The seventh lesson is the seventh law. Let your man know that you don't intend to wait until the last moment for a date.

It often happens that he postpones dates, saying that unforeseen circumstances have suddenly arisen. How to understand guys whose behavioral psychology sometimes defies any explanation - the article contains all the information.

Sometimes a time comes when a girl feels that something is happening with her boyfriend. And sometimes, in order to avoid bitter experiences and suffering, you need to carefully study the behavior of a young person.

And it is especially necessary to pay special attention to, at first glance, unremarkable and unnoticeable little things that led to an incomprehensible act and a change in his character. It often happens that he postpones dates, justifying this by the fact that suddenly he has become a hostage to unforeseen circumstances, problems at work or a banal traffic jam.

According to psychologists, in most cases, young people are simply not able to plan their daily schedule correctly, which is why they are late for a date. In this case, the girl should not wait for hours at the appointed place, but needs to take care of herself and her own affairs.

When a guy confidently conducts conversations on women's topics, gives advice on how to take care of himself, what makeup to use and where to get a pedicure, in this case, psychologists advise listening to his constant reproaches as this may be one of the reasons that he does not show up or is late for meetings. He probably thinks that the girl is not attractive enough for him.

At such a moment, the girl must remember that she should not get into an altercation with the boy. Such straightforward behavior of his should not be perceived as serious reproaches and taken to heart.

When a young man postpones a date, he does not consider himself an optional person. Psychologists explain this behavior as nothing other than the male ego. The thought that his deeds and excuses are not as important as his relationship with his loved one cannot creep into his head.

But if he finds himself in the complete opposite situation, he will probably flare up and demand detailed explanations. He believes that if a girl has given her word, she must keep it, and that he does not equate the most interesting thing with this criterion.

Psychologists consider male instability to be one of the problems of the stronger half of humanity. This is why a man can make an appointment for the evening, and then literally reschedule it for the next day in just half an hour. In this case, where can a girl get into a good mood? And what’s most interesting is that he believes that you are obliged to tolerate his antics, since he is a man. This is where the girl should think about whether she needs this egoist.

Sometimes the following situation happens when a guy shows some level of interest in a girl, but then begins to be picky and postpone the date, finding various reasons. There is some kind of resentment in his behavior, he withdraws in communication, which leads to his desire to dominate in his relationship with the girl.

In this case, the first thing that creeps into the girl’s head is to get very angry, yell at him and throw out all her emotions on him. It is in this case that psychologists believe that a girl should not restrain herself and try to try on the situation, nothing will change anyway, this is the psychology of guys, but to promote this state of his.

You shouldn’t shout, you need to tell him what she thinks without hysteria, in a loud monotonous voice, and stop communicating with him for some period. Thanks to this, even if it happened after the first date, even after a month of dating, the guy will probably call and not only apologize, but also invite you to a romantic dinner.

Thus, if a young man is interested in a relationship, he will wean himself from allowing himself to be late or postpone dates. The only thing the girl needs in this case is to decide not to communicate with him at all at first, and not after an hour to call him. Otherwise there will simply be no effect. According to psychologists, this technique needs to be improved in relation to the temperament of a young person.

The next situation arises when a young man, according to him, is constantly busy and cannot meet. Psychologists have divided opinions on this matter, but in most cases they agree on one thing: this is a simple disguise that conceals a lack of interest on the part of the guy in the girl.

Often, as a rule, this is exactly what happens. This state of thinking is very convenient for a guy, because at any moment he can call and reschedule the date, stay late for a meeting, and if he gets bored with your company directly on the date, he can simply leave and not delay the date for long, justifying this with the same business and worries .

And when the girl again didn’t wait for him on a date or he simply, as usual, forgot to call and warn, all she hears in response is how he was very busy, and he didn’t even have a minute to dial an SMS from three words This can go on for more than a year. It all depends on how much patience the girl has.

Based on the current state of affairs, we can conclude that the guy has absolutely no time to pay attention to the girl. Often this position develops because the guy is trying to hide a parallel relationship with another.

According to psychologists, this position is adopted by guys who want to have a girl with them as a backup option, just in case. It is unlikely that a girl will develop a mutual relationship with such a young man.

As you know, if a person has some kind of feeling for another - his soulmate, then he will make every effort and will definitely find precious time to meet his beloved. In this case, he does not need to look for an excuse why it is not possible not to come on a date. Here the girl just needs to dot the i’s and tell the guy that this can’t continue like this, let him decide what he wants.

How to understand guys whose psychology of behavior sometimes defies explanation? Here the girl will have to figure it out herself, because only she is able to bring the guy to clean water and determine whether he is lying to her or not.

There are situations in life when you agree to a date or make one, and then unexpected events happen because of which you do not want or cannot go on a date. In this case, you have to refuse the appointed date, but in such a way that you don’t offend the person, and you don’t have to go on a date against your will or coincidence of circumstances. So how do you cancel a date without offending anyone?

HOW TO CANCEL A DATE DUE TO CIRCUMSTANCES

Unfortunately, it is impossible to predict what life situations await you in the future, and therefore every person may always have a situation when they have to cancel a meeting (date) because of such life situations. If the date is canceled not because you simply changed your mind about going to the meeting, then it is advisable, as soon as possible, as soon as you find out that the date will not happen, call and inform that your date is cancelled. At the same time, it is advisable not to lie or deceive; name the reason why your date is cancelled, even if such a reason seems stupid to you. We recommend that you read

HOW TO CANCEL A DATE BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT WISHING TO GO ON IT

If, when making a date, doubts languished in your heart about the need for this meeting, and in the end, you realized that you absolutely do not want to go on a date or, perhaps, you were invited on a date by a more interesting person to you, then in this case there is two options on how to cancel a date.

HOW TO NOTIFY ABOUT CANCELLATION OF A DATE

So, you know exactly what reason you will give your partner to cancel your date, but you are wondering how best to convey this reason to him? Remember, no matter how ashamed or scared you are, but if you want to preserve your relationship, maybe even just a friendly one, then you only need to notify about the cancellation of the date orally, for example, by phone. That is, so that you are completely sure that your partner is notified about the cancellation of the date. After all, having sent him a message, he may not read it, he will come at the appointed time and place and will wait for you there, so it is very important to make sure that the information about the cancellation of the date reaches your partner, and the best way to do this is by calling him on the phone . And only if you can’t get through by phone and inform about canceling the date for some reason, then you should send a message, for example, an email and state in it the whole essence of your reason for canceling the date. But even after sending a message, try to reach your partner and verbally inform about the cancellation of the date.

Unfortunately, for female representatives, canceling a date is a non-binding whim. There may be a thousand reasons why a girl changed her mind or couldn’t come. The reasons are generally not important, there are both serious ones - changes in plans, and simply - I changed my mind. Another thing seems more important: often the girl does not report a change in her plans.

Why didn't the girl come on a date?

It must be borne in mind that women are very meticulous creatures. Before they go somewhere, they will ask ten times and clarify whether they should go there. I don’t know where this ability comes from, maybe due to laziness, it’s in vain not to travel one more time. After all, in addition to meticulousness, girls are very optional. And based on their orientation, they believe that they can come in vain if they don’t ask again a hundred times and confirm in the person’s voice that everything is correct. It could have been a date! It would be so romantic...

Guys are built a little differently. From the principles: we agreed, that means everything is valid. Why clarify 10 times? And typical situations occur when a guy called a girl on the phone yesterday and agreed on a date the next day. And when the next day came, without calling again, he went to the meeting. Naively believing that the girl is just as collected and adequate.
In a man's world, agreements are taken much more seriously.

Calling each other before the date

Nothing of the kind! A new day for a woman is a new life. All yesterday's contracts remain yesterday. For a girl in this matter, this is always the case. But the woman will remember well everything that happened in the past. And if your feelings for her have cooled down or are simply not so acute, she will definitely remind you with the words: “But before you ...” However, this before and yesterday never refers to first and second dates.

We must respect our time. You should never go to a meeting with a girl without calling first that day. Or, in extreme cases, without receiving an affirmative SMS.
It’s better to call before the date and find out that everything is valid.

However, it doesn’t work out very well with texting, because it shows your insecurity. It’s as if you’re not sure if she’s ready to go with you today and that’s why you ask in such an indirect way. This is not an obvious way for a girl! She will look at the SMS, remember that yes, someone called yesterday, think that she is too lazy to answer her and forget.
I’m so lazy to go somewhere with some strange guy...

Another thing is a phone call. It would seem absurd, the question is the same, but psychology is a subtle thing. They may not answer the SMS, but if you pick up the phone and confirm your presence, the chance that she will come greatly increases.

An incident from life

If you ask a girl why she didn’t come on a date, she often doesn’t know. That's how strange they are. I had a case after the first date. A couple of days passed and I made an appointment with her for a second date. An hour before the meeting, she wrote to me that she was tired at work and would not be able to meet with me. And I have already arrived at the place! Surprisingly, the situation repeated itself a few days later. This time, there were about 20 minutes left when I received an SMS from her that she would not be able to see each other today; in excuse, she wrote that she had just met a relative by chance.

I didn't answer. I just gave up because of this attitude. I looked at the SMS with a lost mood and deleted the number.

A week later, the girl showed up and, as if nothing had happened, offered to meet. To say that I was surprised is to say nothing. I was surprised not even by her appearance, but by the offer to meet, which came without any hint of an apology.
When she calls herself and pretends that everything is fine.

Of course, I spoke to her very harshly about this. She promised that she would definitely come. And what’s strange is that later, when I had already slept with her and we sometimes met, I asked her what the hell happened then. She answered: I don’t know myself.

Another lesson that was learned from this story is that when a girl wants, no extraneous matters will distract her. She will sleep for a couple of hours, but will come many kilometers away to the guy. Actually, that’s what happened with this girl later.

The above-described real-life situation is largely an exception. Often, if a girl is dynamite, then hoping and expecting that next time there will be a date is a waste of your energy. It will be great. In the meantime, let’s put it out of our heads completely. If a girl doesn’t show up for a date, having warned her about this in advance, of course, we call her a second time no earlier than a week later. Because in an amicable way, she should propose a meeting herself.

If the girl did not come on a date and did not report a change in her plans. Or she confronted you with the fact that she wouldn’t come when you were already there. In this case, we erase the girl’s number. She as a person is not worthy of you wasting your time on her.
Damn it! I've already planned everything out! How can you not?

And so that situations do not arise when you come, but the girl is not there. You should always call before a meeting. If a girl doesn’t pick up the phone and you can’t reach her on the day of the date, then we put off today’s meeting in our thoughts. Such a simple principle, which the girls themselves follow, will save you a lot of nerves and add confidence, calmness and self-respect.

Perhaps the most serious offense a girl can inflict is to cancel an already scheduled date. I've heard all sorts of these stupid lies they use to justify their refusal, and nine times out of ten they're really just lies.

So what? By applying the appropriate amount of determination, strength and psychological pressure, you can get her to show up on the date as agreed. In fact, everything is very simple. When she calls to cancel a meeting you've already arranged, ready to lay out her stupidest excuses, you just do this:

She: “Oh, sorry, but I can’t come today. I need to meet a friend at the airport.” (Or; “I don’t feel well today” or some other similar lie).

You: “That is, if I understand correctly, you would like to come, but unexpected circumstances do not give you such an opportunity.”

She: “Yes, that’s right.” (She should agree with this - after all, she will not say that she is simply not interested in dating you. To say the latter, you need to have some courage).

You: (Not giving an escape route) “So, if you want to meet, name another day when you can come.”

After that, shut up. At the other end of the line, the girl froze in thought - she was driven into a corner and must name another day for the meeting, otherwise her deceit will become obvious. Another option is to break up with this girl, but she should experience as much embarrassment and discomfort as social boundaries allow. For example, here's a great way to make her feel like an absolute fool:

She: “Oh, I absolutely can’t right now, my parrot is having an existential crisis, and I have to look after him so that he doesn’t commit suicide.”

YOU: “Hmm, I’m sitting here, holding the telephone receiver in my hands, listening to your speeches and realizing that I don’t understand what’s happening now. I also know that I can accept any truth from you, even the most unpleasant one. Could you explain to me again what’s going on.”

It is very important to say this last sentence with the correct intonation and mood. It is important to say it in such a way that it conveys to her the following content: “...now tell me the truth.” Believe it or check it, but nine times out of ten the girl admits to cheating. This is the moment when you calmly grab her warm one!

You: “Well, can you imagine how I feel knowing that you are afraid to take responsibility for your own decisions and have to dodge and lie?”

Oh, this ecstasy of battle! Flushing a girl down the toilet of humiliation is almost as great as scoring a goal in a serious match!

Okay, let's look a little at the option when the girl first canceled the meeting, and then you put pressure on her, and she called another day for the meeting. This option is at least better than just outright refusal, but I strongly recommend that you do not agree to the day she proposes. It may be that in response to your pressure, she is simply throwing you a bone to make you feel better, but even if she seriously suggests another day to meet, and you immediately agree, it creates the impression that you are easily accessible, and disappears for her element of struggle, it becomes unnecessary for her to pursue you. In her eyes, your attractiveness decreases.

[If a girl refuses your appointment, it means she either has a more attractive option, or she is afraid because she doesn’t trust you. In any case, this means that she was not interested. Of course, with professional training, you can easily convince a woman, eliminating any of her doubts and bypassing all kinds of checks. But why fight difficulties when they can be eliminated? Just as theater begins with a hanger, so seduction begins with acquaintance. If the acquaintance is poorly conducted, then difficulties will arise at the dating stage, followed by difficulties at the rapprochement stage. If you want to act professionally, quickly and accurately from the first minute of seducing a girl, then you can learn this in real conditions at practical pickup training at the Dating Academy using special equipment.]

Here is the correct way to handle this case. Let's say you agreed to meet on Saturday, and she calls you on Friday evening.

She: “Sorry, but I can’t come on Saturday. Friends from the village come to visit me. I really wanted to meet. Maybe on Sunday?

You: “5 Sunday I can’t, I already have plans.” (Even if they don’t exist, and you’re dying to meet her, grit your teeth and refuse!)

At this point you have two options.

• “Maybe another day, when you are freer?” Then politely say goodbye and hang up. Wait two weeks, then call and arrange a specific meeting day. If she does not agree to the day you propose or suggests another, crumple up the piece of paper with her number and throw it in the trash. Move on to the next candidate.
• “You know, I'll tell you what it looks like for me. It's just my style. When I make an appointment with someone and that person can't make it, I let them choose another time for the meeting. Basically, if you want to meet me, know that I want to meet you too. Call me, tell me when you can come and I’ll say yes.”

Personally, I prefer the second option. It is not as humiliating and offensive as the first, but, nevertheless, very effective. When the initiative to set up a new meeting is given to her, you do not have to wait two weeks to call and find out whether she still wants to meet or not (you don’t need to find out, but it is very difficult to maintain this type of discipline within yourself, and I myself am not a fan of situations in which I cannot find out everything completely.) You can calmly assume that she is not interested in you, forget about her and give her the opportunity to pleasantly surprise you with her call. At the same time, you maintain an element of independence, you convey to her the most important message: I don't need you, you need me.

[Gregory Madison]

Rule No. 22 was about the “red flags” in a man’s behavior to avoid the “bad guys.” But a man who cancels more than once, unless it's an emergency, is such a serious risk factor that we thought it deserved its own chapter.

Women constantly ask us whether it is worth dating a man who repeatedly cancels meetings and expresses a desire to reschedule them. They say: “He sent an SMS saying that his tire was flat and asks to reschedule the meeting” or “I received an email saying that we will not be able to meet today - a friend invited him to a football match. What should I do?

Don't think that we are overly dramatizing the situation, but canceling the meeting is the final blow! Of course, we understand that our world is a much more frivolous place than it used to be, and no one makes a big deal anymore about canceling a dinner invitation via email, turning a date at the bar into a group party, or canceling a workout with the tap of an iPhone!

But in the world of The Rules, canceling a date (unless it's a true emergency) shouldn't be taken so lightly.

A man should be able to give you a date and keep his promise, regardless of work, weather or any events happening in his life. Dating you should be sacred to him.

It should be written into his schedule in ink, not pencil.

When a man wants to cancel a date, he is able to come up with any excuse: he is sick, he is going to visit his parents, a former colleague just called him and invited him to have a drink, he suddenly remembered about a deadline at work. Women object to us, assuring us that their friend cited a compelling reason that deserves to be given a second chance. But the truth is that men don't cancel dates because they have an upset stomach, are stuck at work (it's a Saturday night?!) or because they were offered tickets to a football game at the last minute. It's much more likely that the guy is canceling the date because he's not that into you, or the girl he really likes has finally agreed to go out with him.

Unfortunately, a woman in love believes in any excuses a man can come up with to cancel a date, because she desperately wants everything to work out. She deceives herself or looks at everything through her fingers. But over time, through more cancellations and disappointments, she becomes a nervous wreck, insecure and distrustful. In a healthy relationship, the man calls or texts, asks the girl out on a Saturday date every week, doesn't cancel or miss meetings, and the woman enjoys a sense of stability and security as a result. She can relax and go about her business.

Hannah, 28, met her boyfriend at a sports bar. 30-year-old Andrew started talking to her, and a week later they met on their first date. After that, even before Wednesday, he again invited her to Saturday evening. Up to this point everything was fine. But on Friday morning Andrew wrote to her that he had to cancel their meeting because a friend from out of town unexpectedly came to visit him, and two weeks later again canceled the meeting because he “came down with a cold.” We said: “No, this is no good, it sounds very suspicious.” Hannah believed him, but we didn’t. We started asking her questions: “Saturday evening? Can't he meet his friend any other time on the weekend? Cold? Is it true? This guy doesn't inspire confidence in us; his excuses sound pretty weak. Doesn’t he want to look into your blue eyes at dinner and maybe even get better thanks to you?”

Hannah respected our opinion, but was too in love with Andrew and continued to date him, hoping we were wrong. She didn't contact us for the next two years, then emailed us asking for another boyfriend consultation. Hannah admitted that Andrew broke up with her several times because she tried to push him into getting engaged. He said he couldn't even think about marriage until he got a promotion. Two months later, he received the promotion, proposed to her, gave her a ring and set a wedding date. Hannah was happy: it was as if a stone had been lifted from her soul.

A month before the long-awaited event, Andrew told her that he had “acute work-related panic disorder” and went to see a therapist, who agreed with him that getting married at this time would cause unnecessary stress and advised him to call off the wedding. Hannah was shocked. "What?! Cancel our wedding? You just killed me! Am I supposed to now call my bridesmaids and guests and tell them there won't be a wedding? And lose ten thousand dollars on your deposit?”

As sad as it is, this did not surprise us. Any man who can cancel one date after another is capable of canceling a wedding. But over time, Hannah became so accustomed to Andrew's excuses that she didn't even understand the significance of what was happening. She wanted to find out if there was any way to save their relationship! We recommended that she sell the gifted ring and forget about it.

Of course, the right girl rarely, if ever, finds herself in such situations. She won't tolerate a guy who cancels more than once. She does not have to suffer from anger, disappointment, feelings of betrayal, or make up excuses for a man, trying to understand what is really happening to him.

Kelly, a junior in college, told us that a guy she'd been dating for a few weeks texted her saying he couldn't go to a party with her on Friday night because he had a fraternity meeting. This pretext seemed far-fetched to us. Kelly assured us that this was not the case - he dreamed of becoming fraternity president. We advised her not to respond to him and to find another date for the party. Indeed, a week later he announced their breakup and began dating another girl. Canceling a meeting under a flimsy pretext is usually the beginning of the end!

What could happen to a man who made an appointment, then canceled it and never made an appointment again? He probably met another woman who he liked better. Don't try to figure out the reason. If he cancels a meeting, especially more than once, he simply doesn’t like you enough!

We are not making up all these stories! Having conducted private consultations for almost 20 years, we have rarely seen a successful relationship with a man who canceled appointments. Moreover, we interviewed hundreds of happily married good wives, and they all said that their husbands never canceled a date, no matter what happened.

A cold, a rainstorm, meeting with clients, studying for an exam, studying at medical school, traffic jams, the Super Bowl, a relative's wedding - nothing will stop a guy from meeting you if he likes you.

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