Children's tearfulness. Causes and solutions

Tears are a common reaction to some sad event; increased tearfulness is a symptom of mental or physical exhaustion. In the differential diagnosis, it is necessary to exclude brain diseases:

• multiple sclerosis,
• bulbar palsy,
• cerebral atherosclerosis.

In any case, a neurological examination is necessary. As a rule, in this case, along with drug therapy, psychotherapy is prescribed.

Treatment of tearfulness

To get rid of increased tearfulness, you need to radically change your lifestyle. Of course, this will take a lot of time. Start small - bring more positivity into your life. Surround yourself with bright colors: decorate the window with colored curtains, hang beautiful paintings on the wall, buy brighter clothes.

Stop watching the news at night

For the most part, they only carry negativity, upsetting and escalating the situation even more. Watch only good films.

Don't forget about rest

Be sure to please yourself with sweets, give yourself gifts, and at least occasionally allow yourself what you want for your soul and body. If you love skating, love going to the theater, or enjoy dancing, then you have the opportunity to get rid of overwhelming emotions and forget about troubles. A hobby brings color to life and distracts from the daily routine.

Take care of your health

Let proper nutrition, daily exercise and healthy sleep become habitual for you. Within a month or two you will see significant changes. It’s not for nothing that they say: “A healthy mind in a healthy body.”

Tearfulness in children

Children's excitability, tearfulness and emotionality are much higher than the same qualities in adults. And this is normal, since the child’s psyche is still unstable. If you notice that a child cries too often and a lot (at least compared to his peers), then there may be several reasons.

First of all, we can talk about the temperament or individual characteristics of the child’s nervous system. People with a weak nervous system and in adulthood are characterized by increased sensitivity, vulnerability and a tendency to melancholy.

A common mistake parents make is that they try to overcome the tearfulness of such a melancholic child, urging him not to cry and even sometimes ridiculing his tears, especially if we are talking about a boy. In fact, such upbringing results in the child’s lack of self-confidence and self-acceptance being added to the natural tearfulness.

Over time, the child’s psyche strengthens, self-control develops, and he will cry less and less. However, when communicating with a child, it is useful to consciously focus his attention on the good aspects of life, gently switch him from the negative, without allowing him to “get hung up” on the bad for a long time.

If a child’s tearfulness manifests itself unexpectedly, then the cause should first of all be sought in the presence of some kind of chronic stress. Adaptation to kindergarten or school, parental divorce or conflicts in the family, problems in relationships with peers - all these factors weaken the child’s nervous system, making him excitable.

Often a child becomes whiny during age crises (one year, three and seven years). Once the crisis period is overcome, such tearfulness usually goes away on its own.

Separately, it is worth mentioning the more serious causes of children's tearfulness. For example, we are talking about childhood depression or experiences of violence. If you notice that your child has suddenly become very whiny, tense, his interest in life has decreased and he has stopped engaging in hobbies, communication with family and friends has decreased, nervous tics, nightmares and other serious symptoms have appeared, it makes sense to contact a child psychologist for help. detailed diagnosis of the child’s emotional state.

Questions and answers on the topic "Tearfulness"

Question:Lately I've started to notice that I've turned into a real crybaby. For example, I can perfectly understand that a broken knee or a minor squabble with someone I know is not worth worrying too much about, but for some reason I still start crying. That is, I understand that it’s not worth it, that all these are trifles and that similar incidents have happened to me dozens of times already, but I still continue to cry. Why is this happening to me? Maybe it's because I'm too impressionable and emotional? Or do I have weak nerves? How to deal with this? Maybe I should take an anxiety test?

Answer: Yes, this may be a consequence of neurosis or hormonal changes in the body. Check with an endocrinologist, this condition is often caused by the thyroid gland. Neurosis that arises against the background of stressful situations (usually protracted) is also not a gift. Well, and finally, the critical age (either adolescence or menopause). In any case, peony tincture (take according to instructions), a contrast shower, and if you feel a lump in the throat, the homeopathic remedy Ignacy will help you. But you still need to check your thyroid gland.

Question:Good afternoon. There is no more strength left. I constantly feel tired, and not just tired, but exhausted to the limit. From morning until evening. I feel sick all the time, I have no appetite, I try to cook something tasty, but there is no pleasure from eating (My head is spinning and I feel like crying all the time from helplessness, but I don’t even have the strength to cry.

Answer: Natalya, you have severe astheno-neurotic depressive syndrome. Consultation with a psychologist is mandatory.

Question:My father had a second stroke, now after resuscitation he is already in the ward, when we visit, he cries very often, this didn’t happen before after 1 stroke, will it go away?

Answer: This is a consequence of a brain damaged after a stroke. As old-school neurologists say, “it’s the right hemisphere that’s crying.” There are “non-normative” states - unjustified cheerfulness - euphoria, increased tearfulness, aggressiveness, negativism. It should pass, the brain will compensate. But it all depends on the location of the lesion, the area of ​​the lesion and the compensatory capabilities of the brain.

Question:Hello, I am interested in the following question. Lately, I constantly want to cry over trifles: I see a commercial with small children, animals, in which there is nothing sad at all. I could cry over this film from beginning to end. It started not so long ago, a few months ago. I have never been mentally unstable; there are no serious problems or stress in my life.

Answer: Your tearfulness is a sign that you need to get married and have children. Congratulations - it looks like you are ripe for marriage and a serious relationship. Perhaps, subconsciously, when you watch touching films and cute animals and children, you think that you could already have such small children or your own home with such animals - and a husband into the bargain. You reported so briskly about the absence of serious stress that I began to doubt it. Tearfulness from time to time is normal: our tear glands should be cleansed from time to time and remove harmful toxins from the body. In addition, tears relieve stress and tension from internal dissatisfaction. This is a sign of mature emotionality.

Question:The child is 10 years old. Since childhood I was whiny, they thought he would outgrow it, but with age it got worse. Cries both from pain and resentment. We live with our grandmother, she takes full care of him, fussing with him like a little one, he is also very slow, we argue about this, but she does not want to understand us. He has no friends at school, he only communicates with girls. I convince him that this is not possible, everyone laughs, but in my opinion he is not particularly ashamed of his tearfulness. He doesn’t want to go anywhere, only computers are on his mind.

Answer: A child’s slowness may be a consequence of his physiological characteristics. By scolding him, you will not change his nature in any way, but you will contribute to the formation of low self-esteem and self-doubt, which apparently has already happened. By continuing to take care of him like a baby, you do not give him a chance to grow up and learn to cope with the situations he finds himself in in life on his own, this causes his reluctance to go anywhere, and the need for communication is realized with the help of a computer. His tearfulness and touchiness are a sure signal that you need to change your position towards the child. I think that both your son and you need in-person help from a psychologist.

Hello. The boy is 6 years old. Very whiny and emotional if something doesn’t work out for him or he doesn’t have time to immediately burst into tears. I used to go to kindergarten normally, but lately I don’t want to go to kindergarten. Ask him why he says that when they start studying in notebooks he can’t do it and he cries. Or if someone offends him, he also cries. They tried to explain that he was already big and there was no need to cry, but it didn’t help. In September we started going to school preparation and the same thing didn’t work out and she immediately started crying. He used to be whiny too. But when I gave birth to a child (the little one is now one year old) and it seems to me the situation worsened. I even wondered if it was worth sending him to school from the age of 7. Please help me with advice. Thank you in advance.

Svetlana785

Svetlana Dyachenko

Administrator

Svetlana785, hello!
Please tell me how old are you?
Does the boy's father take part in his upbringing?
How does the eldest son treat his younger brother?
I recommend this article to you
Psychologist Anna Chichina will comment on the questions asked after a while and try to help you.

I am 27 years old. The husband works with the boy and plays. Only rarely. Works a lot. Almost all the time I am with him or his grandmother. He treats his brother well. He says that he loves him. We only had problems in the first months. I was very jealous. But it's okay now.

Svetlana785

Hello. Tell me, how do you and your husband react to his tears? What do you tell him at this moment? While reading your posts, I read the word “whiny” several times. Is this already like a kind of label on your child? Who else besides you talks about him like that?
Your son is an emotional person - that's normal.

They tried to explain that he was already big and there was no need to cry.

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With such a statement, you unconsciously give him a ban on expressing his feelings and emotions. Crying is normal at any age. It’s just that your son doesn’t yet know how to cope with his feelings and emotions, so he cries when it’s hard for him. He can't cope yet.
He needs a little help. Apparently, he has already developed this repetitive behavior - crying when it’s hard. Tears as a way of protection, as a way to draw attention to yourself, etc.
What you and dad can do for him: change your attitude towards his tears. Stop paying attention to it. Analyze when the behavior of a “whiny” boy manifests itself most often. In a situation where he feels unsuccessful and is afraid of making a mistake, then your task is to encourage him, emotionally “strokes” him, and tell him that everything will work out. But it is very important not to do his work for him.
Be with your child at least 30 minutes a day only as his mother. Same for dad. It is important not just to be physically nearby, but to be included in his game, his problems, share his joy with him, discuss his difficulties and successes.

My husband gets very angry when his son cries over nothing. And he begins to scold him because persuasion does not work. He tells him that you are a future man, and men don’t cry. But that doesn't help. I myself am tired of saying that try to solve problems without tears.

It seems to me that tears are a defensive reaction. I just don’t know how to behave in this situation. And especially when she cries in the garden

Svetlana785

I don’t know how to behave in this situation. And especially when she cries in the garden

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Talk to him at home about the fact that all people cry and that this is normal. Don't blame me for this!
Also, talk about the fact that every person can fail at something. When we learn, we always make mistakes and that's okay too. You can also say, “Tears won’t help matters!”

My husband gets very angry when his son cries over nothing. And he begins to scold him because persuasion does not work. He tells him that you are a future man, and men don’t cry.

Click to expand...

There are a lot of prejudices in this that program the child for failure. He is not a man yet, but a child who is developing and his nervous system is still unstable. Children of this age are hurt, offended, angry, etc. by many things. And there are almost always tears.
Dad needs to change his attitude towards this. As soon as you, as a parent, stop paying so much attention to this topic and elevating it to the rank of a problem, the situation will change quite quickly for the child. This is a pattern.
You have chosen the wrong strategy. You are trying to explain to him that the feelings he is experiencing are abnormal, but this is not so.
When he cries, try to tell him his feelings: resentment, fatigue, anger, joy. Try to guess his feelings and it will become easier for you to understand your son.

A child shedding tears is not uncommon. Children, if not everything, then take a lot to heart - and this is quite normal. How to find out why a baby becomes whiny and how to more accurately answer the question: whiny child - what to do?

Children's emotionality, tearfulness, emotionality and excitability in children are much higher than in adults, and this is a variant of the norm due to the natural instability of the child's psyche. Children express their emotions with tears, which they cannot restrain or express in words. This globally explains the phenomenon of “tearfulness.”

The very first recommendation would be a calm attitude towards children’s tears, because the younger the baby, the more often the tears appear, since the child simply cannot show negative emotions in any other way. If, in your opinion, tearfulness exceeds all boundaries, it makes sense to start looking for and analyzing reasons that are clearly not in the singular. Depending on the reason, further actions of the parents are based.

When a child’s nervous system is weak, there is increased sensitivity, vulnerability and, as a result, tearfulness. Even sad cartoon moments can unbalance such children and bring them to tears. A big mistake for parents would be to openly fight tears by making fun of them or strictly “stop crying!” This will add to the child’s lack of self-confidence. Here you need to use the baby’s natural ability to quickly switch from bad to good, i.e. a good result will give attention to something pleasant that is not related to the tearful situation.

If tearfulness occurs unexpectedly, then it may be due to some kind of chronic stress. Stress can become a child before kindergarten/school, it can be a crisis of a certain childhood, another child offending yours, i.e. anything that causes prolonged internal tension. Parental observations, conversations with the child, and exclusion of stress factors will help here.

There are times when tears, sometimes turning into hysterics, are a reaction to parental restrictions and prohibitions. If parents cannot stand the slightest crying and are ready to do everything to keep the baby silent, the child understands this very, very quickly! Here the question is parental tolerance, which must be combined with the ability to comment and clearly explain prohibitions.

More serious causes of tearfulness

Depression or experience of violence. If tearfulness is accompanied by excessive tension, nervous tics, nightmares at night, decreased interest in favorite activities, hobbies and life in general, as well as other alarming symptoms, then you should not try to figure everything out on your own - you should definitely visit a child psychologist.

Watch your children - very often the answer to the question “What to do if the child is whiny?” lies on the surface, you just have to look closely.

How should parents behave if their child is hysterical?

Excessive tearfulness is an emotional state, a sign of mental or physical weakening. If parents periodically observe this condition in their child, they should consult a doctor. The doctor will refer you for examination and, based on the results, prescribe treatment.

Causes of increased tearfulness

In fact, there are many reasons for increased tearfulness. List of the most common reasons:

1. Newborns cry because they are hungry, want to be held by their mother, because they want to sleep or because they feel discomfort.
2. In the 2nd month of life, the baby cries before going to bed - this is a kind of emotional release that has accumulated during the day. Over time this will pass.

In addition, the causes of excessive tearfulness may be depression or experience of violence. Monitor your child and contact your doctor if he or she exhibits the following signs:

• lost interest in life
• having nightmares
• became tense, nervous tics and other alarming signs appeared

First of all, identify the cause of this condition. Take a closer look at your child's behavior in different situations. If he becomes capricious as soon as you forbid something, he is thereby trying to manipulate you in order to get his way no matter what. This behavior should not be encouraged, otherwise it will be much more difficult to cope with it in the future. If tearfulness does not go away over time, you should consult a doctor.

Treatment of tearfulness in children

Your child will completely get rid of tearfulness when the environment around him changes. You will have to give up a number of things and put away some toys. Parents should be patient, because this process will take more than one or two days. This will take a huge amount of time, but the main thing here is the result.

Bright details in the nursery

An excellent impetus for a change in mood will be the appearance of bright colors in your child’s life. Start by renovating your child’s room and create a new world for him that is full of positive emotions.

Remove the TV from the children's room, because it has a negative impact on the child, especially if he watches it at night.

Periodically visit amusement parks, museums and theaters with your child, thereby giving your child the opportunity to relax.

Together with your child, do exercises in the morning and play sports. Children love to be proud of their parents.

It is also necessary to include as many fruits and vegetables in the diet as possible, and exclude those foods that are not beneficial or harmful.

Treatment of depression

This condition should be treated by a specialist: namely, a pediatrician or a psychiatrist. Only one of them, having correctly assessed the situation, can prescribe drug therapy.

Typically, antidepressants are used to treat this condition:

They have a calming effect on the body. Medications combat obsessive thoughts and panic attacks. These drugs cause virtually no side effects.

Depression in children of different age groups is also treated with cognitive behavioral therapy. It combines a change in thinking and correction of behavior. This therapy helps the child fight psychological problems and negative emotions, as a result of which the child adapts more easily to society.

Among the tasks of individual psychotherapy is preparing a school-age child to correctly express his emotions, talk about fears, traumas, and overcome such difficulties.

If quarrels or problems with mutual understanding arise very often in the family, or parents cannot find a common language with their child, only psychotherapy will help with this.

Parental misbehavior

The main mistake of mothers and fathers is that parents try to overcome the child’s excessive tearfulness, demanding that they stop crying, and sometimes ridiculing this state of the child, especially for boys. It is this upbringing that results in the child subsequently becoming unsure of himself and not perceiving himself.

In the future, the child’s psyche will become stronger, self-control will develop, and this condition will occur less and less. But it is very useful when communicating with him to emphasize the best aspects of life, gradually moving away from bad thoughts, not allowing him to stay with them for a long time.

If this condition appears suddenly in a child, then look for the cause in the presence of chronic stress. Getting used to kindergarten or school, quarrels in the family, divorce of parents, problems with other children - all this weakens the child’s psyche, making him emotional.

It is important to catch the exact cause of the child’s excessive tearfulness and deal with it together, and not just fight with tears.

It is worth remembering that this condition often occurs during age-related crises (one year, three years and seven years). Typically, it will go away on its own over time.

What to do if tears are a way of manipulation?

Sometimes excessive tearfulness is not an expression of weakness, fatigue, etc., but only a form of child behavior that turns out to be effective. Observe your child when exactly he starts crying. If tearfulness occurs in a situation where parents prohibit or restrict something, and it gradually turns into hysteria, think about why this method of influence has become an effective method for him to get from moms and dads.

The child does not consciously manipulate tears, but if experience tells him that much can be achieved with their help, then often this method becomes a “weapon.”

It is important to remember about more serious reasons that can lead to such a condition - depression and experienced violence. If you see that your child has suddenly become excessively tearful, has lost the meaning of life, has stopped engaging in hobbies, has stopped communicating with children and loved ones, has nervous tics and nightmares, consult a doctor immediately. Only a doctor can make a diagnosis and prescribe appropriate treatment.

Tearfulness in children 9 years old

My daughter was a calm, non-irritable child until she was 6.5 years old.

After we started studying at school, a problem appeared - almost like tears on wheels! He cries and says: “I don’t want to cry, the tears are flowing.”

It also happens at school if something is not understood. or forgets something at home. or someone will say something wrong.

The teacher says that this is due to too much stress on the body, which is unprepared due to age.

But we need to do something about this?! And what?

Please advise. Maybe someone has had this? And did you manage?

I feel sorry for the girl. the psyche is so fragile. and everything is fine in the family, and we love her and don’t particularly scold her. but something clearly needs to change.

son's tearfulness (9 years old)

Consulting: Elena Yakimenko

In addition, he really wants to be the center of attention; everyone around him in the class achieves success, some in dancing, some in chess, some in wrestling. My son goes to different sections, but he is not the best in any direction, which upsets him, he considers himself a failure.

Tell me what to do to increase his self-esteem, and how to teach him to hold back his tears?

Minsk (Belarus)

Minsk (Belarus)

How can I contact you.

I will ask you a few questions to better clarify the situation for myself.

Tearfulness - causes and treatment

Tearfulness

Tears are a common reaction to some sad event; increased tearfulness is a symptom of mental or physical exhaustion. In the differential diagnosis, it is necessary to exclude diseases of the brain (for example, multiple sclerosis, bulbar palsy, cerebral atherosclerosis). In any case, a neurological examination is necessary. As a rule, in this case, along with drug therapy, psychotherapy is prescribed.

Treatment of tearfulness

To get rid of increased tearfulness, you need to radically change your lifestyle. Of course, this will take a lot of time. Start small - bring more positivity into your life. Surround yourself with bright colors: decorate the window with colored curtains, hang beautiful paintings on the wall, buy brighter clothes. Stop watching the news at night. For the most part, they only carry negativity, upsetting and escalating the situation even more. Watch only good films. Don't forget about rest. Be sure to please yourself with sweets, give yourself gifts, and at least occasionally allow yourself what you want for your soul and body. If you love skating, love going to the theater, or enjoy dancing, then you have the opportunity to get rid of overwhelming emotions and forget about troubles. A hobby brings color to life and distracts from the daily routine. Take care of your health. Let proper nutrition, daily exercise and healthy sleep become habitual for you. Within a month or two you will see significant changes. It’s not for nothing that they say: “A healthy mind in a healthy body.”

Tearfulness in children

Children's excitability, tearfulness and emotionality are much higher than the same qualities in adults. And this is normal, since the child’s psyche is still unstable. If you notice that a child cries too often and a lot (at least compared to his peers), then there may be several reasons. First of all, we can talk about the temperament or individual characteristics of the child’s nervous system. People with a weak nervous system and in adulthood are characterized by increased sensitivity, vulnerability and a tendency to melancholy. A common mistake parents make is that they try to overcome the tearfulness of such a melancholic child, urging him not to cry and even sometimes ridiculing his tears, especially if we are talking about a boy. In fact, such upbringing results in the child’s lack of self-confidence and self-acceptance being added to the natural tearfulness.

Over time, the child’s psyche strengthens, self-control develops, and he will cry less and less. However, when communicating with a child, it is useful to consciously focus his attention on the good aspects of life, gently switch him from the negative, without allowing him to “get hung up” on the bad for a long time. If a child’s tearfulness manifests itself unexpectedly, then the cause should first of all be sought in the presence of some kind of chronic stress. Adaptation to kindergarten or school, parental divorce or conflicts in the family, problems in relationships with peers - all these factors weaken the child’s nervous system, making him excitable. Often a child becomes whiny during age crises (one year, three and seven years). Once the crisis period is overcome, such tearfulness usually goes away on its own.

Questions and answers on the topic “Tearfulness”

Question: Lately I've started to notice that I've turned into a real crybaby. For example, I can perfectly understand that a broken knee or a minor squabble with someone I know is not worth worrying too much about, but for some reason I still start crying. That is, I understand that it’s not worth it, that all these are trifles and that similar incidents have happened to me dozens of times already, but I still continue to cry. Why is this happening to me? Maybe it's because I'm too impressionable and emotional? Or do I have weak nerves? How to deal with this? Maybe I should take an anxiety test?

Question: Good afternoon. There is no more strength left. I constantly feel tired, and not just tired, but exhausted to the limit. From morning until evening. I feel sick all the time, I have no appetite, I try to cook something tasty, but there is no pleasure from eating (My head is spinning and I feel like crying all the time from helplessness, but I don’t even have the strength to cry.

Question: My father had a second stroke, now after resuscitation he is already in the ward, when we visit, he cries very often, this didn’t happen before after 1 stroke, will it go away?

Question: Hello, I am interested in the following question. Lately, I constantly want to cry over trifles: I see a commercial with small children, animals, in which there is nothing sad at all. I could cry over this film from beginning to end. It started not so long ago, a few months ago. I have never been mentally unstable; there are no serious problems or stress in my life.

Question: The child is 10 years old. Since childhood I was whiny, they thought he would outgrow it, but with age it got worse. Cries both from pain and resentment. We live with our grandmother, she takes full care of him, fussing with him like a little one, he is also very slow, we argue about this, but she does not want to understand us. He has no friends at school, he only communicates with girls. I convince him that this is not possible, everyone laughs, but in my opinion he is not particularly ashamed of his tearfulness. He doesn’t want to go anywhere, only computers are on his mind.

Increased tearfulness and moodiness in children

Of course, all children are capricious from time to time - some more often, some less often. But sometimes parents notice that the child has become too capricious and whiny, and without any clearly defined reason. Increased moodiness in a child causes a lot of trouble and takes a lot of energy from adults. Why did the child become whiny and how to properly raise a capricious child so that the stigma of a “crybaby” is not stuck to him?

Reasons why a child became very capricious and whiny

The tearfulness of children is one of the most powerful irritants for parents. At the same time, the tears and cries of a baby can evoke a variety of emotions in adults, from the desire to help to despair and rage.

It’s worth mentioning right away that children’s excitability is several times stronger than that of an adult. This is a completely normal phenomenon, since the baby’s psyche has not yet had time to fully form. An occasion that is trivial for an adult can turn into a real tragedy for a child. The baby reacts with tears to all those moments that are associated in his mind with negativity. Crying for him is an expression of emotions that he does not yet know how to restrain. However, parents can be sure that the child is able to very quickly switch from bad to good and forget that he was upset about something just a minute ago.

Parents need to treat their offspring's tears as calmly as possible. The younger the child, the more often he will express his problems through tears. If the child is very capricious and whiny, tears appear in the eyes too often, then there may be several reasons for this.

First of all, the reasons for children's tearfulness are related to temperament or individual personality characteristics. The fact is that by nature every person has a weak or strong nervous system. If a person has weak nerves, then even in adulthood he will differ from others by increased sensitivity, a tendency to melancholic manifestations, etc. In children this can be more pronounced - from the first days they have increased excitability, sleep poorly and cry very often .

But sometimes it happens that a child suddenly becomes capricious - why does this happen? This may be due to some kind of stress, for example, conflicts in kindergarten or school, parental divorce, or family quarrels. All this can significantly weaken the child’s psyche and make the baby more excitable. Quite often, a child becomes capricious due to crises associated with the characteristics of age-related personality development - for example, at the age of one, three and seven years. You can ignore such tears; over time, this tearfulness will disappear by itself.

Another reason why a child is very capricious is internal tension, which becomes a behavioral form of the child, which turns out to be quite effective so that he can attract attention to himself at any time. Parents need to monitor their baby and find out in what situations he begins to get upset and whine. If tears appear when parents forbid something to their child or limit him in something, and crying often develops into hysterics, then you should think about why such behavior has become the norm for him.

However, it should be remembered that the reasons why a child became whiny can be quite serious. For example, if a child becomes depressed or has experienced violence. If parents notice that the child has suddenly become whiny, capricious and tense, he has lost interest in life and in the things that previously fascinated him, or that he is beginning to experience nightmares, nervous tics or other serious symptoms, then in this case Parents need to go with their child to a psychologist. A specialist will help identify the reason why children become capricious and give recommendations for treatment.

Remember, children's whims are a more serious phenomenon compared to tearfulness and even hysterics. In fact, this behavior represents the truest manifestation of the dictatorship of the weak. A baby, with the help of screams, tears, etc., can control his parents and achieve what he wants from them. Adults, seeing this behavior of their child, are ready to do anything to make him stop being capricious.

How to cope with a capricious child and wean him from crying

Parents may notice that the child reacts very sharply to sad episodes in movies and cartoons, to screams and noises, and cries if he is told a scary fairy tale. Adults often do not quite correctly perceive the tears of a child with weak nerves: they begin to make fun of him, urge him to stop crying, etc.

This should not be done, because self-doubt will further develop in the child, and tearfulness will not disappear. Over time, the child’s psyche will become stronger, the child’s increased tearfulness will decrease, he will be able to control himself, and there will be fewer and fewer tears. In this case, it is useful for parents to consciously focus his attention on the positive aspects of life, trying to switch him from negativity to something positive.

Parents are often afraid of capriciousness in children, so they begin to suppress the child from the very beginning and do not allow his independence to develop. It is worth saying that the development of a child’s psyche cannot take place without the emergence of various kinds of conflict situations. Often, such whims arise when a child is prohibited from doing something, and with the help of indignation and disagreement he tries to defend his independence.

In addition, hysteria is a great way to attract the attention of adults. It happens that the mother goes about her business all the time, not paying attention to the child, and the father is constantly at work. Due to this state of affairs, the baby has to act somehow. He chooses the simplest path and throws a tantrum just to get a certain amount of parental attention.

How to deal with a capricious child and prevent him from turning into a crybaby? If the child is treated correctly, then the tantrum itself is not dangerous. Parents simply need to prepare for such behavior from their child. First of all, you will have to spend a lot of time and effort to teach your child to resolve conflicts and disputes without tears; in addition, thanks to this approach, the child will be able to painlessly overcome one of the most important transition periods in the development of his personality. However, it should be remembered that he also needs to set a personal example.

There are several basic methods for weaning a child from tearfulness and coping with children’s whims. Hysteria is much easier to prevent than to deal with its consequences later. If mom or dad feel that the child is about to burst into tears, then you need to switch his attention from the danger zone to a positive or at least neutral one. You should not shout at him; you should speak in a friendly tone, while parents need to remain calm. And, in addition, you should constantly give the child enough attention.

How to deal with a capricious child and re-educate a crybaby

If you don’t know how to behave with a capricious child, use the following recommendations from psychologists. If it was still not possible to avoid whims, then, first of all, the child must be isolated from witnesses who can see his hysteria. The fact is that very often children work for the public. The baby needs to be taken out of the room where the other adults have gathered. You can only let him back in if he has calmed down. This action often helps to achieve the most positive results in the shortest time.

When a baby begins to act up in a crowded place, for example in a store, you must firmly ignore any manifestations of hysteria. The child should be told that the conversation with him will take place only after he calms down.

However, before using such methods, you need to make sure that the baby’s psyche is developing in a normal way. Such methods will not work on a child with a weak nervous system; they can only worsen his condition.

You need to re-educate a capricious child as quickly as possible. Parents should demonstrate their disapproval of their child's behavior in every possible way. For example, after another tantrum, a mother may say before going to the store that she was very upset by his behavior the last time. For this reason, she now takes the child with her, hoping that he made the right conclusions after that incident. It must be remembered that all the demands the baby makes during a tantrum must be ignored. Otherwise, such phenomena will happen more and more often.

The child should learn to manage and recognize his emotions. During his whims, you can ask him leading questions so that he can understand the reason for the tears. Parents should offer him alternative ways to express his emotions. For example, a baby may start tearing an old newspaper or jumping on one leg if he is very angry about something. He should explain that adults also experience similar emotions, but find the strength not to express them so clearly.

Parents must be consistent always and everywhere, especially if the child is near them. You need to behave very calmly in public, especially at home. Children perfectly feel those moments when their whims will have the greatest impact on their parents. Once they understand in which situation mom or dad are least firm, all their efforts will be directed precisely to that place.

An important point in how to raise a capricious child is approval of calm behavior. When a child has managed to cope with his anger or some stressful situation, he needs to be praised and encouraged. In the future, this method should be resorted to if the baby tries to throw a tantrum again. The baby needs to be hugged, kissed and praised as often as possible. It is parents who have the primary influence on the self-esteem and sense of self of children.

To avoid hysterics, you need to develop the baby’s will from early childhood. At the same time, will is not the ability to insist on one’s own at any cost, but the ability to cope with emerging difficulties. Children need to be taught to dress themselves, make the bed, wipe the dust, put away toys, etc. In order to prevent hysterics, it is very convenient to apply the rule of the third bell, i.e. parents begin to talk about the end of something in advance. In addition, the child should be given the opportunity to understand the feelings of other people. The sooner he starts doing this, the easier he will be able to fit into the society around him.

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Tearfulness

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And so it seems he went early, spoke early.

7. but then everything seemed to settle down. She always worries, if something doesn’t work out, she immediately bursts into tears.

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2. The birth went very quickly, 4 hours passed from contractions to the birth of the baby. Without any pathologies.

3. The child was given an average score, but it seemed like they just gave a rapid birth and that’s all.

4. The child was very whiny, he could cry until he got a sinus infection, he could barely pump it out, and his body went limp.

At first he was afraid, and only talked with girls, but the teacher praised him, he has a problem - complaining to everyone, so the guys called him a snitch,

I won't succeed, I'm stupid. etc.

He said that the boy was emotional and vulnerable. He wrote that we have chronic vegetative-vascular dystonia and everything seems normal, drinking glycine is enough.

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It’s generally not worth yelling at children, and even more so at people like your son. And the fact that you encourage him with gifts is also not entirely correct. That is why he is constantly begging for new purchases. Try at least now, before it’s too late, and the child has not yet fully formed a consumer, to encourage him not with gifts, but with interesting trips somewhere: to a children’s theater, to a park, to the cinema, museums, to exhibitions. In general, wherever possible.

Regarding the treatment of enuresis. You, of course, can do nothing of what I suggested. Your right. But in the hospital 10 suns were not due to “nervous reasons”, here you are deeply mistaken. But because treatment of urinary incontinence is not one diary, but a system - a conversation with the child, diet, auto-training of the child, his encouragement, motivation from adults. However, I wrote about this in detail. And, of course, it takes a long time to wait for results in such advanced cases as yours.

Thank you very much for your advice, I will listen and definitely take action.

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And please tell me some classes or tasks to increase self-esteem, if such exist, of course. A year ago I enrolled him in the aikido sports section, he likes it, he even succeeds, but he can’t and doesn’t want to use these techniques when his peers attack him, is all this really in vain, in vain?!

3. Which ones do you scold?

And tell me how to communicate with him so that he hears me and doesn’t whine, how to find the key, tactics for him?

And by the way, it’s very difficult to get him to eat fish, chicken and meat - he cries from all this, I don’t understand, I have to persuade him, although at the age of 8 he’s already

Children's tearfulness. Causes and solutions

Reasons for tears

Children's excitability, tearfulness and emotionality are much higher than the same qualities in adults. And this is normal, since the child’s psyche is still unstable. An insignificant reason for us can become a real tragedy for a child. A child reacts to all the negative moments in his life with the help of tears; tears for him are only an expression of emotions that he has not yet learned to restrain. But children also unexpectedly and quickly have the ability to switch from bad to good, forgetting about tears.

Star stories. Difficult child

Therefore, the first thing that should be advised to parents is to be calmer about children’s tears. The younger the child, the more often he expresses his negative emotions through tears.

If you notice that a child cries too often and a lot (at least compared to his peers), then there may be several reasons.

First of all, we can talk about the temperament or individual characteristics of the child’s nervous system. Each of us is naturally given a weak or strong nervous system. People with a weak nervous system and in adulthood are characterized by increased sensitivity, vulnerability and a tendency to melancholy.

In children, these features are more pronounced - from the first days of life, the child was characterized by increased excitability, sleeps poorly and often cries. In addition, you may notice that the child reacts painfully to sad episodes in cartoons, scary fairy tales, and does not tolerate screaming and noise well.

Parents' mistakes

A common mistake parents make is that they try to overcome the tearfulness of such a melancholic child, urging him not to cry and even sometimes ridiculing his tears, especially if we are talking about a boy. In fact, such upbringing results in the child’s lack of self-confidence and self-acceptance being added to the natural tearfulness.

Over time, the child’s psyche strengthens, self-control develops, and he will cry less and less. However, when communicating with a child, it is useful to consciously focus his attention on the good aspects of life, gently switch him from the negative, without allowing him to “get hung up” on the bad for a long time.

If a child’s tearfulness manifests itself unexpectedly, then the cause should first of all be sought in the presence of some kind of chronic stress. Adaptation to kindergarten or school, parental divorce or conflicts in the family, problems in relationships with peers - all these factors weaken the child’s nervous system, making him excitable.

Therefore, it is important to see the true cause of the child’s internal tension and overcome it, and not fight with tears as a consequence. Often a child becomes whiny during age crises (one year, three and seven years). Once the crisis period is overcome, such tearfulness usually goes away on its own.

How to react?

Sometimes children's tears are not an expression of internal tension or weakness, but only a way of behavior that has proven effective. Observe in what situations the child begins to cry. If tears always appear only in a situation of some kind of parental prohibition and restriction (but, for example, a sad cartoon does not make a child cry), and crying often turns into hysterics, it is worth thinking about why this method of influence has become an effective way for the child get your way from your parents.

A small child does not consciously manipulate tears, but if his experience shows that tears can always achieve the cancellation of demands and the fulfillment of desires, this method often becomes his “weapon.”

Separately, it is worth mentioning the more serious causes of children's tearfulness. For example, we are talking about childhood depression or experiences of violence. If you notice that your child has suddenly become very whiny, tense, his interest in life has decreased and he has stopped engaging in hobbies, communication with family and friends has decreased, nervous tics, nightmares and other serious symptoms have appeared, it makes sense to contact a child psychologist for help. detailed diagnosis of the child’s emotional state.

Love your children and try to understand the cause, not to eradicate the consequences.

Tearfulness in a child

Asks: Natalya:04:04)

The child is 10 years old. He has been whiny since childhood, they thought he would outgrow it, but with age it gets worse. He cries from pain and resentment. We live with his grandmother, she takes care of him completely, fussing with him like a little one, he is also very slow, we argue about this, but she doesn’t want to understand us. There are no friends at school, he only communicates mostly with girls. I convince him that this is impossible, everyone laughs, but in my opinion he is not particularly ashamed of his tearfulness. He doesn’t want to go anywhere, only computers on mind.

Timonina Natalya Pavlovna

A child’s slowness may be a consequence of his physiological characteristics. By scolding him, you will not change his nature in any way, but you will contribute to the formation of low self-esteem and self-doubt, which apparently has already happened. By continuing to take care of him like a baby, you do not give him a chance to grow up and learn to cope with the situations he finds himself in in life on his own, this causes his reluctance to go anywhere, and the need for communication is realized with the help of a computer. His tearfulness and touchiness are a sure signal that you need to change your position towards the child. I think that both your son and you need in-person help from a psychologist.

Sincerely, psychologist N. Timonina

Hello, Natalya. A playful child is usually one who is deprived of childhood. Childhood is not valued in the eyes of adults, but in the first place is rigor, adherence to rules, criticism and education. At the same time, the child is forced to live not his own life, but yours, a progmatic one, which always ahead of him, his child’s life. This means that you are forcing him to give up his desires, intentions, skills, inclinations. His willpower and self-confidence are destroyed. He becomes an amorphous, obedient body, separated from childhood development. You are such a child have already been formed. He has lost himself, but has acquired your orders, judgments and rules. By which he must live. Such a child does not and cannot have joy in life. Now everything that he is deprived of will have to be created again. But, are you ready for this what to do is another question. After all, you will deviate from your rules by which your son is obliged to live.

Natalya, if a child cries, it means something is wrong in his life, most likely he feels unhappy. In addition to this, you name a few more signs of his emotional distress: no friends at school, doesn’t want to go anywhere, his only hobby is computer.

It seems to me that if you really want to change this situation, then it makes sense to contact a psychologist (you can go to the school psychologist, you can see me), but at the same time be ready to reconsider your approaches to the perception of your child, communication with him, and upbringing.

Sincerely, family psychotherapist Rumiya Kalinina

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Tearfulness

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Indeed, the fact that the son started talking about the desire to die is an alarming symptom.

I don’t really understand doctors who say that enuresis is caused by an emotional background. If they mean neurotic enuresis, then it MUST BE TREATED! Treat with a psychologist.

1. What kind of pregnancy did you have: with or without pathologies? Have you been sick with anything or not? Was there a threat of miscarriage? Were they stored and so on - all the details!

2. What kind of birth did you have: what week? Sami or cesarean? Is the birth normal or quick (how many hours did you labor)? Was there any pathology during childbirth - entanglement of the umbilical cord of the fetus, hypoxia, etc.?

3. The child was born: what Apgar score was given to him? Have you made any neurological diagnoses? Have you been registered with a neurologist and if so, with what diagnoses?

4. How did the child develop up to the age of one year: according to the norm, ahead of development, behind? What kind of child was he: excitable, overly apathetic, sleepy, or within the normal range?

5. Were there any developmental features from 1 year to 8 years?

6. What chronic diseases does the child have?

7. How does the child cope with school?

8. When was the last time you saw a neurologist and what did he write in the conclusion?

9. When did the child start enuresis? Is enuresis daytime or nighttime?

10. How was enuresis treated in the hospital? Is the child currently taking any medications?

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1. I was pregnant at 18 years old, without any symptoms, I didn’t even realize that I was pregnant, no problems.

2. The birth went very quickly, 4 hours passed from contractions to the birth of the baby. Without any pathologies.

3. The child was given an average score, but it seemed like they just gave a rapid birth and that’s all.

5. Only enuresis and frequent otitis media, otherwise he is a shy boy in front of strangers, but in front of us he can be rude.

6. He has grade 2 adenoiditis, enuresis, and that’s all.

9. Enuresis probably sounded the alarm at the age of 5, nocturnal.

10. Treated with bosal therapy, all tests and examinations were good. They gave me Picamilon in the hospital and now I need 1 month. drink at home. That's all.

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Let me comment a little on your answers so that you have more complete information about your child’s health and problems.

2. The birth went very quickly, 4 hours passed from contractions to the birth of the baby. Without any pathologies.

Childbirth in four hours is a pathology, which is called either fast or rapid birth.

3. The child was given an average score, but it seemed like they just gave a rapid birth and that’s all.

There is no “average” score. The Apgar scale gives two points. One - immediately after the birth of the child, the second - after five minutes of his life. These points are an assessment of the child’s condition: skin color, heartbeat, breathing, reflexes. Based on these indicators, doctors can later judge whether labor activity became the cause of some pathologies at an older age. Apgar scores are usually written on the birth record, and it is pasted into the child’s record, which is filed at the clinic.

4. The child was very whiny, he could cry until he got a sinus infection, he could barely pump it out, and his body went limp.

Most likely, these are the consequences of rapid labor.

At first he was afraid, and only talked with girls, but the teacher praised him, he has a problem - complaining to everyone, so the guys called him a snitch,

The child has also developed incorrect behavior in the team, since the children gave such an offensive nickname. We need to understand why this happened. As you understand, this does not make my son happy.

I won't succeed, I'm stupid. etc.

Most likely, this indicates the son’s low self-esteem.

He said that the boy was emotional and vulnerable. He wrote that we have chronic vegetative-vascular dystonia and everything seems normal, drinking glycine is enough.

Why didn’t the neurologist write that the child’s diagnosis was primary enuresis?

What is your family like and how are you raising your son? Who else takes part in education? How often do you take care of your child? Do you do homework with him? Do you play? What are you playing? Do you go somewhere? How do you reward and how do you punish?

1. Find time and a) calmly b) talk kindly with your son. Tell them that even though adults sometimes pee in bed, everyone wants to get rid of it. And they get rid of it. And he can! And you will help him.

2. Say that the first thing you need to do is start a diary, like in school. And every morning you will together mark with some symbol what kind of night it was (it is advisable that the child himself comes up with the symbol), as the simplest option - a “dry” night is the sun, a “wet” night is a cloud.

3. It is very important for home therapy to additionally motivate the child with rewards. Buy a bunch of small and inexpensive souvenirs that are dear to the boy’s heart: stickers, small cars, small bouncing balls, etc. Tell him that for every dry night he will receive a prize. It is clear that the child is unlikely to be successful right away, so reward him “for diligence” once every three to five days.

4. Before establishing more or less stable dry nights, it is imperative to adhere to a certain diet: reducing fluid intake before bed (replacing it with fruit) and increasing its consumption during the day.

5. Tell your son that he must come up with a few magic words and say them out loud in bed every day before going to bed. For example, this could be the phrase “I will wake up dry in the morning”!

6. I don’t know what time your son goes to bed and you go to bed, but around 12.00 at night he needs to be woken up (and until he is completely awake, and not to a sleepy state!) and taken to the toilet.

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Our family is single-parent, I am a grandparent, and we don’t communicate with my dad. Now I’m working, the child is on vacation with his parents, his grandmother certainly spoiled him, our grandfather is strict, but my son doesn’t listen to anyone, and if he yells, he’ll cry.

I did the homework, then my grandfather, it’s very difficult with him, he’s in a hurry to do everything faster and move on to cartoons, but he can’t, so there are a lot of mistakes and dirt, even though it’s in a draft. We play sea battle with him - he likes it, read books, put together puzzles, and play badminton. And we don’t really go anywhere, it’s rare to go to the park, on a bike, his grandfather took him to the wax museum, well, now he’s such an age that he’s only interested in cartoons, and PSP, which I don’t want to buy. In general, my mother always demands that you buy me this, several times every 1 hour, as if he doesn’t hear my answer, and I answer, for example, yes Alyosha, we’ll buy money, but not PSP, but a big bike. We punish him by depriving him of the TV and sending him to his room. But it doesn’t bother him much, he sulks, time passes, he forgets what happened, he sneaks up and sucks up and that’s it. Incentives, of course, are goodies, gifts, surprises.

And regarding enuresis, we drew such diaries for a long time, there were only clouds, but in the hospital, against a nervous background, there were 10 days of sunshine. And every day I tell him, son, you’re smart, you won’t wet yourself, you’ll wake up dry, yes, yes, if I don’t fall asleep soundly. and that's it..

My son goes to bed strictly at 21.00, because it’s early for school, now maybe at 22.00, no later, we tried to get him up twice, he managed to put even more weight on him.

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It’s generally not worth yelling at children, and even more so at people like your son. And the fact that you encourage him with gifts is also not entirely correct. That is why he is constantly begging for new purchases. Try at least now, before it’s too late, and the child has not yet fully formed a consumer, to encourage him not with gifts, but with interesting trips somewhere: to a children’s theater, to a park, to the cinema, museums, to exhibitions. In general, wherever possible.

Regarding the treatment of enuresis. You, of course, can do nothing of what I suggested. Your right. But in the hospital 10 suns were not due to “nervous reasons”, here you are deeply mistaken. But because treatment of urinary incontinence is not one diary, but a system - a conversation with the child, diet, auto-training of the child, his encouragement, motivation from adults. However, I wrote about this in detail. And, of course, it takes a long time to wait for results in such advanced cases as yours.

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It’s generally not worth yelling at children, and even more so at people like your son. And the fact that you encourage him with gifts is also not entirely correct. That is why he is constantly begging for new purchases. Try at least now, before it’s too late, and the child has not yet fully formed a consumer, to encourage him not with gifts, but with interesting trips somewhere: to a children’s theater, to a park, to the cinema, museums, to exhibitions. In general, wherever possible.

Regarding the treatment of enuresis. You, of course, can do nothing of what I suggested. Your right. But in the hospital 10 suns were not due to “nervous reasons”, here you are deeply mistaken. But because treatment of urinary incontinence is not one diary, but a system - a conversation with the child, diet, auto-training of the child, his encouragement, motivation from adults. However, I wrote about this in detail. And, of course, it takes a long time to wait for results in such advanced cases as yours.

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If you could take up the problem of enuresis in your son, it would be very correct. After all, the boy suffers from this.

And please tell me some classes or tasks to increase self-esteem, if such exist, of course. A year ago I enrolled him in the aikido sports section, he likes it, he even succeeds, but he can’t and doesn’t want to use these techniques when his peers attack him, is all this really in vain, in vain?!

You see, if we talk about the aikido section, then, of course, this is not in vain. But most likely you won’t get the result you expect. For two reasons. Here are the principles of Aikido: “It would be wrong to consider Aikido exclusively as a system of various techniques and principles.

The founder of Aikido, Morihei Ueshiba, studied several areas of traditional jujutsu, kenjutsu, as well as the art of calligraphy. Based on the knowledge he gained, he formed his own system - Aikido, as opposed to traditional bu-jutsu (the art of killing). Aikido - Budo (the way to stop killing), teaches the same killing techniques of bu-jutsu, only not for the purpose of killing, but for the purpose of stopping them, making a person strong, helping others, uniting all people on the basis of love."

As you can see, Aikido teaches not to be aggressive at all. And your son is not aggressive anyway. Aikido will help him, rather, to find inner harmony, which is also included in the principles of Aikido.

As for exercises that increase a child’s self-esteem. Of course they are. But first of all, parents must analyze their behavior, because a child’s self-esteem is a mirror reflection of the parents’ attitude towards their son or daughter.

Please answer the following questions:

1. How do you react to your son’s tears?

2. In what situations do you praise him?

3. Which ones do you scold?

4. What are your son’s grades at school?

5. How does he do his homework at home - alone or with the help of someone?

6. What are the difficulties when doing homework?

7. Does the child have friends? How do they feel about him?

8. Do you invite children home?

9. What is your child complaining about?

10. Write the first five (more possible) adjectives that immediately come to your mind when you address your son with the words “What are you like?”? Which?

And tell me how to communicate with him so that he hears me and doesn’t whine, how to find the key, tactics for him?

Unfortunately, this question concerns pedagogy rather than psychology. And the answer to this very general question “how to choose a key for a child” can be just as general. I can only guess what problems you have with the boy, but nothing more. The problem is that you don’t hear each other. After all, you yourself write that “even though at 8 years old, he’s already a guy who should be independent.” And this means that in front of you is a PERSON with his own desires and needs, and not a newborn whom you only feed and change his diapers (although a newborn already has a need for communication, for example!) Therefore, the first question you should ask yourself is: Why is my baby whining? There can be many answers! If a child has chronic VSD, then this may also be the cause, that is, fatigue, headaches, and weather sensitivity. If your child is highly emotional, vulnerable, and this may be the reason for whining.

I don’t know how you communicate with your son, but you need to communicate with such children so that they hear you, not in a directive manner, but in a partnership, making compromises, constantly offering help, instilling confidence in the child that he can do anything, that he is smart , capable, and most importantly, loved by you, and you are always his support and protection.

And further. You must sincerely believe in a child. That is, if he said that he will remove the toys in two hours, then tell him that you believe him. And if after two hours he tells you that it’s hard for him to collect because he’s tired, don’t punish him for lying, but just help him collect. Because with the first option, the child will lie more and more sophisticatedly, and in the second, he will gradually understand that the mother is a friend, and she can be trusted with his condition. Let me note - the condition.

I understand that this probably sounds somewhat abstract to you. But I can’t tell you otherwise. I'm raising my child the same way.

And by the way, it’s very difficult to get him to eat fish, chicken and meat - he cries from all this, I don’t understand, I have to persuade him, although at the age of 8 he’s already

The fact that the boy is eight years old has nothing to do with this situation. This is still a child. What does he eat then? And did he always refuse meat, fish and poultry? Does he have any other oddities in eating behavior, for example, excessive disgust? Predilection for the same plate, cup? Do you need to put food in a specific order?