When a man is in the mood for a serious relationship. How to understand a man's intentions: is he in the mood for a serious relationship?

The editors of AiF received a letter from an upset 35-year-old Irina N. from Nizhny Novgorod: “Amazing! Men themselves persuade a woman to have sex almost on the first date, saying: “We are adults, this will end anyway,” “Let’s not think by standards,” “We are so attracted to each other, there is so little good in life, why?” deprive yourself of joy?

And then they shed after the first night! And my friend, having achieved closeness from me, now declares: “If you’re like that with me, it means you’ll go to bed with everyone, as soon as you’ve met them!” Why did he rush me into sex so much then?!”

Despite the seeming frivolity of the issue for many couples, it nevertheless became a stumbling block.

- A whole chapter in my book is devoted to the contradictory nature of men’s desires! - says "AiF" psychologist Anetta Orlova. - Most representatives of the stronger sex believe: they have a clear image in their heads of the ideal woman they are looking for. But in fact, these are... two images! Ideal one: the virtuous keeper of the hearth, caring mother, woman with mass moral values who takes care of herself. When a man meets one like this, it would seem that he should quickly marry her! But ah! He quickly becomes bored with such a lady. Because, it turns out, in male head Another ideal woman “dwells”! This is the priestess of love, bright and sexy. Who is devoid of complexes, is in harmony with her body, is ready to give love and is open to sexual pleasures and experiments.

Deep down in his soul, a man dreams of meeting someone who will combine both holiness and depravity. Remember the saying: “ Ideal woman: in bed - a prostitute, in the kitchen - a housewife, in society - a lady.” And we, knowing these conflicting desires of a man, need to learn how to competently maneuver between them. On the one hand, don't give up too quickly. On the other hand, don’t overdo it, don’t overexpose the man. Because sex is still not an end in itself, not a prize, but one of many ways of interaction between adult men and women.

Pay... with yourself?

So, what should ladies do when members of the stronger sex behave with them the way reader Irina described?!

When a man first meets attractive woman, his natural mechanism immediately kicks in: get into contact with her as quickly as possible, master her, get to know her completely. During this period, he absolutely sincerely believes: physical intimacy is exactly what he needs now! He does not think about “abandoning” the woman and “accusing her of debauchery.”

But, if almost at the second meeting he satisfies the deep need for rapprochement, he has doubts: “Somehow everything happened too quickly...” And he even experiences some disappointment: civilization is civilization, but no one has canceled the hunter’s instinct.. .

Today, the so-called “morning syndrome” is widespread: two practically strangers wake up in bed after a stormy night and, looking at each other, experience not yesterday’s passion, but... a certain awkwardness. Expressed in the language of numbers, on a 10-point scale, their physical intimacy has already reached 10, and emotional intimacy - only 2-3 points. In such cases, it is difficult for a man to cope with embarrassment and he wants to run away. Therefore, after sex, a woman does not need to call first, much less accuse him of “getting his way and disappearing.” By doing this, you will not only not help the matter, but will also further aggravate men’s doubts about continuing the relationship with you. Remember: if he takes a break, your pressure may push him away even more. But, if you decide to call, communicate without any complaints or strain.

- It is advisable for a man to invest something in a woman before he receives sex,- says Anetta Orlova. - In the biological environment, everything is clear: for a young male to receive location of the female, he must bring her food. In our case, investments are not monetary investments, but emotional, temporary ones. A man should feel that he is conquering a woman.

By the way, it's a big disaster when a girl enters into sexual relations not because she wants a man, but because she is inconvenient to refuse. Many people think that if a man invites her to a restaurant, she should pay with something. This complete nonsense. And women also go for quick sex out of fear of losing a fan. Hearing “I want you! Why put it off?”, the woman wants to please the man so that he does not go to another. This is also complete stupidity - sex should be had when BOTH want it.

■ Don't take it so literally men's words“We like each other so much, why put it off.” In fact, when he offers sex, he doesn’t expect it that much at all!

- Masculinity and sexuality are closely related, according to representatives of the stronger sex, says Anetta Orlova. - A man believes that if he goes on a date with a woman, it is simply his gallant duty to demonstrate that he wants intimacy. This rule is sacred in all cultures. So the man seems to say: “I want and I can. You’re cool, I like you.” At the same time, a man, hinting at sex to a woman on the first date, does not at all think that he must get it today. He persuades him just in case it works out. No - that's okay too.

■ Use improvised and often funny methods to prolong the courtship period.

- The lightest and in addition win-win way- make sure that under no circumstances do you want to sleep with him, says the psychologist. - How? For example, wear something simple and something different (from different sets) underwear! Or trousers, and torn tights underneath... In such a situation, no self-respecting woman, even at the peak of excitement, would ever allow physical intimacy, so as not to lose face. Or, when going on a first date, you need to deliberately limit the time, they say, you have to go somewhere later. It is advisable to say something pleasant for men's ears. Not “I’m going to pull out a tooth,” but “I have belly dancing classes on Fridays.” Don’t agree to “come visit for a minute.” Answer with humor: “Listen, we are adults and we understand what it means to have tea.” I like you, but I need time to get to know you.”

And lastly: if you have not followed all these recommendations and still rushed into the abyss of passion, then please relax! There is no need to say in the middle of the process: “I’m not like that.” Have fun. Men value such women. ( See ideal #2.) Well, we will talk about sexual experiments in one of the following issues.

Instructions

For the most part, men who shower you with compliments and sing praises want to meet you once or twice, and then drag you into bed. You are just another trophy for his vast and varied collection.

When he is serious, he will not rush things; it is important for him to simply be next to you, talk, look into your eyes. And meeting friends will indicate his plans for your future together. A man in love will treat you condescendingly, forgive small offenses that, perhaps, in another situation could lead to serious quarrels.

When a man is confident in your future together, he will stop being shy and complex - he will be able to scratch his belly or hug you after a morning run. In a word, do everything that you couldn’t do in the first couple of months of your acquaintance. This is how men prepare for everyday life.

Be sure to pay attention to how your boyfriend behaves with his mother. It is possible that he follows a different line of behavior with you, but over time, as many psychologists believe, he will behave with you in the same way as he treated his mother. The mother is the one with whom your young man began communicating as a representative of the opposite sex. So you should pay attention close attention to this fact.

Acquaintance is a decisive and significant step in his life. And if in a conversation with his parents and friends he calls you his bride, then he has serious plans for you. Be sure to observe the relationship between his parents. If he approves of family ties, warm communication between father and mother, perhaps in the future he will adopt the model of relationships of his parents. If you notice that a guy already treats you like his father treats his wife, then rest assured that he is far-sighted and plans for your future.

The main thing to remember is that you should not be tempted on the first date, because men... Someone considers sex on the first date to be something obligatory, and a refusal will shock him and make him look at life differently; someone still believes in purity and sincerity romantic relationships, considering himself a conservative.

In the case when, starting to date a man, a woman considers her gentleman as a possible future husband, it is quite natural that she wants to gain confidence that her man is courting her not just to pass the time, but with the goal of building a family. How to distinguish flirting from serious intentions?

Instructions

Pay attention to how a man behaves in your presence. If he is committed to a long-term relationship, then he will try to match your ideas about cultural and well-mannered person. If, despite the fact that you are nearby, a man uses obscene words and commits actions for which you have to blush, stop meeting. Either he views you as new for a short period of time, or, on the contrary, he considers you his property and subordinate.

If, then it will forgive some minor insults and whims. If he is in the process of hunting, then all these interferences will serve as an irritating factor for him.

If you have been dating for quite some time, then

It's a shame that even when you feel good together, for men this is not always a reason to think about a future together. “To avoid disappointment, we will use the good old principle “forewarned is forearmed!”

1. “A man is in no hurry to introduce you to his friends.” It is clear that we are not talking about a period that does not allow you to simply break away from each other. But then a man who is proud of his choice cannot wait to show off in his close circle. Maybe you really are not his dream?

2. “Doesn’t introduce you to your parents.” This is alarming, but it is important to know the reason. The family is not always ready to support the choice of even a beloved son, not to mention those cases when the situation there is tense. “This is not always a manifestation of a man’s frivolity,” explains the author.

3. “When going out together, he withdraws and rarely looks at you.” You may think that he is embarrassed by your presence or is distracted by other women. The author comments on this: “Most likely, he’s just bored with you.”

4. “Drinks alcohol at every meeting.” This behavior may indicate a lack of self-confidence, but other explanations do not sound reassuring. “There is a high probability that there is a holiday man next to you. He wants to have fun and is only ready for a non-committal relationship.”

5. “Rare meetings and calls.” Don’t be naive, being busy and busy will never interfere with your desire to always know where your loved one is and what’s wrong with her. “Most likely, he is married and has many women’s names in his notebook, and he plays “harem” with you.

6. “Swears at your exes and treats other women rudely in your presence.” Quarrelsomeness and pettiness are character traits, but for your beloved you want to be the best. If he doesn't feel the need to keep it to himself, it's unlikely he cares what you think about him. “Soon he will surface in a petty quarrel,” the author adds.

7. “Constantly says that you need to change something in your appearance and criticizes your figure.” This interest is called sexual desire, but not love. “When we love, we completely accept a person without trying to change him.”

8. “Asks to borrow a certain amount of money.” By nature, a man is a leader; his woman can be looked after and weak, but in no way a tractor and assistant in solving problems. “You don’t need a gigolo, right?”

9. “A man is in no hurry to share his future with you.” This is ambiguous. His dreams and plans may be darkened not by you at all, but by other factors - past experiences, fear of circumstances and a pessimistic attitude. “It’s worth finding out more about the events of his past life.”

10. “A man is not in a hurry to help you and date you, only you call him.” It would seem that there is nothing to think about here. But in fact, we are ready to replace reality with any explanations - he is timid, is not used to being first, does not know how to express feelings. "Maturity young man manifests itself in a willingness to take responsibility for your life together.”

Psychologist Alisa Metelina herself mentions in her book that this is an optional set. “I pointed out first of all those signs that a priori will be for you.”

Sometimes it’s difficult for a girl to determine how the guy she wants to build with really feels about her. serious relationship. But there are several factors in his behavior that you should pay attention to, and the situation will become clearer.

Often representatives of both sexes attach different meanings to the concept “ serious intentions" Girls are more inclined to make long-term plans - from a wedding to growing old together, and for guys, deciding on a second date can be considered “serious intentions”. Anyway, common mistake It happens to girls that they do not believe in the desire of young people to start long term relationship. But in vain, because not all males dream of short-term relationships.

Of course, there are also guys who do not want to “bind” themselves into relationships that involve at least some kind of obligation. Fortunately, distinguishing a serious guy from a ladies' man is not so difficult if you look closely at him and listen...

Sweet music of words

Usually, when entering the first stage of dating, a guy and a girl talk a lot, and if you analyze a little the topics and flow of conversations, it’s not difficult to determine how the guy feels about his interlocutor, and whether she can hope for a serious relationship with him.

A girl can observe how attentively a young man listens to her - this way it is possible to determine whether he is really interested in her, or whether he is pretending to hear. Good sign, if he asks her questions about various aspects of her life, family, interests - then we can say that he really cares about her.

If a guy constantly talks about himself, his friends, hobbies, problems, most likely he simply sees in his interlocutor a person to whom he can vent. A man with serious intentions will not reveal all his secrets at the first meeting, so as not to scare the girl. And the guy who constantly brags, talks about his achievements, trying to show off his the best side, probably just busy with narcissism.

It’s worth listening to what a man talks about most

When it comes to declarations of love, it is not so difficult for a girl to distinguish the truth from sweet lies. To begin with, it is worth reproducing in memory the moment when this was said - if he was emotionally excited at that time or was in a very good mood under the influence of alcohol, it is likely that then he was ready to confess his love to anyone. In this case, before taking the confession on faith, you should wait until he repeats his words in a more balanced state. Important condition: you need to evaluate your chosen one with an objective, “cold” look, and not through the “rose-colored glasses” of love.

Actions are more important than words

A person’s actions say much more about him than his words, because you can say even the most incredible things, but turning them into reality is a completely different matter. Therefore, the girl should pay attention to which of his promises the guy keeps, how much truth there is in his words. If it becomes clear that he is not very honest and often throws words to the wind, most likely he does not value the relationship with the one he is deceiving.

It is known that a man who has deep feelings for his chosen one becomes generous, so it is worth paying attention to what gifts he gives. If he spares money on gifts or tries to save money on them (here you need to be sensitive to his actions, because a man can be practical and economical by nature), there is a high probability that he does not have plans with her long relationship, and since we have to break up soon, why waste money? By the way, the more expensive gifts a man gives to his chosen one, the more difficult it will be for him to let her go - after all, he has invested so much money and effort into her!

"Eyes are the mirror of the soul"

If a girl has the patience to carefully observe the eyes and direction of her admirer's gaze, there is a high probability that she will very quickly be able to understand his true intentions.

First of all, the look of a serious guy should express a clear interest in her, her personality. The look can be thoughtful, even serious. This shows that he is sincerely interested in her inner world, reflects on how much they have in common. Good sign If a guy looks a girl in the eyes, this indicates his openness.

You can tell a lot by looking

It happens that a guy lowers his eyes down and also blushes - this indicates that he is embarrassed or worried. He needs to be given time so that he can relax and feel more confident. But if, when communicating with a girl, he looks around, or even at other representatives of the fairer sex, this can only indicate that he is not too interested in his companion. In some cases, the situation can be corrected if you find a way to attract his attention, but often the saying “You can’t be nice by force” also works.

If a guy’s gaze flippantly glides over his girlfriend’s entire figure, lingering on the most “interesting” places, this is a sign that he is only thinking about how to quickly move to the next stage of the relationship – intimate.

Hurry up to bed!

Based on how the guy reacts to the girl’s request to wait with intimate relationships, you can also say a lot about how he treats her and whether he has serious intentions. If a guy thinks only about sex, hinting or directly letting the girl know that he wants to quickly move to the stage of intimacy, then most likely he is not making long-term plans for this relationship. IN best case scenario he wants to see this girl as constant mistress, at worst - getting sex “for one night”.

You should be especially wary of guys who “can’t wait” and don’t even want to hear about waiting it out. Some may even threaten to end the relationship. I would like to note that in the latter case, breaking off relations with such a “hot” man would really be the best option.

Some girls may ask: “Why wait?” Certainly, intimacy brings a lot of pleasure to both partners, so many couples agree that there is no point in postponing first sex until you get to know each other better - it’s a waste of time. But this point of view makes sense only at first glance. In reality, everything is somewhat more complicated.

Firstly, every man is a hunter. This instinct is in their blood; they like the process of pursuit, including the pursuit of the desired goal, i.e. their chosen one. A man is interested in achieving, conquering, and earning his reward, but if a woman gives up too quickly, he simply loses interest in her. And secondly, any man, without even realizing it, evaluates a girl - how accessible she is. If she “gives herself” to him on the first date, he concludes that she is frivolous, and it is simply illogical to build a relationship with her - she will cheat. But if a girl thinks before deciding to take this step, weighs everything carefully - this characterizes her as a reliable partner.

A guy's lack of sexual interest should also raise suspicions. After all, if a guy really likes a girl, then he has a desire to get closer almost at the very first meeting. Therefore, a guy’s desire to touch his companion, hug or kiss her is a good sign.

Showing you care

As a rule, a man’s expression of care indicates that his chosen one is very dear to him, so it’s worth celebrating such gestures. It's a good sign when a guy is worried about his girlfriend's health. For comparison: “Which beautiful snowflakes in your hair! and “Put on your hat immediately, otherwise you’ll catch a cold!” The difference is noticeable immediately. Or when a guy gives away his jacket if it's really cold outside, and not in order to produce the intended effect.

If a guy is in no hurry to introduce his chosen one to her relatives, even after hints that it’s time, you shouldn’t get upset ahead of time. Perhaps he simply has problems in his family, or a tense relationship with his parents. Here you need to find out the reason for his reluctance to introduce his girlfriend into the family circle. Perhaps his friends come first - in this case, you need to wait until he wants to introduce his chosen one to them.

You need to think seriously if a young man hides his girlfriend from both his parents and friends (provided that he has any), and simply tries to avoid appearing with her in society. Here it is possible that he is embarrassed by her, or he has someone else, and he is afraid of getting into an awkward position.

Conclusion

Alas, not only women are skilled in acting; there are also many actors among the representatives of the stronger half of humanity. Therefore, when trying to determine a guy’s true intentions, it is necessary to take into account several factors at once, comparing them with each other, and not forgetting about the simplest, feminine, logic.

On the other hand, you shouldn’t take too seriously an analysis of the actions, views and words of your chosen one, because this way you can miss all the charm of the most romantic first dates. It’s just that in love, as in all matters in life, you shouldn’t put everything on one card.

Your relationship has been going on for a very long period, but there has been no recognition or hint of the seriousness of the relationship from the man. You can put up with this for a while, but sooner or later you will begin to wonder: what is the reason for this behavior, how to understand what?

And there is another situation: a man does not take his eyes off you at the first meeting, but does not dare to invite you on a date or get acquainted. Girls rarely throw away principles and get acquainted first, so the moment that can develop into a serious relationship is often missed.

It should be understood that a declaration of love for men is a serious step and, fearing rejection, they do not risk confessing their feelings. However, how can you understand that a man is serious and is not interested in just a fleeting romance with you?

Signs that a man is serious about you

Today, relationship psychology identifies the four most important signs which speak of the seriousness of a man’s intentions towards his chosen one:

The first thing you notice when a man experiences sincere sympathy for a woman, and maybe even love, is the desire to spend as much time with her as possible. Your chosen one will find not only time, but also a reason to stay with you as long as possible.


Showing care and tenderness without demanding anything in return is the second sign that someone is serious about you.


Your requests are not ignored, at the same time, the man takes the initiative and all requests do not go unnoticed.


When you heard from his friends that in your absence, the chosen one becomes more withdrawn, his mood rapidly drops.

When a man is truly in love, he won’t necessarily talk about it every day. But there are cases when for the opposite sex, words of love are an empty phrase, so they are “sprayed” with them quite often, without investing much meaning. But silence is often a signal of sincere feelings. So, how to understand a man's true intentions? Often, it is enough just to take a closer look at the body language and try to analyze them.

When he sees his chosen one, for whom a man feels an insane passion, he will begin to suck in his stomach, straighten his shoulders, and shake off non-existent specks of dust from his shoulder. You may notice how the man's pupils dilate when he sees you. Many psychologists claim that such a reaction occurs only in people in love. Pay attention to his body position. Your partner will try to be as close to you as possible, hold your hand, try to protect you from others. A man in love will try to look into your eyes as often as possible during a conversation, catching your every move.

An important point in understanding a man’s relationship with a woman is the emotions that he shows next to her. When communicating with the chosen one, with whom a man is in love, you can notice how the smile does not leave his face, while he will constantly look into her eyes.

A serious man will constantly look for ways to please you and pleasantly surprise you, without waiting for a special occasion.

If you still doubt the sincerity of your chosen one, and are thinking about how to understand the guy’s intentions, then try to find out what kind of relationship he had before you. You shouldn’t continue the relationship, much less expect a declaration of love from or married man. Being married, a man is unlikely to want to destroy it for your sake, and for a womanizer you will be just another beautiful girl in his "collection".

When you know that a man is not into short affairs and does not support them, and is also lonely, then the chances of his sincerity towards you increases significantly. Feel free to observe your partner, his emotions and ask his friends about former relationship. After all, the continuation of your communication depends on such information.

The seriousness of the chosen one’s intentions: how to recognize?

You've had enough a long period with your man. Candy-bouquet period left behind and you are tormented by the question of the seriousness of your chosen one’s intentions. A woman is especially worried when she has been with a man for several years, but still no marriage proposals are received. At such a moment, doubts and worries are quite natural.

So, how can you understand that a man is serious about you, about his desire to connect his destiny with you? First of all, take a closer look at his behavior, as well as the topics of conversation. A serious man will at least occasionally hint to you about life together and even marriage. He will want to meet your parents and also introduce you to his. Do not forget that for such a chosen one you will always be a priority and he will prove it in every possible way. Such a man will not disappear for a week after the next date, but will try to call or see each other as often as possible.

One more important point is intimacy. The chosen one in love will not rush you, and at the moment of intimacy will not limit himself to his own pleasure, forgetting about his companion. Other women will become taboo for him, he will not allow himself familiar communication with her, much less light flirting.

Still from the movie "The Notebook", 2004.

How to find out if your chosen one loves you and understand that the man is serious? Of course, you can only get the most accurate answer from your chosen one, but what to do when you don’t have the strength to wait and want to understand how he feels about you.

At the first stage, you can try asking his friends. He probably discussed your relationship and feelings for you more than once. However, there is a risk that your friends will not want to tell you such personal information or you will not like the answer. Don’t be upset in this case, because the words of strangers do not always contain the truth. As already described above, the only the right way To understand a man's intention is to observe his behavior. Another sign that he is serious about you will be jealousy on his part. He won't allow it opposite sex show excessive attention to you, and, if necessary, delicately explain that you are not alone.

It would be a good idea to joke about living together and see the man’s reaction. If he joked in the direction of the fact that he is not ready yet, then here it is unlikely we're talking about about taking you seriously. When a man decides to be together, he himself proposes to move in together as quickly as possible. This way, your boyfriend will show that he is committed to a serious relationship.

Still from the movie "Dear John", 2010.

It is important to understand that not all men true love will prove with every minute attention and expensive gifts. In many cases, your chosen one will begin to take more diligent care of his career, perhaps looking for a new job. Most likely he sees in you future wife, so he will try to do everything to living together was as comfortable as possible.

Unfortunately, men do not always show their love the way we (women) would like to see or are accustomed to seeing in romantic films. Don't forget about psychological characteristics men. Often, sincere feelings your chosen one can show not a bouquet of dozens of roses, but banal care, in the form warm scarf and hot tea when you are sick.

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