When to teach your baby to fall asleep on their own. Sweet dreams, my dear! If the baby does not fall asleep for a long time

Is it possible from the first days of a baby's life to learn to understand his "language" and begin to fully communicate with him? How to understand the character of a newborn in order to care for him, taking into account his personal characteristics and temperament? Are there simple and reliable solutions for common infant problems such as "unreasonable" crying or not wanting to sleep at night?

Tracey Hogg, specialist in newborn care, talks about this and much more. Her many years of experience and recommendations have helped so many families, including stellar ones, to cope with the difficulties of the first year of parenthood and raise happy and healthy babies. All Tracy's advice is extremely practical and accessible to everyone, and the techniques she offers are extremely effective - perhaps because her approach is based on a respectful attitude towards newborn children, albeit small, but personalities.

Why this book is worth reading

• Tracey Hogg is one of the most famous authors of parent-child literature, she is recognized on a par with the eminent Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish, William and Martha Sears;
• a must-have for all parents who have newborns: you will understand what to expect and learn to cope even with what you did not expect;
• the author will competently and kindly explain to every mother and father how to raise a happy child in love, respect and care;
• parents around the world call Tracy the modern Mary Poppins for her actionable advice;
• modern pediatricians recommend the author's books to parents all over the world.

Who is author
Tracey Hogg is rightfully considered the modern Mary Poppins; all over the world, young mothers use her technique to fall asleep babies on their own.
The author was a nurse, and in order to help babies, she had to learn to understand their language and decipher the signals they sent. Thanks to this, Tracy was able to master their non-verbal language. After moving to America, she devoted herself to caring for newborns and women in childbirth and helping new parents.

How to teach a baby to fall asleep on his own and sleep peacefully through the night?

My newborn baby was about two weeks old when I was suddenly deafened by the realization: I will never be able to rest again. Well, never is perhaps too strong a word. There was hope that by sending my son to college, I would still be able to sleep peacefully at night again. But I was ready to give my head for cutting off - as long as he is a baby, this does not shine for me.
Sandy Shelton. Good night sleep and other lies

Sweet dreams, my dear!

In the first days of life, the main occupation of the newborn is sleep. Some sleep in the first week up to 23 hours a day! Of course, every living being needs sleep, but for a newborn it is everything. While the baby sleeps, his brain is working tirelessly to create convolutions necessary for mental, physical and emotional development. If the child had a good night's sleep, he is collected, focused and happy with everything - just like an adult after a good rest. He eats heartily, plays enthusiastically, radiates energy and actively communicates with others.

The body of a child who sleeps poorly cannot function normally because his nervous system is depleted.

He is irritable and uncoordinated. The baby is reluctant to take the breast or bottle. He doesn't have the strength to explore the world. Worst of all, overwork exacerbates the sleep problem. The point is that bad sleep habits create a vicious circle. Some babies are so tired that they are physically unable to calm down and fall asleep. Only when there is absolutely no strength left, the poor things finally turn off. It hurts to watch how the baby literally stuns herself with her own crying, trying to isolate herself from the world, she is so overexcited and upset. But the worst thing is that even this hard-won dream turns out to be shallow and intermittent and sometimes lasts no longer than 20 minutes. As a result, the child almost constantly lives "on the nerves."

So, everything seems to be obvious. But you should know how many people do not understand this simple thing: to develop a healthy sleep habit, an infant needs parental guidance. So-called sleep problems are typical because many parents are unaware: they, and not their children, should decide when the baby goes to bed and how to fall asleep.

In this chapter I will tell you what I myself think about this, and many of my thoughts will certainly come into conflict with what you have read or heard from others. I'll teach you how to notice a baby's fatigue before it becomes overtired, and I'll tell you what to do if you miss a valuable time window when the baby is easy to put to bed. You'll learn how to help your baby fall asleep and how to eliminate sleep-related problems before they become a persistent problem.

Down with delusion: light sleep

Now the minds of parents are owned by two radically different "schools" from one another.
The first includes adherents of co-sleeping, whatever it is called, whether it is "sleeping in the parent's bed" or the Sears method. (Dr. William Sears, a California paediatrician, promotes the idea that babies should be allowed to sleep in their parents' bed until they ask for their own bed.) This method is based on the idea that a child a positive attitude towards sleep and putting to bed should be developed (here I am “for” with both hands) and that the most correct way to this goal is to carry it in my arms, nurse and stroke it until the baby falls asleep (against which I strongly object). Sears, the method's most influential promoter, perplexed in an interview published in Child magazine in 1998: "How can a mother be tempted to put her child in a box of bars and leave him in a dark room all alone?"

Proponents of parent-infant co-sleeping often cite traditions from other cultures, such as Bali, where newborns are not let go until they are three months old. (But we don't live in Bali!) Members of the La Leche League believe that if a baby is having a hard day, mom should stay in bed with him, providing him with the extra contact and care he needs. All this serves to “strengthen the attachment” and create a “sense of security,” so supporters of this view believe it is quite possible for mom and dad to sacrifice their time, personal life and their own need for sleep. And to make it easier for them to do so, Pat Yerian, co-sleeping advocate opined in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, urges disgruntled parents to change their minds: “If you can take the step towards more tolerance [of your baby waking you up], you will be able to enjoy those quiet moments of nighttime interaction with a newborn who needs your hands and affection, or a little older baby who just needs to be with someone next to you. ".

At the other extreme is the delayed response method, often referred to as "Ferber" after Dr. Richard Ferber, director of the Center for the Study of Children's Sleep Disorders at Boston Children's Hospital. According to his theory, bad habits associated with sleep are acquired, which means that they can be weaned (with which I completely agree). Accordingly, he recommends that parents put the baby to bed when he is still awake and teach him to fall asleep on his own (I also agree with this). If the child, instead of falling asleep, begins to cry, actually turning to his parents with an appeal: “Come, take me away from here!” - Ferber advises to leave crying unattended for longer and longer periods of time: the first night for five minutes, the second for 10, then 15, etc. (and here Dr. Ferber and I part ways). Dr. Ferber’s explanation is given in Child magazine: “If a kid wants to play with a dangerous object, we say “no” and set boundaries that can cause him to protest .... The same thing happens when we explain to him that there are rules at night. Sleeping well at night is in his own interest.”

Perhaps you have already joined one or the other camp.
If any of these two methods suits you and your child, fits your lifestyle, do not hesitate, continue in the same spirit. But the fact is that I often get calls from people who have already experienced both of these approaches. Usually events develop as follows. One parent initially favors the idea of ​​co-sleeping with their child and convinces their partner or partner that this is the best thing to do. In the end, there really is something romantic in this - a kind of return "to the origins." And night feedings are no longer a problem. The enthusiastic couple decide not to buy a crib at all. But a few months pass - sometimes quite a lot - and the idyll ends. If mom and dad are very afraid of “sleeping” the child, then they themselves may lose sleep due to constant fears, and someone develops a painful sensitivity to the slightest sound made by the baby in a dream.

The baby may wake up frequently—every two hours—and demand attention. And if it is enough for some kids to stroke or hug them tightly so that they fall asleep again, then others think it's time to play. As a result, parents are forced to roam around the apartment: one night they play with the child in the bedroom, the other they doze in the living room, trying to catch up. Be that as it may, if both of them were not 100% convinced of the correctness of the chosen method, internal resistance begins to grow in one of them who succumbed to the persuasion of the other. This is where this parent grabs the “Ferber” method.

The couple decides it's time for the baby to get her own bed and buy a crib. From the point of view of the baby, this is a revolution, the collapse of the familiar world: “Here are my mom and dad, they put me to bed with them for several months, rocked me, roamed, spared no effort to make me happy, and suddenly - bang! I was rejected, evicted to another room, where everything is alien and frightening! I don’t compare myself to a prisoner and I’m not afraid of the dark, because my infantile mind does not know such concepts, but I am tormented by the question: “Where did everyone go? Where are the native warm bodies that have always been there?” And I cry - otherwise I can not ask: "Where are you?" And they finally show up. They stroke me, ask me to be smart and sleep. But no one taught me how to fall asleep on my own. I'm still a baby!"

In my opinion, radical methods are not suitable for all children. Obviously, they did not suit the children whose parents turn to me for help. Personally, I prefer to stick to what I consider the golden mean from the very beginning. I call my method "smart approach to sleep."

Three phases of sleep

Falling asleep, the child goes through these three phases. The whole cycle lasts about 20 minutes.

Phase 1: "window". Your child cannot say, "I'm tired." But he will demonstrate this to you by yawning and other fatigues. Before he yawns a third time, put him to bed. If this is not done, he will not proceed to the second phase of falling asleep, but will cry.

Phase 2: "off". The beginning of this phase is marked by the characteristic look of the child, frozen, directed to no one knows where - I call it "a look into the far distance." The child holds it for 3-4 minutes, and although his eyes are open, in fact he does not look anywhere - his consciousness hovers somewhere between reality and sleep.

Phase 3: "sleep". Now the child resembles a person who dozed off on the train: the eyes close, the head falls on the chest or to the side. He seems to have fallen asleep, but that was not the case: the eyes suddenly open wide, the head jerks back to its previous position, so that the whole body trembles. Then the eyelids close again, and everything repeats again and again from three to five times, after which he finally sinks into sleep.

What is a smart approach to sleep?

This is the middle way, refusing any extremes. You will notice that my approach takes some of both of these principles, but not all, because, in my opinion, the idea of ​​"let him cry and sleep" is not compatible with a respectful attitude towards the child, and co-sleeping makes parents sacrifice their own interests. My principle takes into account the interests of the family as a whole, the needs of all its members. On the one hand, the baby must be taught to fall asleep on his own - he must feel comfortable and safe in his own bed. On the other hand, he also needs our presence to calm down after stress. You can not start solving the first problem until the second is solved. At the same time, parents also need proper rest, time that they can devote to themselves and each other; their life should not revolve around the baby around the clock, but they still have to give the baby some time, effort and attention. These goals are by no means mutually exclusive. Next, I will tell you what a reasonable approach to sleep is based on, and with this in mind, you will solve all the problems that lie ahead of you. Throughout the text of the chapter, I will give examples of the practical implementation of each element, so that it would be easier for you to master the first "C" of my wonderful PASS (Nutrition - Activity - Sleep - Free time for parents - read more about this in other chapters - approx. Maternity.ru).

Go where you want to go. If the idea of ​​co-sleeping appeals to you, explore it thoroughly. Is this how you would like to spend every night for three months? Six months? Longer? Remember: everything you do is teaching your child. So, if you help him fall asleep by holding him to your chest or rocking him for 40 minutes, you are actually telling him: “So you should fall asleep.” When deciding to go this way, you must be prepared to follow it for a long time.

Independence does not mean neglect. When I say to the mother or father of a newborn baby, “We have to help her become independent,” they look up at me in amazement: “Independent? But, Tracy, she's only a few hours old!" “When do you think we should start?” I ask.

No one, even scientists, can answer this question, because we do not know when exactly the baby begins to comprehend the world in the full sense of the word. "So start right now!" I urge. But teaching independence doesn't mean stopping crying alone. This means meeting the needs of the baby, including picking her up when she cries - because by doing this she is trying to tell you something. But once her needs are met, she needs to be let go.

Watch without interfering. You may remember that I already gave this recommendation when talking about games with a baby. It is also true for sleep. Every time a baby falls asleep, it goes through a sequence of certain phases (see "The Three Phases of Falling Asleep"). Parents should know this sequence well so as not to violate it. We should not interfere with the natural processes of the child's life, but observe them, giving the crumbs the opportunity to fall asleep on their own.

Don't make your child dependent on crutches."Crutch" I call any object or any action, having lost which the child experiences stress. It is not necessary to hope that the baby will learn to fall asleep on his own, if you suggest to him that daddy's hands, half an hour of motion sickness or mommy's nipple in her mouth is always at his service. As I noted in Chapter 4, I approve of the use of pacifiers, but not as a plug for a crying baby. Putting a pacifier or breast on a baby to shut his mouth is simply impolite. Moreover, if we do this or endlessly carry the crumbs in our arms, cradle and rock, in order for her to fall asleep, we actually form her addiction to the “crutch”, depriving her of the opportunity to develop self-soothing skills and learn to fall asleep without outside help.

By the way, a "crutch" is not at all the same as a transitional object - say, a plush toy or a blanket - which the child chooses himself and to which he becomes attached. Most infants under seven or eight months of age are not capable of this - the "attachments" of very young children are for the most part formed by parents. Of course, if your baby is comforted by a favorite toy hanging in her crib, let her have it. But I am against any things that you give her to calm her down. Let her find her own ways to calm down.

Develop rituals for daytime and nighttime sleep. Putting the baby to bed during the day and in the evening should always be a routine. I never tire of emphasizing: babies are incredible traditionalists. They prefer to know what's next. Studies have shown that even very young children, trained to expect certain stimuli, are able to anticipate them.

Learn about your baby's sleep habits. All “recipes” for how to put a baby to sleep have a common drawback: there are no universal remedies. One suits one, another another. Yes, I offer parents a lot of general advice, including acquainting them with the phases of falling asleep that are common to all, but I always advise you to carefully look at your child, the one and only.

The best thing is to keep a sleep log of your baby. In the morning, write down when he woke up, and add entries for each daytime sleep. Note when he was put to bed in the evening and what time he woke up at night. Keep a journal for four days. This is enough to understand how your child’s sleep is “arranged”, even if it seems that there is no system in this.

For example, Marcy was convinced that her eight-month-old Dylan's daytime naps were completely erratic: "He never goes to sleep at the same time, Tracey." But after four days of keeping a journal of observations, she noticed that although the time changes slightly, Dylan always falls asleep briefly between 9 and 10 am, sleeps another 40 minutes between 12:30 and 2:00 pm, and by five in the evening always turns out to be very cranky and irritated and passes out for about 20 minutes. This knowledge helped Marcy plan her day and, last but not least, understand the behavior and mood of her baby. Given Dylan's natural biorhythms, she streamlined his daily life, providing him with the opportunity to fully relax. When he began to act up, she better understood what was the matter and whether he wanted to sleep, and reacted faster.

The Magic Road to Happiness

Remember Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz had to walk down the yellow brick road to find someone to help her get home? After a series of mistakes and disappointments, she finally found this helper - her own wisdom. In fact, I help parents go the same way. Whether or not your child gets healthy sleep is up to you, I explain. This needs to be learned, and the process of learning is initiated and carried out by the parents. Exactly! Babies need to be taught how to fall asleep properly. The path to healthy sleep consists of the following steps.

Create conditions for sleep. Since babies are in dire need of predictability, and repetition is the mother of learning, the same thing should be done and said before every nap and night. Then, at her childish level of understanding, the baby will realize: “I see, so I’m going to sleep now.” Do the same rituals in the same order. Say something like: "Well, my joy, it's time to bye-bye." When moving your baby into her room, stay calm and speak quietly. Don't forget to check if it's time for a diaper change so she's not in the way. Draw the curtains. At the same time, I say: “Goodbye, sunshine, see you when I sleep,” or, if it happens in the evening and it’s dark outside: “Good night, month.” I find it wrong to put a child to sleep in the living room or in the kitchen. It's disrespectful to say the least. Would you yourself like your bed to be in the middle of the trading floor and people loitering around? Of course not! This is what the child does not want.

Catch signals. Just like adults, babies yawn when they get tired. Yawning is a natural response:
a tired body does not function optimally, and the amount of oxygen entering the brain due to the work of the lungs, heart and circulatory system is slightly reduced. Yawning allows you to "swallow" more oxygen (try to mimic a yawn and you will feel that the breath becomes deeper). I urge parents to respond as much as possible to the first yawn of the baby - well, at least the third. If you overlook the signs of drowsiness (see "Signs That It's Time for Baby to Sleep"), then certain types of children, such as mimosas, will quickly turn into tantrums.

Advice. To create the right mood for the child, draw his attention to the pleasant aspects of the rest. Sleep should not seem like a punishment or a struggle to him. If you say “it’s time to sleep” or “you’re tired, you need to rest” in such a tone as they say “get out of sight, ugly boy!”, then the child will grow up in the belief that they are sentenced to daytime sleep, as if to exile in Siberia, juvenile delinquents to deprive them of every pleasure.

The closer to the bedroom, the quieter the speech and the slower the movements. Adults like to read a book or watch TV before bed to take their minds off the day's worries. Babies need to relax too. Before going to bed, nightly bathing, and from the age of three months and massage will help the baby get ready for bed. Even before a day's rest, I always put on a soothing lullaby. For about five minutes, I sit with the baby in a rocking chair or on the floor so that she gets more tactile sensations. If you want, you can tell her a story or just whisper sweet words. However, the purpose of all this is not to put the child to sleep, but to calm him down. Therefore, I immediately stop pumping the baby as soon as I see a “look into the far distance” - the second phase of falling asleep - or I notice that her eyelids are lowered, telling me that she is moving on to the third phase. (As for bedtime stories, it’s never too early to start, but I usually start reading aloud at about six months old, when the child can already sit and listen intently.)

Advice. Do not invite guests at the time when you put the child to bed. This is not a performance. The child wants to participate in everything. He sees the guests and knows that they have come to visit him: “Wow, new faces! You can look and smile! So what, mommy and daddy think I'll fall asleep and miss it all? Well, I do not!"

First in bed, then in the land of dreams. Many people believe that the child can be put to bed only when he falls asleep. This is mistake. Put your baby to bed at the beginning of the third phase - there is no better way to help her learn to fall asleep on her own. There is another reason: think about how the baby feels, falling asleep in your arms or in a swinging device, and waking up for some reason in the crib. Imagine that I wait until you are asleep and drag your bed out of the bedroom and out into the garden. You wake up and you can’t understand anything: “Where am I? How did I get here? Only, unlike you, a baby cannot conclude: “Oh, it’s clear that someone dragged me here while I was sleeping.” The child will be disoriented, even scared. Eventually, he will no longer feel safe in his own bed.

Putting the child to bed, I always say the same words: “Now I will put it to you, and you will sleep. You know how great it is and how wonderful you feel afterwards.” And I keep a close eye on the baby. Before lying down, she may become restless, especially when she shudders all over, which is characteristic of the third phase of falling asleep. There is no need to immediately pick up the child in your arms. Some children calm themselves down and fall asleep. But, if the baby is crying, gently and rhythmically pat her on the back - let her feel that she is not alone. However, remember: as soon as she stops fiddling and whining, you need to immediately stop stroking her. If you do this for longer than she really needs, she will begin to associate strokes and pats with falling asleep and will no longer be able to fall asleep without it.

Advice. I usually recommend laying the baby on his back. But you can also arrange it on its side, propping it up with two towels rolled into rollers or special wedge-shaped pillows that are sold in most pharmacies. If the child sleeps on its side, make sure that the side changes.

If the road to dreamland is bumpy, give your child a pacifier. I like to use a pacifier in the first three months of a newborn's life - the period when we form a daily routine. This saves the mother from having to replace the pacifier with her own presence. At the same time, I always warn that the dummy should not be used uncontrollably - it should not turn into a "crutch". With a reasonable approach of parents to this issue, the baby selflessly sucks for six to seven minutes, then the sucking movements slow down, and, in the end, the pacifier falls out of the mouth. The baby has already spent as much energy on sucking as it takes to relieve tension, and safely leaves for the realm of sleep. At this point, some well-intentioned adults come up and say, "Oh, poor thing, you've lost your papilla!" — and shove it back. Do not do that! If the baby needs a pacifier so that the sleep is not interrupted, he will let you know about it - he will begin to whimper and make gurgling sounds.

So, every time the PASS mode brings you to the first "C", follow the above rules - for most babies, this is enough for them to have positive associations with sleep. Let the baby be led into the land of dreams by the same familiar steps, because for him, predictability means safety. You will be surprised how quickly your baby will learn the skills necessary for a reasonably organized sleep. She will even wait for bedtime, because it is so pleasant, and after sleep you feel much more cheerful. Of course, problems cannot be avoided: for example, if a baby
overworked, if she is teething or has a fever (see section on Normal Sleep Problems). But these days are the exception to the rule.

Remember, in order to fall asleep for real, the child needs 20 minutes, and in no case try to speed things up. You will only disrupt the natural process of falling asleep, and the baby will get nervous. For example, if a loud noise, a dog barking, or a slamming door—or whatever—disturbs her in the third phase, she will not fall asleep, but rather wake up, and everything will have to start all over again. The same thing happens to adults when they are about to fall asleep and suddenly a phone call breaks the silence. If a person is irritated or agitated, it can be difficult for him to doze off again. Babies are people too! They're just as nervous, the sleep cycle starts all over again, and you have to wait another 20 minutes for your child to fall into a deep sleep.

If you missed the "window"

If the baby is still very young and you have not had time to thoroughly study his crying and body language, it is more than likely that you will not always be able to respond to his first, second or third yawn. If you have an "angel" or "textbook", it's okay - these kids need a little attention and affection to quickly bounce back. But with other types of babies, especially mimosas, it's helpful to have a little trick or two in the stash in case you miss phase one because the baby is about to overwork. Yes, and sudden noise or other interference at any time can disrupt the natural process of falling asleep, and if the baby is very worried, he will need your help.

First of all, I will tell you what you should not do in any case: do not rock. Do not walk around the room with your child, do not shake him
too energetic. Remember, he's already overexcited. He cries because he has had enough stimuli and crying helps to distract from sounds and from light. You don't need to whip up the activity of his nervous system any more. Moreover, it is with this that the formation of bad habits usually begins. Mom or dad carry the child in their arms or rock to sleep to help them fall asleep. When his weight exceeds 6.5 kg, they try to get him to fall asleep without these "crutches". Of course, the child protests, as if to say, “No, dear ones, we don't do that. You always rock me."

If you do not want to fall into this vicious cycle, do the following to help your child calm down and disconnect from external stimuli.

Swaddling. After long months in the fetal position, the newborn is not accustomed to open space. In addition, he does not yet know that his arms and legs are part of himself. An overworked infant must be given a motionless position, because he is terribly frightened at the sight of randomly moving limbs - it seems to him that someone else is plotting something against him. In addition, these impressions additionally load the already overexcited nervous system. Swaddling is one of the oldest techniques to help a newborn calm down. It may seem old-fashioned, but modern scientific research confirms its effectiveness. To properly swaddle your baby, fold a square swaddle diagonally. Lay the child on the resulting triangle so that the fold is approximately at the level of his neck. Place one arm of the child on his chest at an angle of 45? and tightly wrap the body with the appropriate corner of the diaper. Repeat on the other side. I recommend swaddling during the first six weeks of life. After the seventh week, when the baby makes the first attempts to put his hands in his mouth, you need to give him such an opportunity. Bend his arms at the elbows and leave the palms unwrapped, closer to his face.

Soothing touch. Let the baby know that you are there and always ready to help him. Rhythmically pat him on the back, imitating heart beats. You can also repeat "shh... shh... shh..." - this will remind the baby of the sounds that he heard in the womb. In a low, soothing voice, whisper in his ear, "It's okay" or "You'll just sleep." For some time after you put the baby in the crib, continue to do what you did while holding him in your arms - clap, whisper. The transition from your hands to your own bed will become less abrupt.

Eliminate visual stimuli. Visual stimuli - light, moving objects - are painful for an overworked baby, especially for a mimosa. So we shade the room before we put the baby in the crib, but for some babies this is not enough. If your child is already lying down, place your hand over their eyes—do not place them over their eyes—to shield them from visual stimuli. If you are still holding it, stand motionless in semi-darkness, and with a very overexcited child, in a completely dark room.

Don't go after the child. It is very difficult for parents to cope with an overworked baby. Endless patience and determination are needed, especially if bad sleep behavior has already become a habit. The child whimpers, the parents continue to stroke him, the crying becomes louder. Overwhelmed with stimuli, the infant cries in increasing amounts until it reaches a deafening cry - very clear: "I have no more strength!" Then he takes a breath, and everything starts anew. Usually, the increase in crying occurs three times, until, finally, the child calms down. But already on the second run, many parents lose their nerves, and in desperation they return to the usual “medicine”, whether it is motion sickness, breast offering or a terrible shaking chair.

This is where the problem lies. As long as you keep interfering, the baby needs your help to get to sleep. It doesn’t take a lot of time for a baby to form a dependence on a “crutch” - just a few times is enough, because he still has a very short memory. Wrong start - and every day when you repeat your mistake, the unwanted behavior of the baby will be reinforced. I am often asked for help when the weight of a child reaches 6-7 kg and it becomes burdensome to shake him in your arms. The most serious problems arise when the child is one and a half to two months old. I always tell parents, “You have to understand what's going on and take responsibility for the child's bad habits because you created them. And then the most difficult thing will come: be determined and persistently instill in the baby new, correct behavioral skills. (For more on forming bad habits, see Chapter 9.)

Peaceful sleep until morning

A chapter on baby sleep would be incomplete without talking about when babies stop waking up in the middle of the night.

Let me first remind you that your baby's "day" is 24 hours. She does not distinguish between day and night and has no idea what it means to "sleep until morning without waking up." This is your desire (and need). Sleeping through the night is not an innate property, but an acquired skill. You must teach her to do this and give her an idea of ​​the difference between day and night. To this end, I give parents the following reminder tips.

Be guided by the principle "how much has gone, so much has arrived." For example, if in the morning he was very capricious, and instead of the next feeding, he fills up an extra half an hour, you leave him alone, knowing that he needs this rest (if he lived on a tight schedule, you would wake him up). But don't forget common sense. Do not let your baby sleep more than one feeding cycle during the day, i.e. more than three hours, otherwise he will not sleep at night. I guarantee that no baby who sleeps six hours during the day without a break will sleep more than three hours at night. And if your child does this, you can be sure that he has confused day and night. The only way to “call him to order” is to wake him up, and his nighttime sleep will arrive exactly as many hours as the daytime has gone.

"Fill tank full." It sounds rude, but in order for a baby to sleep through the night, he must have a full stomach. Therefore, from the age of six weeks, I recommend the following two doses: paired feedings - every two hours in anticipation of a night's sleep - and "sleepy" feedings just before you yourself go to bed. For example, you give your baby a breast (or a bottle) at 18:00 and at 20:00 and arrange a "sleepy" feeding at 22:30 or at 23:00. During this last feeding, the baby does not wake up, so its name should be taken literally. In other words, you carefully take the baby in your arms, lightly touch her lower lip with a nipple or nipple, and let her saturate, and your job is to try not to wake her up. When she finishes sucking, go without spitting up. During "sleepy" feedings, babies are so relaxed that they do not swallow air. Keep silent. Do not change the diaper unless it is wet or soiled. With these two tricks, most kids can skip the night feed, as long as they've consumed enough calories for five to six hours.

Advice."Sleepy" feeding of an artificial person can be entrusted to dad. At this time, most men are already at home, and they usually like such an assignment.

Use a blank. If the pacifier doesn't turn into a crutch, it's a great help to help you skip nighttime feedings. A child weighing 4.5 kg or more who consumes at least 700-850 g of formula or has six to eight breastfeeds during the day (four to five during the day and two to three paired at bedtime) does not need another feeding during the day. nights so as not to die of hunger. If he wakes up anyway, then it's all about the sucking reflex. This is where a dummy comes in handy if you use it correctly. Let's say your baby usually needs 20 minutes of nighttime feeding. If he wakes up crying, requires a breast or a bottle and is content with five minutes, having sucked out some drops, it is better to give him a pacifier.

On the first night, he will most likely suck her for those 20 minutes until he falls into a deep sleep. The next night, perhaps, it will cost 10 minutes, and on the third, he will not wake up at all at the usual time of night feeding, but only tinker in his sleep. If he does wake up, give him a pacifier. In other words, instead of a bottle or breast, a pacifier is quite suitable. Gradually, the baby will completely stop waking up for this.

That was the case with Cody, Juliana's son. Cody weighed 6.8 kg, and Juliana, after careful observation, realized that the boy wakes up at 3:00 out of habit. Cody sucked from the bottle for about 10 minutes and immediately fell asleep. Juliana asked me to visit, first of all, to make sure that her conclusion was correct (however, from one description of her, I realized that she was right). Besides, she wanted Cody to unlearn waking up at this time. I spent three nights at their house. The first night I took Cody out of the crib and gave him a pacifier instead of a bottle, which he sucked for 10 minutes, as he used to suck on a bottle. The next night I left him in his crib, gave him a pacifier, and this time he sucked for only three minutes. On the third night, as expected, Cody whimpered a little at 3:15 but didn't wake up. That's all! From that moment he slept peacefully until six or seven in the morning.

Don't run up to the child. The sleep of an infant is intermittent, so it is unwise to respond to any sound. I often convince parents to get rid of the damned "baby monitors" that amplify any sigh or squeak of the baby to their ears. These gizmos turn parents into freaky alarmists! I never tire of repeating: you need to understand the difference between a response and a rescue operation. If the parents are responsive to the child's needs, the child will grow up confident and not afraid to explore the world. But if his parents continuously "rescue" him, then he is imbued with doubts about his abilities. He does not develop the character traits and skills necessary to explore the world and feel calm and comfortable in it.

Co-sleeping with your baby is a huge benefit. Thanks to him, mom feels better, as she stops running to the crib at night, always monitors the body temperature of the crumbs, and finally calms down next to him.

True, the pediatrician does not share these joys, and he has a lot of reasons for that. Today we’ll talk about them, as well as how to teach a child to fall asleep on his own in a crib.

Already in the hospital, gynecologists advocate separate sleep. They justify their decision with facts: in a dream it is easy to injure or strangle a child. Their advice is followed by most young women. They prepare beautiful beds, buy orthopedic mattresses, arrange a place to sleep in the best way, and it all ends with the fact that the newborn does not sleep there.

I remember my friend was tormented with her baby, trying to put him to sleep separately for the first 3-4 months. Then she gave up, shifted him to her and ... finally, got some sleep. The experience of separate sleep was repeated only a year later. Again it did not work out, but the parents did not give up and returned to him at the age of 2 years. Since then, he has been sleeping on his own and so far successfully.

WHO experts, by the way, do not see anything surprising in this. According to them, co-sleeping has its advantages:

• In the first 1 - 2 months, it provides psychological comfort to the baby. Judge for yourself: during his life in the womb, he got used to the constant presence of his mother. He feels it by the beating of his heart and measured breathing, and this makes him calm.
• Mom, who no longer needs to run to the crib, can now take a break. In addition, she has constant bodily contact with the baby, which, according to doctors, also stimulates the production of breast milk.
• Tactile stimulation is also important for the normal development of the child's central nervous system, the work of the respiratory center, which is confirmed by the results of studies. It turns out that when sleeping together with parents, the risk of sudden infant death from sleep apnea decreases several times.
• At an older age, at 1.5 years and older, sleeping with parents helps children fight fears.

Summing up all of the above, I would like to note that in the first three months of life, sleeping with mom is a necessity for a child. It does not go away even at the age of 5-6 months, since at this time some children begin to cut their teeth. They sleep worse, but their mother's presence and constant access to the breast helps them feel good if breastfeeding is practiced.

At 7 - 8 months, you can repeat the attempt to wean from co-sleeping, especially if it brings inconvenience to one of the parents. For example, because of him, someone does not get enough sleep. By the way, not everyone succeeds: the child is still small, so it’s impossible to explain to him why parents should sleep separately from him.

By the way, it is difficult to do this even at 9-10 months. If you agree with this, do not force yourself. It is better to move the crib closer, removing one side so that the baby can find free space in it for himself, being at arm's length from you. It is possible that in this way you will have to sleep at 10 - 11 months.

Contrary to popular belief that a one-year-old baby is more independent, it is also difficult to teach a child to fall asleep separately in a year. Especially when it comes to one that literally does not get off the hands. But in 2 years you can and should try again. It is best to go together for children's bed linen and arrange a bed to the taste of the child. Rest assured he will appreciate it.

Finally, all experts are convinced that children can sleep separately at the age of 2.5 - 3 years. This is the time when babies need less mother's presence and understand more. If you didn’t manage to put the baby in your crib from birth, then everything will definitely come out now. Try it, and you will most likely be convinced of this.

What is the best age to teach yourself to fall asleep on your own?

Note! The ability and willingness to fall asleep on your own in a crib at the age of 2-3 years is just a statement of fact, but not a recommendation for action at all. You don't have to wait until that age. To achieve the goal, having reached it, you should start working on the problem earlier. Most pediatricians, when asked at what age to accustom a child to separate sleep, name the figure at 6 months.

As a rule, during this period, the number of night feedings is reduced to a minimum, as is the number of mother's walks at night. True, it is important to recall here that all children are different. Hoping that everything will work out at once, or even two, is not worth it. Some need months of training.

By the way, in no case should one be categorical regarding the choice of a place to sleep for a child. It is believed that how calm and comfortable he will be at the age of 6 - 24 months depends on his ability to get enough sleep and properly respond to stress in adulthood.

How to teach to fall asleep on your own without motion sickness

Perhaps, many of us have come across a situation where a newborn baby wanted to squeeze and hug before going to bed. Grandmothers then dissuaded from this case, and not in vain. The child grows, gradually turning into a one-year-old, large toddler, who also loves to cuddle and fall asleep in his arms, but weighs a lot. Now it is difficult to keep it, but it is necessary.

For some, rebuilding a baby for sleep without motion sickness is easy, while for others it takes years. Why? The answer is again obvious: all children are different.

What can prevent you from falling asleep faster?

• No mode. Pediatricians knowingly recommend feeding, walking and putting children to bed strictly at a certain time. This is not a whim, but a necessity, thanks to which they know what awaits them, and gladly do what is required of them.
• Unspent energy. It's easy to tire a one-month-old baby. A little wakefulness, even if it is a game during the bath, and he is assured of sound sleep. With older children it is more difficult. They are exhausted by massages, gymnastics, frequent lying on the stomach or games. In a word, it is necessary to provide conditions under which energy will be effectively wasted during the day, then there will be no problems with sleep at night.
• Errors in the mother's menu, if the child is breastfeeding. Did you know that sweets and strong teas affect the quality of sleep, even if you don't notice it. To be convinced of this, it is enough to refuse them. It is also better to replace fatty and fried foods with fruits and vegetables, for example, "sleeping pills". Bright representatives of this group of products are bananas. Milk, chicken meat, barley and rice have similar properties.
• Discomfort, feeling unwell. During the period of colds and SARS, the baby's sleep is disturbed. This happens with colic, at the time of teething. If they are observed, it is better to postpone training until better times.

When the above factors are excluded, it's time to follow the advice. If the time has come for you when you need to accustom your baby to separate sleep, adopt a few effective methods:

• Ritual choice. What does your child love the most? A fairy tale, massages, bathing? Choose the right one and be sure to do it every night before going to bed.
• Nesting. Very young children, who have not yet forgotten how warm and comfortable it is in the womb, will appreciate the creation of a good sleeping place. Equip the walls of the crib with soft sides, lay cushions or a blanket around the perimeter, thus providing a cozy nest. Your baby will appreciate it.
• Native scent. Experienced mothers have this method in stock: they put their warm little thing next to the falling asleep child. She exudes a motherly scent and soothes the baby.
• Joint sleeping. Let this be your key to separate sleep without motion sickness. Do not immediately leave the baby in the crib. Stay with him, stroke his back. Most importantly, don't make eye contact or talk. So he falls asleep faster.

White noise helps babies to fall into a deep sleep: hissing or the sounds of nature. At the same time, constant sleep in the car or in the stroller during the walks only gets in the way. The child gets used to motion sickness and refuses to fall asleep without it.

How to teach to fall asleep on your own without a breast

Interestingly, when asked when it is possible to teach a child to go to sleep without a breast in his mouth, experts name different ages. True, most of them are sure: the sooner the better. What do I need to do?

The scientific literature advises to find another way to calm down, namely, this is the effect that the chest produces. It will take days to rebuild. And at first, you may need to alternate breasts and a new hobby.

On the forums, mothers also offer an easier way: feed the babies only while sitting. It will suit them, however, only after reaching 6 months of age, but it will give the result. Subsequently, you can put them to sleep without a breast.

How to teach yourself to fall asleep at night and during the day

To make it easier to close your eyes during the day, cover the curtains, ask your family to leave the room and not make noise.

Komarovsky and other pediatricians also advise:

• Use the crib for sleeping only. If they play and frolic in it, it will not cause thoughts of rest.
• Put to bed only when the child really wants it. And for this you need to exhaust it first.
• Don't expect him to fall asleep instantly. It is important to give the opportunity to choose the time of going to bed. Let him lie quietly with his eyes open or closed. For older children, so as not to be afraid, you can leave a night light or give a bear to the crib.

The process of accustoming to separate sleep does not always go smoothly. Children react differently to change, but sometimes they really need it. According to psychologists, delaying weaning from the parental bed has a negative impact on both the relationship of the spouses and the future of the baby (he loses another opportunity to become independent).

For many parents, this topic is a burning one. Indeed, every evening we put the children to bed: we read fairy tales, sing lullabies, persuade, lull ... All this can go on for quite a long time. Sometimes the process of falling asleep lasts more than an hour. All the songs are sung, fairy tales follow one another, and the baby keeps spinning and spinning. Is it possible to teach a child to fall asleep on his own? And if so, how to do it?

It is quite possible to realize this idea. You will need some knowledge, patience, consistency in your actions and confidence that everything will work out. And of course - an individual approach. All children are different and there cannot be a single algorithm of actions. There is only a certain scheme, which will vary to some extent in each case. Usually, a mother feels best of all what her baby is already ready for, and what needs to be delayed. Therefore, it is more worth relying on your maternal intuition.

Individuality begins to manifest almost from birth. Some children begin to fall asleep on their own from infancy, mostly they are calm, slow babies. Mobile and emotional babies often cannot fall asleep themselves and require at this moment someone's presence, more often than their mother's. This is due to the fact that the child's nervous system is still imperfect, the processes of excitation and inhibition are not balanced. Probably, many parents notice that a child who has played out cannot stop (even when he no longer wants to run and jump) and begins to act up. This happens because the nervous system is "overloaded" with the information received. And by the evening, as a rule, the number of impressions accumulates, so it is difficult for the child to calm down on his own, this requires outside intervention.

Babies often like to fall asleep (and sometimes sleep) near their mother's chest. They still have a largely sucking reflex, a need to feel their mother's warmth. They feel safe next to her and this feeling is still very necessary for them. Therefore, if the baby categorically does not want to fall asleep on his own, do not insist. It is hardly possible to explain something to him now, so be patient until he grows up a little. Older children can already be gradually led to the fact that they need to fall asleep on their own. At what age it is better to start - it is difficult to determine exactly. One child in a year with a little will learn without problems, and the other in two and a half will require the presence of his mother. So this should be approached selectively.

The best place to start is with preparation. As already mentioned, by the evening the amount of information received is such that it is difficult for the child to cope with it. Therefore, as a rule, capriciousness intensifies in the evening. An hour and a half before bedtime, switch the baby to calm games. It is better if toys, plots and books are familiar to him - there are enough new impressions for today. Save for this purpose a book already read more than once, but not used for several days (or an already familiar game, toy). You can periodically leave the child alone in the room at this time, while making sure that he does not start to get nervous, worried or too "play out". Play around with your baby before going to bed near his bed. Among other calm plots, the following can be suggested: putting the dolls to bed, putting the cars in the garage, putting the cubes in a box, or something else on a “sleepy” theme. It may not work at first, as the child at this time will want to play football or learn a new dance. In this case, be patient, keep calm and believe in success, because children only learn everything. And this process is not always easy, moreover, it is the adult who plays the leading role in it. Your mood is transmitted to the child, so it is very important not to lose optimism.

But now it's time to go to bed. All the toys are stacked, the evening exercise is over and the baby is already in bed. It remains to sing a lullaby, wish good night, kiss the child and leave him to fall asleep alone. Here it is important to introduce and subsequently observe a certain “falling asleep ritual” - a set of actions that will mean that the day is over and it's time to rest. You can first lie down next to the baby, tell how wonderful he is, how you love him, be proud of him, what a treasure he is ... It is better to avoid direct eye-to-eye gaze - it helps to establish emotional contact. And it doesn't help you fall asleep at all. So lay the baby facing away from you. It is better to give preference to a simple lullaby than a fairy tale: an interesting plot includes fantasy, and here, too, there is no time for sleep. If the child is very insistent, you can tell your favorite fairy tale, it is better if it is simple and short. Set up the baby that it is time for him to fall asleep on his own, since he is already big, that you are always there and therefore there is nothing to be afraid of. It is very possible that the child will call you very soon - come back, calm down, kiss and again leave one. At first, you will need several of these "approaches", but over time, the child will begin to fall asleep very quickly. It is important that he does not cry for a long time without you - be there, literally "at a squeak distance." If your child has a favorite toy, offer to fall asleep with it.

It is much more convenient for mom and more interesting for the baby - to go to bed not in the crib where he slept from birth, but, for example, on his own sofa. There are examples when difficulties with falling asleep disappeared when the child got his own sofa: he became interested, he is “like an adult”. This will be relevant for older children - at 2-3 years old, when the child will already be able to appreciate such "involvement" in the world of adults.

If the mother is mostly with the baby, then you can instruct the father (or another family member whom the child does not see so often) to put him down. As a rule, with dads, children are much less capricious and behave calmer. Persuasion and suggestion that it's time to fall asleep on your own, from dad's lips, will most likely have an effect. After all, you can “influence” your mother with tears, screams, but such a number basically does not work with dad. The methodology remains the same, although if dad offers some kind of reasonable innovation, it’s worth listening.

A good helper in teaching a child to fall asleep on his own is the daily routine. Children who are accustomed to going to bed at the same time, as a rule, behave more calmly in life and, therefore, will be able to fall asleep themselves more easily and faster. If the child does not have a regimen, it is worth working out. This will make it easier for both you and him. Here, almost everything depends on parental self-discipline. Of course, it will take a lot of patience, perseverance and consistency, but the result will please you in the end.

As a rule, children who fall asleep on their own fall asleep fairly quickly. 5-10 minutes and the baby is already asleep. This is good not only for parents, but also for the child himself. Do not forget that all children are different. And if the baby resists your actions, does not want to fall asleep without a mother, cries and insists on her presence - no need to persist. Postpone this for a while. The child grows rapidly, matures, grows wiser. Perhaps in a few weeks everything will turn out much faster and easier. Just try again after a while.

Why kids don't want to go to bed

So, dear parents, we have already found out that one of the most important prerequisites for a calm and long night's sleep for a baby is the ability to fall asleep on its own in its crib. But how do you get him used to it?

Why does even a very tired baby falling asleep in your arms start crying when he suddenly finds himself alone in the crib? And why does an older child rarely go to sleep on his own and sometimes fall asleep right during the game, one might say, against his will?

1. Every little one craves the most closeness of their parents. Being alone in bed means for him to part with his parents, no longer feel their soothing closeness and native warmth. Of course, a rare kid will agree to this without protest, especially if he is spoiled by parental attention during the day and "does not get away with it."

2. Often the baby falls asleep while breastfeeding or in the arms of her mother. Once he notices that as soon as he falls asleep, how his mother tries to carefully transfer him to a crib, the baby will next time resist sleep with all his might, not to miss this moment. When he falls asleep, he will sleep very sensitively. Feeling how you shift him to the crib, he will immediately wake up and express his disagreement with a loud cry. Try to sleep yourself if you know, for example, that as soon as you close your eyes, someone will steal your blanket ...

3. Maybe the baby happened to wake up at night in a crib wet, cold, hungry or frightened by a bad dream. He felt lonely and forgotten, and he had to wait longer for his mother to come than during the day. After such an experience, the baby may experience a subconscious fear of sleep and protest when he is alone in his crib.

4. Very often the baby we are trying to put to bed is just not tired enough.

5. For an older child, going to bed means part with some interesting occupation, finish the game, say goodbye to the guests sitting in the next room, etc.

6. Knowing that parents or older brothers and sisters do not go to bed yet, the kid does not want to agree with such "injustice".

7. Some children are afraid darkness.

8. Sometimes kids don't want to go to bed just because we spoiled their. The child uses the evening persuasion of the parents to prolong the time, or they serve him as an occasion for self-affirmation.

So, five-year-old Verochka came up with a new reason every evening to stay up. Now she was thirsty, then she could not find her favorite toy, then the pillow moved to one side. On other days, she called her mother because she forgot to kiss her goodnight or ask her about something important. Sometimes Vera's pajamas slipped off, sometimes she was too hot or cold. From time to time she heard strange noises in the room or saw shadows moving along the wall. On some days, she wanted to go to the toilet several times in a row or an empty stomach would not let the girl fall asleep. Either something itched in Vera, or it hurt ... But in fact, the girl simply enjoyed the attention of her mother, who returned several times every evening to her daughter's room and reassured her.

If many children are afraid of the dark, then Sashenka was afraid of silence. Parents did not know this for a long time and unsuccessfully tried to teach the boy to fall asleep alone in his room behind a closed door. Once, as usual, after closing the door to his room, my mother went to the kitchen. To her surprise, she did not hear the usual cries and protests this time. Thinking that the baby had finally learned to fall asleep alone, the mother went about her housework - washing the dishes, cleaning them, boiling tea, etc. When she finished her chores and went to see if her son was really sleeping, she found that the door to the children's room was wide open open and the boy is sleeping peacefully in his bed. Sasha learned to get out of the crib and opened the door on his own! And the clatter of dishes, the splash of water and the noise of a boiling kettle meant for him that his mother was nearby and, therefore, he could sleep peacefully ...

TIP OF THE DAY ____________________

Sometimes it may turn out that helping your baby fall asleep is easier than you thought. So, timid children can be calmed by a nightlight or an open door to the children's room, and older children fall asleep more readily if they are allowed to go to bed an hour later.

How to get your little one to fall asleep on their own

You can teach your baby to fall asleep without the help of parents and without any aids at any age. But the most easily accustomed to this baby aged from 1.5 to 3 months. Therefore, it is better to start with accustoming gradually from birth, while the child is not yet accustomed to all sorts of unfavorable rituals, from which it is not so easy to wean him later. If such habits have already developed, parents will need a little more patience, because the baby is unlikely to give them up voluntarily. But even in this case, the problem is completely solvable, and it will most likely take no more than a week to solve it!

1. To teach a baby to fall asleep on its own, you need from the very beginning as often as possible put him alone in a crib, yet staying close to him. If you carry the baby in your arms all day or rock him in the stroller during the day, then, being alone in a motionless bed, he will feel insecure. This feeling will be unusual for the baby, and he is unlikely to be able to sleep peacefully. Accustomed to the crib, the baby feels calm there, and in a familiar environment, any child falls asleep better.

2. Putting a baby alone in a crib does not mean leaving him there for a long time, especially if he cries. No, of course, a crying child needs to be calmed down. But once he's stopped crying, don't carry him around. Put him down again so that he can see you or hear your voice. Talk to him, sing to him, but leave him in the crib so that he gradually gets used to it. Among other things, the child will learn to deal with himself in this way: look at his hands or play with them, look around, listen to the sounds around him, etc. Well, you yourself will have time to redo more things that you would not have had time if you had the baby was in your arms all the time.

3. If the baby at first falls asleep only on your chest, it's okay. You don't need to wake him up. For starters, it will be enough if he gets used to his bed while awake. When he has a regimen with a certain sleep time, you need to gradually start separate food and sleep. Babies who like to fall asleep on the breast or with a bottle are best fed when they wake up, or at least some time before bedtime. And by the time when the baby usually falls asleep, you need to put him alone in the crib. By this time, he is already tired and his "internal clock" has switched to sleep, so it will be easier for him to fall asleep without your help.

4. At first, it is not necessary to put the child alone in the crib before going to bed every time. You can start with once or twice a day, at the very time when, in your experience, the baby falls asleep most easily. For most children, it is evening, but there are children who fall asleep faster in the morning or afternoon. The main thing is that you and the baby feel that falling asleep on your own is, in principle, possible. Then it will become a habit - it's just a matter of time.

5. And what if you put the baby in the crib before going to bed and he starts crying bitterly? Try first calm him down without holding him.Stroke him, sing a song, talk to him, tell him how much you love him. Explain that it's time for bed to gain new strength, that you are there and will protect the baby while he sleeps. If the baby is still crying, pick him up. But as soon as he calms down, put him back in the crib. Crying again - try to calm down again without picking up, and only then, if all in vain, take the baby out of the crib. Maybe he is still too small and it is worth waiting a couple of weeks, so that then again carefully begin to accustom him to falling asleep on his own. And from the age of six months, you can already go to the method of Dr. Ferber, which will be presented later, in the section "If the child does not want to go to bed alone."

6. Helps some kids sleep pacifier. But as soon as the baby is sound asleep, carefully remove the pacifier from his mouth, otherwise he will wake up when he loses it in his sleep. And if the baby, waking up at night, is looking for a pacifier and cries, then it can become an effective help only when he learns to find it himself.

7. Babies in the first months of life sleep better if they rest on the top of the head in a rolled up diaper, pillow or back of a crib protected by a blanket. It reminds them of the feeling in the womb. (My daughter loved this feeling even in her older years. I always covered the top headboard with a blanket, and my daughter fit on the very top of the pillow to rest her head on the back.)

8. You can also swaddle tighter baby at bedtime, which will also remind him of crampedness before birth. And when the baby gets older, he can help sleeping bag or mother's shirt, tied at the bottom with a knot.

9. Mom's smell in general, it has a calming effect on babies, and you can simply put something from mother's (worn) clothes next to the baby's head.

10. But do not forget that the main condition for a child to fall asleep on their own is correctly selected laying time. The kid must really get tired, otherwise attempts to put him down will not be successful. The easiest way to do this is if you have already introduced a strict daily routine. In this case, you know in advance when the "internal clock" of the child will switch to sleep. If not, then you will have to rely on your intuition and experience. A tired baby begins to yawn, rub his eyes or act up for no reason. Try to guess the best moment, when his eyes are already closing by themselves, to put him alone in the crib.

Two-month-old Mariska, after eating, each time fell asleep on her mother's chest. Mom did not want to wake up the baby, so the girl slept during the day after each feeding. Still - warm, cozy, satisfying. In the evening, when Marin's mother tried to teach the baby to fall asleep on her own in her crib, she desperately resisted. First, she used to fall asleep only on her chest. Secondly, having slept enough during the day, she was not at all tired in the evening.

Therefore, Marishka's mother decided to start separating the baby's food and sleep during the day. She began to feed her immediately after she woke up. And by the time Marina usually fell asleep, her mother put her alone in a crib and tried to lull her with gentle strokes and lullabies. At first, Marishka, who did not understand such "injustice", often cried and could not sleep. But in the evening, the tired girl instantly fell asleep, without waiting for her mother's help. Soon she realized that if it was not scary to fall asleep without her mother's breast in the evening, then she could do it during the day. Especially if shouting still does not achieve anything.

Mother-in-law gave Kostya's mother a red-pink night light. She did not like him, and she removed him to a far corner. When the night light in her son's room broke, the mother remembered her gift and took it from the top shelf. Let it burn until I get a new one, she thought. “Better a scary red night light than leaving a baby in the dark.” With great surprise, Kostya's mother noticed that with this red-pink light, the boy fell asleep much faster. Maybe this light reminded him of his mother's womb? Be that as it may, the disgraced night light took a permanent place in Kostya's room.

COUNCIL OF THE DAY ____________________

The sooner you start teaching your baby to fall asleep on his own, the easier it will be for you to do it!

Falling asleep rituals

We have already said that you will make it much easier for your baby to fall asleep if you make sure that his last hour before bedtime passes in a calm, familiar, loving environment. This is the time of transition from the active part of the day to the quiet one, from new impressions to the familiar comfort, from noise and outdoor games to peace and quiet…

The introduction of the so-called ritual of falling asleep will help the child calm down and tune in to sleep - actions that are repeated daily in a certain sequence and develop a kind of conditioned reflex in the baby - an attitude to sleep. The elements of such a ritual can be, for example, bathing, massage, swaddling, putting on pajamas, brushing your teeth, reading a fairy tale, your favorite lullaby, a doll or soft toy “going to bed” with the baby, etc. And, of course, the tenderness of parents and the beloved mother's voice, which will be remembered by the baby all his life!

It probably happened to you that some smell or taste suddenly evoked pictures from your childhood in your memory or some detail in clothes resembled a specific person. Similarly, in children accustomed to a certain evening ritual, a familiar tune or favorite toy in the crib will soon begin to be associated with sleep. And the closeness and love of parents at this time will fill the soul of the baby with confidence that he is desired and loved, and with this confidence it will be much easier for the baby to fall asleep alone.

For children who are used to falling asleep only with the help of various kinds of aids (a bottle, motion sickness, etc.), the introduction of a falling asleep ritual will help to abandon them. A new ritual, as it were, will replace the old habit. and will facilitate the transition to the moment when the baby is alone in her crib.

Sleep rituals are important both for babies and older children, That's why their content must change according to the age and needs of the child.

1. In the first year of a baby's life, the routine part of the ritual (preparation for sleep) is still closely intertwined with parental tenderness, affectionate words and touches. Bathing, swaddling or dressing the baby in the evening, you can stroke him, give him a massage, sing songs, talk about the past and the new day. Remember to do this every day in the same sequence so that the baby knows in advance what will happen next. Only in this case, these actions will become a ritual for the child and a signal to sleep. When laying the baby in the crib, it is necessary to say the same phrase that will become familiar to him, for example: “and now it’s time to sleep to gain strength for a new day” (or some other that will let the baby know that the time has come sleep). Pulling the curtains, turning off the light (turning on the children's nightlight) and a gentle kiss with the words: “Good night, son (daughter)! I love you very much!" - will become final point ritual, after which you must leave the room. And act confidently, because, feeling insecure in your actions or your voice, the baby will definitely try to keep you offended by crying. (We will talk about what to do if the child cries in the section “If the child does not want to go to bed alone (Ferber's method)”).

2. To see if the baby fell asleep, it is very convenient to have such an invention of technology as baby monitor. By turning it on, you can safely move around the house, and not stand on tiptoe under the door, listening to every rustle behind it.

3. For older children, routine bedtime preparation can be reduced to the required minimum, but the cozy part with mom or dad in the children's room should be stretched a little. This is the time when the baby enjoys the undivided attention of his parents - half an hour, belonging to him alone. You can sit your child on your lap, read a book to him or just look at the pictures together, naming out loud what is shown on them. Or maybe you will sing to the baby or tell him a good story. Many people in adulthood remember their mother's fairy tales and lullabies. Or you can quietly turn on the cassette and rock with the child, for example, in a rocking chair. If your baby is used to falling asleep with his favorite toy, you can involve him in the evening ritual. Let the bunny, bear or doll tell the child later that it's time to go to bed, and ask if he will allow them to sleep with him today. Let your imagination run wild in these moments. But remember that all your actions should become a habit for the baby and be repeated every day, even if it seems boring to you. Only in this case, cozy minutes before bedtime will be associated for the child with falling asleep.

4. When choosing an evening ritual, it is very important to determine it in advance. time frame and warn your child about them. If you do not do this, the child will not want to stop and will try to stretch out the pleasant activity with all his might (“one more story, mom, please-a-a-luista ...!”). The easiest way is to draw the line right away and agree with the baby that you will read to him, for example, only one story or only one children's book. You can point to the clock in the room and say that you will read until this hand reaches this number. Even for a kid who does not know the numbers, this will seem obvious and logical (at least for my children this has always been an iron argument). Once you've set your boundaries, stay firm and don't break them even as an exception. Feeling a weakness, the child will try to use it to delay sleep. He will understand: it is enough to whine, and he will get what he wants. You will become impatient, the baby, feeling this, will begin to act up, and the whole ritual will no longer have the desired effect. 5. Final point the ritual for older children is the same as for the little ones (drawn curtains, turned off the lights, a gentle kiss with affectionate words for the night). If you used a clock to determine the time frame, then now is the right time to point the child to them. For example, with the words: "Well, look - the little arrow has already reached the number" seven "", - you remove the books with toys and put the baby in the crib.

All the elements of the ritual given in this chapter are examples only. You can use them or come up with your own unique ones. After all, you know your child better than anyone else - what he loves, what he needs, what calms him.

1. For example, bathing It has a calming effect on most children, but there are those who are aroused by it. In addition, daily contact with water can irritate sensitive baby skin, and the most neutral baby shampoo, if used daily, can cause an allergic reaction in a child. Strong-smelling shampoos are sometimes energizing, but special soothing essential oils can help your baby fall asleep, unless, of course, he is allergic to them.

2. Very fond of kids before going to bed gentle massage. To do this, it is not necessary to go to special courses and learn certain techniques (although this can be useful). Careful, gentle strokes along the entire body of the baby, from head to toe, will surely please him. Rely on your parental intuition, watch the reaction of the baby and - most importantly - put all your tenderness and love into the movement of your hands. You can also use special massage oil. But avoid, as with shampoo, strong-smelling products that can excite the baby, cause allergies or breathing problems.

3. After the massage, put on the baby pajamas. Putting on pajamas is perceived by most children as the first signal for sleep.

4. With the appearance of the first tooth in the baby, it is recommended to make it part of the ritual brushing your teeth. Then the baby will literally grow up with this habit, and brushing his teeth will be a matter of course for him. While teething, the baby's gums are very sensitive, so you can use cotton swabs soaked in water to clean the first teeth. When there is a whole row of teeth, you can move on to a special (small and soft) children's toothbrush.

5. Little kids fall asleep better when the time before bed passes. in a quiet, cozy atmosphere with subdued lighting. Try to speak and sing quietly. A cassette with a fairy tale or music should also not sound loud. If the child has to listen, he will make less noise and toss and turn in the crib.

6. Better if the music will be soothing, and the fairy tale will be kind. Exciting stories can excite the baby, and evil characters can dream of him at night, disturbing his sleep. Many children quickly begin to nod off if a fairy tale is read to them in a monotonous voice. Others follow the course of events with interest and love expressive reading, with a voice that changes (depending on which character these words belong to). It happens that a kid likes a story so much that he asks to read (or tell) it every day. Thus, the child himself helps the parents to choose their evening ritual.

7. For older children, they have a great educational effect. own stories composed by parents, reflecting, for example, the current situation in the family. So, in a naughty little mouse, the baby will be able to recognize himself, and in a caring mother-mouse, his mother. A fairy tale story will help the child look at himself from the outside and sometimes see the home situation in a completely new way. And the ability of kids to draw parallels is truly admirable!

8. Many babies love to fall asleep next to them. favorite toy, a doll or even a folded diaper to which they can press their cheeks. At this moment, your favorite soft toy or doll, as it were, comes to life and becomes a faithful comrade, to whom you can tell your joys and sorrows, whom you can hold tight to yourself so as not to feel lonely. 9. If the baby is afraid of the dark, you can leave the room turned on when leaving the room. night light or stick special stars glowing in the dark on the ceiling of the children's room. One mother even came up with the custom of making special crafts with her child in the evening. traps for fear and put them in front of the door to the nursery. Then no bad dream and no fairy-tale characters will dare to disturb a sleeping baby, right?

9. But my boys really liked to have them for the night scratched the back or made special game massage with rhymes.(Remember: “Rails, rails, sleepers, sleepers, a late train is coming ...”? For those who don’t remember, I brought this game massage in the application). And this habit was preserved among the guys until the very transitional age !!! It was funny to hear in the evening how tired schoolchildren called me from their beds: “Mom, what about the massage?” Or: "Mom, when are you coming to make" rails "?" At an age when boys were already embarrassed to openly show affection towards their mother, evening massage became for them the only acceptable expression of intimacy and tenderness, which they still needed so much.

10. Love the kids too talk or chat before bed with mom or dad.

12. The last minutes before bed are a wonderful chance to be with your child. also for dad who has been at work all day. After all, the baby really needs daddy's affection and care. And the closeness of dad before bedtime will allow the baby to fall asleep in the calm confidence that dad is there, loves him and will protect him all night.

13. You can talk to an older child about the past day recall pleasant events, as well as tell him about plans for tomorrow. Children love it when what is happening around them is clear and predictable. Especially large, important events in a child's life (travels, meetings with other people, holidays, etc.) require that the baby prepare for them, tune in to them. And even if we are talking about ordinary events (for example, going to the store with mom), the child will be calmer and better behave there if you prepare him for this in advance and discuss the rules of behavior (stay next to mom, do not scream not to miss anything without demand, etc.). You can also agree on what will happen if the baby does not follow these rules, just remember to fulfill the promise later, otherwise the child will stop taking your words seriously!

14. A kid who is already 3-4 years old and who has already learned to think can be said that all of his Friends(it would be good to list them by name) have already gone to bed or sleep. Explain that this is the time when all little children go to bed to gain strength for the new day. Remind him that at this time he goes to bed every day and will continue to go to bed. As the American psychologist and pediatrician Allan Fromm emphasizes in his book ABC for Parents, it is important that the child understands the need to go to bed, even if it is contrary to his desire. Understanding that in life you can’t do only what we like will be the first important step on the path to the spiritual maturity of a little man.

15. You can tell your child that you when you were little also went to bed at this time, but now will be nearby to come to the baby if he calls you. And on days when I was especially tired, I sometimes told my daughter that I was going to bed, and asked don't bother me. Usually she calmed down understandingly in her bed and soon fell asleep peacefully.

16. Tell the child something good, what he might be thinking about as he falls asleep, and wish him good night.

17. Agree with the baby that in the morning when he wakes up, he can come to your bedroom and wake you up. For many children, this perspective helps them fall asleep.

18. Sometimes I said to my daughter: “Now I’ll go clean the dishes in the kitchen (or wash in the bathroom, sew up a hole in my trousers, make soup, finish writing a letter.) and then I'll come to you again to say good night. These words calmed my daughter, and when I looked into her room again, she was already quietly snoring in her bed.

19. Older children love to fall asleep. with an open or ajar door to the children's room(unless, of course, they are disturbed by the noise coming from other rooms). As soon as the baby is asleep, the door can be closed. An agreement with the child also works very well: the door remains open, provided that he lies quietly in his crib. Most children do not like to be left behind a closed door, so they try to be quiet and fall asleep faster as a result.

20. Parents often ask if kids can watch TV at night. Certainly, one good cartoon in the evening does not hurt, but only one and only kind. What you see should not excite or frighten the child, which will interfere with his restful sleep. And TV should not be a substitute for parental attention. An evening cartoon can only be the starting point of the ritual, after which the baby begins to get ready for bed. The child must spend the last minutes of the day with loved ones, in harmony and peace.

21. For older guys part of the ritual of falling asleep can be calm play alone in the children's room. We have already said that the older the baby gets, the less sleep he needs and the later he falls asleep in the evening. But parents also need rest in the evening hours. Therefore, a ritual that combines the closeness of parents and the independent play of the child in his room can be a good compromise.

22. For example, you can help your baby get ready for bed (brush his teeth, put on pajamas, etc.) and agree with him that you will come to his room in half an hour or an hour. At this time, the child can (always sounds more attractive than “should”) stay in his room and play quietly. Usually babies agree to this condition with pleasure, if they are allowed to go to bed later. You can also show your child watch and say that mom (or dad) will come to him when this arrow reaches this number. As soon as the time is up, you must definitely fulfill the promise, otherwise the baby will stop believing in you.

23. If, as promised, he spent all the time playing a calm game, then the second part of the ritual, in which the child has the undivided attention of his parents. This is a time of intimacy and tenderness, reading and music, conversation and secrets. This is a time of happiness for you and for your baby. Maybe he will wait for these minutes all day. Try to forget about everything for a while and plunge into the world of children's joy and fantasy. After all, time passes very quickly. Before you have time to look back, your chick will fly away from the nest, and you will regret with pain in your heart that you could not spend more time with him when he was little ...

Alenka fell asleep only when mom or dad were nearby. Previously, this happened quite quickly: one of the parents sat down next to the girl's bed, gently stroked her, and the daughter was asleep in a few minutes. Over time, parents had to sit in the baby's room for longer, sometimes more than an hour. Both mom and dad of the girl worked all day and were very tired by the evening, so sitting for an hour at the crib seemed unbearable to them. Alenka felt the impatience of her parents and the more she fought for their attention, not wanting to fall asleep.

Having heard about the evening ritual, the parents decided to try this opportunity. They told the girl that now she was big and should fall asleep in her bed alone, but that they would spend the last minutes before going to bed with her. Mom or dad put Alenka on her knees in the evening and caressed her. Mom sang to her daughter, dad read her a fairy tale. Both the baby and the parents enjoyed these tender moments from the bottom of their hearts. After 15 minutes, the parents kissed Alenka, said that now it was time to sleep, and put the girl to bed.

On the first day, the baby, seeing how her mother left the room, tried to protest. Then mother returned to her bed, took Alenka by the handle and said: “Sleep, be smart, and tomorrow evening I will sing to you again.” To her surprise, the girl immediately fell silent. These moments of undivided mother's attention were too valuable for her, she loved her mother's gentle voice and affectionate hugs too much ...

At 6 pm, Denis's father was returning from work. Mom fussed, preparing dinner, and cursed that Denis was constantly getting in the way under her feet. Dad talked about problems at work, and his tense-sounding voice inspired the boy with inexplicable anxiety. At dinner, Denis fidgeted in his chair and constantly intervened in the conversation of his parents, which they clearly did not like. Finally, after washing the dishes, the mother turned to the boy: “And now, Deniska, it’s time for the evening ritual!”

"Hooray! Ritual! Ritual!" - the baby shouted joyfully and rushed into the bathroom, pulling off his clothes as he went. He knew what was cominghistime: when mom will speakwith him,readto himand playin his games!"Finally!" the boy rejoiced, enthusiastically pulling on his pajamas...

TIP OF THE DAY ____________________

Even if you haven't had the opportunity to work with your baby all day, you can catch up during the evening ritual. Use these precious moments for intimacy and affection, conversations, secrets and quiet games. It is these happy moments that will remain in the memory of the child for life!

If the child does not want to go to bed alone (Ferber's method)

But now you have introduced a ritual of falling asleep and a clear regimen, picked up a bedtime when the child is really tired, and tried all the other tips given in this book, but your baby still flatly refuses to fall asleep alone (and usually, as a result of this, often wakes up at night).

What to do if your fatigue has reached the limit? What if you no longer have the strength to get up at night? What if you can no longer carry an incredibly tired creature in your arms in the evening, but does not want to go to bed?

In this case you can as the last exit try the method of the American professor Richard Ferber, already mentioned at the beginning of this book. As a doctor at the Boston Children's Clinic, Richard Ferber founded a special center for the study of children's sleep there. Ferber proposes to consistently put the baby in the crib alone, while remaining nearby (for example, in the next room), and if the baby cries, return to him at certain short intervals, comforting him, but not taking him out of the crib. So the baby will very quickly understand that he cannot achieve what he wants by crying, and will learn to fall asleep on his own.

Just don't listen to people you know recommend leaving a screaming baby alone until he falls asleep. To fall asleep, he will fall asleep - what else can he do if his long desperate calls for help remain unanswered! (In the time when our grandparents were young, children used to be put to bed like this, and they slept beautifully all night.) But what happens in a small creature whose cry no one responds to? How does such a baby feel and what conclusions will he draw for himself for the future? He feels lonely, forgotten by everyone and nobody needs him. He will come to terms with this and fall asleep, but the fear of loneliness and self-doubt will most likely remain for life. And if you can’t stand it and after a long cry you still take the baby out of the crib, he will learn another truth: “If you scream long enough, you will eventually get your way.” The kid will try to apply this truth next time.

Therefore, for the successful application of the Ferber method, it is very important do not leave a crying baby alone for a long time. By returning to the nursery at short intervals and lovingly comforting the baby, you will show him that you are there and love him, it's just bedtime, and he should fall asleep alone.

I repeat that the ideal option is, of course, to put the child to sleep without tears. The Ferber method is only recommended if you are unable to do so for some reason and if you really don't have any more power. After all, you know that the state of the parents, especially the mother, is instantly transmitted to the baby. So what is better - to carry it in your arms every day, falling from fatigue, or to endure a child's crying for several days, so that later, resting and getting enough sleep every day, you can happily devote yourself to the child? You decide. For those who want to try the Ferber method, I will try to describe it in more detail.

The following prerequisites are very important for success in using the Ferber method.

1. By the time you start using the method, the child should be over 6 months old and healthy.

2. In the coming weeks trips should not be planned, overnight visits or other drastic changes in the baby's life. Until the new habit becomes permanent, the child should sleep at home in his own crib. Changing environmental conditions during the application of the method can interfere with the success of the enterprise.

3. And here change of place of sleep(for example, from the parents' bedroom to the children's room) just before you begin to follow the method, on the contrary, it can help the baby to acquire a new habit.

4. The baby must be accustomed to a certain regime and fall asleep at the same time. At the moment when you put the baby to bed, he must be tired his “internal clock” should already have switched to sleep.

5. You must be sure in their actions and ready bring started to end.

6. An important prerequisite for the application of this method is unanimous decision of both parents. After all, if mom puts the baby in the crib, and dad takes it out of it after 2 minutes (or vice versa), then, as you understand, there will be no success.

Now in detail about the method as such

Determine in advance at what intervals you will visit the baby to calm him down. Compose precise plan, which you will then follow. The main rule: the first time the waiting time is a couple of minutes, then it gradually increases. When determining time intervals, rely on your intuition and do nothing against the inner voice. The waiting time can vary from 1 minute to half an hour (to me personally, the too long intervals proposed by Ferber seem inappropriate). An approximate guide can be the plan given by Annette

Kast-Zan and Dr. Hartmut Morgenroth in their book Every Child Can Learn to Sleep, which was discussed earlier.

The best way to get started In the evening- at the time when the child usually falls asleep, or a little later. Spend the last minutes before going to bed with your baby, try to give him all your attention and tenderness at this time. Very good if you already have an established evening ritual, to which the child is accustomed and which means for him the transition to sleep.

Give up this time all the "helpers" previously made it easier for the baby to fall asleep (bottle, chest, carrying on hands, motion sickness in a stroller, etc.). All this should take place at least half an hour before bedtime. After the evening ritual, explain to the child that he is already big and must now learn to fall asleep on his own; then kiss him, put him to bed, wish him good night and leave the room. When laying your baby down, say the same phrase every day, for example: "And now, my dear, it's time to sleep." And when you leave the room, you can, for example, say: “Good night! I love you very much!".

Since the baby is not used to falling asleep alone, he is more likely to start crying. In this case, act according to the plan and wait a few minutes before returning to his room. Cast-Zan and Morgenroth's plan starts at 3 minutes, because parents usually can't take it longer the first time. But even 3 minutes can seem incredibly long if you stand outside the door and hear the cry of your beloved baby, so many people prefer to start waiting from 1 minute. Necessarily look at the clock because your own sense of time in these minutes is stretched to incredible.

If the baby is still crying come into the room for a couple of minutes and try soothe him without taking him out of the crib. You can talk to the baby or pet him. Try to speak in a calm, firm voice, because the child will perfectly feel any uncertainty in your actions. It is also very important that the voice sound without irritation and impatience, with love. Repeat again that it is time for bed, that the baby is already big and must learn to fall asleep alone. Tell him that mom is nearby and loves him. (Even if the baby does not yet understand the words, he will feel warmth and love, as well as confidence in your voice.) With these words leave the room again even if the baby is still crying. It is important that your stay in the room does not last too long. In no case Don't give your baby bottles or pick them up.

If he got up in the crib, put it down before leaving the room (but only once).

Some children react to the appearance of their parents with an even more indignant cry. In this case, the stay of the parents in the room may be even shorter. But returning to the room at certain intervals is imperative so that the baby does not feel abandoned.

Leaving the room follow the plan: wait out the time you set, then return to the nursery, repeating the previous steps, and so on until the baby falls asleep. If your presence in the room does not calm the child, then the waiting time can be somewhat stretched.

The next day, do the same, increasing only the number of minutes. according to plan. The maximum waiting time (10 minutes) should not be exceeded. Only visit your child if he is really crying. A whimpering baby often calms down on its own. Therefore, in this case, it is better to wait a bit.

If the waiting periods seem very long to you, Can cut them, starting from 1 minute and not leaving the child alone for longer than 5 minutes. Even in this case, the above method will succeed.

Whatever plan you choose, the important thing is that you are able to carry it out to the end. If you have doubts, choose the softest option. Only if you are confident in what you are doing will your actions give the desired result. The child will feel your confidence and will not resist for a long time. For the same reason, it is not recommended to change the length of timeout periods more than once. Frequent deviations from the plan will introduce uncertainty and unpredictability into your actions. Try to stick to one line. Knowing what to do next will make you feel calmer.

If you are afraid to leave your baby alone(there is an opinion that the fear of separation can have negative consequences for the development and future life of the child), then you can leave the room, talk to your child from behind a closed or ajar door. So he will be sure that you are nearby and have not left him. Repeat that you love your baby, but that it's time to sleep, that he must learn to fall asleep alone in the crib, and tomorrow you will go for a walk with him ... (and further in the same vein).

Well, if this advice seems harsh to you then you can stay in the room until the baby falls asleep. But in this case, act according to the plan, approaching the baby only from time to time to comfort him. Then find the strength to move away and sit, say, on a chair away from the baby's bed, but so that he can see you. Pretend that you are reading or doing something (the light must be dimmed). If the child cries at the same time, then at least you can be sure that he is not crying out of fear, but simply because he does not get what he wants. The main thing is that the baby falls asleep on his own in his crib, without your help, without a bottle or other former “falling asleep helpers”. Of course, in this case, you will need much more patience and time until he starts to fall asleep on his own. And if your presence in the room does not help and the child still cries every day, then it is worth considering whether to go to the usual plan described above (unless, of course, your inner voice does not object).

During the application of the method very important wake up the child in the morning and in the afternoon at a time when he usually woke up earlier. If the baby, having fallen asleep later than usual, has the opportunity to make up for this time later, then the whole regime will be violated, and by the time of laying down the child will not be tired enough. In this case, the method of self-falling asleep will not work.

Mom and Dad can replace each other, putting the baby to bed (but better not on the same night). The one who is more confident in the need to apply the method and who can complete what he started should start.

Why does the Ferber method work?

Accustomed to falling asleep with your help, the baby protests at first, ceasing to receive it. He screams, trying to scream to achieve what he wants. But what is happening? Mom or dad consoles him from time to time, but does not give him what he wants. The little one was terribly tired, because in the morning he was woken up at the usual time. “Is it worth it to shout further,” he thinks, “if it’s no use anyway? I’m just wasting my energy, it’s better to sleep just a little ... ”The need for sleep eventually wins over the old habit that the baby wanted to restore.

As the parent's waiting time gradually increases, the baby realizes that it is also useless to scream longer. By this, he still will not achieve what he wants from his parents.

Falling asleep from fatigue day by day, the child gets used to falling asleep on his own, this is gradually becomes a habit. And the situation that has become familiar ceases to cause anxiety in the baby and replaces the previous unfavorable habit in the subconscious.

When and how often should the Ferber method be used?

1. This method is most effective if applied every time you go to bed, day and evening. But you can choose to start only one time of day When do you think your baby will be able to fall asleep more easily? Some children fall asleep more easily on their own during the day. Many, especially older children, on the contrary, cannot be put to bed at all without the usual “helpers” of falling asleep.

2. If the baby has not fallen asleep after 30 or 45 minutes during the day, in this case Cast-Zan and Morgenroth advise do not put it down at all and try to hold out until the next sleep. In any case, this is better than giving him a bottle in the end or what he is used to. Because then the baby will remember: "You scream for a long time - you will get what you wanted." It makes no sense to continue trying to put the child to bed, otherwise his regimen will shift, and your nerves are unlikely to withstand this test. Although making it to the next bedtime with a tired baby is also not so easy and requires a lot of patience.

3. Well, if the baby fell asleep on the floor during the game, cover it with a blanket and let me sleep for half an hour. What no, and this is the first success - the child fell asleep for the first time without your help.

4. If your baby's daytime sleep is very important to you, and without your help he does not fall asleep during the day, then use the Ferber method at least in the evening. During the day, you use it when you can put up with the lack of "quiet time". The main thing is that the baby, in principle, learns to fall asleep alone, and the time of day at which he will do this can be gradually expanded.

5. For the fastest success of the Ferber method, Kast-Zan and Morgenroth advise to apply it also at night, when the baby wakes up. But, firstly, having learned to fall asleep on his own in the evening, the baby will most likely stop waking up at night on his own (more precisely, waking up at night, he will immediately fall asleep again without your help). Secondly, if the baby wakes up at night, there is a great danger that something hurts him or that he is frightened by a terrible dream. In this case, he must be picked up and comforted. Thirdly, waking up at night, kids usually quickly fall asleep again. If the baby has to cry for a long time, this can disrupt his sleep, and then he will not be able to fall asleep for a long time. And finally, I personally did not have the strength to stand in front of the door of a crying child at night. At night, I calmed my daughter in the usual ways. And having learned to fall asleep on her own in the evening, she simply stopped waking up at night!

6. If your baby falls asleep alone during the day and in the evening, but still cries regularly at night, then it may be advisable to try the Ferber method at night.

7. Try decide in advance at what time you will use this method and what waiting periods you will choose. I repeat that the predictability of further actions will facilitate the task for both you and the child.

What problems might arise?

1. Some children are prone to vomiting and react with it to crying for a long time. If vomit occurs during the application of the method of self-falling asleep, then go immediately to the baby, change his clothes, clean the room, change the bed linen and follow the plan further, as provided. If you remain calm and confident, the child will quickly learn that vomiting does not affect your decision and will learn to fall asleep on his own.

2. If one of the parents is unable to withstand the crying of the child, he can go for a walk or put on headphones with music until the child falls asleep. You can even, to avoid unnecessary quarrels, use this method, for example, while your husband is on a business trip, and then surprise him with the finished results.

3. If baby crib in your room and you want the baby to fall asleep on his own also at night, then you can temporarily move the crib to another room or hang a curtain in front of it.

4. Brothers or sisters in the same room with the baby, they will also significantly complicate the matter, and they will also wake up from the crying of the youngest child. Try moving them to another room for a while.

5. If the baby during the Ferber method get sick then the application of the method must be interrupted. During illness there can be no question of changing habits. When the child gets better, start all over again. This is also possible if the baby has already learned to fall asleep on its own, but due to illness has returned to old habits. You can return to the self-falling sleep plan more than once, and each time the learning effect will appear faster.

When will the first successes be noticeable?

It depends on the temperament of the child, on the energy with which he resists new circumstances and what "lessons" he had to "learn" in his still very short life.

The first days will be in any case a test for both you and the baby. But some babies do not cry for more than 15 minutes and after 2-3 days they fall asleep in the crib on their own. Others cannot calm down at first for an hour or two, and parents have to go into their room ten times or more and say: “I'm here, I love you, but it's time for you to sleep. You are already big and should fall asleep alone in your crib.

However, if you are patient and successively apply the plan you have drawn up, then you can expect the first improvement, and sometimes even a solution to the problem already on the third day. After all, children learn much faster than adults and can quickly adapt to new situations.

Some kids need a little more time. But acquiring a new habit rarely lasts longer than a week and only in some cases longer than two weeks. After your baby has managed to fall asleep on his own ten times in a row, you can consider that the hardest part is over! You can lean back on the sofa and breathe a sigh of relief.

Forget about dirty laundry for a while, leave the iron and mop alone. Give yourself a few minutes - a hot bath, a walk or jog, a delicious dinner, your favorite music. Restore your strength, cheer yourself up, and then any work will take much less time. And looking at a peacefully sleeping baby will fill you with the consciousness that a new era has come, in which there is also a place for your desires and interests!

Ilyusha usually fell asleep in the evening only after feeding and carrying him for a long time. In the early days of Ferber's method, he protested long and loudly. He managed to fall asleep on his own only after an hour and a half of angry protests. But on the fourth day the boy was changed: he fell asleep, whimpering languidly for half an hour. On the fifth day, Ilyusha “agreed” to fall asleep without crying, and only for fifteen minutes muttered something under his breath.

But Polina for a long time could not come to terms with falling asleep without her mother's breasts and cried before falling asleep for almost three weeks. But, after crying, she quickly calmed down: in the first week - after half an hour, in the second - after about 20, and then after only 10 minutes.

Ninochka grew up as a sickly girl, and her mother flatly refused to leave her in the room alone, even for a few minutes. Having put her daughter to bed, mother sat a little further on a chair and from there calmed Ninochka with affectionate words. If the girl cried, then her mother, following the Ferber method, regularly approached her daughter, stroked and kissed her, but did not take her out of the crib. Quickly resigned to the fact that her mother would no longer carry her in her arms in the evening, Nina began to be content with her mother's presence in the room alone, falling asleep in her bed about half an hour later. Every day, mom moved her chair a little further from her daughter's bed and closer to the door. At one fine moment, she was already sitting on a chair in the doorway, and then in the corridor. Ninochka, by that time accustomed to the new situation, no longer looked in her direction, falling asleep on her own after 10 minutes. So mom could now leave the room, leaving the door open.

TIP OF THE DAY ____________________

The time that you used to spend laying down your baby is better spent with him for a cozy evening ritual!

And for a few difficult days that you will need to teach your baby to fall asleep on his own, you will be rewarded with a calm evening and a sound night.

If the child gets out of the crib

It is good if you managed to teach the child to fall asleep on his own while he was small and could not get out of his crib. But what if at the moment when you are reading this book, the sides of the crib have already ceased to be an insurmountable obstacle for the baby? Or if the baby, who used to fall asleep without your help, has learned to sit down and then get up in his crib and is already trying to put his foot on the top bar? Now you can't leave him alone and just walk out of the room. Wanting to follow you, the baby will double his strength and sooner or later "take the barrier."

It is definitely not worth waiting for the outcome of this dangerous enterprise. If you have already lowered the mattress to the lowest position and even a sleeping bag is no longer able to keep the little climber from the first attempts to climb, then it is time to provide the baby with a safer opportunity to “go free”. To prevent falling from a great height, you will have to lower the front side of the crib or remove some of the vertical bars from the crib.

Having the opportunity to get out of the crib without hindrance, the child will be delighted with the new opportunity to discover the world around him. Everything that was previously inaccessible to him will suddenly seem close and interesting, and the baby will not be slow to go on a “exploratory journey”. Do you think he will sleep peacefully now? Is it easy to stay in bed when there are so many new, exciting and, most importantly, recently available things around? And why, waking up at night, not try to climb into a cozy parental bed?

At this tipping point of parenting ingenuity, there is no price to pay. While older kids can somehow be persuaded to stay in bed (for some interesting ideas and tips on how to do this, see the end of the Sleep Rituals section), younger ones will have to be taught with patience and consistency.

1. While the baby is just getting up in the crib, but still cannot get out of it, you can use the Ferber method, laying down baby every time you enter or leave the room (but only once). If the baby, having barely touched the pillow with his head, again plays roly-poly, leave it unnoticed this time and leave the room according to the plan.

2. When the crib ceases to be an obstacle for the baby and he persistently jumps out of the room after you, you can try to install barrier in the doorway of the children's room. Thus, the entire children's room, as it were, becomes a crib. And your goal is for the child to fall asleep there alone, without your help. You can follow the Ferber method by regularly going into the room for a short time to calm the baby and put him to bed. If he gets out of the crib again or continues to cry, you should (Ferber's method) still leave the room for a few minutes according to a pre-arranged plan, giving the child a chance to fall asleep on his own. (Remember that this is only the case when the parents no longer have the strength and all their attempts to act in a different way have not been successful.)

3. It may well happen that the baby in your absence falls asleep from fatigue, but not in his bed, but somewhere on the floor or on the couch. It's okay - take it carefully to the crib and cover it with a blanket. Whatever it was, he fell asleep on his own, without your help. Sooner or later, he himself will understand that falling asleep in a bed is more comfortable than on a cold floor.

4. If you do not have a barrier (or the child has already learned to climb over it), but have a little more patience, try carry the baby back to the crib, until he stays in it voluntarily. However, this method can only work if you are able to maintain inner peace. The kid should feel that falling asleep alone in his room is an important necessity, and not a punishment and not the result of the anger of his parents. Otherwise, the whole "procedure" will turn into a struggle for power. Then it will not succeed, but will only break the trusting and tender relationship between you and the child!!!

5. This method works very well at night, when the baby does not have the strength to re-climb into the parent's bed and it is easier for him to come to terms with the fact that you take him back. Although there are children who, even at night, are distinguished by amazing perseverance. If you are sure that the child came to you at night not because of fear or pain, but simply out of habit, then you can achieve the desired result by taking him to the crib with the necessary regularity and consistency. I highly recommend doing this not wordlessly, but first explaining to the baby that your bed is too narrow and there is not enough space for everyone in it, that otherwise everyone will be tired and sleepy in the morning and that you are happy to wait for the morning when you can squeeze and caress your baby again. Of course, you do not need to read sermons to your child every time. Next time it will be enough to remind him: "You know that there is no place for all of us in the bed."

6. After the baby coped with the task and fell asleep in his room on his own, you should definitely praise him. He will be proud of himself and more willingly agree to repeat this experience the next day. Incentives and gifts, on the contrary, are not suitable in this case. The child must realize that this is a matter of necessity, something normal and taken for granted, and not a favor on his part that requires a reward. Otherwise, your little cunning will quickly turn sleeping in his crib into a “source of income”, each time blackmailing you and demanding more and more rewards.

7. Well, what if the baby persistently leaves the room, as soon as you put him to bed, and you have neither a barrier, nor the patience and strength to carry him back twenty times? In this case, Professor Ferber recommends open or closed door method to the children's room.

8. The fact is that any child will be more willing to stay in a room alone if he does not feel cut off from the outside world by a closed door. The voices of parents or household noise in the next room soothe and lull, fill with confidence and drive away fears. An open or ajar door is, as it were, a bridge to relatives, who, if necessary, are at hand. This bridge is open for the baby if he stays in his crib, and closed if he gets out of it. Thus, The child is in control of the situation. Whether the door is open or closed depends on him alone. Of course, this causal relationship must be clear to the child, therefore, to apply this method, the child must be at least 2 years old and have no problems in language development. (Besides, this method is certainly not suitable for children suffering from nightmares, pain, or a painful fear of parting with their parents.)

9. When putting your baby to bed, repeat to him that it's time to fall asleep on his own in his crib. Say that if he lies quietly, the door will remain open, and if he gets out of it, you will close the door. Try to speak calmly and confidently. The child should not think that this is a punishment, but should not doubt your determination. The tone of your words plays a decisive role in the success of the enterprise.

10. Leaving the room, leave the door open or ajar. (You can ask your baby what he likes best. He'll be happy that his opinion matters to you.) close." Closing the door don't lock it up! Wait a couple of minutes before returning to the nursery (even if the baby has already returned to the crib). With a crying baby, you can talk through the door or say something when you open it again.

11. The waiting time at the door should not be too long. Sometimes just one minute is enough to convince the baby of your determination. If, when you return, he is already in his bed, then you can praise and caress him. In this case, the door to his room will remain open. If he got out again, take him back and repeat your previous steps, and so on until the child remains in bed. In this case, the waiting time can be gradually increased from one to several minutes. Every time you leave the room, repeat that the door will remain open if the baby lies quietly in his crib, that is, everything depends on him.

If you act confidently and consistently, the solution to the problem will not take more than a few days. And you, having discovered that your beloved creature is calmly dozing in his bed, exclaim: “Well, wow, finally I had free time in the evening!”

Every night Petenka suddenly found himself in his parents' bed, between mom and dad. When dad, who regularly woke up at the very edge of the bed, tried to explain to Petenka that there was not enough space for all three of them in the bed, the boy said: “Then I will sleep with my mother, and you can sleep in my bed.” "But I won't fit in your bed!" Father tried to resist. “So, curl up,” the child answered without batting an eyelid. Dad did not have the strength for further nightly discussions, and, tucking a blanket and pillow under his arm, he lay down on the sofa in Petenka's room.

This went on for a whole week, until my father's patience snapped and he declared in a decisive voice: “That's enough! From now on you sleep in your bed! You can only come to us in the morning when my mother and I wake up.” Petenka did not want to agree with the new rule. But dad was full of determination and every time he heard the steps of Petenki's bare feet, he carried him back to the children's room. After 4 days the boy gave up. In the morning, tiptoeing to his parents' bed, he asked: "Are you awake? Can I go to bed with you?"

Four-year-old Nadya is not used to falling asleep in her crib. She liked the big, comfortable bed of her parents much more. Mom let her daughter fall asleep there, and then carried her to the crib. But recently the girl began to wake up at the same time and with a loud cry resisted the "move". Then my mother agreed with Nadya that if she falls asleep three times in a row and sleeps all night in her bed, then she will buy her daughter a new doll. For three nights in a row, Nadyushina's parents slept peacefully, and the girl received her gift. In the evening, Nadia announced in a joyful voice: “Well, I received the doll, now I can sleep with you again!”

Children obey more readily if they have a choice. By explaining to them what consequences this or that decision will have for them, you will thereby push them to the right choice. After all, it is much better to stay in a crib with the door to the children's room open than to get out of it, being cut off from the outside world by a closed door ...

Time-out

A baby stubbornly getting out of the crib tries to measure his strength with his parents at an early age. Therefore, the door to the children's room closed for a short time can become for him one of the first boundaries, very important in children's upbringing. The border means: “Stop! You can't go any further!" To learn to live in a society of people, the child must know that there are boundaries of permissible behavior.

A barrier, a door, or simply being separated from the baby in space best symbolizes the concept of a boundary that should not be crossed. This applies, of course, not only to going to bed, but also to the behavior of the child during the day. That's why when the child does something inappropriate(beats a younger brother or sister, throws food, throws himself on the floor in a fit of anger, etc.), psychologists advise using a method called "time-out".

It is useless to explain something to the child in this situation. Raising your voice, shouting, threatening, or even more so hitting a baby is also not an option. Maybe you will achieve temporary success, but the child will become embittered, close in on himself. An aggressive mood, hidden for a long time inside oneself, often takes unexpected forms in the future, and the parents of a teenager are suddenly surprised: “What happened to him? Always been so quiet…” Or, on the contrary, the child comes to terms with what is happening, adjusts to those around him, a feeling of apathy and indifference to the world around him develops in his soul.

Ignoring the baby in such a situation will also not bring the desired success. He will think he doesn't care about you and will likely escalate his illicit behavior further to get your attention. Children prefer any, even negative attention in the form of parents' anger to indifference on their part.

What remains? A time-out method that shows the child that he has crossed the line of acceptable behavior, but that he is not indifferent to his parents and loved by them. To do this, noticing the behavior of the baby, say loudly: “Stop!” Put the child on a chair in another corner of the room with the words: “This cannot be done. Now you have to sit alone." If he gets off the chair, take him to the next room or to the nursery. For small children, a barrier is enough; for older children, it is necessary to close the door.

Try not to shout, but act decisively. The child must understand that it is not a punishment, but a logical consequence of his own behavior. And what in his power to change the situation. To do this, it is enough to stop unwanted behavior. Therefore, the timeout should not be long. As with the open or closed door method, it should not exceed a few minutes. Then you open the door or approach the barrier and make the "peace proposal" to the child. You may ask: “Did you understand that you can’t do this?”. Or, "Won't you do that again?" And then: "Are we friends again?".

Usually children quickly calm down and behave well, the prospect of being left alone behind a closed door is too unattractive. But it may happen that your actions only inflamed the anger of the child, he knocks on the door, kicks it, etc. In this case, you should wait until he calms down and the aggressive behavior turns into plaintive crying. Then you can repeat the offer of peace and comfort the baby. If he again behaves aggressively when you appear, then the timeout must be repeated by closing the door again for a few minutes. Only when the child has calmed down and agreed to cooperate with you, he can leave his room. It is important that the baby understands that the choice is his and that by changing his behavior at any moment he can end an unpleasant situation for him.

Some children do not like to be taken to a corner or another room and prefer to go there on their own. If the child really goes where you told him and stays there for a while, great. This is the first sign that he is aware of the inadmissibility of his behavior. (My daughter, for example, went to her room herself at my request and returned a few minutes later with a broad smile, as if nothing had happened. True, the need for such a measure happened quite rarely with us.) If the child, promising to go to room, tried to deceive you and, as soon as you released him, hid, then do not repeat this mistake again.

It is very important that the timeout succeeds the first time. Subsequently, it may be enough to remind the baby about this or ask if he wants to take a walk to his room so that the child voluntarily stops “debauchery”.

Ksyushina's mother did not want to leave the girl alone in the children's room, especially since the nursery was at the very end of the corridor, and her mother could not hear what her daughter was doing there. One day, mother was folding dried linen, and Ksyusha interfered with her in every possible way: she climbed onto the sofa, screamed, scattered the already folded linen, tried to pull off the coverlet ... Suddenly, mother picked up the girl in her arms and carried her to the other end of the room. Having put Ksyusha on a small oval rug, her mother declared in an absolutely serious and even slightly angry voice: “This rug is your room. And you won't get out of it until you calm down!" Ksyusha opened her eyes in surprise and fell silent. For about five minutes she looked puzzled at the pattern on the rug and then timidly called: “Ma-a-am! I have already calmed down. May I leave the room?"

TIP OF THE DAY ____________________

Whatever symbol of the border you choose, the main thing is that the child knows that it is impossible to continue. Borders are needed not only by parents so that children “do not sit on their heads”, but also, first of all, by the kids themselves, in order to navigate the world around them. Boundaries drawn by parents with love and strictness give children a sense of confidence and security!

The personality of the educator

And I would like to end this chapter with a small lyrical digression about us - parents, educators, teachers ... For a long time I tried to understand why, after all, some parents have children obey, while others do not, some teachers cope with students, while others do not. I asked my then 14-year-old son what he thought a good teacher had that others didn't. “You know, mom,” he replied, “a good teacher doesn’t scream… (the son pondered)… Well, then. how to explain to you. he is just a great person. His manner of looking, speaking, smiling - everything is conducive to himself. That is, my dears, after all most of all in the upbringing of children depends not on the skills and techniques, but on the personality of the educator!

Once again we come to the conclusion: love yourself, work on yourself, put your life in order, and your children will be calm, happy and obedient!

Good sleep is one of the most important conditions for the normal development of the child. That is why it is necessary to pay due attention to the problems associated with children's sleep. One of these problems is the inability or unwillingness of the baby to fall asleep without the help of mom and dad. This issue can affect both the parents of an infant and the parents of an older child. How to teach a child to fall asleep on his own without tears and tantrums?

Can a baby fall asleep on its own?

Most of those who have become parents quite recently do not even think about their baby falling asleep on its own. In almost every family, entire rituals are created to help put the child to sleep. But experts say that even a baby who has not reached the age of one is able to independently fit into daytime and nighttime sleep, if he is taught this in time. Exceptions apply only to a newborn child: children under 4 weeks still need their mother too much, because they have not yet adapted to the world around them. It is impossible to teach such babies something, but mom and dad are quite capable of helping their baby fall asleep faster and easier. For this you can use:

• swaddling. It is much more common for a newborn to feel somewhat cramped: this allows him to feel as if he is still in his mother's belly. Proper swaddling helps the baby fall asleep in warmth and comfort;
• calm music, mother's singing or other sounds that are pleasant for the baby. You can turn on slow classical music for the baby (including specially adapted for newborns) or sing lullabies quietly. Gentle melodies and mother's voice always have a calming effect on the baby. By "other sounds" is meant the so-called white noise. It can be the sound of a waterfall, flowing water, the hiss of a radio wave;
• gentle pats. If the mother hugs the baby to her and lightly pats him on the back or pope, the child will fall asleep faster. Light rhythmic movements soothe babies.

While the baby is still very small, the use of motion sickness is quite acceptable. For this, a stroller, a special children's deck chair, a car seat and, of course, mother's hands can be used. But before you put your newborn down this way, try letting him fall asleep on his own. If he does not need motion sickness and is quite capable of falling asleep without screaming and crying, after lying down for a while in the crib, this is just wonderful. It is possible that in the future he will fall asleep on his own. If motion sickness is the main method that allows you to put the baby to sleep, then it is necessary to abandon them already when the baby is 2 months old. The older the child, the more difficult it is to teach him to fall asleep without prolonged rocking in the stroller or in his arms.

For children 2-4 months old, the rules change somewhat. You can still use swaddling and lullabies if it helps your baby fall asleep on his own. The child will fall asleep faster if he is slightly tired: for this, he must be awake for at least an hour and a half before going to bed at night. It is possible and necessary to bathe the baby at this time, this contributes to better falling asleep and a stronger and more peaceful night's rest. Babies under one year old have a strong sucking reflex, so a pacifier can be used within reasonable limits. The pacifier helps the child to calm down and fall asleep faster - provided that the baby is dry and full. If the baby lies in the crib and tosses and turns, but does not cry, do not rush to take him in your arms. Stay close, but don't talk or play with him. If the baby knows that the mother is nearby, he will feel safe and eventually calmly go to sleep.

How to teach a child to sleep at 1 year old

It is already much more difficult to teach a one-year-old child to fall asleep on his own than a baby. This is partly due to the fact that at this age the baby often has a crisis of 1 year, one of the manifestations of which is the urgent need for the constant presence of the mother. A one-year-old baby perceives himself and his mother as a whole and simply cannot imagine that she will disappear somewhere. When the mother leaves the room, it seems to him that she will never return. On the other hand, children at the age of 1 year are already quite successful in manipulating their parents and forcing them to obey their rules. Therefore, in order to avoid tears and screams, many mothers and fathers prefer to put the child to sleep for hours, instead of teaching him to fall asleep on his own. But this can continue indefinitely, and the child will only strengthen in his habit. Therefore, it is necessary to wean him from this method of falling asleep as early as possible.

To teach a baby to fall asleep on his own, you must first prepare him, otherwise you can meet very sharp resistance on his part. To do this, you must adhere to several important rules:

• adhere to the daily routine as much as possible. Many children at the age of one are already quite capable of eating, walking and sleeping according to a certain schedule. Their small body quickly gets used to this way of life, so it is much easier for these children to tune in to a night's sleep than for those who go to bed at different times all the time;
• calmly explain to the baby why he should fall asleep on his own and in his crib. Tell him that he is already big, brave and knows how to do everything on his own. Of course, this does not work immediately and not always, but this point should not be neglected;
• Develop your own bedtime ritual. This happens differently in every family. For example, a child bathed, put on pajamas, listened to a fairy tale, kissed his mother, and then fell asleep peacefully. If you come to this particular order of actions, follow it always. This helps the baby to tune in the right way. Soon he will begin to understand that all these procedures are related to preparing for sleep;
• give the child a "protector". This means that he can sleep with his favorite toy. Explain that she "protects" his sleep and is always there. So he will fall asleep more calmly and wake up much more pleasantly.

Once you notice that all of these rules are being followed regularly, move on to the next step. Teach him to fall asleep on his own in his own crib.

To do this, give up motion sickness, lullabies, stroking, patting and other methods that you actively used before. You just put the baby in his bed, say good night, turn on the nightlight and leave the room. Almost all children at this moment begin to cry and call for their mother. Wait a few minutes and enter the room to let the child know that the mother has not disappeared, is always nearby and can come at any moment. Put the baby down again and tell him it's time for bed. Speak calmly and confidently. Then leave again. Gradually, the time after which you will return to the room should be increased. Soon the baby will understand that the mother will not disappear anywhere, will stop being afraid and crying and will begin to fall asleep on her own.

This is a slightly relaxed Estiville method. Unchanged, it's pretty hard training, but promises that a baby can be taught to fall asleep on its own in as little as 7 days. For many parents, the Esteville method is unacceptable, as it seems to them that the child is under severe stress, and this can adversely affect his nervous system. In fact, there is no evidence that such a technique does any harm to the baby. The only problem is that most parents cannot bear the tears of the child associated with the refusal to fall asleep on their own. Each parent has the right to decide for himself whether this method is suitable for him.

How to teach a child 2-3 years old

All recommendations that relate to falling asleep on their own at the age of 1 year are also applicable to children 2-3 years old. Often at this age, the baby is “resettled” not only in his own bed, but also in a separate room. It should be comfortable and like the baby. Don't forget your bedtime rituals. For children at 2-3 years old, this is still relevant, and sometimes even more important than for one-year-old babies.

Do not allow the child to fall asleep in his own bed in order to later transfer him to the nursery. From the very beginning, teach him to lay down for a night's sleep in his own bed. You can and should turn on the baby's night light and give him his favorite toy with you to the crib. Determine the time you will spend with him before bed and be sure to let him know about it. For example: "Now we will read this fairy tale, and after that we will sleep." Keep your promise. After reading a fairy tale, wish the child good night and leave the room.

Often at this age, children already have obsessive fears that prevent them from falling asleep alone. If this applies to your child, don't ignore it. Listen carefully and try to allay his fears. If he is afraid of "monsters" living in the closet or under the bed, be sure to take his hand and show that no one is there. Tell your child the story that toys are their best protectors and remind them that mom and dad are there too and are always ready to help.

Be patient when teaching your child to fall asleep on their own. Don't yell or get mad at him if he can't do it yet. Success depends only on your actions. Confidence, calmness, patience, supported by boundless parental love - these are the conditions for achieving the desired result.