Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Lyrics (lyrics) Loc Dog - Forgiving does not mean believing (feat

“Forgiveness does not mean forgetting; to forgive means to say with compassion, with pain in the soul: when the Last Judgment comes, I will stand up and say: do not judge him, Lord” (Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh).

Someone screams in despair: “I will never forgive this!”, someone almost cries: “I want to forgive so bad, but I can’t do it,” and someone is sincerely convinced that they have forgiven everyone, especially, for example, because Today is Forgiveness Sunday, but he himself walks around and radiates resentment, torments others with this and sacredly believes in his forgiveness. It is impossible to find a person who has never been offended or offended in his life. We carry a lot of wounds and pain within us, and their number usually does not decrease over the years.

You're a Christian!

During confession, a person hears: “First forgive, and then come,” “You are a Christian, how can you go to God if you have not forgiven your brother,” and finds himself in an extremely unenviable position. Because it is impossible to forgive by an act of will. Forgiveness can be very difficult - and this is an important truth. For years and decades, sometimes it doesn’t work out, and this is provided that the person really wants to forgive, he himself suffers from his resentment, does not want it in himself, but it still does not go away.

If you are honest with yourself and realize what is happening to you, then you know for sure that when it hurts, no matter how much you say “forgive” to yourself, it does not get easier. And maybe it gets even harder! The internal conflict between the demand to forgive and the real impossibility of doing so is intensifying - I must, and since I can’t, then who am I after that!

Added to the resentment is a feeling of guilt, which in the worst cases leads a person to despair, experiencing the impossibility of turning to God - “first forgive, and then come.”

Forgiveness is not an act, but a process, and the process is often lengthy. And what matters is whether we are in this process or are we stagnant? Are we stewing in our emotions, in the desire to take revenge, to punish, to restore justice, or are we still on the path to forgiveness, do we still want to free ourselves?

I can’t forgive – what should I do?

Let's consider five important conditions for forgiveness, a kind of hints along the way, sometimes they can be considered as stages. There are other aspects to forgiveness, but this article discusses just a few of them.

FIRST: honesty and awareness. The truth is that I'm offended

Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh wrote that

“To forgive does not mean to forget,” to forgive means to look at a person as he is, in his sin, in his unbearability, and say: “I will carry you like a cross, I will carry you to the Kingdom of God, if you want that.” or not, whether you are good or evil, I will take you on my shoulders and bring you to the Lord and say: Lord, I have carried this man all my life, because I felt sorry for him if he died. Now forgive him for my forgiveness.”

The important idea for us here is: Forgiveness does not mean forgetting.

“Forgetting” can be a kind of deception, because sometimes the truth is that the other has actually done something wrong.

Sometimes it is important not to try to forget about it, but on the contrary, to remember what a person’s weakness, sin, what’s wrong with, and not tempt him with this, but protect him, not subject him to temptation, giving reasons to do something bad, knowing his weakness place.

This may be a high bar, but there is a message in these words that is very powerful for the topic of forgiveness: we should not force ourselves to think that the offender is a wonderful person. Our forgiveness does not depend at all on its goodness or badness. Whether we forgive or not depends on us.

In the Lord's Prayer we say: “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” The key word for our topic now - “debtors” - means that I admit that evil has been done to me, that I am very hurt, that I may have a lot of anger at the offender and self-pity. I don’t close my eyes, I don’t say that everything is fine and you didn’t do anything, you’re actually a saint. This will not be true.

So, It is important to see the truth about others, but even more important is an honest and informed look at yourself. First, I need to realize that I am offended and be able to admit it to myself. If we do not see our offense, it blocks movement on the path of forgiveness.

I remember one woman who once said an amazing thing: “I was recently told that, it turns out, it’s a sin to be offended - well, now I’m not offended.” This is said by a person with whom it is incredibly difficult for her loved ones to be around, because she literally radiates resentment from her skin, but does not admit it at all. Doesn't admit it sincerely.

Lack of awareness of one’s feelings, especially resentment, leads to a wide range of psychosomatic diseases, because when the soul does not experience, the body begins to experience instead. There is no problem in consciousness - stagnation, a dead end sets in for the soul, because nothing can be done. Repressed feelings go into the body and into the unconscious and from there continue to make themselves felt.

How to learn to realize your resentment? If the offense is fresh, then you can stop, take a “freeze frame”: “So, what is happening to me now? I'm offended. I am angry. On whom? For what reason? What exactly irritates me? What exactly offends me? This does not mean that you should immediately run to the offender to investigate, but it is important to talk everything through with yourself honestly.

A believer can express his feelings or his misunderstanding of feelings in the face of God. Just don’t hypocritically read nice prayers from the prayer book about forgiveness and non-condemnation if your heart is full of anger and condemnation at that moment.

It is better to try to appear as honestly as possible before God as you are now: “Lord, You see how I am now filled with anger and anger, resentment and indignation. You see that sometimes I would even be ready to kill this person. But I don’t want this in myself. And I can't do anything. You yourself come and do something, because I simply can’t do anything anymore.”

The more honest the better. The Lord loves sincere(in Russian translation) with my heart(Ps. 50:6), one should not think that it is shameful and indecent to go to God with such things. What else should you go with? Always only with gratitude and peace in your soul? But without Him we cannot do anything - this is very important to recognize. It is in weakness that we especially need the One who can transform us.

In the life of Bishop Anthony: as a child, he was offended by someone, came to the priest and said: “I can’t forgive him - how can I pray? what to do?". The priest replied: “Do not read these words yet: “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” A good example of honesty in prayer, which we are talking about now.

A separate difficult question is whether you need to talk about your feelings to the offender. There are different circumstances. The offender himself may be touchy; he may not hear or understand anything. “Do not rebuke a blasphemer, lest he hate you; rebuke a wise man, and he will love you” (Prov. 9:8). If you make up your mind, speak only when you come to your senses, that is, in a calm, peaceful state, without blaming, about yourself, about your feelings. If you are in a passion, in hatred, your fists are clenched, etc., then it is better to remain silent for now.

SECOND: the desire to forgive. I am NOT a dumpster. I have the garbage dump, and I don’t want it in me

In the above version of the address to God there were the words “ I this in itself I don’t want to,” and this is a very important aspect of any repentance, incl. on the path to forgiveness.

First, a certain evil is discovered in oneself (I am offended, I want to take revenge, etc.). Then it is important to separate him from himself, to disidentify the person and the action, the person and his feelings ( I does not equal sin, my essence is not reduced to this offense, there is offense I have). And then the desire to get rid of it (I don’t want this in myself). Without these three components it is difficult to move forward.

If you find that you DO NOT want to forgive, do not be afraid, it is better to calmly separate yourself from your experience, realize that I am not my offense, nor my sin. My unforgiveness is not who I am. If I have there is unforgiveness, this Not means that I am an unforgiving person, I am such a walking insult. I have all sorts of garbage dumps, but I am not a garbage dump, I am God’s most precious child (identity is essential for resentment and forgiveness).

This is a very important distinction. Because only then can you honestly say to God: “here is my trash, here I am dragging it to you now. Look. But this is not me. Because my truth is that I don’t want this. My whole being resists. I don’t want to be offended, but this trash of mine torments me, and I carry it around and can’t leave it. Do something with her already!”

This important attitude, when we understand that resentment is not my essence, helps us take a step towards liberation. Both psychologically and spiritually, too, because it is not my resentment that goes to meet with God, but I, as a person, carry this basket of mine, this urn, to prayer, to confession.

This saves you from despair when a person gives up: “I am a garbage dump, there is no forgiveness for me! I am so-and-so!” But this is not true. The garbage dump doesn't go to pray. You, as an individual, will go and carry your trash, praying for deliverance.

We all know: “Judge not, lest ye be judged.” But no one thinks about the fact that don’t judge yourself, too! After all, as I judge myself, I will also judge my neighbor. If I am a dump, and he is even worse than me... A vicious circle. Therefore, it is especially important to have a respectful, value-based attitude towards yourself. And how I treat myself, the same way I treat others and God - but this is a topic for another conversation.

THIRD: trying to understand the other. See beyond your nose

Third step: trying to understand the other, decentering. To get out of the circle of resentment towards forgiveness, you need to break away from your experiences at least for a short time and think about why the other person did this. In resentment, we are very focused on ourselves: I am poor and unhappy, everyone is against me, what a sufferer I am, how unfair the world is, etc.

The feeling of resentment greatly concentrates a person on himself. And it can be very difficult to go beyond your offended state and look at someone else, especially at someone who does such nasty things to me.

An important position developed by one of the psychotherapeutic schools that works quite successfully with the experience of resentment is as follows: behind every grievance is the belief that the other can and should behave differently.

But if we try to seriously think about why a person acted this way and not otherwise, think about what happened to him at that particular moment, and be honest, we will most likely come to doubt whether the person really could do it differently? To act as we expected of him, based on our own ideas about him, and not on his real capabilities?

How did he feel at that particular moment when he offended us? Maybe something preceded this? Maybe he was overwhelmed by passion, he was overcome by anger, and that’s why he began to scream? What motivated him? What was the motivation? A conscious desire to harm me or...

If, for example, he spoke in anger, then anyone who has spoken in anger at least once himself knows how difficult it can be to stop. No wonder there is such an expression: carries a person. Even linguistically, it turns out that there is no subject left here (passive voice). In this state, we ourselves do things for which we later become ashamed. And it is important to turn to our own experience, because if we remember similar moments about ourselves, we will be able to better understand our offenders.

If you manage to realize that you are actually different could not behave differently (although usually it seems to us that, of course, he could), then almost 90 percent of the grievances go away. But it is very difficult to take into account the motives and circumstances of another person when we ourselves feel bad, and even through his fault.

It seems obvious that if a person cannot, then he should not. But we often are not even interested in whether he can or not. We immediately demand: you must, you don’t do it - I’m offended by you. Or, on the contrary, you do something bad, but you should have done something good - I’m offended by you. It is useful to remember that we, too, often cannot do what others expect from us.

It is possible to carry out serious psychological work with yourself, not necessarily with a psychologist, when you can take some of your grievances and try to look closely at someone else, at the one you are offended by, to figure out how truly could differently or must was to do differently. At first it can be very difficult to move away from the belief that the other could do differently.

What is important is painstaking honesty and drawing on our experiences when we think we could do things differently. Most often, we greatly exaggerate our capabilities, which is why we fall into a false sense of guilt, but neurotic guilt is not the topic of this article.

FOUR: forgiveness in the context of eternity. “Don’t judge him, Lord!”

At one of the parish retreats, one of the catechists said in her report: “forgiveness is natural if you think about death.” Of course, there is the truth of our pain, there is sometimes some kind of unbearability, an inability to withstand another person, he has caused so much evil.

But if you manage to think more deeply, place your view in the context of eternity - not in the context of our relationship with him now, but in the context of eternity, when both he and I come to God, then...what then? Am I really going to say to God on the threshold of eternity: “You know, he did all this to me - take that into account, please”? What will happen to my heart when we reach this point?

These are matters that, of course, are not easy to talk about, but at the same time they are seriously important in our topic. Here a special existential truth is revealed, if we can look at those people who offend us in this way.

A memory can also help here: did I have anything good associated with this person? After all, we most often get offended by the people closest to us, by those who are especially dear to us, and there are reasons why this happens. We resent those we love dearly, and sometimes it can be helpful to simply shift our attention from dwelling on the bad things to remembering something good about that person.

This logic of expanding the field of view is very important. Because in a state of resentment, a strong narrowing of the view occurs. There is such a narrow-mindedness in resentment; a person essentially sees only himself and his pain, and the other as evil. And it is important to open your eyes, expand your view and remember that yes, there is bad, but actually there is also good.

From this expanded logic, it is easier to understand why a person behaved this way, that he is not a walking evil, just like I am not a walking trash heap. And maybe such a look, here in this world, will help us someday, following Vl. Anthony, to say: “Do not condemn him, Lord!”

FIFTH: an attempt to look at a person through the eyes of God. Meeting with Love

Continuing the logic of thinking on a spiritual plane, we can suggest trying to look at both the offender and ourselves – through the eyes of God. In practice, this can be difficult to do, because our image of God is often seriously distorted, and parental traits are often attributed to him: authority, severity, detachment, indifference. Often in therapy, for example, you can hear from a client: if my mother didn’t care about me, and she was never interested in me, then God certainly doesn’t care about me.

Here we touch upon an important and difficult topic: the distortion of the image of God in ourselves. It often happens this way: the way my parents treated me is the way, I believe, God treats me. Therefore, it is still a big question through whose eyes I will look. Therefore, in a sense, we can say that this “method” is not suitable for everyone. After all, if I have a strong distortion of ideas about God, then I will not look through anyone’s eyes.

It is obvious that none of us can say that we have true knowledge of God, His true image. But we are called to draw closer to Him, to recognize Him. You can try: in the practice of prayerful reflection, in particular, before the cross, remembering Christ, Who spoke from the cross about forgiveness, you can try to look at those who offended us...

Good Friday. He is being crucified. He hangs on the cross. Living Man. There are nails in the hands and feet, but the breath is still alive in the chest. They mock Him, mock Him, and divide His clothes. They say: if you are God, come down from the cross. If I'm standing next to you, what's wrong with me? What about my resentment? Having entered into prayerful standing before Him, you can think: how does the Lord look at me now, when I am tormented with my resentment, with my inability to forgive and come to His cross? How does He look at my offender? How does He look at us together? What does He want for us, for me, for him?

These are very intimate reflections that can take place deep in the heart, in the place of a mysterious meeting with the gaze of Love. This view helps to transfer our grievances to a completely different dimension.

***

To sum up this short reflection, we can say: forgiveness is a process. The main thing is to start with the smallest steps, without expecting big results from yourself right away. Don't think that if we have a diagram of five conditions, we have found a recipe for forgiveness. If our grievances last for years and decades, we will not be able to get rid of them in a month or two.

It is worth getting ready for serious and long-term work, honesty with yourself and with God. And, who knows, maybe this process itself will bear fruits that we do not expect, as often happens when God gives us even more than we sometimes dared to want.

chorus

To forgive is not to be believed! to forgive is not to love!
Leave does not mean do not remember! leave not to forget!
Vow not to faith! Mercy does not mean the friendship!
I hope you hear it...so you need!!!

1kup
I still remember the night I can’t forget!
How could break without thin thread!
I still do not believe it! but nevertheless it is!
Is not important to me the culprit! I myself leash important fact!

Breaking so easy but it is impossible to stick together!
I"m not trying to pressure pity but it was very difficult!
Everything changed in my head to face the truth!
Everything will be quiet! until nevspyhnet thunderstorm !

I dreamed I was flying, I watched, I racked
Intermittent dying down and getting up again
And in myself I thought up endless time
Gather in pieces and throw everything in the trash!

Yes *lyat behind it all?! For all your actions!
Tell me when will take place?! Then when to let go!
Where will carry me?! I don't know God will judge!
And I was left alone in the hope that everything will be!

Chorus
To forgive is not to be believed! to forgive is not to love!
Leave does not mean do not remember! leave not to forget!
Vow not to faith! Mercy does not mean the friendship!
I hope you hear it...so you need!!!

To forgive is not to be believed! to forgive is not to love!
Leave does not mean do not remember! leave not to forget!
Vow not to faith! Mercy does not mean the friendship!
I hope you hear it ................... .

2kup
You just remember your eyes, remember the words
And so it boiling oh my head!
And my heart aches and even breaks out!
Knocks ebashit chest but I will not give up !

By * UML with whom I have more on the way !
The wound healed you know? but the scar remains!
The idea that life is the only way!
And not otherwise! ha! I do not hesitate to cry!

We take care of all razorvem beach road!
Rise and Run fell there too but not you!
Not it again, I did not wait for the end!
Normal boy! invisible face!

And no parish parish retreat, they are not!
Wait wait to leave behind!
And again it every day and every morning
Thank you! Now I will be the wiser!

Chorus
To forgive is not to be believed! to forgive is not to love!
Leave does not mean do not remember! leave not to forget!
Vow not to faith! Mercy does not mean the friendship!
I hope you hear it...so you need!!!

To forgive is not to be believed! to forgive is not to love!
Leave does not mean do not remember! leave not to forget!
Vow not to faith! Mercy does not mean the friendship!
I hope you hear it...so you need!!!

[Intro, Levon]:
(Laughter).
It's a shame!
That's the fucking story.
Of course, everything will pass, fuck,
But she’s not there, fuck it!

[Chorus, Levon and Loc Dog]:
Forgiving does not mean believing.
Forgiving does not mean loving.
Leaving does not mean forgetting.
Oaths do not mean Faith.
Mercy does not mean Friendship.

Forgiving does not mean believing.
Forgiving does not mean loving.
Leaving does not mean not remembering.
Leaving does not mean forgetting.
Oaths do not mean Faith.
Mercy does not mean Friendship.
I hope you hear this, it’s necessary.

[Verse 1, Levon]:
I’ll remember everything at night, I won’t be able to forget.
How could it be possible to break an already thin thread?
I still don’t believe it, but it’s still true.
The culprit is not important to me, only the fact itself is important to me!

It's so easy to tear, but impossible to glue.
I'm not asking for pity, but it was very difficult
Change everything in your head. Let's face it.
Everything will be quiet until a thunderstorm breaks out.

I dreamed, I flew, I looked, I broke;
He disappeared, died, fell and got up again.
I thought up an endless amount of time within myself.
I'll collect the pieces and throw everything in the trash.

What the hell is this all for? - For all your actions.
Tell me when it will pass? - Then, when you let go...
Where will it take me? - I don’t know, God will judge...
And I was left alone, in the hope that everything would be...

[Chorus, Levon and Loc Dog]:
Forgiving does not mean believing.
Forgiving does not mean loving.
Leaving does not mean not remembering.
Leaving does not mean forgetting.
Oaths do not mean Faith.
Mercy does not mean Friendship.
I hope you hear this, it’s necessary.

Forgiving does not mean believing.
Forgiving does not mean loving.
Leaving does not mean not remembering.
Leaving does not mean forgetting.
Oaths do not mean Faith.
Mercy does not mean Friendship.
I hope you can hear this...

[Verse 2, Levon]:
Just remember your look, remember your words.
And so everything boiled over. God my head
And the heart aches and breaks out
He knocks and fucks in the chest, but I won’t leave him!

We will break all the banks, dear ones - take care.
If you fall, get up and run; Who is there, but not you, not her.
Again I couldn't wait for the end.
An ordinary guy, you can't see his face.

And the arrival is not the arrival, they are not the departure.
Wait, wait, leave it behind!
And again this is every day and every morning.
Thank you, now I will become wiser.

[Chorus, Levon and Loc Dog]:
Forgiving does not mean believing.
Forgiving does not mean loving.
Leaving does not mean not remembering.
Leaving does not mean forgetting.
Oaths do not mean Faith.
Mercy does not mean Friendship.
I hope you hear this, it’s necessary.

Forgiving does not mean believing.
Forgiving does not mean loving.
Leaving does not mean not remembering.
Leaving does not mean forgetting.
Oaths do not mean Faith.
Mercy does not mean Friendship.
I hope you hear this, it’s necessary.

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