Why are children attached to their mother? Strong attachment to mother in child

Girls, there is an Archi Important Topic about the attachment of our little ones to us in infancy and its influence on their entire subsequent lives! This article covers this issue in a very accessible and clear way! Read it - you won't regret it!!!
"A 2-year-old girl constantly cries when her mother leaves home. And when her mother returns, the girl, although happy with her, may cry, angrily reprimanding her mother for leaving. During a consultation with a psychologist, the mother asks what is happening with a child, why does my daughter cry every time she separates from her mother?

In order to understand what happens to a two-year-old child when separated from his mother, even if she separates from the baby for a short time, let us turn to the most important psychological education - the child’s emotional attachment to his mother.

Attachment is formed gradually. Infants older than 6 months begin to develop obvious attachments to certain people. Usually, although not always, it is the mother who serves as the first attachment figure. Within a month or two of showing signs of attachment to their mother, most children begin to show attachment to their father, siblings, and grandparents.

What are the signs of attachment? A child’s attachment is manifested in the following: the object of attachment can calm and comfort the baby better than others; the baby turns to him for comfort more often than others; in the presence of an attachment figure, the baby is less likely to experience fear (for example, in an unfamiliar environment).

Attachment has a certain value for a child from the point of view of self-preservation. First of all, it gives the child a sense of security when exploring the world around him and encountering the new and unknown. Attachment manifests itself most clearly in a baby in a situation where he experiences fear. A child may not pay attention to his parents and willingly play with a stranger (provided that someone close to him is nearby), but as soon as the child is scared or excited by something, he will immediately turn to his mother or father for support.

With the help of the attachment figure, the child also assesses the degree of danger of the new situation. For example, a baby approaching an unfamiliar bright toy stops and looks at his mother. If anxiety is reflected on her face, or she says something in a frightened voice, the child will also show wariness and... turning away from the toy, he will crawl towards his mother. But if the mother smiles or addresses the baby in an encouraging tone, he will again go to the toy.

Parental behavior and attachment
Although infants appear to have an innate ability to experience emotional attachment, the choice of object and the strength and quality of attachment depend largely on the behavior of the parents towards the child.

What is most important in the relationship between parents and child for the development of attachment? First of all, this is the ability of an adult to feel and respond to any signals from a child, be it a glance, a smile, crying or babbling. Typically, children become attached to parents who quickly and positively respond to the initiative shown by the child, enter into communication and interaction with him that corresponds to the child’s cognitive abilities and mood. To illustrate, consider two situations.

Petya, a one and a half year old boy, plays on the floor with toys. The mother finishes her housework, approaches the child and watches his play. “What a beautiful car and blocks. You’ve got a real garage, well done Petya!” - says the mother. Petya smiles and continues to play. Mom takes a book and starts reading. Several minutes passed. Petya takes a children's book, approaches his mother, and tries to climb onto her lap. The mother puts the baby on her lap, puts down her book and says: “Do you want me to read this book to you?” Petya answers “yes”, his mother begins to read.

Another two-year-old boy, Sasha, plays with toys. Having finished her business, the mother tells him: “Come to me, I will read you an interesting book.” Sasha turns around, but does not approach his mother, but continues to enthusiastically roll the car. The mother comes up to her son, takes her in her arms and says: “Let’s read.” Sasha breaks free and protests. His mother lets him go, and Sasha returns to his toys. Later, having finished the game, Sasha takes a children's book and approaches his mother, trying to climb onto her lap. “No,” says the mother, “you didn’t want to read when I suggested it to you, but now I’m busy.”

In the first situation, the mother was responsive and attentive to the child, she was guided by his needs (gave him the opportunity to finish playing the game), and was sensitive to the child’s initiative (a request to read a book).

In the second situation, the mother is more inclined to “adjust the child to herself,” regardless of his needs and desires.

Psychologists have found that the necessary qualities that contribute to the development of a child’s attachment to his mother or father are their warmth, gentleness, tenderness in their relationship with the child, encouragement and emotional support. Parents, to whom children are strongly attached, give instructions to the child, pronounce them softly with warmth, often praise the child, and approve of his actions.

Depending on the behavior of the parents, the characteristics of their interaction and communication with the child, the baby develops a certain type of attachment to his father and mother.

The most popular method for assessing the quality of a child’s attachment to an adult was the experiment of the American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. This experiment was called "Stranger Situation" and consists of several three-minute episodes during which the child is left alone in an unfamiliar environment, alone with an unfamiliar adult, an unfamiliar adult and a mother. The key episodes are when the mother leaves the child, first with a stranger, then alone. A few minutes later the mother returns to the baby. The nature of the child’s attachment to the mother is judged based on the degree of grief the baby feels after the mother leaves and the child’s behavior after her return.

As a result of the study, three groups of children were identified. Children who were not very upset after their mother left interacted with the stranger and explored the new room (for example, played with toys), and when their mother returned, they rejoiced and reached out to her, and were called “securely attached.” Children who did not object to their mother's departure and continued to play, regardless of her return, were called "indifferent, insecurely attached." And the children of the third group, who were very upset after their mother left, and when she returned, seemed to strive for her, clung to her, but were immediately pushed away and angry, were called “affective, insecurely attached.”

Subsequent studies showed that the type of attachment a child has to his parents influences the further mental and personal development of the child. The most favorable for development is secure attachment. A child's secure attachment to his mother in the first years of life lays the foundation for a sense of security and trust in the world around him. Such children already in early childhood show sociability, intelligence, and ingenuity in games. In preschool and adolescence, they demonstrate leadership traits, are distinguished by initiative, responsiveness, empathy, and are popular among their peers.

Children with insecure attachment (affective, ambivalent and indifferent, avoidant) are often more dependent, require more attention from adults, their behavior is unstable and contradictory compared to children with secure attachment.

How does attachment formed in early childhood influence a child’s behavior in the future?

In the process of repeated interactions with the mother and other loved ones, the child develops so-called “working models of himself and other people.” In the future, they help him navigate new situations, interpret them and react accordingly. Attentive, sensitive, caring parents form a child’s sense of basic trust in the world, creating a positive working model for those around him. Disharmonious relationships, which are characterized by insensitivity to initiative, neglect of the interests of the child, and an obsessive style of relationships, on the contrary, lead to the formation of a negative working model. Using the example of relationships with parents, the child becomes convinced that other people, just like parents, are not reliable, predictable partners who can be trusted. The result of interaction and communication with parents is also a “working model of oneself.” With a positive model, the child develops initiative, independence, confidence and self-respect, and with a negative model, passivity, dependence on others, and a distorted self-image are formed.

From the point of view of the famous American psychologist P. Crittenden, in order to understand how attachments are formed, it is important to take into account the predominant type of processing and integration of information by the child.

Methods of processing information: affective (emotional) or cognitive (mental) determine the child’s behavior strategies in relation to loved ones. If an adult responds adequately to the child’s initiatives and feelings, the child’s behavior is “fixed” and will be reproduced in a similar situation. In cases where the child’s manifestations are rejected or cause unpleasant consequences for him, the behavior receives negative reinforcement and will subsequently be hidden. Such a child will avoid open expression of his emotions and needs, as if hiding his condition, experiences, his attachment is “avoidant”. Children who showed an “avoidant” type of attachment at the age of one year usually had experience of rejection by their mother when trying to interact emotionally and affectively with her. Such a mother rarely takes the child in her arms, does not show tenderness, and pushes him away when trying to hug and caress him. If the baby protests against such behavior of the mother, then her anger at the child is added to the rejection. This is how the baby learns that the results of emotional manifestations and love towards the mother can cause unpredictable and dangerous consequences, and learns to be restrained.

In the case when the mother does not accept the child, but demonstrates positive emotions in response to his behavior, i.e. her affective reactions are insincere; it is even more difficult for a child to foresee the consequences of her emotional manifestations. Such parents first confirm the need for closeness and contact with the child, but as soon as he reciprocates, they reject contact.

Some mothers are sincere, but inconsistent in their emotional interaction with their child. They are sometimes overly sensitive, sometimes cold and inaccessible to the child. The inability to predict their behavior causes reactions of anxiety and anger in the infant. From the point of view of learning theory, the child of such a mother finds himself in a situation of unpredictable, uncertain reinforcement, which only strengthens the behavior even with possible negative consequences for the child. By about 9 months, the infant can already focus the expression of his feelings on another person, thus anger becomes aggression directed at the attachment figure. Fear and desire for emotional intimacy (the need for love) also become “emotions” directed at the other. But without a specific and stable strategy for the behavior of others, the child’s behavior remains disorganized and anxious-ambivalent.

Thus, by the end of infancy, children with a “secure” attachment type have mastered a variety of means of communication. They use both intellect and affect, a variety of emotions. They develop an internal model that integrates information from both sources and patterns of behavior that maximize the child’s safety and comfort. “Avoidant” children learn to organize their behavior without using affective signals; they use mainly intellectual information. The emotional behavior of "anxious, ambivalent children is reinforced, but they do not learn the intellectual organization of behavior that could compensate for the inconsistency of their mothers. They do not trust intellectual information and use predominantly affective information. Thus, differences in methods of integration for different types of attachment can be explained by the nature of the child's individual experience in his interpersonal relationships with his mother.

The attachment to loved ones formed in the first years of life is quite stable. Most children demonstrate this same type of attachment at school age in their contacts with peers. In adult life, characteristic features of primary attachment can also be seen in interpersonal relationships. With a certain degree of convention, we can talk about the types and quality of attachment in adults. Thus, relationships that are established with people of the opposite sex, as well as the attitude towards elderly parents, can be defined as reliable, ambivalent and avoidant. The first type is characterized by good relationships between parents and adult children, based on trust, understanding, and assistance to parents. At the same time, children have a secure attachment to their parents in the first years of life. In the case of the second type, adults remember their parents only when they get sick. At an early age they have an ambivalent, affective attachment. With the third type, adult children almost do not maintain relationships with their parents and do not remember them. In early childhood, they are characterized by insecure attachment of the avoidant type.

The influence of differences in the quality of attachment on romantic interpersonal relationships of adults has been studied by American psychologists. The subjects in this study were participants in a newspaper survey. The type of attachment was determined by the category into which newspaper readers classified themselves when assessing their relationships with people. It was proposed to answer questions regarding the most significant love in life. Additional questions were also asked about how their love developed over time, and about childhood memories regarding relationships with and between parents.

The results of the study showed that there is a kind of continuity of emotional and behavioral patterns: the early style of attachment to the mother, as a rule, is transferred to the romantic interpersonal relationships of adults. Thus, secure attachment was associated with the experience of happiness, friendship and trust, while the avoidant style was associated with fear of intimacy, emotional ups and downs, as well as jealousy. And the affective - ambivalent attachment to the mother in childhood corresponded to an obsessive preoccupation with a loved one, a desire for a close union, sexual passion, emotional extremes and jealousy. Additionally, the three groups differed in their views on love, i.e. mental models of romantic relationships. Securely attached people viewed love as something that was relatively stable but also ebbed and flowed, and were skeptical of romantic stories depicted in novels and movies, in which people lose their minds over love. Those who avoided close attachment in romantic relationships were skeptical about the strength of romantic relationships and believed that it was very rare to find someone to fall in love with. Respondents with affective-ambivalent attachment believed that falling in love is easy, but finding true love is difficult. Additionally, securely attached adults, compared with the other two groups, reported warmer relationships with both parents, as well as warmer relationships between parents.

A study conducted with college students confirmed the nature of these relationships, and also found that differences also concern how representatives of these three groups describe themselves. Young people with a secure attachment felt that they were easy to communicate with and that most people around them sympathized with them, while those with an affective, ambivalent attachment described themselves as people who were insecure, often misunderstood and underappreciated. Close to these latter were the answers of students with an avoidant attachment type.

Further research has shown that the attachment style that develops in early childhood has a very broad impact on a person’s relationships with other people, and is also associated with his attitude towards work. Adults with a secure attachment style feel confident at work, they are not afraid to make a mistake and do not allow personal relationships to interfere with work. With anxious ambivalent attachment, people were more dependent on praise, fearful of rejection, and, in addition, they allowed personal relationships to affect their functioning. Avoidantly attached adults use work to avoid social interactions. Even when they are doing well financially, they are less satisfied with their jobs than people with a secure, confident attachment style.

Recently, researchers have identified another type of attachment - one that rejects emotional intimacy. Individuals with this attachment pattern feel uncomfortable when establishing close relationships and prefer not to depend on others, but still maintain a positive self-image.

Despite convincing evidence about the stability of attachment style, there is also evidence that it can change depending on life circumstances. In addition, the same person can have several attachment patterns: one in relationships with men, another with women, or one for some situations, another for others.

Returning to the appeal to the psychologist of a mother and her young daughter, with which this article began, we can answer the questions posed in this way. The girl developed an unreliable dual attachment to her mother. Apparently, the mother was not sensitive or attentive enough to her daughter in the first year of life. When interacting with her, she did not always respond positively to the child’s initiative, did not try to calm him down if the baby cried, did not always respond to smiling and babbling, and played little. That is why the girl did not develop confidence in her mother’s positive attitude towards herself, that she needed her and was loved. When parting with her mother, even for a short time, the girl cries, as if she is not sure whether her mother will return to her. Psychologists say that in such a case the child has not developed basic trust in the world, and relationships with other people, as well as with his mother, seem unsafe to him. How can you correct insecure attachment? As a rule, this requires qualified psychological assistance. However, the general advice is to be attentive to your child’s needs, take into account his interests, accept him for who he is and express your love and affection to him more often.”

Movement is life!!!

Nadezhda Bodrova
Attachment to mother in preschool children.

1.1. Concept attachment and its signs

Attachment is a form of emotional communication based on adults satisfying the child’s emerging needs for safety and love. Attachment to mother or another significant adult - a necessary phase in normal mental development children, in the formation of their personality.

Attachment is a mutual process. Both adults and children contribute to its formation.

Even before the birth of a child, a woman “tunes in” to her baby. This is a natural and healthy process. During pregnancy, a woman feels the baby moving in her womb. She thinks about him, tries to imagine what he will be like when he is born, makes plans for the future.

A few weeks before the birth of a child, his mother plunges into a very specific state. In the specialized literature it is called "primary maternal concern" (Winnicott, 1956). Being in this state, a woman is very sensitive to everything connected with her child, very sensitive to his signals and needs. Those specific feelings that arise in mothers and allow her to be sensitive to the baby's signals, called bonding (bonding). Already a short period of time after the birth of the baby, a mother can distinguish the crying of her child from the crying of others children. She is very is attentive to any, the child’s most minimal signals and is worried about the slightest ailment. Based on signs visible only to her, the mother understands the reasons for the baby’s anxiety - he is hungry, tired, or needs to be swaddled. With prolonged communication with the baby, similar mechanisms are triggered in other people who replace the mother.

For many women, this process starts on its own. But some women do not immediately develop feelings for the child, and they feel like they are mother is uncertain. The early relationship between mother and child can be very vulnerable at first. But they are very important for the further formation attachments.

There is a special term - "infant-induced social behavior." When interacting with an infant mothers changes in speech, facial expression, movements of the eyes, head, hands, body are observed, and the distance changes during the interaction. The structure of speech also changes - the syntax becomes simpler, phrases become shorter, pauses increase, and the pronunciation of some words changes. The timbre of the voice increases, speech slows down, vowels are partially stretched, rhythm and stress change. All this leads to special melody maternal speech.

In other words, the mother behaves as if the infant can perceive a smaller piece of information and requires more time to process it before receiving the next piece. Increasing the duration and degree of expression of emotions makes it easier for the baby to perceive, process, and, accordingly, respond. Infants' preferred high-pitched sounds are most represented in speech mothers etc. d. As a result, on the one hand, the baby causes special behavior towards himself mothers, and on the other hand, it is maximally aimed at the perception of her behavior (Mukhamedrakhimov R., 2003).

Although there are individual differences in the expression of infant-induced behavior, evidence from many studies supports the idea that it has a biological basis. Such behavior towards the baby unconsciously manifests itself not only in mothers, but also from the father or another person close to the baby.

Signs attachments

Attachment child manifests itself in next: an object attachments can calm and comfort the baby better than others; the baby turns to him for comfort more often than others; in the presence of an object attachments baby is less likely to experience fear (for example, in an unfamiliar environment). There are several types child's attachment to mother.

Attachment has a certain value for the child from the point of view of self-preservation. First of all, it gives the child a sense of security when exploring the world around him and encountering the new and unknown. Attachment manifests itself most clearly in a baby in a situation where he experiences fear. A child may not pay attention to his parents and willingly play with a stranger (provided that someone close to him is nearby, but as soon as the child is frightened or excited by something, he will immediately turn to him for support). mother or father.

Using an object attachments the child also evaluates the degree of danger of the new situation. For example, a baby approaching an unfamiliar bright toy stops and looks at his mother. If anxiety is reflected on her face, or she says something in a frightened voice, the child will also show wariness and, turning away from the toy, crawl towards mothers. But if the mother smiles or addresses the baby in an encouraging tone, he will again go to the toy.

1.2 Theories attachments

Founder of the theory attachments is an American psychologist John Bowlby. According to this theory, the child has an innate dependence on the one who first began to take care of him, and mothers have an innate tendency to come to the aid of the baby and protect him. All cases of separation of mother and child in age up to three years are fraught with consequences.

J. Bowlby studied how separation from mother when he ends up in a hospital or children's institution. At first, the baby reacts to the separation with protest. He cries loudly, looks for his mother, waits and demands her return. If at this stage she appears, she does not let her go one step. If the mother is still absent, then the protest gives way to sadness. The baby no longer demands her return, he is depressed, sad, and quietly cries. Now meeting with mother no longer brings him joy, he turns away from her. Further separation leads to apathy. The child remains outwardly calm and obedient, but everything around him is indifferent to him.

Today there are different types attachments: from safe to unsafe attachments. The English psychologist Mary Ainsfort conducted an interesting experiment that made it possible to identify the types of communication of an early child. age with mother. She started her work in England, then moved to Africa. M. Einsfort was amazed that studies of English and African children and their mothers gave the same results. In Russia, when conducting similar studies, similar data were also obtained. Thus, it has been established that the relationship mothers and the child develop during the first three months of life and determine the quality of their attachments by the end of the first year of life and in the future. Have a beneficial effect on the baby's development mothers, whose movements coincide with the movements of the baby during communication with him, emotions are clearly expressed, contacts are varied. Communication children with cold mothers, rarely taking them in their arms, restraining their emotions ( « mothers with wooden faces", on the contrary, does not contribute to the development of the child’s mental functions. The same can be said about communication with mothers characterized by inconsistent, unpredictable behavior.

Experimentally, M. Einsfort was able to identify three types of behavior children, formed under the influence of communication with mother. The determination method is called "Unfamiliar Situation". It consisted of several three-minute episodes: the child remains in alone in an unusual environment; alone with an unfamiliar adult; with an unknown adult and mother. First, the mother leaves the baby with a stranger, and then alone. A few minutes later she returns. About character attachments judged based on the child's distress after leaving mothers and his behavior after her return. The following types have been identified attachments:

Safe attachment- characterized by the fact that in the presence mothers the child feels comfortable. If she leaves, he begins to worry, gets upset, and stops research activities. When his mother returns, he seeks contact with her and, having established it, quickly calms down and continues his game again.

Avoidant attachment- characterized by the fact that upon leaving the room mothers, and then the child does not pay attention to her return, does not seek contact with her. He does not make contact even when his mother begins to flirt with him. Ambivalent attachment- even in the presence mothers the child remains anxious, anxiety after she leaves increases. When she returns, the baby strives for her, but resists contact. If his mother picks him up, he breaks away.

Later, a fourth type was identified - disorganized attachment. The children of this group are afraid mothers. Their reactions to changes in the interaction process are unpredictable and incomprehensible.

As many researchers note, baby's attachment to mother is formed very early and goes through a number of stages in its development.

1.3. Influence attachment to mother on relationships with peers preschoolers

First gift mothers - life, the second is love, the third is understanding. Although the relationship between mother and the infant are fundamental to human relationships; their content and features began to be studied relatively recently. Our relationship with mother or person, which replaces it, believe it or not, they invade all spheres of our lives. From birth we learn from mother's intimacy, communication, setting personal boundaries and distance in relationships. The Mother shows us how to cope with failures and worries, unfulfilled expectations, loss and grief. A mother is a person who determines the quality of the emotional component of a person or, in other words, that part of our soul that is responsible for success in love and work.

Relationship with mother especially affect our capabilities:

Trust,

Accept love.

How our relationship developed or how our relationship will develop children with mother or person, which replaces it, depends on our understanding of security, freedom, self-esteem.

Role mother is so great, that there are already many confirmed experiments where it is proven that what happens to mother during pregnancy, not only with physical health, but with her feelings, experiences, is remembered by the child as her own experience and is subsequently reproduced in her life. Be very be careful For those who are expecting or planning a child, it is advisable to resolve all unresolved family and other life issues before pregnancy. Do everything to ensure that bearing a child brings only positive emotions. What and how the mother says, desires, reacts to events, expresses emotions, is recorded in the child’s memory and subsequently affects his entire life. Above all others, the child’s organic need for physical and emotional contact with mother. Violation of such an important need can cause various forms of mental ill-being. Child is a fetus maternal body, and even having separated from it, becoming physically more and more autonomous, for a long time he will still need the warmth of this body, the touches mothers, in her caress. And all his life, having already become an adult, he will need her love. He is, first of all, a direct physical continuation of her, and narrower, therefore his psychological dependence on her is organic.

Between mother and the child develops a special look attachments, sometimes lasting a lifetime. This attachment can be healthy, promoting the development of the child and negative, holding back the child’s maturation and development.

What can make this attachment healthy and not destructive?

Ability mothers feel and respond to any signals from the child, such as a glance, a smile, crying, babbling...

Ability to be responsive and attentive to needs;

Help in overcoming difficulties (starting from early childhood).

All this helps to build a relationship with the child based on cooperation. This type of relationship completely excludes “adjust the child to your needs”, regardless of his needs and desires.

healthy affection for mother, laid down in early childhood, affects the child’s behavior in the future. In the process of repeated interactions with mother The child develops so-called “working models of himself and other people.” In adulthood, they help him navigate new situations, interpret them and respond appropriately.

healthy attachment to the mother makes it clear to the child, That:

That other people are as reliable as the mother;

Predictable;

Others can be trusted.

The mother is especially responsible for developing a sense of trust in the child in herself, the world, and other people.

Unhealthy attachment is formed then, When: - in a relationship mothers and the child has insensitivity to the child’s initiative;

Neglect of the interests and needs of the child;

Obsessive, controlling relationship style;

Lack of spontaneity in communication.

Unhealthy attachment is also formed when the child is treated with sensitivity only during moments of his illness. Subsequently, such people realize that in order to receive love and care, they must get sick. This is how chronic diseases begin to form, the cause of which may well be a subconscious desire to receive sympathy from loved ones. Some mothers are sincere, but inconsistent in emotional interaction with the child. They are either overly sensitive or cold and unavailable. Inability to predict behavior mothers causes reactions of anxiety and anger in the baby, the child finds himself in a situation of unpredictable, uncertain, which can strengthen his negative behavior. Differences in quality attachments to mother also influences the romantic, intimate interpersonal relationships of adults.

In addition, it has already been experimentally proven that the style attachments, which develops in early childhood, influences a person’s relationship to work. Adults with Reliable Style attachment to mother and at work they feel confident, they are not afraid to make a mistake and do not allow their personal relationships to interfere with their work. For anxious ambivalence attachments people have a great dependence on praise and fear of rejection; they allow personal relationships to affect their activities. Such people often feel uncomfortable in life. Contact with mother, strong attachment it is extremely necessary for a child, especially from the moment of birth to 3 years. In the process of formation attachment to mother the foundation of adequate relationships with others is laid. Child communicating closely with mother, receives from it stimulation of various sense organs (temperature, sound, visual, through touch, i.e. tactile, etc., which contributes to the maturation of certain structural and functional systems of the brain. If in the first months of life the child is deprived mothers, then he exhibits such mental development disorders as limited ability to have normal relationships with people, aggressiveness, cruelty, irritability, impulsive behavior. In the future, such children there is a reduced ability for fantasy and abstract thinking, they are indiscriminate in their choice of friends and superficial in their relationships with them. Children raised by foster parents or even in an orphanage, but who receive enough affection and attention, can grow up to be harmonious individuals.

21 05.2016

Good afternoon, dear blog readers! I hope your kids haven't been giving you any trouble lately. I think that the kids delighted their parents with new manifestations and expressions of their love.

Tell me, is it possible to live a day and never kiss a baby? Can you do this? I have no. I always want to hold my little bees to my heart, straighten their wings and not let them go to distant flowers! Do you understand what I'm talking about? I think yes. But the bees, in turn, are also not ready to let me go to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

And it becomes clear to us that the formation of attachment in a child is the emergence and strengthening of a close emotional connection, which can be maintained during separation. We feel anxious when we are forced to leave our fidget with strangers if we urgently need to leave the house. It's normal for us to worry about our baby. But often we have no idea how difficult it is for a child to spend these few hours without his parents. And this is also a variant of the norm. After all, the baby is attached to you with all his soul, and this is a test for him.

The connections are strong, different and therefore beautiful

Attachment does not appear out of nowhere; it develops and is formed from the very beginning of every person’s life journey. Let us clarify that we are talking about traditional families, where the birth of a child is an event painted in positive colors.

Thus, if attachment has the ability to develop, it is logical to assume that it also has certain characteristics and forms of this development. In this case we are talking about stages of attachment formation. Let's consider them in the context of each age period.

• From birth to 3 months. During early infancy, the baby does not separate adults, but through a set of social manifestations (smiling, reaching out, clinging) he tries to influence his mother (most often) and tries to become inseparable with her (tie her to himself).

At this stage, it is important for the mother to provide developmental care for the newborn. Here, the formation of relationships occurs through the introduction of tactile influence through the skin (touch), hearing (affectionate voice) and vision (smile, open gaze). That is, in the process of forming intimacy with the baby, all senses and the emotional sphere are involved. For emotional comfort and increased tactile contact between mother and baby, many people use co-sleeping with their newborn.

• From 3 to 6 months. The child already distinguishes his own from strangers. He usually singles out one object of love, the one on whom the baby counts at any given time, the person who adequately and quickly responds to the call. Of course, this is most often attachment to the mother.

The development of relationships continues at the level of physical contact and positive emotional sensations. The age of up to 6 months is extremely important for the formation of attachment due to the fact that the child will not be able to fully develop without emotional support.

• From 6 months to 3 years. Here I would divide the period from 1 year to 2 years, then to 3 years, as the Canadian psychologist did Gordon Neufeld, who created the attachment theory of maturation in 1999. According to his theory, in the 2nd year of life, a type of attachment is formed through imitation of a significant adult. The absence of such a process leads to disruption of adequate development. At this age, skills can be formed to take into account the state of another person and change one’s behavior in accordance with this.

From 2 to 3 years old, the baby learns to distinguish himself as an independent member of the family and determine his belonging to it. The concepts “mine”, “I am my mother’s”, “my mother” appear. If a sense of belonging is not formed, the child becomes disoriented in the world, and this manifests itself in behavior. Then the baby looks for another significant person or group. Or he tries to oppose everyone, choosing the position “against everyone.”

• From 3 to 6 years. Let’s separate this point a little and look more specifically at each age stage. So, at 3–4 years old, a child’s importance to an adult is important. At this stage, the goal appears to “earn” love, they need confirmation that they are loved. Such children, upon becoming adults, transfer this model of behavior through “deserving” love to the object of interest.

At 5 years of age Children form an emotional attachment when, speaking about feelings, the baby actually conveys them to a loved one. By 6 years The child develops the most complex type of attachment - through understanding. This level is necessary to fully disclose oneself to loved ones. The baby learns to share his experiences and secrets so that his loved ones can understand him better. If such an understanding is not formed, in the future the child determines the family’s attitude towards him in a few words: “They don’t understand me.”

N. B. What does this mean? How to prevent this?

Works of psychologists on attachment

The stages of attachment formation are described very clearly and reliably in the already mentioned work of G. Neufeld. Studying the issue of children's behavior and conducting a comparative analysis of the works of other scientists gave impetus to the Canadian psychologist and psychotherapist to create his view on attachment in children.

He defines the process of growing up as natural and natural if favorable conditions are created for this. But this process freezes and stops if conditions are not favorable. Having gone through all the stages of attachment formation, the child easily grows into an adult harmonious personality. If at any of the stages, especially the initial ones, the formation of attachment is disrupted, maturation is delayed, or degenerates into an inadequately formed attitude towards oneself and others.

And here is the author of the book How Love Shapes a Child's Brain by Sue Gerhardt, argues that love is necessary for a baby from birth, especially in the first years of life, as a means of brain development. Maintaining emotional connections and parental love shape personal development at all levels. This is extremely useful information for parents who are afraid of spoiling their child with love and spoiling him. There is nothing better for the development of a child’s psyche than understanding that a child needs parental love.

In the same context, we can recommend reading a book by a psychologist L. Petranovskaya “Secret support: attachment in a child’s life.” We are talking about that same unconditional love that can work miracles and move mountains. The author provides answers to many parental “Why?” in accessible language. and in a simple form helps to understand our actions towards our own child. Choosing the concept of education with love is undoubtedly the right choice in a difficult time of callousness and indifference of people to each other.

How to diagnose attachment

One of the most used methods for diagnosing attachment is the Ainsworth technique. It contains psychological tests for parents to determine sensitivity towards the child, and tasks for children and parents to assess the type of attachment. Situations are created for the subjects in which there is a clear expression of emotions and a manifestation of feelings. The technique can be processed based on the results obtained. At the end of the experiment, a conclusion is formulated about the level and form of attachment in the child.

Unfortunately, diagnostic methods do not answer the question of how to recognize attachment disorders. In a situation of suspicion, you can only use the method of observation, as the main one, of the child in various life situations. His attitude towards familiar and unfamiliar people is described and an analysis of reactions to certain situations is carried out.

Before the examination, it is necessary to consult a doctor to exclude neurological disorders that can distort the diagnostic result.

Violation of attachment can be noticed already at the age of about 1 year and certain conclusions can be drawn about the causes and methods of correction can be developed.

It is worth mentioning that early separation of a child from his mother and lack of emotional and physical contact are the main causes of attachment disorders in children. Especially when it comes to children adopted by new parents. Forming and returning attachment is possible only in a child aged about 6 months. But there are very few, almost no, cases of such early adoption of babies from shelter homes.

And with age, when a child is accustomed to sharing his feelings between several adults who care for him (educators, nannies), it is often an unpleasant surprise for his adoptive parents that their son or daughter can easily agree to contact with any adult. That is, such children do not differentiate between their newly acquired parents and their neighbors on the playground. And the reason for this is a violation of the formation of attachment in early infancy.

Test for parents. Want to check if your child has formed an attachment? You can test at home by choosing the Ainsworth method. Or by ticking the items where you would answer “Yes”.

• The child responds to your smile

• There is no fear in his gaze, he can answer you with his eyes

• Seeks closeness, especially in moments of fear or pain.

• Looks for solace from you

• When separated, worries (within age characteristics)

• Plays cooperative games with you

• Does not allow strangers in, is afraid of them

• Fulfills your requests and listens to advice

Strengthening the bonds

A child's attachment can be strengthened in different ways. The main thing is to have something to strengthen. So, you can consider various options for games and activities that strengthen attachment. We will list a few for each age category.

From birth to 1 year.

Provide as much skin-to-skin contact as possible with your child:

• practice co-sleeping
• feed on your lap,
• allow yourself to be fed
• smile and stroke each other's faces with your hands,
• organize a joint bath in the bath,
• Maintain skin-to-skin contact by placing the baby on his stomach.

1-3 years.

Apply the same methods and add new ones:

• doing things together (going to the supermarket, cooking lunch, sorting and washing things, cleaning, etc.),
• providing trust (helping to make a shopping list, pushing a cart in a store, putting groceries out of a bag, etc.).
• you can wear the same clothes or elements of them, allow you to be in the shoes of mom or dad while driving, at work, etc.

3-5 years.

Do not forget about the peculiarities of attachment as an accessory, avoid manifestations of jealousy. Add any joint games based on your child’s age and interests. Any activity will be useful for him if it is joint.

5-7 years.

The most difficult period of attachment formation. The baby trusts us with his secrets. Let's not be in debt, let's talk about our feelings.

Teach your child to identify his emotions and talk about them, defining them in words.

If an explosion suddenly occurs, apologize to the child and explain how you felt at that moment. There is no need to hide your feelings from your children, this way he will learn to express his own emotions, which means it will be easier to cope with them.

Don't forget to subscribe to blog updates. Always be up to date on how to care for your baby. Share your tips and experiences with other parents. Own and share information.

Hold tight the warm palm that once slipped into your hand. And thank fate, which gave you the happiness of being needed and loved just like that, for being you.

Watch the webinar with Lyudmila Petranovskaya about attachment and be sure to read her book, it's worth it!

A child's affection is one of the most precious gifts given to us by nature. We just need to learn how to develop and support it correctly. In the name of our children. In the name of their happy future.

Strong affection and all the best to you! See you soon.

Hello, dear friends, readers and guests. Most recently, I talked about opening a Club of Caring Parents, and on February 12, our first meeting took place, which was devoted to the issue of children's independence. Parents have already begun to ask their first questions, and today I would like to talk about the child’s attachment to his mother. I was prompted to write this article by the question that a child at the age of 1.7 years does not allow his mother to take a step. Her daughter needs her presence all the time and does not leave her alone.

I would like to immediately note that this is an absolutely normal situation for any child. It is clear that during the first year of life my mother was tired, because... The baby requires a lot of attention in terms of care, hygiene procedures, and also needs affection and constant physical contact. And so, when the baby reaches the age of 1 year, many mothers hope to relax and expect that the child will demand less attention and be more independent while the mother goes about her business.

But then a month passes, two, three, six..., and the child, having learned to move independently, now does not give the opportunity for privacy at all, even in the bathroom or toilet. The baby’s affection is so great that sometimes thoughts come to mind that something is being done wrong, and the child will never be able to be independent and will not leave his mother alone.

To dispel doubts and worries, I will try to explain how the normal development of a child’s attachment to his mother occurs at different age periods. All data will be based on J. Bowlby's theory of attachment.

Phase 1 from birth to 3 months

Immediately after birth, children hear voices and see human faces. During the first weeks of life, you may see babies sometimes smiling before falling asleep. Smiles, of course, are not social, not conscious, and not directed at people. Until about 3 months, your baby will smile at any face he sees.

The main thing is that it is completely visible. The mother's voice or her caress does not have as strong an effect on the baby as her face. Nevertheless, the baby’s smile evokes a reciprocal smile from the mother, who happily responds, strokes the child, and takes him in her arms. Such mutual love increases the chances that the child will be a viable and healthy person.

In addition to smiling, babies establish a connection with their mother and strengthen their attachment with the first babbling, crying, clinging and sucking. All these actions, actions and reflexes encourage the mother to interact with the baby and establish contact with him.

Phase 2 from 3 to 6 months

Starting from 3 months, the child’s behavior changes significantly. Many reflexes disappear, and social relationships become selective. From now on, children consciously smile at the sight of a familiar face, while strangers arouse suspicion. Babbling and humming appear only in the presence of those adults who are constantly nearby and are well known to the kids.

Most often, children single out 2-3 people they know, where one of them (most often the mother) stands out especially. The strongest attachment arises for the person who most readily responds to their signals and participates in various pleasant procedures with the baby.

Phase 3 from 6 months to 3 years

Around 6 months, the baby's attachment to his mother gains momentum and becomes intense and exclusive. At this time, children actively protest if their mother leaves their field of vision. They begin to cry, showing their dissatisfaction and anxiety. After the mother returns, the baby reaches out to her, wants to be in her arms and is very happy if the mother responds to his calls and rejoices at the reunion.

Children are already beginning to be afraid of strangers and new situations. Also, by this time, children are able to crawl, so they make additional efforts to maintain contact with the missing parent. As their motor capabilities expand, children actively follow their parents and demand to be held.

at 1-2 years old, children can move not only towards their parents, but also away from them. At this age, a vigorous research interest awakens, therefore, on a walk or in a room where there are toys, babies, after standing next to their mother for a certain time, make their attempts to explore the world on their own. At the same time, he will often turn back or return to her to find support in the form of smiles or glances. If at the same time the mother does not notice the baby or, even worse, is about to leave, then the baby will certainly follow her.

Until 2-3 years old, babies are very dependent on their mother and are worried about the need to constantly be with her. At this age, they do not accept any plans and goals pursued by their mother. For example, if you tell a 1.5-2 year old child that mom went to the store for 5 minutes, it will not change anything. The child will still want to go there with her.

And only at 3 years old can we say that childhood is over and the child is able to act as a partner. At this age, the baby already has some idea of ​​plans and can imagine what mom will do when she goes to the store. Accordingly, at this time the child is more willing to let his mother go on business.

I hope there is now a little more clarity on this issue. And the bewilderment and worry that the child will forever remain dependent and immature will pass.

1.1 Features of building relationships between mother and child in the context of theoretical research

Child-parent relationships are the most important condition for the mental development of a child. It has been scientifically proven that insufficient communication between the baby and the mother leads to mental development delays and various types of deviations.

Thus, the characteristics of maternal behavior can influence the development of the child.

The problem of psychological readiness for motherhood is the most important in terms of developmental, preventive and correctional work in the field of psychology of motherhood and the relationship between mother and child in the first years of his life.

According to D. Bowlby, innate means of stimulating maternal care are such manifestations of child behavior as crying, smiling, sucking, grasping, babbling, etc. According to D. Bowlby, a child’s crying affects the mother at the level of physiological reactions. In turn, the child’s smile and babble encourage the mother to take various actions that demonstrate their approval.

It has been proven that for the formation of communication, establishing contact between the views of an adult and a child is of great importance. At the same time, a social smile and eye contact are a kind of encouragement, a reward for maternal care. “Can we doubt,” writes D. Bowlby, “that the more and better a baby smiles, the more he is loved and the more he is cared for. For survival purposes, babies are designed to exploit and enslave their mothers.”

In addition, in addition to the ability to attract and maintain attention, the child is also endowed with an avoidance mechanism. Vivid signals of interruption of interaction are crying, screaming, hiccups, yawning, and vigorous movements of arms and legs.

Thus, when communicating with the mother, the child is not a passive object of influence; he is able to regulate maternal behavior through the available means of communication.

Filippova G.G. studied the problem of readiness for motherhood of women expecting a child.

Personal readiness: general personal maturity; adequate age and gender identification; ability to make decisions and take responsibility; strong attachment; personal qualities necessary for effective motherhood.

Adequate model of parenting: the adequacy of the models of maternal and paternal roles formed in one’s family in relation to the model of personality, family and parenting of one’s culture; optimal parental attitudes, position, educational strategies, maternal attitude for the birth and upbringing of a child.

Motivational readiness: maturity of motivation for the birth of a child, in which the child does not become: a means of gender-role, age and personal self-realization of a woman; a means of retaining a partner or strengthening a family; a means of compensating for their parent-child relationships; a means of achieving a certain social status, etc.

Formation of maternal competence: attitude towards the child as a subject of physical and mental needs and subjective experiences; sensitivity to stimulation from the child; the ability to adequately respond to the child’s manifestations; the ability to focus on the characteristics of his behavior and his own condition to understand the child’s conditions; a flexible attitude to the regime and an orientation towards the individual rhythm of the child’s life in the early period of his development; necessary knowledge about the physical and mental development of the child, especially the age-related characteristics of his interaction with the world; ability to work together with a child; parenting and teaching skills that are appropriate to the child’s age.

Formation of the maternal sphere.

Motherhood as part of a woman’s personal sphere includes three blocks, the content of which is sequentially formed in a woman’s ontogenesis. In the emotional-need aspect: reaction to all components of the gestalt of infancy (physical, behavioral and productive-activity characteristics of the child); unification of the components of the gestalt of infancy on the child as an object of the maternal sphere; the need to interact with the child, to care for him; the need for motherhood (to experience states corresponding to the performance of maternal functions). In operational terms: operations of verbal and non-verbal communication with the child; adequate style of emotional support for interaction with the child; child care operations with the necessary style characteristics (confidence, care, gentle movements). In value-semantic terms: adequate value of the child (the child as an independent value) and motherhood; optimal balance of maternal values ​​and other need-motivational spheres of a woman.

In the works of S.Yu. Meshcheryakova highlighted the concept of “maternal competence”. According to the author, maternal competence is determined not only by the mother’s ability to provide physiological care for the child, but also by her knowledge of the basic psychological characteristics of the child and her ability to satisfy them. The level of maternal competence already in the first months of a child’s life is determined by how she provides the conditions for the development of emotional communication and the formation of attachment in the infant.

It is emotional communication at this stage that is the main condition for the full mental development of the child. Communication is an interaction between mother and child when partners alternately address each other as a subject, an individual, expressing their attitude and taking into account the influence of the partner, and both partners are proactive.

S.Yu. Meshcheryakova identifies the following reasons for the lack of communication between mother and child:

The amount of communication is reduced due to the child’s refusal to rock the child to sleep, refusal to talk to the child, and ignoring the child’s crying;

Failure to satisfy the baby’s need for attention, which is signaled by the child’s crying, due to which parents are deprived of the opportunity to express their love and tenderness to the child in a timely manner, and thus make it difficult for him to develop confidence in parental love, security, and in his “need” to others;

Interacting with a child only on their own initiative, acting not based on the interests and needs of the child, adults deprive the child of the opportunity to develop his own initiative, since they do not allow him to feel like he is the cause of what is happening.

E.O. Smirnova also highlights communication as an important condition for a child’s development in childhood. Communication for a child, according to the author, is the main source of the child’s experiences and becomes for him the main condition for the formation of personality. In communication, the formation of such mental qualities of the child as: self-esteem, thinking, imagination, speech, feelings, emotions, etc. occurs.

E.O. Smirnova believes that a child’s personality, his interests, self-understanding, consciousness and self-awareness can only arise in relationships with adults. Without the love, attention and understanding of close adults, a child cannot become a full-fledged person.

M.I. Lisina considered communication between a child and an adult as a kind of activity, the subject of which is another person. The psychological essence of the need for communication, according to M.I. Lisina, consists in the desire to know oneself and other people.

In accordance with the research of M.I. Lisina, throughout childhood, four forms of communication appear and develop in a child, which characterize his mental development.

In the normal development of a child, each form develops at a certain age. Thus, the situational-personal form of communication appears in the second month of life and remains the only one until six to seven months. In the second half of life, situational business communication with adults is formed, in which the main thing for the child is joint play with objects. This communication remains leading for up to 4 years. At the age of four to five years, when the child already has a good command of speech and can talk with an adult on abstract topics, non-situational-cognitive communication becomes possible.

In the works of S.V. Kornitskaya studied the influence of mother-infant communication and the formation of the child’s sense of attachment to the mother. The author's research describes an experiment in which children of the first and second half of life were offered various forms of communication. Infants of the first half of the year were equally pleased with all three types of communication. Their need for friendly attention was satisfied by the gentle, calm voice of an adult and individual attention to him.

By the end of the first year, children preferred situational business communication with adults. Which indicates attachment to an adult as an object to satisfy the need for communication. The emergence and development of situational business communication affects the attitude towards an adult and sensitivity to his influences. In the first half of the year, infants react equally to the positive and negative influences of an adult, in both cases showing positive emotions. In the second half of the year, the picture of the child’s behavior changes.

Thus, a child is able to evaluate himself as a person, compare himself with other people, form self-esteem and evaluate others when communicating with other people. In addition, by experiencing a certain connection with another person (love, friendship, respect), the child learns about the world by joining a community of people. In such a connection, new knowledge is not acquired (we do not learn anything new), but at the same time, it is in relationships with others that the child finds, realizes himself, discovers and understands others in all their (and his) integrity and uniqueness and in this sense knows himself and others.

In the works of L.I. Bozhovich's mother is seen as a source of satisfying the child's need for impressions. At an early age, it is the mother’s behavior that ensures the emergence, based on the need for impressions, of the need for communication (in the form of emotional interaction).

According to N.N. Avdeeva, a child’s attachment to his mother is the most important acquisition of infancy. At the same time, signs of attachment are manifested in the fact that the object of attachment can better calm and comfort the baby than others; the baby turns to him for comfort more often than others; In the presence of an attachment figure, the infant is less likely to experience fear.

M. Ainsworth connects the infant's attachment to the mother and the quality of care for him. According to M. Ainsworth, the baby is more attached to the mother, the more mothers show the greatest sensitivity and responsiveness to the child.

The author identified some characteristics of mothers that contribute to the formation of a secure attachment: sensitivity, expressed in quick and adequate reactions to the baby’s signals; positive attitude (expression of positive emotions, love towards the baby); support (constant emotional support for the child’s actions); stimulation (frequent use of actions that guide the child).

Attachment has a certain value for the infant in terms of security and self-preservation. First of all, it gives the child a feeling of confidence when interacting with the surrounding world of objects and people, and also contributes to the adequate socialization of the child.

Abulkhanova – Slavskaya K.A. notes that the child is not an object of educational influence, but is an ally in common family life. A special feature of the interaction between a child and his mother is the fact that in the process of this communication, children have an educational impact on the parents themselves. Under the influence of communication with their own children, engaging in various forms of communication with them, performing special actions to care for the child, parents change significantly in their mental qualities, their inner mental world is noticeably transformed.

Thus, only in the productive joint activity of a mother and an early child, in the process of its implementation, does a constructive dialogue occur between mother and child.

In short, the role of the mother and her behavior are decisive in the further mental, emotional and social development of the child.

1.2 Psychological aspects of the formation of the maternal sphere

Psychological research proves that readiness for motherhood develops in stages. In psychology, there are 6 stages in the formation of the maternal sphere. And the main driving factor in the development of a child in the first years of life is the full implementation of the maternal sphere.

A.I. Zakharov identifies the following periods in the development of the “maternal instinct”: the girl’s relationship with her parents; gaming behavior; stages of sexual identification - puberty and adolescence. At the same time, the features of the manifestation of motherhood entirely depend on the psychological content of the stages of ontogenesis and create the prerequisites for harmonious relations between mother and child.

Interaction with the mother at an early age occurs at all stages of the girl’s development in the process of her communication with her mother. At the same time, the most important thing for the formation of a full-fledged maternal sphere at this stage is the age of the girl up to three years. This stage is characterized by the assimilation of the emotional meaning of the parent-child relationship.

According to L.S. Vygotsky, insufficiently formed attachment of the expectant mother to close adults can lead to fragile attachments with her own child in the future. In addition, the quality of the mother-daughter bond and its influence on the daughter's maternal sphere is determined not only by attachment, but also by the style of emotional communication and the mother's participation in the daughter's emotional life.

Representatives of the psychoanalytic approach are of the opinion that the mother’s attitude towards the child is laid before his birth. At the same time, the unborn child receives emotional experience of communication with the mother already at this stage of its development. Subsequently, this emotional experience influences the formation and content of the girl’s maternal sphere.

Thus, a positive experience of communication with the mother is a favorable condition for the formation of a subjective attitude towards other people and one’s own children.

An equally important stage in the development of the maternal sphere is the stage of including the content of motherhood in play activities. During the game, the girl takes on the role of a mother for the first time, and depending on the plot of the game, the child experiences different roles in the relationship and interaction between mother and child. Such a child’s implementation of the mother’s role in game situations and the modeling of real behavior during the game makes it possible to play out female options for a woman’s gender-role behavior, as well as to consolidate maternal motives and actions and gain emotional experience associated with motherhood.

During the babysitting stage, the child gains real experience with babies, as well as skills in handling a small child.

The most sensitive age for the formation of the maternal sphere at the nursing stage is the age of the child from 6 to 10 years. During this period, the child has a clear idea of ​​the peculiarities of interaction between an adult and an infant. And the main content of this stage is the transfer of the features of interaction with a doll mastered in the game to real interactions with the baby. During adolescence, girls develop an emotional and positive attitude towards the baby during the babysitting stage.

The complete absence of the babysitting stage in ontogenesis can form negative emotional reactions to children.

The next stage in the formation of the maternal sphere is the stage of differentiation of the sexual and maternal spheres. The gender component is included in the structure of the female role in adolescence. At the same time, disharmony between sexual and sexual behavior is the main reason for the defective development of motherhood. This subsequently leads to distorted maternal functioning.

Another important basis for the disharmony in the development of the sexual and maternal spheres is the mental and social infantilism of the expectant mother, which manifests itself when demonstrating her own sexuality and in sexual behavior in general.

It has been proven that the most significant stage in the development of the maternal sphere is the stage of interaction with one’s own child. Since the main filling and structuring of the maternal sphere occurs during bearing, caring for and raising a child. This stage includes: pregnancy, childbirth, the postpartum period, and the period of infancy of the child.

There are 9 main periods of this stage of development of the maternal sphere:

Identification of pregnancy;

The period before the sensation of movement begins;

The appearance and stabilization of sensations of the child moving;

Seventh and eighth months of pregnancy;

Prenatal;

Childbirth and the postpartum period;

Newborn;

Joint-shared activities of mother and child;

The emergence of interest in the child as a person.

The final stage in the development of the maternal sphere is considered to be the stage of formation of the mother’s emotional attachment to the child. This occurs on the basis of the dynamics of the mother’s emotional relationship with the child in the process of its development.

Thus, even in the womb, close and emotional contact between the mother and the unborn child is established.

The mother’s ideas about childbirth and the postpartum period, as well as her ideas about raising the child and his individual characteristics, are, according to G.G. Filippova, an indicator of the successful development of the maternal sphere and, as a consequence, a positive attitude towards the unborn child.

The formation of emotional closeness in relationships with a child begins in the prenatal period and continues to develop after childbirth. In this case, a special role in the formation of emotional intimacy is given to mutual sensory stimulation while caring for the baby.

The ability to identify the child's needs and organize the mother's own actions, which are formed in the process of caring for the newborn, depend on maternal competence and attitude towards the child.

Within the framework of the psychoanalytic approach, the mother’s competence is determined by the peculiarity of her condition, which allows her to identify with the child.

In social learning theory, this process is considered as mutual learning of mother and child to send and recognize signals about their states in the process of interaction.

Thus, the attitude towards the child is formed, stabilized and consolidated during pregnancy, going through phases of symbiosis and separation.

Initially, in the symbiosis phase, the woman’s attitude towards the child is identified with the attitude towards herself, while the child appears to the woman as something one with herself, she does not differentiate the child as a separate being.

At the separation phase, the subjects of the “mother-child” relationship are separated in the consciousness of a pregnant woman, and the child is already presented as independent in his needs and behavioral reactions. Individualization of the child and attitude towards him as a subject is an important characteristic of the maternal relationship, which allows the mother not only to take into account the individual characteristics of the child, but also to flexibly vary the styles of communication with him. Therefore, timely passage of the separation phase contributes to the establishment of optimal maternal-child relationships in the newborn period.

Disturbances in the interaction between mother and child during the newborn period have negative consequences not only for the child’s personality, but also for the further formation of the woman’s maternal sphere.

During the period of joint-separation activity between mother and child, the woman has already formed a certain style of emotional interaction with the baby, the operational-behavioral side of motherhood has been fixed, and the life situation has been built taking into account the presence of a child. Further filling of the maternal sphere occurs in connection with the care and care of the child in the process of its development, the development of parenting styles, and living through situations that require the mother to realize her function as the object of the child’s attachment.

The next period in the formation of motherhood is the emergence of interest in the child as an individual, and occurs in the second year of the child’s life. During this period, the mother’s functions are complicated by the need to change her relationship with the child. Mothering must now combine security and independence. Therefore, the formation of a harmonious maternal relationship in this period depends on the degree of sensitivity of the mother to the needs and problems of the child, as well as her motivation to participate in play activities, and interest in the ways the child sets and solves play problems.

The mother’s constant participation in the child’s life, on the one hand, and giving him the opportunity to be the initiator in his motives and actions, on the other, contribute to the development and maintenance of emotional closeness in relationships, observation of the child’s personal changes, and the mother’s interest in his individual, independent path of development.

Only the stable dominance of the child’s value and an adequate style of emotional maternal relationship can provide the opportunity to develop a personal attitude towards the child and maintain his emotional well-being in life situations.

1.3 Basic conditions for the formation of emotional closeness and trusting communication between mother and child

Personal relationships between mother and child are established in the process of interaction and mutual influence on each other. V.A. Petrovsky insists that “joint activity and active communication between adults and children, their cooperation and community in real, living contacts with each other - this is the environment in which the personality of a child and the personality of an adult as an educator arise and develop.”

In the process of repeated interactions with the mother and other loved ones, the child develops “working models of himself and other people” that help him navigate in society. A positive model of communication can be formed under the influence of trusting, attentive and caring communication with the mother. Disharmonious relationships convince the child of the negativism and danger of the surrounding reality.

Also, in the process of interaction with the mother, the child develops a “model of himself.” With positive communication it is initiative, independence, confidence and self-respect, and with negative communication it is passivity, dependence on others, and an inadequate self-image.

In addition, the child transfers the primary attachment formed in childhood to communication with peers. Thus, children with secure attachment are socially competent in interactions with peers.

Due to the mother’s positive attitude towards the child and sensitivity to his needs, the baby develops a feeling of security and support, which he transfers to further communication with other people, as well as a secure attachment to the mother.

Mothers who are inconsistent in showing care for the baby, showing either enthusiasm or indifference depending on their mood, have children who demonstrate insecure attachment.

Exploring the parental position as the real direction of the educational activity of parents, arising under the influence of the motives of education, its adequacy, flexibility, predictability, A. S. Spivakovskaya attracts such a feature as the ability of a parent to see, understand the individuality of his child, to notice the changes taking place in his soul. “Constant tactful peering, feeling into the emotional state, the inner world of the child, the changes occurring in him, especially his mental structure - all this creates the basis for deep mutual understanding between children and parents at any age.” Such sensitivity to the child is determined by the general emotional a value-based attitude towards it, which is the basis of interaction between a parent and a child, and it is no coincidence that it is used to characterize parental attitudes, parenting styles, and types of family education.

In the studies of S.Yu. Meshcheryakova has proven that by quickly responding to the child’s crying and positive or negative emotions, the mother shows high sensitivity to the baby, thereby creating favorable conditions for his development.

Such a mother provides the child with personal qualities in advance; She interprets any manifestations of the baby as appeals to her.

In this case, an atmosphere of emotional communication is involuntarily organized, which awakens in the child the need for communication.

The mother's sensitivity to the child's manifestations and the emotional intensity of her calls to him ensure emotional communication between the child and mother. In the process of joint communication with the mother, the child develops such personality qualities as: attachment to the mother, positive self-awareness, and a sense of security.

The study by E. Poptsova discusses the reasons for a mother’s more or less emotionally warm relationship with her child. According to the author, it is associated with the socio-economic status, cultural level, age of the mother, and the experience of her own upbringing in the parental family.

AND I. Varga defines parental attitude as an integral system of various feelings towards the child, behavioral stereotypes practiced in communication with him, characteristics of upbringing and understanding of the child’s character and his actions. Parental attitude is a multidimensional formation, including integral acceptance or rejection of the child, interpersonal distance, i.e. the degree of closeness of the parent to the child, the form and direction of control over his behavior. Discussing aspects of the parental relationship (emotional, cognitive, behavioral), the author believes that the emotional component occupies a leading position.

A.I. Sorokina, studying the development of an emotional relationship with an adult in the first year of life, studied children with different communication experiences: infants from families and from orphanages. The results of the study showed that infants from an orphanage experiencing a lack of communication show positive emotions when exposed to negative influences from an adult, while children from families begin to react negatively to them already at the end of the first half of the year.

The experience of communication also affects the intensity and variety of emotional manifestations of infants. In the first half of the year, family children show more bright smiles, joyful vocalizations, and vigorous manifestations of motor activity than children from an orphanage. In the second half of the year, their negative emotions are more diversely expressed: family children become offended, angry, whine pitifully, and display many shades of dissatisfaction, embarrassment, and “coquetry”; orphans predominantly show constraint, fear and mild discontent.

According to Mukhamedrakhimov R.Zh., violations of the social and emotional interaction of the child and mother contribute to the manifestation of loneliness in the child at an older age. At the same time, the author argues that the mother’s presence in a stressful situation leads to negative consequences and negatively affects the child’s psyche.

Emotional deprivation that occurs in the mother-child relationship at an early age can negatively affect the mother-child relationship, as well as the child’s ability to establish contact with peers, which in turn can negatively affect the child’s emotional and social well-being.

In his research, Mukhamedrakhimov R.Zh insists that the most harmonious and emotionally favorable relationship between mother and child is established when the child and mother live in a family, in conditions of emotional, economic, social, physical stability, predictability, and security. When the mother, from the very birth of the child, is focused on understanding him, is sensitive and responsive to his signals and impulses, sensitively captures and promptly satisfies the child’s needs.

D. Stern established that the mother’s behavior in communication with the baby differs from communication with older children and is expressed in the following features: the “childishness” of the mother’s speech addressed to the baby; increased pitch of the voice and its melodiousness. According to the psychologist, this form of behavior has great meaning for the mental development of the child. During the pause between calls, an infant capable of imitation is able to respond to the mother’s initiative with vocal imitation, which in turn encourages her to continue the interaction that has begun and change behavior, adapting to the child. And the baby, receiving a positive communication experience, will subsequently respond to these initiatives, which will subsequently lead to a dialogue between mother and child.

Also, D. Stern notes the slow formation and long retention of a particularly emotional facial expression and the repetition of actions, unusual in the tempo and rhythm of movements of approaching and moving away from the baby. The repertoire of expressive facial expressions is limited and does not change: an expression of surprise - to show readiness or an invitation to interact; smiling or expressing interest to maintain contact. The mother frowns or looks away if she wants to end the interaction, and when avoiding it, maintains a neutral expression.

Thus, the stereotypical behavior of the mother when interacting with the child, consisting of constant in content and stereotypical manifestations of behavior, creates in the child a feeling of stability and predictability of the world around him, a sense of security.

Between 2 and 6 months, mother and baby learn to interact with each other. They learn to read each other's start and end signals, take turns, and build long chains of interaction.

In the second half of life, the child moves to the stage of business communication. This transition is accompanied by the following signs.

At 6-7 months, the baby tries to attract his mother to joint actions, to draw her attention to some object. He willingly plays with toys, mastering all new actions. The main task of education during this period is to create conditions conducive to bringing substantive activity to the forefront.

From 9 months, the baby is already guided by the mother’s emotional reaction. At the same time, when faced with an uncertain situation, he seeks information to understand and assess the situation from a loved one, capturing the mother’s reaction to what is happening.

Mutual adaptation, the presence of the infant’s own social activity in interactions with the mother led to the conclusion: “The child and mother change each other. They both develop. Socialization is not a one-way, but a two-way enterprise: like education, it is essentially a joint affair.”

Thus, the mother’s influence on the child’s mental development is great, since the development of the child’s personality occurs in the process of objectifying the need for communication. The need for a “different” person, contact with him during communication and interaction is the driving force behind the formation and development of a child’s personality.