Is it worth having children from an unloved man? Pregnant from the unloved (long)

Good day! I really, really need advice. Got pregnant from unloved person, accidentally. I have a son, 8 years old, conceived in love and desired ( ex-husband He doesn’t help us at all, he refuses to pay child support). I need to make a decision by tomorrow 12.00, I signed up for a medical abortion. I don’t know what to do?.. On the one hand, fate is giving me a second chance to become a mother, on the other hand, the father doesn’t need the child (he immediately abandoned us when he found out and is going to move to another region), and my mother doesn’t want me supports. I have 2 consumer loans, my son and I live in rented apartment, we somehow make ends meet, but we don’t complain about life... I don’t know how to live further...
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Natalya, age: 36 / 04/09/2018

Please do not have an abortion, I beg you. This is such happiness, everything will be fine. Give the child the opportunity to live, I ask you. If you do not have the opportunity to raise him, then give him to those who dream of becoming a mother but, alas, cannot. Please give the baby the opportunity to live, to be born and be part of this wonderful world. I beg you, do not have an abortion, do not kill an innocent baby. He is already alive, God sent you such happiness. Please stop. Read on this site the stories of women who had an abortion, how they regret how they my conscience torments me. Darling, don’t kill your own flesh and blood, please, please don’t have an abortion.

Mulan, age: 26 / 04/11/2018

Good day, Natalia. Please don't do THIS. A conceived child IMMEDIATELY receives from God living soul. It is not fate, but GOD gives you a child. And nothing happens by chance. All is in God's hands. If the child is conceived, then you will not medical abortion, but the murder of your DEFENSE CHILD. An adult can at least defend himself!
Read letters from women who wanted to have an abortion, and the responses to these letters (right where you wrote your letter). Almost all women then suffer greatly and suffer.
I know one of the stories that was told by an elderly and lonely woman. She ALREADY HAD 6 children and became pregnant with her 7th child after 40 years. And I decided to have an abortion. She had a dream: she sees a child and asks him: “Who are you?” And he answers: “I am your breadwinner!” She says: “I already have 6 children.” I woke up and still had an abortion. And then the disease took all the children - one by one and she was left alone!!!
I have 3 sons. My husband wanted 10 children. But he hardly helped with any of them. Now he gives very little money for everyone (how much I spend at the minimum per day - he gives so much per month). My parents were also against it, they scolded me and reproached me (especially my mother). I was very nervous and worried. But I gave birth to my boys and now I’m very happy and I don’t know how I would live without them. My parents still help me with the children and now they love them very much.
God loves us most and is waiting for us. Start going to Orthodox church on Sunday (and you will see how many young people there are). Talk to the priests. Feel free to stop by and stand in for the service. Understand that you will go to God, not to people. And God sees people from the inside, always and everywhere, so do not be afraid to take a step towards God, Who is already waiting for each of us always with with open arms, but we don’t see or feel it. Just listen to the service, then you will gradually begin to understand, you will want to Confess in order to cleanse your soul of accumulated dirt and see more clearly and better understand everything in general in life, to understand why we live. And I think you will find friends.
Help, Lord, Thy servant Natalya and do not forsake her with Thy help.
Mother of God, help Your servant Natalya and do not forsake her with Your help.
Holy Martyr Natalia and all the saints, help the servant of God Natalia and do not forsake her with your help.

Anna, age: 38 / 04/11/2018

Hello!
Please don't do this!
Ask God to help you financially. Perhaps your mother will change her mind and support, or other relatives, friends, acquaintances will help in some way.

God help you!

Alexander, age: 30 / 04/11/2018

Good evening! I also stood at a crossroads 5 years ago, and now I can’t imagine how I would live without my second son!) I ask you - don’t do this, if you have an abortion, nothing can be fixed later. The life situation improved on its own, no one helped me either, and I thought that I would be left alone. But no. I'm married. And, I assure you, if I had not left the child, I would not have a family now. There would be despair, guilt and emptiness. And the husband recognized both children as his)
God help you! Don't kill a child, he already has a soul and a beating heart. I wish you well, and that you change your mind and become happy mom two children.

Anya, age: 35 / 04/18/2018

Mulan, Anna, Alexander - I am very grateful to you and grateful for the support that I really, really needed... I couldn’t have an abortion, the baby’s heart was already beating... I kept the pregnancy, I will give birth, the child will not be for anyone I'll give it back. My friends supported me and cousin, then my parents and my sister accepted my decision, they don’t judge me. After making the decision, there was hope and confidence that everything would be fine!!! I wouldn't forgive myself if I acted differently...
GOD is in us, there are ANGELS... you just need to hear them!
I wish everyone happiness, joy, positivity every second!!! Don't accept hasty decisions and listen only to your heart!!!

Natalya, age: 36 / 04/19/2018

I'm so glad that everything worked out for you and that you didn't make that terrible mistake. I’m so glad that you saved this child, who, I think, will bring you a lot of joy (and a little trouble, of course). I was very pleased with your gratitude. I am very pleased that God (with my little help) visited you. May the baby be born safely and grow to the joy of everyone. And then you tell him about God and His love for people. And your child will grow up to be a real person.

Anna, age: 38 / 04/24/2018

Natalya, good afternoon!

Don't have an abortion, not now, not ever! Relationships with a person can be improved, life is long. But the child cannot be returned.

Elena, age: 27 / 05/06/2018

I'm 26. Same situation. Two weeks ago I went for a medical abortion. Just as I was about to take the first pill, the child’s “father” called and asked me not to drink. This was a relief for me. But on the same day he was left without work, and suggested once again that we consider having a common child (he has a daughter from his first marriage). I have a son from my first marriage (my husband is a drug addict; in a month he will be 3 years old). I have known the “father” of the child who lives in me for only 5 months.
I understand that it will be very difficult, but I ran from the gynecologist, happy that the baby was healthy and living inside me. I decided for myself, no matter what happens, I will find the strength to raise two children with or without their fathers... and I am also in my 3rd pregnancy. The first was a spontaneous abortion at 5 weeks. The second one is a son, but after the birth bleeding began. The question was: leave the uterus or cut it out. And miraculously, the bleeding stopped in seconds - I can have children... Many cannot... I was given a chance to become a mother again, but it might not have happened... I don’t work, we rent an apartment. It’s difficult, but there is strength in love... children are our everything...

When asked whether it is worth having children from unloved man, there has never been and there is no exact answer. A woman must understand that she is responsible for every step she takes along her path, so before making any decision, she needs to pause and just think about the future.

Having become pregnant from an unloved woman, a woman worries that unborn child will also be unloved by her. The baby can remind you of that man, be similar to him both in character and external features. Words such as “unloved child” even sound with terrible coldness and fear. It may turn out that your child will become the main factor of irritation and dissatisfaction for you. Even the very fact of its existence sometimes becomes unpleasant. The most dangerous thing here is the gap that can form between mother and child if he is born from an unloved person.

In fact, such a danger exists, but women are very rarely capable of not loving their child, even one born from a man who is not their lover.

What to do if you become pregnant from an unloved man?

Even from the most difficult situation there is a way out. In such a case, the most current option will become psychological technique, when it is necessary to weigh the pros and cons.

You need to make a sober assessment of what is happening and find all the pros and cons.

If you find out that you are pregnant by a man you don't love, you better try to look at everything from a positive point of view. After all, pregnancy, even from an unloved person, is a gift of fate. Children are the most valuable thing a person can have in their life. After all, it is your child too. Some women are deprived of the opportunity to bear and give birth to a child on their own, although they have an irresistible desire to become a mother. This pushes them to use all sorts of methods, for example, artificial insemination or surrogacy. They are ready to give any money just to hold such a small and dear baby close to them.

Two years ago I met a guy. At that time, I moved to a foreign city, and I really missed communication and friends in a new place. I wasn’t attracted to him as a man, but since I had almost no acquaintances, I continued the conversation. On his part, there was genuine interest in me. He called 20 times. He caught me on the street. Met me from work. I was waiting at the entrance. In general, he did not give way.

This kind of pressure irritated me. I tried to explain that I don’t love him, and we can communicate as friends, but apparently not clearly enough. He answered that his love was enough for two, and no matter what I thought, he would not lag behind. I spent a lot of time at work, but everything free time soon it was occupied only by him. Although I didn’t like it, when I came home from work tired, I couldn’t resist. Six months later, the relationship became closer. But there was no love on my part. Problems arose at a job that meant a lot to me. And the young man was always there, caring for me and cherishing me.

Since work wasn’t going well, and the young man treated me very well, I decided to try to enter into a relationship with him. I even took it as a sign. Soon I became pregnant. The day after conceiving the child, he said that we were in a hurry and should not have children yet. Brought a pill. A month later, the pregnancy was confirmed. He was happy, or pretended to be. He began to talk about the wedding, but things did not go further than talk, as if he was stalling for time. I never expected such a development of events. I was 120 percent sure that he would not go anywhere. After all, he had been chasing me for a whole year before.

She started hinting at a wedding. He nevertheless made an offer, we submitted an application. Although the relationship was already cold. And even ridicule from him. Like, it broke and broke, and now the site is pregnant with me. Of course, I was very nervous about work. Pregnancy also made itself felt, I was capricious, I felt sick all the time, I wanted to sleep. In general, after our parents met two weeks before the wedding, he left and appeared two months later asking when I would take off the crown and ask him to marry me. At the same time, he spoke badly about my family.

Although I have good parents, however, instead of a father, a stepfather. The guy is also from ordinary family. But his parents bought a one-room apartment for their son in a small town and are very proud of it. I was perceived as a swindler who needed a city registration. I didn’t make peace with him and I’m even glad that the wedding didn’t take place. I was stupid, getting pregnant from someone I didn’t love. The child was born. Now I'm in maternity leave. I live in the village with my mother. I really want to work in Big city. My difficulties at work were then successfully resolved, and on the contrary, an opportunity arose career growth. But since I became pregnant, I had to refuse all offers. Now I'm biting my elbows. Of course I love my child’s website. But I hate her father. I remember it all the time, I can’t let go. In my relationship with him, I felt morally raped. But she couldn't fight. I couldn’t tell him to leave just once.

And she continued the conversation. He became more impudent day by day. Hacked mine social media, read the correspondence. Checked my phone when I wasn't looking. I even secretly made a duplicate of the key to the apartment in which I lived. I really didn’t like it, when I asked him not to do that, he replied that he would do it anyway and didn’t care what I thought, and that’s what I said about it. I myself allowed myself to be bullied and communicated with him through force. It is understandable why everything ended this way. But how to let it all go and move on? It's a shame for the missed opportunities. The guy and his parents do not want to communicate with the child. In fact, we have never seen our daughter. It's a shame for yourself, for the child. I even feel guilty towards my daughter that I made a mistake in choosing a father for her. Although she herself grew up without her father’s site.

I am always angry that he lives happily, perhaps he is already building another relationship. And I'm broke. No husband, no opportunity to develop in life. Child. This is certainly happiness. But the thought that I would have to lift it alone is somehow not fun. You will have to forget about yourself. I hate him, he came into my life by force and ruined it, and then disappeared when I had already relaxed and trusted. And at the same time he laughed at me brazenly. Sometimes it even seems to me that all this was done on purpose. How to let go of everything and start living with what you have today? I really want to take revenge or harm him in some way. Although all this is also my fault. Excessive modesty did not allow me to be categorical in my decisions, or weakness and hopelessness led to what I have now.

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My name is Mira. I am 26 years old. My husband is 27 years old and works in his own smelly bank. 7 years in a relationship. 2 years in official marriage. The relationship was always a 3 out of 5. There was always uncertainty about my choice. Well, I lived and lived for myself. And so, as soon as difficulties arose, he, like a rat from a ship, ran to cheat with a person from his bank. The special one is quite below the baseboard. Long story. There were a lot of grievances. There were a lot of goodbyes. I cannot and will not forgive this. I know myself. And so, having found out, I didn’t hesitate for a minute to say goodbye and in the hope of never seeing him again. I hated him. I've already taken my things. He cried, asked for forgiveness, begged, swore. I can not. He started courting. I have already made my plans for life. And then I find out that I'm pregnant. I told him I’m glad. Already plans are through the roof. I found a clinic. Helps with funds. Etc. It’s worth noting that before this incident, I started planning for a baby like a fool. I went through all the doctors. That is, prepare mentally, and then suddenly there’s a knife in the back. I've been waiting for a child for a long time, but the fact that it's from him......... it scares me so much..... I can't. I cried for a day when I found out. What should I do?????!! Help.

Mira, you didn’t finish writing “and then, a knife in the back...”. What scares you? That you conceived a child from a “dirty” husband? That now the child will be “dirty”? That when he is born, he will be drawn to his “dirty” dad? If I were you, I would accept the situation as it is. What is this situation like? - you ask. In my opinion, nature is Once again showed that she wiser than man with his ideas about morality. Human morality is too changeable and fickle. It is impossible to live relying only on written moral laws. Nature makes sure that life continues. That’s why he challenges you to show your will. And this puts you before a choice: “live according to a template written by someone” or “take responsibility for your life.”

Aidarbekov Kairat Anvarbekovich, psychologist in Almaty

Hello Mira. THIS IS YOUR CHILD and no matter who he is from, how you raise him, this is how he will be. You used to live a “gray life” without a child, as you wrote with a “C”, and would have lived like that for years to come... Be grateful to pregnancy, as it has already begun to change your life. In the future, it doesn’t matter whether you get divorced or get better family life, since the husband has already begun to make plans, but in any case, your pregnancy is positive thing. With all my heart, I wish you success and all the best!!!

Online psychologist - effective counseling, therapy via Skype

Idrisov Galikhan Abdeshevich

Psychologist Almaty Was on the site: Yesterday

You are not backed into a corner - you still have options))))
My opinion is to listen very carefully to yourself and think about what you want. I want to be with the first one, but so that he treats you and the children differently, right? This is a utopia, you know. Think only about the real based on knowledge and intuition.
How do you feel about children, second children, what do you want from life, etc.? Do your desires coincide with your first husband? People here definitely recommend it for the garden. I'm in. Such a person is in the garden, because I could not trust him, I could not be unloved and unnecessary, I could not forgive myself for personally ruining my life, my daughter’s life and never born child. But that's me.
Perhaps you don’t care and are ready to do anything to be with the first one. And if he wants to hand over his daughter to an orphanage, hand him over without hesitation, because it’s more important for you personally to be with him. I've met people like this - it's theirs personal choice, only everyone, unfortunately, was NOT conscious, then they blamed everyone for everything and now they are extremely unhappy (((Here the advice of the conference will not help in any way.
With the second - for me personally, I already understood this from experience, for life together I need someone who loves me, I will pull myself up and respond in some way. In extreme cases, for butterflies and adrenaline there will be others, in passing.
If you don’t convince yourself, don’t dwell on the fact that I DON’T LOVE HIM, but simply enjoy what he gives - warmth, help, care, a feeling of being needed (which is very important to me) - you can live very well.
About the second child - You have already realized that the child is YOURS and it is forever. Regardless of dads. Although, of course, I really want a family and a dad and everything else that is called family happiness..
Either you want a child or you don't. In my past there is one abortion without indications, without anything - I just wasn’t ready, or rather my husband and I kind of decided that... It’s too late to regret... But now I have a son, and I understand that now that I understand who there could be something he could have given me, etc... I understand that now it will be, to put it mildly, very, very difficult for me to decide on an abortion.
My personal summary - according to the topic, you are an adequate independent woman - leaving the 1st “for later”, living with him is harmful, if the 2nd loves you... well, you will quietly dream about the 1st, well, you will meet again, he will still remain the daughter’s dad and nothing prevents you from meeting him... it’s better not to think about living together with someone like that, it’s sado-maso, which would be okay if you were alone. To mock your daughter’s life for the sake of incomprehensible dreams (and 99.9% of them are unrealizable and even most likely feasible exactly the opposite), ruin her life and force her, for the sake of, again, incomprehensibly why, to live with a person who doesn’t really need her, with whom you have will be the most serious problems.. I don't see the point.
With the second - as many advised - why bother - let him take care, let him give what he wants - don’t refuse, perhaps you shouldn’t cheat, perhaps you should admit that you don’t yet understand your happiness and are not sure of it, but you want to try or something like that...
With a child, I know one thing for sure - you can’t have an abortion JUST because the other one wants it. If you do, his attitude towards you will be even worse, you are a wimp, capable of doing anything for his sake. This is the attitude you will receive and that is how it is, to be honest. So, listen yourself as a child given to you, not someone else. It's up to you to decide (if this is really possible for you...)
Share them all. The first is separate (and better away from all of you altogether), the second and in general your personal life, sex, love, etc. - separately, the child - separately.
This is your turning point, this is your choice. It's difficult, I agree...
But you are not in the corner. You have a lot of wonderful options, there is a choice and it is huge.
Sorry, I can’t stop, in my personal opinion, the worst choice is to send everyone and myself too and give all these lives to the first one. Yours, your daughter and your embryo. Plus love and possible happiness of the 2nd.
Good luck to you and all the best.
22.03.2007 12:13:55,