Should you wait for his initiative in a relationship with a man? A man’s opinion about women’s initiative in relationships. Active actions towards a man they know.

Hello! I am writing from an empty account, because... There are a lot of my photos in the present, I wouldn’t want to be recognized))
My problem is that I just can’t improve my personal life.
About myself - I’m 33 years old, according to others, I’m pretty, many even consider me beautiful, I understand this myself, I don’t seem to have any problems with my appearance... I’m slim, quite tall, with a good athletic figure, I look 5 years younger, I take care of myself. I consider myself a rather interesting person, no matter how trivial, but I travel, I try to visit non-trivial places, I go to the mountains, I love some unexplored corners, I often travel around Russia. I'm reading. I am interested in painting, I paint in oils. It’s not boring to be with me, I can see it from my friends and acquaintances... In general, I look like an interesting, versatile, pretty girl.
But!!! With all this wonderful set, I am completely out of work in my personal life. I wasn’t married, I had a relationship that didn’t last very long. There was also a relationship with a married man. After them, one might say, there was really no one. I moved away from this relationship a long time ago, at first I reveled in freedom and happiness without love suffering, I didn’t need anyone, but now, having completely cleansed myself, I want to meet a man for a relationship. I’m not saying that it’s going to be serious right away, although of course I want to be serious and have a family. I really want to.
I’ll say right away that my social circle is not very large; acquaintances are quite rare. For some reason they end with 1-2 dates and that’s it.

Silence and emptiness. I used to think it was a coincidence, but now I’m already starting to delve into myself. The main problem is that we are meeting a young man, the date is going well, I see that I like him, I like him too, we have something to talk about, we laugh, say goodbye on a good note and…. Either that’s where it all ends, or there follows an inarticulate correspondence, which then just as quietens down.
Thoughts come that I am uninitiative and men do not see my interest, but as they write in many sources)))) it is important to show your genuine interest and only by seeing a woman’s interest does a man begin to fall in love.
Sometimes men directly told me “after the date, I realized that you didn’t like me” or something like that.
Either I don’t know how to show this initiative competently... I don’t know how to unobtrusively let a man know that I like him and I want to continue, give the green light and at the same time not look like I’m “running”.
I write some stupid SMS like “hello”, in response I receive the same incomprehensible answer, which I regard as politeness and the fact that the man just wants to get rid of me!
After that, I start to think that I’m completely uninteresting and that I’m only ruining everything with my SMS, so it’s better for me to go into the shadows and not shine.
In principle, most often this is where it all ends.)) I don’t know how to take the first steps and be proactive, and for some reason it seems to me that this is precisely my problem and the reason for my failures. For me, the slightest inattention on the part of a man is enough (I answered the SMS a few hours later) and it seems to me that this is all, a failure, he is not interested in me, what a fool, why did I write! Here’s a recent example: I wrote an SMS and responded the next day, saying I’m sorry, I couldn’t, I was busy... That’s it. I run away in horror, shining my heels with the message “why am I intruding, he turned me off”
The second reason (I don’t know if it’s the reason) is that when I start to “fill myself” with all this travel, knowledge, languages, paintings, books, etc., I sometimes scare men. Those. I’ve come across such comments about myself: “she knows this and has been there, and this and that, but what am I, I’m a simple guy.”

I understand perfectly well that nothing will just fall out of the sky on me and I’m ready to start dating even men who are not very suitable for me (well, everyone has shortcomings, some can be put up with), just get to know each other, communicate and so on. But for some reason this cart doesn’t roll beyond one date...

Many people tell me that men are also shy, that they also think and doubt, sometimes they are timid, sometimes they expect the initiative from a woman, I start to think that I need to take everything into my own hands, I try to do it and do it somehow clumsily. And then I sit and suffer - I shouldn’t have done this, a man should be a conqueror, etc., etc., and so on ad infinitum.
What am I doing wrong? And should I change my behavior?
Thank you!

Any man at least once in his life has heard the phrase “Why didn’t you call me?”, which may be followed by something like “You completely forgot about me, you don’t think about me” or something similar. And I know for sure that the real reason is not at all important to the girl in this situation: the point is that she I was waiting I wanted to call attention, wanted to be necessary, wanted initiatives.

And it’s useless to say that you thought about her literally every minute (which, in general, may be true), that the situation did not allow (but this is not always true - to find a minute to make a phone call just to hear her voice, or you can still use SMS). In general, it is useless to make excuses - to say that he was embarrassed, that he did not want to strain her... And you can offer a thousand more variations of excuses, oh, sorry, answer options. Young woman I waited, and only a man is supposed to wait, it just so happened. And you answer her: “Well, I’m calling now. Exactly I I'm calling you, not the other way around. And I’m not asking why you didn’t call yourself.” And in response: “It doesn’t matter! You neglected me for a whole 2 hours/day/couple of days. You should have called - you’re a man!” Sound familiar?

Personally, my position is this: a man in a relationship with a woman owes exactly as much as he promised. You have to keep your word. He does everything else of his own free will. If you want to object, then change “man” to “woman” and make sure that this is a completely working scheme, which is used by the vast majority of people.

Where did this male debt even come from? From what century? Isn’t it from the place where ladies didn’t smoke at the entrance, where before the wedding they didn’t, where they didn’t use “cool”, “nice”, “hang out”, “get drunk” and so on in conversations, where they didn’t like photos of friends of the opposite sex , where they didn’t go on holiday to Turkey, where they didn’t do anything at all, because it was not accepted, because it was impossible? Maybe I’m the only one who thinks that the world has changed beyond recognition and that now you girls will never behave the same way as you would have behaved a couple of centuries ago? And aren’t you, girls, the ones who so diligently defend equality and prove that you can handle anything? Aren't you demanding independence and freedom? Well, be free in your desires and possibilities! In practice!

Should a girl be weak? Depends on the man who is nearby or who is absent. In any case, this does not prohibit you from making your own decisions. Even if the decisions are at the level of “I want to hear him and therefore I will call myself, and not sit and wait. That’s what I want.” Excuses like “What if he doesn’t want this, what if I interfere with him” are not accepted for the same reasons as the same ones, only from the mouths of men. If you want, do it! If you don't want to, don't do it! But at the same time, you don’t have to blame others for what you yourself do or don’t do. Don't be a hypocrite.

Do you play games? Then be prepared for the fact that they will play with you, and according to rules that will not be explained, and maybe even without rules at all. To the objections “it’s not fair,” I will answer: if you agree to participate in this, then you are happy with it, no matter what you say. It’s like your boyfriend, whom your mother hates deep down, who drinks, who goes to the bathhouse with friends, sends you out periodically, maybe even lightly beats you from time to time, and who last gave you flowers on your last birthday. But you never admit this to your girlfriends because you are ashamed, because perhaps you deserve more and better, but you have what you have and live with it. And he lives with it too. And why? Are you afraid to be alone? Are you afraid of making a mistake? Are you afraid you won't find the best? I don’t understand what you can be so afraid of that you can’t find the strength to move forward or then admit to yourself that you have exactly what you deserve.

Unfortunately, girls in most cases are happy to take initiative only when they don’t like something: when we men don’t live up to their expectations, when something is wrong. AND This initiative is expressed in endless claims and quarrels.

Hey! Are you really not capable of a creative initiative that will surprise, which will give a smile and unforgettable moments, which will allow everything to move even faster on a positive track?

Able! And it works out very well for you as soon as you stop playing and start doing what you really want, and not what men offer you not always so willingly and almost always at the wrong time.

The essence of it all is incredibly simple: no one can prevent you from managing the situation and influencing your life, only inexplicable prejudices and imaginary debts. And in most cases, a man takes initiative only because he sincerely wants the same thing as you, and understands that without his activity he will never get this from you.

That is, you and him will never wait for this.

Try instead of “Why don’t you...?” say “Come on...!”

8 chosen

Even just being the first to talk to a man. Shyness, traumas from the past, stereotypes, lack of self-confidence... How to figure out what's what and overcome it. Or at least try. Our expert, psychologist Maria Pugacheva, will tell us today.

"First, let's look at what happens in nature, suggests Maria Pugacheva. - The male pursues the female, the male is often more attractive and variegated in color in order to attract the attention of the opposite sex, it is he who always “courts” and initiates procreation.”

And if you look at the history of mankind, you can see exactly the same obvious cultural a stereotype that tells us that a woman should not show attention to a man first. A man dominates, he is a hunter, he is a conqueror, therefore he is an initiator. Men went to get married, proposed marriage, a man takes care of the desired woman, and not vice versa. Traditions, classical literature - all this usually shows us that the first step is up to the man, and for a woman this is simply indecent. Let us even remember Tatyana’s notorious letter to Onegin...

Secondly, every woman has your individual stories and your own cases, as well as your own attitude and self-esteem. “Someone, for example, was laughed at in childhood, someone experienced unhappy love and was rejected, someone is embarrassed by their freckles, someone is afraid to say something stupid, and so on.”, explains Maria Pugacheva. All this together creates a certain barrier even just for a banal playful glance towards a man or a normal conversation.

There is an exit

• Analyze where and why you got this embarrassment. Or maybe it's even real fear? Are you dissatisfied with yourself in some way or believe that the other person will not be able to react adequately? Did you have any personal stories or particularly illustrative negative examples before your eyes? “When you get to the reason, try to reduce it all to just a special case of failure, and not to a pattern. And along with all this, remember your successes, victories, remember the successful initiatives of your friends. All this should give you a little strength and confidence.”, advises Maria Pugacheva.
• There is no need to perceive your initiative towards a man as objective, specific attention in his direction and a direct step to get acquainted. This does not mean at all that your initiative should consist in the fact that you will one day approach the guy and say: “I like you, can I get to know you, let’s live together, what will we call our first-born - I’m sure it will be a son”. Exactly the same absolutely not necessarily when coming, for example, to a party to approach handsome men with questions about the time, or comments about music. Smile in a friendly (not inviting!) manner, catching someone’s eye by chance, give a compliment, say, to a tie and move on without imposing a conversation, control the expression of your face: an open, lively look, absence of tension or general dissatisfaction with life (especially if it’s not real concern, but a familiar mask, which for some reason many city residents wear). "You can just send signals that a man will first feel, then notice and become interested in you, and then take it as a green light and take the initiative himself. It’s best to learn such signals from specialized literature on flirting, dating, or training in female attractiveness.”, suggests Maria Pugacheva. Try to start small and you will see that your hidden initiative will immediately bring very interesting results.

Do you take initiative in relationships with men? What advice would you give to those who are shy?

Isn’t it true, many of us dream of a man who will take the initiative in relationships and feelings. Should you wait for his initiative in a relationship with a man?

One of the big women’s misconceptions is that we women expect initiative from a man in relationships and love.
For unknown reasons, we have an image of a strong and determined man who overcomes all obstacles in order to achieve a woman.
And every woman dreams that a man, seeing her and talking to her, will begin to woo her, shower her with gifts of flowers, not give way, call... and thereby melt her cold heart and warm her soul.

Many women expect just such behavior and attitude towards them from a man, while taking a passive position, believing that showing and expressing their feelings is not a woman’s business and does not adorn a woman.
Absolutely right, there is no need to demonstrate your love and show too much initiative.
But...What needs to be done for a man to begin to take initiative in a relationship with a woman?

Let's start with the fact that men are determinedly persistent by nature, and if they want something and feel like they want something, they will really go out of their way to get it.
It follows from this that a woman’s task is to make a man want to make an effort in a relationship and begin to take the initiative.

The female misconception is that a woman thinks that a man should want to get her strongly at one glance at her, just because she exists.
It also happens, but for this you need to look your best in order to really impress the male gaze, but it won’t be about beauty, if there is nothing behind beauty, then interest will quickly pass.

What really attracts a man to a woman, why are men ready to move mountains for some women, while with others they take a passive position?

We are all selfish by nature and each of us, first of all, no matter what we do, wants to get something for ourselves, and for this we are ready to pay at the appropriate rate.

Relationships are no exception; in a relationship, everyone, both man and woman, wants to receive first of all.
A woman wants to feel that she is loved.
And a man wants to gain confidence that he is the most wonderful for this woman, that he is God for her.

If a man has at least once felt this state, that he is GOD for this woman, then when a slight cooling occurs, he will try with all his might to return the feeling of HIMSELF that he experienced next to you.
And it is precisely for this purpose that he will apply all his strength; determination and assertiveness and initiative.

The secret is to create such an atmosphere with a man that he is GOD for you, but this should be a moment, like a light, elusive smell immediately carried away by the wind...

A woman’s big misconception is that she expects a man to take the initiative in relationships and love just because you exist.
It will only happen if you manage to stir his feelings, if you manage to penetrate his heart and soul, if you manage to involve him in the world of feelings and love, if you manage to give him a feeling of his originality, uniqueness and extraordinaryness.

The feeling of its uniqueness cannot be created artificially; it must be felt within oneself.
If you feel this feeling inside for even a moment, a man will catch this state, remember all feelings are contagious.

A man in love is truly capable of much.
But a woman makes a man fall in love with her...

For this, you don’t need to do anything special; for this you need a woman’s inner willingness to let a man into her world and her space, her inner willingness to love and give love to him.

If we analyze the fairy tales, then all the princes went in search of their lovers, overcoming all sorts of obstacles.
How did it happen that the prince began to look for Cinderella?
The youngest son went in search of the frog princess?
Trace the behavior of the heroines.
Did the prince “blow himself up” for no apparent reason to look for Cinderella, or did the youngest son, who was not very lucky in life when he saw the princess, go looking for her at the risk of his life???

Before the moment when the heroes burned with desire, there was a moment when they fell in love, and feeling how Cupid's arrow pierced their hearts, they were even ready to die for the sake of their beloved.

Yes, we women want men to fall in love with us like this? Really?

Cinderella was kind, meek, patient, she was pure in soul, but this is not the most important thing, we have many women like Cinderella, but not all of them meet their princes.
Why?
Most importantly, Cinderella knew what she wanted. She was firmly confident in her desire to go to the ball.
It was only this desire of hers, clearly formulated, that brought her to the palace.

It is very important for a woman to understand what she wants and how she wants it.

When a woman does not have this understanding in a relationship, then her life will be like a ship without a course, which will sometimes end up in a storm.
Only a clear understanding of her desires and corresponding actions will lead a woman to what she wants.
Another important aspect is that Cinderella spent time dancing with the prince, and it was not beauty that struck him, but the aura of love and admiration for HIM that emanated from Cinderella.
And for this, please note, you don’t need to do anything, you don’t need to cook, clean, match a man, satisfy his desires - nothing, just feel inside that he is extraordinary and the best...
When Cinderella disappeared, the prince rushed to find her, he was looking for her to regain his sense of SELF.
Going in search of the frog princess, the youngest son first saw everything that his bride was capable of and saw his beauty.
But that’s not the point; many of us are excellent housewives and craftswomen.
So why don’t all our talents awaken in a man the desire to strive for us?
Not only did he feel her beauty and her abilities, but behind all this he felt how his status in front of his father and older brothers had changed.
The princess, possessing magical power, not only takes care of him, but also shows him in the best light in front of everyone.
Remember how the youngest son was always afraid of shame, that his choice was worse than that of his other brothers; living with them, he was already accustomed to the status of a loser.
The princess made him feel superior to his other brothers for the first time in his life.
He lived with them all the time and felt a certain inferiority, and then this woman raised him so high that for the first time he felt proud of himself, of his importance.

How could he not go looking for her, risking his life?
He wanted to regain this feeling of his importance, because only the presence of the princess could give him this feeling.

If you want a man to start taking the initiative in a relationship, first figure out whether you want this man?
If within you there is love for him and respect with admiration, then let the man feel it, just without imposing or overfeeding him with it.
This must be a moment!!! And you yourself should be in this state!

If you want a man to feel passion for you, you need to burn with it yourself.
If you want a man to treat you like he did in the first month of dating, you yourself need to first awaken these feelings in yourself.

Feelings are contagious, and if the fire of desire burns inside you, a man cannot remain indifferent to it.
Many women believe that a man must awaken this fire.
Many people believe that a man should be the first to light up in love and light a flame in a woman’s heart.
In life, of course, anything can happen and there are a lot of such options, but before a man’s love flares up, a man, at least for a second, feels like GOD with this woman.
It’s not the woman who attracts him, but the feeling of HIMSELF, next to her!!!
For this reason, a man is capable of much.

If you liked this article and think that it can be useful to your friends, share the article, let as many women as possible learn the secrets of seducing men.