Child development 10 year old boy. Not yet a teenager: the calmest time in a boy's life

20.10.2019

The best education is the personal example of an adult. For a boy, ideally, he should be his father and his closest circle - grandfather, brother, teacher, coach...

However, the reality is that a boy in preschool age, when the foundations of his gender-role behavior are being laid, is not surrounded by men at all. Women work almost everywhere in the field of education, the number of single-parent families has increased, and in two-parent families the male father is often present only formally.

Some dads withdraw themselves from the process of raising a boy, considering it a woman’s job, and show lack of initiative, not knowing what to do with the baby. Others themselves are infantile, so they can do little to help in the development of masculine qualities. And it happens that a father would be happy to raise a boy, spend time with his son, teach him something, but his workload does not allow it, because he needs to think about the future of the family.

However, mothers should not be discouraged, even if the responsibility for raising their sons lies with them. You just need to correctly organize the process of raising a boy from the very beginning, following the 8 “golden” rules:

1. Raising a boy: do not limit freedom!

In order for a mother to cultivate masculine qualities in her son, he must sometimes be raised differently from what is more convenient, simpler, and calmer for her. First of all, you need to make sure that the boy’s upbringing shapes his character. And for this, mother very often has to reconsider her views on life, attitudes, fight her fears, and “break” stereotypes developed over the years.

What picture can be observed more and more often in modern families? Accuracy, caution, and diligence are cultivated in boys. And then the mother reaps the fruits of her and grandmother’s “muslin upbringing”: growing up, the son cannot fight back the offender, overcome difficulties, and does not want to strive for anything. And parents do not understand where this weakness of will in their child came from.

However, it is precisely these qualities that are invested in a boy from early childhood with the words “Don’t run - you’ll fall”, “Don’t climb, it’s dangerous there”, “Don’t do it - you’ll get hurt”, “Don’t touch it, I’ll do it myself” and other “don’t...”. Will such upbringing of a boy develop initiative and responsibility?

Of course, mother and grandmother can be partly understood, especially when the child is the only and long-awaited one. They are afraid that something might happen to the baby. However, these fears also hide selfish considerations. An easy-going child is much more comfortable; you don’t have to adapt to him. It is much easier to feed a two-year-old child yourself than to watch him spread porridge on a plate. It’s faster to dress a four-year-old yourself than to wait while he fiddles with buttons and laces. It’s calmer when your son walks next to you and holds your hand, rather than running around the playground, trying to get lost from sight. Indulging our impulses, we do not think about the consequences.

Raising a boy in this way distorts male nature itself, affecting the mental and physical health of boys. They develop fears, sometimes turning into somatic problems (stuttering, nervous tics, allergies, breathing problems, frequent illnesses), low self-esteem is formed, and problems develop in communicating with other children. Often the opposite situation arises: a boy may begin to “defend” himself from the pressure of parental care with aggressive behavior, thus expressing childish rebellion.

Of course, getting rid of habits is not easy, but you need to understand that a child without the help of his parents will not become the person he would like. To do this, he needs the help of adults and certain conditions. Do not limit the child’s freedom of movement during a walk, do not take him away from small “dangers” (a conflict in the sandbox with a peer, climbing over a low fence, etc.), but help him overcome difficulties, encourage him.

2. Raising a boy. The child must have a role model

Regardless of whether a boy is being raised by a single mother or he is growing up in a full family, one must try to ensure that the image of a man, which is quite attractive to a boy’s perception, is present in the life of the family.

Until the baby has grown up, he is quite happy that his mother spends most of the time with him, but after 3 years, when the child is separated from his mother both physically and personally, the boy begins to show more and more interest in men: dad, uncle , grandfather. And by the age of 6, it becomes extremely necessary for him to spend time with adult men, imitating them and imitating their behavior. And here the mother should make sure that her son has someone to communicate with.

Joint leisure time with his father helps the boy decide in life, understand who he is. After all, only through communication with the father and other men does the child master the norms of male behavior and form his own opinion. And the sooner dad starts raising his son, the faster he will develop a male stereotype of behavior.

But what to do if dad is not around? In this case, the mother needs to find among relatives or friends a person who could appear in the boy’s life at least from time to time. For example, you can take the baby to grandpa for the weekend and leave them to solder, plan and craft together. And when the baby grows up, you should find him a sports section or club, the leader of which is a man who really loves his job.

In addition, the image of a real man for your boy can be found not only among real people. Imaginary characters are also quite suitable for this purpose. It is enough to find a book hero whom your son would like to emulate, hang a photograph of a brave grandfather on the wall, and talk about your ancestors and their courageous deeds. In other words, it is necessary to create a microclimate for the son that is conducive to his development as a man.

3. You can only raise a real man in a stable atmosphere

First of all, a boy (as well as a girl) needs love and harmony in the family. A father should not be afraid to show affection to his son. With such things he will not spoil the child, but will form his basic trust in the world and confidence in his loved ones. To love means to be not indifferent to the problems and feelings of a child, to see him as a person. A boy raised sensitively and consistently grows up to be open, calm, confident in his abilities, capable of empathy and expression of emotions.

4. Teach your boy to express his feelings freely

It is important that there is no prohibition on expressing feelings in the family. Crying is a natural manifestation of stress. So you shouldn’t follow stereotypes and scold the boy for crying. You just need to treat them as a signal that the child is feeling bad, and not suppress his emotions, but teach him to express them, if possible, in a different way.

5. Openly admit your mistakes.

How to raise a real man? Of course, show by personal example that you should always be responsible for your words. Fathers and mothers must be critical of themselves. If necessary, admit they are wrong and ask for forgiveness from their son, this will only strengthen their authority by showing justice.

6. Build your child’s empathy skills

Nurture moral qualities in the boy. While still a preschooler, he can understand and do a lot, from helping his mother around the house to respecting older people in transport. This behavior should be presented as the norm. Putting away the dishes, making the bed, giving up your seat for your grandmother on the bus - this is normal for a future man.

7. When raising a boy, encourage him to be independent.

In the development of a boy, pay great attention to his independence. Let him sometimes feel his importance and freedom. In the future, this will help him become happy and successful, and realize his potential to the fullest. Boys tend to strive for self-affirmation and leadership. This is very important for their further development. Therefore, we must encourage the son’s desire to make his own choices, think independently, and remind him that he is responsible for his actions.

8. Take your child to sports clubs

Children need physical activity for full physical development. While the child is small, you need to walk with him more, let him run, jump, fall, climb, and explore the world under the strict guidance of his parents. Later, you should allocate time in your son’s weekly schedule for a sports section, where he could improve his physical capabilities and feel strong, dexterous, and self-confident.

We agree in advance

Moms should take note of one “secret” in the relationship between father and child. Fathers are often afraid to stay with their baby for a long time because they feel insecure. Therefore, make the leisure time between dad and child as specific as possible.

For example, say: “Tomorrow I’ll be out on business for a couple of hours. Let’s figure out what you could do with your baby.” Or: “On Saturday you will finally be able to build the hut that our boy has long dreamed of.” This way you will give the man a chance to mentally prepare for communicating with a toddler.

P.S. When communicating with a child, mothers and fathers should not be afraid of being funny, awkward or unsuccessful. Children, as you know, forgive their parents everything except falsehood and indifference.

Star parents

Dmitry Dyuzhev and Vanya (5 years old)

“The best method of raising a boy is love, I hug my son endlessly and kiss him! My wife and I are raising self-sufficiency in Van; we want him not only to be calm and confident, but also to love people. And, of course, you shouldn’t be overprotective. Let him spoil the carpets if necessary, let him get into the ink, let him try the sand - there’s no need to ban him.”

Alisa Grebenshchikova and Alyosha (5 years old)

“Alyosha grows up in a large family, where everyone has their own role. He sees how women behave, what they do. Our grandmother is responsible for comfort. He plays men's games with his grandfathers. Once my son and I went to the store, and I invited him to choose any toy. Alyosha chose a chainsaw. He was 4 years old. “I will cut wood,” said the son. The fact is that he saw his grandfather doing this at the dacha, who also removes leaves and cleans snow. Alyosha understands that all this is part of a man’s responsibilities.”

Upbringing has a decisive influence on a child's character. Only studying the individual characteristics of a child will make it possible to further educate and re-educate his character and obtain the desired result. Raising a 10-year-old child is a rather difficult process. Children at the age of 10 already carefully observe the lives of their parents, analyze and try on all the actions of adults.

The main problems of youth education

The world for young people sometimes turns out to be quite difficult. A ten-year-old child may have a friend, but relationships at school often become competitive and difficult. More advanced children may be influenced by friends in their social circle. Often children deliberately isolate themselves from spending time with their family. In the process of raising a 10-year-old child, an adult must remember that at this age he begins to form both psychologically and physiologically. Children at this age are spreading their wings, and parents need to allow them to express their independence.

The main problem in raising young people is that at this age children’s behavior deteriorates sharply. They are stubborn, pugnacious, deliberately show themselves from the worst side, and show undisguised aggression. Children are trying in every way to show their independence, trying to free themselves from control and guardianship from adults. Intrafamily relationships also have a huge impact on the formation of individuality during this period.

When raising a 10-year-old child, adults may feel an emotional cooling that manifests itself in the relationships of daughters with fathers, and sons with mothers. In single-parent families, all the efforts of one parent are directed towards the child. And this can cause emotional and psychological problems.

Ways to develop the character of a 10-year-old child

A ten-year-old child will be glad if adults consider him old enough to solve some of his own life problems.

However, a child will certainly not be able to organize life completely correctly without the help of his parents. Therefore, during a conversation with a child, an adult must find a solution that will suit everyone.

In the process of raising a 10-year-old child, you can ask him to draw up a plan that will include the time needed for hobbies, recreation, schoolwork and household chores.

To develop a child’s character, it is advisable to single out two or three things to do. He will ensure that these specific tasks are completed, such as cleaning his room. However, you should not overload the child, otherwise he will not cope with the task, and this will cause a storm of protest.

When raising a 10-year-old child, you should not follow his every step, as at an earlier age. But during this period, parents need close contact with teachers, with the school, with their daughter’s or son’s friends.

To achieve the desired behavior, it is important that the child himself wants it. When a child develops a desire for change, we need to help him choose the right path to correct his behavior. At the same time, you need to carefully monitor the successes of your son or daughter, and if necessary, help him, encourage him, constantly support his desire to change, faith in his own strength.

When parents, in the process of raising a child for 10 years, allow him everything and do not object to him in anything, then as a result he may grow up to be a narcissistic, stubborn egoist who will not recognize any authorities.

At this age, children pay a lot of attention to their clothes and hairstyle. Therefore, it is very important to instill in them the correct understanding of elegance during this period. It is necessary to explain to the child that the basis of elegance is neatness, simplicity and the ability to choose clothes so that they perfectly emphasize individuality.

The child is entering a difficult period both physically and emotionally. Body changes occur, adult features are formed, metabolism is rebuilt, which leads to emotional instability and vulnerability. Parents need to show a lot of patience and understanding to their children during this period.

Entering the early phase of puberty is easy for the child himself. Changes in the body, some clumsiness and angularity lead to the child experiencing complexes. Hence the tightness, embarrassment, changes in behavior, and even outbursts of anger and aggression. At this age, children move away from their parents and become more and more independent. However, even without admitting it, at 11 years old children still need support, approval and advice from their parents.

At this age, thinking, intellectual abilities, logic and abstract thinking actively develop. Children are quite capable of planning their affairs and calculating their actions, and understand the consequences arising from them. Nowadays, social interaction is important for children; what comes first is not academic success, but the opinion of the child and his abilities from the team and others. Gradually, interest in the opposite sex also appears, although contacts are still more active with children of the same sex.

Features of raising children at 11 years old

Now the child cares about public approval and his hard work is at its peak.

At this age, it is important to instill a love of work and helping others, to develop talents, culinary abilities, and a passion for needlework. In raising a girl, first of all, you need to pay attention to everyday issues - the need for all possible assistance to adults, maintaining order and caring for younger children and animals. Equally important is the upbringing of high moral qualities in a girl. At this age, the time comes to talk about sex education, intimacy and the consequences of rash steps. It is important to become a girl’s friend so that she can trust you with the most delicate and serious secrets.

Boys are somewhat behind girls in development at puberty. Therefore, at this age they can still be passionate about cars and games, while girls are already thinking about love. However, it is important to know how to properly raise an 11-year-old boy in order to instill in him high moral qualities - responsibility, care for loved ones and the weaker, loyalty and honesty. Parents need to know that the basis of education is their own positive example of relationships in the family, between friends and colleagues. Children copy our behavior and attitude towards the world.

Psychology of 11-year-old children

Features of the psychology of children at this age are changes in appearance that coincide with character measurements. Sometimes children themselves cannot understand what is happening to them; aggression and cruelty can arise from self-doubt and internal experiences. In many ways, the psychology of an 11-year-old boy differs from that of a girl, since the timing of their development is not synchronous. During this period, girls experience nervousness, tearfulness and resentment associated with changes in appearance. While boys at this age add fuel to the fire by teasing girls and paying attention to their appearance, sticking offensive nicknames.

At this age, the desire for independence and making adult decisions begins, but you need to understand how independent an 11-year-old boy or a girl his age should be. Children of this age can easily be left alone at home, looking after the younger ones and doing simple housework. In addition to doing homework independently, communicating on social networks, going for walks, and so on, children must take care of themselves completely - wash and iron their things, prepare simple food for themselves, maintain full body and hair hygiene, and provide first aid for minor injuries or cuts.

Symptoms of crisis in eleven-year-old children

In the period after about 10 years, a special age crisis is formed. It arises due to internal and external changes that form a special tension in the nervous system, which results in changes in behavior and relationships with family and friends. Often, the transitional age for boys at the age of 11 is manifested by problems in learning, disobedience, scandals and quarrels with parents. Girls are not far behind at this age; their behavior also leaves much to be desired; they try to prove their maturity through whims and hysterics. As a result, this leads to tension in relations with parents. You need to go through such a period by treating the child as tactfully and delicately as possible, becoming his friend and winning his trust. Then it will be easier for you to understand what is happening.

The main problems of youth education

Ways to develop the character of a 10-year-old child

A ten-year-old child will be glad if adults consider him old enough to solve some of his own life problems.

In the process of raising a 10-year-old child, you can ask him to draw up a plan that will include the time needed for hobbies, recreation, schoolwork and household chores.

Physiology of a ten to eleven year old child

Ten to eleven years is the time preceding. This period proceeds differently for everyone, for some it is more or less painless, but for others this process is psychologically difficult. It is accompanied by both changes in appearance and character. And nothing can be done here, because you can’t argue with nature. Many children are embarrassed by the physiological changes happening to them, and the task of parents is to prepare the child for those metamorphoses that are about to completely change his body.

Just Marina

I’ll say right away that the child is not mine, but my close friend’s.
8 year old girl, 2nd grade.
been there many times!!! spotted taking money from father/mother
1) I found a stash in a book and took it for myself, they found 5000 bills on the child
2) the father left money for his wife, even if it was on the table, the child took it and returned it for 300 rubles. less, throwing the rest into mom's bag
3) mom returned 1000 rubles to dad - the child at some point took it from his father’s clothes pocket
4) the day before yesterday dad stayed with the child, mom was on a business trip (this is important)
the child pulled out 1000 rubles from his pants pocket, the father noticed quickly, because I went to the store half an hour after this moment, and this was all done in front of my father’s eyes, the child was fussing around next to the clothes (in the afternoon) (((
the conversation was serious (in the evening), without mom!!! (she was away)
The child did NOT return the money, she said that she spent it!!!
I can’t wrap my head around how an 8-year-old child can spend 1000 rubles in a couple of hours.
I told my friend that we need to look into it thoroughly, that this could be something serious...
I'm waiting for advice from the forum on what to do?
I was raised in such a way that you can’t take anything that belongs to others, including from bags/pockets, my child is the same ((((
If I don't answer right away, sorry
I'll read everything!!!

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Psychology of a child aged ten to eleven

Psychologically, by the age of ten, a child has noticeably matured. He is about to begin to rebel in any of its manifestations. It is very easy to lose authority. If you give up somewhere or, conversely, go too far, the thin psychological thread that connects you with your child will break. The paradox of this age is that a teenager is more susceptible to the influence of strangers than his own parents. And many, many people influence him.

As a rule, at ten or eleven years old, a child becomes more interested in the company of peers than in yours. You should not forbid your child to communicate with someone you don’t like, criticize friends, and generally excessively express negative emotions towards those around your offspring. You can be sure that everything will be done exactly the opposite - simply out of a sense of contradiction. Even if you don’t like someone in your child’s company, try to calmly tell him about it. The wording “I forbid you to communicate with him” is categorically not suitable. On the contrary, emphasize that you respect his choice, but ask him to pay attention to some character traits that, in your opinion, do not really correspond to the status of a boyfriend or girlfriend.

10 years is the right time for sports training. This option (provided that the place where you are going to send your son or daughter is proven and worthy) is close to ideal. At camp, your child is both independent and supervised. You can combine business with pleasure and send your child to a specialized camp - a sports camp or one that specializes in learning foreign languages.

Advice for parents of ten or eleven year old children

Try to come to terms with the fact that your child is gradually moving away from you, do not try to tie him to you by force. A certain degree of control is certainly necessary. But you shouldn’t respond to aggression with aggression. A child who actively asserts his own “I” can be convinced of anything only through negotiations. Give advice, but don't be intrusive. Be persistent, but don't push too hard - the effect will be exactly the opposite. Come up with some joint activities that will be interesting for both you and your child. It happens that the parents of a friend or girlfriend are more respected by the child than his own. The reasons can be very different: from the personal qualities of other people's parents to the fear that the child experiences in front of his own. At ten or eleven years old, a person is already quite mature, and relationships with him largely depend on the ability of those who are older to cooperate.