Psychological problems in the family after the birth of a child. How to save a family and make it stronger after the birth of a child

The long-awaited moment has arrived in the family - the baby has been born. But along with joy came new worries and sleepless nights. The young mother is very tired, and the father is immersed in solving material problems, which have become even more numerous. Your life will no longer be the same; there is now one more person in the family who requires constant attention. How to deal with all this?

Changes in husband's behavior

Causes

Dreaming of the birth of a baby, the future father could only hardly imagine how this event would actually change his life. Now there are three of them, the wife’s attention is entirely directed to the child, she has no free time at all, her intimate life is clearly lame. But he is a man, how can he compete with a baby! Nevertheless, you want attention, there is no one to make a complaint, and there is no point, you need to hold on, and this can be difficult, because he is also not made of iron. The young dad has a burden of material worries, he must work and pay attention to his family, it’s really difficult for him, he can be understood.

What does it look like

These changes can look different, it all depends on the person’s temperament. One becomes irritable, the second begins to spend more time outside the home, while the third endures everything very steadfastly, but risks collapsing from fatigue.

What to do

To improve relations with her husband, the wife needs to pay attention to him, otherwise the consequences can be unpredictable. To begin with, let him look at the world through his eyes: he works, takes care of his family, hardly rests, and she has no time for him all the time. It would be nice to offer him at least a little rest - let him go to a bar or go fishing with friends. During the short time of his absence, nothing will change radically, but the change of environment will benefit him.

Your husband should feel needed, remind him more often with words and actions that you love him, even the strongest man really needs this. And time will come to your aid - the child will not always be so small and require the constant presence of the mother. Over time, everything will definitely get better!

Changes in wife's behavior

Causes

After an exhausting pregnancy and childbirth, a woman’s body is very weakened and needs to be restored, and with the arrival of a baby in the house, one can only dream of rest. Every 2-3 hours the baby needs to be fed; it is not always possible to rock him to sleep right away; sleepless nights add fatigue and irritation. The woman herself suffers from the fact that she cannot spend as much time with her husband as she would like, but she is also unable to be torn between her child and her beloved man. This period of life is very difficult for her.

What does it look like

Often accumulated fatigue manifests itself in the form of hysterics, tearfulness, and complaints against the husband. This annoys the man, he looks for a way to distract himself, and the wife ends up getting even angrier. She expected support and understanding from her husband; looking at such a reaction, she considers herself lonely and abandoned at a difficult moment.

There are very calm women who keep all their experiences deep within themselves, trying to be strong. Such restraint can play a cruel joke on them, later turning into illness or a nervous breakdown.

What to do

In the first months after childbirth, a woman needs rest most of all. The kindest thing you can do for her is to give her some time alone. Take the stroller for a walk, and at this time it will be able to recover at least a little after sleepless nights or take care of itself. Relieve her of household chores for a day, order pizza, for example, so that she doesn’t have to cook. Your wife will be very grateful to you for such care.

The most important thing is to be patient. Gradually she will recover from childbirth, the baby will grow a little, his sleep pattern will normalize and it will be much easier for both of you.

How to mend broken relationships

It happens that such a joyful event as the birth of a child in a family turns into a crisis for the relationship of the spouses. It is imperative to look for a way out together, because in this situation there is no one to blame, both sides suffer. Try to pay more attention to each other, find time to talk about painful issues, and treat each other’s experiences with understanding.

Joint outdoor recreation or a walk can be of great benefit to the whole family. The main thing is to notice all changes in the mood and behavior of your other half and take timely measures so that the relationship does not deteriorate completely.

How to maintain good relationships

If the birth of a child does not affect your marriage in a negative way, just try to keep the relationship the same. One way or another, the arrival of a baby in the house is a big change in the life of the whole family. Be more attentive to your spouse, sometimes deep inner experiences can be hidden behind external calm. There is never too much love and understanding, and there are no people who do not need it.

Unfortunately, today you can often hear a story about how a woman’s relationship with her husband deteriorated after the birth of a child. This is not to say that this did not happen in the past, but the current scale of this problem is truly frightening. After all, most couples cannot withstand a family crisis, which subsequently leads to constant quarrels and scandals.

Naturally, living in such conditions is difficult, and such an atmosphere has a negative impact on the child’s psyche. So let's talk about why people change after having a baby. What factors influence the atmosphere in the house? And what should you do if your relationship with your husband deteriorates after childbirth?

Having a baby is always stressful

If you think that nine months of pregnancy is a serious test, then you are clearly mistaken. In psychology, there is such a thing as the “one-year crisis.” Its essence lies in the fact that the first year after the birth of a child is the most severe period. It is he who experiences the greatest number of scandals and everyday misunderstandings.

To begin with, it should be noted that this is a completely normal phenomenon. After all, the birth of a child is a big stress for parents, especially if he is their first-born. At the same time, both women and men experience psychological shock. The only problem is that they look at the same things differently. This serves as the basis for the emergence of various kinds of disagreements, and subsequently major quarrels.

And the more time passes, the more clearly the woman realizes the fact that her relationship with her husband has deteriorated. What to do in this case? First of all, you should stop panicking and try to resolve the issue with shouts and reproaches. After all, such behavior will only worsen the current state of affairs. It would be more reasonable to understand what exactly caused the discomfort in the family, and only then begin to correct it.

invisible wall

The fact that the relationship with her husband deteriorated after the birth of the child can be understood by the atmosphere that reigns in the house. Sometimes it seems that an invisible wall is forming between spouses. And the longer they remain inactive, the thicker and rougher it becomes. Therefore, to prevent the problem from developing into a one-year crisis, you should try to solve it immediately after returning from the maternity hospital.

To do this, let's look at the main differences in female and male psychology. What life priorities are more important for each spouse? And why do they so often make unfounded claims to each other?

Features of the female worldview

The woman is the mother. These two words clearly illustrate the essence of girls’ behavior during pregnancy and after it. That is, a woman always puts others first, regardless of her character type and worldview. Naturally, there are exceptions, but in most cases this is what happens.

Therefore, it is not surprising that after the birth of a child, women plunge headlong into caring for their child. For them, it is quite logical that everything should revolve around their baby, since he is the long-awaited fruit of love. This is the maternal instinct, thanks to which our species was able to overcome all the hardships and deprivations of the evolutionary struggle.

The problem is that sometimes girls get too deep into this process. After all, it’s one thing when a child is given a reasonable share of attention, but quite another when the mother stops seeing the rest of the world behind him. Therefore, you need to be able to rein in your love in order to soberly assess the required amount of care.

Mischievous hormones

The first months after childbirth are the hardest. The reason for this is hormonal instability and postpartum malaise of the body. This leads to the fact that the mood, like a carousel, then rises and then falls into the abyss again. Such changes affect a woman’s psyche, making her less resistant to conflict.

Therefore, it is not surprising that on such days even a small quarrel can bring a girl to a nervous breakdown. Not to mention the fact that every trifle becomes a reason for it. Of course, in a few months her mood will return to normal, but during this time the family crisis can reach the point where serious problems will follow.

Egocentrism of men

To say that all men are selfish is wrong. But at the same time, they are not inclined to such dedication as women, because of this they constantly think about who is in charge in the house. Therefore, at best, they perceive the child as an equal, and at worst, they put themselves in first place. Consequently, they do not perceive situations well when they are deprived of their usual care and love.

Simply put, they begin to feel jealous of their child. Naturally, she is not as evil as in the case of a male competitor, but she is still there. This perception of the world leads to the fact that the spouse begins to involuntarily seek confirmation that he is being deprived or somehow ignored. At the same time, any little things are taken into account: how many times they said a kind word to him, whether they fed him in the morning, whether they smiled back, and so on.

It’s clear that such thoughts will soon develop into resentment and then burst out. First, the husband will begin to make reproaches, then raise his voice, and it will all end in a huge scandal. And then the young dad will no longer want to control his emotions, and such skirmishes will be repeated more and more often.

At this moment he should be stopped by explaining the real state of affairs. Firstly, they didn’t stop loving him, it’s just that now these feelings have moved to a new level, more complex and demanding. Secondly, such behavior will not lead to anything good, since a harmonious relationship cannot be built on jealousy and scandals.

Man and sex

Girls and boys have different life priorities. So, for the former, feelings and mutual understanding are the key to a happy marriage. But for men, sex is added to this list. After all, they cannot imagine their family life without him. The trouble is that during pregnancy they are protected from most bodily pleasures, which certainly leads to sexual hunger.

The only thing that consoled them was dreams of normalcy. Alas, in most cases their hopes are dashed to ashes. This can be explained by the fact that while breastfeeding women are not particularly in the mood for sex. Such a mechanism is inherent in nature, and nothing can be done about it.

However, men do not understand this. Consequently, they begin to blame their “hunger” on their wives, as if they are deliberately denying them intimacy. Again, such thoughts sooner or later result in reproaches, which clearly do not improve the atmosphere in the house. Therefore, you need to avoid long breaks in sex, even if the woman does not yet feel the former fervor and passion.

Difficulty of the first year

Another important factor influencing this is fatigue. In the first year, the child is capricious from morning to night, thereby adding fuel to the fire. And the worst thing is that nothing can be done about it, because at this age children still cannot control their behavior.

All that remains is to realize: the problem is not that the child wakes up at night and wakes up everyone around, but that you have not yet adapted to this. You need to adjust yourself to the fact that these are only temporary inconveniences that are needed for the greater good. This is the only way to strengthen your spirit and survive these difficult times.

Inaction is not an option

Regardless of why the relationship with your husband deteriorated after the birth of the child, inaction will be the worst way to solve this problem. After all, the longer the invisible wall is between you, the more difficult it is to destroy it. That is why psychologists recommend starting as early as possible.

In this case, it does not matter who is in charge in the house. What is more important is who takes the first step towards each other. But again, men are less flexible in this matter, so the role of parliamentarian often falls to a woman. The reason for this behavior lies in the fact that representatives of the stronger half of humanity are accustomed to seeing themselves as warriors made of flint. And it’s not good for them to show sentimentality and get lost over trifles.

Of course, this situation does not entirely suit women, since they have to give up their pride. But in this case, we are talking about preserving the family, and therefore you will have to choose between the common good and your ambitions. In addition, in the future, men will also have to do a lot of work in order to achieve harmony in the family.

It all starts with a conversation

The first step is the most difficult, because at this moment the heart is overcome by doubts about how the other person will perceive it. But you need to understand that waiting torments the soul in the same way, and maybe even more. Therefore, you should not put off the conversation with your husband, but go straight to the core of the problem.

When talking with your loved one, you must rely on the following rules:

• First, the dialogue must be two-way. That is, an atmosphere should be achieved in which both parties talk about their problems, experiences and concerns.
• Secondly, it is necessary to maintain warmth in the words. Remember: this is a conversation between two people in love, and not negotiations between countries that have been at war with each other for centuries.
• Third, don't hide anything. Even a small secret or reproach can lead to this situation repeating itself again in the future.

The place for conversation itself is also important. It would be best to create an atmosphere of romance so that an aura of peace and love hovers around. In this case, it is recommended to exclude alcohol, since in this case it is more likely to harm the conversation than lead to positive results. But delicious food, on the contrary, contributes to the development of dialogue, because it’s not for nothing that all diplomatic missions are accompanied by magnificent banquets and feasts.

The first pitfall

The trouble is that not every young dad is ready to discuss his problems. Again, the culprit is the warrior syndrome, which forces men to be an impregnable rock. Such emotional stability, on the one hand, attracts, and on the other, it makes you think that your spouse is a real log.

In this case, it will be difficult to solve the problem by talking, since the husband may simply brush them aside. But you can’t give up; you need to constantly push the man to this issue, hinting at its importance. You can use any tricks, from a smile to a tempting offer to discuss everything in bed.

It should be understood that conversation is the basis of everything. Only he will help you understand why your relationship with your husband deteriorated. After the birth of a child, there are a lot of such factors, and therefore they cannot be determined in any other way.

There are three of us now

Many parents try to adapt to the arrival of children by living by the old rules. The truth is that this method constantly fails because it is designed for only two people. But now the family has grown, which means it’s time to make changes to the usual lifestyle. Above all, you should focus on the following principles:

1. Everyone deserves attention. The child is almost always capricious, but this does not mean that you need to devote all your free time to him. Learn to set aside a few hours to be alone, in a loving atmosphere. This will unite your family and prevent it from bursting like a balloon.
2. No screaming in the house. Naturally, it will not be possible to avoid all scandals, but you can reduce them to a minimum. Just agree that for some time you will refrain from high-tone and mutual reproaches. Remember: this behavior not only strengthens the marriage, but also has a beneficial effect on your child’s psyche.
3. Mirror effect. The essence of this principle is to regularly put yourself in your partner's shoes. Think about how difficult his day was, what he is missing, and how you would behave if you were in his place.
4. Full-fledged parents. You shouldn’t raise a child alone, because a man is a father. The child wakes up at night - take turns putting him to bed, busy in the kitchen - let him watch the crib, his throat hurts - let him sing a lullaby in his bass voice.
5. Seek help from others. Often young couples run until they are exhausted only because they do not have the courage to ask their relatives for help. Of course, there are grandparents who are afraid to leave their children with. But remember that you are also living people, and you need time for yourself.

Paternal instinct

It just so happens that in women, the maternal instinct turns on immediately after childbirth. However, things are different for men. In order to reach their subconscious, it takes time and a special approach, otherwise they may develop subconscious jealousy towards their child.

So, how to awaken a man's primal instincts? In fact, everything is quite simple: you need to leave him alone with your son or daughter as often as possible. But for some reason, most mothers are afraid to take this step. They are sure that this will lead to irreparable consequences, as if this is not their man, but some kind of animal.

But the truth is that fathers cope with their responsibilities no worse than mothers. The only thing is that they need more time for training, since they have to learn everything from scratch. Here it is important to fully support your spouse and, if necessary, give small hints. And soon dad will not only forget about jealousy, but will also become a real helper for mom.

Carrot and stick method

Remember the courtship period? When a man gives a girl a lot of flowers and gifts, and she worships him for this and gives him her affection. So, the first year after the birth of a child should be perceived as a period of courtship in the sense that you need to return the former tenderness to the relationship. A woman is required to care not only for her child, but also for her man. Naturally, in such a period this is a difficult task, but no one said that it would be easy. Therefore, the wife must do everything possible to show her husband her love and that she has not changed after joining the family.

However, if the girl shows concern, and the guy does not reciprocate her feelings, then it’s time to move on to the whip. That is, remove from family life all those joys that inspire a man. At the same time, the reason for this behavior should be indicated so that he knows why this happens. By the way, men do not understand hints well, so it is better to speak directly, explaining what exactly does not suit the girl. In this way, you will be able to save time and avoid possible misunderstandings and joint grievances.

If the relationship is at an impasse

Alas, it is not always possible to solve the problem of a damaged relationship with the help of conversations and feminine tricks. Sometimes it happens that a married couple has come to the brink from which it is difficult to return back. And then the only right decision is to go to a psychologist. The only trouble is that in our country such methods are considered ineffective.

But believe me, this is the decision that will help save your family. After all, a good specialist is able not only to listen, but also to give the necessary advice. By performing them, the couple themselves will not notice how life will begin to acquire bright colors again. Therefore, it is worth throwing aside all stereotypes and starting to solve problems the way they deserve. After all, not only the fate of the family depends on this, but also what kind of future the child will have.

The birth of a child is a joyful and exciting event in the family. But not only. This is another serious test of strength for a married couple. The appearance of a newborn in the house breaks the usual way of life. Marital relationships after having a baby inevitably transform, and very often - towards cooling.

How relationships change after the birth of a child

With the arrival of a tiny, defenseless creature from the maternity hospital, the spouses have to get used to a new unfamiliar role - parenthood. The addition of the roles of mother and father leads to a change in the relationship between husband and wife. A woman learns to be both an attentive wife and a loving mother at the same time. The man is a caring husband and patient dad. Juggling different roles and quickly switching between them is not an easy task.

For a young mother, a baby is the center of the universe. Caring for a newborn requires maximum effort from her. There is almost no time left for other household chores and rest. The husband moves to the periphery: the attention, care, and affection of his wife no longer belong to him. After work, what awaits him is not a quiet evening with dinner, computer, TV, but a crying baby and burdensome care procedures.

The increased burden that has fallen on the shoulders of new parents causes tension in their relationships and becomes a source of resentment, disappointment, and crises.

Psychologists have figured out the main causes of conflicts between young parents:

• psychological unpreparedness for parenthood,
• difference in views on childbirth,
• misunderstanding due to ignorance - lack of information about the specifics of the postpartum period,
• physical and emotional fatigue of the mother.

Psychological unpreparedness for parenthood

A crisis situation often arises if too little time has passed between the newlyweds meeting and the birth of the child or pregnancy was not part of the immediate plans. One of the parents (usually a young father) treats the birth as an annoying event and considers himself a hostage to the situation. Hence the rejection of the child, the reluctance to help the wife.

Problems in relationships can also arise in families where the baby was eagerly awaited. If future parents imagined life at home with their child too romantically, disappointment cannot be avoided.

Difference of Views

Usually cooling begins on the part of the husband. Not surprisingly, men and women perceive the appearance of a child in a family differently.

The child is present in the mother's life from conception. After his birth, a woman psychologically considers him to be her continuation, a part of herself. Physiologically, the maternal instinct is triggered - an innate program of biological attachment to the child. Oxytocin and prolactin, motherhood hormones, are released into the blood. The production of sexual desire hormones is suppressed. The desire to be a mother comes to the fore - this is how nature “magnetizes” a woman to her own child. Mom completely occupies herself with the children's worries.

It is more difficult for a father than a mother to change his lifestyle. Nature did not provide for the paternal instinct; its hormonal levels before and after the birth of the baby are constant. The head of the family cannot be envied - he is forced to bear double duty: he takes care of material security and helps care for the baby, who has taken all the attention of his wife. A man develops a feeling of being useless and unimportant.

Dad needs to know: arguing with the laws of nature is pointless. The unity of mother and baby does not threaten his position, and jealousy of the child is inappropriate.

Mom should not be offended by the initial lack of paternal feelings and delight at the sight of the baby. Everything has its time. Dad and baby will begin to love and understand each other a little later, in the process of communicating and mastering the world around them. The father's reluctance to care for the baby may come from confusion and inability. Or it was not accepted in the husband's family. It has been established: developmental effects literally from the first days of life. Mom should delicately involve dad in care, doing procedures together at first.

The first-born appeared in the family. Often this event brings incredible joy, however, it cannot be done without difficulties. Relationships after the birth of a child are often tested under the influence of new circumstances. Sleepless nights, stress, acute lack of time and other distribution of responsibilities bring a lot of misunderstandings, resentments and complaints into a marriage.

The first year of life becomes the most difficult for both, when something begins to break down and form into new structures. Under these conditions, the changes affect both parents, otherwise the entire load will fall on only one side, which will be impossible for her to cope with. Life is changing beyond recognition, and you need to be prepared for this.

The crisis after the birth of a child often leads to the destruction of feelings and subsequent divorce, so it is worth making a lot of effort to save the marriage. And it’s not easy to save a family, but also to build a state of goodwill and mutual support in it. Moreover, this directly affects the development of the baby and the formation of the child’s psyche, as well as models of family connections in adulthood. What can be done to prevent the crisis in the family from becoming permanent? How to even out emotions, correctly distribute responsibilities and feel like not only parents of another life, but happy people?

So, family relationships after the birth of a child undergo changes and often deteriorate. It turns out that the nine months of pregnancy are not so difficult as the so-called crisis of one year: this period is the most difficult and severe, it is at this time that a huge number of quarrels and scandals occur, an order of magnitude more than at any other time.

And this is a normal condition, which is alarming only because of its novelty and the parents’ inability to adapt.

The firstborn always brings chaos, fears and concerns into a marriage, new threats to well-being and misunderstanding: why he cries, what he wants, what hurts. The relationship between spouses after the birth of a child experiences psychological shock. And the fact that they see the same problems differently also becomes an additional stumbling block.

At first, minor disagreements, which then develop into serious misunderstandings. And the wife, first of all, needs to understand that panic is not the best assistant in building a marriage, and stop hurling reproaches towards her spouse herself. A rational approach will help to identify the cause of disputes and calmly eliminate or circumvent it.

Reasons for disagreement

What could be the reasons why family relationships change so much after the birth of a child:

• different views on education and value systems;
• various everyday problems arising from new responsibilities, as well as from previous ones, which must now be distributed differently;
• fatigue of parents, which is very strong now: night feedings, crying of the baby and other joys;
• conflicts arising due to the intervention of relatives - grandparents, whose educational methods are very different from yours;

The companion is still too weak, and tired parents can hardly find the strength to get up in the morning, and most importantly, so many unusual things appear. And the problem will be solved when mom and dad get used to it and learn to live differently.

The husband believes that after the birth of the baby, the relationship with his wife deteriorated precisely because of the appearance of another object of her attention and love. Yes, men are jealous by nature, and even towards their own offspring they experience this not so noble feeling. Male egocentrism shows the baby's father as a competitor, albeit not in such a harsh form as an adult man, but enough to see this as a consumer of women's feelings.

A man should always be the first in the house, and when someone else appears, he automatically becomes the opposition. After this, the spouse sees in every gesture, in every spoon of porridge, a deprivation of benefits and the provision of these benefits as additional benefits to his competitor. Moreover, every little detail turns out to be important, acquiring significant proportions. Such observations will soon develop into resentment, then into reproaches. And the longer the young dad endures, the louder the scandal will arise later.

Understanding can be restored if the wife can show that she has not stopped loving now, that the feelings have become different, but they are there. And that in order to achieve harmony in family life, you need to accept this, because jealousy and scandals will not lead to good things.

A crisis in a relationship after the birth of a child is often also associated with sex life, or rather, with its absence. It is known that sex plays a fundamentally greater role for men than for women. And so she has to endure nine months of pregnancy, and now, when so much of it seems to be behind her, the problem remains the same - she doesn’t want to. But family life without intimate life does not improve, and time has passed and so too long for any celibacy. And he dreamed so much that after giving birth he would be able, if not to make up for lost time, then at least to get what he expected. But it was not there…

Breastfeeding will discourage any mother, it’s nature, and there’s nothing you can do about it. And men consider such a refusal as intentional harm, and, possibly, revenge for something - deprivation of access to the body. And again there is a reason for insults, reproaches, claims. Therefore, no matter how hard it is for a female representative, she also has to step on the throat of her own song in this area and teach herself to experience passion and desire again. In the name of preserving love in marriage.

Postpartum depression

It is very difficult for a partner, on the one hand, to adapt to a new role - mother. She, like no one else, changes almost everything about herself, from physiology to thinking. On the other hand, it is easier for her to accept the little man - they lived together for nine months more than the most caring father, so she does not need to learn to understand and accept him as a third participant in life. Therefore, it is not surprising that a child becomes the main meaning of a woman’s life for a long period of time, and for some especially restless ones - for the rest of their lives.

The new mother completely immerses herself in the process of care and guardianship, forgetting about those around her, including her offended husband.

The most difficult thing for some wives is to remember that she is the wife of her partner, and love must be properly given to everyone.

Nevertheless, the postpartum period is very difficult for the wife. The hormonal background is unstable, the body has not yet fully recovered from physical overload. This greatly affects the psyche, making it fragile and vulnerable. Any little thing can lead her to a nervous breakdown. And it is very important to go through these days with the understanding that this will not always be the case, that this will pass, and days of harmony and peace will come. The main thing is not to break now what may happen in the future. Postpartum depression will go away over time if you treat it carefully. It is especially difficult for those who have no one to rely on or who do not understand.

The symptoms are as follows:

• Fatigue.
• Increased irritability.
• Constant worry - about your condition and prospects, about the future of your beloved.
• A feeling of unreality of what is happening around.
• Feeling depressed.
• Periodic panic attacks.
• A sharp decrease in appetite, including sexual appetite.
• Sleep problems arise that were not there before.
• Helplessness in managing household chores. There are too many new things that are easy to forget and things that are already familiar.
• Sometimes there is a loss of love for the baby. For a normal mother, this is associated with a feeling of guilt for this.
• Many wives are afraid of becoming bad mothers, and this constant anxiety depresses them greatly.

All this takes a severe form for many. The causes of postpartum depression may be hidden in heredity, complete lack of attention from a partner, one’s own childhood without the affection and care of the mother, due to constant hormone surges. The birth could have been premature, which also negatively affects women’s well-being and aggravates depression. And after all, this could be a natural reaction to motherhood - it is also a difficult process.

How to cope

It is very important for a lady to learn to relax as soon as she notices signs of this disease in herself. Do not try to relax through alcohol, unlimited amounts of sweets or smoking. This can only harm the little one and will not solve the problems of the mother herself. You can use one of the tips below:

• Replace your usual coffee, tea or other drinks containing caffeine with soothing herbal drinks - chamomile or mint tea, for example.
• Give yourself at least fifteen minutes of rest, for example, when the child is sleeping. Reading will be a good way to unload yourself.
• Go out into the garden with your child and work a little on the ground with the plants.
• Finding a great comedy and watching it will certainly lift your spirits, and a smile will relax your facial muscles and relieve the initial stress, at least for a short while.
• Take a walk in picturesque places, breathe in the air and admire the views.
• Yoga is a great way to ground yourself, clear your head and slow down your life.
• A bath with sedatives, oils or salt, with quiet relaxing music - it will take little time, but will be a great way to switch from anxiety to peace;
• Do something together with your partner.

A man can also take part in his wife’s recovery. If there are fewer nagging, reproaches, and complaints on his part - and more love and attention, it will be easier for the wife to cope with raging hormones. He can also take on some of the troubles and care for the baby, and can help her around the house - there is nothing wrong with such a distribution of responsibilities. This will give your friend at least a little more time for herself, allow her to sleep and relax. And a very effective way to relieve some of the lady’s sorrows and nerves will be spending time together - however, this time should not be perceived only as reserved for sex, especially if she is not ready yet.

Help from relatives

In the first year after the baby is born, you can become much closer to your mother. Now, more than ever, you will be able to understand your mother, appreciate her works and concerns, finding yourself on an equal footing with her. But relationships with mother-in-law after birth may worsen. However, this is very individual and significantly depends on what they were like at the very beginning, in the time before his appearance.

Many parents actively help the young couple raise an heir. It is important for one side to carefully and carefully accept care, understanding that behind it lies love and warmth, even if they do not manifest themselves exactly as they would like, and in some way contradict their own idea of ​​the educational process. And at the same time, it is important to help the other side, but not to impose your positions and opinions, not to try to replace real parents, realizing your own sense of significance or unfulfilled hopes.

1. Talk through the problems that have arisen and discuss how they can be solved so that everyone remains in an advantageous position.
2. Your spouse needs to hear from you exactly what you want and what help you need from him. These requests need to be formulated specifically and clearly; he should not guess from the slightest hints about your desires.
3. Accept help from others, do not isolate yourself either in your pride (I can handle it myself!) or in your sacrifice. You are surrounded by relatives, friends, just people who care about you. Learn to accept their support, delegate to someone else things that you don’t necessarily need to do.
4. A sling is a big help for mom. It provides freedom of your mobility, and at the same time strengthens the connection with the baby - the mother is always nearby.
5. Do not accumulate negativity, discuss the reason for their appearance, try to make them angry - beat a pillow, vacuum the room, do exercises. The way you solved this problem before may still be effective later.
6. The first year of your child's life is not the time for big changes in your life. Moving, changing jobs, serious decisions - put it off until later, when life becomes more familiar in the new scenery. Your normal state now should be harmonious.
7. Your partner is the baby's father, don't forget that. Transfer the care of him to his father, help him learn to be one - for a start, at least learn to calm the first-born.
8. Go for a walk without your baby at least once a week, on your own. When you became a mother, you did not stop being a lady, even if it’s hard to remember now. Place your child in the care of a young father - and enjoy the air, bird songs and sun.
9. Step into your loved one's shoes. Try to understand his emotions and way of thinking. The fact that it is also difficult for your companion, although in a different way than for you.
10. Share your joy, not just your troubles and worries. Don’t burden your worries, dilute negativity and irritation with joyful thoughts and emotions. Tell us about what your son has done and what he has learned.
11. It is worth remembering and emphasizing that the child is not his or yours, it is shared. Learn to say this automatically so that your partner hears it all the time and accepts it himself. Emphasize the similarities in them, what the baby already does like his father, how exactly he resembles his partner. A man should be involved in the baby not only in words, but also in deeds and in thoughts.
12. Find time to be alone with your loved one. Come up with rituals in which you both participate. You can do this with children in the next room: drink tea in the evening, get a massage, touch with your hand.
13. Enlist your spouse to help. It should not depreciate; do not try to take it upon yourself and steadfastly carry your cross, making claims to your companion. Even if he does something differently than you think is necessary, allow him to do it. Next time he will do it correctly himself. And don't forget to say thank you!
14. Give your partner personal space.

To accept the changed state, the old one must collapse. This is what is happening in marriage now.

The most important thing for a person is relationships. Everyone wants to love and be loved. We build different relationships with different people. And always, remembering something from the past, we remember precisely the people and the feelings that were associated with them. And the most important relationship for everyone is the relationship in the family and especially between a man and a woman.

As we grow up, we study many sciences at school and college. Much knowledge will never be useful to us in life. But you must admit, we all want to have a happy family, but no one teaches us this. And we have a lot of unhappy people and a large number of divorces and children who grow up in single-parent families.

And in this article we will talk about family life after the birth of a child, namely about the first 6 months.

In psychology, the first year of a child’s life is considered a crisis for the family. And it is true. At first, the family consists of two people - husband and wife. They have a familiar way of life and interactions with each other. They share all the love and care between two. After the birth of a child, their usual way of life changes dramatically because the family structure has changed. There were two people, but there were three. New roles have appeared - mom and dad. And it is already necessary to divide love and attention into three.

What does a man need to understand?

In my opinion, nature planned it so cleverly that already during pregnancy the couple has to gradually change their interaction. The woman becomes capricious, has a changeable mood, constantly wants something, behaves like a small child. And who will satisfy these whims? Of course, a man. Therefore, already at this stage, a man must learn that now he will take more care of his wife and child, and at first will receive much less attention from his wife. But rarely does anyone draw such conclusions and are ready for such a turn of events; rather, men think that a child is about to be born and all this will end. But in fact, after the baby is born, things only get worse. The child requires a lot of attention, especially from the mother, the mother feels tired, and the man feels abandoned. As a result, a lot of irritation accumulates and complaints arise. And if nothing changes, then a man can look for love and care somewhere else.

Very often couples come to us, together or separately, with precisely these problems: there is no mutual understanding, love has faded, a lot of irritation has accumulated. To the question: “when did it all start?” the answer is: with the birth of the child.

How to avoid misunderstandings?

First of all, you need to accept the fact that it will never be the same. All love and care will now be divided into three. To do this, you need to talk and discuss new ways of interaction that can satisfy both partners. The less a couple communicates and discusses conflicts that have arisen, the worse the relationship becomes. A man and a woman should be more flexible in communication and be able to negotiate as the situation changes. The child grows and the woman gradually gets more free time for herself and to pay attention to her partner.

Often men during this period do not understand their role and simply feel unnecessary. But it's just the opposite. The role of a man is very important. How he can take care of the woman depends on how much she can provide proper attention to the child and, accordingly, the period of adaptation to the changed conditions will be so much easier.

What does a woman need to know?

Already during pregnancy, a woman begins to take care of the unborn child, satisfying her needs for food and sleep. A woman begins to synchronize all her plans with her well-being.

What does a woman have to face after giving birth to a child?

1. A lot of changes occur in a woman’s body - the whole body is reconstructed to a new regime. For some women, this happens almost unnoticed, but most often the woman experiences a number of inconveniences: mood swings, increased sensitivity, chest pain, chronic lack of sleep, fatigue, etc. Every woman can add to this list. The most serious condition is postpartum depression.

2. A woman does not belong to herself, but is completely absorbed by the child and is forced to live by his rules. And often this irritates her very much.

What can help a woman?

The most important thing is to understand why she is doing all this. What's the goal?

Many people probably already know that the period from 0 to 3 years is the most important for a child. Everything that happens to a child during this period will affect his personality in the future. Will he grow up to be self-confident or not, will it be easy to build close relationships, will he trust the world, etc. And since the mother, during this period, occupies the most important role for the child, then her actions largely determine what the child will learn for himself. If a mother realizes this high goal, then she becomes stronger. But if the mother simply thinks that her task is to change diapers, feed, and put her to bed, then very quickly the woman will become exhausted and will be in chronic irritation. And this will certainly affect the relationship between spouses.

Another difficulty a woman faces is worrying about whether she is a good mother.

What does it mean to be a good mother?

After the birth of a child, a woman is usually surrounded by many people who give advice on how to care for the child. Few of them have actually studied this issue; most likely, they simply have their own opinion, which they, out of the kindness of their hearts, want to convey. And often these opinions differ among different mothers. After which the woman has the feeling that she is a bad mother: after all, everyone knows what to do, but she doesn’t.

One becomes a good mother not by studying maternity manuals, but by one’s own, natural understanding of the role of a mother.

D. Winnicott introduced the concept of a “good enough mother” - this is the mother who establishes a close connection with the child. This allows him to feel safe and explore the world. And if a mother really builds a close connection with her child, then for her there is no question of what is right and what is wrong. She feels what her child needs and acts based on her feelings.

Conclusions.

With the birth of a child, the structure of the family changes.

The child requires a lot of attention and the woman feels tired and exhausted.

A man plays a very important role, because thanks to his care and support, a woman can pay due attention to the child.

Advice from a psychologist on how to improve relationships after the birth of a child:

• Discuss new possible behaviors with your partner.
• Tell your husband what he can do for you. As specific as possible and in the form of a request
• Learn to ask for help from other people: mother, mother-in-law, girlfriends, sisters, etc. You should devote maximum time to your child, and entrust all other housework to someone else.
• Use a sling to carry your baby. This will allow you to quickly establish a connection with your child and you will have the opportunity to do some things with him.
• If negative feelings (anger, irritation) accumulate, do not suppress them, think about what caused them and discuss it with your partner.
• Do not plan big changes at this time (moving, changing jobs, etc.). Nothing should disturb your harmony.
• Give your husband the opportunity to sometimes calm the baby himself.
• A woman should go for a walk without her child at least once a week.

about the author

Master of Psychology, psychotherapist in the Gestalt approach. I specialize in working with fears, panic attacks, and anxiety disorders. Helping to increase self-esteem and self-confidence