Relationship with a girl younger than you. Is it worth getting involved in relationships with young people? What to do if a girl is younger than you How to build a relationship with a 15 year old girl

Traditionally relationship, in which a woman is significantly (15-30 years or more) younger than a man, was not condemned by anyone, and was considered a completely normal phenomenon. Moreover, when marrying their daughter off, parents, as a rule, tried to find an older man, experienced, strong, and personally and financially successful.

But times change, and today the image is contrary old guys, eager for a young girl’s body, captivating her in his tenacious financial embrace, has become very odious, many condemn such relationships. In cinema and modern literature, the prevailing opinion is that wonderful love impulses are fruitful only in youth, and it would be better for everyone to look for a partner according to their age.

At the same time, people accustomed think with their own heads, and not diligently catching current trends, they find many advantages in such relationships, looking at them impartially. A man receives from a woman what he needs - respect, humility, youthful energy, newness of sensations. A woman receives experience from an older man, an object worthy of respect and obedience, sufficient material security, his ample opportunities and, most importantly, sexual experience. So what's wrong with such a fair exchange?

But, of course, if you have no previous experience with girl who has not yet graduated from university, while your pension account in the bank already makes bankers smile joyfully at you when they meet - all sorts of unpleasant mistakes are possible. After all, an age difference is a difference in worldview, and it can destroy any relationship. Therefore, it is necessary to follow some rules.

1. A man should be in charge in a relationship with a girl younger than him. This rule generally works well for most couples, but it is especially true if we are talking about a couple with a significant age difference, where the man is older. Not because you owe someone something, but because in every situation, relationships will develop most favorably in which all participants demonstrate their strongest sides. A man is already wise enough, has life experience - it will be easy for a woman to recognize him as the main one and submit to him, and this is exactly the role that most women happily agree to.

2. An older man is never jealous of a younger girl. - always a sign of weakness. And, if attacks of jealousy are still forgivable for a twenty-year-old ardent guy, then they are not at all becoming for an adult serious man. If he cannot keep a woman with him in other ways, then stormy scenes will definitely not save, but will only aggravate the situation. They will begin to destroy the image of a strong and confident man, and with it the entire attractiveness of such a relationship for a girl.

3. A girl's interests in a younger man should be respected. A typical mistake of an older man is to start laughing at the hobbies of a young lady. Twenty to twenty-five years is the peak of self-discovery and the desire for self-development. All kinds of meditations, changing religious beliefs twice a month, changing one’s image three times a day, hormones still playing in the blood require joining some kind of party, a subculture of “truly understanding people”, as well as daily meditations, astral travel before breakfast, writing poems, playing the violin, playing sports, growing homemade cucumbers, assembling ships in bottles - this is just a short list of what a young man at that age can do at the same time. An adult man who has already found himself may find this kind of thing funny, and he may even have the stupidity to demonstrate it, largely losing the glasses of a condescending, understanding and wise man that a girl is looking for in an older companion.

4. A lover, not a mentor for a younger girl. And in general, less instructions. We must not forget that, first of all, you still have a sexual relationship, so you should not get carried away with pedagogy. The desire to teach her with or without reason will show you not as a sage, but as an ordinary bore.

5. The role of a man in sex in a relationship with: leading altruist. This seems surprising to many, but in sex, girls often get much more pleasure from experienced men than from passionate and hyperactive peers. All thanks to the experience mentioned more than once - a man knows how to give a lady genuine pleasure. To do this, of course, you also need to actively use this very experience, even if it causes inconvenience to the man himself. In other words, a man must be an altruist. But at the same time, in sex it is he who “leads”, he is in charge, he sets the pace and rhythm, and the woman submits. As a rule, this distribution of roles suits everyone.

6. Don't try to combine your company with that of a young girl. Trying to attend a student party in all its glory will remind a man of his age. Who are these people? Why are they so stupid? What are they all talking about? He will feel like a mammoth at a nanotechnology exhibition. A girl will feel like she’s in a mausoleum at the few, quiet gatherings familiar to an adult man. Trying to somehow get into someone else's company will not bring any positive results. It is better to try to find a third, neutral company, in which people of different age categories will be present.

7. Don't focus a young girl's attention on your age. A little self-irony never hurts. But if you go a little overboard with this self-irony, it will become clear to everyone that the problem of the age difference is bothering you, and seriously. It’s even better to avoid this self-irony altogether if you’re not sure you know when it’s right to stop.

8. What you should never do in a relationship with a young girl. The biggest mistake in this case for a man would be to try to look younger. Trying to remember your youth, copying the youth style, or even worse - dressing up in the youth style of the times of your youth. All this looks terribly ridiculous, so it’s better to put an end to this idea right away. The only real way to become a little younger is to engage in sports and your own figure. Remove extra ten to fifteen kilograms from your stomach, make friends with the gym and stadium, start eating right. Your passport age is not written on your forehead, but your flabby skin, loose body and old man’s clumsiness give it away.

Question for a psychologist:

Good afternoon. I have developed a relationship with a man who is 15 years younger than me. To say that it is very difficult is to say nothing! We were together for 8 years (we didn’t live together, we dated). He was the initiator of the relationship. We quarreled often, then made up... and so on for all these 8 years. He has a difficult character, so I always went for reconciliation. But a week ago, out of the blue, he simply decided to break off the relationship. Some general phrases: “We have no future, it will only get worse, I thought of you first,” etc... I write to him often... I want to tell him a lot! Perhaps he will change his mind. Does it make sense to expect something from this relationship? To wait for him? How to correctly assess the situation if my feelings are strong, but about his... I, unfortunately, at this stage, don’t know. He ignores me and doesn't respond to messages. This has happened before... I left, didn’t communicate for three months, then came back... I love you! And now, after so many years of relationship, I already want stability, and not endless squabbles. Give him time to decide? How many!? I think that over the years it was already possible to understand for yourself what is needed and what is not.

Psychologist Lyudmila Pavlovna Sviridova answers the question.

Hello, Natalia!

During the period of personality formation, many boys and girls are drawn to people of the opposite sex who are much older than them. Apparently, the same thing happened on the part of your young man. But time passes and young people grow out of their little dresses and pants, and begin to pay attention to their peers. Nature demands its way. Perhaps initially each of you had different expectations from the relationship and vision of the future. Your friend’s difficult character allowed him to communicate with you at the expense of your adult understanding, acceptance, and patience. Most likely, he decided to break up a long time ago, so he is trying to quarrel with you for various reasons. It seemed to you that out of the blue, but he probably harbored this statement and accumulated tension in order to tell you, realizing that he was hurting.

Yes, history knows such couples when the age difference was not an obstacle for lovers, and families were created. But, most likely, this is an exception to the rule, and the point is not in public opinion, but in age-related changes, which every year become more noticeable for everyone, which alienates close people from each other. These changes concern not only appearance, but also internal states: perception of oneself, the world, other people, desires, interests, lifestyle, etc. Not every person is ready to take on such responsibility and readiness, assuming such prospects. In families with a large age difference, despite apparent prosperity, there is always tension: the older one has a fear that a younger partner may be preferred to him, a fear of inadequacy, etc. And for the younger spouse, dissatisfaction with needs and unfulfilled expectations or fear of losing a loved one increases.

Over the 8 years of your relationship, you have become attached to each other, so these changes are very painful for you. In order not to create great suffering, your young man decided to end everything, and you, Natasha, need to accept it, get over it. When a woman is older, her partner evokes maternal feelings, you may still have time to give birth to a child in order to switch and realize unclaimed love.

Are you asking what to expect from this relationship? It seems that everything is already clear. No matter how painful it sounds, he has already decided everything! I wish you to correctly understand and accept the situation. Look at this experience, what it taught you, what lessons it taught you, look into your future, determine your direction and... Life goes on!

Have you noticed that just before the holidays people strive to make peace with their exes or quickly add someone to their status on social networks? What could be worse for a man over forty to be left without a woman and loving children on a holiday like Valentine’s Day, or before your birthday, right?

They don’t talk about this, but when you turn 43, or even 45, you need to hurry up and find a woman to demonstrate your own relevance and happiness. Usually, when a man urgently starts dating a woman who is fifteen years younger than him, it becomes obvious how desperately he feels like an impostor: weak, aging, pathetic, but clinging to his last hope. And the woman looks in such a way that it becomes clear that she does not believe in herself: that is, that she is capable of attracting a man of her own age or younger than herself, but only a guy, or even an old man.

For her sake, he tries not to show what a disgusting, dirty character he has. A man who has long since passed forty no longer faints when talking about children: on the contrary, he smiles sweetly and turns him on first. Since throughout his youth he flitted from one bed to another, often not disdaining women who already had three children from other men, he never had any of his own. Now he simply cannot allow himself to look for the heart and examine the soul, since he is similarly limited by time: he needs a womb, an incubator, which he chooses with cruel cynicism, since most of his peers will no longer be able to give birth.

If he is an entrepreneur, the owner of his own business and a specialist in automatic sales systems and robotics, then usually she also studied something there at school and at an institute, even a technical one, but she is still more interested in excursions in Pattaya and diving. It seems that she is pretending to be an erudite, but then life will put everything in its place. And she will pretend that she agreed to this not because she felt unwanted and wants to get married as soon as possible, but that he is his soul mate. A then, if weaker, he will smile all his life, assent, listen to his nonsense with pretensions to intellectuality and convince himself that this is better, much better, than living alone. If they are stronger, they will buck in time, and each of them will go their own way. She - to continue to suffer and search, and he - to pull out a dandelion from the field even younger, already twenty years old, in order to prove to her that youth is ugh. Even an interview on the first channel can be more difficult to agree on.

We love ourselves as we please and don’t recognize our age until our last breath. And other people’s youth is often annoying: look how cynically and harshly daddies sometimes communicate with their young girlfriends and wives. They know that they are bought. And for their youth - they seem to take revenge on them, constantly pulling them back and teaching them.

The relationship between a man and a woman is a complex process that occurs individually for each couple. The psychology of development of each union is individual. Today we will try to understand such a controversial phenomenon as “unequal marriage”. We will talk about the psychology of an unequal marriage, when the man is 10-15 or 20 years older than the girl. To do this, we talked with a psychologist, consultant Alla Shelgunova , which, based on psychoanalytic concepts, as well as our own professional experience, helped us understand this issue.

What are the reasons for a young girl choosing a man who is 10-15-20 years older than her?

If we turn to the question of the reasons for this girl’s choice, we will not find a clear answer to this question. The psychology of each person is individual, and, accordingly, there are an incredible number of reasons and prerequisites for such a choice among girls. Psychoanalysis says that a young girl chooses a man 10-15 or 20 years older than herself, thereby looking for a father in him. Let's take a closer look at this choice.

A girl of 17-18 years old needs paternal reliability and protection. After all, psychologically she is still at the extreme stage of adolescence. On the one hand, she feels like an adult girl, and on the other hand, she is still a child. If a girl does not receive support and stability in her family, then she looks for this same support on the side, that is, a man older than herself.

If a girl grew up without a father, or she did not receive such support from her father, then according to her psychology, she will look for such acceptance in an adult male father. If she finds this man, then she will gain stability and stability. When a girl lacks attention from her parents, she suffers from it. After all, a man who is 10-15-20 years older than a girl can give her much of what the girl needed.

In addition to the fact that a girl is looking for support in a man, it can also be a search for a spiritual “father,” when a man is a guide and mentor to the spiritual world.

It is interesting to know the positive and negative sides of an unequal marriage.

Let's start with the positive aspects of an unequal union, when the man is 10-15-20 years older than the girl.

A man, as a rule, by his psychology, is already an established personality, what can he give a girl? First of all – experience. Experience in everything, in many life issues, affairs, in the intimate sphere. A man can lead a girl with him, give her, as mentioned earlier, stability and support.

If we consider the negative aspects, then these are, first of all, strictly fixed roles: she is the daughter, and he is the father. When a man is 10-15-20 years older, he is sure that he knows what is best, he will protect his beloved and take care of her like a father. As a rule, there is no development in such relationships. A girl wants to grow up, but a man cannot perceive her as an adult; he will consider his wife a girl. On this basis, conflict arises and very often such marriages break up.

How long does a marriage last if the man is 10-15-20 years older than the woman?

Of course, there are cases when spouses can maintain a family hearth in their home for quite a long time, but this is rather an exception. Another difficulty arises in the fact that with such a difference, a man and a woman are in different environments (according to their age), they rarely have common interests and spending time together can cause boredom or misunderstanding of one of the partners. But, as mentioned earlier, there are exceptions. If in a couple, everyone “plays their role”, the woman feels like a woman, not a child, and the man feels like a man, not a father, such a marriage will be long and happy.

Why does a man choose a relationship with a young girl when he already has a family?

We will look at this issue from different positions.

We can also talk about the psychological immaturity of a man, when a man is so afraid of his own old age that he, thus, confirms his role in the system of social relations.

Maybe it's all about physiology?

Physiology is inextricably linked with psychology. Psychology is such that at the level of 20-25 years, the sexual activity of men is higher than that of their peers. By the age of 30-35, positions approximately level out. Let me emphasize once again that we take the average option. Then everything changes. In women, sexual activity continues to increase, while in men, on the contrary, it gradually begins to decrease. And then a man can look for a young girlfriend so that he can feel “on top” again for a while.

We can look at the problem of men leaving families for young girls from a different perspective. For example, this could be a personality development position.

A man develops, grows, he is surrounded by interesting people, but a woman devotes herself entirely to home and ceases to develop as a person. She may stop taking care of her appearance, she may be concerned about issues related mainly to children and everyday life, but a man needs something else, he would like to admire his woman, be proud of her, talk to her about interesting and curious topics, but he does not get this.

From a psychological point of view, a man fades in a relationship of this kind. A man may get bored in such a relationship, his needs will not be met, and accordingly he will look for what he lacks outside the family, on the side.

All relationships go through a number of stages, stages, and it does not matter whether it is an equal marriage or not. The man is 10-15-20 years older than the girl or not. Does the age difference between partners play a decisive role?

At first there is an idealization of the partner, people perceive each other as a single whole, it seems that they cannot live without each other, this is a kind of love, passion, as a rule, this period passes after 2 years, they say that this is love, no, this is passion.

Then, people each feel separate from each other, they begin to diverge, and it is from this moment that love begins. The question is how strong love is, how people can live this separation from each other.

If people survive this moment, they will enter the next stage of the relationship, which will be accompanied by other processes, conflicts, for example, and so on. All these periods in relationships are cyclical, as a rule, they occur every 7 years.

If spouses cope with these periods, then they reach a higher level of relationship. But whether it is an equal marriage or not is not of decisive importance.

Please give me advice, from a psychological point of view, is it worth entering into this kind of “unequal marriage”?

It is up to you to decide whether to enter into a relationship with a man older than yourself or, on the contrary, to condemn such marriages. From the point of view of psychology, each person is an individual who has his own thoughts, his own views on this world. We always see only the “cover” of a relationship and never fully know what is inside this union. Often, unequal marriages are very happy, because the happiness of the family does not depend on the difference in age, it depends on the work of two people. If people feel good in such an unequal union, even if the man is 10-15 or 20 years older than the girl, if they love each other, respect each other, accept each other and give care, then one can only be happy for them and wish them happiness.

In the modern world, in the bustle and constant worries, people forget about the main thing - relationships. More and more men cannot find a life partner. Why, you ask? Work, career, inability to communicate with girls, unsuccessful relationships or even marriage - all these are the reasons why adult men are left without companions. But don’t despair, because life is far from over and there are incredibly many opportunities in it.

Everyone knows how to communicate with peers and take them on dates. And you try to talk the same way with attractive young ladies who dream of a prince in a white Mercedes. They will run away from you in an instant. Therefore, today we’ll talk about how to build relationships with girls who are much younger than you. By the way, we have already sorted out the situation.

So, we have a certain “She” - a young beauty, and there is “You” - a man in the prime of life, full of energy, successful and, of course, a connoisseur of beauty. The main goal is to wake up in the morning next to her, with pleasant memories of the past night; try to build a serious relationship, but not too intrusive. The main obstacles to this goal may be:

1. sex is a sign of a serious relationship for her, and therefore giving it right away is simply unreasonable;
2. her ideas about relationships are naive thoughts about romance (moonlight walks, gifts, attention).

It’s worth saying that in a young environment, be healthy with competition. Young guys who party all night long, go to work in the morning, and go back to the party at night, are full of strength and audacity. Therefore, a kind of competition between youth and experience begins.

In fact, the goal set is not so unattainable. The main thing to know and remember is that you are a real prize. You are an adult, accomplished, adequate, interesting man who paid attention to her. And she’s already pretty tired of all these peers, they’re a dime a dozen. So the advantage is on your side, the main thing is to use it correctly. She is the same woman as all your ex-girlfriends, she also needs male attention and affection, she just doesn’t know all this yet. But you are aware of that, and therefore do everything as usual, but try to avoid some pitfalls that may come between you. Let's talk about these stones in more detail.

The first stone - fear. She is simply afraid of a relationship with you. There are simple thoughts here: “she’ll sleep and leave,” and more complex ones - you’re a mystery, you’re an adult who, perhaps, doesn’t need her, a little girl.

What to do in this case? First, you need to touch on topics that she knows and in which she will be comfortable. You shouldn’t talk about how you’re going somewhere to Kenya, but rather talk about your school pranks. In general, school is a win-win topic of conversation, because everyone remembers it with a smile.

Secondly, don’t ruin her hopes for a long-term relationship. It’s better not to confess your love and promise a wedding. We can say that you feel good together, sex is a transition of relationships to a higher level, and sex will happen because you both want it.

And thirdly, take the initiative. She does not understand transparent hints, she is not too relaxed, so take courtship into your own hands. Start with walking hand in hand, gradually move on to hugging, cuddling, kissing.

There was such a case: an organization that advises people on seduction and building relationships once a year took people to the sea (a kind of training). For other people it looked like this - guys in expensive cars come to a hotel, check into luxury rooms, behave confidently and noisily. They quickly become famous. But as soon as it came down to it, they preferred simpler and younger men. Why? Everything is logical. These men look difficult, it’s almost impossible to get someone like this for a long time, which means it will just be a holiday romance. The men associated with this company had several rules:

1. Don't show off. Normal communication is the best path to understanding and success.
2. Don't waste money. There is no need to go to restaurants and bars; a simple lunch with a girl in the most ordinary dining room is quite enough.
3. Do not drag girls to visit at least until the first kisses. Otherwise, the appearance of rooms or apartments can scare them away.

These three golden rules have an incredible effect.

Second stone - money. Many girls use their external data to find a sponsor who will pay for everything and who can be “promoted”. Don’t be a “daddy” for her; such a thought shouldn’t even arise in her cute little head.

In order not to find yourself in such a situation, think with your head. Don't judge a woman by her words, look at her actions. If she swears her love, asks for money for some purchase and at the same time does not agree to come to you “because her parents are strict,” think about it. Create a certain limit for yourself. You go beyond the limits, but the result is zero - draw conclusions.

You can teach her to invest in your relationship too. Of course, a man should be generous, but she needs to spend money on you at least sometimes. Then she will never think of you as a sponsor in her life.

Don't forget to pester her. On the second date there may be kisses and passionate hugs. Well, on the third, her resistance should be just for show. But it is you who must pester. You need to make your intentions clear.

Let's consider a case. A fashionable girl was courted by a peer. Everything was beautiful: with flowers, restaurants. She persuaded him to rent an apartment in a prestigious area, maintain it and give him some extra pocket money. At the same time, she began to refuse his trips anywhere, saying that today she was walking with her friends. The most interesting thing is that he didn’t even have the keys to his own (her) apartment. In the end, he decided to put an end to it: “You’re moving in with me.” At first she was sick for a long time, then she said that this was a serious step and she needed to think, and then she completely stated that she was not happy with the color of the wallpaper in his apartment. And finally, the move was scheduled for next week. Then suddenly she met a man who seduced her on the first date, and with whom she was going to move in a couple of days. Well, who do you think she had sex with and who didn’t? An obvious example of the fact that the first boyfriend delayed the matter.

The third stone - the language barrier. It happens that a girl is beautiful, but stupid to the point of disgrace. There is absolutely nothing to talk to her about. In such a situation, just relax, raising and teaching her is the concern of the parents. Be very simple, much like the host of the “Good Night, Kids” program. Tell any stories, the main thing is as simply as possible. Stories about your travels are suitable - after all, this is cool both in her fantasy and in fashion magazines. Another piece of advice is to kiss her as quickly as possible, because the pauses that arise, believe me, will be very frequent, will need to be filled with something. A kiss is the best solution.

And again a story from life. There was a client in a company that provides consultations on seduction and relationships. He has a girlfriend - beautiful, but over the past few years she has not read a single book, but she does not forget about the next issue of “Dom-2”. The situation is terrible, but there is always a proven way: sushi, cinema, sex.

First, the man took the girl to a restaurant, because for some reason all girls love sushi. Then he chose an interesting film and took the young charmer into a dark hall, where he didn’t have to talk, but just pester her. After the movie, he took her home, where the long-awaited sex happened, after a dark hall and gentle stroking. Of course, the relationship did not last long, but the main goal was achieved.

The fourth stone - clubs. Nightclubs are the pinnacle of youth life. This is where they go for a walk with their girlfriends and look for adventures on the fifth point. Maybe you yourself wouldn’t mind visiting such establishments, but not every weekend, because there are still a lot of interesting events and places.

First and foremost, any girl gets bored of nightclubs very quickly. She goes there only because there is no alternative. It’s hard to think of something else to do when everyone you know is out and about. Invite her to ride horses, shoot a pistol, go to another city - whatever, she will happily spend time with you.

I would like to point out that you should not run around clubs with her. You will rush her, get irritated, push her to do the obvious “thing,” and she will hang out and be offended. In general, you will only fray each other's nerves. If she has already decided to spend the evening at a club, instead of inviting you to the theater, do not insist. At the end of the concert, simply write her a message something like this: “The show was great. Everyone is delighted. It’s a pity that this was the last performance, they won’t come to our city again.” Next time she will be happy to share your emotions.

Case from practice. One day a man started talking to a party girl. I remembered the advice about an alternative and invited her to go to Suzdal, on his business, and at the same time see the city. The beauty of course agreed. It was in winter, in a snowstorm, they were traveling in some wilderness and found themselves a lot of adventures from finding a normal hotel. And it is not surprising that after all the emotions experienced, two loving hearts spent the night together.

Fifth stone - marriage. It happens that girls suddenly awaken the biological feeling “I want a family.” If a man does not promise a serious relationship, she will not let her into bed.

You may not want to start a family at all, and communication with her is an ordinary relationship. What to do? Run. Understand: you will spend a lot of money, nerves, and time on this girl if you don’t end your relationship with her right now. If we are already talking about family, she will not back down. And the punctured condom will be an innocent prank compared to all her other inventions to achieve her intended goal.

There was such a thing. A man came to see a relationship specialist. So and so, he says, there is an employee at work, young, beautiful, an amazing figure, but the trouble is - she wants a relationship, a family - everything is serious. How can you get close to her and not become a husband? To this the specialist said: “It’s simple: don’t get involved in such adventures. There will be someone young and beautiful, and without claims to your last name.” And so it happened.

Let's hope that this article has helped at least someone with advice. Finally, it is worth noting: do not be afraid of experiments, a girl is a new, unknown world. And the more inspiration you bring to this world and to its exploration, the more pleasure you will receive in the process.