Why does love bring so much pain. Why does love hurt? Man is born strong

It will be about love in a broader sense than we are used to perceive it.

The fact is that love as a phenomenon is a necessary attribute for something to arise, be born, be created. Love accompanies the beginning of any business, any plan. We want to fulfill our dream because we experience love.

Love is the strongest motivation for action. Remember your state of love - you grew wings, you literally pushed the ground with your feet and were able to perform miracles.

Why are people so afraid of love? Because what we think of as love is just a fleeting phase to get the process started. And in astrology this phase is called "CREATION". The energies of Jupiter are at work here, and Jupiter always lures and promises a lot.

And after it comes a phase that many perceive as pain - the IMPLEMENTATION PHASE. When the primary fleur has passed, and now you need to make an effort. Saturn is in charge here, which always requires quite specific work. We all know from our own experience that when you sit and just dream - everything is fine, but as soon as you start doing something that you have not done before, to study something new - life turns into an unstable nightmare and you want to quit everything. Because the old familiar world is collapsing, and it is not known what lies ahead - whether it will work out or not.

Why do many people dream for years and do not even try to start realizing their dream? Because when they dream, they feel love, but subconsciously they are afraid of the pain that will come when they begin to act.

Love is the perfect picture. When we begin to act in reality, we see that everything is not the same and everything is not the way it was in our head. And the pain comes.

We dream of a beautiful body and a slim figure. But having visited the gym once, the next day we feel how our whole body hurts. Half of the people then break down and leave the thought of the gym. However, pain is a necessary attribute in order for your body to begin to change and become better.

We used to think that pain is something bad, superfluous in our life. However, pain is a wise mechanism. She informs us about the changes. Pain is always change and part of development. And we either accept these changes or try to eliminate them.

Love between a man and a woman serves to bond a couple and give rise to a relationship. And then - the implementation of these relationships. Relationships are a process and must be carried out. If someone counts on the fact that the person he fell in love with will remain the same until the end of his days, he is doomed to severe disappointment. The ideal family exists only on a carton of milk. In real life, the family is a dynamic and ever-changing structure.

And the final phase is the DISSOLUTION PHASE. Everything in this world, of course, sooner or later comes to its end and destruction. Often in this phase, people are disappointed, because the original love has passed. The original design is destroyed - experience remains. Experience is the most priceless thing for which it all began! When we die, we take with us only this thin layer of experience that is imprinted into the structure of our soul. And with him we will go to the next incarnation.

All processes in the world include these 3 phases. If you take this into account at the beginning of each enterprise, then you can smooth out the transition from one phase to another. Love remains, its form just changes. At the beginning of important long-term affairs, you can pronounce the magic formula: “Starting to fulfill my dream, I accept all the changes that will happen to me and to my life.”

Most often, we are simply not ready for the fact that changes will occur and that they are inevitable - we want our beloved and our relationship with him to remain unchanged in 20 years. We want change, but we fear it the most. After all, everything is so safe in static. "Everything that develops is imperfect, everything that is perfect is dead." Love and pain are two sides of the same coin.

Do not be afraid to develop, change and destroy the obsolete in order to create and build new worlds.

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Love brings pain because it paves the way to bliss. Love is painful because it transforms; love is transformation. Any change brings pain. Because the old must give way to the new. The old is familiar, reliable, safe, and the new is completely unknown. Man enters unexplored lands. In relation to the new, it is impossible to apply reason, although it is tempted in the old. The mind is able to work only with the old, but when the new appears, it becomes completely useless. Therefore, fear arose, and parting with the old, familiar, safe world, the world of convenience, causes pain. This is the same pain that a bird feels when it comes out of an egg. It is the same pain that a bird feels when it first tries to fly. Fear of the unknown and the reliability of the known, not the safety of the unknown, its unpredictability - that's what scares a person so much. This agony becomes even stronger, because a person has to move from the "I" to the state of "not-I". However, it is not possible to achieve bliss without experiencing agony. To purify gold, it is passed through a flame. Love is a flame. It is because of this pain that love brings that millions of people live without love. They also suffer, but this suffering is in vain. Suffering in love is not futile suffering. The pain of love creates, it raises to the highest levels of consciousness. Suffering without love is simply a waste of energy - it leads nowhere, it makes you move in a vicious circle. A man without love is in love with himself, he is closed. He knows only himself. But is he capable of knowing himself if he does not know another? After all, only another can become a mirror for him. You will never know yourself without knowing the other. Love is also absolutely necessary for self-knowledge. A person who has not known another in strong love, in deep passion, in complete bliss, will never know what he is, because he does not have a mirror where he could see his reflection. Relationships with others are a mirror, and the purer love, the higher it is, the purer, the more transparent this mirror. However, higher love requires openness. Higher love needs you to become vulnerable. You have to drop the shields - and that hurts. You have to stop being constantly alert. You have to put aside your calculating mind. You need to take a chance ...... (Further here - http://masterkosta.com/forum/5-138-47

- a frequent statement that we meet absolutely everywhere. These are books, forums, music, movies, myths. Millions of people simultaneously solve this problem all over the world. Billions of tips and recipes are carefully and vainly tested by both sexes. Money is pouring in, paying for the next personal and other people's experiments. Social networks of all stripes are filled with similar questions and statements:

• Why is love pain? Every time …
• Why does love bring so much pain?
• True love hurts and...
• Love always hurts...
• When love brings suffering...

How does this happen? Why does a bunch of words "Love hurts" in interpersonal relationships have the right to exist?

Let's explore...

It so happened that a person is born. And this is a wonderful moment, signifying the arrival of a new destiny in our world. His story has not yet been written and it can be filled with all the most beautiful things. He can become a bright and wise person who easily interacts with his own kind. His presence in the lives of others will bring joy and inspiration. Interaction with him will cause ease and confidence. Next to him will be calm and fun at the same time. You can rely on him as on yourself. This

Man is born strong

The child is born small and naked, clean and defenseless. His eyes glow with joy and interest. He happily reaches out to those around him. He smiles at those who are gentle and caring with him, who notice him and play with him. Openness and curiosity in the actions of a baby cause feelings and a storm of impressions in his environment. And these feelings are usually the warmest and especially joyful.

Warm feelings in the child's relatives, in response to his open actions, they give parents and the environment additional strength and meaning to their existence. The content of life expands and fills, new colors and nuances appear. Joy and interest become joint.

Curiosity, interest in the environment and openness of a child turn into real powerful resources of his family and his environment. Close ones self-actualize their own desires. These are desires to take care and care, to play and indulge, to take responsibility for events. And these events must be bright for everyone.

It is difficult not to follow such a Force — it is Inspiring!..

Curiosity, interest and criticism

There comes a time when the child becomes more independent. He interacts more and more with the objects around him. His curiosity leads to those places where for an adult, in his opinion, there is an external danger. Interest pushes to check everything by touch and taste. Openness and stupidity opens up new interactions with animals, adults and children. New words appear for the child: “no” and “you are not like that ...” There comes a moment of socialization and new rules.

And these rules, sometimes, are not entirely clear to him. And there are reasons for this:

• Nothing is explained to the child...
• He does not understand the manner of explanations (for example, adult language) ...
• The child lacks knowledge and experience to understand ...

The child more and more often begins to get into the zone of discomfort when interacting with adults. More recently, such reliable and supportive people suddenly become "different". They get angry, scold him and demand something incomprehensible. The usual open and inquisitive actions of the child are criticized. He is less and less asked why he does something. For some reason, more and more everyone knows about him. And it seems to him that he has become less needed.

And here for the first time a person appears idea of ​​special danger. The danger of doing something wrong, the danger of getting a painful reaction to yourself from loved ones.

And the Openness of a person begins to shift towards Caution ...

Criticism and doubt

The little man turns 6-8 years old - golden time. This is a time of meaningful knowledge, a time of transformation. Much is revealed, much becomes clear. Letters and numbers are easy to read. Big words begin to be given for reading and the first tasks are solved. One thing remains incomprehensible to the child - a personal attitude towards him.

Nobody explains the rules, nobody teaches such a science. As before, the child has a lot to explore at random. There are many like him around, and everyone has a different behavior. Someone keeps confidently, and someone panics every time. Skills are given to someone easily, and someone is subject to "training". And all the significant people around have a different attitude to this and often incomprehensible criticism. What to do, what to focus on?

At 6-12 years old, the conscious part of the brain looks around even more and develops confidently. Other people's ratings and comments are pouring around. The ability to consciously compare encourages a person in situations that are uncomfortable for him to increasingly ask himself questions:

• Is everything okay with me?
• What is wrong with me?
• What am I?

Provided that the child asks himself such questions in difficult and significant situations for him, then the answers are unlikely to please him. Negative criticism pushes you to doubt yourself. Doubt your abilities and the danger of getting a painful reaction to yourself from loved ones and significant ones. Danger of being alone. And it hurts!

And the Interest of a person begins to shift towards Doubts ...

Doubts and the search for new supports

Adolescence is a great period, it begins at 13-15 years old. Time to search for new knowledge and experience, time to fill internal voids. The child has already developed his own “uncomfortable” experience and it is time to find an explanation for all this on his own. He is ready and quite independent.

This is where all the “necessary” knowledge and strategies come to him. These are books, forums, music, movies, myths, friends and acquaintances. Anything that answers their questions. Everyone who gives him an explanation and behavior patterns.

But what kind of questions does this young and inexperienced man ask? The answer is simple - about what "hurts". There is no one nearby who will tell you that:

• What a question - such is the answer!
• Ask about what you want to get, not about what you want to get rid of!

And instead of learning "go to Joy" patterns, he's learning all about "getting rid of Pain." And it becomes clear to any mortal what exactly the child becomes competent in. All the knowledge he receives goes through his fear of being alone. And it hurts!

And the Joy of a person begins to shift towards Depression ...

External supports and human programs

As the “positive” experience of others in dealing with “his own pain” is accumulated, the child becomes overgrown with other people's models of his behavior. The child carefully checks, examines and applies them. In the most "viable" of them, he gets used to and makes his part of the personality. There comes a point when the models of “fighting behavior” adopted by him become automatic.

External supports appear to protect oneself - survival programs in the "world of pain". Nearby there are people who confirm the whole reality of the existence of just such a form of life. Another child simply ceases to notice, since openness and interest have long since sunk into summer. A his fear of being alone here. And it hurts!

And the Curiosity of a person begins to shift towards Selectivity

Human programs and habits

There comes a time when automatic programs in humans gain critical mass. Programs become habits and take on a life of their own. And then we can safely say that it is not a person who has a habit, but a habit "has" him.

Everyone is familiar with the many bad habits that people have. Many people know that sometimes a colossal effort is needed to get rid of them. And many are simply not capable of this without special training.

Can be easily declared about a person who is controlled by his habits - as a kind of bio-robot. His thoughts and actions are unconsciously saturated with struggle and survival. He lost:

• Joy
• Curiosity
• openness
• Interest

Instead of such necessary qualities for the appearance and maintenance of love in a person, they live in him:

• Depression
• Selectivity
• Caution
• Doubts

And this whole list serves only one thing - protection from the danger of getting an "unhealthy" reaction to oneself.

Fear and danger of being alone. And it hurts!

Man's Habits and Expectations

And now the time has come when a human-habit, a human-biorobot woke up a real need for love. It can be the creation of friendships or family relationships - in a word, meaningful ones. Indeed, for all his training and competence, the needs that pushed him to such an education and to such an experience remained the same. It's all the same:

• Joy
• Curiosity
• openness
• Interest
• Security
• Confidence
• calmness

All this is hidden under roles and masks of habits/programs. Moreover, sometimes it is hidden from awareness by the person himself. He does not even realize that all his acquired knowledge and experience of "avoidance" completely deprive him of inner strength.

All the internal forces of a person and his energy are spent on protection from his "childish" fear of loneliness. Maintaining your learned ideas about other people, the structure of your myths and beliefs becomes an end in itself. Worshiping his virtual universe is a must. And he gladly

ready to share the burden of energy maintenance of their "skeletons in the closet"

with someone. He is even ready and willing to call it "love"...

Expectations and Pain

And such a little man / robot meets his "fate". He, like everyone else, openly wants simple human happiness. And hidden, even sometimes from himself, there is an end in itself - maintenance and energy-feeding by other people of his programs / habits.

The significant person himself is interesting to the bio-robot only at first. The knowledge and experience gained by him almost completely replaces the need to be interested in the “chosen one”. For what? Everything is clear, everything is predictable. Let's not waste our time... Another donor is needed...

It may take varying amounts of time for a hidden target to resurface. And the reaction of the “chosen one” will not keep you waiting.

He already knows that "Love" brings Pain...

And a human/biorobot will also have children... And this is a wonderful moment, signifying the arrival of a new destiny in our world. His story has not yet been written and it can be filled with all the most beautiful things. He can become a bright and wise person who easily interacts with his own kind. His presence in the lives of others will bring joy and inspiration. Interaction with him will cause ease and confidence. Next to him will be calm and fun at the same time. You can rely on him as on yourself. And this one

Man is what he is and that's what he is interesting!

Man is born strong!

And this power can always be restored!

OSHO ASKED A QUESTION: Osho, why does Love bring so much pain?

HE ANSWERED: Love brings pain because it paves the way to bliss. Love is painful because it transforms; love is transformation. Any change brings pain. Because the old must give way to the new. The old is familiar, reliable, safe, and the new is completely unknown. Man enters unexplored lands. In relation to the new, it is impossible to apply reason, although it is tempted in the old. The mind is able to work only with the old, but when the new appears, it becomes completely useless.
Therefore, fear arose, and parting with the old, familiar, safe world, the world of convenience, causes pain. This is the same pain that a bird feels when it comes out of an egg. It is the same pain that a bird feels when it first tries to fly.
Fear of the unknown and the reliability of the known, not the safety of the unknown, its unpredictability - that's what scares a person so much.
This agony becomes even stronger, because a person has to move from the "I" to the state of "not-I". However, it is not possible to achieve bliss without experiencing agony. To purify gold, it is passed through a flame.
Love is a flame.
It is because of this pain that love brings that millions of people live without love. They also suffer, but this suffering is in vain. Suffering in love is not futile suffering. The pain of love creates, it raises to the highest levels of consciousness. Suffering without love is simply a waste of energy - it leads nowhere, it makes you move in a vicious circle.
A man without love is in love with himself, he is closed. He knows only himself. But is he capable of knowing himself if he does not know another? After all, only another can become a mirror for him. You will never know yourself without knowing the other. Love is also absolutely necessary for self-knowledge. A person who has not known another in strong love, in deep passion, in complete bliss, will never know what he is, because he does not have a mirror where he could see his reflection.
Relationships with others are a mirror, and the purer love, the higher it is, the purer, the more transparent this mirror. However, higher love requires openness. Higher love needs you to become vulnerable. You have to drop the shields - and that hurts. You have to stop being constantly alert. You have to put aside your calculating mind. You have to take a risk. You have to live on the edge of danger. Another can bring you pain - this is how the fear of one's own vulnerability arises. Another may push you away - so there is a fear of falling in love.
That reflection of yourself that you see in another can be terrible - this is how anxiety arises. Yes, you can avoid mirrors, but not looking in a mirror at all will not make you look beautiful at all. The fact that you avoid some situations will not bring you growth. You must accept your challenge.
A person must go to meet love. This is the first step towards God, and such a step cannot be avoided. Those who have tried to avoid love never reach God. This is absolutely necessary, because you can realize your own fullness only through the presence of another - when your essence is strengthened by the presence of another, when you are pulled out of narcissism and a closed world into an open sky.
Love is an open sky. To love means to fly with wings. However, it is quite understandable that the boundless sky causes fear.
Letting go of your ego is very painful because we have been taught to cherish it. We consider it our only treasure. We protect it, we decorate it, we constantly polish it, but when love knocks on the door, there is only one thing to do - to throw your ego away.
Of course it's painful. It's the fruit of your life's work, it's all you've created - its ugly, the notion that you're separate from all that exists.
This notion is ugly because it is false. This is an illusory idea, but it is the basis of our entire society; our society is based on the idea that each person is a person, not an entity.
The truth is that in this world there are no personalities at all, there are only entities. You are not – you do not exist as an ego separated from the whole. You are part of the whole. It permeates you, it breathes in you, it pulsates in you; the whole is your whole life.
Love becomes the first experience of being in tune with something that is not your ego. Love provides the first lesson of what you can achieve in harmony with someone who has never been part of your ego. If you can be in harmony with a woman, if you can be in harmony with a friend, with a man, if you can be in harmony with a child or with your mother, then why can't you be in harmony with all human beings? And if harmony with one person brings so much joy, then what will be the happiness of harmony with all people? And if you can achieve harmony with all human beings, then why is it impossible to achieve harmony with animals, birds and trees? The first step is followed by others.
Love is a ladder. It starts with one person, but ends with everything. Love is the beginning and God is the end. To be afraid of love, to be afraid of the growing pain of love, is to remain locked in a dark cage.
Modern man lives in a dark cell, he suffers from narcissism. Today narcissism is the greatest obsession of the mind.
Because of this, difficulties arise, meaningless difficulties. There are difficulties that are constructive, because they lead to heightened awareness, but there are also such difficulties that lead nowhere - they only exhaust you, they simply keep you in the same hustle and bustle.
Love creates difficulties, and these difficulties can be avoided by avoiding love, but such difficulties are necessary! They have to be met face to face, they have to be confronted; they need to be experienced, overcome, you need to go through them. Only by overcoming them, you can go outside. Love is the only reality worthy of attention. Everything else is secondary. That which promotes love is a blessing. Everything else is just a means, and love is the result. Go towards love, no matter how painful it may be for you.
If you don’t go towards love – and many do – then you will get stuck in yourself. Your life will not be a pilgrimage, it will not become a river running towards the ocean; your life will turn into a frozen and dirty pond, where soon there will be nothing but silt and dirt. To keep purity, you need a flow. The river stays clean because it flows. Flow is a continuous process of preserving virgin purity.
The lover remains virgin. All lovers are virgins. Those who do not love are not able to preserve virgin purity - they sink into slumber, into immobility; sooner or later - and sooner rather than later - they begin to exude a stench, because they are not going anywhere. Their lives are dead.
This is the position in which modern man is, and this is why all kinds of neuroses flourish, all forms of madness. Mental illnesses have assumed the proportions of epidemics. Not just a handful of people suffer from neuroses - in fact, the whole Earth has already become a lunatic asylum. All mankind suffers from a nervous breakdown.
The cause of this nervous disorder is narcissistic immobility. Everyone is stuck in their own illusion of a separate self - that's how people go crazy. But such madness is meaningless, it does not give birth to anything, it does not create anything. Other people resort to suicide - but suicide also does not give anything and does not create anything.
Suicide can be committed not only by taking poison, jumping off a cliff, or shooting oneself; suicide can be made into a very slow process - that's what happens. Rare people commit quick suicides. Most often they decrease themselves gradually - and die slowly, very slowly. Suicidal tendencies have become almost universal.
It cannot be called life - and the reason, the main reason for all this, is that we have forgotten the language of love. We no longer have the courage to plunge into the adventure that is called love.
That's why people are so busy having sex - sex is not risky. It lasts a moment, it does not affect you. Love is attachment, it is surrender. She is not instant. If it takes root, it stays forever. It lasts a lifetime. Love requires intimacy; the other person becomes a mirror for you only after you are next to him. When sexually knowing a woman or a man, you do not know her or his essence at all - in fact, you are running away from the soul of another person. You just use his body and hide, and the other one uses your body in the same way and runs away. You never get close enough to reveal your true faces to each other.
Love is the greatest Zen koan.
Love brings pain, but don't avoid it. By avoiding it, you are missing out on the greatest opportunity to grow. Dive into it, suffer this love, because through suffering comes great bliss. Yes, it is agony, but ecstasy is born in this agony. Yes, you will have to die as an ego, but if you die as an ego, you will be reborn as a God, as a Buddha. Love will bring you the first, gentle, as at the first touch, taste of Tao, Sufism, Zen. Love will bring you the first proof that God exists, that life is not meaningless.
Those who say that life is meaningless have never known love. They simply admit that their life is devoid of love.
Let there be pain, let there be suffering. Pass through the dark night - and you will wait for a beautiful dawn. The sun rises only from the belly of the dark night. Only after the dark night comes the morning.
My whole approach is based on love. I teach love, only love and nothing else. You can forget about God – it is just an empty word. You can forget about prayers - these are only rituals imposed on you by others. Love is the most natural prayer, no one imposes it. You were born with her. Love is the real God. This is not a theological God, this is the God of Buddha, Jesus, Mohammed, this is the God of the Sufis. Love is a method that destroys you as a separate person and allows you to become infinity. Dissolve like a dewdrop and become an ocean - but for that you have to pass through the gates of love.
Of course, when someone starts to disappear like a dewdrop – because before that he lived in the form of a drop for so long – he gets hurt because he thinks, “I was this, but now this is disappearing. I'm dying".
But you are not dying, it is only an illusion of death. Yes, you have identified yourself with it, but the illusion remains an illusion. Only after it has dissipated can you see who you really are - and this revelation will lift you to the highest pinnacle of happiness, bliss and triumph.

(from the book "The Secret")