Features of Christian parenting. Christian parenting of children in the modern world Christian parenting of children 6 8 years old

5 minutes to read.

Most modern parents believe that Orthodox upbringing of children does not affect the development of strong qualities. However, looking at the current generation, one can understand that the boundaries of “good” and “bad” are beginning to blur. Why is it important to raise children according to Orthodox laws? At what age should a child be introduced to religion?

Education in Orthodoxy

It is important to understand that Orthodox education is not only about faith in God and complete immersion in faith. Orthodox education includes knowledge and following traditions, honoring parents and boundless love.

Modern mothers think about the moral state of their children when they see the “decline in morals” of today’s youth. In the hope of avoiding rudeness, hypocrisy, and aggression, parents introduce their children to faith. Orthodox education of preschool children should not be intrusive; it is enough for the child to see a parental example. Attending Sunday schools at the church gives a lot of knowledge, but the actions of mom and dad play a huge role in the correct perception of Orthodoxy.

Christian family

In an Orthodox Christian family, the first place in life is taken by the family itself. Orthodoxy makes it clear that the family will always be there in happiness and in sorrow. No friends or work can replace loved ones, children and parents. The main difference between an Orthodox family and others is love for people and faith in goodness. Orthodox parents teach children not to be offended by others, but to accept the situation as a test and overcome it.

Relations between believing parents are respectful; the showdown takes place without children's ears and eyes. A father's disrespect for his mother undermines the authority of the younger generation.

Raising children in an Orthodox family implies obedience to children and adherence to traditions. However, fasting by children of any age is prohibited. It is possible to abstain from sweets, but the baby should do this consciously, and not by the decision of the parents.

Orthodoxy for children

For children raised in a Christian family, Orthodoxy is a part of life. Children's perception of evening and morning prayers should be like an ordinary conversation with God, an assessment of their actions. Raising children in Orthodoxy, parents from an early age introduce Christian customs, laws, and norms of behavior. Do not forget that the main teacher is the correct example of parents.

Children from one to three years old should be brought to church and told about what is happening there (in an appropriately quiet tone), show your child the icons, let him look at everything. Explain that it is forbidden to make noise in church, and if the child is tired and cannot stand still, just go outside. Orthodox Christians will never “shush” a little one in church, they will only help distract him or they will ignore him.

Kindergarten children are ready to accept information about Christianity. Some gardens host talks on religion and faith. In large cities of Russia, Orthodox gardens have begun to open, where children are introduced to Orthodoxy from a very young age.

Problems of Orthodoxy

The most important problem in the matter of religion is faith. More precisely, its absence, which means not only faith in God, but in general faith in people, the government, and loved ones. The modern generation is skeptical about morality; people who have been deceived more than once have ceased to trust.

Another problem is the so-called “difficult teenagers”. Every parent would like to see their child sincerely believing in God, revered by tradition, and moral. However, during adolescence, when hormones take over the mind, some children choose the wrong path. The task of parents is to understand the reason for changes in behavior, become even closer and earn trust. Attending church services and receiving communion will only benefit your teenager. Don’t ignore any hobbies, try to keep abreast of your immediate plans, meet your friends.

Remember that mom and dad are a fortress behind which the baby should feel protected.

Traditions of Orthodox upbringing of children in the family

Of course, the main source of information is the family. A son or daughter will not follow traditions if no one follows them at home.

Every family should have its own traditions, in addition to public ones. If a child is raised in a family in a spiritual and moral environment, then as he grows up he will be able to distinguish good from evil, and by choosing good he will be able to resist temptations. To instill goodness in children, it is necessary to take them to services and help the sick together.

We can highlight the main traditions that can be rooted in every family:

• baptism;
• visiting temples;
• paying respect to church holidays;
• sharing a meal;
• respect for adults;
• caring for children and the sick;
• discussion of family issues, joint problem solving.

Previously, Orthodoxy began with baptism, which was considered almost obligatory. Attending church, participating in family prayers, confession, and communion were also considered an integral part of the life of every boy and girl. All this was part of the spiritual and moral education of children.

Modern man needs to revive forgotten traditions and introduce Orthodox traditions, cultures, and customs from a very early age. After all, one of the main reasons for the loss of knowledge is the failure to maintain connections between generations.

The core of spiritual education is laid in the family, therefore the spiritual and moral education of children is possible provided that the spiritual and moral state of the family as a whole is correct.

Raising a family is hard work for parents and children. Children should be seen as a seed that needs to be nurtured in a good, calm, happy environment. Children are not to blame for anything, it’s all due to improper upbringing or lack thereof.

Love your children as they are and try to give the right knowledge, introduce your traditions and follow the church's annual holidays.

Expression "family is a small Church" we meet on the pages of Holy Scripture. Even the Apostle Paul in his epistles mentions the Christian spouses Aquila and Priscilla who were especially close to him and greets them “and their home Church” (Rom. 16:4). When talking about the Church, we almost always use words and concepts related to family life: we call the priest “father”, “father”, we consider ourselves “spiritual children” of our confessor. What is so similar between the concepts of Church and family?

The Church is a union, the unity of people in God. The Church, by its very existence, affirms: God is with us! As the Evangelist Matthew narrates, Jesus Christ said: "...where two or three are gathered in My name, there am I in the midst of them"(Matt. 18:20). Bishops and priests are not representatives of God, not His deputies, but witnesses of God’s participation in our lives. And it is important to understand the Christian family as a “small Church,” that is, the unity of several people who love each other, bonded by a living faith in God. The responsibility of parents is in many ways similar to the responsibility of the church clergy: parents are also called to become, first of all, “witnesses,” that is, examples of Christian life and faith. It is impossible to talk about the Christian upbringing of children in a family if the life of the “small Church” is not realized in it.

A family, even in the most difficult times, is a “small Church” if at least a spark of desire for good, for truth, for peace and love remains in it, in other words, for God; if it has at least one witness of the faith, its confessor. There have been cases in the history of the Church when only a single saint defended the truth of Christian teaching. And in family life there are periods when only one person remains a witness and confessor of the Christian faith, a Christian attitude to life.

We cannot force our children into some kind of heroic conflict with the environment. We are called to understand the difficulties they face in life, we must sympathize with them when, out of necessity, they remain silent, hide their beliefs in order to avoid conflict. But at the same time, we are called upon to develop in children an understanding of the main thing that needs to be held on to and what to believe in. It is important to help the child understand: you don’t have to talk about kindness - you have to be kind! You don't have to show the cross or icon, but you can't laugh at them! You may not talk about Christ in school, but it is important to try to learn as much as possible about him and try to live according to Christ’s commandments.

The Church knew periods of persecution when it was necessary to hide faith and sometimes suffer for it. These periods were times of greatest growth for the Church. Let this thought help us in our work to build our family - the small Church.

Considering the family as a “domestic Church,” as living cells of the body of the Church, one can understand the nature of the national peculiarity of the Church. The “Home Church” by its nature embodies religious values ​​and beliefs in everyday life, behavior, holidays, feasts and other traditional customs. Family is more than father, mother and children. A family is the heir to moral and spiritual customs and values ​​created by grandfathers, great-grandfathers and ancestors. The Bible's stories about the Old Testament patriarchs constantly remind us of this. It is very difficult, and perhaps impossible, to create a genuine Christian way of life, neglecting traditions. The family is called upon not only to perceive, support, but also to pass on the spiritual, religious, national and domestic tradition from generation to generation. From the family tradition and thanks to it, on the basis of special veneration of ancestors and paternal graves, the family hearth and national customs, a culture of national feeling and patriotic loyalty was created. The family is the first home on earth for a child - a source of not only warmth and nutrition, but also conscious love and spiritual understanding. The very idea of ​​“homeland” - the womb of my birth, and “fatherland”, the earthly nest of my fathers and ancestors, arose from the depths of the family.

In modern pedagogy, the problem of sex education is stated as one of the main ones. In traditional Russian pedagogy, this problem was considered as a chaste relationship between a man and a woman, a boy and a girl. The current transformation of the concept of sexual relations can only be explained by a change in the view of the family.

We have already said that from the point of view of Orthodoxy, the family is a “small Church”. Family relationships are primarily spiritual relationships. The upbringing of boys and girls was based on the understanding that sexual relations are possible only within the family and must be sanctified by a grace-filled union in the sacrament of marriage. Boys and girls were taught to be shy by the whole way of life of the family (they did not talk about intimate things out loud). Virginity and chastity were kept as a shrine, as the basis of spiritual peace and future family well-being.

The first post-revolutionary years brought with them a desire for open relationships. But the gradual realization that the family is the basis of society turned state policy in the field of education and social life towards strengthening the family. However, the spiritual basis of family relationships gradually disappeared as temples were closed and the influence of atheistic ideology occurred. It was possible to strengthen the family and build gender relations only on a psychological basis, which was expressed in the introduction of the course “Psychology of Family Relations” in secondary schools. Within its framework, there was no talk about sex education; students were prepared for family life on a psychological level, that is, it was mainly about reducing interpersonal conflicts. Sexual relations were still considered possible only within the family.

The loss of the spiritual basis of the family, the fear of God, gradually led to freer, more precisely, licentious relationships, which were still not customary to talk about; at the social level, such relationships were even condemned. Meanwhile, external manifestations of life, such as an increase in the number of divorces and an increase in the number of abortions, indicated the presence of problems in family relationships.

The modern, physiological approach to sex education is based on an attempt to legitimize lawlessness. It is based on the idea that sexual, and in the language of modern pedagogy - sexual, relationships are not limited to the family, but become a reality for most young people even before marriage. If this is so, then we are no longer talking about family - everything comes down to sexual psychology and attributes. The result was the abolition of the concept of family as the basis for the future life of young people. The families in which they now live and are raised are also ignored, the opinion and influence of parents in the field of sex education is ignored, which is manifested in an attempt to exclude parents from discussing programs and the content of sex education courses.

If we express the change in views on the family in our society, we can say that from a family based on spiritual relationships, we gradually moved to spiritual (psychological) relationships and then to carnal (physiological), that is, to such relationships that ultimately As a result, they no longer need a family. Metaphorically, this can be expressed this way: where shame is lost, conscience is silent and sin triumphs.

Marriage is enlightenment and at the same time a mystery. In it, a transformation of a person occurs, an expansion of his personality. A person gains new vision, a new sense of life, and is born into the world in a new fullness. Only in marriage is it possible to fully know a person, to see another person. In marriage, a person is immersed in life, entering it through another person. This knowledge gives that feeling of completeness and satisfaction that makes us richer and wiser.

This completeness deepens even more with the emergence of a third from the two merged together - their child. A perfect married couple will give birth to a perfect child, and it will continue to develop according to the laws of perfection. But if there is an unconquered discord and contradiction between the parents, then the child will be the product of this contradiction and will continue it.

Through the sacrament of marriage, grace is also granted for the upbringing of children, which Christian spouses only contribute to in their parenting activities, as the Apostle Paul says: “ It’s not me, however, but the grace of God that is with me.”(1 Cor. 15:10). Guardian Angels, given to infants from holy baptism, secretly but tangibly assist parents in raising their children, averting various dangers from them.

If in marriage only an external union took place, and not a victory of each of the two over his own selfishness and pride, then this will affect the child and will entail his inevitable alienation from his parents.

You cannot forcibly hold, instill, force a child to be the way the father or mother wants. Therefore, the most important thing for raising children is that they see their parents living a true spiritual life and sanctified by love.

Without the love of parents for their children, it is impossible to talk about Christian education. Parental love is a special love, it is sacrificial and selfless love. Each family member is called to find himself. The personality of the lover must become stronger and richer than before. “Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”(John 12:24). This is a genuine asceticism of family life - difficult and painful. The “I” of each parent is infringed upon, broken, suppressed by the needs of other family members. Sleepless nights, physical fatigue, stiffness, anxiety - all this cannot be avoided. The father may feel abandoned because his wife has begun to pay more attention to maternal responsibilities. Christianity teaches that voluntary sacrifice of at least part of the hypertrophied “I” can be the beginning of the creation of a new, better person. Along with the willingness to sacrifice part of one’s “I,” an equally strong desire develops to know the “I” of others, to understand the needs of their personalities, their outlook on life, and their abilities.

To gain deeper insight into their relationships with their children, parents need spiritual guidance and creative inspiration. At the heart of this relationship is love, full of responsibility, recognizing authority, created on respect and the desire to understand the child’s personality. From a Christian point of view, parental love has the emotional fullness of love, it is important that it does not become selfish. Ideally, she is completely selfless, and an example of this is the love of the Mother of God for Jesus Christ. A mother's love for her child fills her life and enriches it. This is love for something greater than itself, for something that no longer belongs to it. The child grows up and leaves his parents. The sacrificial, Christian meaning of parental love lies in the recognition of this fact. The images of Abraham and Isaac are still a model for parents today who long to devote the life of a child to God - not to interrupt his life, but to subordinate it more to God than to themselves. This is beautifully expressed in the icons of the Mother of God with the Child sitting directly on Her lap: Her arms embrace Him without pressing Him to Her.

A person begins his life in a family that he did not create, this is the family of his father and mother, and he enters it through birth, long before he manages to become aware of himself and the world around him. I.A. Ilyin said that the child receives this family as a special gift from fate. Marriage is all about choice and decision, and the child does not have to choose and decide. Father and mother, as it were, form a destiny that falls to his lot in life, and he cannot reject or change this destiny - he can only accept it and carry it all his life. What comes out of a person in his later life is determined in his childhood, in the bosom of his family. We are all folded into this womb, with all our capabilities, feelings and desires, and each of us remains throughout our lives a spiritual representative of our family, as if a living symbol of its family spirit.

The family, being the heir and keeper of spiritual and moral traditions, most of all educates children through its way of life, understanding the need not only to preserve, but also to multiply what we inherited from previous generations. From a spiritual point of view, it would be more accurate to say: not to multiply, but to raise to a new level, and this is only possible in a church-going family. Let's try to explain this using a simple model. If we imagine earthly life in the form of a circle, the transfer of life experience and customs in the family tends to be constantly repeated, and if there are differences in some psychophysical or professional manifestations in different generations, then within the framework of our model this only changes the radius of the circle, affecting quantitative characteristics of life without raising it to a new level. In order to change the level of existence, each generation must break this circle, turning the trajectory of life into a spiral, preserving, multiplying and exalting it, and this is a task that can only be solved on a spiritual level. Children, with the help of their parents and the grace of God, overcome in themselves the beginnings of those sins and sinful inclinations that they inherited. The transition of our children to a new level of spiritual life compared to ours is the main goal of Christian upbringing in the family. Let children get ahead of us not only in the physical, intellectual and other spheres, but the main thing is that they make a breakthrough in the spiritual sphere of existence.

In practice, this task is solved only through spiritualization, the churching of the entire way of family life, through the disclosure of the spiritual meaning of the basic realities of life, the Christian understanding of happiness as well-being, bliss in the spirit of the Sermon on the Mount, through the opportunity to freely develop and realize the creative abilities received from God. The feeling of joy and bliss are gifts of God's grace, which is acquired, among other things, by fulfilling seemingly formal duties: recognition of order and obedience, that is, maintaining the discipline that has developed in the family.

The basis for the spiritual growth of children are the sacraments of the Church. In the sacrament of baptism, the Lord washes them from original sin, removing from them the curse that weighs on the fallen human race. In the sacrament of confirmation, the Lord adopts a child to Himself, giving him grace. The spiritual life of a child, born in baptism, requires nourishment for its maintenance. The Lord grants him food in the sacrament of communion. Innocent babies should be given communion as often as possible. The grace of communion of the Body and Blood of the Lord is extraordinary; it nurtures, heals and strengthens the child spiritually and physically. It is advisable that from the age of four, a child no longer eats food or drink in the morning until communion.

From the age of seven, the baby becomes an adolescent and is considered responsible for his actions. From these years on, it is necessary to instill in him spiritual cleanliness, to cultivate the need to wash away sin in the sacrament of repentance through confession of his sins. In the sacraments of the Church, children communicate with the Lord himself. By limiting their participation in the sacraments, we violate the Savior’s commandment: “Suffer the children to come to Me and do not hinder them, for to such is the kingdom of God.”(Mark 10:14).

Prayer becomes the breath of spiritual life. Life ends when breathing stops, so spiritual life ends when prayer stops. With the first awakening of consciousness, it is necessary to instill in the child the concept of God as the source of life, goodness and kindness. From this time on, he should be taught to pray. Let the child learn for the rest of his life that his first movement upon awakening should be the folding of his fingers and the sign of the cross, the first words - praise to the Lord, the first conversation - prayer, the first meal during the day - communion or taking holy water and consecrated bread (prosphora, antidora , arthos). As the child grows, the first reading should be the Gospel. Holidays for him should begin with a visit to the temple of God.

Prayer manifests itself in three forms: in following household prayer rules, in offering short prayers to God throughout the day, and in attending church services. Children must also be taught all these forms of prayer.

Usually the child begins to pray with “Virgin Mary.” The Mother of Christ is the Mother of the entire Christian race. And just as a child’s first words are “mom” and “dad,” so his first conversations with God should be composed of “Virgin Mary” and then “Our Father.” The child should be taught to pray for loved ones and apply the sign of the cross to himself.

As the child grows, so does his prayer rule. For youths who have mastered literacy, in the morning and evening it is feasible to read the morning and evening prayer rules established by the Church. They take about 10-15 minutes. The number of prayers should be increased gradually as the child grows. During the day, the rule of St. Seraphim of Sarov should be read for the laity who are burdened with work and have little time. It includes: three times "Our Father", three times "Hail Mary" and once "I Believe". When new prayers are added to the rule, they must be explained to the children. When children grow up, they should be told the story of the origin of the prayers and introduced to the biographies of the authors. Reading "Holy God", they will hear in these words the song of angelic choirs, seen by a Constantinople boy during the time of Patriarch Proclus. Starting with “Worthy,” they will be transported to a wretched cell on Mount Athos, where the beginning of this prayer was first heard in the mouth of the Archangel Gabriel. Reading the 24 petitions of the evening rule, we will remember St. John Chrysostom.

In the first centuries of Christianity, prayer in the family was common and all family members gathered for it. The eldest in the family read the prayer, and everyone present quietly repeated after him. We should imitate this custom by having children take turns reciting prayers. From adolescence, it is necessary to teach children to bow and bow to the ground. Bowing makes up for our absent-mindedness in prayer. The efforts of the body are complemented by weakness of attention and insensibility of the heart. You should pay attention to your external demeanor when praying. It is good to end the rule with general prayer singing. To revive the zeal of children, they need to be told about cases when the Lord fulfilled the requests made in fervent children's prayer. Children should memorize a number of prayers that help in various circumstances. Praying before and after meals, before and after classes should become a habit for children from an early age. They should also be taught that before leaving for school or even leaving home and before going to bed, they approach their parents with a request to cross them. The sign of the cross of parents, performed with faith and reverence, has great protective power for the child.

To accustom a child to church prayer, it is necessary to take him to church from early childhood to attend services. He will not be burdened by divine services if he is accustomed from childhood to attending them from beginning to end, at first sitting, and with age, standing. For youths it is necessary to attend Sunday and holiday all-night vigils and liturgies. Grown-up children should not be excluded from night services when they are established by the Church.

The Lord himself indicated two types of weapons in the fight against the forces of darkness: " This race can only be driven out by prayer and fasting."(Matt. 17:21). If the need for prayer to kindle and maintain spiritual life is recognized by all Christians, then fasting is often not realized or is not recognized as obligatory. In the life of an old Russian family, we see the strict observance of fasting days - Wednesday and Friday - and the four multi-day fasts established by the Church. All patristic literature speaks of the need for our spirit and body to observe fasts. According to the teachings of the Holy Fathers, a healthy baby does not fast only when he is still feeding on his mother’s milk, that is, until about three years of age (in ancient times, Jewish women fed their babies with their milk until they were three years old). The exception of fasting was allowed only for sick children.

Along with the need to observe fasting to one degree or another, care should also be taken to protect children from the habit of satiety or eating too often at this time. You cannot indulge a child’s whims by giving him only what he loves. When children grow up and their character and inclinations are determined, parents need to be tactful in relation to the norm of fasting. It is impossible, for example, to deprive them of sweets against their will or unreasonably increase the severity of fasting. Adult children cannot be forced to strictly adhere to all fasting norms if this becomes a burden to them. In this case, fasting does not benefit the soul, but can harden it. The whole point of fasting is voluntary abstinence and self-limitation. And so that the usual norms of fasting are not difficult for adult children, they should be taught to fast from a very young age.

Children understand very well how sincerely the parents themselves follow the accepted rules - be it regular attendance at church, goodwill and hospitality, fasting, abstinence from smoking and alcohol. Christian life is built on the fulfillment of the law as an effective principle, as a life position, and not an empty formality or lifeless ritual. Christian parents, by their behavior, must show their children that the basis of all discipline is the principle of “Thy will be done,” and not the principle of the parental “I want it so.”

Orthodox upbringing of children is practiced in many families where there are believing parents. It is very difficult to determine the norms and rules of such upbringing that will suit everyone exclusively. There are no specific instructions, but there is a clear and distinct concept, which is spiritual development and direction along the path of faith. We will talk in more detail about this sensitive topic in this article. Take a few minutes to read, even if you do not consider yourself a deeply religious person.. Surely you will learn something important from this material.

How are Christian parents different from others?

In any family with healthy family relationships, parents strive to give their children the best that is available to them. This applies to material wealth and necessary things, as well as moral values ​​and principles of life. It is important for parents that the child is well and warmly dressed, fed, receives a good education, and subsequently a decent job, and finds family happiness. This is what ordinary parents who do not strictly adhere to faith want. Christian parents want the same things for their children, not primarily, but as an addition. The main goal of their upbringing is to “depict Christ” in the child’s soul, so that the child gains unshakable faith in the Church and lives according to its canons. Modern life has many temptations and is full of customs that are unusual for Christianity. Therefore, a Christian parent must help the child fight these temptations and teach him to live in parallel with them, following his own path, the path of faith.

Orthodox upbringing of children - upbringing in strictness?

Many of those who are not close to the faith perceive the Orthodox upbringing of children as a system of strict prohibitions and eternal restrictions. But is the life of faith really that strict? Long services, constant prayers, eternal prohibitions. This all seems complicated and unfair to children, but a real Christian would argue with you. You should never force or threaten a child to pray in an attempt to cultivate humility in him. This is fraught with the fact that the baby will grow up and abandon his faith, and possibly his connection with his parents. It is important for a true Christian to create such an environment so that the child feels boundless love, the presence of God, feels his influence, and gains true faith within himself. If this happens, then prayers and any daily rituals will not be a burden. For this to happen, the child must see an example in the family. That is, mom and dad must read the prayers correctly and stand until the end of the service.
Of course, you can’t do without rigor. Many people know the famous biblical quote, which says that a parent who spares the rod hates his son, and the one who loves will punish him from childhood. It is wrong to take this phrase in its literal sense. If a child does not obey and does something life-threatening, for example, plays with a socket, then a calm tone will not always help; more serious measures are needed. Remember that parents should always have a certain authority with their children, their word should be “legal”, and the child should rely on it. Orthodox upbringing can be considered strict, but no more strict than any other “healthy” upbringing.

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What is Orthodox upbringing of children: factors of spiritual growth

Orthodox upbringing of children in the family consists of education in constant responsibility, love and dedication. Orthodoxy cannot be considered a system or try to create it yourself. And in order to help a child “find Christ,” it is important for parents to adhere to the following factors of spiritual growth.

1. Sacraments. The first time a child should be brought to Christ is on the eighth day after birth. On this day the Sacrament of Baptism is performed. It is believed that the Lord washes the child from original sin. The curse that weighs on the human race is removed through the process of baptism. The next Sacrament is Confirmation. It signifies the adoption of a child by the Lord. The Lord gives the baby grace, puts him on a par with the chosen race, the holy people. According to the Old Testament, anointing was previously performed only on prophets and royalty. But according to the New Testament, this rite was granted to every Christian. Believers believe that the process of communion of the “Blood and Body of the Lord” heals, improves health, and helps spiritual cleansing. Therefore, Christian parents allow their children to receive communion often; there are no obstacles to this. When performing the Sacraments, children, if possible and depending on their age, should understand the meaning of what is happening. This is exactly how communication with the Lord Himself occurs.
2. Prayer. Prayer is considered the breath of spiritual life. Christians believe that just as physical life stops with the cessation of breathing, so spiritual life stops, just as prayer stops. The concept of God is instilled in a child from a very early age. It is believed that consciousness awakens at the age of 2 years. From this same time, training in prayer should begin. Christians believe that it exists in three forms: following household rules for prayer, offering short prayers during the day, and visiting Church. The first prayer for a child can be “Our Father”, “I Believe” and an appeal to the Mother of God. Later he is taught to pray not only for himself, but also for his loved ones. It is worth adding new prayers gradually, as it may be difficult for a child to read for more than 20 minutes at a time. It is important that he understands what is said, and not just pronounce the text from a written piece of paper. When introducing a prayer to a child, talk to him about the meaning of this prayer. Ask how he understands her and tell him how you understand her. If you have difficulties with understanding, do not hesitate to ask the priest in the Church, do not be afraid to show your “ignorance”. Parents should tell their children what they can and cannot pray about. Prayers can work miracles, such as helping with learning or healing. After worship in the Church at home, you can ask the child what he understood from the chants and what remained incomprehensible to him.
3. Bows. From the age of 7 years, that is, from adolescence, the child must be taught to bow. These should be bows from the waist and to the ground. Christians believe that bowing compensates for absent-mindedness in the process of prayer, complements weakness of attention and helps prayer reach the heart. This custom was established by the Lord Himself. In the Garden of Gethsemane He “fell to the ground and prayed.”
4. Fast. Orthodox families are required to fast not only on the fasts established by the Church, but also on Wednesdays and Fridays. According to Christian teachings, babies need not fast only as long as they are fed with mother's milk. This applies to physically healthy children. In addition, the child must be raised so that he knows that carnality, oversaturation, and immoderation do not have a beneficial effect on him. The child should not be fed “just anywhere” as soon as he cries and asks for it. In a Christian family there should always be a set order for eating.
5. Spiritual reading. According to the Lord, man will live not by bread alone, but also by the word that comes from God’s mouth. It is believed that the Mother of God loved to read the Holy Scriptures. Christians believe that spiritual nutrition shapes the child's soul, so it is more important than physical food. Children love to read literature on biblical topics, retell it with pleasure, and add something of themselves to the stories. In Ancient Rus', for example, they learned to read from the Psalms. In addition to books on biblical topics, children should also study young adult literature from which they can draw examples of living in God. Shared reading has a unifying power when the whole family gathers in one room and one person reads aloud. Afterwards, everyone discusses what they read, shares their impressions, and adults explain the meaning of what they read to the kids.
6. Blessing of the environment. The environment influences people. Christians treat the organization of space at home with trepidation. Sacred objects, crosses, icons, paintings of Sacred History - all this has a beneficial effect on children and repels any “damage”.

When raising children according to Christ, believers themselves adhere to the above factors and teach their children this from childhood.

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Traditions of Orthodox upbringing of children in the family

The traditions of spiritual education are familiar to every Christian. They have evolved over centuries and still form the basis of Christian life. Many traditions are observed in our country and in those families in which it is not customary to pray every day and attend Church on Sundays. But people gather as families for Easter, bake Easter cakes, celebrate the Nativity of Christ, and many observe Lent. Of course, the life of a Christian is not limited only to these actions and involves observing certain traditions every day. Let's take a closer look at some of them.
Traditions of Orthodox upbringing of children in the family:

• According to the customs of the Church, from the age of 4 before communion, a child should not drink or eat from the moment he wakes up.
• In order for a child’s confession to be more meaningful, integral and productive, from the age of 7 parents should teach him to write down his own sins.
• From the age of 2, a child must be taught that in the morning, as soon as he wakes up, he must cross himself, say words of praise to the Creator and take communion. After waking up, you can give the child some prosphora and a spoonful of holy water.
• An old tradition is to read morning and evening prayers with the whole family. The head of the family reads loudly, and everyone in the family repeats quietly for them. It is important to adhere to this tradition in modern times. If you can’t get everyone together twice a day, then you can do it once, for example, before bed.
• Grown-up children, together with their parents, need to attend night services when they are supposed to. For example, on Easter, on Holy Week, before the Nativity of Christ.
• A child should be taught to observe fasts from a very early age. But it is impossible not to allow certain foods to be eaten by prohibitions; it is important that the child himself learns to refuse it.
• From a very early age, spiritual literature is read with children. At first, these could be children's books on biblical topics, presented in understandable language, perhaps with pictures. Over time, it is important to teach the child to read the Holy Scriptures, the lives of great saints every day.

It is good to observe traditions and teach this to your children, but a true Christian must not just blindly do what is prescribed, but must also understand the essence. If you don’t understand the meaning of a tradition or you doubt whether you should teach it to your child, then talk to the priest. Ask, attend sermons, then you will have no questions left, but understanding and faith will come.

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Today we in the Church are making great efforts to keep our children in Orthodoxy. In many cases they show no interest in this. Can we somehow encourage our children to joyfully fulfill the commandments and be Orthodox Christians? I think there is such a way. It requires dedication and hard work.

My mother died when I was eight, and when I was ten my father remarried. One summer evening when I was about fourteen, I sat on the steps outside our house and thought about how much I missed my mother. That evening I decided that my deepest desire was to have a strong marriage and family. I put it above education, above a successful career, and above my position in society.

My wife Marilyn and I dedicated our lives to Christ while attending the University of Minnesota. One day, Dr. Bob Smith, a professor at Bethel College in St. Paul, was giving a lecture on the topic of marriage and family. Somehow during the performance, he drew an image that was indelibly imprinted in my memory. He said: “One day I will stand at the judgment seat of Christ as a father and my goal is for my wife and children to stand next to me and say: “Lord, we are all here. Here’s Mary, here’s Steve, here’s Johnny, everything’s in place.” That night I prayed, “Lord, this is what I want when I get married and have children, so that we can all enter Your Eternal Kingdom together.”

Throughout college, seminary, and forty-five years of family life, my determination to have a large family and bring them with me into the Eternal Kingdom never wavered. My wife and I maintained a healthy marriage and always strived to be godly parents and later grandparents. I would like to highlight five things that Marilyn and I tried to do and which, by God's grace, we did most successfully on the path of building a family in Christ and His Church.

1. Give priority to your family.

The most important thing after the Kingdom of God is our family. It seems to me that if we want to grow Orthodox Christian families, our spouses and children should come first to us after Christ and His Church.

For a believer, our path in Christ and His Church always comes first. In this regard, the Holy Scriptures, the Holy Fathers, and the Liturgy speak unequivocally. At least four times during the Sunday Liturgy we commemorate with all the saints, saying: “to ourselves, and to each other, and our whole belly Let us surrender to Christ God.” Our relationship with God comes first, our commitment to family comes second, and our passion for our work comes third.

As parents, we must make the strictest commitment that before work, before social life, before all other activities that will compete for the use of our time, we must give priority to family.

Early in my married life, I worked at Campus Crusade for Christ**. I then worked for three years at the University of Memphis, and then eleven years at Thomas Nelson Publishers in Nashville. And at each of these stages, the struggle for balance between work and family was raging. I would like to testify that winning this fight is easy, but it is not. I cannot tell you how many of my Christian friends and acquaintances were left without their families because, by their own admission, their careers came first. These were moms and dads who were always away from home, and their work consumed them.

All my jobs over the years have involved travel, when I worked at Campus Crusade in the 60s, at Thomas Nelson in the 70s and 80s, and today at the Orthodox Archdiocese of Antioch. I'm on the road almost half of my time. When airlines started offering rewards flights for frequent flyers a few years ago, I thought, “Wait a minute, this is the way to go. I will take my children with me."

Thus, while working at the publishing house, I sometimes began to take one of my children with me on trips. During a trip to the eastern United States, I took one of my daughters with me, in New York we rented a car and drove towards Harrisburg in Pennsylvania. It seems to me that the two of us have never communicated as much as we did during this trip. Another time I had to drive all night from Chicago to Atlanta, and I took my son Greg with me. As we drove out of town, where there were no city lights, he remarked that he had never seen a star so clearly in his life. That night he and I talked about God's creation. As adults, most of our six children said: “Dad, some of the best moments of our lives were our trips with you.”

If you are very busy, find time to make up for it. I made appointments with my children. If you are short on time and don't make time for your children, you will lose them. If you get a call from someone who needs to meet with you, you say, “Listen, Joe, I have a meeting. We can meet tomorrow". You decide give preference to family.

2. Tell your children about God's love

In Deuteronomy 4, Moses tells the children of Israel the importance of obeying the Lord's decrees. And then he turns directly to his parents and grandparents. “Just beware and carefully guard your soul, so that you do not forget those deeds that your eyes have seen, and so that they do not leave your heart all the days of your life; And you shall tell them to your sons and to your sons’ sons” (Deuteronomy 4:9).

Perhaps you are one of those parents who came to Christ late in life and did not work spiritually with your children as well as you should. Well, now is your chance to try with your grandchildren. This opportunity does not mean that you will become a parent to your grandchildren. But you can always tell your grandchildren what the Lord has done for you, as Moses said. Talk to them. If you grew closer to Christ later in life, tell your grandchildren about it. Tell us what lessons you learned. Share real-life experiences that demonstrate God's love and mercy toward you.

Moses continues to explain the importance of such conversations by remembering how the Lord told him: “I will make My words known to them, by which they will learn to fear Me all the days they live on the earth and will teach their sons” (Deuteronomy 4:10). Children who have been taught the Word of the Lord correctly will teach their children.

How did we teach our children? Before I answer, I would like to say that it is possible to overdo it in this matter. You can't drill Christianity into your family's heads. If you are fanatical, you may be tempted to put pressure on them until they rebel. I met several people in seminary who were there not of their own free will or by God's calling, but rather to please their parents. And it's scary.

The most important thing we tried to do as a family was to go to Sunday worship. Even through the difficulties of adolescence, there was never a question of what we would do on Sunday morning. I was not yet a priest when the older children were in their teens, but despite this, the whole family went to church on Sunday morning. And if we traveled, we went to the temple, wherever we found ourselves.

I knew that if I cut my own children some slack, they would cut theirs free. If you make concessions, they will make even more concessions. Therefore, this issue was never in doubt. Thank God, all of our six children are Orthodox, with Orthodox spouses, and all of our 17 grandchildren are Orthodox. And every Sunday morning they are in church.

Now the Orthodox have more services than . What did we do? We were always on Saturday at the all-night vigil, at the Sunday liturgy, and at the main holiday services. Was it merciful? Undoubtedly. Would I really not let them go to a school function or a big football game on Saturday night? Of course this is not true. We just didn't want them to stay out so late that it might prevent them from participating in Sunday morning worship. On holidays, if they had a test the next day, did I force them to go to church? Of course not. I tried to adhere to the principle that Christ and the Church should come first, but not to force it. There was discipline, but there was also mercy.

We tried to maintain the same spirit at home prayer. When the children were little, we read Bible stories to them every night. We all prayed together. We always did this, and when they grew older, we taught them to say their own prayers in the evenings.

When we became Orthodox, we studied the church calendar. During the time of Rozhdestvensky and Lent, biblical passages from the Old and New Testaments appeared in the Lexicon magazine. During Christmas and Great Lent we read these passages every evening at the common table. If I was on the road, I would ask someone to read. Thus, our family observed spiritual fasting, which is prescribed by the Church during these two periods. If I was at home, I read and commented on passages. We discussed how the passage could be applied to our lives and how it related to Christmas and Lent.

The rest of the year, I would bless the food and then often the dinner conversation would be about Christ. If the children had questions, I opened the Scriptures with them. Thus, we found that the rhythm of the church year brought peace of mind.

3. Love your spouses.

Third, and I can't help but stress this, we are very supportive of our children when we love our spouses. Psychologists say that it is more important for children not so much to feel their parents’ love for themselves, but to know that dad and mom love each other. Children instinctively feel that if there is no more love in a marriage, then a little of it remains for them.

A beautiful passage from Ephesians describes such love. This is the passage that is read as the Apostolic Epistle at an Orthodox wedding. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church” (v. 25). This means, gentlemen, that we love her so much that we could die for her. We sacrifice ourselves for each other. This is what the crowns at the ceremony indicate. I love my wife more than I love my life. Crowns also indicate royal dignity. In my instructions at the wedding of my youngest son, I said: “Peter, treat her like a queen!” Christina, treat him like a king." This arrangement works great.

I also think we never stop caring for each other. Marilyn and I still go on dates, and we've been married for forty-five years! Sometimes you just need to relax, go somewhere together, talk and listen to each other and continue to be in love. Before, I asked a friend of mine who had a great relationship with his wife. I asked him what the secret was. He replied, “Try to find out what she likes and do it.” Marilyn loves shopping. At the beginning of our life together, we couldn’t afford anything, so we went and looked at windows after the shops had already closed.

Now, when I have a free day, I ask her: “What would you like to do, dear?”

She usually answers: “Let's go shopping.”

I put on a sports jacket and we drive downtown, I hold her hand while we window shop and I buy something for the grandchildren. Grow in your love, and never stop caring for each other.

4. Never punish in anger

There are times when things go poorly, even very badly. I would really like to tell you that none of our six children have ever been given a hard time. Or that mom or dad were absolutely infallible. I don't know a family where this happens. I would say that, comparatively speaking, three of our children were relatively easy to raise and three were more difficult. If one of them became stubborn in their teens, I would say to Marilyn, “Remember what we were like at that age? They are no different from us." I was, and some of it showed in our children.

St. John the Theologian said: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in the truth” (3 John 4). And vice versa. There is no greater heartache than when your children do not walk in the truth. We had some big troubles in the family. There were nights when my wife and I cried into our pillows trying to sleep. We said, “Lord, is there light at the end of this tunnel?”

As a young parent, I remembered one of the lines of the Old Testament from the Book of Proverbs of Solomon: “Train a young man in the beginning of his way; he will not turn away from it when he is old.” I assure you this promise from God is true. There were times when I doubted that our family would stand before the Lord in its entirety. I thank God for repentance and forgiveness, correction and His mercy.

Immediately after St. Apostle Paul's instruction on marriage in the Epistle to the Ephesians, he continues his teaching on the topic of the relationship between parents and children. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is what justice requires. “Honor your father and mother” is the first commandment with the promise: “that it may go well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (6 Eph 1-3). This is another sure promise. If a child obeys his parents, he will live a long life. That's why we teach them obedience.

It can be helpful to sit down with your children from time to time and remind them why it is so important. Because if children do not learn to submit to their parents, they will not learn to submit to the Lord. And the consequences of this are terrible, both in this and in the future life. Therefore, one of the reasons why we obey our dads and moms is that in this way we fulfill the Lord's commandments.

The next line shows us the other side of the coin: “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and admonition of the Lord” (6Eph4). I don’t remember where I got this idea (and I rarely invent them myself), but when I had to make comments to our daughters, I took them by the hand. When I was still a young father, I used to sit them on a chair and sit opposite them. But one day I told myself that this did not convey what I wanted to tell them. So I began to sit down with them on the sofa, took them by the hand, and, looking into their eyes, told them what I wanted from them.

When my daughters became adults, two of them, without saying a word, thanked me for holding their hand when I made comments to them. They both had friends whose fathers caused them great embarrassment with their perhaps too harsh manner of punishment. I urge fathers to beware of disciplining their children in a way that can create anger in them. After any edification, hug them and show them that you love them.

At times the father needs to refrain from punishing him because he himself is angry. Remember the line from The Incredible Hulk? "You may not like me when I'm angry." If this is true for a cartoon character, how much more true is it for a real-life father?

5. Help your children discern God's will.

Let's look again at the Book of Proverbs of Solomon: “Train up a young man when he begins his way; he will not turn away from it when he is old.” The phrase “he will not turn away from it when he is old” does not imply the path that you have determined for him. This is the path that the Lord determined for him. In other words, taking into account the child's gifts, his emotional makeup, his personality, his intellect, his calling, you must help him recognize the path that the Lord has determined for him.

I am very glad that Peter John is a seminarian and Wendy's husband is an Orthodox deacon. But that doesn't mean I'm any more happy for them than I am for Greg, who works in marketing, or for Terri, a mother of five, or for Ginger and Heidi, who work to help their husbands provide for their sons.

I repeat that our job as parents is to help our children determine what the Lord expects of them and then train them in that direction. Whatever their calling, business or law, sales or service to the Church, I want them to do their best in their work, for the Glory of God. And by the way, each of us is in the service of Christ according to the covenant of our Holy Baptism. Whether lay or clergy, we are all assigned to serve Him. Therefore, whatever we do, we strive to do it for the Glory of God.

These are the steps we tried to take in relation to our children. Thank God, these efforts have brought worthy results. At this stage of life, when there are only two of us left at home, it is pleasant to mentally return to the past years and thank the Lord for children, spouses, and grandchildren who are faithful members of the Church. There's nothing better than this.

This does not mean that there will never be any problems again. I am, of course, naive, but not so naive as to believe it. Troubles can happen in our lives. But as we say at weddings: “they lay the foundations of houses.” Our years are not a time to rest on our laurels, but a time of prayers of gratitude.

May the Lord give you the joy of raising your family in Christ, as we experienced it while raising our children.

Father Peter E. Gillquist – Director of the Department of Missionary and Evangelism of the Antiochian Orthodox Metropolis in North America, publisherConciliar Press. He and his wife Marilyn live in Santa Barbara, California.

*(Bethel College) Christian college in Minnesota.

** Campus Crusade for Christ - American Christian transnational mission

The article was first published in AGAIN magazine, issue 4, summer 2004. Translation from English by Marina Leontyeva, especially for “Orthodoxy and Peace”

Children in Orthodox society were raised to obey and honor their parents. Honoring one's mother and father was perceived as a commandment of God, without which it was impossible for a person to grow up successfully. And the woman knew her responsibility of family service and realized her duty to the spiritual education of children. Parents understood the need for wise pedagogical conversations with the child in the family.

Thus, all the most ancient Orthodox traditions define the special role of the family in raising children, and, consequently, in the formation of the entire Christian, Orthodox society and humanity as a whole. And the basis of raising children is the education of parents themselves. And this is the only true path.

Because only by your own example can you teach a child to love and honor their parents, to be morally and spiritually developed, honest and responsible, and to be ready to raise their children and take care of them. And do this also, based on your own examples and through educating yourself.

Based on an article by a Christian father
two children, pilgrim organizer
to the holy places of Russia, Alexander Kotilin.