged 1-2 years experience a crisis in the first year of life, which is expressed in disobedience, a desire for independence, an acute reaction to parental prohibitions, which is accompanied by frequent hysterics.

Table 1. How to prevent tantrums in a one-year-old child specific situations

A capricious child aged two to 5 years: what parents should do

At the age of two to five years, a restructuring of the child’s character occurs and he begins to react more sharply to prohibitions from adults. Children of this age are still emotionally immature, and what seems unimportant to adults can turn into a real tragedy for a child and lead to hysteria.

Table 2. How to properly respond to tantrums of a 2-5 year old child in typical situations

Helpful advice regarding parental behavior during children's tantrums is given by psychologist of the highest category L. V. Khodorovskaya.

With tantrums, children most often try to manipulate their parents and show that they don’t like something. First of all, try to remain calm and not indulge in hysteria. Talk to your child very calmly. Ask him to calmly explain what he wants, and then discuss his desire. But promise to fulfill this desire only if you have the opportunity. You cannot promise to fulfill a child’s request and then successfully forget about it. In this case, the hysteria will repeat again, because the child will not forget the deception. If it is not possible to fulfill his desire, then try to switch his attention to something else. When your baby sees that you react to his antics completely calmly, he will stop hysterical.

Good afternoon
My daughter is 2.5 years old, a month ago she began to notice fits of hysterics on her part, almost not as she wanted - she falls on the floor, screams, cries, does not react to any words or actions, completely uncontrolled behavior. I don’t know what to do - the atmosphere in the family is absolutely calm, maybe the problem is large quantities attention and care. We'll go to kindergarten for the first time in two weeks. maybe it will help? I’d be glad for any advice, otherwise I’m completely lost on how to behave. Thank you!

This is a clear crisis of three years! The goal of hysteria is to achieve its goal in any way.
1. at home, do not react to hysterics - she needs attention and an audience, then you go to another room, she is left alone - there is no audience, no one to throw a hysteria in front of.
2. in public places - pick them up and SILENTLY! move to another place, even if it’s two steps (sometimes it just helps to pick him up and silently stroke him on the back). why silent? A child in hysterics, as a rule, does not hear anyone, or vice versa, words only inflame him even more.
3. You need to tell your child more often that you understand his needs, but you cannot do as he asks.
4. You can also distract with something, show a bird, a car, etc.
5. stay calm no matter what. The main thing to understand is that this is a temporary phenomenon. and don't give in. give in once, twice - you will observe such hysterics a hundred and one, hundred and two times. and more. and if you calmly endure a couple of such concerts, everything will stop. the child will understand that his antics are in vain. and stop throwing himself on the floor. good luck to you! If you have anything, write me a private message. I'll give you some more advice. (I'm a children's psychologist).

Yes, these methods really work!
Only our hysterics did not stop, but became lighter and took on a controlled character. That is, my daughter screams, I leave (to another room), she calms down after 2-3 minutes, asks to be held, I take her and console her.
Why didn't they stop completely? And the reasons are unsolvable: she wants to do everything herself, but she can’t do everything.

they will pass, don't worry. it just takes time. the main thing is your consistency. If you don’t “give in” and don’t give in under the pressure of hysteria, after a while the child will get used to the fact that mom always keeps her words and “no” means no.

Can I ask here? (not the author) I also suffered from hysterics more often on the street on the way to the nursery and back, or just during walks, outside constantly falls to his knees at best, in At worst, he lies down completely, so he can sit and lie for a long time, there is no way to pick him up, because... Every day we go to the store to buy something to eat (there is neither a man nor a car), what should we do in such cases? I step aside, saying if you want to rest, sit, I’ll wait... or something like that... I used to break down, scream, but to no avail, but unfortunately the “calm” method doesn’t work either it helps, I already running out....thanks in advance for your reply

Thanks for the 2nd method, it helps us. And before I’ll take her in my arms and try to distract her, talk, but she starts to get even more angry and yell, sometimes even fight ((and now I’ll take her in my arms silently, stroke her back and calm her down. But going to another room doesn’t work for us , runs after me and yells, or even hangs on his leg ((

Did you happen to notice where the hysterics are? maybe around the same place? shop? (maybe the child is signaling in this way that he does not like going into the store; children get very tired in such places). Most likely, it is the store that is stressing out your child. You can try purchasing for a few days so that you don’t have to go shopping every time. or go at other times. if it’s not related to the store, maybe he doesn’t want to go to the nursery or part with you, so he’s playing for time with hysterics. I understand the age is also 2.5 years? also looks like a 3-year crisis. This is such an age, they can also call you names, even fight. The most important thing is to understand that the child is also not happy with his behavior. Moreover, with the right tactics of your behavior, the crisis can be mitigated. remain calm no matter what, do not react to screams and falls on the floor - the child is waiting for your reaction (oh, what is this, come on, let's stop, etc. - this is like fuel for the fire for him, fuel for hysterics). therefore, you do not need to show violent emotions - they will only inflame the child even more. don't react! Keep calm. again, SILENTLY take him away, and if this is not possible, sit down next to the child and stroke him. If it doesn’t work, don’t touch it until it calms down. then by the hand and to another place. I’ll repeat once again - if you endure such antics calmly a couple of times, then soon it will stop. if you follow your child’s lead, he will start showing such hysterics a hundred times a day. Also read the literature, a lot has been written about this age and is quite accessible. better printed publications. I wrote this to you very briefly. If you have another question, write here. I hope the topic author doesn't mind.

We also had a period of hysterics, which was complicated by the fact that our son is strong, powerful, very strong legs. He kicks like a horse and wriggles around. She simply remained silent, walked away (while maintaining control), stood and waited. It was hard in the clinic, the 2 most powerful hysterics were there. Now we go to the clinic with chocolates. Plus debriefing at home, but in moderation. The phrase that I will not be friends helps.
And in the case, from 1.8 to 2.3, the son covered all the sidewalks and playgrounds/shops. I didn’t take it with me anywhere, because we could leave the house and lie around for 10-15 minutes. But more often he lay there silently, asking to be held. I carried a lot, but it was hard.
Just recently at 2.10 there was another round, without kicking, but with yelling.
I also noticed a connection with the weather and sleep. If the pressure fluctuates, he will act up. If you didn't get enough sleep, too.
There is no point in scolding, beating, or fighting back, just be patient for a little while.
It still helps to be picked up or placed on the neck. It rides with dad, but rarely with me, I’m small, it’s hard for me to carry a 15 kg boar.

yes no, not specific ones places, including every now and then... she used to have a terrible reaction to going to the clinic, but I explained that the doctor would just listen and give her a vitamin (our doctor always gives ascorbic acid at appointments), later she stopped being hysterical at the clinics... and now out of the blue, just during a regular walk or upon returning from kindergarten... I do my shopping before I pick it up from the kindergarten, i.e. I’m already walking with a bag of groceries, I always start a conversation on the way home, despite the fact that she practically doesn’t speak, but I ask what they did in kindergarten, walked, drew, etc. on the way we discuss what we see on the way (color, shape, etc.), we have a lot of planes flying - she is delighted, we recite rhymes, she shows the clumsy bear, etc., we go to the playgrounds, swings, carousels ( she adores them)...but suddenly she starts to get hysterical.....thank you, I’ll try to remain calm, I hope this period will really end soon....otherwise I’m running out of strength...

P.S. yes, practically 2.5....she loves the kindergarten very much, she runs in the morning, especially after illness, she doesn’t even say goodbye to me - she rather runs to the group, sometimes she doesn’t even want to leave in the evenings....unless I’m not her last I pick it up, but more often, alas, the last one or at the same time as the last child...

You're doing great, staying calm. but I would be more careful with chocolates. Children are very smart - no matter how your son notices the connection with his behavior. sometimes they can deliberately throw tantrums in order to receive a chocolate bar as a reward for calm behavior. It is undesirable to give anything material (toy, sweets). As an incentive, it is best to use time together - going to the cinema, circus, zoo, etc. according to the age.

and that’s why she runs after you and hangs on her leg because she needs attention. and then you left, who should you cry in front of? In general, the crisis of 3 years has been one of the most striking. parents stop recognizing their once obedient and sweet children. they have to endure quarrels, stubbornness, and hysterics many times a day. and it seems that this is terrible and will never end. Of course, you need to be patient. but there is also good in all this: your child has grown up! he tries to do everything himself, but it just doesn’t work out.

Yes, it doesn’t seem to be connected with the store and garden. Congratulations, you are growing!
Another little tip, I really like it because it works well with children. When you need to get something from your child, ask affirmatively. I’ll explain with an example: a child doesn’t like to go out and doesn’t want to go for a walk. you can make him get dressed, run around the room after him, etc. but you can pretend that you are asking his advice: what do you want to go for a walk in? rubber boots or boots? or this way: what will you go for a walk with - a scooter or a bicycle? those. you do NOT ask him if he will go for a walk (it is clear that if you ask, the child will answer no). and you ask as if you know that he is going for a walk. and still important! When you ask a question, you offer first of all what you need. for example, if you need your daughter to wear a dress to kindergarten, then ask: what will you wear today: a dress or jeans (what suits you best comes first). As a rule, children choose from two options what was named first. although there are exceptions. very effective technique! try it!