Star News
Why do women discuss their relationship with their friends. "I don't hang out with dumb blondes"
When problems arise with a beloved man, it would be more logical to discuss them with the man himself. But no, many do not do this without first consulting with a friend.
The influence of friends and close circle on personal relationships is much greater than we used to think. Many people are even more excited about introducing their lovers to friends than to their own parents. And this makes sense: everyone wants to spend weekends, holidays and vacations together, and it is important that loved ones and friends find a common language.
On the other hand, if you really want your girlfriend to appreciate all the advantages of a new partner, why are you going to complain to her in the first place about his strange behavior, resentment, misunderstanding?
To vent emotions
Although "kitchen conversations" have little to do with a psychotherapy session, they always help to calm down and even cheer yourself up.
Friendship is a unique type of relationship based on sincere sympathy and a completely disinterested desire to help and just be close to each other.
Therefore, a conversation with a person who has known you for a long time and understands you helps to relieve stress, throw out emotions. And after that, in a calm state, you can already analyze the situation and make adequate decisions.
To bring clarity
Love, especially at first, causes confusion of feelings with the subsequent loss of familiar landmarks.
It can be difficult for a woman in love, overwhelmed by emotions, to distinguish whether a man is really behaving inappropriately, or she is still dramatizing. Was he just joking or offended? Is he really busy at work or doesn't want to communicate? Should I continue to date him if he doesn't want kids and I do? Am I ready for a long distance relationship?
In this situation, a friend acts as a person who shares your certain values (it’s not for nothing that you have been friends for so many years!) And who can remind you of them.
To look at the situation from the side
A friend is a unique person who shares your interests and beliefs, but at the same time has her own. In addition, she is not emotionally involved in the situation, so often her comments help to abstract a little and look at events from a different angle.
Because a friend will always be by your side
Even if she treats your chosen one perfectly, your interests will always be a priority for her. Therefore, analyzing the situation, she will always give advice that will help resolve any disputable situation in the most favorable way for you.
Who will be the first to see the hair grown after depilation? Girlfriend!
Who will sum up that you still did not lose weight, but rather gained weight after the holidays? A colleague!
Who will be the first to remind you that your biological clock is ticking and you are in danger of suffering alone in retirement? That's right, mom!
Such linguistic terrorism on the part of "ours", that is, women, flourishes so luxuriantly that it would be time to take away this wonderful epithet for self-hatred from the fair sex. How to end this once and for all and understand that through humiliating comments towards other women, we insult ourselves in their face? We have compiled a list of phrases that no self-respecting woman would say to another woman.
“Give him one more chance, a smart woman should be able to forgive…”
For example, if your mother brought you up in an atmosphere of religious forgiveness and cringing before men, then there are other mothers who explained to their daughters that the main thing in a relationship is mutual comfort and respect, which very often are not combined with either treason or permanent parasitism. , not even with "failures" in bed. And in general, since when does the shape of the genitals justify the fact that everything is possible for the “pistils”, and it is better for the “stamens” to remain silent?
“In my opinion, it’s time for you to get married / move in / buy a car, because you have been together for so long!”
Who ever told you that all happy couples must live together, stamp their passports and buy a family car? Did you see such an idyll in an advertisement for mayonnaise or in an advertisement for this very family car? Think about it, maybe it’s good for people: to arrange dates outside the home, to have time to get bored and do personal things, to ride bicycles and not make plans for the future, so as not to hope to die one day, but to be happy today.
“I see you have a mustache above your upper lip / a pimple above your eyebrow / a wrinkle under your eye ...”
With women, against the backdrop of the spread of glossy standards, it would be time to state a new disease - an acute denial of imperfection. Photoshop and smooth as a glazed donut, Kim Kardashian still did their dirty work: natural and completely natural phenomena in appearance are now perceived as a disaster. Unsubscribe already from the “instagrams” of models and look around: everything except the stupid chickens that “live” in beauty salons are imperfect and no one has died from this yet.
"I'm sure you'll make a good mommy!"
In 20% of cases it sounds like a funny compliment, in 80% it sounds like a reminder that some kind of clock is ticking there, and you don’t think about children at all. Before you say this to someone who has not yet become a mother, think that motherhood is a difficult and responsible choice and the reasons that make you not take this step are different for each woman and she is not obliged to disclose them. Oh yes, and you, adviser, would make an excellent fortune-teller, why don't you earn extra money on this ?!
“Your husband/boyfriend/child needs more affection and support, you don’t pay attention to him at all!”
Maybe because I work ten hours a day, and I also train for a triathlon, see my girlfriends, go shopping for my soul, visit my parents and, in the end, just breathe fresh air, because even with a partner or a child I am still a full-fledged person who does not deny himself selfish pleasures. And how, by the way, are you, advisers, on this front?
“One day you will definitely meet him!”
Of course, I only dream about when this beautiful day will come and he will “cut” me on his luxurious BMW, and then he will take me to a restaurant as an apology and exactly one month later he will fall on one knee with the ring. And the most annoying thing is that this phrase with a derogatory connotation in speech is always pronounced by those who supposedly have already met THEIR, even if this OWN is a lazy fat slacker and a whiner. If they want a repetition of the scenario from you, then it’s better that such a “prince” never comes.
“Every woman should be able to cook, I don’t understand how you even live on Earth?”
Well, yes, and then every man should be able to hunt a wild boar and chop wood, but not everyone knows how. Think about it, we don’t live in villages for a long time, where the mistress of the house took care of the family’s food, and restaurants and ready-made food didn’t even exist. Cooking is no longer a life skill, and it certainly can't be more "feminine" than masculine, because we eat three times a day the same way.
"This is not a woman's job!"
Before you say that, think for a second what exactly makes this job "unwomanly": the fact that it's overly responsible, labor intensive, and lucrative (like being a big boss), or the fact that you have to discover something. new (for example, the structure of the toilet) and get your nails dirty? In the first case, you must admit that discrimination already sounds stupid and the story of the boss Katerina from Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears is already 36 years old, and in the second, your statement sounds disrespectful, because if a woman has no other choice, then someone must do this work.
"He's acting like a hysteric!"
We remind you that in Russian there are still three genders - feminine, masculine and neuter. So, it will be correct “He behaves like a hysteric” and nothing more, otherwise you attribute an uncontrollable outburst of emotions and unreasonable suffering exclusively to women and generalize by gender such a common factor for both sexes as an unstable psyche. Anti-compliments like “behaves like a woman”, “is ashamed like a virgin” and everything like that for the same reason should be abandoned and already started calling things in their own words, and not attributing all mortal sins to women, as if we are still living in the Middle Ages.
Nasty jokes about blondes, female logic and a monkey with a grenade are regularly broadcast by women. The worst thing is that it is considered normal. But how can it be a normal habit to humiliate those who, by and large, are not much different from you? Why proudly say "Oh, I'm much more interested in talking with men!", Meaning "Because I'm not interested in any woman's nonsense"? Women regularly devalue the experiences of other women, their hobbies, their values, their worldview. I want to be "not like that". Above it. Smarter than these "chicks".
Why is it so: it's a nod to the men. An attempt to fit in with the male society in the manner of the jackal Tabaki, who accompanied Sherkhan and thus provided himself with food and protection. This is the message “They are all fools, but I am not. Don't hit me, I'll be useful to you." It's just a survival tactic. Women often earn less than men while performing the same duties. Women must raise children, but a man may not pay alimony (according to the law, he must, but we all know very well how this happens in practice). We can be independent and lonely, we can be free from the will of fathers and husbands, but we are dependent on the male world as a whole. Men are the dominant sex. This is patriarchy.
What are you doing? You are a girl!
We still continue to cripple our daughters, driving them into the confines of gender. "You're a girl!" is a refrain that always accompanies a female child. Why do you need a machine? Where did you climb in a skirt, the whole ass is out! Are you in a fight with a boy? Girls don't say things like that! Here the girls are sitting, play with them. All this is said all the time, but what message does the girl really get? Give up your desires, be ashamed of your body, don't dare to defend yourself, don't dare to express negative emotions, forget that you can have your own vision of the world and situation. We morally rape a little girl and do not notice it ourselves.
Why is it so: because we know she will grow up to be a woman. And her life will be no different from ours, she will find herself in the same patriarchal world. She doesn't need to be a free person. She needs to be a woman who is convenient for a man, and then, perhaps, all the blessings of life will fall to her, and our motherly heart will be calm for her. For hundreds of years, women in China have broken the feet of their daughters, turned them into invalids - and did it for good reasons. Because only a girl with a lotus foot could count on a successful marriage. We break the psyche of children. It also hurts, but we diligently do not notice it. Because we are scared.
It's the fool's fault!
The wildest, most terrifying manifestation of internal misogyny is blaming the victim. Husband beat? The fool herself is to blame, normal women do not marry just anyone. Raped? The fool herself is to blame, normal women do not go to drink in a man's company. The key word is "normal". The victim is implied to be insane, and therefore not deserving of sympathy. Any article about a brutal crime against a woman collects a lot of comments. With the message "There she is dear, since she did not think with her head." And it's written by women.
Why is it so: no woman in our country feels safe. At any moment, a man can beat you, rape, kill you - and no one will protect you. Moreover, you will also be accused of his crime: it is your own fault, yes. It is impossible to accept this without being damaged by the mind, so our psyche builds a defense mechanism: “She was a bad, worthless woman, but I'm not like that, I'm good. So it will never happen to me." The second lever of this mechanism is the desire to destroy the victim, because she woke up the evil and framed everyone. She was bad, she provoked the culprit and now he might get a taste of it and do it to someone else. We are defenseless to such an extent that we react to the victim, like primitive people: it is she, she flooded everything with her blood and lured predators! Throw her to be eaten by them!
Popular
the site often publishes photos of "imperfect" women - and every time we receive a flurry of offensive comments. A woman simply cannot be fat - she will be trampled on, doused with gasoline and set on fire. Metaphorically, of course, but that doesn't make it any easier. The same goes for women who are not groomed enough, dress "weirdly" or are simply plain ugly. All this, in general, is their own business. Why hate them, why insult them?
Why is it so: in a patriarchal world, a woman is a commodity. It is disgusting for us to realize this, so we console ourselves with the maxim “A woman should be beautiful first of all for herself!”. He can't, he doesn't want to, but he must. I have to! This is clever self-deception. In fact, we are simply afraid to undermine men's trust. Men might think that all women are just waiting for the moment when they can relax, get fat and stop shaving their legs. Therefore, you need to voice the position “But I’m not like that, I will always be a doll for you!”. And men are fine with it. They come and put likes under the comments about what exactly a woman should. And fat women - who cares at all to think about their feelings? They are worthless goods. Culling.
A real woman should...
Incredible popularity suddenly gained training such as "How to become a real woman", as well as books and articles on female wisdom, supposedly based on the Vedas. In fact, these are the muddy streams of consciousness of sexists and women who have embarked on the path of misogyny. Serving a husband as a master, refusing to wear underwear, turning a uterus - how can one take this obscurantism seriously? Very easy. Moreover, women who decide to become "real" hate those who are not attracted to this path.
Why is it so: we've all read Gone with the Wind and remember Mammy's saying, "I didn't ask them to come and set me free!" And this is a historical fact, by the way - many slaves really shared this position. They just had good white gentlemen. They fed their slaves well, treated them, did not sell their small children to other plantations, and never flogged anyone with a whip. This is a simple and understandable life: do what you must, and everything will be fine with you. Try to serve even better - and you will rise.
And freedom of thought is war. These are blue uniforms. They will come and break everything, they will throw us into the unknown. And this, as you know, is the worst thing.
We cannot change this world in one moment. But as long as we do nothing, nothing will change. Very little is required of you and of all of us: just support the woman. You can.
“Women in my family did not see anything good from men. Grandmother to the question: “Who was grandfather?” invariably answered: "It burned down, and there was no smoke." My dad got the nickname "cyclist": he was constantly riding somewhere, and everything was far away from home. Maybe it's not surprising that I decided to choose a woman. And she didn't regret it. We are good together: we honestly share all the responsibilities, even those from which men usually run away.
Women who treat men badly pass this feeling on to their daughters. The image of a parasite on the couch, a “goat” who needs only one thing, who “whacks and quits,” is one of the reasons why a woman chooses a woman. Fear, a squeamish feeling for "animal" men - this is what sometimes becomes the reason for an unconventional choice. So, if you want to raise a heterosexual girl, don't hold a grudge against men.
And one more thing: no need to do a man's job! In pursuit of equality, the woman herself tears the initiative and work out of the hands of the man, he has no choice but to lie quietly on the couch. A woman, due to a heavy load, becomes nervous, becomes embittered at the entire male gender, and as a result, she either passes on her attitude to the younger generation, or leaves the man for the woman.
Unhappy love
“My relationship with women began from the moment when one day I shaved my head. I did it from a banal unhappy love for a man. It was then that it turned out that the girls were very close.
This is perhaps the most common reason for leaving in another love. The inability to build relationships with the opposite sex, resentment, a feeling of loneliness and own unattractiveness, which is characteristic of many teenagers, can make you look for love where the competition is not so high. This is the path of least resistance, which will sooner or later lead to disappointment if a person is not driven by true desires and inclinations, but by considerations of spiritual comfort. It is better to survive unhappy love alone, a love experience with a woman can lead to the fact that such a wall will grow between men and you that cannot be destroyed even in a few years.
Dances to choose from
“Sex with a woman is more refined, refined, unhurried. And although I love a man's body more than a woman's, I find what I need only in women's arms.
Even lesbian erotic dances are different from how women who love men move. But dance is a kind of imitation of sexual intercourse. The movements of the traditional are more conservative, rhythmic, in lesbians - languor, smoothness prevail, they focus on the chest and hips. If a woman sometimes practices sex with a woman, then she needs it, this is evidence of her bisexuality. She is unlikely to become happy in life: such a “bifurcation” of desires is a difficult test, because a person always strives to decide. Even great bisexual women like Marlene Dietrich or Madonna (who eventually settled on men) were not looking for variety, but trying to understand themselves.
As per notes
“I get the impression that half the female population of the globe has decided that not trying sex with a woman is a sign of cowardice and narrow-mindedness.”
Fashion has a big influence on hobbies. Young people especially obey her. And homosexuality is relevant today. It is no coincidence that the Tatu group, whose soloists have nothing to do with sexual minorities, successfully exploited the theme of same-sex female love. By the way, true lesbians treated with contempt the work of this once popular duet. Although his success was accurately calculated. The desire of young people to outrageous, to imitate (kiss girls, take off T-shirts, as on stage) does its job. So the mass character and the peculiar popularity of same-sex relationships are to a large extent the games of children that cynical adults come up with for them.
Fight for a woman
“Recently, in the subway, two girls waved their hands at me, expressed admiration for my appearance with stormy exclamations. The mood rose - so what, what girls. I need attention, and it doesn't matter from which side.
It is a problem of seeking comfort and low self-esteem. Among lesbians, such traditionally masculine behaviors as fighting for the chosen one are more common today than among men. For a young girl deprived of male attention, knightly tournaments of lesbians in her honor are a pleasant surprise. Self-esteem grows, clogging all other instincts and feelings.
When problems arise with a beloved man, it would be more logical to discuss them with the man himself. But no, many do not do this without first consulting with a friend.
The influence of friends and close circle on personal relationships is much greater than we used to think. Many people are even more excited about introducing their lovers to friends than to their own parents. And this makes sense: everyone wants to spend weekends, holidays and vacations together, and it is important that loved ones and friends find a common language.
On the other hand, if you really want your girlfriend to appreciate all the advantages of a new partner, why are you going to complain to her in the first place about his strange behavior, resentment, misunderstanding?
1
To vent emotions
Although "kitchen conversations" have little to do with a psychotherapy session, they always help to calm down and even cheer yourself up.
Friendship is a unique type of relationship based on sincere sympathy and a completely disinterested desire to help and just be close to each other.
Therefore, a conversation with a person who has known you for a long time and understands you helps to relieve stress, throw out emotions. And after that, in a calm state, you can already analyze the situation and make adequate decisions.
2
To bring clarity
Love, especially at first, causes confusion of feelings with the subsequent loss of familiar landmarks.
It can be difficult for a woman in love, overwhelmed by emotions, to distinguish whether a man is really behaving inappropriately, or she is still dramatizing. Was he just joking or offended? Is he really busy at work or doesn't want to communicate? Should I continue to date him if he doesn't want kids and I do? Am I ready for a long distance relationship?
In this situation, a friend acts as a person who shares your certain values (it’s not for nothing that you have been friends for so many years!) And who can remind you of them.
3
To look at the situation from the side
A friend is a unique person who shares your interests and beliefs, but at the same time has her own. In addition, she is not emotionally involved in the situation, so often her comments help to abstract a little and look at events from a different angle.
4
Because a friend will always be by your side
Even if she treats your chosen one perfectly, your interests will always be a priority for her. Therefore, analyzing the situation, she will always give advice that will help resolve any disputable situation in the most favorable way for you.
5
For fun
Well, you see, girlfriends love to gossip. And you should not take this occupation as frivolous and even bad. Yes, in this case it is important, of course, to define some limits of what is acceptable. Still, it’s not worth talking about personal problems and the state of health of a man to girlfriends.
But discussing all sorts of funny or interesting details of the relationship always makes friendship closer. After all, it does not exist in a vacuum, and it needs nourishment in the form of various important and not very information.
Therefore, without conversations in the style: “What is he? What about you?" it is difficult to imagine women's gatherings.
6
For support
If suddenly a relationship becomes unsafe, a man slowly but surely turns into an abuser, a girlfriend is the first person who can support you and, most likely, will let you live for a while.
If your relationship is really close, then you can trust her with any, even the most terrible secrets. And, most likely, she will be the first to notice the alarm bells in the behavior of a man and draw your attention to them.
