But as soon as he has too much to eat, he can begin to make such pretzels that your initial sympathy is replaced by malicious triumph: so what are you, a reindeer?! Now we know, we know what you are capable of and what you are capable of! So you showed your true colors! So you gave yourself away!

And popular psychology and the general psychological advancement of society, compared to the times when Freudianism was called a harmful bourgeois science, has only strengthened this very revealing effect of a well-drunk citizen. A person has a subconscious, a person has secret desires and carefully hides his true essence. In a state of alcoholic intoxication, he loses volitional control over himself, and this essence immediately manifests itself and begins to exist in full. So, that means we brought him to pure vodka...

A question arises, the answer to which is not as obvious as it might initially seem: if a good person, from whom you will never hear a bad word, under the influence of intoxicating drink suddenly begins to make everyone look three-story, then can we say that three-story is his true essence? If, under the influence of alcohol, a good citizen comes out of such a situation that he would never have thought of, then can we consider that this is his true self?

Many of you probably already have a ready answer. And I know that it depends very much on three things. The first of them is the closeness of the person with whom you experienced a similar story. If the person is random, unfamiliar to you or unfamiliar at all, then no problems usually arise - they call him a bastard, and that’s the end of it. But if this is a person whom you have known for many years, and who, drunk, gave you such advances that your head went dark, then it is not easy to come up with a clear explanation for this phenomenon. And if your beloved or loved one expressed everything he thinks about you in a drunken shop, and the next day either cannot understand what came over him, or does not remember anything at all, then what to think and what to do in this case? Don't get divorced, after all. It seemed like we were living in perfect harmony, and then – you, fascist, get a grenade!

The second answer depends on who the drunkard commits his atrocities against. And if some lady expressed to some citizen everything that she thinks about him, or put a vase with lettuce on his head, then everything seems to be fine. But if she said or dressed the same thing to us, then we are inclined to admit that she has a secret malicious essence.

And the third version of your theory depends on exactly what actions the person committed on the scale of generally accepted moral values ​​and norms of behavior. As a rule, if a person, having gotten drunk, suddenly softens, becomes sentimental, more responsive and tender, then the presence of a true essence is not allowed, and everything is attributed to the effect of alcohol. But as soon as we receive slaps in the face or unflattering remarks addressed to us, a terrible suspicion immediately arises about the true essence that has just revealed itself.

And here it is impossible not to note this amazing phenomenon of people’s attitude to the influence of alcohol: if aggravation leads to good deeds, then this is all because the vodka is good, but if it leads to bad actions, then this is a bad person. Now listen to my version of the answer. When intoxicated, no true essence appears. This is my firm belief. Just as no true essence appears in any way in dreams. I have no reason to think that if a person drank and started singing songs, then his true essence stands somewhere next to Kobzon. In the same way, I have no reason to believe that just because a person swore at someone or showed some strange manners, then this is his essence. Cursing or singing songs is not a very meaningful entity, right?

In fact, in a state of alcoholic intoxication, a person shows only those aspects of his personality that he constantly suppresses: due to some of his beliefs, or at the request of society. This could be aggressiveness, incontinence in feelings, emotions and thoughts, sexual liberation. A drunk person, unlike a sober person, may use more obscene language, begins to express to others everything that he thinks about them, and allows tactless and offensive phrases. He stops caring what they think of him and how they look at him. He behaves in a way that he would never allow himself to behave in all other cases.

Many people are called “restrained” precisely because they constantly hold something back. And when they don’t like something, they prefer to keep silent about it. Each of you, without exception, does this in relation to certain situations and people. Their containment is based on very strong volitional control, which is controlled consciously. However, if this restraint is trained for a long time, then such behavior becomes automatic, and the person very often does not notice that he was offended by something, that he did not like something. This is suppressed, since his reaction to any unpleasant situations is blocked.

And all this suppressed and deeply hidden is not the essence, it’s just that a person was raised that way, or he himself, in the process of growing and maturing, internalized such a model as optimal. Moreover, society itself encourages such behavior: it is indecent to notice and talk about many things that you notice, and it is not customary to express your negative thoughts and feelings. As a result, you yourself begin to think that remaining silent will be better than speaking out.

So, if someone constantly suppresses free emotional expression in themselves, then as soon as volitional control is weakened (the same effect of alcohol, drugs, in which volitional control and criticism of one’s behavior is either partially or completely lost) - oops! The entire stagnant center of emotions jumps out like a jack-in-the-box. Hello I'm your aunt! Well, bitches, weren’t you waiting?!

And this is not the true essence of the person to whom this happens, but a psychological problem of both the person with whom this happened and our entire society as a whole. In many cases, the control is so strong that a person, immediately after this has happened to him, either completely forgets about what is happening (amnesia for a traumatic event), or cannot understand (quite sincerely!) how this could happen to him. And the alcoholic denouement can be a great shock both for the one who suffered and for the one who “showed his true essence,” since he would be happy never to show it anywhere and he himself suffers from the fact that it has in him place to be.

What is true when you see one side of a person and the other? Of course, what is true is what you see constantly, day after day: this is the person himself. But everything that happens to him in a state of loss of control does not characterize him in any way. In one second of time a person experiences a certain amount of emotions. In itself it is not critical, and if he expresses them, it will not hurt you in any way.

Today a small insult, tomorrow a small disagreement, a little every day. But if such emotions are accumulated for six months, then their flow can turn out to be a mud bath. By the way, for a person who is experiencing psychological problems, such a release can be simply priceless. Basic physics: put a lid on a boiling pot and it will eventually explode. But to say that the pressure in this cauldron is the true essence of a person?! No, my friends!

What is true is what you see every day - what you like, what you love and appreciate. Two small but very important final comments. Here is the first of them: if a person in a state of alcoholic intoxication is attacked by terrible kindness and humanism, then this is also not his true essence. So I'm not repeating the vodka bottle doublethink I mentioned earlier.

Second: Volitional control and the basic regulatory mechanisms of behavior, as a rule, are not fully conscious, and are more similar to automatisms: you can be aware of them, but there is no special need for this, just as you do not need to be aware of the process of opening a door or stirring borscht in a saucepan. That is, this control is passive and the person does not attach any importance to it. However, there is also active control, when a person carefully ensures that he never loses it under any circumstances. Such a person can drink a lot, or as much as he likes, but he will never show everything that he consciously puts a ban on. You can feed such a person endlessly, but you will still get the wrong essence and the wrong thoughts that he carefully hides from you. And if a person decides to deceive you, then you either won’t get him drunk, or you will receive false information from him, which he will give you piecemeal, so that you think that this is a “drunk shop.” Well, the one who gave himself away completely is harmless, because all his antics and antics did not have the slightest intentional nature against you.

It's funny when we think we know someone, and then we disagree with that person and are surprised by his actions.

Suddenly, qualities that you had never noticed in him before come to the surface, the previously loved person becomes a stranger.

The reality is that no one changes a minute after a relationship ends. We just see a person differently.

For most short-lived relationships, there is a beginning, middle and end. We meet, spend time together to get to know each other, we enter into a relationship, and then it falls apart.

But the problem is not how we end our relationships, but how we begin them, which determines how well we get to know our partner.

We are conditioned to show the best qualities that we are most proud of because someone once told us that we might not be loved because of our dark, unattractive side of personality.

When we enter into a new relationship, we show off these beautiful aspects of ourselves, hoping that maybe that will be enough for someone to want to take us home.

But at this moment we are not who we really are.

Our true nature is hidden under the tinsel of smiles, flirting and falling in love. Our fears, mistakes, challenges and beliefs are aspects that not only determine who we are, but who is truly right for us (or not).

We are earthly beings; we are people. None of us are perfect.

When we end a relationship, our true selves come out because we no longer lock them in the basement for fear that our dirty secrets might come out and show the world who we really are.

The thing is, not every relationship that falls apart is destined to end.

Sometimes we need them to end to reveal a new level of intimacy and vulnerability that would not have existed if the walls that hid our true selves had not collapsed.

Relationships can end in bitter drama or love and friendship. Ideally, we can all reach this healing phase. Sometimes it's better for my partner and me to be friends, especially if the relationship isn't working out.

But when the relationship ends, both people really open up to each other.

When a relationship ends in fighting, yelling, manipulation, or coercion, we must understand that all these manifestations of cruelty were present in the partner before. We just didn't want to notice them.

It is in these moments that we realize that perhaps our relationship was more of a projection than a reality.

However, rarely when we break up with a partner do we realize that he was even better than when he was with us. Sometimes we are guilty of hiding behind walls or keeping the unique qualities that make us amazing a secret because we are too scared to allow someone into our heart.

When a relationship ends, we learn more not only about our partners, but also about ourselves. We learn to cope with conflict, struggle and disappointment. We see whether there was a friendly background to our relationship.

If we love and respect our partner, we will treat him the same after the breakup.

Perhaps this is how we learn not only who our partner really is, but also what love is.

It's very easy for people to tell you who they are and what they are about. However, you need to learn to read nonverbal cues if you want to see a person's true colors.

Nonverbal cues will help you know who you are dealing with in a particular situation. Say, are you in a romantic relationship and want to make sure your friend is loyal to you, but don't know how? Or maybe you are in a business relationship and want to have an element of trust between you, but can this be in a particular situation? How not to make a mistake?

Learning to read nonverbal signals

The step to understanding people and their motivations is to be able to read what they are trying to hide. Unfortunately, every person has something to hide. Although most of these things are harmless, there are still some of these little secrets that can be harmful to your relationship. To understand the meaning behind the secret door, you must learn a few basic strategies.

Here's an example. Lie

It's worth assuming that lying doesn't bother some people as much as others. Although there are still individuals who hate lying and try to minimize it. They are even more disgusted when they themselves are deceived. But, to be honest, there are those who lie as if unintentionally, without negative motivation, and there are also those who lie as easily as they breathe. Do you want to quickly get rid of these people?

The following indicators will help you decide whether you want to accept this intimate relationship or even this friendship. And let's not forget about partnerships where good financial investments are at stake. Here are 7 nonverbal cues that will help weed out bad people.

Eye movement and eye contact

First of all, the eyes are the portal of the soul. Have you heard of this before? Well, when someone is cheating, eye movements tend to give the person away. For example, a liar will look up and to the right. Experts have found that this movement indicates the use of imagination. And liars need to use these very weapons in order to invent stories, to fill the empty space with the truth.

On the other hand, random eye movements and looking to the left side touch the memory to remember the truth. Pay attention to this telltale sign. When it comes to eye contact, go to extremes here. When there is too little or too much of this contact, it may indicate a lie. A good balance is to look straight into the eyes, occasionally looking away. This demonstrates the person's honesty and reliability.

Head down, hands fiddling with clothes

This strange indicator does not always mean drowsiness or nervousness. In truth, when someone keeps their head down, it could mean that they are simply not interested in what you are saying or doing.

Additionally, when people fiddle with clothes or other things, it usually means that they have completely tuned out the conversation and are only thinking about getting it over with as quickly as possible. They may even feel uncomfortable.

Arms crossed on chest

This position usually indicates two things. Either the person you're dealing with is closing themselves off from you, or they're getting angry. If the first situation occurs, then perhaps the interlocutor does not like it when you learn something about him, or he does not trust you. If he's angry, then maybe you need to ask him why, in a good way, of course.

Sometimes this position can mean that the person is very shy, and after a relaxing conversation he may relax. Just be careful not to put too much pressure in this situation.

Strong handshakes

It's quite simple and easy to understand. Basically, the stronger the handshake, the more dominant the person will be.

Now keep in mind that some people use more pressure during this gesture when they feel their dominance is being challenged. So if it feels like they're trying to crush your hand, it could mean the exact opposite. Tough and strong is not the same as aggressive or tough.

Open mouth and smile

Regarding this position, there are several indicators. Smiles, for example, can be fake or real, depending on where the folds or wrinkles are present. If there is a fake smile, there will be wrinkles on the edge of the mouth. A real smile creates folds on both sides of the mouth and around the eyes.

Speech

Speaking too quickly usually indicates disorganization and confusion. Slow speech, on the other hand, usually means that the other person has low intelligence, although this is not always the case.

A stable, average speed indicates that the person is confident in his information and feels comfortable sharing it with you. It is also likely to be seen as honest speech.

Hands near your face or behind your back

If one hand is holding the other wrist either in front or behind your back, it means you are unsure or afraid of something. If you touch your face, it means that you are very interested.

When your hands touch your mouth while you speak, it means you are lying. If your hand covers your mouth when someone is speaking, you think the person is lying.

Remember who you are dealing with

While these nonverbal cues work great in most cases, you must remember that there are always exceptions. Despite what actions say, you must remember who is in front of you and what he represents.

Many of these signals can be misinterpreted because they sometimes have double meanings. It's worth noting that they're easy to use, but knowing your coworkers' personalities will also help. Just use common sense and past experience so you don't get fooled, and you'll be fine.

The woman is in great demand. How to meet and seduce men Gamayun Elena

Fatal mistakes in choosing a husband. How to recognize a man's true face

If all women, when choosing men, always chose first of all those who are essentially leaders and are able to properly support a family, then in a hundred years a new generation of people would grow up, much more intelligent and adapted to life.

ALEXEY VINOGRADOV

Many girls suffer because they cannot find their life partner, but there are a number of reasons why this does not happen... Some illusions and misunderstandings of the essence of family relationships and, of course, not understanding oneself have a strong influence on the fulfillment of your dreams !

Mistake No. 1. Inaccurate goal setting and lack of motivation.

You dream of getting married, but you haven’t really decided who and what you need! Perhaps you do not have the motivation to create strong and harmonious family relationships. What does this mean and what should I do?

Understand yourself: why do you need a family? For what? What does a strong family mean to you?

What kind of man do you see next to you?

The definition of “at least someone” does not fit! You must have clear criteria for your chosen one and an understanding of who exactly you want. If you have set yourself the goal of getting married, then you should not try to build a relationship with a married man. If you have clearly set a goal for your man to have a certain profession and have a certain income, then look for such a man among just such people. Do not live in the illusion that he will change, if this person does not coincide with your request at all - do not betray yourself and do not torture a man!

If you have made a decision, then you need to start acting, and not justify yourself by saying that “everything will work out on its own”... If you dream of getting married and at the same time do nothing in this direction, you continue to meet with the wrong men, endure resentment, while realizing that you are simply wasting time and dating him out of fear of being alone - all these are signs that you DO NOT WANT TO MARRY. Then either start acting, or don’t waste your energy on dreams. Maybe you just think you want to get married?

Mistake #2: This is not your person.

You've been dating for a while, you're wasting your energy, getting emotionally involved in the relationship, but what about him? He is in no hurry to propose to you. You are jealous and doubt yourself... You consider yourself perhaps not worthy to be his wife, you think about your shortcomings and blame yourself for everything, your own imperfection... And then, suddenly, he marries someone else!

This is a very difficult situation... Immediately - self-claims, resentment, pain.... I’m not talking now about all kinds of unworthy men, gigolos, pickup trucks and heartthrobs (we’ll talk about this later). You just need to understand whether it’s “he” or “not him”...

Let's analyze the man and answer a couple of questions.

Question #1:

Who initiates your meetings? Yes, a woman can sometimes wisely take the initiative and create intrigue... However, if there is a one-goal game all the time, this is an alarming signal!

Question #2:

What is its purpose? Why is he meeting with you? Face the truth and don't have your head in the clouds. And of course, often men themselves tell us why they are dating us. Yes! So openly! But we don't want to hear about it. We think, what if he falls in love, what if he understands... This is all, most likely, your fantasies and dreams.

The man who is “yours”, the one who wants to be your husband and is ready for this, is looking for a meeting with YOU! He respects you, is always ready to help, wants to be close to you, wants to please you and, of course, strives to be useful and necessary to you. Treat your loved ones with respect and NEVER leave you in trouble! Perhaps you already understand that the one you like, whom you may have fallen in love with, does not love you. Well, let him go and go meet your man!!!

Mistake No. 3. Love me like this!

Illusions about family life: he owes me!

Many girls believe that the family is a kind of vacation spot, an island of happiness, so to speak, in which SHE IS JUST AS WHO IS, AND HE IS THE ONE WHO SELFLESSLY DOES EVERYTHING FOR HER. Provides, tolerates all her whims, etc.

If you are only focused on such benefits and are not ready to invest in the relationship yourself, this is your mistake. Of course, relationships are called RELATIONSHIPS. This means mutual relationships, mutual love, mutual work, mutual care...

And of course, such attitudes as “I am who I am” or simply “I don’t want to improve as a woman” are popular; I’m fine as is. This is a cunning plan of our laziness - an attempt to leave everything as it is! But, unfortunately, such behavior does not lead to a happy marriage. Making the excuse that “I want to be natural,” sometimes a girl simply doesn’t want or doesn’t know how to discover new qualities useful for family life. He doesn’t know how to liberate himself, stop being afraid of everything, finally begin to show his femininity and show the world his true beauty...

Acquire useful knowledge in the field of relationships, learn the art of intimate communication, learn to cook well and keep yourself in order and, of course, start taking care of yourself and get rid of bad habits. In a family you invest, but you also receive, and the most important thing is, of course, love! But you also need to be able to maintain this love!

Mistake No. 4. Decline of Spirit and unbelief

Unbelief is a terrible enemy! This should be treated as a factor that greatly hinders you from achieving your goal! It happens that you simply don’t want to do anything, citing the fact that “nothing helps” or you simply don’t have enough patience and perseverance... maybe you’re tired. Yes, everyone has their own factors that hinder the achievement of the goal... And everyone has their own path. Sometimes some people just need more time to change, while others need less... Don’t complain or be sad! Perhaps right now the Higher Powers are studying your request and preparing you to meet your chosen one, but you have stopped believing. The main thing is to keep trying, and you will see that you will succeed!

If some man shows interest in you, and you are in the situation of choosing a chosen one, and it seems to you that he seems to meet your criteria, you begin to dream. Every woman undergoes such a process in her thoughts as idealizing her partner. Yes exactly! Each of you, and, of course, I went through this stage at one time. Seeing your chosen one, you begin to imagine him as an ideal man, assigning to him, perhaps, non-existent qualities.

The right approach is to put away all this daydreaming and face reality. And then, of course, there may be a surprise! However, it is better to find out the whole truth at once, and not to indulge yourself with false fantasies, to avoid disappointments and tears... Let's now figure out in detail what your man is like?

In fact, it is not at all difficult to understand what your chosen one is and what his intentions are. You just need to analyze his actions and words. Our table of classification of types of men will help you with this. You can be sure of its reliability - after all, it was compiled by qualified psychologists based on many years of experience working with participants in breviaries and master classes. Most of the girls and women who used the indicators of personality traits are already dating, and some even have serious relationships with worthy, generous and noble men whom they chose themselves!

Take this data to heart! Don’t be afraid to create situations for a man in which he will show himself as he really is! This is the only way you will know who you are going to connect your life with, and whether your union will be happy.

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How often can you hear from women during a crisis period in their relationship with a loved one: “It turns out that I didn’t know him at all!” or “He has changed so much - he is a completely different person!” Don't believe it - people don't change.

It’s just that this woman had rose-colored glasses from the very beginning and was unable to recognize the man’s true character. Meanwhile, it is very simple to do this. There are many indicators by which even at the earliest stage of a relationship you can find out what kind of person is in front of you, what he is like in reality, not externally, but internally.

Here are just a few such indicators:

Etiquette: first or second?

This can manifest itself in different ways, but it always does not indicate absence at all, but only one thing - selfishness. Is your partner the first through the door, the first to order food at a restaurant, the first to take a bite of the pie, the first to choose TV shows that only he likes? If he is always and everywhere first, then you should think about whether you only want to give in your family life, or whether you want to receive something else from your relationship.

Conversation: about him or about you?

This is already evident: does he talk about himself all the time or is he interested in your life too? If he is passionate primarily about himself, then don’t expect him to change later and start taking your interests into account. Such people believe that the world revolves around them, and you will have to constantly adapt to their interests and habits.

Strangers: are you kind to them or rude?

The way your partner treats unfamiliar people (salespeople, waiters, etc.) often reflects his attitude towards all people in general, including his parents, relatives, and how he will treat you after the candy has passed - bouquet period.

Animals: loving or cruel?

Believe it or not, the way your partner treats you can be an indication of how he will treat your children. As a rule, people who do not like animals and even treat them with cruelty will demonstrate similar behavior towards their pets, although this may not be so obvious at first. And vice versa - a person who is not able to raise his hand to a cat will not do this in relation to a child.

Money: spends or saves?

Does your loved one shower you with gifts at the candy-bouquet stage? This flatters any woman. But be on your guard: maybe he will just as thoughtlessly manage your joint finances? However, he is no better than a spender. Try to find a “golden mean” between these two extremes.

Politics: liberal or conservative?

The way your partner views politics and the structure of society as a whole can give you clues about the environment in which he grew up and in what way he will build his own family relationships. If he adheres to strict conservative views in politics, then he is unlikely to give you unlimited freedom yourself.

TV: series or news?

You can learn a lot about your partner's intellectual development simply by paying attention to what kind of television programs he prefers: "entertainment" that allows you to escape reality for a while, or problematic talk shows that allow you to gain a deeper understanding of aspects of life. However, if your tastes coincide with his, then there is no problem - the more interesting it will be for the two of you.

Stress: tightening up or unraveling?

Watch how he behaves under the pressure of unpleasant circumstances: does he gather into a spring or crumble into pieces? If he is not used to facing troubles head on, then any misunderstandings in your relationship will lead to a crisis. It is unlikely that you can live long with a person for whom drama or tragedy is the norm.

Priorities: family or work?

You can quickly find out your partner's preferences in this matter by simply observing where he starts the conversation: with problems at work or with the illness of one of his relatives. And also from the choice that he makes in a given situation. Are you sick and he has a meeting at work until late? Don’t think that this will go away with career growth, it can’t be fixed, work will always come first. And don’t be surprised later if your joint vacation is disrupted due to important contracts that will always be super important.

Appearance: fit or loose?

The way he feels about his own appearance may indicate his self-esteem and related complexes. You should be wary of deviations in both directions. Complete negligence and sloppiness, self-doubt or deliberate swagger, pumped-up muscles or an exotic outfit indicate either too low or excessively high self-esteem.

Principles and faith: strong or weak?

If what is important to you first of all is the soul in a person, then you need to pay attention first of all to what principles the person lives by. What a person believes in often shapes his life principles, according to which he lives every single day. You just need to focus not only on beautiful words, but also on actions, which can often diverge from words.

It only takes a little observation to understand the distinctive features of human behavior and habits. But when starting to “observe”, keep in mind that no – it’s only a matter of your acceptance or rejection of certain traits and norms of behavior. Sometimes the difference between your partner’s principles or norms of behavior and your own principles and norms can be perceived only as a piquant highlight of character. The main purpose of observation is to determine whether you can get along with these characteristics and norms, that is, with this “real” person.