The importance of the child for the family, pedagogy. Family education of a child and its importance for development

Over the course of history, the understanding of the theory and practice of education has undergone significant changes. They began to study the phenomenon of education, primarily from the standpoint of social function, and sometimes even identified it with socialization, which is unlawful.

Today, education is understood as:

• * transfer of social experience and world culture;
• * educational impact on a person, a group of people or a team (direct and indirect, indirect);
• * organization of the student’s lifestyle and activities;
• * educational interaction between teacher and student;
• * creating conditions for the development of the student’s personality, that is, providing him with help and support in case of family problems, difficulties in learning, communication or professional activities.

Different approaches to defining the essence of education emphasize the practical complexity and versatility of this phenomenon.

In general, education is an educational act, the main components of which are the educator (group of educators) and the pupil (group of pupils), the above-mentioned process and the conditions for its occurrence.

Historical and world practice show that the main goal of education is defined as the formation of a comprehensively and harmoniously developed person, prepared for independent life and activity in modern society, capable of sharing and increasing the values ​​of the latter in the future.

For the purpose of harmonious and comprehensive development of a person, mental, moral, labor, aesthetic, physical, legal, civil, economic, and environmental education are carried out.

Its results are personal new formations associated with awareness and changes in the worldview system, value relations, which allow one to choose a lifestyle and behavior strategy, and navigate the language of modern culture. That is, in the human and social space of “good-evil”, “truth-lies”, “beautiful-ugly”, “honesty-unscrupulousness”, “love-hate”, “friendship-betrayal”, “rights and responsibilities” person

The essence of education lies in such interaction that the educator deliberately seeks to influence the student: “what a person as a person can and should be” (K. D. Ushinsky). That is, education is one of the activities to transform a person or group of people

Family education is the organization of a child’s life in a family environment. It is the family that, during the first six to seven years of a child’s life, forms the foundations of a future personality. Family education is productive if it is carried out in an atmosphere of love, mutual understanding and respect. Professional self-realization and material well-being of parents also play a significant role here, creating conditions for the normal development of the child.

Raising a child involves including him in a number of ordinary household duties (cleaning his bed, room), gradually increasing the complexity of tasks and activities (sports, music, reading, gardening). Since for a child at this age imitation (direct reproduction of the actions, words and deeds of people around him) acts as one of the main ways of understanding the world, it is desirable to limit external negative influences

The goals of education are expected changes in a person (or group of people), carried out under the influence of specially prepared and systematically carried out educational actions and actions. The process of formulating such goals, as a rule, accumulates the humanistic attitude of the educator (group or entire society) to the personality of the person being educated.

The criteria for assessing a person’s upbringing are:

• * “good” as behavior for the benefit of another person (group, team, society as a whole);
• * “truth” as a guide in evaluating actions and deeds;
• * “beauty” in all forms of its manifestation and creation.

The measure of a person’s upbringing is determined by the following criteria: the breadth and height of a person’s ascent to the above-mentioned values; the degree of orientation in the rules, norms, ideals and values ​​of society and the degree of guidance by them in actions and actions, as well as the level of personal qualities acquired on their basis.

A person’s upbringing can be judged by numerous indicators: by appearance, speech, demeanor in general and characteristic individual actions, by value orientations, in relation to activities and communication style

A person as a personality begins to form in the family. The family can be considered the cradle of personality. In the process of close relationships with the child’s mother, father, grandparents and other relatives, the structure of his personality is formed from the first days of life. He enters the world of his relatives and adopts the norms of their behavior. The role of parents lies not only in the broadly understood care of children, but also in the formation of his thoughts, feelings, aspirations, and the education of his own “I”. The male role of a father for children is usually expected to be energetic, strong, courageous, responsible for making decisions, monitoring compliance with social norms, and providing material support for the whole family. The upbringing of children with warmth, affection, condescension, and kindness depends on the female role of the mother.

The family is the very first and most effective environment for the socialization of children, the perception of folk traditions, moral values, attitudes towards work, towards people, towards nature. Essentially, before entering school, a child’s family is his main “university.” Leo Tolstoy claimed that by the age of five he had learned more about the world than he had learned in the rest of his life. There may be an exaggeration in this, but in essence the writer is right. The basic habits, moral orientations of a child, his communicative culture and many character traits are formed, according to psychologists, by the age of five to seven. Then re-education begins.

For a child, the family is both a living environment and an educational environment. The influence of the family, especially in the initial period of a child’s life, far exceeds other educational influences.

In the family, children gain experience of real life in all its manifestations. Patterns of family behavior form one or another attitude towards the world around us and the people around us. .

The family instills in a person the basic and most durable traits of social immunity against all the vices of humanity: evil, lies, deceit, envy, disrespect for others. Of course, if we are talking about a prosperous family, which contributes to the moral improvement of the child, imposes on him certain responsibilities that teach him consistency in actions, order and work, and responsibility for his behavior.

In his book “On Education” A.S. Makarenko wrote: “our children are our old age. Proper upbringing is our happy old age, bad upbringing is future grief, these are our tears, this is our guilt before other people, before the whole country. Parents must remember the great importance of this matter, the great responsibility for it.” Family upbringing plays an important role in the formation and development of a child's personality.

A child’s first sense of citizenship is formed in the family. And here the initial role is played by the example of parents, their attitude towards people, towards work, and social responsibilities.

The formation of a child’s personality is in close connection with spheres of family life: the organization of its life, the emotional and moral atmosphere, the style of relationships between adults, their social maturity, and existing family traditions. The entire life of adults is an example for a child. The effectiveness of pedagogical influences largely depends on the family microclimate: a child is more susceptible to educational influence if he grows up in an atmosphere of friendship, trust, and mutual sympathy. .

In family life, social-biological, economic-household, moral-legal, psychological and aesthetic relationships develop. Each of these spheres of family life plays an important socializing role. In the family, a child acquires his first labor skills when he participates in self-care, helps elders in the household, does school homework, plays, and helps organize leisure and entertainment; learns to consume various material and spiritual goods. The family develops the ability to appreciate and respect the work of other people: parents, relatives; the future family man is being raised.

The family influences the formation of the child’s psychological gender. For the first three years of life, this influence is decisive, because it is in the family that the irreversible process of gender typing takes place, thanks to which the child assimilates the attributes of the gender assigned to him: a set of personal characteristics, characteristics of emotional reactions, various attitudes, tastes, behavioral patterns associated with masculinity (male properties) or femininity (feminine properties). The family continues to play a significant role in this process at subsequent age stages, helping or hindering the formation of the psychological gender of a teenager or young man.

Traditionally, the main institution of education is the family. What a child acquires in the family during childhood, he retains throughout his entire subsequent life. The importance of the family as an educational institution is due to the fact that the child stays in it for a significant part of his life, and in terms of the duration of its impact on the individual, none of the educational institutions can compare with the family. It lays the foundations of the child’s personality, and by the time he enters school, he is already more than half formed as a person.

The family can act as both a positive and negative factor in education. The positive impact on the child’s personality is that no one, except the people closest to him in the family - mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister, treats the child better, loves him and cares so much about him. And at the same time, no other social institution can potentially cause as much harm in raising children as a family can do.

The family is a special kind of collective that plays a basic, long-term and most important role in education. Anxious mothers often have anxious children; ambitious parents often suppress their children so much that this leads to the appearance of an inferiority complex; an unrestrained father who loses his temper at the slightest provocation often, without knowing it, forms a similar type of behavior in his children, etc.

In connection with the special educational role of the family, the question arises of how to maximize the positive and minimize the negative influences of the family on the upbringing of the child. To do this, it is necessary to accurately determine intrafamily socio-psychological factors that have educational significance.

The main thing in raising a little person is to achieve spiritual unity, a moral connection between parents and child. In no case should parents let the upbringing process take its course and at an older age, leave the matured child alone with himself.

It is in the family that the child receives his first life experience, makes his first observations and learns how to behave in various situations. It is very important that what we teach a child is supported by specific examples, so that he can see that in adults, theory does not diverge from practice. (If your child sees that his mom and dad, who tell him every day that lying is wrong, without noticing it themselves, deviate from this rule, all upbringing can go down the drain.)

Each parent sees in their children their continuation, the realization of certain attitudes or ideals. And it is very difficult to retreat from them.

Conflict situation between parents - different approaches to raising children.

The first task of parents is to find a common solution and convince each other. If a compromise has to be made, it is imperative that the basic requirements of the parties are satisfied. When one parent makes a decision, he must remember the position of the other.

The second task is to make sure that the child does not see contradictions in the positions of the parents, i.e. It is better to discuss these issues without him.

Children quickly “grasp” what is said and quite easily maneuver between their parents, seeking momentary benefits (usually in the direction of laziness, poor studies, disobedience, etc.).

When making a decision, parents should put in the first place not their own views, but what will be more useful for the child.

In communication, adults and children develop the following principles of communication:

1) Acceptance of the child, i.e. the child is accepted for who he is.

2) Empathy (sympathy) - an adult looks at problems through the eyes of a child and accepts his position.

3) Congruence. It assumes an adequate attitude on the part of an adult to what is happening.

Parents may love a child for no reason, despite the fact that he is ugly, not smart, and neighbors complain about him. The child is accepted for who he is. (Unconditional love)

Perhaps parents love it when the child meets their expectations. when he studies and behaves well. but if the child does not satisfy those needs, then the child is, as it were, rejected, the attitude changes for the worse. This brings significant difficulties, the child is not confident in his parents, he does not feel the emotional security that should be there from infancy. (conditional love)

The child may not be accepted by the parents at all. He is indifferent to them and may even be rejected by them (for example, a family of alcoholics). But maybe in a prosperous family (for example, he was not long-awaited, there were serious problems, etc.) the parents do not necessarily realize this. But there are purely subconscious moments (for example, the mother is beautiful, but the girl is ugly and withdrawn. The child annoys her.

Types of family relationships

Each family objectively develops a certain system of upbringing that is not always conscious of it. Here we mean an understanding of the goals of education, the formulation of its tasks, and a more or less targeted application of methods and techniques of education, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. Four tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and four types of family relationships corresponding to them, which are both a prerequisite and a result of their occurrence: dictate, guardianship, “non-interference” and cooperation.

Diktat in the family is manifested in the systematic behavior of some family members (mainly adults) and the initiative and self-esteem of other family members.

Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child based on the goals of education, moral standards, and specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those of them who prefer order and violence to all types of influence are faced with the resistance of a child who responds to pressure, coercion, and threats with his own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deception, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if resistance turns out to be broken, many valuable personality traits are broken along with it: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one’s capabilities. Reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, systematically depriving him of the right to vote in resolving issues pertaining to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.

Family guardianship is a system of relationships in which parents, while ensuring through their work that all the child’s needs are met, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon himself. The question of active personality formation fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - meeting the child’s needs and protecting him from difficulties. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children to face reality beyond the threshold of their home. It is these children who turn out to be more unadapted to life in a group. According to psychological observations, it is precisely this category of adolescents that produces the largest number of breakdowns during adolescence. It is these children, who seem to have nothing to complain about, who begin to rebel against excessive parental care. If dictate implies violence, order, strict authoritarianism, then guardianship means care, protection from difficulties. However, the result is largely the same: children lack independence, initiative, they are somehow removed from resolving issues that personally concern them, and even more so general family problems.

The system of interpersonal relations in the family, built on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of “non-interference”. It is assumed that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus drawn. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type of relationship in a family presupposes the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family by common goals and objectives of joint activity, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the child’s selfish individualism is overcome. A family where the leading type of relationship is cooperation acquires a special quality and becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

The style of family education and the values ​​accepted in the family are of great importance in the development of self-esteem.

3 styles of family education:

Conniving

In a democratic style, the interests of the child are taken into account first. “Consent” style.

With the permissive style, the child is left to his own devices.

A preschooler sees himself through the eyes of close adults who are raising him. If the family's assessments and expectations do not correspond to the child's age and individual characteristics, his self-image seems distorted.

M.I. Lisina traced the development of self-awareness of preschoolers depending on the characteristics of family upbringing. Children with an accurate idea of ​​themselves are raised in families where parents devote a lot of time to them; positively assess their physical and mental data, but do not consider their level of development higher than that of most peers; predict good performance at school. These children are often rewarded, but not with gifts; They are punished mainly by refusal to communicate. Children with a low self-image grow up in families that do not teach them, but demand obedience; they are judged low, often reproached, punished, sometimes in front of strangers; they are not expected to succeed in school or achieve significant achievements in later life.

A child’s adequate and inappropriate behavior depends on the conditions of upbringing in the family.

Children who have low self-esteem are dissatisfied with themselves. This happens in a family where parents constantly blame the child or set excessive goals for him. The child feels that he does not meet the requirements of his parents. (Do not tell your child that he is ugly; this creates complexes that are then impossible to get rid of.)

Inadequacy can also manifest itself with inflated self-esteem. This happens in a family where the child is often praised, and gifts are given for little things and achievements (the child gets used to material rewards). The child is punished very rarely, the system of demands is very soft.

Adequate representation - here we need a flexible system of punishment and praise. Admiration and praise with him are excluded. Gifts are rarely given for actions. Extreme harsh punishments are not used.

In families where children grow up with high, but not inflated, self-esteem, attention to the child’s personality (his interests, tastes, relationships with friends) is combined with sufficient demands. Here they do not resort to humiliating punishment and willingly praise when the child deserves it. Children with low self-esteem (not necessarily very low) enjoy greater freedom at home, but this freedom, in essence, is a lack of control, a consequence of parents’ indifference to their children and to each other.

School performance is an important criterion for assessing a child as an individual by adults and peers. The attitude towards oneself as a student is largely determined by family values. For a child, those qualities that his parents care most about come to the fore - maintaining prestige (questions are asked at home: “Who else got an A?”), obedience (“Were you scolded today?”), etc. In the self-awareness of a small schoolchild, the emphasis shifts when parents are concerned not with educational, but with everyday moments in his school life (“Isn’t there a breeze from the windows in the classroom?”, “What did you have for breakfast?”), or they don’t care about anything at all - school life is not discussed or debated formally. A rather indifferent question: “What happened at school today?” sooner or later will lead to the corresponding answer: “Nothing special,” “Everything is fine.”

Parents also set the initial level of the child’s aspirations – what he aspires to in educational activities and relationships. Children with a high level of aspirations, high self-esteem and prestigious motivation expect only success. Their ideas about the future are equally optimistic.

Children with low aspirations and low self-esteem do not aspire to much, either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their capabilities; they quickly come to terms with the level of performance that develops at the beginning of their studies.

Anxiety may become a personality trait at this age. High anxiety becomes stable with constant dissatisfaction with studies on the part of parents. Let's say a child gets sick, lags behind his classmates and finds it difficult to get involved in the learning process. If the temporary difficulties he experiences irritate adults, anxiety arises, fear of doing something bad, wrong. The same result is achieved in a situation where the child studies quite successfully, but the parents expect more and make inflated, unrealistic demands.

Due to the increase in anxiety and associated low self-esteem, educational achievements decrease and failure is consolidated. Lack of self-confidence leads to a number of other features - the desire to mindlessly follow the instructions of an adult, to act only according to samples and templates, fear of taking initiative, formal assimilation of knowledge and methods of action.

Adults, dissatisfied with the child’s declining educational productivity, focus more and more on these issues when communicating with him, which increases emotional discomfort. It turns out to be a vicious circle: the child’s unfavorable personal characteristics are reflected in his educational activities, low performance results in a corresponding reaction from others, and this negative reaction, in turn, strengthens the child’s existing characteristics. You can break this circle by changing your parents’ attitudes and assessments. Close adults, focusing attention on the slightest achievements of the child. Without blaming him for individual shortcomings, they reduce his level of anxiety and thereby contribute to the successful completion of educational tasks.

The second option is demonstrativeness - a personality trait associated with an increased need for success and attention from others. The source of demonstrativeness is usually the lack of attention of adults to children who feel abandoned and “unloved” in the family. But it happens that the child receives enough attention, but it does not satisfy him due to the exaggerated need for emotional contacts. Excessive demands on adults are made not by neglected children, but, on the contrary, by the most spoiled children. Such a child will seek attention, even breaking the rules of behavior. (“It’s better to be scolded than not noticed”). The task of adults is to do without lectures and edifications, make comments as less emotionally as possible, not pay attention to minor offenses and punish for major ones (say, by refusing a planned trip to the circus). This is much more difficult for an adult than caring for an anxious child.

If for a child with high anxiety the main problem is the constant disapproval of adults, then for a demonstrative child it is a lack of praise.

The third option is “escaping reality.” It is observed in cases where demonstrativeness in children is combined with anxiety. These children also have a strong need for attention to themselves, but they cannot realize it due to their anxiety. They are little noticeable, are afraid of causing disapproval with their behavior, and strive to fulfill the demands of adults. An unsatisfied need for attention leads to an increase in even greater passivity and invisibility, which complicates already insufficient contacts. When adults encourage children to be active, pay attention to the results of their educational activities and search for ways of creative self-realization, a relatively easy correction of their development is achieved.

4 ways to support conflict situations:

1. Avoiding the problem (purely business communication)

2. Peace at any cost (for an adult, the relationship with a child is most valuable). By turning a blind eye to negative actions, an adult does not help the teenager, but, on the contrary, encourages the child’s negative forms of behavior.

3. Victory at any cost (an adult strives to win, trying to suppress unnecessary forms of child behavior. If he loses in one thing, he will strive to win in another. This situation is endless.)

4. Productive (compromise option). This option assumes partial victory in both camps. We definitely need to go towards this together, i.e. it must be the result of a joint decision.

After their parents divorce, boys often become uncontrollable, lose self-control, and at the same time show increased anxiety. These characteristic behavioral traits are especially noticeable during the first months of life after divorce, and by two years after it they are smoothed out. The same pattern, but with less pronounced negative symptoms, is observed in the behavior of girls after their parents’ divorce.

Thus, in order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative influence of the family on the upbringing of a child, it is necessary to remember intra-family psychological factors that have educational significance:

o Take an active part in family life;

o Always find time to talk with your child;

o Take an interest in the child’s problems, delve into all the difficulties that arise in his life and help develop his skills and talents;

o Do not put any pressure on the child, thereby helping him make his own decisions;

o Have an understanding of the different stages in a child's life;

o Respect the child’s right to his own opinion;

o Be able to restrain possessive instincts and treat the child as an equal partner who simply has less life experience;

o Respect the desire of all other family members to pursue a career and improve themselves.

Reading time: 8 minutes.

Children's development begins with the family. Relatives invest in the personality the basics of behavior, spiritual and social norms. The role of the family in raising children is so great that it influences the development of personality both positively and negatively. How should family members behave in order to raise a full-fledged, adequate personality? What challenges do parents face?

The role of the family in raising children

Usually family members belong to one generation, but sometimes many generations of a family live together (grandmother, grandfather, mother, father). A favorable moment of growth is that the child feels protected and receives spiritual uplift when communicating with mom, dad, sisters, brothers, grandparents. In such a family, knowledge and a willingness to show attention and rush to help are spontaneously developed. Remember warm evenings with your grandmother, good fairy tales and delicious tea with jam.

This instills care for loved ones and the value of family. Grandfather is a symbol of wisdom and courage, he will teach you a craft. A large family provides a huge opportunity for boys and girls to gain multifaceted development. Children from such a family grow up sensitive, attentive, and independent.

Also, the positive role of the family in raising a child is played by the personal example of the parents. In order for a son to strive to be strong and do the right thing, he simply needs to see such an example in front of him. A daughter will grow up feminine, worthy, loving only if her mother was like that.

The main place in the upbringing of a growing person is the spiritual union, the open connection between parents and the child. There is no way in hell you should abandon raising a child to the mercy of fate or leave a teenager to fend for themselves.

Every parent sees their child as an extension of themselves. Some parents see their baby as an object for the realization of unfulfilled desires; subsequently, such a baby becomes part of the parents. Often we, parents, choose activities at our own discretion, according to our interests.

It is not easy to give up on realizing your desires. The main task is to make a decision that would satisfy both participants (mom, dad), remembering the opinion of the other parent. Another task for adults is to match words and deeds. The baby doesn’t understand why smoking is harmful if dad or mom smokes without hesitation. It is also important to discuss contradictions without the presence of children. Little listeners easily absorb information and also use it to their advantage; usually their choice leans toward laziness, reluctance to learn, and stubbornness.

During contact between parents and children, the concept of communication is developed:

• The baby is perceived as he is;
• An adult looks at the situation through the eyes of a child;
• The parent correctly assesses the situation.

Some parents love their child just like that, not for his achievements or beautiful appearance, but simply for the fact that he is. This is unconditional love.

It happens that children are loved for their actions, good grades or bright appearance. However, when a student receives a bad grade, he feels that no one needs him, and relationships deteriorate. Then the child does not feel the protection that is so necessary. This kind of love is called conditional.

The worst thing for children is complete indifference. This attitude plays a detrimental role for the family in nurturing the child’s personality. If the baby was unwanted or serious problems occurred, the baby’s appearance may not satisfy the parents’ desires, which leads to the offspring’s rejection or indifference. Often this attitude develops subconsciously, i.e. not controlled.

The family lays the foundation for the physical development and health of the individual. The role of the family in instilling moral values ​​is also important. The influence of the family on the upbringing of the child is exerted daily by relatives; mental growth depends on the values ​​of the parents, the situation in the family, and cognitive needs.

The role of the family in raising preschool children

By nature, children are curious; they constantly ask adults about something, thereby developing their horizons and vocabulary. Preschool children are interested in everything that is unknown or incomprehensible to them. Preschool children who can read on their own draw information from literature, epics, and nursery rhymes. The role of the family in raising preschool children is very important; preschoolers need to attend performances, watch educational programs, follow exhibitions, and go to museums. Visiting cultural public places instills the ability to communicate correctly and a passion for art.

Cognitive skills begin to develop earlier than some parents assume:

• mother's first smile;
• baby care;
• reading fairy tales, poems;
• conversations on the way home and much more.

Everyday actions for adults are of great importance in raising a preschooler.

Plays a major role in the development of a preschooler
Analyze your attitude towards the child, your communication. If you understand that the current one will not lead to a positive result, try to change your parenting tactics. Family education style plays a huge role in the development of personality.

The role of the family in the spiritual and moral education of preschool children.
Parents are the founders of the birth of personality; the role of the family in raising a child, promoting his moral level, is unconditionally great. Preschool age is very trusting and children absorb information “like a sponge.” Therefore, scientists and teachers confirm that these years are very important for laying a moral foundation. The family represents the first society, which has a powerful influence on the formation of a person as an individual.

The beginning of moral education is the spirituality of the environment in which the preschooler spends most of his time. Moral education is expressed by politeness, respect for elders, and tact.

Traditional roles of parents.

Children constantly need to receive parental love. During difficult situations, the baby needs parental support. Family cannot be replaced by anything. What role do parents play in raising children? Parents are an indicator of the norms of behavior in society, the rules of communication with loved ones, and the realization of oneself as an individual. Some people believe that it is inappropriate to engage in education until the age of three, but it is this period of growth that is fundamental for the development of knowledge, skills, values, and attitude towards oneself and others. The main role here is played by the mother and father.

The role of the mother in raising a child.

Mom is the only person with whom children feel completely safe. Only when you are with your mother can you be yourself and not worry about someone laughing or offending you. Being under maternal protection, the baby will no longer be afraid of other people's ridicule and begins to build relationships with society. The main role of a mother in raising a child leads to her becoming a good example and a loyal friend. The mother should calmly explain to the baby if he has done wrong, physical punishment or an orderly tone is unacceptable. Children need to be told about their responsibilities around the house, based on their age and physical characteristics. The question is to teach the mother to perform tasks with love, responsibility and pleasure.

A woman needs to share her values, knowledge, views, but not impose them. It is important for a daughter or son to have his opinion heard. When there is not one child in a family, but two, three or more, it is more difficult for a mother to distribute her attention equally to all children. It is necessary to take into account the interest of everyone, without depriving either the elders or the younger ones of attention; adult children need mother's love no less than others.

Mom is an indicator of what a woman should be like in a family: caring, wise, balanced, adequate. The daughter projects behavior onto herself in the future, and the son onto his wife. Therefore, the mother should watch her actions and words. A word thrown in feelings or an action in the heat of the moment is grasped by kids “on the fly.”

Even in adulthood, we go to our mother for advice or a kind word, because she will always listen, caress, and not judge.

The role of the father in raising a child.

For absolute harmony in the family, it is necessary that two parents accept assistance in the development of children.

Mom is a symbol of warmth, care, tenderness. Dad is a symbol of protection, strength, constancy.

In most families, it is customary to “not touch” dad after a hard day’s work, but a daughter or son simply needs to spend some time with his father. It is enough to ask about the baby’s affairs, read a book or play. The role of the father in raising a child is not only financial support. The father should spend weekends with the family, go for walks together, go to the movies, and visit.

They say: if a son is born, a man becomes a father, if a daughter is born, a daddy. So here's for girls Dad is a symbol of stability and purposefulness. She will look for such a man in the future. Little princesses grow up with a sense of respect for a man, thanks to the correct upbringing of their father, as well as his attitude towards all family members.

Father for boys is a role model. Dads need to watch themselves, their words and actions. On the contrary, boys who grew up without a father have no idea how a man acts in a given situation. A son who grew up in a full-fledged family has an idea of ​​​​the relationship between a man and a woman; in the future, he already has a picture of a happy relationship in his head.

Dad introduces endurance, sports, and a healthy lifestyle. Physical education develops discipline and organization. The boy values ​​his father's approval very highly, so he should encourage his son and rejoice at his successes. The father is the closest friend; it is necessary to take the little man fishing, hiking, and discuss men’s issues with him (in accordance with age).

The role of the father in raising children in the family is inextricably linked with the development of a full-fledged personality. If a man does not know how to participate in raising children, a woman guides him:

• go for walks with children;
• discuss problems related to the child;
• do not hesitate to ask your husband for help;
• ask your husband to resolve a specific issue together with the child.

To summarize, let us highlight the factors that play a positive role in raising children:

• It is necessary to take an active part in the lives of children;
• Listen to the baby's opinion;
• Discuss family issues together;
• Accept the baby as he is;
• Eliminate physical and psychological violence;
• Allow your child to make his own decisions.

Spend maximum time with your children; they should be confident in your support and their importance. Only in this way will a small person grow into a confident, full-fledged person with a sense of self-esteem.

Family education is the most popular type of education at all times. In modern conditions, the institution of family is considered as the main one in the upbringing and development of a child; along with the family, public and state institutions (kindergarten, school, additional education institutions, etc.) play an important role.

The specificity of raising children in a family is that, starting from the prenatal period of fetal development, then the first days, months, years of a child’s life are considered the most responsible and difficult.

In the first years of a child’s life, parents’ concern for satisfying his physical needs should be combined with the development of his spiritual and moral formation.

In the preschool years, education in the family should be aimed at developing a culture of feelings: fostering reverence, obedience, shame, feelings of compassion, fostering truthfulness, a sense of will, fostering conscience, etc.

Specific tasks exist in raising children in a family based on gender (sex). Parents should know that nature itself has programmed the behavior characteristics of men and women. If the latter is sensitive, irreconcilable to evil, then the man is courageous, capable of bearing responsibility for his loved ones and defending the Motherland.

The task of parents is to create conditions in the family for the mental education and development of children. It is important to teach children to observe natural phenomena, compare objects and phenomena, highlight similar and different.

A special place in family education is occupied by the period of preparing children for school. Preschool age is a fertile period for the formation of learning motivation.

So, the attention of parents to the child’s school affairs will help him understand learning as a duty, an obligation and form a responsible attitude towards learning. Whether the family will be able to support the child’s cognitive interest and independence in the first year of schooling, his success in academic work in subsequent grades depends on this. The family's tasks become more complicated as the child grows and moves from grade to grade.

Educational potential of the family

There are families with different educational potential.

Based on this criterion, 10 family types are distinguished (G.M. Minkovsky):

1) educationally strong;

2) educationally stable;

3) educationally unstable;

4) educationally weak with loss of contact with children and control over them;

5) educationally weak with a constantly conflicting atmosphere;

6) educationally weak with an aggressive-negative atmosphere;

7) marginal with alcohol, sexual demoralization, etc.;

8) delinquent;

9) criminal;

10) mentally burdened.

In families of the first type, the educational environment is close to optimal. Its main feature is the high moral atmosphere of the family as a whole.

The second type of family creates generally favorable opportunities for education, and difficulties and shortcomings that arise in the family are overcome with the help of other social institutions, primarily the school.

The third type of family is characterized by the incorrect pedagogical position of the parents, which is nevertheless leveled out thanks to the relatively high overall educational potential of the family.

The fourth type unites families where parents, for various reasons, are unable to properly raise their children, have lost control over their behavior and interests, and have ceded their influence to the society of their peers.

The remaining types are negative, and even criminogenic, from a socio-pedagogical point of view. The risk of delinquency among minors who are brought up in an environment of constant and acute conflicts and in mentally burdened families is higher than that of those who grow up in pedagogically strong and stable families. The point is not only in neglect, but also in the fact that children perceive the behavior of older family members as normal, ordinary, emotionally identify with their parents and reproduce stereotypes of their behavior, without thinking about how correct they are from the point of view of society.

A disharmonious family is a risk factor for the unfavorable development of a child’s personality. There are several options for psychological ill-being:

– families where one of the members suffers from a neuropsychiatric disorder or chemical dependence (for example, alcoholism);

– actually disharmonious families, in which the main problem is the relationship between family members.

The literature identifies various types of disharmonious families: actually disharmonious; destructive; disintegrating and broken families as stages of transition from harmony to complete disintegration; rigid pseudo-solidary family; families in which the wrong type of education is practiced; difficult families, where the social situation of the child’s development is unpredictable, beyond his control and fraught with unpleasant surprises, when the child can never be sure that he will be able to receive parental support when he needs it, etc.

Children growing up in such families, as a rule, have low self-esteem, which is often masked by perfectionism, that is, an obsessive desire for perfection in all matters, controlling others, showing contempt for people, the appearance of feelings of guilt, shame; Their very ability to express their own feelings and understand the feelings of other people is reduced.

44.​ Family conflicts: specifics, causes, methods of resolution.

Family conflicts are diverse. These include conflicts between spouses, parents, children, and intergenerational conflicts between representatives of the younger and older generations. Conflicts in the family between its members arise regarding the performance of family functions, psychological contradictions, different understandings of family goals and development tasks of each generation, and the system of family values ​​of family members. Family conflict is perceived and managed by family members as a divergence, a clash of their interests, goals and needs.

Each of us can identify several reasons that cause frequent conflicts in the family:

* different views on family life;

* unmet needs and empty expectations;

* drunkenness of one of the spouses;

* infidelity;

* disrespectful attitude towards each other;

* reluctance to participate in raising children;

* household unsettledness;

* disrespect for relatives;

* reluctance to help around the house;

* differences in spiritual interests;

* mismatch of temperaments;

* jealousy, etc.

These are not all the reasons that cause conflicts in the family. Most often there are several reasons.

Ways to resolve family conflicts

Conflicts have existed and will exist; they are an integral part of human relations. They arise due to differences between people, due to the fact that the actions, ideas, and feelings of each of us are not the same and sometimes come into conflict with each other.

Based on the work of David Johnson, we can propose one of the possible models of behavior for resolving a conflict situation.

The following factors play an important role in constructive conflict resolution:

Adequacy of conflict reflection.

Often in a situation of conflict, we incorrectly perceive our own actions, intentions and positions, as well as the actions, intentions and points of view of our opponent. Typical reflections of perception include:

Categorical - seeing the relationship with a spouse in “black and white colors”. If a problem is identified in some aspect of the marriage, you are inclined to believe that the marriage is doomed. And vice versa, if there is progress in any area of ​​the relationship, then you are completely calm about the marriage as a whole.

Pessimism - You notice and attach importance only to the negative aspects and ignore the positive aspects of your married life. Your forecasts for your future together are quite gloomy.

Subjectivism - you ignore what is completely understandable, focusing on “your own” facts. You are used to using your feelings as evidence of something.

Frivolity - You are sure that the problem does not exist or that individual facts that occur do not have any significance for your marriage.

Idealism - you have a romantic outlook on life. Your expectations for yourself, your partner, and your marriage in general are not realistic.

Unrealistic demands - You demand your spouse to be the way YOU want him to be. The most common words in your vocabulary are “should” and “must”.

Comfort orientation - You view marriage as a tool for satisfying only your needs and increasing the level of only your comfort.

Getting stuck - you become fixated on one, often negative, event and subsequently view your relationship with your spouse through the “prism” of this event.

Fatalism - You refuse to change anything in your marriage not because everything suits you, but because “nothing can be changed.” The principle “what will be will be.”

Conservatism - You view marriage as an established stereotype of relationships. External influences cause you anxiety. The thought that something needs to change is fear.

Sacrifice - You view marriage from the perspective of sacrifice and the need to constantly sacrifice something: to save the marriage, for the sake of someone or something. A classic example: for the sake of the children. The main mistake is that children, accepting your way of relationships, implement it in their families, dooming themselves to the same role of “victim” (the principle of negative programming).

In any conflict, both partners experience so-called mixed feelings. On the one hand, everyone feels hostility, anger or hatred towards the other, a desire for the opponent to give up his position, on the other hand, opponents have more benevolent feelings generated by the totality of previous relationships, as well as a desire for mutual understanding and agreement.

Knowing this, in a conflict situation you need to carefully analyze your feelings in specific cases.

Openness and efficiency of communication between conflicting parties;

This is the main condition for constructive conflict resolution. In this regard, sometimes it makes sense at the very beginning of a conflict to take a risk and express to each other as fully as possible, even in a harsh form, what you feel.

At this very moment there is no point in trying to decide something; the main thing is not to offend or humiliate your partner.

Mutual expression of feelings can help create the conditions for using communication to constructively exchange ideas. And also, you should avoid threats, lies, attempts to manipulate your partner, because these actions are dictated by the desire to get the upper hand over the enemy, and not to achieve mutual agreement.

Creating a climate of mutual trust and cooperation.

The conflict is resolved more effectively if both parties are interested in achieving some common result that encourages cooperation.

45.​ Family and child: age dynamics of relationships.

A child goes through certain stages in his development, but his parents also go through one natural stage after another, and each stage has its own specific task, features, dangers, and difficulties.

1. During the period of expecting a child, the internal work that is associated with the awareness of one’s new life tasks is extremely important. Problematic parental positions may be associated with inadequate motivation for the birth of a child: prescribing a special psychological task for the child - associating with his birth the hope of solving any intra-family problems (keeping a man, holding the family together, reviving marital feelings, taking revenge on grandparents for too strict upbringing, etc. .p.) or replenishment of an emotional deficit - a vacuum of feelings formed in a woman

2. Newborn. Mutual close “looking”, physical contact, stroking, touching contribute to the emergence in all family members of a special warm attitude towards the child, which is stable and has a developmental effect in the long term.

3. Infancy. In the first year of life, parents not only care for the child and satisfy his basic vital organic needs for food, sleep, warmth, comfort, etc. Direct emotional communication with an adult (primarily with the mother) forms the basis of mental development in infancy. By exchanging expressions of attention, joy, interest and pleasure from interaction, the child and parent are in a situation of inextricable emotional unity. The parent is sympathetic to the emergence of tendencies to act independently, to the fragmentation of emotional unity, to the psychological separation of the child from the adult.

4. Early age. The parent supports and approves the child’s new abilities to move independently – walking, running, climbing and descending stairs. The most important achievements in mental development in early childhood are associated with the development of social functions and ways of acting with objects. An adult acts as a subject of situational business communication, cooperation, as a role model, leader, controller, and also a source of emotional support. In the second or third year of life, new types of activity of the child arise - playful, productive... It is necessary to encourage the activity, independence of the child as a subject of communication and cognition, his tendency towards a volitional form of behavior (“I myself”).

5. Preschool age. Preschool age is a sensitive period for the development of imaginative cognition of the surrounding world: perception, visual-figurative thinking, imagination. Children are curious and ask many questions about the life of animals, the causes of natural phenomena, and the internal structure of objects.

6. Junior school age. The task of parents is to promote the child’s perception of future enrollment in school as a desirable and significant event, evidence of growing up; contribute to the creation of a real image of the school and the right attitude towards educational activities - an attitude of taking responsibility. When helping a child in solving one of the main tasks of primary school - the formation of the “ability to learn”, it is necessary to draw his attention to highlighting the educational task (what exactly needs to be mastered), the use of suitable educational actions (methods, methods of understanding and learning), planning skills, self-control and self-esteem.

Family education of a child and its importance is a very important topic for every person. Raising a father and mother in tandem has tremendous successes, consequences and results, in contrast to raising children in single-parent families or without parents at all. You can understand and realize the seriousness of this topic only years later, after analyzing and drawing conclusions, looking at your child. But no one wants to miss the most important moments in shaping the life path of our heirs. It is for this reason that in this article every parent will be able to learn a couple of useful tips and recommendations for raising children together.

What should be noted first? So this is that our children are our complete reflection and copy. And then you don’t need to be surprised by their complex character or poor upbringing, because our kids take everything from us.

Family education of a child and its significance

1. A successful child requires investment and investment in oneself.
2. Do you swear in front of your child?! Make peace with him
3. Bad cop and good cop are not an option
4. Your own example is the best teacher

A successful child requires investment and investment in oneself.

We all know that an empty seed will not grow into a good tree. That is, in order for our children to grow up purposeful, active, successful and generally developed, they need to be taken care of. Yes, children require a lot of investment in the form of investing your time, effort, and money in them in the end. First you need to learn to walk with them, then read, then love and respect family, people and life. And without effort, as they say, you can’t even pull a fish out of the pond. The project in which both parents invest will be successful. This applies to participation both in education and in pastime. If parents work together, and not separately, then the chances of raising a good person increase greatly.

Do you swear in front of your child?! Make peace with him.

This recommendation is that you need to show your child not only bad emotions and incidents, but also good ones. The very first negative associations that may appear in a child’s head are family quarrels and scandals from which, unfortunately, there is no escape. Let's think about how they can be smoothed out in the eyes of a child? Very simple! Show him your reconciliation. After all, you must admit that you can sort things out in the presence of a baby (although this is a very bad habit), but making peace in the marital bed in his presence is not. That is, the child saw a quarrel, but no reconciliation. Get into the habit of showing all your emotions in front of your child, since you can’t hide the bad ones. Do not hide from your child your expressions of affection, tenderness, love and even passion for each other. This way he will always know that in his home there is love between his parents and for him as well. Love is the most important feeling that should surround a baby from birth like a kind of vacuum.

Bad cop and good cop are not an option.

All parents want their children to love them equally. Why do you think some of you are loved more and others less? Yes, because in almost every family there is an unspoken game “Bad Cop and Good Cop” that parents play. One scolds, the second regrets, one forbids, the second allows. But that's wrong! Both parents should be loved and respected to the same extent. Otherwise, this model of behavior can play a bad joke for one of the two. For example, for someone who is the weak link, who is not obeyed, and who does not have authority in the eyes of the child. And also do not forget that in his future life the child will copy the same model of behavior in his future family.