So what should you, as parents, do (and shouldn't) do if you want to raise your child well?

1.Love your child.

“What's special here?” - someone will think. "All parents love their children." Yes, but we should remember that this love must be selfless. It's easy to show love if everything is good. But children do not always behave “well.” They disobey, lie, and commit misconduct. We get irritated and upset. It is worse if with this irritation the love for the child fades away. But the saddest thing is when parents begin to love their child less if, in their opinion, he turns out to be “worse” than other children. For example, he is not so dexterous or smart. Or if the child does not live up to some of their expectations (they thought he would be an excellent student, but learning is difficult for him; they hoped he would be a champion athlete, but he likes drawing more).

You need to love your child not because he is so “good”, but because he is, simply because he is your child. Children who always feel the love of loved ones grow up to be confident people, they look at life from the positive side, they know that they are cared for and that they are protected. This helps them develop better qualities and strengths. Those who lacked living parental love in childhood are more likely to behave more harshly and dryly towards their children and their parents. But before they become adults, they have to go through many bitter moments - the feeling of being useless and unwanted.

I would like to emphasize that a child should always and constantly feel the love of his parents, and especially in cases where loved ones make it clear that they are not happy with his behavior. Otherwise, judging with his childish mind, he will decide that they are not happy with him because they do not love him.

Don't compare children to others. Because of your parental pride, only your child will suffer, feeling “unnoticeable” (as you think) disappointment in him. It is much better, simply by loving the baby, to create conditions for his full development.

There are difficult moments in the life of every adult, but don’t allow yourself to take it out on your child just because you feel bad. On the contrary, let your love for your child become your support.

2. Grow with your children.

The mistake of many parents is their desire to impose their adult point of view on something on their children. At the same time, the child’s age, his abilities, interests, and his inner world are not taken into account. We expect from children the actions and actions inherent in an adult, and at the same time we forget that we ourselves were once like that. The correct approach to education sounds in the words of the wonderful Russian doctor and author of pedagogical works N.I. Pirogov: “... in order to judge a child fairly and truly, we need not to transfer him from his sphere to ours, but to move into his spiritual world ourselves.”

In addition, while raising a child, we seem to relive our childhood. This time they are already wise, with life experience. Perhaps we have traits (that displease us) that began in childhood. And now we can make every effort to not only prevent their development in our children, but also to eradicate them in ourselves. In other words, when raising children, educate yourself. Show your child only your best sides. Understanding that a child will be proud of his parents will help you eradicate the bad in your character and get rid of weaknesses. Become better today than you were yesterday.

3. The educational process must be systematic.

This means that you need to be involved in raising a child and his development constantly, day after day. Short-term and irregular impulses of “parental conscience” will lead nowhere. There are often cases when parents limit themselves only to the necessary care of the child, and upbringing is left to chance. The reason for this is lack of time. But if you want, you can always find time. An hour or two a day of quality communication with your child is very important. This could be joint walks, conversations, activities, games. A child's development may suffer due to lack of communication.

But in education, as in everything else, you need to know when to stop. There is another extreme - the child cannot take a step without being directed, corrected, prompted and taught. Over time, such children become unable to make decisions and act decisively. The spirit of creativity and initiative is absent.

4. Avoid pampering and excessive demands in handling the child.

“Pampered - accustomed to bliss, contentment, sensitive to deprivation” - S.I. Ozhegov’s dictionary. A pampered child is not accustomed to either spiritual or physical effort. He thinks that life consists of pleasures, and other people should give them to him. He knows very well that his whims will be satisfied, and his whims are endless.

If pampering relaxes, then severity hardens and suppresses. Children who grew up in conditions of excessive demands feel powerless and depressed because they are not able to fulfill the demands of their loved ones. The bitterness they experience towards their parents and everyone around them comes out in adolescence, and can manifest itself in the desire to prove their right not to obey anyone. And, what’s even worse, your right to carry out justice and reprisals yourself.

The best thing is to use the “golden mean” tactic, to determine the amount of affection and exactingness yourself, taking into account the characteristics of your child’s character.

5. Strengthen the child’s faith in himself and in his strength.

It is wrong to educate by constantly pulling back, making comments and expressing your disapproval. It’s better to do the opposite: celebrate any achievement of the child, encourage him with a smile, an approving word. Point out the positive in his behavior, rather than constantly making complaints.

The feeling of success helps the child to believe in himself, and therefore to strive for more. The desire to be recognized and “prove yourself” is a completely healthy phenomenon, and will not necessarily develop arrogance and arrogance.

So, encourage your baby to be active by celebrating his achievements. And make sure that the requirements that you set for your child are, with some effort on his part, achievable so that he can fulfill them. Tasks that are too difficult will not be completed. And now there is a feeling of failure. One failure, two, as a result the child will develop uncertainty and timidity. Now he is unable to overcome what he could have overcome.

But be careful, if you set only too easy demands on your child, then he will develop not confidence, but self-confidence. And what happens next is not clear - either self-confidence will develop into a persistent unpleasant character trait, or, when faced with real difficulties, it will develop into uncertainty.

6. Teach your child to respect other people.

There is no need to hope that such qualities as kindness, responsiveness, respect, etc. are inherent in the child “by nature” and will appear on their own. Yes, a person is born with a program of “cooperation” embedded in him; he cannot do without other people, but over time, the child establishes his relationships with the world of adults and children, and these relationships can take on different colors.

This is a very complex program. And it can be fulfilled only under one condition - the child must be included in the work and concerns of the family at a level accessible to him. Performing simple chores around the house not only contributes to the growth of the baby’s skills and abilities, but he learns to find his place in the world, understand his individuality, and with this comes an understanding of the values ​​of other people.

7. Maintain an emotionally favorable atmosphere in the family.

If in a family there are eternal disputes and troubles over trifles, if family members never give in to each other in anything, then it is difficult for both big and small to live in such a family. Family life consists largely of everyday life. But if it contains love and respect for each other, the joy of everyday communication, the joy of raising a child, then life is filled with special meaning.

For a woman who is a mother, a loving, even atmosphere in the home is especially important. After the birth of a child, young parents have less “freedom” and more household chores. On this basis, mutual discontent and sometimes real conflicts often arise. A woman may stop feeling desired and loved, and associates this with the fact that she has become a mother. Thus, the child becomes an involuntary culprit of her experiences. But the baby feels it, he seems to be infected by his mother’s feelings. If she is nervous and irritable, then so is the child.

But the condition of other family members is just as important, because it is one way or another “transmitted” to the child. The father of the child should not feel deprived of attention from his wife because the baby was born. Otherwise, jealousy may arise towards him. Grandparents, if they live with young parents, also have the right to participate in raising their grandchildren. And there is no need to make a “scene” if you don’t like something about their methods, especially in front of a child. But the older family members themselves must show tact towards their children, and not deprive them of the opportunity to decide for themselves what will be best for their child. It has been established that family quarrels have a bad effect on the child’s nervous system. Remember this!

8. Let each family member contribute to the upbringing of the child.

Each adult plays his own “role” in the family. This is what creates the necessary variety in a child’s life. There are no hard and fast laws, but more often than not, tenderness and affection come from the mother, firmness and rationality from the father, and gentleness combined with healthy conservatism from the grandparents. If several generations are involved in raising a child, then he or she develops a sense of “roots,” which is very important in the development of a person’s self-awareness. Respect for the past is brought up not only by knowledge of the history of one’s state, but apparently even earlier, in a tender childhood, it comes as love for older people, for grandparents, for their fairy tales.

It is also important that by their attitude towards their own parents, the father and mother of the baby provide a role model.

9. Requirements in education should be uniform.

If the mother says one thing, and the father says another, if the parents forbid the child something, and the grandmother, secretly from the parents, allows it, then do not expect any good. The child will simply play on the “weak strings” of adults; he will not have a clear understanding of what is good and what is bad. He will clearly understand only one thing - nothing is unconditional, you just need to know who to approach and what to ask.

Of course, developing unity in education is not easy. All people are different, they were brought up differently, everyone has their own view of the educational process. Sometimes these approaches converge as people begin to live together, and sometimes a conscious effort is required. In some cases, mutual tolerance is necessary. For those who consider themselves right, but remain in the “minority,” it should be remembered that it is much more useful for the child if adults adhere to a single line of upbringing. But the wrong tactics will still appear, and then it will be possible to correct it together.

As long as the child is small, preschool age, there are no problems with your authority. He unquestioningly believes his parents, he does not have the slightest doubt that they are right. The difficulty may arise elsewhere. Make sure that your authority is not overwhelming. Otherwise, the child will do everything with an eye on you. Encourage him to act independently more often. Ask questions: “What do you think?”, “What would you do?”, “What game do you want to play?” etc.

But a threat to the authority of parents can arise when they demonstrate mutual disrespect in front of the child, argue with each other, and the worst thing is if they act incorrectly, not as they themselves teach. Remember that your baby will not always be a “brainless kid”. Make every effort to maintain his respect for you, and your unquestioning authority in his eyes.

11. Lead by example.

If your behavior does not correspond to your instructions, then whatever you teach your child will be useless. The child copies not only the movements of the parents or their words, but also the entire style of behavior of the elders. For example, you hear a child being rude to his grandfather or grandmother, don’t be surprised, look at yourself: maybe you are talking to older family members rudely, in a dissatisfied tone, allowing yourself to ignore them. Or, you are indignant that your daughter lacks composure and neatness (“But she already goes to school! What will happen to her next?”). Once again, take a critical look at yourself: what kind of person are you in everyday life? Are you ready? Is your home in order, is everything in its place? Is everything done on time, are things started completed?

Why is personal example so important in education? Psychologists say that any learning must be accompanied by a “positive emotional shift” - only then will it become firmly embedded in character. In other words, a child will easily learn good things if he experiences joy at the same time.

For comparison: if a child is forced by force to perform any duty, then this does not cultivate hard work, but, at best, the habit of doing what is required. At worst - aversion to work.

How is a “positive emotional shift” achieved? The love and attention of adults, their approval of the child’s behavior. But the baby will get the most pleasure if he learns to work from you, his parents, imitating you, doing something with you. Communication with an adult is the greatest source of joy for a child, so your living example of hard work, goodwill, commitment or politeness will certainly sink into his soul.

12. When raising your only child, do not make an idol out of him.

Much has been written about the difficulties associated with raising an only child in a family. The baby is the center of attention of adults, all his desires are satisfied, there are no younger ones to take care of, share a toy or sweets with. The result is selfishness. Also, it is usually more difficult for only children to join a team.

How can one not develop selfish tendencies in a child? Make him understand that he is not alone in the family, that they care not only about him, but also about each other. Encourage your child to show concern for others in any form available to him. Use every opportunity so that he can take care of the younger ones, be they the children of neighbors or relatives. Encourage him to be independent and play with his peers. Restrain yourself from trying to be overly protective of him.

13. If there are several children in a family, treat everyone fairly.

Compared to a family with one child, families with several children have educational advantages. Older children take on part of their parents' educational responsibilities, and even do it very well. Babies follow their older brothers and sisters and usually start talking, counting, reading, going to the potty, etc. earlier. Younger and older children spend a lot of time together - walking, drawing, reading, watching TV, helping or sympathizing with each other. This develops a sense of collectivism. All this is good until parents begin to make mistakes in their attitude towards their children.

What happens is that the elder feels deprived of parental affection. And the little ones receive more attention and fewer demands. The younger ones quickly begin to understand their special position and rush to take advantage of it. Thus, they become “tyrants” not only towards their parents, but also towards their brothers and sisters. As a result, the elder may feel resentment towards his parents, and the younger may feel unkind envy.

To avoid this, you need to loosen custody of the younger child in time and demand independence and activity from him. And the elder should see that you are different, but you also care about him.

Parents should never lose their sense of justice. Having a “favorite” among children, or simply giving reasons to think so, is completely unacceptable.

14. Children need companions.

For full development, a child needs peers with whom he can play as equals, and not as a “little one.” Peers will not show him leniency, as adults can do. Only in a group of peers will a child develop correctly, learn to reckon with others and stand up for himself.

Of course, the most favorable conditions for such communication are created in kindergarten, but if the child does not attend kindergarten, then parents should make sure that he finds company.

15. When trying to change any traits in a child’s behavior, do not try to “break” them.

For example, a child is slow, and we want him to act faster. What to do? The usual haste will do nothing. “Pushing” and threats will only lead to resentment and protest. In this case, you need to rely on the child’s own interests. For example: “If you have time to get dressed before the alarm clock rings, we will have time to draw a little more,” or others, “You will be able to quickly put away the toys, you will have time to watch a cartoon,” “If you finish the meal with everyone else, you will help me wash the dishes, but I will wait for you.” I won’t.”

It is worth not only encouraging your child to do everything faster, but also teaching him to do it correctly. Let it be slow but correct in the beginning.

Be sure to praise the kids for their speed. And let everyone in the family know about the child’s success.

The main task of parents is not to turn a slow child into a fast one, but to introduce this trait into an acceptable framework - with a kind word, advice, play. (and certainly not to use completely meaningless and unnecessary “cool” measures for this).

16. Suppress parental ambition.

Seeing your child well developed is a completely natural and laudable desire for parents. But sometimes parents are so dedicated to the development of their child that they forget about the most important thing. Preschool childhood is the age at which, first of all, some general foundations of a person’s personality are laid. This is what you should take care of first. There will be no other time.

But the development of a child, upon careful examination, turns out to be nothing more than “trainedness” in some skill. And sometimes his general mental development, the level of development of moral traits leave much to be desired.

Basic conditions

successful raising of a child in a family

The main conditions for success in raising children in a family can be considered the presence of a normal family atmosphere, the authority of parents, a proper daily routine, and timely introduction of the child to books, reading, and work.

A normal family atmosphere is the awareness by parents of their duty and sense of responsibility for raising children, based on mutual respect between father and mother, constant attention to educational, work and social life, help and support in large and small matters, with respect for the dignity of each member family, constant mutual display of tact; organization of family life and everyday life, which is based on the equality of all members, involving children in solving economic issues of family life, managing the household, and doing feasible work; in the reasonable organization of recreation in participation in sports and tourist trips, in joint walks, reading, listening to music, visiting the theater and cinema; mutual principled exactingness, a friendly tone in address, sincerity, love and cheerfulness in the family.

Family traditions, strong foundations and principles contribute to the creation of a highly moral atmosphere in the family. These include holding public and family birthday parties for adults and children. Preparing gifts by children and adults and presenting them with a special emotional upsurge creates that atmosphere of solemnity, joy and happiness that forms spiritual culture and “cements” the family as a collective.

Successful upbringing in a family will be provided that a clear daily routine for children is observed. The daily routine includes the child’s entire daily routine during the day - time for proper sleep, hardening procedures, orderly meals, all types of work and rest. The age and health status of the child are taken into account. The daily routine should have an educational value, which is only possible with the obligatory habituation to its implementation without adult reminders. Seniors must exercise control over the quality implementation of routine tasks and work assignments, evaluate them, and provide assistance in case of difficulties.

A special place in raising a child in the family should be given to reading. In preschool age, a child especially loves to listen to fairy tales that adults read to him, stories from the lives of people and animals. From books he learns about good people, about their deeds, learns about animals and plants. In the fairy tale, the strong, dexterous, fair, honest and hardworking person always wins, while the evil, unkind person is punished by people and society. Listening to a fairy tale, a child does not remain indifferent to the fate of the hero; he worries, worries, rejoices and is upset, that is, he develops feelings and gradually develops an interest in the book. When a child enters school and learns to read, it is important to consolidate interest and develop the skill of independent and systematic reading. This skill does not appear on its own; it requires coordinated and skillful work between school and family. Only this will introduce the child to reading, and he will begin to consider books as his companions in acquiring new knowledge. An emerging interest in reading will lead the child to the library or bookstore. He will have his own heroes whom he will imitate.

An important condition for the successful upbringing of children is the unity of requirements for children by all family members, as well as the same requirements for children from family and school. The lack of unity of requirements between school and family undermines the authority of the teacher and parents and leads to a loss of respect for them.

The authority of knowledge necessarily leads to the authority of help. In the life of every child there are many cases when he does not know what to do, when he needs advice and help. Maybe he won’t ask you for help because he doesn’t know how to do it; you yourself must come with help. Often this help can be provided in direct advice, sometimes in a joke, sometimes in an order, sometimes even in an order. If you know your child's life, you will see for yourself how to act in the best way. It often happens that this help needs to be provided in a special way. Sometimes you need to either take part in a children's game or get to know the children's friends. If there are several children in your family, and this is the happiest case, older children can be involved in such assistance. Parental help should not be intrusive, annoying, or tiring. In some cases, it is absolutely necessary to allow the child to get out of difficulties on his own; he needs to get used to overcoming obstacles. The child will feel your presence next to him, your insurance, but at the same time he will know that you are demanding something from him, that you are not going to do everything for him, to relieve him of responsibility. It is the line of responsibility that is an important line of parental authority. Well, in general, in order to know your child, you need to be able to listen and hear him.

Beginning of the form

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3. Conditions for successful parenting

The conditions for successful upbringing can be defined as experimentally identified causes that influence the functioning of the system and relate to its environment.

G. Neuner writes: “The educational process... is influenced by certain spatial, temporal and social conditions, which are external conditions that influence the course of its course. These include social conditions, the corresponding current political and economic situation, social environment, territorial environment, material and organizational conditions, as well as broader (in relation to the educational process) social relations that affect the educational relationship between the educator and the educated.”

E. Drefenstedt lists social, territorial, intra-school, material and technical, local, temporary conditions; in addition, he especially highlights “the conditions arising from the state, trends and problems of development of the children's team, individual pupils...”.

At the congress of teachers of Karelia, held in 2003, the following conditions for successful education were put forward:

Systematicity;

Creation of an educational system of a humanistic type;

Interaction with the environment;

Dialogue methods of education, a situation of trust.

Development processes are stimulated by emotional stability, the joy of being, a guarantee of safety, respect for the rights of the child not in words, but in deeds, the priority of an optimistic view of the child. The positive role of an adult is the role of an assistant-facilitator - helping the child in the process of his development. According to some data, in Russia there are about 10% of them.

It is especially worth mentioning the conditions of upbringing in the family.

The main conditions for success in raising children in a family can be considered the presence of a normal family atmosphere, the authority of parents, a proper daily routine, and timely introduction of the child to books, reading, and work.

A normal family atmosphere is:

Parents' awareness of their duty and sense of responsibility for raising children, based on mutual respect between father and mother, constant attention to educational, work and social life, help and support in large and small matters, respect for the dignity of each family member, constant mutual expression tact;

Organization of family life and everyday life, which is based on the equality of all members, involving children in solving economic issues of family life, managing the household, and doing feasible work;

In the reasonable organization of recreation: in participation in sports and hiking trips, in joint walks, reading, listening to music, visiting the theater and cinema;

Mutual strictness of principle, a friendly tone in address, sincerity, love and cheerfulness in the family.

An important condition for the successful upbringing of children is the unity of requirements for children by all family members, as well as the same requirements for children from family and school. The lack of unity of requirements between school and family undermines the authority of the teacher and parents and leads to a loss of respect for them.

In the early years of a child’s life, a family is needed for the formation of certain areas of human consciousness, human psychology, and its absence entails sad and far-reaching consequences, such as, for example, delinquency. The time that children spend at home, after nursery, kindergarten, school is enough for the family to play its intended role.

And whatever the social upbringing, where the ultimate goal is the formation of ideals, the formation of the child’s personality is laid in the family, under the influence of parental love for the sake of his future, under the influence of the authority of parents, family traditions.

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Psychologists shout at the top of their lungs that in an incomplete family, the parent often fails to raise the child.

In this topic I would like to destroy this stereotype. My daughter has been raised in a single-parent family all her life. Our dad died when the baby was not yet born. Girls, I assure you, even one parent can successfully cope with raising their child by following some simple rules.

Rule No. 1. Love for good

Yes, you can all exclaim now: “Who doesn’t love their children?” The situation when you lose your soulmate is very dangerous. Mental pain can drown out your whole life for a moment. In such a state, it is not surprising to forget about the child.

But, thank God, this didn’t happen to me. It was quite the opposite, my daughter became the only meaning of my life. All the love that overwhelms me, I give all my strength and time to it. My love is not blind and deaf, I try to take into account the individuality and needs of the child. After all, without understanding what your child needs, a parent cannot be of any use.

Rule No. 2. Maximum affection and tenderness

I won’t hide the fact that I am often overcome by fears and questions typical of single mothers. For example: “what if I miss my daughter”, “wouldn’t spoil me” and other similar questions. At such moments, I “turn on” my strict father and begin to limit tenderness and affection.

As practice shows, the result is very different from what was expected. Instead of a good, diligent child, I get an aggressive thorn. Through trial and error, I came to a certain conclusion. The more we cherish a child, the more protected he feels. The maximum manifestation of our feelings provides a certain foundation for the successful development of personality.

Rule No. 3. Correct criticism

I think that women who are in a similar position to me will now agree with me. All the same fears of not being able to cope with my upbringing, of making a mistake, push me to rash actions. Any outburst of negative emotions or statements can bring mental pain to the child and complicate relationships.

One day my excessive impulsiveness and nervousness played a cruel joke on me. Every day, without noticing it myself, I raised my baby with criticism. One of her actions caused dissatisfaction, then another. My dry remarks, with or without reason, ultimately alienated my daughter from me. I am infinitely happy that I was able to stop when it was not too late.

Having reviewed my policy, I learned to advise my daughter in a way that did not humiliate her. Now, if I consider it necessary to correct her actions, I start with praise. You know, there is always something to praise a child for. Next, I carefully, without negatively colored words, express my opinion and give the opportunity to correct the mistakes myself.

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The success of upbringing in a family can be ensured when favorable conditions are created for the growth and all-round development of the child.

Chapter 2. Conditions for successful family education
2.1 Basic conditions for successfully raising a child in a family
The main conditions for success in raising children in a family can be considered the presence of a normal family atmosphere, the authority of parents, a proper daily routine, and timely introduction of the child to books, reading, and work.

A normal family atmosphere is the awareness by parents of their duty and sense of responsibility for raising children, based on mutual respect between father and mother, constant attention to educational, work and social life, help and support in large and small matters, with respect for the dignity of each member family, constant mutual display of tact; organization of family life and everyday life, which is based on the equality of all members, involving children in solving economic issues of family life, managing the household, and doing feasible work; in the reasonable organization of recreation in participation in sports and tourist trips, in joint walks, reading, listening to music, visiting the theater and cinema; mutual principled exactingness, a friendly tone in address, sincerity, love and cheerfulness in the family.

Family traditions, strong foundations and principles contribute to the creation of a highly moral atmosphere in the family. These include holding public and family birthday parties for adults and children. Preparing gifts by children and adults and presenting them with a special emotional upsurge creates that atmosphere of solemnity, joy and happiness that forms spiritual culture and “cements” the family as a collective.

Successful upbringing in a family will be provided that a clear daily routine for children is observed. The daily routine includes the child’s entire daily routine during the day - time for proper sleep, hardening procedures, orderly meals, all types of work and rest. The age and health status of the child are taken into account. The daily routine should have an educational value, which is only possible with the obligatory habituation to its implementation without adult reminders. Seniors must exercise control over the quality implementation of routine tasks and work assignments, evaluate them, and provide assistance in case of difficulties.

A special place in raising a child in the family should be given to reading. In preschool age, a child especially loves to listen to fairy tales that adults read to him, stories from the lives of people and animals. From books he learns about good people, about their deeds, learns about animals and plants. In the fairy tale, the strong, dexterous, fair, honest and hardworking person always wins, while the evil, unkind person is punished by people and society. Listening to a fairy tale, a child does not remain indifferent to the fate of the hero; he worries, worries, rejoices and is upset, that is, he develops feelings and gradually develops an interest in the book. When a child enters school and learns to read, it is important to consolidate interest and develop the skill of independent and systematic reading. This skill does not appear on its own; it requires coordinated and skillful work between school and family. Only this will introduce the child to reading, and he will begin to consider books as his companions in acquiring new knowledge. An emerging interest in reading will lead the child to the library or bookstore. He will have his own heroes whom he will imitate.

It is difficult to overestimate the importance of work in a person’s life. Physical labor ensures high vitality of muscles and all human organs and improves all physiological processes in the body - proper breathing, blood circulation, metabolism, growth of the whole body and individual organs. Physical labor is a means of combating fatigue, especially for people engaged in mental work. Changing types of work and a reasonable combination of them in a child’s daily routine ensures his successful mental activity and maintains working capacity.

Labor education is an integral part of the comprehensive development of the individual. By how the child treats work, what work skills he has, others will judge his value.

An important condition for the successful upbringing of children is the unity of requirements for children by all family members, as well as the same requirements for children from family and school. The lack of unity of requirements between school and family undermines the authority of the teacher and parents and leads to a loss of respect for them.

2.2 The role of parental authority in education
The upbringing of children begins at an age when no logical proof or presentation of social rights is possible at all, and yet without authority, an educator is impossible.

Parental example and authority are a specific form of transfer of social, including moral experience of the older generation to the younger, the most important mechanism of social inheritance. The father and mother must have this authority in the eyes of the child. We often hear the question: what to do with a child if he doesn’t listen? This very “does not obey” is a sign that the parents do not have authority in his eyes.

Those parents whose children “don’t obey” sometimes tend to think that authority is given by nature, that it is a special talent. If there is no talent, then nothing can be done, all that remains is to envy the one who has such talent. These parents are wrong. Authority can be organized in every family, and it is not even a very difficult matter.

The main basis of parental authority can only be the life and work of parents, their civil persona, their behavior. The family is a big and responsible matter; parents lead this matter and are responsible for it to society, to their own happiness and to the lives of their children. If parents do this honestly and wisely, if significant and wonderful goals are set for them, if they themselves always give themselves a full account of their actions and deeds, this means that they have parental authority and do not need to look for any other grounds and Moreover, there is no need to come up with anything artificial. At the same time, one must always remember that every human activity has its own tensions and its own dignity. Under no circumstances should parents present themselves to their children as champions in their field, as incomparable geniuses. Children should see the merits of other people, and certainly the merits of their father’s closest comrades and mother. The civic authority of parents will only reach its true heights if it is not the authority of an upstart or a braggart, but the authority of a member of the team.

The authority of knowledge necessarily leads to the authority of help. In the life of every child there are many cases when he does not know what to do, when he needs advice and help. Maybe he won’t ask you for help because he doesn’t know how to do it; you yourself must come with help.

Often this help can be provided in direct advice, sometimes in a joke, sometimes in an order, sometimes even in an order. If you know your child's life, you will see for yourself what is the best course of action. It often happens that this help needs to be provided in a special way. Sometimes you need to either take part in a children's game, or get to know the children's friends, or visit the school and talk to the teacher. If there are several children in your family, and this is the happiest case, older brothers and sisters can be involved in providing such assistance.

Parental help should not be intrusive, annoying, or tiring. In some cases, it is absolutely necessary to let the child get out of a difficulty on his own; he needs to get used to overcoming obstacles and resolving more complex issues. But you must always see how the child performs this operation; you must not allow him to become confused and despair. Sometimes it is even better for the child to see your alertness, attention and trust in his strengths.

The authority of help. In the life of every child there are many cases when he does not know what to do, when he needs advice and help. Maybe he won’t ask you for help because he doesn’t know how to do it; you yourself must come with help. Often this help can be provided in direct advice, sometimes in a joke, sometimes in an order, sometimes even in an order. If you know your child's life, you will see for yourself how to act in the best way. It often happens that this help needs to be provided in a special way. Sometimes you need to either take part in a children's game or get to know the children's friends. If there are several children in your family, and this is the happiest case, older children can be involved in such assistance. Parental help should not be intrusive, annoying, or tiring. In some cases, it is absolutely necessary to allow the child to get out of difficulties on his own; he needs to get used to overcoming obstacles. The child will feel your presence next to him, your insurance, but at the same time he will know that you are demanding something from him, that you are not going to do everything for him, to relieve him of responsibility. It is the line of responsibility that is an important line of parental authority. Well, in general, in order to know your child, you need to be able to listen and hear him.

Unfortunately, there are parents who organize such authority on false grounds.
2.3 Types of false parental authority
The authority of suppression. This is the most terrible kind of authority, although not the most harmful. Fathers suffer the most from such authority. If the father always growls at home, is always angry, bursts into thunder at every trifle, grabs his belt at every convenient and inconvenient occasion, answers every question with rudeness, marks every child’s guilt with punishment - then this is the authority of suppression. Such paternal, and perhaps maternal, terror keeps the whole family in fear, not only children, but also other family members, for example, the mother. It is harmful not only because it intimidates children, but also because it makes the mother a zero being who can only be a servant. He does not educate anything, he only teaches children to stay away from their father, he causes children's lies and human cowardice, and at the same time he instills cruelty in the child.

The authority of swagger. This is a special type of harmful authority. Each person has his own merits. But some people believe that they are the most deserved, the most important figures, and show this importance to their children. At home, all they do is talk about their merits; they are arrogant towards other people. It happens very often that, amazed by this kind of father, children begin to behave the same way.

The authority of pedantry. In this case, parents pay more attention to their children. They are confident that children should listen to every parent’s word with trepidation, that their word is sacred. They give their orders in a cold tone, and once they are given, they immediately become law. Such parents are most afraid that their children will think that dad was mistaken, that dad is not a strong person. If such a dad said: “Tomorrow it will rain, you can’t go for a walk,” then even if the weather is good tomorrow, it is still considered that you can’t go for a walk. Dad didn’t like any movie; he generally forbade the children to go to the movies, including good movies. The life of a child, his interests, his growth pass by such a dad unnoticed; he sees nothing but his bureaucratic superiors in the family.

The authority of reasoning. In this case, parents literally eat up their child’s life with endless teachings and edifying conversations. Instead of saying a few words to the child, perhaps even in a joking tone, the parent sits him down opposite him and begins a boring and annoying speech. Such parents are sure that the main pedagogical wisdom lies in teachings. In such a family there is always little joy and smile. Parents try their best to be infallible. But they forget that children are not adults, that children have their own lives and that this life must be respected. A child lives more emotionally, more passionately than an adult; he is least able to engage in reasoning.

The authority of love. This is our most common type of false authority. Many parents are convinced: in order for children to obey, they need to love their parents, and in order to earn this love, it is necessary to show their children their parental love at every step. Tender words, endless kisses, caresses, confessions are showered on children in completely excessive quantities. If the child does not obey, he is immediately asked: “So you don’t love us?” Parents jealously watch the expression of their children's eyes and demand tenderness and love. Often, in front of the children, a mother tells her acquaintances: “He loves dad terribly and loves me terribly, he is such a gentle child...” Such a family is so immersed in a sea of ​​sentimentality that they no longer notice anything else. A child should do everything out of love for his parents. There are many dangerous places in this line. This is where family egoism grows. Children, of course, do not have enough strength for such love. Very soon they notice that mom and dad can be deceived in any way they want, they just need to do it with a gentle expression. You can even intimidate mom and dad if you just pout and show that love is starting to fade. From an early age, a child begins to understand that you can play along with people. And since he cannot love other people as much, he plays along with them without any love, with cold and cynical calculation. Sometimes it happens that love for parents lasts for a long time, but all other people are considered as strangers and aliens, there is no sympathy for them, no feeling. This is a very dangerous type of authority. He raises insincere and deceitful egoists. And very often the first victims of such selfishness are the parents themselves. Of course, showing “lovelessness” towards your child is important and necessary

The authority of kindness. This is the most stupid kind of authority. In this case, children's obedience is also organized through children's love, but it is caused not by kisses and outpourings, but by the compliance, gentleness, and kindness of parents. They allow everything, they don’t regret anything, they are wonderful parents. They are afraid of any conflicts, they prefer family peace, they are ready to sacrifice anything, if only everything would be fine. Very soon, in such a family, children begin to command their parents. Sometimes parents allow themselves a little resistance, but it’s too late.

The authority of friendship. Quite often, the children have not yet been born, but there is already an agreement between the parents: our children will be our friends. In general, this is, of course, good. Father and son, mother and daughter can be friends and should be friends, but still parents remain senior members of the family team, and children still remain pupils. If friendship reaches extreme limits, education stops, or the opposite process begins: children begin to educate their parents.

What should real parental authority in the family consist of? The main basis of parental authority can only be the life and work of parents, their civil persona, their behavior. The family is a big and responsible matter; parents lead this matter and are responsible for it to their own happiness and to the lives of their children. As soon as children begin to grow up, they are always interested in where their father or mother works, what their social status is. As early as possible, they should find out how they live, what they are interested in, who their parents are next to. The work of the father or mother should appear before the child as a serious matter worthy of respect. The merits of parents in the eyes of children should first of all be merits to society, and not just appearance. Children should see not only the merits of their parents, but also the merits of other people, and certainly the merits of their father and mother’s closest friends.

But parental work must also be done as best as possible, and this is where the roots of authority lie. And first of all, they must know how they live, what they are interested in, what they love, what they don’t like, what the child wants and doesn’t want. You need to know all this, but this does not mean that you need to harass your child with constant and annoying questions. From the very beginning, parents should arrange things in such a way that the children themselves talk about their affairs, so that they want to tell it. All this does not require much time.
2.4 Requirements for organizing interaction between teacher and parents
The success of the educational process depends on how the relationships develop between teachers, students and parents. To form cooperation between adults and children, it is important to imagine the team as a single whole, as a large family that unites and lives interestingly if joint activities of teachers, parents, and children are organized. This promotes unity, family cohesion, establishing mutual understanding between parents and children, and creating comfortable conditions in the family.

Therefore, it is advisable to organize a significant part of the educational work simultaneously with students and parents, and solve problems and assigned tasks together in order to come to an agreement without infringing on each other’s interests, and to join efforts to achieve better results.

The formation of cooperation between students, parents and teachers depends primarily on how the interaction of adults develops in this process. Parents and teachers are educators of the same children, and the result of education can be successful when teachers and parents become allies. The basis of this union is the unity of aspirations, views on the educational process, jointly developed common goals and educational tasks, and ways to achieve the intended results.

Both teachers and parents want to see their children healthy and happy. They are ready to support the initiatives of teachers aimed at satisfying and developing the interests and needs of children. Parents are adults with extensive life experience, knowledge, and the ability to comprehend events, therefore, in solving a number of issues and educational problems, the teacher can receive the necessary advice from parents. Cooperation between teachers and parents allows you to get to know the child better, look at him from different sides and positions, see him in different situations, and therefore help adults in understanding his individual characteristics, developing the child’s abilities, overcoming his negative actions and manifestations in behavior, and forming valuable life experiences. orientation.

Teachers play a decisive role in creating a union of teachers and parents and in establishing cooperative interaction between them. Union, mutual understanding between teachers and parents, their mutual trust are possible if the teacher excludes didacticism when working with parents, does not teach, but advises, thinks with them, and agrees on joint actions; tactfully leads them to understand the need to acquire pedagogical knowledge; if when communicating with parents the following phrases are heard more often: “What do you think?”, “Let’s decide together what to do,” “I’d like to hear your opinion.” The whole atmosphere of interaction and communication between the teacher and parents should show that the teacher needs parents, to join forces, that parents are his allies and he cannot do without their advice and help.

Not all parents respond to the teacher’s desire to cooperate with him or show interest in joining efforts to raise their child. The teacher needs patience and a focused search for ways to solve this problem. We should begin working and interacting with those who want to participate in the life of the class and support teachers, even if such parents are in the minority. Gradually, tactfully, the teacher involves other parents, relying on like-minded parents, taking into account the interests of each child and his family.

It is advisable to devote one of the parent meetings to the problem of cooperation between teachers and parents in raising children. The following questions may be suggested for discussion:

What is meant by human cooperation? Name its main manifestations.

Why is cooperation between teachers and parents necessary?

How can the school help parents, how can parents help the school and teachers?

What prevents teachers and parents from successfully collaborating? What is necessary for the interaction between teachers and parents to be fruitful?

Name possible forms of cooperation and joint work of teachers and parents.

What forms of joint activities can bring together and make friends between adults and children in our team?

Forms of interaction between teachers and parents are ways of organizing their joint activities and communication. It is advisable to combine collective, group and individual forms of interaction. Thus, it is useful to continue the discussion of any parenting problem at a parent meeting during individual meetings with parents or in group consultations.

Let us briefly describe the most common collective forms of interaction between teachers and parents.

A parent meeting is the main form of work with parents, where the problems of life in the classroom and parent groups are discussed. The class teacher directs the activities of parents in the process of preparation and is an ordinary participant in the meeting. The first meetings, providing an example of democratic discussion of issues, can be led by him himself, and in the future this role can be legitimately performed by the parents themselves.

Parent lecture hall. Helps familiarize parents with issues of education, improve their pedagogical culture, and develop common approaches to raising children. The name “lecture hall” is conditional. This does not mean that only lectures are given to parents. The forms of work are varied, and often they determine the position of parents not as passive listeners, but stimulate their activity, creativity, participation in the discussion of issues, in the organization and conduct of classes. continuation
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