The heavy burden of mother's love. How to raise love for mother in a child

A mother's love for a child is a natural process, laid down by instincts. Without the love of his mother, a child cannot become healthy, happy, harmonious. But sometimes, under certain circumstances, love takes on an exaggerated character and does not help, but harms the baby. In what cases and how exactly does this happen? Let's go in order.

First, about how love, even if excessive, can generally cause harm. When parents, and especially a mother, dote on a child, she makes a number of serious mistakes that inevitably harm the baby:

1. Everything for the child. And the best. Even if there is little money and the husband does not have boots for the winter, the child still buys a bicycle. He wanted it so bad! Or when you buy delicious ones chocolate candies, and everything is given to the child. Mom and Dad don't want it, eat it yourself, it's for you. Common situation? Are you surprised that you can't do this? Consequences - an absolute egoist grows up, who is indifferent to the wishes and needs of his parents.

2. Impossibility to refuse. When a mother's love for a child becomes unhealthy, the mother simply cannot refuse the baby. After all, he is asking her for something! This is important to him! He wants it! It seems to the mother that if she refuses the child, he will be disappointed in her love and will feel rejected and needed. Therefore, he can do anything. Would you like chocolates instead of soup? Please. Another toy? Easily. Stay up until midnight? Can.

3. . With excessive love, fear becomes excessive. The mother wants to protect the baby from everyone possible dangers, it always seems to her that something bad is bound to happen to her child. When he climbed onto the horizontal bar, the mother already imagines a fall with tears and a damaged knee; when the child eats ice cream, she mentally treats his sore throat. And so on. What's bad about it? And the fact that a mother’s thoughts have enormous power, with them she can both help and harm the baby. Everything she thinks about, much less fears, is attracted to the child.

4. All attention to the children. The mother spends all her time with the child or for the child. That is, he plays with him, reads books to him, puts him to bed, sings lullabies, walks on the street, takes him to all kinds of clubs, sculpts together from plasticine. And in free time(when the baby is sleeping) she does something for him. He cooks a pie or does his laundry. It would seem, what's wrong with this? Nothing if you do everything in moderation. But when all the attention is only to the child, this can lead to divorce. After all, a woman is not only a mother, she is also a wife. And her husband also needs her love and attention. And, besides being a wife, she is also a Woman. A woman who needs to remember to take care of herself and devote time to her little joys. Otherwise, it is very easy to dissolve completely in the child.

When does a mother's love for her child become excessive and unhealthy? As a rule, in two cases.

• If the child is very long-awaited. A woman couldn’t get pregnant for 20 years, but then a miracle happened.
• And if a woman was not loved at all in childhood. But she wants a completely different fate for her child. But there is no sense of proportion.

In both cases, the consequences of such excessive love will be sad, so if you suddenly recognize yourself in your mother’s description, then do everything to correct the situation.

Much has been said about love, but it is never a bad idea to remember how it is born, what it stands for, why it exists.

In love and only through it a person becomes a person. Without it, everyone is an inferior being, deprived of true life and depth, incapable of creating beauty, living and creating fully, as well as understanding both themselves and others. Love is a unique and almost the only means to know another person in his deepest essence, to discern in him the “ray of God,” a high creation with the best features, lofty dreams, hopes, plans. Only love can help a person believe in his true self.

Love is a special form of creativity and at the same time it is a stimulus for creativity in its various manifestations, it is an expression of the depth of personality and its freedom, which is expressed even in submitting to the will of the one you love. But this submission is nothing more than trust in a loved one, faith in his sincere feelings, an act of complete spiritual union. Love is a high art that requires constant self-improvement, self-denial, and readiness for action from the artist; it is a melody that cannot be false, but reflects the subtlest corners of the soul. Moreover, love is not just a given or a happy accident: it should be cognized by delving into its healing inexhaustible sources, and renewed again and again.

It moves the walls that separate one person from another, merging into one whole, uniting those who love, but at the same time preserving the integrity of each individual person, without destroying its originality, originality, immeasurability, without reducing love for other people, the world, life. Each feels his worth through the other, because of his love. The pinnacle of the power of love is the ability not to take, but to give, give, give, which amazingly contributes to enrichment, because a person necessarily receives. A lover has an extraordinary ability to notice the slightest movements of love in another, and he perceives these signs as a priceless Gift for his love. Therefore, he receives something in which anyone else would not see the slightest hint of love, attention, tenderness, respect. Only in love is a person able to truly feel the meaning of his earthly existence as an existence for another, helps to overcome loneliness and hopelessness, bringing a person twice as much joy, happiness, inspiration, because all this is distributed and multiplied by two.

Love is a sound in unison, it is a consonance, some similarity between people, their ideas about the world and special connections with it. "We are so similar!". Or “We seem to think” - they often say loving friend friend people. And these are not just words based on temporary feelings of their false kinship and unity. Unconditional love and attachment M. Prishvin called “essential relationships”, and what unites people - “essential connections”. Parents, native places, parents' house are perceived by people “as their own”, relatives, integral from own life. The basis of these relationships is the inherent need for affection, belonging, and love. Essential connections are incomprehensible golden threads, thin and light, but they cannot be broken or cut. But they can dissolve, disappear from dislike, betrayal, lies. Essential connections are true, unshakable, dear. For such a feeling, lovers are ready to risk their own lives.

As in any relationship, the love of a mother for her child is a deeply intimate thing. But, unfortunately and with great grief, we do not always remember this. Or we never remember at all. Here, dear ladies, answer: if your husband has troubles at work, then who do you blame? That's right, a fool boss, careerist colleagues, and so on. Well, or you are an angel, and you don’t blame anyone at all.

Mother's love and school

Now, pay attention! Your son is having trouble at school. He got a bad mark, got into a fight with Petka, and asked Anechka a question that, you know, was not appropriate for her age. Who is guilty? No questions even arise - he is! Your beloved son! And you don’t want to hear anything about how this Anechka answered the question (only she won’t admit it to her mother), this Petka has been quietly teasing everyone for a long time, and now he’s started saying nasty things that can’t be tolerated (but the teacher didn’t hear it )… And twos, too, you know, are different! But there is one scary phrase: “You’re embarrassing me again!”

And our bloodline turns out to be between two fires: on the one hand, the school is pressing, and on the other, the family supports it. Where to go in this case? Well, if there are two parents, then there is a possibility that “when mom was covered, dad was already released.” But, firstly, this is not a fact. And secondly, not everyone has a complete set of parents...

What happened? Just someone outsider in this case— the school has interfered in your relationship with your child. And you allowed this relationship to become worse. Your love is no longer unconditional! Come to your senses, this is your child! Read the previous paragraph - what did he do that was so terrible?

Mother's love and failure to meet expectations

Why did I start all this? Our summer plans have gone a little wrong. I feel like, oh, it’s a waste of time that my baby is sitting in the city, walking along the “refrigerator-TV-computer” route. Summer is passing!

I called my friends and a very old acquaintance, a sports tourism coach, suggested: let me take your baby to training camp! Sun, air, water, traffic fresh air. Let him try, if he wants, he’ll come and study in the fall.

I tried it. It turned out to be quite difficult. There is no endurance, no habit of joyfully enduring difficulties, no mobilizing the will. Yes, a lot of things are missing, and I knew this very well before... But now it’s night. And I can’t sleep after talking on the phone with a coach friend... She just had the opportunity to talk calmly, and she called me to discuss the situation at the training camp and the prospects. Nothing new! But in a conversation with her, I began to look for an excuse for my son’s behavior; and then - rightly so, I became very dissatisfied with him.

Although, tell me, why do I need this, why is it so important for me that he does this? sports tourism? And all because this is my friend, she and I once went hiking together. And I would really like my son to “continue my work”, “meet my expectations”...

Mother's love is loving the child as he is.

I have a wonderful child. He is kind and nice, and he will definitely acquire the qualities that are still missing in his character. Maybe not today and not tomorrow, and not even in a year. But everything will be fine if now I manage to love him for who he is. Don’t let anyone wedge between us, break the little world that the two of us are building with such difficulty after the loss of our dad.

This, of course, does not mean that I am going to give up on everything and lock myself in a golden tower with my precious boy. No! Only

analyze actions, not the child;

do not side with the attacker against the child;

and don’t forget to say and show him: you are dear to me the way you are. I need you anyway!

Still, the love of a mother (and father, if there is one) for a child is the most important thing in upbringing.

Watch an interesting and useful cartoon by students from France.

The article was written with the participation of the site administrator http://detionlain.ru

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What is childhood love?

Of course, the most sincere and strong love a child is the love he feels for his mother.

She is born at the beginning of childhood, when he understands that his mother is always there and does everything to the baby was comfortable.

When a baby sees the joy he brings to his parents, he encounters the first manifestations of love towards himself. It happens that children play on the feelings of their parents, telling their parents that they do not love them.

But this has absolutely no serious basis. One can say about children's love that it is unpredictable. Yesterday my mother bought a toy, which means I love it.

And today I forbade you to eat candy - it means I don’t like it. Children's love is not yet love in full, but an expression of their affection and need for your presence.

How does it manifest itself?

A child's love for his mother is manifested in the fact that he always reaches out to her, is ready to kiss and hug her at any moment. In more younger age the child constantly looks at his mother, he smiles at her and holds out his arms.

And as he gets older, he is ready to feel sorry for his mother if he sees that she is not feeling well. The child constantly needs his mother and wants her to always be nearby.

If a child feels guilty, he tries to please mom and dad in order to earn their good attitude again.

A baby can be annoying if he wants to attract attention, but this attention is not given to him for a long time. Children often show their affection in creative ways, for example, in drawings in which they depict themselves and their mother.

At the age of three, love can be expressed in a jealous attitude. Jealousy can be identified by such actions as:

1. Whims and unreasonable desires that actually serve to attract mom's attention.
2. The child may express dissatisfaction with his mother that she does not love him as much as someone else, for example, a brother, sister or dad.
3. May show aggression towards the one to whom the mother pays attention so that it belongs only to him.
4. The child may withdraw into himself or act contrary to the words of his parents.
5. Inappropriate and negative reaction to praise from another child or adult.

Often mothers are pleased with this behavior, as they are pleased with the child’s love. And with their reaction they reinforce the child to continue to act according to this scheme.

It is highly undesirable to encourage such behavior, because it leads to a distorted idea of ​​love in the future.

It is better to tell the child that he is just as important to his mother as his brother, sister or father, that there is enough room in her heart for all of them and that he should not worry about losing his mother’s love.

When a mother decides not to follow the child’s lead, but to explain reality to him as rationally as possible, she prepares him for an adequate perception of the feeling of love in the future.

It is important not to reject the child’s feelings so that he does not feel lonely and orphaned, but to understand, listen and assure that his mother will always be there.

What psychologists say

IN early age a child can only accept parental love and care. Over time, children begin to understand that it is also necessary to give their feelings to another person.

Children's love for parents is a manifestation of the first sincere positive feelings. And these are rather the beginnings true love, not love itself.

This is affection and the understanding that parents are ready to do anything to make the baby feel safe and happy. But how much will a child learn to love himself, take care of another person and build harmonious relationships, depends on how the parents behave.

They are the main example for the child. Looking at their parents, the child learns to build his relationships with the world and people around him.

The child must be taught the correct understanding of love and relationships with people. You need to teach your child to cooperate and make it clear that his feelings and demands are just as important as the feelings of other people.

If this is not explained in time, the child may never experience true love and may remain selfish for the rest of his life.

Child's love for mother

For a child, a mother is the most important part of his life, so she must show her love to the child and teach him to love. The child’s first steps into the world of adult feelings begin with love for his mother.

Love is always mutual and sincere interest to each other, this is the desire to give this person the best and experience the joy of being able to show care to a loved one.

Children begin to truly love their parents when they are truly interested in them. When they don’t consider another children’s idea stupid, but support and play along with it.

When they are sincerely interested in their feelings and help if this help is required. When parents support any, even the craziest ideas of a child, he grows up happy, successful and creative.

Put aside your non-urgent matters so that you can devote at least an hour to your child completely in the evening. Listen to your children, look for the best in them, and then they will grow up to be people who know how to show real feelings and love.

Video: childhood love

Parents' love is limitless. There is probably nothing that loving mom I wouldn't do it with my dad for my baby. However, sometimes this love is deceptive, and instead of benefiting the child, it can harm the child. So why can excessive parental attachment to children become dangerous? In particular, the all-consuming mother's love for child - let's talk about it.

Psychologists say that in normal family Horizontal connections must be stronger than vertical connections. In other words, the wife's attachment to her husband should be stronger than the mother's attachment to the child. Many may begin to argue with this because the child is weaker, smaller, and needs the mother more.

And, nevertheless, a woman should be more attached to a man, and not to a baby. Exactly attached, because it is very difficult to determine who you love more. That is, if necessary, it should be easier for a woman to remain without a child, no matter how monstrous it may sound.

Although there is nothing monstrous about this. My husband showed up before the child, and he will remain when the child grows up and goes to his family. Therefore, separation from the child is predictable. One must always remember it, no matter how small it may be.

What happens in families where the correct balance of connections is disrupted? What danger lies in the limitless l mother's love for child? In particular, mothers to their child? The mother focuses on the child and forgets about her husband. He begins to feel unnecessary, since he has fulfilled his purpose - he played a role in conception. And then that’s it, the woman has her favorite toy.

The man can leave. Which happens very often. Many people mistake this for jealousy of an adult towards a child, but this is not so. In fact, by focusing on the child, a woman destroys the horizontal connection. The man breaks away from her and... leaves. Everything is natural. Why stay where nothing holds you?

What problems might a child encounter?

Since there is now no one to direct that part of the feelings that were intended for the husband, the woman directs them to the child. He, in response, directs feelings towards mom that were previously intended for dad. The vertical connection becomes even more dense due to the remnants of the broken connection with the man.

In the future, it is incredibly difficult to break such a tight connection. This only needs to be done over time. Children grow up and need to live their own lives. And if from ordinary family Children leave relatively easily, but leaving a family with a strong vertical connection is much more difficult.

Firstly, because mom (or dad) for a long time was the only one significant person for a child.

Secondly, the child was the only meaning of the parent’s life, and with his departure, life seems over.

Thirdly, no one can love as much as mom or dad, so no one will be as comfortable with anyone.

Fourthly, a feeling of guilt arises due to the fact that the parent is left alone (sometimes the parents themselves quite deliberately play on the guilt of their children). All this together leads to the fact that the child simply does not dare to leave. The mother is happy, and the child seems to be too.

Only after some time does the mother leave the child - age takes its toll, and no one is eternal. As a result, the child is left alone, and at an age when it is already too late to start a family and have children.

This, of course, is far from the worst-case scenario, if mother's love for child knows no boundaries... In life, everything can turn out much worse. However, whenever, out of love for a child, a mother or father jeopardizes own family, they jeopardize its creation in the baby in the future.