Even the most good families There are problems that everyone diligently hides not only from others, but also from themselves. Lack of intimacy, unhealthy addictions, different kinds violence (psychological, physical), codependency - these and other problems are passed on from generation to generation. People disperse and only a few find the strength to build the next stronger union, starting, of course, with themselves. After all, a lot in the family begins, of course, with the woman. We have the power to decorate the life not only of our partner, but also, first of all, to create a real happy life for myself. After all, hope for worthy man It’s possible all our lives, but until we ourselves begin to change the habits and attitudes that prevent us from living in harmony, first of all, with ourselves, nothing around us will change.

Happily married couples are no smarter, richer, or prettier than couples living in marital hell. There is only one, but significant difference between them: happy couples do not allow the negative to prevail over the positive - assures expert conflictologist, director of the Center for Conflict Resolution Irina Tarasova

Sometimes I just need to watch how a husband and wife discuss any issue on which they do not have a common opinion, regardless of what area it relates to: raising children, financial difficulties, buying a car on credit or going on vacation. Jokes, coquetry, expressions of tenderness, smiles, confidential or sincere intonation are positive signals. Negative signals include eye rolling, sarcasm, etc. Ideal ratio- that's five positive signals for one negative. - says practicing conflict expert Irina Tarasova (director of the Irina Tarasova Conflict Resolution Center)

What advice from an expert psychologist should be implemented now?!

1. “FILTER” YOUR STATEMENTS

Women who try to criticize their spouse less when discussing sensitive issues feel happier. The reaction of a man and the result of negotiations in a positive direction always brings the greatest effectiveness.

2. DON’T BE AFRAID TO KEEP THE BAR HIGH

Successful marriages are those in which the partners refuse to tolerate neglect from the very beginning. The lower the level of tolerance for such partner behavior, the happier the couple will be. It is necessary to define your boundaries without overstepping the boundaries of your partner.

3. DON’T DELAY SEEKING HELP

Feeling that something is wrong with their marriage, the average couple prefers to wait 6 years before turning to specialists for help. About half of all marriages break up after 7 years. After which, creating new relationships, women step on the same rake, reaching the same period in the relationship.

4. Always talk about the problem, but CAREFULLY!

Many disputes begin with claims or criticism. This the right way get bogged down in emotions, discussing old grievances and things that have happened for a long time days gone by, and thus deprive yourself of hope for constructive solution Problems.

5. LISTEN TO YOUR PARTNER’S WISHES

True partnership is possible only when both spouses are able to meet each other halfway. Women usually do this well, but it doesn't hurt men to master the art of compromise. For example, a husband must be willing to change his plans at the request of his wife. Otherwise, he is putting his marriage at great risk.

6. LEARN TO END AN ARGUMENT ON TIME

Learn to retreat and remember that quarrels in marriage are sometimes like verbal aikido: in order to win, sometimes you have to give in. You need to constantly demonstrate to your spouse that you respect his feelings and appreciate what he does. Use the phrases “I am grateful and want to thank you for...”, “I understand how difficult it is for you,” “This is our a common problem" If the argument turns into a quarrel, take a timeout for 20 minutes. Return to the discussion when you are both ready to discuss the issue in a calm state.

7. HARMONIOUS EDUCATION OF CHILDREN with due attention and without overprotection. Spend enough time communicating with your baby and find out about his feelings. Learn to talk openly with your child about your feelings. When talking about his wrong actions, be sure to talk about his virtues. Children are indicators of the atmosphere in the family. If there is constant resentment in the family parents - child He will not be calm and happy when he is with his dad or mom; he always needs to spend time together. The child is mischievous, draws attention to himself with negative actions - the problem is yours, and only yours!!! By paying attention to your child, you will receive full benefits. And vice versa.

Parental overprotection also brings the most Negative consequences. Child stepping into adult life remains a defenseless Child, unable to take a single step without the help of mom or dad.

And finally, remember in happy marriage Spouses, when discussing problems, say 5 times more pleasant things to each other than unpleasant ones.

What is the virtue of a wife, woman, mother? The ability to understand what your husband or child wants, what makes him happy, while identifying and communicating it so that the man or child hears your interests. And this is always your responsibility. Only then, being close to your family, will you and all family members feel comfortable with each other.

I wish true feminine happiness to every woman!

However, often a woman misjudges herself and therefore cannot build right relationship with a man. How can you learn to be a happy woman? This is great science. Here are some principles to help you remember what makes a woman a woman.

1. A woman’s sphere of influence, her place of effort, her kingdom is her home. Whether we like it or not, if we really want happiness in the family, we must learn to properly organize household chores. Such as cooking, washing, cleaning, even renovating the apartment (if necessary, we can and should inspire our husband to renovate). As for the kitchen (food), then it is necessary to take into account the peculiarities of the husband’s stomach, otherwise we will be in trouble later.

2. If it sometimes seems to us that a man should clean the apartment himself, without reminders, then this means that we simply do not understand and humiliate the man. Instead of boring lectures, you need to ask for help and there will be no humiliation. And it’s also worth remembering (as an axiom): a man’s sense of purity does not exist. It's like the sun is shining or it's snowing. That's all!

3. A man’s sphere of influence is everything that is outside the home, so earning money is the husband’s sphere of activity. And if a man accuses a woman of not earning enough money, this is a direct insult. A woman can work only for pleasure.

4. Home clothes women should be as if every day is special holiday her personal kingdom. The most beautiful women's clothing- the one in which she walks around the house, and not the one in which she attracts men on the street.

5. In your relationship with your husband, you need to humiliate yourself a little. This is not humiliation at all, but an advantage. Because a woman is always the center of attention - both from her children and from her husband. It is like a middle transmission link – it receives and transmits from top to bottom, and receives and transmits from bottom to top. A man can only get happiness from his wife directly. And because a woman is closer to the children, she gives the father the opportunity to receive happiness from the children.

6. A man is the head, and a woman is the heart. Never criticize your husband in the presence of other people or children. After all, the heart cannot criticize the head - it can only suggest. Even if a man made a wrong decision, it was made by him, and based on the experience already gained next solution will be more correct. We need to allow our men to correct their mistakes on their own. This way they grow wiser faster and become more responsible.

7. Inspire your man. Even if he doesn’t know how to hammer a nail or get a profitable order, if his wife inspires him to do this, the man will try his best. And if the wife finds the right incentive, her family will be well financially secure. One should not think that it is better for a woman to earn money herself - a man by nature is much better suited to this.

8. When speaking, watch your intonation. When you talk to your husband, try to keep your voice soft and murmurous. You can learn to say even difficult things with a gentle voice. A harsh tone always causes rejection.

9. You can lose your job, but never lose your family. If we don’t understand this in time, we regret it very bitterly later. One should not think that gentleness is demeaning. Softness is inherent in feminine nature and her correct use is the key to success in relationships. By not allowing yourself to sit on your neck, but by gently guiding a man, you will make him more courageous and noble.

10. My good women, it will be difficult for us to change. Knowing and doing are very different things. We are all afraid of change. However, some are only afraid, while others are afraid and do. I am a supporter of the latter. The road cannot be perfectly smooth - we will make mistakes, fall, rise and move on, supporting each other.

If we can make our men happy, we will be happy ourselves. And our children will live together all over the Earth.

All movies about love end with the perfect picture of how “they lived happily ever after.” Real life shows that marital happiness is not a self-evident consequence of marriage. The question of how to become happy in marriage is relevant for many women who do not feel satisfied with family life next to their partner.

What is the reason for the difference in the worldview “before” and “after” marriage? According to statistics, more than 70% of women admit to unjustified expectations after marriage. Where do disappointments, resentments, dissatisfaction and the feeling that you have been deceived come from?

Bride at any cost

First you need to figure out why women want to get married. Everyone, of course, wants a big one and bright love, but for many the fact of marriage is simply important.

1. Stereotypes. If you haven't gotten married before of a certain age, that means she’s an “old maid”, parents put pressure on her, relatives pester her with questions.
2. Herd instinct. All my friends are married - I need it too.
3. The child must have a father. Full family at any cost, even if there is an internal understanding that what is happening is a mistake, just a coincidence.
4. It's easier with two people. Pulling the burden of life together is twice as easy, responsibilities and expenses are divided in half, but being with a person of convenience will become more and more difficult every day.

Now you should honestly answer the question of why you married this particular person. If according to one of the above, then perhaps this is simply not your person, because it turns out that anyone could be in his place.

Another question is if the choice was a conscious one, you wanted to connect your life with this particular man, but at some point something went wrong. In this case, you can rephrase the question a little and understand how to continue to be happy in your marriage every day.

1. Rose-colored glasses are not suitable. It is better to remove them before the moment of pronouncing wedding vows. Ideal people does not happen, and if you agree to this particular man’s proposal, it means that you are ready to accept him with all the advantages and disadvantages, and quite a few of them will probably emerge later. If you hope to re-educate and change a person to suit you, then this is completely wasted work that will bring nothing but disappointment and resentment.
2. Compromise. It will have to be done constantly in order to maintain a healthy climate in the family. It is just as impossible to endlessly adapt and give in as it is to constantly insist on your own, expecting understanding from your partner. Constant dialogue, understanding and the desire to avoid disputes over trifles, as well as making joint decisions on key issues, make spouses partners who are important and necessary to each other.
3. If you want to live happily, live secretly. And this is one of the most valuable advice. Do not expose problems that arise in the family to public view, do not allow strangers (even if they are close relatives) to interfere in your family life, do not ask your friends for advice, describing a controversial situation in all its colors. Everything that happens between two people should remain between them.
4. Skeletons in the closet. Everyone has past life, for each of the spouses. So this past life should remain there, there is no need to arrange an inquiry and extort from your spouse the details of his past adventures, and there is also no need to dwell on this topic yourself. This frankness brings nothing but unfounded suspicions and creeping doubts.
5. Disagreements happen to everyone, it is important to be able to make them a short film, and not turn them into a multi-part series with the prospect of development over several seasons. At the moment of a dispute, you should not start to sort things out by getting personal, remembering past grievances, or recalling old disagreements. If a dispute has arisen, argue on a specific topic, which will be exhausted there.
6. The best medicine is laughter. Including for relationships. If you stop laughing together, things are really wrong. A sense of humor, the ability to look at a situation from the other side, and reducing the importance of what is happening is a guarantee that the number of controversial situations will be much smaller, and those that arise will be resolved faster and more painlessly.
7. Interest. Retain the desire to surprise and delight your spouse. Remember how it was in candy-bouquet period, when surprises were completely commonplace, when you wanted to do things for your other half just like that for no reason. Feeling your effort and interest, your partner will definitely respond to you in kind, in this case, do not forget to show gratitude, give compliments and, like the first time, be surprised and admired.
8. Remember the most destructive things that are out of the question in a happy marriage:
   • Contempt - all the partner’s undertakings are met with disdain, with some superiority and even disgust, from such an attitude in any person, even if he is very interested in you, the desire will disappear to do something;
   • Defense - forcing the spouse to constantly justify himself, inventing non-existent claims;
   • Criticism - thinking that the partner’s actions are doomed to failure, citing the fact that “you know better” will lead to the person giving up and stopping even trying to take actions;
   • Opposition is to assume in advance that the spouse is wrong, without even trying to understand the situation.

Of course there is an unambiguous recipe for solving emerging family problems does not exist. Constantly working on yourself and your relationship with your partner is the only answer to the question of how you can become happy in marriage. Family happiness depends on how willing the spouses are to be together.

Being together means accepting and understanding each other in different ways. life situations. At the same time, it is important not to completely dissolve in your partner, to remain yourself, and not to lose your own “I”. Only in this case will you always remain a mystery to your husband, which he will want to solve throughout his life together.

How to be happy in marriage... This question is asked not only by women who celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary with their husband. Question, how to be happy in marriage, those who recently acquired the status of a married lady often ask themselves. But, despite age differences, the recipe for happiness is absolutely the same for all people. The main values ​​in life are love, children, work, more precisely, career success, self-realization. These values ​​come first in the lives of both women and men. Happiness is, first of all, harmony within yourself. This is where you need to start changing your life.

The right attitude

The answer to the question is how to be happy in marriage is similar to becoming loved. After all, it is always important for a woman to feel like a woman, at any age, regardless of status. It is not easy to remain desired by your spouse, especially with the burden of household chores and child care. Difficulties and everyday life should be viewed not as an obstacle to personal happiness, but as an incentive to strengthen your family happiness. It is very difficult to be a good mother, a good housewife and a lover at the same time. If there are any difficulties along the way, you need to remember how much you have experienced so that your life lived does not seem in vain.

Towards love

Many women cannot understand the reason that a man has lost interest in his wife. It would seem that everything remains in place: home bathrobe, cozy fluffy slippers, Tasty dinner and dinner, the house is orderly and clean. But women do not think that a simple housecoat can decorate a young girl, but an adult lady turn into an unkempt, tired housewife. To be happy and loved, it is not enough to cook well and have an easy-going character. To question how to be happy in marriage, sounded only from the outside, you need to go towards love, for example, alpine skiing. Sport is something that diversifies life and brings back great shape and the love of a man.

Home comfort

Family relationships and extramarital relationships have both similarities and differences. The answer to the question how to be happy in the family, there will be more arrangement hearth and home. A man who decides to start a family needs not only love and attention. In order for your husband to look forward to returning home, you need to not only arrange your home, but do it with pleasure. If you can’t decorate your apartment correctly on your own, you can take the advice of professionals. For example, arrange a house according to Feng Shui, dividing the space into several zones, namely the zone of love, children, career or homework.

Love is a game

After living with a person for even a year, a habit arises. It affects the fact that the embarrassment to do something in the presence of a husband, for example, eat, gradually disappears. A woman gets used to it and is not afraid to seem different from how she was when she met. This is the main mistake that women make in relationships with men. You should never fully open up to a man. This does not mean that you need to hide something from your husband or not share your experiences. You always need to play with a man. Transform from caring mothers into an inaccessible cold beauty. For those who have forgotten how to do this, you can try playing in public.

The most difficult thing is not to find your happiness, your man, but to keep him. In order for the relationship with your husband to be as passionate, tender and devoted as in the first years of family life, you need to keep the man in suspense. On the one hand, a man must trust his wife and not be afraid to confess his secrets. But on the other hand, he doubts what kind of woman is next to him. There is no clear opinion as to who a man is looking for. Some psychologists believe that a man needs a wife-mother, others believe that men are looking for snow queens to earn their love. In order not to doubt your choice, it is best to combine both images.

Family relationships include not only love, care, respect and tenderness, but also constantly arising problems, compromises, difficulties, disagreements, patience. Women have been wondering for a long time what principles will lead to family happiness and mutual understanding between spouses? Whether there is a universal remedy, the most correct and perfect advice who will bring happiness to the house and preserve the feelings of the spouses? There is no secret or principle that would guarantee a calm and happy family life, since what is ideal for one married couple, another one may absolutely not be suitable. After all, every family is a separate state with its own laws, rules and regulations. But psychologists are able to give advice that will make life easier and make relationships more productive and warm.

The ability to forgive

The ability to treat each other with understanding and forgive the weaknesses, shortcomings, and actions of a loved one in family life is priceless. Family life It is never sweet and carefree; it has a place for both happy moments and difficult, sad moments. You should not hold a grudge, this leads to increased tension between loved ones and the emergence of quarrels and disagreements. If any complaints arise, it is better to sit down and talk openly, as frankly as possible with each other, so that there is nothing left that is suppressed. Talking will help you avoid conflicts in the family.

Keep your emotions in check

The inability to control emotions in most cases is the cause of quarrels and conflicts in the family. Even people, selflessly loving friend each other are capable of hurting each other under the influence of emotions. That's why it's so important to learn how to manage them. Most often, women commit some actions and rash actions under the influence of emotions, and then regret what they did. If a woman feels that she is on the edge, she needs to try to calm down and put her thoughts and feelings in order. At this moment, it is better to leave the room in which the spouse is located, go to Fresh air, take a deep breath and count to 10, then back. Entering the room, the woman will be surprised at herself and notice that she could have made an irreparable mistake. Emotions can be too dangerous for those who do not know how to manage them.

A chance to take a break from each other

If young people get married and live under the same roof, creating a family, this does not mean that they should spend 24 hours a day together. Each spouse needs to have their own space, a personal territory in which they can restore mental strength, find inspiration and return home refreshed. Another important rule- This is respect for each other's personal space.

Don't get carried away with criticism

Some people criticize unconsciously, not out of a desire to hurt or offend loved one, but because they tend to see other people’s shortcomings and not notice their advantages. The other half has both strengths, and weak. You should not notice only weaknesses, ignoring a lot of advantages.

For example, if he doesn’t get along with plumbing, he doesn’t know how to repair broken electrical appliances, but at the same time he is excellent at finding mutual language with children, spends time with them in an exciting and useful way, engaging in their development, then why not praise him and notice his ability to build harmonious and trusting relationship?

Honesty

Honesty is the basis of any relationship. Without it, it is impossible to create a strong and lasting union. It is worth remembering that a lie always becomes obvious. Initially, you need to build a relationship with your spouse based on trust and honesty. Only in this case will marriage bring happiness and harmony.