Proper support of a man is a real mastery of a woman

Often the relationship between two lovers collapses simply because a woman does not understand the differences between female and male psychology.

Indeed, in the life of any active man there are ups and downs, regardless of the current level of achievement, but it is right to reach out to Hard time it is important for him, taking into account the peculiarities of male psychology.

What to do if a man dropped his hands? How to be helpful guy? What to do if a man fails to achieve what he wants? These and other subtleties I will reveal in this article.

Classics of the genre

Honey, is something wrong with you?

Nothing special…

Yes, I can read everything in your face and eyes! What's happened?

Calm down, everything is fine...

Are you hiding something from me as usual?! Let's confess!

So at one moment the girl uses all the dubious tricks: curiosity, raised tone, obsession, tense intonations, nit-picking. A whole portion of inappropriate behavior instead of elementary words of support for her man.

And he is dejected, a black streak has come in his life, a real "emotional pit" from which he cannot get out.

And the person closest to him, his woman, out of good intentions supposedly "help" digs the grave of relationships. Although she herself does not know about it, she is trying her best to do something for the good.

Dear girls Let me tell you straight away, you are not to blame. You are doing the best you can. But…

If you want to most properly support a man, so that a man gets out of his “cave” as quickly as possible and at the same time starts, continue reading the article.

6 types of women who want to "support" a husband or a man

In my view, there are several types of behavior of the fair sex, when a man suddenly needs the support of his passion.

Sometimes such “assistance” from the outside looks more than ridiculous, so I suggest that readers take an ironic look at each of the types and try to guess themselves or their girlfriends among them.

Advisor woman. She is sure that she knows better how to live a man. How to communicate with employees and your mother. Well, it seems like she knows better.

Often such women gather on the ladies' sidelines and express surprise to each other that their men do not understand how to build their own destiny.

This is the one who, lamenting, is ardently convinced that by doing so she teaches a man not to make mistakes in the future.

Woman friend. “Okay, why are you upset. Everything will be OK. Life goes on. It happens to everyone."Such a friend in a female guise. Often such women in childhood were friends with boys. From there they adopted "manners".

Psychologist woman. Dear girls, if you ask a man the following questions, then this is about you. "Do you want to talk about it? What's bothering you? Let's discuss this?"

After that, you will most likely interrogate the “patient” in detail, set the queue leading questions, do a subtle analysis according to Freud, arrange constellation techniques, RPT, Gestalt therapy and apply other psychological tricks.

Your man literally falls into the hands an experienced doctor who sorts it out.

And now he already regrets that he entrusted himself and his gloomy thoughts to his beloved woman, who, with the precision of a surgeon, divided the whole world into black and white. In addition, the psychologist forgot that she initially attracted a man as a woman, and not as a specialist in some area of ​​\u200b\u200blife.

Compassionate woman. If there is a desire to see mirror reflection his face, distorted by the torment of suffering, then you need to go to her. She will sincerely express her concern, she is not indifferent to any details about your trouble.

And therefore, she is ready to listen to a man for hours and nod in response, stroke the top of her head and wipe his tears with her handkerchief. You can cry non-stop in the compassionate's "zhaletka".

Pressing her lover to her chest, a woman thinks: to show her indifference means to upset a man even more. And they sit together in their one-for-two mourning.

Rescuer woman. She often has all of the above skills and appears to be all-powerful. But among other things, she also does everything she can for her chosen one. And for your chosen one.

It is not a problem for her to write a resume for a man and send documents to rating companies if a man is suddenly fired. She will not hesitate to take a loan or give her money to the startups of her beloved.

“He is my own person! ..” Yes? 🙂

We place accents

Well, did you recognize yourself in at least one of the points? Or maybe I missed some type? You can add about it in the comments.

And remember what's most important.So, what needs to be understood before I give a competent model of female behavior?

Nevertheless, he is a representative of the stronger sex, therefore he must always and everywhere show exclusively his own competence. And do not allow yourself to be weak, even though you are nearby with all your strength trying to become his faithful assistant.

I will give a clear example.

I have a girlfriend, Katya, who previously worked as a business consultant. So… Men also approached her.

The “strange thing” she shared with me is that men were very offended when she started counseling, but were very grateful when she just listened to them. It is important for a man that in a difficult moment you hear him, listen and listen.

The benefits of such behavior of a woman are sometimes many times greater than the sense of her own advice. Why? If you are observant, then you have noticed more than once how closed men become in the hour of failures and trials.

And not only nature is to blame for this, having conceived and created them like that, but partly the women themselves: maybe once your man shared his pain, but what did you do in response? Listened - it's already incredibly much, thank you very much.

But! Immediately, as soon as they stopped listening, they began to advise without asking for it. And the man instantly concluded that it was better not to share absolutely nothing next time. It is much safer to become a snail. Do you understand now?

How to support a man competently and effectively?

1. Try to gently ask him about his experiences.- without hysterical notes in his voice, without feline curiosity and the desire to "ask for the sake of a question."

2. Listen- peacefully, sincerely, with an understanding look and mute participation.

3. Express faith in him as a man- for real, with optimism and motivation for his further victories.

4. Have no doubt that he will cope with any misfortune and misfortune- be resilient in your support, be unshakably confident in your hero.

5. Know and see in him himself smart man in the world- without exaggeration, wanting to take the side of the one who always makes the right decisions.

Report from one of my trainees:

But what to do if all the above tips do not work because the man has closed and is annoyed by any of your attempts to "help"?

Expensive:). And when he finally comes out of his "bunker", start to lament to be happy and continue to love.

P.S. I am not writing all this to make life easier for "poor men."

Vice versa. This is part of what leads to true harmonious relations when a man is purposeful and successful, and a woman is happy, beautiful and protected. And love is long (and not the first - a month, a year or three).

That's all. Thanks for reading my writings. Happiness and love to you.

Write in the comments what you have in your arsenal pleasant words for a loved one?

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Most likely, you are very upset because your friend is in trouble. He could face anything: the death of a loved one, a serious illness, a divorce, or just get a deuce in school. Although you may not always fully understand your friend's feelings, you can be a support for him in such moments and try to reduce his pain a little.

Steps

Be there

Listen to a friend. This is the most important thing you can do for a person who is ill. Be an active listener. This will show that you care about your friend and listen to him. Very often it is much more important for a person to be listened to than to be helped in some other way.

• When you are listening to a friend, make sure that nothing distracts you. This means you don't have to talk to someone else or check to see if messages have arrived on your phone.
• Save eye contact with a friend during a conversation. You don't have to stare all the time, but maintaining eye contact will show that you care about your friend's well-being. it's the same good way not be distracted by other things when you are listening.
• Tell your friend that he can contact you at any time of the day or night, and you will be ready to help. Today you will help a friend, and when trouble happens to you, he will help you. Being a friend means being available, even when it's not very convenient for you.

1. Ask questions that your friend can't answer in one word. Instead of talking about your feelings and experiences, ask a friend what he is going through in this moment. If your friend is talking about a divorce, for example, ask her how she feels at the moment and how you can help her.

   • Instead of asking, "Are you sad?" ask a friend, "How are you feeling right now?" and "What can I do to help you?"

2. Spend time with a friend. When troubles happen, many close in on themselves and do not want to make contact. However, communication helps to cope with negative feelings. Isolation from society can negatively affect mental and physical health. Think of pleasant emotions that you can experience together with your friend. Be there and do things that bring pleasure to both of you, and this will certainly have a positive effect on your friend's mood.

   • Invite your friend to take a walk, go to the movies, or go to a cafe. Whatever activity you choose, it should be interesting for both of you.

3. Take care of your friend's physical comfort. Touch has its own language, and it can explain to a person that you are near and that he is safe with you. But first, ask your friend if he wants to, because not all people are good at touching.

   • Hugs are important for mental "healing". If your friend is upset, especially if they are emotionally depressed, give them a hug or touch their arm. This will show that you are with him and he is safe.
   • If your friend doesn't like being hugged, you can give them a cat or a dog to hold. Animals help to calm down, and many people feel safe petting a pet.

4. Learn to empathize, feel the pain of a person. Your friend needs to know that you empathize with him. Show him that you care about his pain and want to ease it.

   • For example, your friend Masha recently suffered a divorce. Of course, you can say, "Poor thing, I'm so sorry you left your husband." But it would be better if you say: "Masha, I understand how you feel, and I know how you loved your husband."

5. Make life easier for your friend. If a friend is going through a difficult time for him, then most likely it is difficult for him to do his usual things. Tell him that you are ready to help and take on some responsibilities to make his life easier.

   • For example, you can help him with cooking or cleaning the house. It is for cleaning that most often there is no strength left when you feel emotionally depressed.
   • Invite a friend to go shopping or take him to a doctor's appointment.
   • Think about how you can help a friend, and perhaps your help will improve his mood.
   • Be sure to ask your friend how you can help them instead of deciding what they need. Don't make assumptions.

6. Give something to your friend. It will definitely lift his spirits. This will show that you care about him. You cannot be with him all the time, but you can do something to lessen his suffering.

   • Bake a cookie he likes and mail it in with a note mentioning how much you love this person.
   • Choose a gift that will remind a friend of you and send it along with a card.
   • Choose something that will make your friend laugh: a funny postcard, an old photo of you fooling around together, or something similar. Pick something that will make your friend smile.

   Distract a friend

   1. Walk together. A change of scenery can help a friend take his mind off negative thoughts. Walk around your neighborhood, looking for something new, unusual, or interesting.

      • Move the conversation to another topic. Instead of talking about the problem for hours, talk about the color of the sky or the strange smell you're smelling. Observe the animals and your surroundings.

   2. Organize a movie screening. Movies and TV shows will distract a friend from experiences at least for a while.

      • Don't watch sad movies. If a friend's father died of cancer, avoid movies that mention cancer or where one of the characters' parents dies. If a girl left a friend, you should not watch movies about relationships. Choose a light and interesting movie.

   3. Fool around. This great way take your mind off the pain and make your friend smile. Laughter is the best medicine. Laughter makes you feel better physical health so laugh to feel good.

      • Return to childhood. Turn into angels by throwing white sheets over yourself. Try to talk with distorted voices. Or instead of walking normally, try jumping.
      • Engage in fun creativity, draw portraits of each other or write funny poems.

   4. Do something new for you. Something new and unusual will distract a person. In addition, he will feel happier. Your friend will think of something new to him and will not focus on his problem.

      • Join the gym together, do needlework or gardening. You can also take up painting.
      • Do not impose something new on a person without first asking him if he wants to do it. This can upset him even more, and you don't want that at all.

   5. Help someone along with a friend. Helping others reduces stress, encourages you to be more compassionate, and increases resilience. The person who is experiencing better times, needs it all.

      • Become a volunteer. Volunteering is a great way to do something for the benefit of society, help someone and participate in something important. Do charity work, help a homeless animal shelter or organizations that feed the needy. Read to children or help in a nursing home.
      • Try to cheer up together mutual friend. Often, joint efforts positive result- a person calms down, because he sees what problems others have.
      • Do something nice for someone. You can cook food for another friend or make a card with your own hands.

   6. Take a trip. This is a great way to distract a friend from his problem. Travel involves new places and sights that can interest your friend and distract him from misfortune.

      • You can go on a long trip: tour Europe or hike the John Muir Trail.
      • You can also choose to take a shorter trip: go to the beach for the weekend, go mountain climbing, or go on an excursion to a nearby town.

   Avoid common mistakes

   1. Let a friend be sad. No need to say such phrases: "You should cheer up." This is about the worst thing you can say to a frustrated person, especially if they are struggling with depression and anxiety at the same time. By saying this phrase, you are telling the person to stop being sad. If you ask someone to stop being sad, it will be a reflection of your feelings (you feel bad because your friend is feeling bad), not the friend's feelings. You will actually say that your discomfort with his sadness is more important than his grief. If you a true friend, you shouldn't do this. Let your friend be sad if he feels that way.

      • No need to tell a person what he should feel and what not; Everyone has the right to feel and express emotions.

   2. Don't avoid talking to your friend. You may not know what to say when you meet a friend who is in trouble. But this is no reason to avoid a friend. Instead, think about what you can say to cheer up your friend. In most cases, simply saying, “I’m sorry this happened to you is enough. How can I help you?"

   3. Focus on your friend's problem. Don't take the conversation to yourself. This mistake is often made by many people. It seems to you that you are talking to a person about his problem, but in fact you are talking about yourself.

      • When communicating with a friend, you should not tell stories from your life, emphasizing that you had similar situation in life and you successfully coped with it.
      • For example, you shouldn't say something like this: "I know what it's like to be abandoned. Do you remember how Andrei left me in front of everyone? I felt so bad then, but I survived it. In recent months I feel pretty calm."
      • Better say this: "I know that you are in pain. It will definitely get better with time, but now it is not easy for you. I will be there if you need something."

   4. 1. Take care of yourself. If you take a friend's emotions and problems too personally, then chances are you're feeling stressed too. In this case, you need a rest. You may experience emotional exhaustion. So be aware of your limits. Don't be overprotective of your friend. There is a difference between just being a support and taking care of someone close to you in everything.

         • If your friend keeps calling you asking for help, learn to say no if circumstances don't allow you to help him. You have many other important responsibilities. Say, "I know you're not feeling well right now and need support. I care about you and really want to help. But I want you to respect my time too, I won't be able to see you today. Let's reschedule our meeting for the weekend." .
         • Call a service that can help your friend.
         • If you think your friend is about to commit suicide, call the national hotline on suicide prevention.
      • You can't always cheer up your friend. Sometimes you need to give a person the opportunity to mourn. Most importantly, your friend must know that you are ready to support him when he needs it.

We all know how hard it is to be in a situation where you need to comfort someone, but right words is not located.

Fortunately, more often than not, people don't expect specific advice from us. It is important for them to feel that someone understands them, that they are not alone. So first, just describe how you feel. For example, with the help of such phrases: “I know that it’s very hard for you now”, “I’m sorry that it’s so hard for you.” This is how you make it clear that you really see what it's like right now. close person.

2. Confirm that you understand these feelings.

But be careful, do not draw all the attention to yourself, do not try to prove that you were even worse. Briefly mention that you have also been in a similar situation before, and ask more about the condition of the one you are comforting.

3. Help a loved one sort out the problem

Even if a person is looking for ways to resolve a difficult situation, first he just needs to speak out. This is especially true for women.

So wait to offer solutions to the problem and listen. This will help the person you are comforting to sort out their feelings. After all, sometimes it is easier to understand your own experiences by talking about them to others. Answering your questions, the interlocutor can find some solutions himself, understand that everything is not as bad as it seems, and simply feel relieved.

Here are some phrases and questions that can be used in this case:

• Tell me what happened.
• Say what's bothering you.
• What led to this?
• Help me understand how you feel.
• What scares you the most?

At the same time, try to avoid questions with the word "why", they are too similar to condemnation and will only anger the interlocutor.

4. Do not minimize the suffering of the interlocutor and do not try to make him laugh

When we are faced with the tears of a loved one, we, quite naturally, want to cheer him up or convince him that his problems are not so terrible. But what seems trifling to ourselves can often upset others. So don't minimize the other person's suffering.

And if someone really worries about a trifle? Ask if there is any data that diverges from his view of the situation. Then offer your opinion and share an alternative way out. Here it is very important to clarify whether they want to hear your opinion, without this it may seem too aggressive.

5. Offer physical support if appropriate

Sometimes people do not want to talk at all, they just need to feel that there is a loved one nearby. In such cases, it is not always easy to decide how to behave.

Your actions should correspond to the usual behavior with this or that person. If you are not too close, it will be enough to put a hand on your shoulder or lightly hug. Also look at the behavior of the other person, perhaps he himself will make it clear what he needs.

Remember that you should not be too zealous when comforting: a partner may take this for flirting and be offended.

6. Suggest ways to solve the problem

If the person only needs your support and not specific advice, the above steps may be sufficient. By sharing your experiences, your interlocutor will feel relieved.

Ask if there is anything else you can do. If the conversation takes place in the evening, and most often it does, offer to go to bed. As you know, the morning is wiser than the evening.

If your advice is needed, ask first if the other person has any ideas. Decisions are made more readily when they come from someone who is in a contentious situation. If the person you are comforting has a vague idea of ​​what can be done in their position, help develop concrete steps. If he does not know what to do at all, offer your options.

If a person is sad not because of any particular event, but because he has, immediately proceed to a discussion of specific actions that can help. Or offer to do something like go for a walk together. Excessive thinking will not only not help get rid of depression, but, on the contrary, will aggravate it.

7. Promise to continue to support

At the end of the conversation, be sure to mention again that you understand how hard it is for a loved one now, and that you are ready to continue to support him in everything.

Good afternoon, dear readers! Everyone wants to be taken care of and supported in a difficult moment. When you are in a relationship, you always try to be a support for your loved one. Today I want to talk to you about how to cheer up a man. What to do when he quit or his depression dragged on and what exactly is better to avoid at such moments.

office problems

Difficulties in a man related to work are divided into two categories: he works too much or he has been sitting without work at all for a long time. If you are in the first situation, then you can not do without the article "". In the article I talk about the features of such men and what your support is like.

In my opinion, when a man has a job and he devotes a lot of time to it, this is much better than when he sits at home and does not even try to find a new occupation for himself. Therefore, I would like to focus on this problem.

To understand what tactics of behavior you choose, first you need to decide what type your unemployed man belongs to. After all, we all have a different attitude to problems and cope with crises in different ways.

The first option is a martyr. Such a man is always in a depressed mood and does not show any activity. He rarely leaves the house, prefers to watch TV shows or, which no longer bring such pleasure as before. If he spends time with you, he complains a lot.

He does not want to do household chores, they are boring and uninteresting for him. humiliate his dignity. Previously, he was in good shape, clear-cut, job competition, serious tasks. Now the whole world seems to have stopped.

With such a man you need to act on concrete examples. Did something good - well done! No matter how hard it is for you, no matter how much you want to switch from encouraging to sarcastic remarks - hold on. Remember all the good that this man did for you and do not stop being his support at this difficult moment.

The second option is an insecure activist. Such a guy shows a lot of activity, but the mood is more bad and depressed. With deeds, he is trying to plug the hole that was formed after the dismissal.

He can do all the chores around the house, just because he has to move and do something. Constant interviews that do not end with anything good and only spoil his mood even more. This man talks about work all the time.

Such a man is accustomed to quickly solve the problem. And he started looking for a job immediately. But the problem is that emotionally he is not yet ready for this. Hence the failures in interviews, he grabs everything in a row and only gets angrier when it doesn’t work out.

Try asking him how he would advise his friend, who is in the same situation as him, to do. Help him in his search, let him not grab every vacancy, but choose the one. Do a test interview at home so that he is ready and feels more confident (be sure to read and apply the recommendations from the article - How to prepare for an interview so that everything goes well).

The third option is a joker. Chic and high spirits, but there is absolutely no desire to seek new job. This man can finally do all the things that he put off due to lack of time. He goes to visit relatives, goes in for sports or minor repairs at home. He looks active, but this activity is in no way aimed at finding a new job.

If you remain silent and do not show in any way that the situation is annoying you, then this way you can live for a very long time. But remember that phrases like “let's talk”, “what are you thinking”, “I think you have problems” and so on repel men.

Try to approach from the other side. Tell us about your emotions and feelings, worries and fears. For example, offer to watch his favorite, and then discuss plans.

The fourth option is the controller. Him good mood, activity and gushing. Such a man can do advanced training or start studying new theme. He will not get any job, maybe he has even turned down several offers. The problem with such a partner is that he does not say anything, he just says that everything is under control.

I want to offer you an article "". It contains many useful and practical tips.

What to do if your lover is in bad mood already for a long time, nothing pleases him, he often gets sick, he doesn’t want anything and you feel that at such a pace he will soon fall into.

In such a situation, you need to understand how you can cheer him up. If he gets tired of big digging and does not want to see anyone, then you need to give him time to be alone with yourself, but show that you are always there and ready to provide all the necessary support.

If you know what friends do beneficial effect, your man is charged with positive communication, then you should try to meet friends, maybe invite them home, or vice versa, get out of the four walls.

Believe it or not, board games can really lift your spirits. Invite a couple of close friends over for a monopoly night. May it be a fun and peaceful evening. Don't bring up serious topics, just take a break and relax. Maybe your boyfriend has a lover board game from childhood?

You can make his dream come true. Learn about secret desire your partner. For example, he has long wanted to go karting, see all the parts of " star wars» in one evening, cook a huge pizza. Just don't push him too hard. Offer and see the response.

Walking is uplifting. You can try to drag your loved one outside. Of course, it is better to choose a day when it will be good weather. Go to a place you haven't been before. And do not press on him with conversations.
Your care and affection may be excessive in an attempt to cheer up a man. Sometimes he wants to be alone with himself, think or do stupid things that distract him from all thoughts. Give him time to be alone.

What better not to do

Don't ask too many questions. This tactic only makes them more annoying and angry. Another phrase "how are you" can just drive a man crazy. Women prefer to cry, eat sweets or buy a new pair shoes. And the man closes and tries to solve the problem. Give him time and show that you are there and always ready to listen, support and help. It will be much more useful and valuable.

Some women panic when a man experiences a crisis. They take over everything more, they begin to worry that he has fallen out of love, or he has another woman, or he, or a million other options. Calm down and mind your own business. Your panic will only make matters worse.

Another problem of a woman who does not know how to console her man is that she begins to try to save him. Do not do this. He is a man and must handle the situation on his own. Best Tactic- show confidence in him.
There is nothing worse than unsolicited advice.

Even if you are sure that you have a brilliant idea, do not tell your loved one about it. Your advice may be perceived as doubts about his ability to solve problems. If he asks for help and advice, then yes. In any other situation, keep the advice to yourself.

In no case should you reproach and blame your beloved. Like, you yourself are to blame, you will never cope, you can’t do anything, and so on. Now it’s hard for him, most likely, he doubts himself. In such a moment of vulnerability, your words can hurt him deeply and cause serious harm.

cook for him delicious dinner, show that you are there, that you are confident in him, that you know that he can handle it.

Tell your story: what is happening with your loved one now, how are you trying to cheer him up, how does he react to your help? After all, every situation is different. So feel free to write to me and together we will find a way out of your situation.

Best wishes to you!