My husband constantly insults and humiliates me, what should I do? A husband constantly insults his wife, or Is it worth saving the family boat?

Hello, dear readers! “Each day is not much better than the previous one. It is much easier when the husband is at work. You look forward to the evening with some trepidation. Oh, it's better not to come home at all. How much longer will I endure all this? - this is exactly what a third of women on the planet think. The situation is not that uncommon.

When asked why a husband insults and humiliates his wife, psychology gives many disappointing answers, but you need to understand them. Since, I am sure that 99.9% of women have ever encountered this phenomenon. Many of them did not always come out of the situation with their heads held high and the door closed behind them.

Are you all right

If a husband constantly insults and humiliates his wife, finds a reason to get to the bottom of the fact that she is a “terrible housewife”, “a disgusting mother”, “no mistress” - it is unlikely that he wants to correct the woman and make her better in all respects.

The reason is never so simple and obvious. You will not be able to improve in all respects. This will not help pay off. Just think about it, most likely you haven’t been married for the first time, you haven’t gotten worse, you haven’t forgotten about the children. Most likely the reason is not in you, but in your husband.

What's wrong with him? There is a possibility that he is dissatisfied with himself. It is he who does not have a high salary, he has not achieved success in business, he is not appreciated at work. He doesn’t want to do anything with himself, correct the situation, or even look at real problems. It's much easier to correct you.

Pointing out a man's own failures is not the answer. He knows about them, but doesn’t even think about solving anything. You will only make the situation worse and anger him more. The only way out is to leave or wait until he understands the real reason of your dissatisfaction. The last option can take years, for some it takes less.

Alcohol

Able alcohol intoxication men become more relaxed. It’s not for nothing that they say that a sober man has it in his head, a drunk man has it on his tongue. Women who live with husbands who insult them only when he is drunk console themselves: “It’s not him talking, it’s all alcohol.”

In fact, the problem exists even when he is sober, although in this case he may suppress his own thoughts.

If a man has reached the point where he insults and humiliates you in front of strangers, in the presence of children, you can’t expect the situation to change and suddenly he will turn from a toad into a prince. He is already used to treating you this way, he is comfortable solving his problems in this way.

It is likely that the situation will soon spill over into sober life. If a person has crossed a certain line once, he can do it in a sober state. It will take some time, but it will definitely happen again.

By the way, some women themselves provoke men to such behavior. It catches fire, the woman adds fuel to the fire, and as a result, a quarrel breaks out. You don’t have to start nagging your husband right away. For the sake of experimentation, I would advise you to try not drinking with him and see what happens. Perhaps the problem is actually you? Maybe it's you who makes him react this way.

Another woman

Another reason for constant conflicts may be that he does not stop comparing you with another: she cooks better, understands him, cares. With her he feels

The real reason

Most important point for a woman - to understand the true cause of dissatisfaction. In each specific situation she may be her own.

For example, in families with a small child, the young man ceases to feel the care of his wife. He does not want to share his wife with the baby, but he is not able to say this. She can object to this with quite adequate arguments or simply bulge her eyes with condemnation.

He himself understands that. However, he can’t help himself. His dissatisfaction is expressed in those moments that he can get to the bottom of and will be right.

I would like to recommend you the book “ Secret successful families » Artem Tolokonin. The author talks about mature love, about how you can improve or. You will learn a little more about your husband, understand whether you need such a marriage and, if you want, find harmony.

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Your beloved husband begins to hurt you: insult, scream and humiliate you. Is it possible to fix this and return everything to normal?

Every woman's dream is Friendly family, loving husband and happy children. Every woman wants her husband to be not only a support, a protector, but also best friend, a person you can trust with absolutely everything.

A woman wants her husband to become the closest person in her life, whom she will never doubt, and who will support her in any circumstances.

But, unfortunately, not all our dreams always come true. And sometimes the unexpected happens...

What to do if your husband insults and humiliates you?

If your husband began to behave in such an inappropriate way, then you need to find out what caused this. Ask yourself questions: how long ago did the abuse begin, how long does it last, and what could be the reason for this?

1. If the humiliation and screaming began spontaneously, then think about what could have influenced his behavior. Maybe he has problems at work, with friends, colleagues? Or perhaps some unpleasant events or incidents occurred? Remember everything down to the smallest detail, or try to find out somehow, because this will significantly help you understand the situation.
2. But if you couldn’t remember, and you yourself understand that all this arose quite a long time ago, then try to bring your husband to an honest and frank conversation. During this conversation, you need to find out what is the reason for his behavior and why he became so rude to you.

Perhaps your husband has been waiting for this conversation and will answer you honestly, explaining what really happened.

TOP 6 possible reasons: why did the husband start screaming and threatening?

It happens, it happens that the husband does not tell what happened to him, what contributed to his aggression towards you. Instead of a confidential conversation, you only observe screams and irritability of your spouse. If your husband insults you, you must first think about the reason for this behavior.

The reasons for this behavior can be classified in several ways:

1. Spouse's feelings, towards you, have cooled down. This can happen in every married couple. Indeed, in a series of everyday worries and problems, the couple begins to forget how much they loved, how good it was together. The husband may not understand what is really happening, and instead of rekindling the fire of love for his wife, he begins to aggressively attack his wife and blame her for everything. He may be unhappy appearance wife, her behavior, loss of passion and tenderness, therefore she expresses her dissatisfaction through insults, yelling and humiliation.
2. He has a mistress. The man doesn’t dare tell you about this. It's shameful and disgusting. He understands this himself. Yes, and I don’t have enough courage. Therefore, the husband can begin to drive his wife out by screaming, eternal discontent and humiliation. Thus, he ensures that his wife decides to leave him. And it’s as if he’s not guilty of anything, and who’s left free in the end?
3. Your husband becomes disgusted with you. Because you are always grumbling, nagging, annoying. Well, the most important thing is that you launched yourself. He fell in love with the girl he saw for the first time: inspired, light, beautiful and well-groomed. And now they have become a simple housewife, and have probably already forgotten when they bought a sexy dress for themselves. Therefore, your husband loses respect and interest in you, and may even insult you, shout and humiliate you. He does not understand where the girl he fell in love with went to and why now he is forced to live with a completely different person.
4. Peacock man. If a man is handsome and arrogant, then there is a great danger that he will always humiliate and insult his wife. After all, she is not good enough for him, not smart and beautiful enough. And who can compare with him? Such husbands mostly have wives gray mice. After all, such women have low self-esteem and are constantly silent, and this provides excellent opportunities for the husband to mock his wife with impunity.
5. A man feels a woman's dependence on him. If a wife constantly looks into her husband’s mouth, remains silent and indulges his every word, then she automatically becomes his victim. In this situation, the husband can constantly insult and humiliate his wife, knowing that she will endure everything. After all, his wife is in a position that needs him. She tries not to irritate her husband once again and swallows all insults.
6. He is annoyed by your total control. A husband is not a child, and your control is not clear to him and causes irritation. Especially if you encroach on his personal space: look at his phone, look for information on the computer or his notepad. Respect your loved one's personal space. You shouldn’t follow him and try to control everything. After all, such behavior can end in quarrels, shouting and insults.

Once you have found out the reason for the aggression towards you, you need to start taking action.

Psychologists advise:

1. Don't yell back at your husband or be aggressive. Keep calm. Don't be like his behavior. It’s better to tell him that you are very hurt and offended when he does this. Let him feel ashamed that he offended you.
2. Don't tell everyone about your husband's behavior. Don't take quarrels out in public. After all, if you make up soon, then these rumors may reach him, and he will again become aggressive towards you.
3. Get yourself in order. Both externally and internally. Become more confident, bolder, more graceful and beautiful.
4. Invite your husband to visit the places where it all began for you, which have become very dear to you. Let them remind you of yours tender feelings, about your anxious dates and first kisses. This way you can reassure your husband and return his old feelings.
5. Review your wedding photo album, your favorite movies. Go to a concert together, unwind. Fill in positive emotions your relationship so that there is no place for insults and shouting in your life.
6. Talk to your spouse about how to eradicate the causes that cause such negative reactions. Try to find a compromise together so that this doesn't happen again.
7. Try to calm your husband down with your tenderness and affection. Tell him that you understand him, that a lot has fallen on him, that he no longer has enough strength and patience, and that’s why he became like this. Ask how you can help him, what can you do for him? Then, perhaps, your husband will understand that you are not his enemy, but that you are on his side. In this way, you will reassure your husband and be able to restore a trusting and harmonious relationship with him.

If a man does not stop humiliating you, then perhaps he feeds on your energy, and it gives him pleasure. Nothing will help here. There is only one piece of advice - leave!

What to do if your husband hits you?

The worst thing that can happen in a relationship is assault. But this, alas, also happens. What to do in in this case?

• You must immediately show your spouse that this is unacceptable for you! Explain to your husband that you do not intend to tolerate this.
• Under no circumstances should you find an excuse for him. After all, by forgiving him, you will only untie his hands even more.
• After this act, threaten him with the police or tell him that you will tell your loved ones everything, you have someone to stand up for you. And kick your husband out of the house. Or leave on your own. The husband must realize all the bitterness of the act he has committed. He must understand that he cannot do this to you!
• If a husband beats constantly, then he simply needs psychological help. After all, this is already a tyrant man. He has a lot of complexes and a huge lack of confidence in himself, first of all. In this case, only a psychologist can help him figure it out. But he must come to this consciously!

If the husband is not going to change, then there is only one way out - to run away from him as soon as possible. And don’t put yourself or your child at risk anymore.

What to do if your ex-husband humiliates you?

It also happens that you seem to be already divorced, but your ex-husband humiliates you...

There may be several reasons for this:

• He has been angry with you since he was married.
• There is a lot left unsaid.
• Perhaps he regretted that you broke up and wants to get you back. But you don't accept him back, so he gets aggressive.
• If you forbid him to see the child, then the ex may begin to insult you.
• He found out that you were speaking unfavorably about him.

When you see that your ex-husband wants to communicate with the child, and you forbid him, you cause another scandal. Why do you need this? Understand him too! And give a chance to establish a relationship with the child.

Don't say anything bad about ex-husband, because these conversations will soon reach him and cause a wave of indignation. He was once your spouse, respect your choice. If you said something bad about your ex, and he found out about it, sincerely apologize to him so that he does not have any more reasons to insult you.

If your husband is angry about something long ago, and there are a lot of unsaid things, then bring him out for a calm conversation. Discuss everything that worries both of you, and this may be quite enough to maintain a peaceful, civilized relationship.

Well, when you can’t come to peace, then try to reduce your communication to a minimum. Or stop communicating altogether.

How to protect yourself and your children

Your child receives enormous harm from your husband’s humiliation. Children are very sensitive to parental conflicts. They let everything pass through themselves and remember it for the rest of their lives.

We think that the child does not understand anything yet and is removed from conflicts. But in fact, it is the mother who is the child’s protection and support, and when she is insulted, the baby does not feel protected either. He begins to feel fear and irritation. Subsequently, parental conflicts have a very negative impact on the child’s psyche, disrupting it.

Therefore, in a situation where a husband humiliates his wife in front of a child, the psychologist’s advice is clear - stop it immediately!

You can take the child to the grandmothers and talk to your husband alone. Find out the reason for this behavior, explain your point of view, and promise each other: not to raise your voice and no longer insult each other!

If this cannot be done, then it is possible to seek help from psychologists, visit psychological trainings. But this can only help if the husband also wants to improve. And if he doesn’t really care, and he doesn’t want to change and continues to humiliate you, then don’t injure yourself or your child - leave!

conclusions

It is necessary to understand a simple truth: the situation cannot change on its own. You need to ask yourself questions:

• How can I influence the situation?
• What exactly can I do to make my husband stop humiliating and insulting me?
• Is this my fault?

When you answer these questions sincerely, you will have the opportunity to change everything and take the right path. Yes, crying to your girlfriends, complaining about your husband, and insulting him in response is much easier, but completely to no avail.

Of course, it is necessary to speak out, but only to a loved one whom you trust and who will not tell your problems to others. Yes, and you can cry. And sometimes it is necessary, but only for a short time. After all, any situation must be corrected with specific actions.

Therefore, pull yourself together, even though it will not be easy, and start taking action. You need to plan everything down to the smallest detail, you can even write it down detailed plan actions. You must clearly understand and realize how you will behave in the event of another inappropriate behavior of your spouse.

If you give up and put up with this behavior of your spouse, then everything will become much worse. And you will not only lose a lot of time, but you may not be able to get it back. past relationships. The situation will worsen significantly. He will understand that no one is stopping him, everything is allowed to him, so he will continue to insult and humiliate you, perhaps even in public.

Tolerate and suffer is not the answer! Is this how you want to live your whole life?

No, you deserve better! Therefore, fully understand your responsibility and start acting in the right direction. And perhaps soon your situation will change better side, or completely resolved.

To solve a problem, you first need to understand the reasons for its occurrence. There are common cases when men insult their wives, thus trying to protect their living space. This is how they react to requests not to stay late after work, not to go fishing with friends, and to other moments when the wife, from their point of view, introduces unpleasant prohibitions. In this case, you can try to come to an agreement with your spouse and clarify the situation.

Think about whether you are provoking your husband to insult you. If this is the case, you should adjust your behavior and be sure to discuss the problem with your spouse.

Men who are dissatisfied with their marriage or their lives in general often prefer not to talk about what bothers them, but to harass their wife with humiliation and insults, taking their anger out on her. You cannot tolerate such treatment, but you can try to reassure your husband and explain to him that his words only worsen the situation and do not help solve the problem at all.

The most difficult and unpleasant case is when a man offends his wife simply because similar model behavior was accepted in the family of his parents. An experienced psychologist can correct the situation in this case.

How to respond to insults

If your husband begins to offend you, you should first try to talk to him calmly. There is no need to raise your voice, much less humiliate him in response. Say that you would like to talk calmly, that the insults really upset you.

Sometimes it is simply not possible to move on to a constructive dialogue. In this case, you can either ignore the man’s words, or even leave the room or even the house in order to calm down yourself and not allow him to continue to offend you.

Discuss with the man the reasons for his behavior. Ask him to explain why he does this, and tell him how unpleasant it is for you to hear insults. There is no need to reproach or create a scandal. If your husband is still too angry and cannot talk calmly, think about what actions of yours he reacts aggressively to. Maybe you hurt his feelings or offended him in some way? In this case, the problem can be solved by changing your behavior and explaining to your husband that it is better to replace insults with simple and calm phrases about what does not suit him.

If neither talking, nor changing behavior, nor talking to a psychologist, nor ignoring you has not worked, and your husband continues to mistreat you for no objective reason, it may be time to think about ending the relationship. Allowing a man to hurt you and save a family in which the spouse does not love, but offends his wife, is not worth it.

Let's immediately say that problems happen in any family, regardless of the age of the spouses, their financial situation, number of children and place of residence. Of course, each nationality differs in its views on the family structure, and the fact that European woman will seem like an infringement of her rights, the woman will perceive her husband’s “ownership” as justified. But, fortunately, Domostroy has long since sunk into oblivion, therefore, in the field of interpersonal (including love) relationships, we will be guided only by such concepts as a civilized approach to any problem.

Emotionality or gaps in education?

Husband offends, allows himself to be incontinent in his expressions? Observe how communication occurs in his family. Do his parents talk calmly among themselves, do they know how to listen to their interlocutor? All communication problems come from childhood. If husband calls names wife if parents constantly communicate in raised voices, the child simply will not be able to behave differently in society. For him, this is, he simply does not know that there may be other behavior scenarios.

Husband offends? This is not yet a reason to panic. You love this man, you married him, you were going to give birth to his children. Show your beloved man that you can communicate on a completely different level, without raising your tone, without nagging and rude expressions.

Husband offends, allows yourself to be tactless - under no circumstances respond in kind. Tell him in response that you love him very, very much, that he is the most wonderful, hardworking, strong (the list of qualities can be continued indefinitely!). And, kissing him on the cheek, tactfully hint that you are unpleasant when such a superman behaves inappropriately. Men are no less sentimental and responsive than women, and your affection will definitely cause a response from him. In addition, you quickly get used to everything good and, having appreciated all the charm of a gentle, respectful relationship, without rudeness and barbs, the man will most likely change.

Of course, each case must be considered separately. Expressiveness in behavior and harshness in words can be explained by a person’s character. The classification according to the type of emotional response (phlegmatic, sanguine, choleric) has not yet been canceled. Maybe it just seems to you that husband offends you - in fact, due to his character, he simply behaves a little differently than you are used to. Try to understand him and not be offended over trifles - women have always been distinguished by tolerance and the ability to “feel” another person, especially a loved one, on an intuitive level.

When to put it in place

Another question is if husband offends constantly, allowing yourself to say barbs or even insults to you, despite persuasion and admonitions. Husband calls me names and shows his superiority in every possible way? It's time to take drastic measures! But don’t get into a fight right away, don’t react violently to every unpleasant word. Wait, remember all the complaints that he expresses to you. Everyday showdowns unnerve men and only provoke them more. Maybe he, discouraged by your calm reaction, will stop his grumbling, realizing its meaninglessness and worthlessness (this also happens). If this does not happen and husband calls names, continues to be rude as before - pull yourself together (you must be calm and one hundred percent confident that you are right) and say a “sacramental” phrase that has an equally depressing effect on all men: “Darling, I need to talk to you seriously!” .

In a calm tone, without stooping to insults, express to your “darling” all your grievances and complaints that you for a long time kept it to themselves. Don’t miss a single detail - let him know that you remember all the offensive words that he allowed himself to say to you.
Emphasize that only the desire to maintain a normal environment in the family kept you from the temptation to throw a scandal. You, unlike him, can control yourself and not nag your loved one for a minor reason.
Tell him about all the details that irritated you in his behavior, sort out his character and demonstrate all his weak sides. Stop attempts to object or convince you immediately - you have been silent for so long, hoping that he himself will understand the absurdity of his behavior.
Clearly explain to the “handsome guy” that he has no right to reproach you - he himself is far from the image of an ideal spouse. You love him, despite all the shortcomings, and you want it to be mutual. You could respond to his barbs in a way that would hurt him, but play on his pride loved one- the very last thing.

We guarantee that your monologue will have a sobering effect on your husband and will make him take a fresh look at some things. But it’s not a fact that you will immediately and irrevocably change a man. If after some time everything returns to normal, follow the above scenario again. Just before the second conversation, emphasize that you hoped for his prudence and ability to understand everything the first time. But if this does not happen, he will have to once again carefully listen to everything you want to say.

Husband offends, calls names, tries to demonstrate his superiority at every opportunity? Explain that such behavior is unacceptable. And don’t forget to remind him of your love - in most cases this works better than any persuasion.

Svetlana Krutova
Women's magazine JustLady

« What to do if your husband offended you?"- such a question arises before many women at least once, even if at other times they are quite happy in their family life. Misunderstandings, resentments, accumulated irritation or dissatisfaction happen in any family, and if your husband offends you, then in such a difficult situation you need to be able to behave correctly.

When considering this problem, we will proceed from the assumption that in general you have a wonderful family, you love your husband, and he loves you, and you plan to continue to stay together, and the fact that your husband offends you is just another everyday difficulty, which we need to overcome together.

So, what to do if your husband offended you?

First of all, try to understand why your husband offends you. What is it: lack of education, excessive expressiveness or a consequence of accumulated fatigue and poor health?

If your spouse sometimes lashes out at you over trifles, try to understand and forgive him, because often a man in his soul repents of his incontinence.

If your husband offends you and this happens quite often, watch how other relatives in his parents’ family communicate. Often, communication problems come from childhood, and if in your husband’s family it was customary to communicate in a raised voice and not mince words, then he naturally transfers this style of communication to your family. The only way out in such a situation is to behave calmly and restrainedly with him, deciding everything controversial issues without raising the tone and gradually accustoming the spouse to this style of behavior.

If your husband offends you, if he allows petty nagging and tactlessness towards you, do not answer him in kind, do not stoop to the same level of communication. When your husband offends you, try to influence him with affection, tell him how much you love him, how very, very good he is - and only then tactfully hint that you are unpleasant when your loved one behaves inappropriately towards you. Men at heart also want peace more than military action, and will appreciate gentle, respectful relationship. The main thing is to overcome the first threshold of irritation.

But what to do if your husband offends you, and this happens regularly, despite your best attempts to establish a respectful relationship? In such a situation, serious measures are needed.

When deciding what to do if your husband has offended you, first of all, be patient and self-possessed, calmly react to all rudeness addressed to you and remember all the complaints expressed to you. Daily showdowns will lead to nothing, and it’s better to dot all the i’s in one conversation. Sometimes such calm behavior is enough for your husband to reconsider his attitude towards you, otherwise it is necessary to start a decisive conversation.

Express to your spouse all your grievances and complaints that have accumulated over the years. long time, explain how your husband offends you, in a calm tone, as objectively as possible and in no case stooping to regret. If your husband offends you, he must understand that you remember all the insults on his part.

Emphasize what you want to keep in the family normal relationship, so you won't respond to his insults. Even if your husband offends you, you will not do the same towards him. Humiliating another person is disgraceful behavior.

If your husband offends you, try to clearly explain that he himself is not ideal man that, like any person, he has his shortcomings, and he has no right to reproach you. You love him as he is, with all his shortcomings, and you have the right to expect the same attitude from him.

As a rule, such a monologue has a sobering effect on a man, forcing him to see his actions from the outside. However, it is difficult to change immediately, and it is possible that you will have to resort to this measure more than once. But the best answer to the question: “What to do if your husband offended you?” - influence him with your love and patience.