Is it possible to use physical punishment on children on the hands, head, face, bottom, or beat them with a belt? Is it possible to beat a child for educational purposes, or why you can’t punish children with a belt: the opinion of psychologists.

However, many French parents think that a spank on the butt cannot be considered corporal punishment.

Veronica, a mother of two girls (Juliette, 3 years old, and Valentin, 11 months old), admits: “Before the birth of my second child, I was categorically against corporal punishment. I don’t hit children, of course, but sometimes I spank the older one when she makes the little one cry. It’s hard with two children, I’m tired, I don’t have enough time for the eldest, I often lose my temper and spank the girl just automatically. I don’t like this at all, and I would like to find some way out.”

Psychotherapist and author of many books I. Fiyoza comments: “One of the consequences of such spankings is that the child gets the impression that problems can be solved with violence. Children who are spanked by their parents are more aggressive and more likely to have difficulties in school. Psychologists and psychotherapists have long noticed this.

But now we know exactly what is going on in the minds of these children. This is fear and shame. And it also stimulates the amygdala, which is responsible for stress. And the child’s entire body comes into this state. And the child no longer knows how to react to fear. If he is spanked often, he becomes desensitized to this punishment. His fear simply disappears. “You can do whatever you want, I don’t feel anything, I’m not in pain, and I’m not afraid.”

If this happens very rarely, if the parent then asks the child for forgiveness and explains to him (“you ran across the road without looking around, and there was a car there, and I was very scared for you”), it’s not scary. Unless it’s the kind of slap that then makes the child’s head buzz... But if slaps and slaps become regular, the child no longer trusts either his feelings or the parent who spanks him, and this breaks their connection, their affection .

Even the threat of a spanking should be avoided. If you shout “you’ll get it from me now,” the child becomes aggressive, and the parent thinks that the child is provoking him. He thinks: yeah, you really want a belt, so you'll get it. And spanks the child. And the child even feels some relief - after all, he is no longer threatened...”

Did you feel like your hand was ready to slap you in the face? Stop. If the child is already big, leave him and go outside; if he is small, go to the toilet and close the door. The main thing is not to see the child. When you see his scared eyes, signals go to your brain, the amygdala gets excited and needs to be calmed down in order to gain the ability to think. There are many more tricks: inflating a balloon, drinking a glass of water, drinking water through a straw, etc. After all, the problem is that when we start yelling or fighting, we teach the child: if you are angry, then screaming and throwing up your hands is the right thing to do. If we show how we try to cope with emotions, he will learn to keep the situation under control.

It's legal to spank

GP Gilles Lazimi is coordinating a major campaign against corporal punishment of children. He is outraged by the French: “Husbands no longer have the right to beat their wives. Owners of enterprises do not have the right to beat their employees. We have no right to beat up our neighbor. But we have the right to spank own child, which only grows and cannot defend itself!

Dr Lazimi is campaigning for a law to be passed in France banning corporal punishment of children. In 33 countries such laws already exist (among them Ukraine, Kenya, Togo, Tunisia). Sweden was the first to adopt it, in 1979. In 2013, such a law appeared in Honduras.

But the French are stubborn. Of course, the Criminal Code says that beating a child is prohibited. But, according to Pierre-Brice Lebrun, a law professor, “although the law condemns violence, especially against a child - this is an aggravating circumstance, the law does not mention parents. It turns out that the law does not clearly say that parents do not have the right to beat their child. And that’s why the majority believes that they have just this right.”

In 2009, pediatrician and MP Edwige Antje introduced a bill to the National Assembly to ban corporal punishment. “Whom I love, I beat,” the French answered and... unanimously voted against (80% according to a TNS Sofres survey, 2009).

Many scientists believe that this love of spanking has historical roots, since for centuries teachers and parents “corrected” disobedient children with rods. After the French Revolution, which was perceived by many as an insult to the authority of the king, the father of the nation, a new Civil Code was drawn up. “He gave the pater familias (the head of the family - E.S.) all rights and made him the guarantor of public order,” writes history professor Ivan Zhablonka. - The same story in many others Latin countries: they turn a blind eye to violence against children in the name of father’s rights.”

Punishments: what to choose?

If you don't spank, then how can you punish a child? For example, child psychiatrist Frederick Koshman suggests putting him in a corner. Most reasonable amount minutes is the child’s age (4 minutes in the corner if he is 4 years old).

His colleague Gilles-Marie Valet continues the thought: “I do not recommend depriving a child of something that plays a useful role in his development as a punishment. For example, you should not deprive your child of dessert: it is important for a balanced lunch. You should not prohibit sports or hobbies, especially if he loves them very much, as this can cause serious injury to him. But if he is banned from electronic games or television for some time (neither plays important role in intellectual or cultural development), he will understand his mistake and will not want to repeat it. Punishment is a symbol. His goal is not to hurt the child (physically or mentally), his goal is to show that he did something bad, that the parents do not agree with his action and are upset.”

How to do this in French?

1. Raising your hand to the child, you should ask him for forgiveness and explain why this happened.
2. Avoid even threats of corporal punishment.
3. Hug your child every morning for at least 10 minutes. This will help avoid conflicts.
4. If your hand itches, lock yourself in the toilet, drink water through a straw, the main thing is not to look into the frightened children’s eyes.
5. Never deprive your child of things that are useful for him: lunch, sports, going to an exhibition. It’s better to borrow a tablet for a while.

Buy this book

Discussion

I liked the article.

Indeed, you should not punish children too much. The best option: everything, how to explain to an adult, instead of hitting. For example, I still can’t understand why my father spanked my sister and I (we were 6 and 5 years old) because we found toys hidden in the closet that our parents were going to give to us on New Year’s Eve. After this beating with a belt, my sister and I realized that Santa Claus does not exist. As our mother said, explaining to us why our father beats us for every offense, it’s because he wasn’t beaten as a child, but I think it’s all in the head. If a parent is psychologically abnormal, he will attack the weak in the family. Strong parent Psychologically, he will talk to the child on equal terms and explain everything to him, what was right and what was wrong.

I would definitely flog my son for such an essay. Not a single complete thought, a fragmentary set of unsubstantiated statements.

Comment on the article "How to Stop Spanking Children: 5 Tips for Those Who Have Itchy Hands"

During the cold season, our skin is exposed to significant stress, because severe frosts and icy winds affect general state skin and the degree of its hydration. That is why the fair sex is recommended to change their beauty habits in order to restore natural beauty after cold weather. Rachel Hunter - model, actress and host of the author's show "Rachel Hunter in Search of Beauty" on the lifestyle entertainment channel Fine Living shared her...

26-year-old resident of Perth and mother of two girls, Kim Tucci, has become a celebrity in Australia: in an attempt to conceive a boy, she and her husband achieved that the woman is now carrying five twins at once. And only one of them is male. After publishing romantic photos expectant mother at 24 weeks, taken by photographer Erin Elizabeth, blog Surprised by Five, where Mrs. Tucci talks about her multiple pregnancy, attracted the attention of the press. Kim writes about how...

Question from a group member: “If a mother has hepatitis, then it is clear that the child can also become infected in utero. But what if the father has hepatitis, the mother is healthy, then what is the likelihood of the child becoming infected?” Questions for the group are accepted by email [email protected] We will always be happy to help! We actively participate, discuss, someone may find your experience useful! Need doctor's advice? [link-1] Questions and comments are for educational and explanatory purposes and should not...

Discussion

There is no way to convey it directly. There is a possibility of infecting the mother, and as a result, the child. But this option is very unlikely. Since hepatitis C is transmitted through blood. For infection to occur through blood, the partners must have damaged mucous membranes. That is, the patient’s blood must get onto the damaged area of ​​the mother’s skin or mucous membrane.

Hello!
Unfortunately, there is a possibility that the mother will become infected during conception and transmit the infection to the child. In order to calculate all the risks and develop a plan for conception and management of pregnancy with a minimal likelihood of infection, it is important to contact a competent hepatologist in advance and undergo full examination. The doctor will help you prepare for the birth of your baby.

If you constantly spank your child, understand that she will very soon get used to it and will stop listening to you altogether! It seems to me that hitting is pointless, you want the child to obey, and not have your fists itch?

Discussion

You have too many reasons for “universal despair” at almost empty space)) First of all, you spanked the child and now you think that you terrible mother. Secondly, the three-year-old small child did not listen to you. Thirdly, he doesn’t collect toys :)))) And that’s it, the collapse of your educational system :)
In short, give yourself permission to show emotions or spank on business (yours was not on business, if that). A three-year-old should not carry out any errands - unless, of course, you come across a unique, obedient and understanding child. And then, he won’t collect toys ALONE at 3 years old. At five or six years old, and then with kicks and reminders :) She forgets your morality in a minute, even if you misread it. So get rid of all your ideas about perfect children and just study YOUR child. And this makes you start dancing...

If you constantly spank your child, understand that she will very soon get used to it and will stop listening to you altogether! Then all you have to do is kill her. It is enough for me to raise my voice a little to get an instant reaction, since I do not abuse orders. Do you lead me by the hand to eat? Well, I’m shocked, you yourself are teaching her to be dependent. If he doesn’t go, let him not eat, he won’t eat for a day, they won’t die from it, but then he will run to the kitchen. Perhaps she has development is a little late and there is a crisis at 2 years old, but at 3 years old only a robot can put away toys by herself, do you need a robot or a living child? If you don't want scattered toys, give her 2-3 toys, and then she will easily put them away. In general, leave her alone, don’t torment her with orders, then by the age of 4 she will follow your tail and try to help you with everything. And if you scare away the desire to do something yourself, you won’t get it back later. Just do what you want her to do, the child has a very developed instinct to imitate. Of course I'm there emergency situations, as happened to you, you need to come up with something, for example, get dressed and leave, the child will run after you, because he does not want to be left alone.

08/13/2014 11:31:23, linata

Hello! Tell me what to do: my son is 7 years old, he told his grandmother that sometimes he doesn’t want to live, when my mother offends me (I’ll yell for something or spank me), I’m sitting in the room, and there’s a voice in my head “kill yourself ", you can jump from the roof or from the stairs (we have a Swedish wall at home) onto something sharp... Grandma says to him, “Dimochka, you’ll die then,” and he answers her: “Grandma, but your soul will remain.” "...I'm shocked how to properly talk and rid my son of these thoughts...

Discussion

Hello!

Unfortunately, I don’t know your situation in detail, what’s going on in your family and on what basis your relationship with your child is built. But I’ll tell you honestly - what you’re writing about is a serious call that needs to be taken close attention. I really want to help you, but, unfortunately, online communication has its limitations. I can only consider and assess your situation approximately.

What is mom? Mom is the person who gave life, the closest person to any child. You write that when you offend your child, shout at him, spank him, he does not want to live. Your son needs his mother’s love like the air he breathes.

Ask yourself a question - why are you offending him? What need do you have to spank and scream at seven year old child? After all, what is screaming and spanking? This is one of the types of violence. Probably, being unable to influence the child calmly, you resort to this method of “education.” Put yourself in his shoes. For example, your husband comes up to you and says – do this and that. For some reason you refuse. He starts screaming. You don't want to again. A couple of slaps at you “ends the negotiations.” I think you will find this method of communication unpleasant.

Sort yourself out. Is everything okay inside of you? After all, if the mother is calm, the child is calm. If the relationship with the child is built correctly, there is no need to raise your voice, much less fight. Calmly explain what you want from him, listen to his opinion. The main thing is that you yourself clearly understand what you want from your son and, indeed, whether you need it.

Let me give you an example: a mother is getting her son ready for kindergarten, urges him on - come on faster, you need to go to the garden in time, and I need to go to work. And he thinks to himself: “I don’t like this job, why do I have to go there every day? I hate what I do. If I didn’t need money, I wouldn’t go to a job I didn’t like, but would sit at home with my child, and I wouldn’t have to take him to kindergarten, where there are only illnesses, etc. and so on." Thoughts are entirely negative, but the state of health is appropriate. Mom is all on edge, on edge. The child feels all this and, “reflecting” the mother’s state, screams at the top of her lungs: “I don’t want to go to kindergarten. Will not go". “Oh, won’t you go? - then a familiar situation plays out with shouting and slaps...

What did the child do? He is in in this case expressed out loud that his mother was intensely thinking about everything Lately, he just “reflected” her condition. Mom doesn’t want to take her child to kindergarten for such and such a reason, much less to work. Internally, she herself does not want the child to go to kindergarten - she is afraid that he will get sick. She doesn’t want to, but she forces him. That is, he thinks and feels one thing, but says something completely different out loud.
This discrepancy is what her child expresses out loud.

Talk to your son. What's bothering him? What is he missing? If this is a lack of attention on your part, try to devote more time to it if possible. If this is a reaction to your yelling and spanking, immediately stop this type of communication and start giving your son more love and tenderness. Calm yourself internally.

If the situation does not improve, be sure to show your son to a good child psychologist.

By the way, on my website www.schastie.info I run a free newsletter. You can subscribe and regularly receive advice and recommendations on improving the quality of your life, health, improving relationships with loved ones, self-realization, finding something you love, and much more.

Sincerely,
Tatiana Gorchakova

It’s tearing me apart! I have 5 children, 2 adopted.... I love, I can’t) This is more perverted and cruel than screaming when tiredness has accumulated and sometimes spanking the butt... And that’s when it seems to me that my children are behaving unacceptable, I remember this woman's advice.

some kind of horror! put on a diaper, carry as much as possible in your arms - she simply feels bad now: (Falling asleep in a hug, but only when the child WANTS to sleep. The child will calm down and stop marking the territory. Spanking is definitely not a solution, only more psychos.

Discussion

A crisis. It’s easier, as they advise, to put on a diaper and move on with your life. She is weaned + teething. Then everything will be restored. There is no protest or special purpose there. The child feels that something has changed and reacts this way. Everything will pass, everything will come back. The truth is that little will change in the friend’s opinion if she has already decided to take such measures. When everything settles down, the verdict will be that my daughter understood everything and everything is back to normal.

Spank the mother, diaper the child.

4. After such courtship, the older one generally stopped going to the toilet in the garden, but the younger one is fine. I can’t even imagine my reaction if my child was “spanked and hit on the hands.”

Discussion

1) Straight into the trash with buckets, or what? What kind of garbage? Food waste from the kitchen?
2) normal or within normal limits
3) abnormal
4) I don’t understand about irritation, because it doesn’t correlate with garbage, in the sense that if the child is in diapers and he is small, then how do you know about garbage, a vacuum cleaner and spanking.
5) regarding assault - go to the manager, IMHO it’s not normal
6) about the vacuum cleaner, I don’t know, they probably shouldn’t at all, go to Rono.

Everything, of course, is possible. Kinders and educators are different. But we don’t have this in our garden. The children don’t take out any trash, they wear shoes on the carpet, no one slaps their hands (this is a crime!), and they vacuum and clean in general when the kids are not there. stand up for your rights and the rights of your child! Moreover, now there are commissions to protect the rights of the child. they should be in all gardens. You can go there in problem situations (if, for example, a child has a physical injury). but all gardens should not be raked with the same brush!

Thank you all so much for your advice! The child doesn’t even know what a diaper is (to That is, imagine, during the day she slowly stopped doing it and stopped going out in public. We once had a real itch - we were prescribed some killer vitamins. Then everything itched with our hands, and...

Discussion

I’m almost 40 now. I’ve been masturbating since I was 4 years old. The reason, as I understand it, was worms, from which I was freed about 2 months later. I can say that if you scold and punish a child, scare a child with illness and blindness, pull your hands onto the blanket, whisper to each other, casting condemning glances at the child, constantly monitor, etc. and so on. As my parents did, this will only lead to the child being nervous and masturbation becoming entrenched, as it happened to me. The worst thing is that it also affected my adult life, because I began to perceive orgasm as something shameful and harmful. Now I only get pleasure during sex in a certain position, which, as luck would have it, is not comfortable for my husband. Not life is torture. In short, if my parents were more intelligent and tactful, I would not have suffered so much all my life.

03/27/2010 21:03:45, I’ll hide and hide

I would add to what was already written (check for thrush, irritation and worms), but in the DR the girl was in diapers all the time? If yes, then this might:
- It’s quite normal to study your body, because... She hadn’t really seen him before that.
- endless wearing of diapers and not changing them often in the DR could have taught her to keep her hands there, because it was wet and rotten.
-children, from about 3-3.5 years old, begin to masturbate.
- Nervous tension due to a change in life could lead to masturbation.

What would I do? She didn't scold me in any way. She explained that this can only be done not in public. She wouldn’t force her to keep her hands on top of the blanket or remove her hands if she caught her masturbating (it’s her body and the right to touch it where she wants and when she wants). The main thing is not in public.
Need time. Calm environment, passing the adaptation stage, more tactile contact and physical activity.

Section: Need advice (child scratches his hands in his sleep). Stop giving him store-bought juices and all sorts of cookies, I had the same problem with my legs, I found out that the juice is “good”. I have the same thing now... allergic to street dust... (my hands are very dry and itchy - I switched to...

The older children have already “taught us everything”, and those who are younger will not be spanked after such discussions. You have to figure this out as you go, oh, my hands are itching to pee with Vitka.

Discussion

I believe that corporal punishment for misconduct does not work, but... The “mirror” tactic in response to physical aggression works 100 percent. A couple of years ago, Petka got into the habit of biting his sister, so much so that blue-bloody smudges appeared. She couldn’t stand it once - and instantly, without delay, she bit him in the same place with the same force. There was a lot of yelling. But he NEVER DID THIS TO ANYONE AGAIN. That is, if the “mirroring” is instantaneous, then the child experiences a psychological transference to himself, saying, “I bit, but it hurt. I’d rather not repeat it.”

I've used it before physical punishment. There was such a period in our relationship with our autistic son. It seemed to me that what I was doing was good and correct. If we abstract from my worries about this (I did it reluctantly), then the results are as follows: the child began to press his head into his shoulders at any of my gestures. This in itself is unpleasant. The screaming and crying, the general disinhibition only intensified. There was such a paradoxical feeling that he was provoking punishment. Some kind of incomprehensible masochism. Punishment did not achieve its goals, and even worsened the problems.

In addition, the child copies our behavior. If we allow ourselves to hit a child, he understands that such “rules of the game” are allowed. This is how we teach them aggression. Now I am reaping the benefits of such “upbringing”. Thank God I stopped in time. We have become just biters. And we squeeze it painfully mother's hand when you are unhappy. As they say, the fool herself taught the child on her own head.

Now I don’t even allow myself to spank a child.
In those moments when he is insane, there is always an internal reason. I was convinced of this from experience. Namely, he is allergic and changes in his behavior indicate that the next day he will have something on his skin or have bad stool. Well, why beat him in this case? With his yelling, he tells me that he feels bad. He seems to say: “help!!!”, “speaks” as best he can. He doesn't speak to me.

It is better not to use negative aspects in raising an autistic person, but to take advantage of the presence or absence of positive ones. That is, roughly speaking, to punish without giving the carrot. It's more efficient. And my conscience is clear. After all, we are adults, big and smart. And they, our not very healthy children, are small and not very smart. It’s just that we get different “weight categories”. Even in sports this is taken into account. So let’s not “slaughter” our beloved, defenseless children. It's just not even fair to them. And it’s better to take out your anger somewhere else.
Summarizing my thoughts on physical punishment, I want to say CATEGORICALLY NO to violence against children.
What is education?
This is a test of nerves
Every day and every hour
The children are testing us.

Patient grandparents
So the children listen to them.
We, in our youth,
Let them give advice:

How to hold back
Don't break down
And don’t trample your feet,
and don't spank your butt.

This is the test -
Our self-education.
Children draw the world from us -
You are both a despot and an idol.

Yes, such upbringing-
Our nerves are tested.
"For the parent" we rent
Hour after hour, day after day...

Probably, until one year of age (or even later), there is no point in spanking at all, because the educational effect does not outweigh the psychological one. injury. Just slap it with your hand or whatever you find - a towel, etc. - that's one thing, but to have something special for this - it already looks like...

Discussion

Laris, as I understand you... I have absolutely the same problems both with the child and with my own head:(((I’m actively looking for a way out, but so far it’s not working out very well. Sometimes there are enlightenments, then the child becomes calmer, and I don’t it’s so hard, but more often than not EVERYTHING is like yours:(((And in general, our children, IMHO, are very similar (from colic and constipation... to current problems).

I envy those mothers who changed with the birth of a child, understood something important... They came to harmony, can live TOGETHER WITH THE CHILD (and with difficult child too)... How did they become like this??? Most of them cannot give a clear answer to this question. Those. For them, the process of personality change was so painless and harmonious that they take it for granted, not understanding what happens differently. Therefore, IMHO, some mothers do not understand this state of affairs like yours or mine, they are DIFFERENT. Perhaps less selfish, more integral, accomplished. Apparently I'm not like that :(((

Here Tatiana writes below: “He is missing something very important - most likely, understanding and love. Mom is physically nearby, but only physically, it seems... Change yourself, your attitude towards your son, before it’s too late!” - I often come across such advice... But the main thing is not in them... HOW TO CHANGE? HOW TO UNDERSTAND YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD?
“my children do not destroy anything in me and do not take anything away from me, but on the contrary, they help me understand myself, they have made me internally richer” - HOW? WHAT DO I NEED TO DO? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? I'm trying my best, but I can't...

How old is the child? I understand that once the teeth come in, it’s not much yet. Of course, it’s hard for him, otherwise he wouldn’t behave this way. Or you allow him a lot that he doesn’t notice boundaries. If you get creative, you can probably find a nanny, at least for a while, so that the boy can be with a stranger; most likely he will not behave like that with the nanny (stranger). My daughter is now 2.2, and at one time she also loved to pinch me, but I pinched her back several times, and that was enough for her. Even now it sometimes comes to her, then I pretend to cry and say that mom is in pain, mom is crying, Dasha is hurting her mom. She rushes to feel sorry for me, strokes my head, my face: “Mom, mom.” True, she never scratched or bit...

Few can say with confidence that raising children is easy process. Despite the fact that these days almost every parent knows about negative consequences physical punishment, there are people who stubbornly adhere to the opposite point of view. In this article we will find out why you can't hit children on the hands, head, face, and we will also tell you why physical punishment is dangerous.

Punishing children with a belt

Unfortunately, for many parents in certain situations, the belt is a kind of lifesaver. A Is it possible to hit a child with a belt?? Yes, with the help of this item you can easily calm the baby and in subsequent cases you just need to show the belt and he will quickly calm down. But are they really good, strong and warm? family relationships between parents and children can be built in this way? Naturally not. Undoubtedly, such methods can achieve an effect, but only temporary. What will happen when the baby grows up and stops being afraid of a strict parent? It is unlikely that he will treat you with respect and understanding. Therefore, in order to avoid such disastrous consequences in the future, mothers and fathers should now think about the correctness of their parenting methods.

Many parents make the excuse “at one time I was raised with a belt, and nothing is wrong - I’m alive and well and nothing will happen to my child.” But tell me, do you remember such moments with warmth and love? How did you feel at the time when your parents were “diligently” raising you: betrayal, pain, disappointment? Would you like your child to experience the same? Most likely no. And besides, each child is an individual and you cannot be completely sure that he will normally survive this type of punishment.

Hitting children on the butt with a belt- this is not a way of education, but one of the types of humiliation that undermines trusting relationship in the family and is characterized by disrespect for the child’s personality.

Psychologists say that it is unacceptable to hit children. Komarovsky E.O. is also not a supporter of such methods. To learn more about the opinion of the doctor and other specialists, we suggest you watch this video:

Punishing children on the bottom

Who among us was not punished on the butt as a child? Probably everyone. But this in no way means that you need to try the same model of education on your fidgets. Why? Let's think logically. The kid did something wrong, the angry parent begins to spank him on the butt, saying “I’ll show you now and explain it in the best possible way, you’ll get it from me.” Tell me, what can the little fidget learn from this situation? He will simply understand that dad or mom is stronger than him and can show his strength at any moment. But, spanking children the conflict does not exhaust itself, but, on the contrary, provokes the emergence of another crisis in relations. Therefore, parents need to understand that strength is not The best way combating children's disobedience.

Plus, experts have proven that you can’t hit girls on the bottom. In the future, this may negatively affect the baby’s reproductive functions.

If in some situation a parent could not resist and spanked the baby on the bottom, psychologists recommend smoothing out the conflict as soon as possible. Explain that you didn't mean to hurt him, you were just angry and lost control.

Should I hit a child on the bottom?? The following video will help you understand why this should not be done:

https://youtu.be/ZdzbzuBkr1s

Is it possible to hit a child's hands?

For many parents, slapping their children’s hands is already a reflex: if the baby reaches for the socket, dangerous items, the blow will not take long to arrive. Where are the words and explanations? No, a parent's "don't" doesn't count. Children don’t understand why it’s not possible; they wonder what will happen if they try to touch the socket. Understand that the baby is developing, he is attracted to everything, even what is forbidden. And the prohibitions arouse even greater interest in exploring this or that object. Only by arguing for the established prohibitions can we achieve children's obedience.

All parents know that developing fine motor skills hands of the baby, at the same time his speech apparatus is improving. Not only does beating destroy the emotional-cognitive process, it can also cause a slowdown in speech development. This is why you should not hit a child’s hands. Does your baby not speak for a long time? Reconsider your parenting methods.

MIs it possible to hit a child on the lips?

The famous psychologist D. Karpachev claims that parents use physical force on little fidgets for only one simple reason - the baby cannot fight back. Of course, if the little one said something wrong, why have a conversation explaining why he is wrong, you can just hit him on the lips and that’s all, as they say, in the bag. How long will it last? Have you ever wondered how much a blow to the lips can hurt? Such actions on the part of loved ones greatly humiliate and offend children. What can I say, none of the adults will like it when such radical methods are used in communicating with them.

Most often, parents choose punishment such as hit a child on the lips, as a result of the latter’s pronunciation of obscene words. In this way, the mother re-educates and makes it clear that you can’t talk like that. Let's figure out what swearing is and why children love it so much. Swearing is part of colloquial culture, everyone knows about it, but only some people use it in communication. The baby grows, develops and learns all aspects of this world. The time will come when he will hear words that are still unfamiliar. The first reaction of every fidget is to repeat the expression and share their new knowledge with others. And it is quite normal when your child tells you about his affairs, this is a sign that he trusts you. Under no circumstances should you beat him for this. Never. Not only will the baby stop trusting you, he will grow up to be a fearful, insecure, irritable person. Hardly good parent wants such a future for his child.

After watching this video, you will understand why many parents beat their children and find out what reasons motivate them to do this:

https://youtu.be/IzI0IgCqjT0

Why you shouldn't hit a child on the head

Not only is this method of education completely unacceptable from a psychological point of view, it can also cause harm. physical health baby. The head is the most important and weakest part of a child's body. The skull of children is still very fragile, so you should not hit a child on the head, as even a minor blow can cause serious developmental problems.

This “method of education” can lead to such serious consequences as visual impairment, deterioration in the development of the speech apparatus, the development of memory problems, and more.

Blows to the head or face can cause rupture of cell membranes and damage to the vascular walls of the child’s brain, which in the future may lead to:

• complete loss of vision and hearing;
• mental retardation;
• epilepsy;
• paralysis

Why you shouldn't hit children in the face

You cannot hit a baby in the face, as well as in the head, for similar reasons. From the psychological side, this type of punishment is acute form physical insult and humiliation, especially if the blows are inflicted by the hand of a relative and loved one. If such a process of education takes place on the street or surrounded by people, the negativity of the consequences increases. Hit to the face has a bad effect on the psyche of a little fidget and in the future, when communicating with his peers, the child will use similar model relationships. A parent is a role model and, as they say, “what goes around comes around.” Therefore, the answer to the question “is it possible to hit a child in the face?” will be unequivocal - no.

Every self-respecting person will not humiliate and insult children with words or assault. Of course, this is a personal matter for everyone, but if you want to raise a confident, responsible, kind and balanced person, you should give up physical method education.

Useful video

We invite you to watch a video in which a famous psychologist discusses whether it is worth using physical punishment children, and also reveals the consequences of such educational work.

Experts unanimously say that children should not be spanked, since assault is not the most the best method impact on the child. And yet, many adults are sure: it is easier to spank a child on the butt once than to repeat many times why something should not be done.

Today we will discuss the arguments of domestic and foreign psychologists who oppose physical punishment, and find out why children should not be spanked.

The statistics are inexorable - about 60% of Russian parents use physical impact towards your children. Of course, in most cases these are not severe beatings, but the notorious spankings and slaps on the head, which mothers and fathers generously “give” to naughty children.

Why do parents still spank their children? naughty kids? Because this is the easiest way out of the situation.

Judge for yourself, there is no need to look for the reason for a bad deed, there is no need to think about children's emotions, or select other methods of education. I spanked him a couple of times, and it seemed that the conflict was over.

Let's find out what can happen if you constantly use physical punishment towards your baby.

Why can't you spank a child?

You can disagree with psychologists and assure yourself for as long as you like that light spanks and slaps are good for children, that such in a simple way They will quickly understand what they can do and what they should refrain from doing. However, this is just self-deception, and here's why.

1. A child learns through imitation

If you regularly spank your child, be prepared for the possibility that he will one day hit you, a sandbox buddy, or a pet.

In this case, your words that “You can’t fight” or “Don’t you dare hit your mom” will have no effect on him. The child will quickly learn that the big can hurt the little, and the strong can hurt the weak.

2. Self-esteem decreases

Children's sense of self is created primarily by their parents.

A small child does not yet understand the cause-and-effect relationship between a spanking and his bad deed.

Slapping a two-year-old baby in your hearts because he broke a car will not teach him to be careful when handling things.

“I was hit, I’m bad and don’t deserve love,” that’s what children think. And with each blow, their self-esteem decreases more and more.

3. The child gets used to spanking

Probably, after the first thrashing, the baby will listen to you and stop being naughty. However, make no mistake, this did not happen because he repented and realized that he had done wrong. The child is simply scared and wants to return your goodwill and love.

If physical punishment has become commonplace, children begin to perceive it as inevitable and do not change their own behavior.

4. Spanking does not teach internal control.

Children who receive “first number” from their parents do not learn to control their actions.

They need approval, a person who would say what is right and what is, accordingly, wrong.

Such children live by the principle: “I won’t do this, otherwise I will be punished.” But ethical standards are much more important: “You can’t behave like that, because it’s bad.”

5. Hitting people is a crime.

Physical force is the use of force, that is, an action that is wrong and condemned by any society, and sometimes even criminally punishable.

You won't hit your colleague who did something wrong at work, will you? How is your child different from other people?

6. Writing about your own powerlessness

The main argument of adults is that the child is simply uncontrollable and does not respond to other arguments. However, in this case, the problem is not in the child himself, but in your relationship and inability to cope with children.

By handing out slaps on the head, mom or dad admits to weakness and thereby lowers their authority in the eyes of the child.

This means that children’s provocations will continue.

7. Mistrust of parents

Corporal punishment destroys trust between family members, breaks affection and love.

Agree, it is difficult to love the person who spanks you.

This method of education is effective only because children are still small and cannot oppose their parents. own strength. Sometimes childhood grievances carry over into adulthood, making it difficult for grown children and aging mothers and fathers to get along.

8. Decrease in intelligence

Meanwhile, American psychologists conducted a study showing that the level of intelligence among children who are regularly spanked by their parents is significantly lower than that of their “unbeaten” peers.

And discipline and obedience are better in that group of schoolchildren to whom adults are more loyal.

How to resist spanking?

Let's say you realized that you can't spank a child and decide to abandon this unpromising method. But what should we take into service? We offer several useful tips from experienced psychologists.

1. You need to learn to negotiate with your baby. Imagine your friend in his place. You wouldn’t spank an adult with a belt because, for example, he disturbs your sleep? You would prefer to leave the room, ask him to leave, explain that you are tired, etc. Try to do the same with your child.
2. Don't accumulate negative emotions. Children often bring things to a boil with their pranks. If you tolerate them, don’t voice them and don’t get angry, then in the end everything can end in a spanking. Express your emotions: “Your behavior makes me terribly angry.” By ceasing to accumulate irritation within yourself, you will learn to talk and explain yourself to children, which means that the need for spanking will disappear.
3. Look for the problem within yourself. We have already said that spanking is not a child's problem. This is a signal about the psychological distress of the parents. Perhaps you are under stress and do not know how to cope with anger. If you find yourself grabbing your belt too often, your best bet is to see a professional.
4. Don't consider your baby to be an exact copy of you. Sometimes you can hear a parent complain: “Before I couldn’t say a word to my father, but my parents don’t listen to me at all!” Mom grew up as an obedient and calm girl, but she gives birth to a child with a difficult character? It’s okay, consult a psychologist, read literature on raising “difficult” children.
5. Apologize to your child. Each of us is a living person, and not an ideal being. If you can’t contain your irritation, be sure to ask your child for forgiveness for the slap or slap on the head. Tell him that you were angry not at the baby himself, but at his misbehavior.

Of course, one article cannot tell you how, if not spanking, to raise a child, instill in him norms of behavior, and stop hysterics and whims.

So, when asked whether it is possible to spank a child, most psychologists confidently answer: “No.” Physical punishment often doesn't work positive result, but, on the contrary, violate parent-child relationships.

Think for a moment before you Once again spank the fidget. Perhaps there are other parenting methods in your parenting arsenal that will be more effective?

Other information on the topic

6 comment(s) to “”

Assault has nothing to do with “spanking”, as is known, even royal and royal persons in childhood have been spanked by their teachers or parents... Even the Bible says that loving parent a naughty child whips, but he whips lovingly. How to "vaccinate" against bad habits and inclinations, naturally, if other methods do not help. It is natural and normal for a child to be spanked by his own father or mother! Adequate parents will not harm their child. You can punish with words much more painfully and hurt the inner little man anything, even explanations that may not always be clear to the child. The question of who spanked and why he spanked is more relevant than using force or not. Psychologists have learned a lot from the Bible, but they have not realized that physical punishment is the norm for educational process, extreme, but still the norm.

Great article. I am also sure that children should not be spanked. If a parent spanks his child, this does not prove the child’s guilt, but the parent’s inability to explain to his child what he is doing wrong.

Spank kids, let alone slap them on the head? I can't wrap my head around it. Well, except for the massage, of course (there somehow you need to lightly pat). My eldest did not receive spankings and slaps from me and grew up kind girl, but gives change to the boys at school. It happened once, however, as the author writes, “strength against strength.” At the age of three, my daughter began to be completely capricious on the street: wallowing in the mud and kicking her. I dragged her home (the girl struggled vigorously, almost flew out of my arms a couple of times, I was scared). And at home, no persuasion or anything like that. Then I spanked her, but she was wearing a thick down jumpsuit. Then there was a conversation and an agreement. There were no more such hysterics. I don’t plan to assault my youngest either.

I really like the first method: imagine your friend committing the same offense in the place of the child. Indeed, you won’t spank your friend, even if he interferes with your sleep or throws his things around the house :-) This method works well for me, and the irritation with the baby immediately decreases.

It is difficult to disagree with the author’s opinion, but nowadays the younger generation is becoming more and more ill-mannered. I am also against violence, but I believe that sometimes it is still possible to “spank” a child. This applies in cases where other, humane methods of education have been tried in vain.

Even before the birth of her child, she was categorically against this method of punishment. After all, there are much more humane ways to explain or punish a child for his offense.

Most of the signs and beliefs associated with love experiences, as a rule, apply to representatives of the fairer sex and the ways in which they can find lovers.

“It is still believed, for example, that if a girl over-salts her food, she is in love. This sign comes from the ancient love spell for salt: “Just as people love salt in food, so the name would love me,” the girls said, adding salt to the food prepared for their loved one.”

“A girl who, leaving the house in the morning, forgets to look north risks remaining an old maid forever. An equally strange sign states that a girl sitting on a table while talking with her lover will never marry him. To confirm this, we can Give another sign: Sitting on the corner of the table means loving without reciprocity for seven years."

As for the stronger sex, if a guy likes to sit on the doorstep, he will be an eternal bachelor. And if he doesn’t sit on the threshold, but constantly talks through it with his beloved, then his children will be... mute!

If a girl, jokingly, hits her friend on the buttocks, she must immediately pull her by the hem of her skirt - otherwise she will beat off all the suitors. If the hem of a girl’s dress is often wet or dirty, her husband will be a drunkard.

But the signs prepared not only danger for the lovers. If a young man picks a branch of a laurel tree, breaks it in half and gives half to his beloved, then as long as they keep these halves, their love will not die.

“In the past, in the Russian outback, girls believed that in order for grooms to woo them, as soon as the first groom (no matter good or bad) came to the house, under any pretext, wash the toes of his shoes with water, and then wash them with this water your face, saying: A hundred grooms will follow your trail to me. You can also cover the groom’s tracks with a broom with the same sentence.”

Both too long and too short courtship are considered unsuccessful. Courtship that lasts a year and three months promises the greatest success. It is considered a bad omen for a man to propose marriage on a train, on a bus or in any public place, and the girl who was proposed to at a dance and rejected it will, for some unknown reason, be surprisingly lucky.

If young man, who proposes to his chosen one, is interrupted by another girl, this means that over time she will also become his wife. Finally, a man who has been rejected three times is better off not marrying at all.

If a girl pricks herself with a needle, she will hear praise or fall in love. The elbow will hurt - single guy remembers. Shoes will be placed with toes in different sides- he will never find a mate.

In the USA they believe that if a girl holds a mirror to a well, she will see the face of her future husband in it. She can also recognize her betrothed by performing a rather complex ritual. You should stand on the side of the road and count cars. When the tenth red car passes by, you need to look out red-haired girl in a purple dress. After that, she needs to find a man in a green tie, and the next man she sees will be her betrothed.

In this regard, it is much easier for a young American, because in order for him to see future wife, all you need to do is eat the last piece of bread at lunch with tea - and the first girl you meet on the street after that will be his.

In Europe there are other signs on this matter. If you pick yarrow from a man’s grave and put it under your pillow at night, your lover will definitely appear in a dream.

The betrothed can be seen in another way. Two young girls must seclude themselves in a room from midnight to one in the morning, without uttering a word. During this hour, each of them must take as many hairs from her head as she is old. When the clock strikes once, each girl must burn her hair. At the same time, the betrothed will appear in the room, walk around and disappear. This will happen to both fortunetellers, but neither of them will see someone else’s betrothed.

In Russia, up to our time, there is a widespread belief associated with photography: lovers should not be photographed together, otherwise they will never get married (and this prohibition applies only to a single photograph, it does not apply to a group portrait).

You should also not give your loved ones knives or other piercing or cutting objects. A set of knives and forks, given unknowingly to newlyweds, portends an unhappy family life for the newlyweds.

Among the students there is another interesting sign: You cannot knit any clothes for your beloved (sweater, scarf, hat, etc.), otherwise he will leave for someone else.

To test the girl’s purity, in the past the groom’s parents would discreetly add yellow lily stamens to the dish. If the girl was not a virgin, she immediately fell into a stupor. Instead of stamens, the lily was also given lettuce to smell - it produced the same effect.

"In general, over the centuries there have been many tests for virginity, some of which have survived to this day. For example, in Britain they say that a girl who can look at the sun is probably still a virgin - although this is very harmful to the eyes. In Germany and In Austria it was believed that only a virgin could blow out a dying candle, and the Hungarians living in rural areas, it is still believed that only a virgin will pass through a swarm of bees unbitten. "

In the Caucasus, they believe that if a girl’s breasts have enlarged even a little, this is sure sign that she lost her virginity.

If a girl forgot to put a salt shaker on the table, the British believe, this means that she has become a woman. In Poland, an exotic superstition has been recorded: a virgin can roll water into balls! Another outlandish superstition concerning innocence has been noted in France. Here, until recently, it was believed that a woman who gave birth to seven illegitimate children regains her virginity!

The topic of why people hit on the butt, and whether it is possible to hit on the butt, comes up quite often. First of all, it interests young parents. Every parent has smacked their child's butt at least once, and for sure it's done well. For example, a baby in the sandbox begins to take away toys from other children or begins to throw loud tantrums on the street, while he does not understand the words, or rather does not want to understand. In this case, parents have to resort to such pats. However, not all parents know that this should not be done. But why can’t you hit a child’s bottom?

Why you can't hit a child on the butt

First of all, you should know that any blow is a sign of your weakness. A father or mother who fails to control themselves “falls” in the eyes of their child. The child often concludes from such a situation that with his provocative actions he is able to gain the upper hand over his parents. Although sometimes a small slap on the butt can calm the baby down. It is much worse if the child begins to perceive physical strength as the only the right remedy to solve absolutely any problem. In this case, there is a high probability that in the future he himself will begin to use this method in relation to the people around him. Usually Small child begins to give in to his parents out of fear, but not because he admits his guilt. Thus, this means that the baby does not learn a lesson from this punishment, so the conflict does not disappear, and sometimes even develops into a serious crisis in the relationship. Therefore, hitting a child on the bottom is highly undesirable. But if it did happen that you lost your temper and spanked the baby, then be sure to explain to him the reason for this action. For example, you can say the following words: “I didn’t want to do this, but yours doesn’t good behavior drove me crazy." Of course, every parent chooses their own ways to raise their child. Many for bad behavior I was flogged by my parents as a child. And what? It’s okay, everyone grew up healthy and smart. This does not mean that you need to immediately grab the belt, it means that the decision whether to spank your child’s bottom or not rests entirely on your shoulders. However, it is worth paying attention to the fact that if spanking the butt has become a common practice for you, then know that it is strictly forbidden to hit the butt of girls who have reached the age of 7. Because such spankings can have a negative impact on the reproductive organs!

Gently hitting the baby's bottom

Many young mothers are interested in why they hit the butt of a newly born baby? Some even consider this behavior of doctors unacceptable. But, in fact, this must be done. If a newly born baby is silent, it means he is not breathing. And in order to force him to take his first breath and thereby straighten his lungs, the obstetrician spanks the baby on the bottom.

Kicks on the butt in our lives

And so, why they spank babies on the bottom is understandable. But why can adults already hit you on the butt? For example, you can often notice how, when watching a football match, when a player changes, a football player - a guy hits the butt of the player replacing him. This gesture is considered by football players to wish them good luck. Since football is a very traumatic sport, players can often develop various injuries on their arms, legs, shoulders, back, and the butt is the least susceptible to injury. Therefore, when spanking your butt, you can be sure that it will not cause pain. By the way, some men like to hit a girl on the butt. Psychologists say that this has an exciting effect on the male sex. And some men cannot control their natural instinct and spank the weaker sex on the butt.