youth complex. I feel like I'm ugly

Hello, I am 19 years old. The essence of the problem is that I have a complex about appearance. When I look in the mirror alone at home, I am quite handsome, and when I look at my reflection on the street or in a room where strangers are present, I feel ugly to myself. The question arises, how to overcome this complex? At what, surrounded by strangers, I do not focus on THEM and their reaction, no, I just do not like myself.

Hello Sergey! let's see what's going on:

when I look at my reflection on the street or in a room where strangers are present, then i seem yourself ugly.

It only seems - behind this is the fear of assessing (negative) assessment of yourself from outside, the fear of rejection - you yourself begin to put pressure on yourself, attributing to yourself those thoughts that others may have - this is YOUR attitude towards yourself. It is important for YOU to learn to separate the zones - where is the reality? and where is what it seems? and decide - where to stay - where there is NOTHING, where everything seems to you? or return to this reality and begin to live - communicate, feel? the choice will be yours! In you there is an assessment - UGLY - for whom? for myself? for those around you? You need to learn to love, respect, accept yourself, and not think about what YOU think. It is already habitual for you to reject yourself - why? when did it come about? how was it formed? Contact a psychologist in person - this is work with zones, with self-esteem!

Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow

You need to contact a specialist who owns the DPDH method. This will be the right decision. You can come to me for an appointment in Saratov.

If this is not possible, master this method yourself. It is detailed in these articles.

http://yuriy-pyatak.livejournal.com/5212.html

http://rudocs.exdat.com/docs/index-425322.html?page=13

Use this method to work through the unpleasant image of yourself and your negative thoughts. Improvement will come pretty quickly.

Goloshchapov Andrey Viktorovich, psychologist Saratov

it seems that it is very important for you how other people evaluate your appearance. And when you find yourself in a society of strangers, you have an unconscious concern that some of them may not like you. This anxiety in your mind is reflected in the form of self-assessment as not beautiful enough.

Perhaps it will help you to cope with the "complex" if you calmly reflect on the fact that no one will be able to please everyone. And this means that you will always be disliked by someone. After all, there are no comrades for taste and color.

It is important that you like yourself. This means that there will always be enough people who will also like you.

Sincerely,

Alyokhina Elena Vasilievna, psychologist Moscow

A broad outlook, a deep inner world, professional activity - all this is most important in the life of every woman. However, appearance will always be either a helper or, conversely, an obstacle in her life story. But what if they tell me that I'm ugly?

Girls begin to look with envy at beautiful girlfriends, look at their own reflection in the mirror with disappointment and even hatred. It’s worth starting with the fact that almost every girl in her life has heard from others that she is ugly or that something is wrong with her appearance.

The statistics are also disappointing - 98% of girls and women consider themselves ugly, despite the opinions of other people. And it is worth highlighting the words “consider themselves” here. This means that in fact they are not ugly at all, they just consider themselves as such.

In fact, the concept of "ugly" does not exist, because there is no comrade for the taste and color. And here it’s not even about beauty, but about complexes, insecurity and dislike for oneself.

How to accept and love yourself?

You can often hear the phrase: "They tell me that I'm ugly." But look at the many popular actresses or models. Often we look at them and think how they managed to achieve such heights with such an ordinary appearance. Therefore, beauty is not the problem. Right?

The imperfect figure and facial features did not prevent them from achieving certain heights in their professional activities. For example, Kate Moss, a well-known world-class model, said in an interview that looks are 40% of success, and many considered her ugly. And the popularity of the girl was brought not at all by her appearance, but by the corporate look of a she-wolf.

The first thing to do so that the girl does not say that she is ugly is to love yourself. After all, beauty has not only pluses, but also a large number of minuses. Michelle Mercier said that her appearance brought her not only fame and a sea of ​​admirers, but also a lot of suffering. It only means that it's time to stop looking at beauties with a sigh and spend this energy on yourself.

Where to begin?

Following self-love is an important factor - this is self-development. And it should be both external and internal. We all know perfectly well that appearance gives advantages only at the first meetings. If in the future it turns out that the girl is just a beautiful dummy, few people want to continue to build a serious relationship with her.

If a person is told that he is ugly, do not despair. Now your task is to analyze yourself, your appearance, in order to learn how to emphasize your strengths and hide your flaws. Self-confident people charge everyone around with this confidence. Height, weight and eye color are absolutely unimportant when there is something special, something attractive in a person.

What are the advantages of imperfect appearance?

Does your ex say you're ugly? This does not mean at all that it is so. This is just the opinion of one person, and there are 7 billion of them on the planet. If you yourself consider yourself ugly, then try to find pluses in your imperfect appearance. They may be as follows:

• You can be sure that they love you not for your pretty appearance, but for something more important and serious. They love you, not how you look.
• You have an extra incentive to develop and move forward.
• And sometimes what you consider to be your shortcoming - freckles, for example, can please others and make you stand out from the crowd.

The fact remains: “ugliness” is only in the head, and absolutely every young lady can make herself interesting and attractive. The less a woman is obsessed with complexes about her appearance, the more intelligent, tolerant and reliable she is for men.

I'm ugly and I don't like myself

Girl says she's ugly? These words should not be in your vocabulary. If you hear the phrase - “they tell me that I am not beautiful”, then immediately remember the great Coco Chanel, who once said that if a woman is ugly, then she is simply stupid. And nothing else. Moreover, in the modern world there are much more opportunities to emphasize your beauty than in the days of Chanel. But even then, women were able to emphasize the merits and hide the flaws.

"You're not pretty!" - says the husband? Unpleasant, yes, but maybe this is your fault? It is important to realize the fact that if you are ugly, it is only your choice. Don't like the reflection in the mirror? Don't hear compliments from your husband? So it's time to act. Write down a list of what, in your opinion, is considered a disadvantage, and get to work!

They tell me that I'm ugly

In fact, it turns out that most of our shortcomings are far-fetched, and many people simply do not notice or even consider them as such. If the situation is already beyond the norm, if a woman begins to hide behind immense clothes, less and less to leave the house and seek solace in food, then the help of a psychologist will not hurt.

It turns out that 50% of beauty is not a straight nose and big breasts. These are well-groomed hair, clean skin, healthy teeth and so on. These points can be easily and simply put into practice, and you can already be considered a pretty lady, at least. Absolutely everyone can grow hair, throw off a couple of extra kilos, improve the condition of the skin. The modern beauty industry allows you to do this.

If some part of the body does not give you rest and does not lend itself to correction with the help of cosmetics, you can always turn to the services of a plastic surgeon. However, this should not be abused.

There are factors that even surgery cannot change. For example, growth. There is only one way out - to look for pluses in it. Usually it happens like this: tall girls envy their petite girlfriends, and, conversely, short girls dream of getting at least a couple of extra centimeters to their height. Your task is to choose the right style of clothing, shoes, hairstyle, so that the image looks balanced.

How to love yourself?

Are they telling me I'm ugly? Nonsense! Just think for a second that you are the only one in the whole world and there is no other like it and never will be - it's so great! Even though your appearance is imperfect, why do you dwell on your shortcomings when you can be proud of your virtues?

Probably, each of us at least once in her life met a girl who did not have outstanding external data, but at the same time behaved confidently and liberated, thereby attracting the attention of men. Therefore, the most important rule is to behave confidently, it sometimes attracts more than beauty. Therefore, stop feeling sorry for yourself and suffer with or without reason.

Direct your energy towards taking care of yourself. Read a new book, change your wardrobe, experiment with hairstyles, pay attention to physical exercise. And love yourself endlessly, let the appearance become an assistant, not an obstacle on the way to a better life!

Question to the psychologist:

Good afternoon I am 28 years old. I am not married and I do not have a boyfriend. When I was a teenage schoolgirl, boys didn't pay attention to me. Those. They treated me solely as a friend. When everyone had romantic encounters and childhood love, I didn't have that. Of course, I was very worried about this, but due to my nature, I did not tell anyone about it. When someone was interested in this topic, I answered that I needed to study and boys did not interest me. And I myself have developed a complex that I am not beautiful (terrible), although, in fact, this is not so. As a student, I tried to establish my personal life. Met guys online. Having met the boy, he invited me on a date. I came, but he didn't. He called back in the evening and said that he could not get out and could not call and warn. Made an appointment for the next day. Came. He looked at me with a look of contempt and said that he had no time today. In the evening he called back and said that I was not his type. Then, I met another young man. He asked for my photo, and I sent it, to which I received the answer: “Yes, you are beautiful!”. And that's all. My complex has intensified. I withdrew into myself and stopped meeting anyone at all, even when compliments were given to me, I thought that they were just praising me so that I would not be sad. I started making friends with my classmate. He went home for the weekend and when he arrived he said that he had started dating another girl. In order not to delve into all the details, I will only say that all my relationships ended incomprehensibly. At 25, I met a man who was 8 years older than me. We started dating. He helped me believe in myself. But we broke up because he cheated on me with his ex-wife. At the moment I am talking with a young man who is 30 years old, we have been calling and texting for almost half a year, but we have never seen him, although I have repeatedly offered to meet him. He says that he is not ready for a relationship, he refuses to my proposals to stop our communication, because he likes to communicate with me. He promises that the meeting will still take place. To my questions about whether he had an intimate relationship with someone during the period of our communication, he answers in the negative. I really want to believe him, but I can't. Help me understand and believe in myself. After all, the refusal to meet my current friend leads me to the idea that he does not like me as a girl. And I really like him. I'm desperate.

The psychologist answers the question.

Good afternoon, Anna.

I can't say for sure what you need to do...

I can’t, because I don’t know what you communicate with young people about, how you look and why exactly everything ends up like this in your relationship with them.

I can only guess ... and you yourself analyze and draw conclusions.

1. Perhaps you are looking for your destiny and long-term relationship in every young man you like. This scares off the guys, and they "run away" because they are not ready for a serious relationship.

What to do in this case??? To perceive every young person as a friend, nothing more, to be easy to communicate and not to pretend to anything.

2. Perhaps, at some point in time, you begin to perceive the guy as "your own", and present him with "you must": meet, not communicate with anyone, who I don't like ... Perhaps there are notes in your communication with him claims. In this case, the guy wants to get rid of this "should".

What to do? Just live, enjoy life, and let a young person do it: have their own hobbies, interests, perhaps not related to you.

3. Perhaps, in relationships with guys, you seem to be sucked into a funnel - you start constantly thinking about him, calling him, wondering where he is and how, how he is doing, forgetting about yourself. Your life shifts from itself and revolves only around it. So you yourself lose yourself, dissolve and you seem to be gone ... For a guy, you cease to be interesting (that's why he wants, perhaps, to his ex).

What to do? Find yourself: your interests, hobbies, hobbies should come first. Be true to yourself and others will not change you.

4. Perhaps it’s good with you as with a friend - you are a shirt that you can cry on, nothing more ... A woman who likes will not be laid out her problems, they communicate with her carefully in order to reproduce a good impression of a successful person on her. Men's difficulties are the destiny of men, a woman is protected from them. Complain to a friend...

What to do? Respect yourself. Be feminine. You should not ask a man about problems and pretend that you can help with something. The destiny of a woman is to be able to relax a man, to be able to ask him for help and be able to accept it.

Anna, perhaps, and this is not all about you, but perhaps something a little bit from each thesis is yours. But, what will definitely suit you is love and respect for yourself as a woman. Rating 4.00 (4 votes)

Ideals, as a rule, are generated by society: news in the feed, magazine covers and newfangled films. Moreover, the chip is picked up instantly: before Emma Watson had time to post new pictures, as a crowd of fans ran to get the same haircut, before the blogger had time to publish a video with the stages of growing a fashionable beard, the guys immediately stopped shaving - regardless of whether the luxurious growth suits them or No.

I see a beard, but I don't see a philosopher

(lat. Barbam video, sed philosophum non video).

Latin aphorism

And we believe that following the currents will make us cooler, raise us in the eyes of the rest. Of course, rating friends and followers is important. Then we look in the mirror and think: yes, I'm cool, damn it. It is a pity that, having become more modern, we begin to look down on others. And many, whose self-esteem is in a state of swing, immediately fall into melancholy: they say, I do not fall into a new framework.

We are beautiful on our own

Always. It is difficult to be simpler in our world, but what kind of ease can we talk about if there is a problem with self-perception? A disproportionate figure, irregularly shaped eyebrows, unfashionable clothes, inability to use cosmetics, underpumped biceps, no hoverboard ... Yes, all this is nonsense.

Do you know that Rubens painted women whose figures do not fit in any way into the ideal picture of the world that has developed in recent years?

top-antropos.com

And Marilyn Monroe felt great at her not 40 kilograms and, by the way, became an icon for centuries. Who said that starving yourself is healthy and right? "Typical anorexic" is not a plus at all. Experiment with clothes, learn to present yourself in such a way that the rest will open their mouths from your charisma! And weight doesn't matter, trust me.

Tilda Swinton's eyebrows are not visible at all, so what should she do now, build them up? Or rather a tattoo? She is self-sufficient and confident in herself and her abilities. Many directors are fighting for her attention.

As we can see, the 80s and 90s are back in trend. Wring mom or dad a couple of sweaters, jeans - and that's it, you're the king of the party. Try to present your "problematic", as it seems to you, zones as a virtue. The ability to correctly combine the most inconceivable outfits is worth a lot. And it doesn’t matter if the clothes are branded or not, what matters is the confidence and mood with which you wear them.

Can't draw arrows or apply tone? And who said that the abundance of cosmetics will make you more beautiful? Nude is always relevant, remember. View some photos of everyone's favorite Cara Delevingne. She can do bright accents or not do them at all and will look perfect because she does not overdo it.

Worried that all your friends already have big cans, and you still have your expressionless biceps? Pay attention to your intellect. Do those jocks really have something besides muscles that can interest a girl? Take it to others. For example, subtle jokes and beautiful, non-vulgar ones.

Star in your hands

What to say? Loving yourself is hard work. It takes effort and time.

Take a look in the mirror.

You see a personality whose uniqueness is due to mother nature itself. She never lies or makes mistakes.

You were born that. Do not try to make of yourself something that merges with the gray crowd, each of whose representatives considers himself the king of the mountain with a star in his forehead.