How to live with an ugly appearance. What to do if you are ugly

Many people ask the question: “I’m ugly, what should I do?” In fact, almost all girls are dissatisfied with their appearance to some extent. Even universally recognized beauties know that they also have their shortcomings. But what if no one ever told you that you are beautiful? What to do if you can't even believe that anyone will love you? “I’m ugly” - a verdict or a delusion?

How it all started

Self-esteem is formed in childhood, when the mother says to the boy: “What kind of coward are you?”, and the father says to the girl: “Who would need such a fat girl?” Actions and reactions to many things depend on upbringing. Popping up again and again, hurtful words or silence entangle us, turning us into the person our parents, older brothers, sisters, and teachers saw us as.

I was born in a small provincial town, into a Muslim family. I have very good parents, but it’s not customary for us to express our feelings. My father never told me that he loved me, that I was beautiful, that I would succeed. And therefore, when my peers told me: “You’re a freak” (they didn’t quite put it that way, but in principle...), and my dad didn’t tell me anything at all about my appearance, I believed that they were right, and my dad just silently agreed with this.

I used a lot of makeup and thought: “I’m ugly, what should I do?” Almost half of my good salary was spent on cosmetics - I was afraid to appear in public without makeup. I was afraid that when my future husband, if I ever had one, saw me without makeup, he would definitely leave me. Even when I, without makeup, sat at the table with my parents, it seemed to me that they were looking at me and thinking: “Well, our child is a freak.” I attempted suicide twice, both for this reason and because of total loneliness and the belief that I would never achieve even recognition.

Of course, I didn’t have any romantic relationships with the opposite sex at that time. It seemed incredible to me that anyone would love me. I didn't believe that I would ever get married.

Liberation

To say that I suffered from low self-esteem is an understatement; it was pure self-hatred. From the outside it was impossible to notice, I was successful, independent, wealthy.
I visited psychologists, took some training, did self-hypnosis, but gradually everything came back. Most psychologists work at the level of the “head”, while the problem with self-esteem lies much deeper, at the level of the heart. The “beauty” and fashion industry is built on keeping women deep in their complexes and fears for as long and as strongly as possible. Otherwise, how will all the cellulite creams and facelift serums be sold? Why is “beauty” in quotation marks? Because on the pages of magazines, in advertising and cinema, we see an unattainable ideal, and when you are looking for an answer to the question “I’m ugly, what should I do?”, they answer: “Be thin, be forever young, be sexually attractive, here are your parameters, match ! - this is what almost all the girls in this world live with. Of course, we need to take care of ourselves, maintain physical shape, try, but we will never win in the race for this ideal, because Photoshop and plastic surgery also do not stand still.

God, Who became my Friend, helped me solve many difficulties, including the problem with self-esteem. Before that, I just had a religion that did not explain to me who I am, why I am, what is required of me.

At the age of 16, I moved to the metropolis because of my studies. My roommate turned out to be a Christian girl, she gave me a Bible. And then I saw God, who cares about me and really loves me, but it was incredibly difficult to believe.

I couldn’t accept myself. One more person was needed to help.

One day the pastor of the church I went to approached me. He suddenly started talking about how difficult it is for girls to love themselves and how many complexes they have. It turned out that he noticed my problem and offered to pray about it. My feelings during prayer cannot be conveyed: as if, with streams of tears, self-loathing, sown in distant childhood, was leaving me. I felt free. I felt that God was nearby, that He really loved me.

I used to listen to the song “There is no delusion in God’s design, and there are no mistakes...” - and anger and resentment raged inside me: “God, how can it not? Here I am, I am a complete mistake! Now I understand that our Jesus is the perfect Creator, that every feature of our appearance is His plan, and it is for this seeming flaw that we can be loved. He really doesn't make mistakes.

After that I became a different person. My work colleagues were surprised when they noticed this: I almost stopped wearing makeup, became more free in communication, and natural.

And now I don’t ask the question “I’m ugly, what should I do?”

The only one

Before this meeting with God, I was seriously interested in parascience, the other world, spiritualism, and somehow wanted to find out who my future husband would be - after all, deep down in our souls, everyone has a thirst for recognition and love. When I came to Jesus, I realized how dangerous all this was, how it insulted the Creator, I very much asked for forgiveness - after all, the Almighty can give and tell everything that is needed.

I saw this guy in church and immediately realized that this was my future husband, although we didn’t even know each other. It was difficult for me to believe this, because he is very handsome, talented, and with my attitude towards myself, it seemed to me that if I had a husband, he would definitely be of very ordinary appearance, intelligence and three times older. Then, over the course of two years when we were dating, God told me more than once that this was the right choice: through dreams, the Bible, through other people and circumstances. And now that we got married, these “signs” from God help me a lot, they support me, because I understand that our marriage is not an accident or a mistake, but what the Lord wanted from us.

I didn’t have very specific requirements for my future spouse (height, eye color, hair), but now I understand that God gave me an ideal husband. The most important thing is that my appearance is the best, special for him, and through him my Creator shows His love.

Do you still think, “I’m ugly, what should I do?”... My advice to you is to give everything into the hands of God.

Of course, this can only be your opinion, which is actually far from the truth. It's rare to meet truly ugly people. It is important to understand that everyone has their own characteristics, and to perceive their imagined or real shortcomings precisely as characteristics.

I consider myself ugly, what should I do?

Once Coco Chanel, who is now considered a style icon, noted: “If a woman is ugly, then she is simply stupid.” Even in those days, there were many ways to highlight your best sides and de-emphasize your shortcomings. Nowadays, the fair sex has many opportunities to improve their appearance.

Realize that if you are ugly, it is your choice. Do you want to receive more compliments and love your reflection in the mirror? So we need to act! Determine what features you are dissatisfied with, make a plan with points in which you describe how you can correct this or that problem. Now that you have this plan in place, get to work!

Complexes or imperfect appearance

In fact, your lack of confidence in your own appearance may just be a complex that someone once instilled in you. They pointed out some “flaw” to you and you believed it.

Many of your “imperfections” that you are embarrassed about may not be noticed at all by people or not considered as such. Such self-doubt indicates low self-esteem, and a visit to a psychologist can normalize the situation.

Probably, many have heard stories about stars who, having a beautiful appearance, were dissatisfied with themselves or had complexes about their fading youth, going under the knife of a plastic surgeon. As a result, the appearance, which seemed standard to millions of people, was simply ruined. Such celebrities include Renee Zellweger, Lara Flynn Boyle, Melanie Griffith, Meg Ryan and many others. Surely, these women decided to undergo surgery, ceasing to consider themselves beautiful. Look at the photos of these actresses before plastic surgery, and see that their claims to themselves were very far-fetched.

How to understand that you are a beautiful girl

One of the main criteria in this matter is the compliments of others. If people periodically note the advantages of your appearance, then apparently you are really beautiful.

There are simply no specific beauty templates. The ideal changes every decade, and every culture has completely different ideas about female beauty.

However, note that beauty does not always translate into charisma, charm, sexuality or intelligence. It’s great if you have undeniable external and internal advantages, but if you are deprived of physical beauty, you can be no less successful in all areas of life than written beauties.

Surely, you have often heard stories about how men leave their beautiful wives for seemingly completely inconspicuous people. Many people ask the question: “What did he find in her?”, but when you watch such women in person, everything becomes obvious - they are so charming, smart, sexy and attractive that external “ordinariness” ceases to be so.

And this effect happens quite often. You may hear about some woman that he is very beautiful, but when you see her at the first second, you don’t understand everyone’s admiration. Once you start observing such a woman, you suddenly also begin to notice her beauty. It's all about charm - you're not born with it, but actively develop it.

How to love yourself if I'm fat

If excess weight really upsets you, then there is only one way out - to get rid of it. You may think that you are already doing everything possible, but the hated kilograms remain in place. This means that this is not true and you are not doing your best, in other words, you are not trying hard enough.

Girls who cannot lose weight are either not motivated enough or have health problems. To exclude the second option, get examined by an endocrinologist, nutritionist, or gastroenterologist.

Set yourself a deadline within which you need to lose weight. For example, you can read stories of girls who got rid of personal weight. There are many groups in this area on VK, where you can see the results “Before” and “After”, and make sure that with the right degree of desire and perseverance, you can also achieve the desired forms.

What should I do if I have an ugly face (long nose, bad skin, small breasts)

Many believe that at least 50 percent of beauty consists of other qualities - not the nose or breasts. If you have well-groomed hair, clear skin, healthy teeth and a slim body, then you can at least be considered a pretty girl or woman. All of these points are quite achievable if you really want it.

There are several large sites on the Internet where girls leave detailed reviews with photographs about how they managed to grow their hair or bring it to its ideal condition. There you will also find information about skin care, sports activities and healthy diets.

There is also a lot of information on the Internet on how to visually smooth out certain imperfections.

Plastic surgery is the solution

If this is not enough for you, and some part of the body or face is seriously poisoning your life, it seems that it is time to think about surgical intervention. Many women, for example, having undergone rhinoplasty, admit that they really regret that they did not take this step earlier. Contact a specialist and find out his opinion - is surgery really necessary for you?

Consider possible risks. If plastic surgery is your only option, then choose your clinic carefully. Look for real reviews, try to get in touch with the institution’s clients through a social network, asking them about all the “pitfalls” of the operation. Often, such interventions are not cheap, and if you do not have the required amount, then this is not a reason to be upset. Many clinics perform the operation on credit, “splitting” the payment into several payments.

I don't like my height - I'm too tall or short

Whatever your height, look for the positives in it. Tall and short stature are good in their own way. Tall girls often envy their miniature friends, and they, on the contrary, are dissatisfied with their diminutiveness, dreaming of adding more than a dozen centimeters to their height.

To make it easier to gain self-confidence, find information about celebrities who are about the same height as you. They often look great and don't seem to have any self-esteem problems at all. See what these stars wear, what style and hairstyles they prefer, and try to get closer to these canons.

How to live as an ugly woman

What to do to love yourself

Realize that there is no other you in the world and that’s great! Perhaps your appearance really does have some shortcomings, but why did you decide that they deserve more attention than your advantages?

Pay attention to your strengths, highlight them, and focus on them. Behave confidently, and this will have a positive effect on the attitude of others. Probably, many girls have noticed this phenomenon: a girl who is ugly in your opinion behaves confidently and even a little defiantly, and at the same time she has a wonderful personal life, and many fans seek her attention. Self-confidence sometimes attracts much more than external beauty.

Tricks of makeup and transformation using clothes

There are many videos on the Internet that clearly demonstrate how even the most homely person can turn into a model from the cover of a magazine after applying makeup correctly. Now there are many techniques, affordable cosmetic products and salon treatments that can significantly change your appearance for the better. Watch some video tutorials and you will see that these skills are not difficult to master!

Clothing, like makeup, is designed not only to hide nudity from others and to escape the cold, but also to draw attention to your winning sides, highlight your skin tone, visually enhance hair color, add or hide volumes in the right areas. places and the like.

Determine your color type using numerous tables on the Internet and read which shades will suit you. It is quite possible that previously, for some reason, you avoided, for example, the color pink, without even suspecting that combinations with it were most suitable for you.

Examples of successful imperfect stars (cinema or Hollywood) who became famous thanks to or despite their imperfections

There are many women in the world who cannot boast of an ideal appearance, but very few pay attention to this. However, if there are such women, then these women do not care about their opinion, because they have achieved fame, recognition and success, despite criticism. Let's talk about some of them.

This woman is successful, rich and has many fans around the world. What made her so? At first glance, it’s difficult to call this actress’s face ideal, but when you start watching how she speaks, looks, moves, laughs, you forget that her appearance is imperfect.

In the 60s of the last century, she even played in the film “Funny Girl.” This is a biographical film about the real person Fanny Brice, who, despite many features of her appearance (squint, big nose, etc.) managed to become a real Broadway star. Barbara saw in herself many similarities with Fanny, but, like the prototype of the film, Streisand managed to achieve success, despite external shortcomings.

When Winnie was a child, she often had to catch other people's eyes on her, and the reason for this was her disease Vitiligo. The girl had to face ridicule and insults, and she no longer expected anything good from life until she pulled herself together and showed willpower. Having grown up, the Jamaican native went on the show “America's Next Top Model,” instantly captivating its creators. The girl managed to become famous in America and abroad, having concluded many expensive contracts. Now she is in demand, successful and famous, but once upon a time those around her called her a cow, because of the white spots on the dark skin of her face and body.

Now this graceful Englishwoman regularly appears on big screens, being the standard of elegance for many women. Surely, for Tilda herself it is strange to be in such a status, because, according to her, in childhood she was not perceived as a girl. The actress notes that she decided to “turn off sexuality,” but this did not save her from the public’s attention, and it’s all about her incredible charisma!

The popular actress has heard criticism addressed to her since childhood and continues to hear it to this day, but this did not stop her from becoming a world-famous star. Moreover, he is a happy mother and wife. In addition, in her youth, Parker was in a long-term relationship with one of the first handsome men of Hollywood, Robert Downey Jr., and today she is a real style icon!

What should I do if I'm ugly? This is a question, according to statistics, that 80% of all women have asked at least once in their lives. And the remaining 20 have asked, but never admit it to anyone. Whether good or bad, physical beauty is a much more significant factor for a woman than for a man.

This has been the case in the past, and it is unlikely that anything will change significantly in the foreseeable future, so women's worries about this are quite understandable.

However, it is not always the complaining woman who is able to answer what actually constitutes her ugliness. In order to understand the problem, let's first understand what beauty is.

To the heart of the matter

One can often hear that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, hinting at the subjective nature of the concept of harmony. This is not entirely true. Beauty is a completely objective thing. If you want, the ability to feel beauty can be called the sixth sense. Oh no, nothing paranormal. Beauty is the sense of purpose inherent in us by nature. What is beautiful is what is perfectly adapted to its environment.

As for a person, a beautiful person is, first of all, of course, a healthy person, without obvious signs of illness or injury. Secondly, a proportionally built body is perceived as beautiful.

And we are not talking about the notorious “90/60/90”, but about the ratio of the sizes of the torso, limbs and other parts of the body. Attempts to calculate ideal proportions can be seen in the famous drawings attributed to Leonardo da Vinci.

Please note that it is attitude, proportion, and not absolute size that “makes” beauty; any part of the body can be beautiful (or not) only as a whole. Therefore, it is stupid to argue whether large breasts are more beautiful or small, and to discuss what length of legs are ugly and which ones are the opposite.

A large woman with large breasts will be beautiful, but a petite girl with the same breasts will look like a vacuum cleaner hose with two apples stuffed inside it. Similarly, the question “ What should I do about ugly knees?", knees cannot be beautiful or ugly on their own.

It remains to say a few words about the so-called beauty templates. This phenomenon has a rather distant relation to beauty itself. By and large, this is nothing more than a fashion for a certain “exterior” of the male or female body, enshrined in mass culture and transmitted by it to fragile minds.

These patterns change with enviable regularity, sometimes turning into their complete opposite. Compare, for example, Rubens’ plump figures and modern models with the figures of teenage girls.

Patterns have even less in common with attractiveness than with beauty (attractiveness and beauty are not identical, more on that below), and this was proven in a curious experiment. The researchers selected a group of men of various ages, belonging to various social and professional groups, professing different religions, etc.

During the test, continuous monitoring was carried out of various indicators that made it possible to assess the level of sexual arousal - pulse, heartbeat, breathing rate, pupil dilation. During the experiment, men were shown photos and videos of women.

So it turned out that women who correspond to generally accepted beauty templates (top models, fashion models, actresses, singers, winners of beauty contests) evoke a much smaller response in the hearts and other parts of the body of men than the most ordinary women, whose roles were played in the experiment workers of the research center, students of the university where the experiment was carried out, and female volunteers literally from the street.

Some of the men were aroused by chubby men, some by thin men, some by athletic men, tall and short, only by the “correct” ones—virtually no one.

Let's become beautiful

We found out that beauty is:

• firstly – health;
• secondly, the proportionality of the physique.

Now you can understand why a particular girl is ugly, and what can be done about it. But first, let's think about whether we need to do anything at all? As we already mentioned, “beautiful” does not at all equal “ attractive».

How can this be, if beauty is expediency, then the most expedient, most adapted to the environmental conditions, representative of the species should be the most attractive partner for procreation?

Not really. Let's remember what biological meaning is inherent in the separation of the sexes. Nature is constantly experimenting, making changes to the genetic code. Viable, useful changes are fixed and passed on to offspring.

Small (without obvious signs of viability) deviations from the average species are precisely evidence of genetic experiments of nature. Men, by their nature, will never miss an opportunity to participate in an experiment.

If it were not for this built-in mechanism for purposefully checking small deviations for viability, evolution would strictly follow the path of extensive improvement of one species, and no development of new forms would be simply impossible. So a slight deviation from the image of the average beauty is your undoubted trump card, use it.

We are working on ourselves

However, you shouldn’t indulge yourself with illusions, like Mother Nature created me this way, so love me the way I am! No really. Any representative of the fair half of humanity knows what to do with ugly legs or excess weight: sports, diet, absence of bad habits and a balanced daily routine.

You can check with your dentist about what to do with an ugly smile. A nutritionist and specialists in a beauty salon will help you deal with unsightly hair and nails.

You can endlessly sit and complain about fate and envy beauties, or you can muster your will into a fist and start working on your appearance, intelligence, manners and character. Believe me, after this you will not want to utter maxims like “ I'm an ugly girl and there's nothing I can do about it!»

Now about what is definitely not attractive. Of course, you need to do something about the ugly, unkempt, sickly appearance - diaper rash in the armpits, wrinkles, and skin irritations will not make you look better!

Of course, there is nothing beautiful about being overweight, but the fight against excess weight is a separate big topic. As well as an arsenal of feminine tricks that allow you to hide minor signs of ill health. But what to do if your body does not have the correct proportions? Knowledge about the “golden ratio”, which we have already mentioned in passing, comes to the rescue.

Understanding harmony with algebra

« Golden ratio" refers to the relationship between two parts of one whole. Let’s not overload the readers with mathematics, but let’s say that the closest to “ golden ratio" is a ratio of two to three (2/3). Attitude of what? Yes, anything that consists of two parts or that can be divided into two parts. For example, the ratio of the length of the arm from the collarbone to the elbow to the length from the elbow to the fingertips.

But the most noticeable and most influential on the feeling of beauty is the ratio of the upper part of the body (from the crown to the waist) to the lower part (from the waist to the ground). While you are wearing clothes, the role of the dividing line between the “top” and “bottom” is played by a belt, a belt, the border of trousers and a T-shirt.

Moving this transverse border has a simply stunning effect on the girl’s appearance. Moreover, both in one direction and in the other. You've probably seen girls with not very long legs, whom the low waist of their jeans simply makes them look “square.”

How to correctly determine " where to do the waist"? This is where the golden ratio 2/3 comes in handy. Be sure to measure your height (!) with heels. We divide it by 5, I propose to call the resulting number L, in honor of Leonardo. So: the distance from the top of the head to the “middle” (not to your real waist, but to the visible border) should be 2L, from the middle to the ground - 3L.

Hello. I am 21 years old, female. I suffer from severe depression. The fact is that I am very ugly. Since childhood, I was plagued by ridicule, endless nicknames, and mockery at school. The boys mocked: “I won’t sit at the same desk with this ugly girl!” I began to hate myself, became shy, downtrodden. I quit studying at the university because I could not concentrate on my studies due to constant depression and depression.

After I fell unrequitedly in love with a guy who, as I accidentally found out, said behind my back that he had nothing against me, but I was just terribly ugly, and he wouldn’t date me, I wanted to commit suicide. I gave up everything, lost all desire to live. But still she overcame herself and found a job. There I accidentally overheard a conversation among work colleagues who were discussing me and called me as terrible as a nuclear war. Crocodile, scary, ugly - after ten years of such reviews about myself, I stopped feeling like a human being.

The consolations that appearance is not the main thing are of little help - I have not yet met a guy who would prefer an ugly-looking girl to a pretty one. Not everyone bullied me at all - but friendly relations are all that you can count on. Love, sex - apparently this is for others, not for people like me. At 21, I'm still a virgin. There were some cases when they offered sex, but these were men older than me, completely uninteresting, who did not even try to please me, but simply calculated that someone like me would not refuse, no courtship was necessary.

One even openly said about me: “And this freak is still acting like God knows what.” Apparently, people like me have nothing to count on love, compliments, or courtship. I feel like a nobody. I'm tired of life. I just don't see the point anymore. Probably, people like me sooner or later get used to their ugliness and live. I can't. I can’t feel inferior, ugly, I’m tired of being neglected as a woman. When I see pretty girls my age surrounded by fans and attention, I'm ready to scream in despair.

How to live with an ugly appearance? To live and not to exist? Thank you if you read all of this.

Lida

“What to do if the child was born ugly?” Parents shared candid stories and photos

There's a serious thread on Reddit about how parents feel when they realize their child isn't as beautiful and charming as they thought. Despite the tragedy of the situation, many reacted to everything with humor.

A Reddit user asked people how they felt when they realized that their child was ugly. Surprisingly, there were quite a lot of detailed and honest answers. Some people even posted photos of their newborn babies in the hospital.

My daughter was born with this funny nose. I gasped when I saw her in the maternity hospital. It was terrible, I couldn't help but notice it. The nose looked like a damn beak. Fortunately, it turned out that her nose was simply swollen when they tried to push her out of me for 26 hours.

My eldest son was born 55 centimeters long and weighing three kilograms. Long and thin. With black thick hair all over his body and a cone-shaped head. When I first saw him, I cried. I was so upset. I told my mom he looked like I slept with a monkey. Luckily he looks much better now.

Now my six year old son is adorable. But when he was born, he was just ugly. He was a cross between a frog and a monkey. No. He had a hairy forehead until he was six months old. Then bam! And he became cute. But even when he was hairy, I loved him no less.

A similar thing happened to my niece. She looked like a wiry alien mixed with Danny Devito. Now that she's eight, she looks like Hermione from the first Harry Potter.

I think 95% of babies are deformed at birth. I naturally thought that my daughter was the most beautiful creature on the planet. “Thank God we had a sweet baby.” Six months later, looking back and looking at old photos, I realized I was wrong. What a strange creature. She looked like a tiny, grumpy Churchill (that's what we called her until she was nine months old). Now she's three and adorable.