Is the parent obligated? "Because I'm tired"

Hello!

You asked the lawyers a very important paid legal question, hoping to receive from them more complete explanations with links to the necessary regulations, rather than short answers without references to regulations.

You asked the lawyers a very important question for yourself. paid legal issue, hoping to receive from them more complete explanations with links to the necessary regulations, rather than short answers without references to regulations.

Your legal question is not simple.

Firstly, if your adopted child turns to a lawyer specializing in family matters, and not to a “general profile” lawyer, then he will help him (a 20-year-old child) properly file a claim against a magistrate on the basis of Articles 131, 132 of the Civil Procedure Code of the Russian Federation Federation, taking into account the provisions of Articles 60, 80, 81, 83, 107, 113, 120 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation.

Article 80. Responsibilities of parents for the maintenance of minor children

1. Parents are obliged to support their minor children. The procedure and form for providing maintenance to minor children are determined by the parents independently.

Parents have the right to enter into an agreement on the maintenance of their minor children (agreement on the payment of alimony) in accordance with Chapter 16 of this Code.

2. If parents do not provide maintenance to their minor children, funds for the maintenance of minor children (alimony) are collected from the parents in court.

3. In the absence of an agreement between the parents on the payment of alimony, in the event of failure to provide maintenance to minor children and in the absence of a claim in court, the guardianship and trusteeship authority has the right to file a claim for the recovery of alimony for minor children against their parents (one of them).

Article 107. Time limits for applying for alimony

1. A person entitled to receive alimony has the right to apply to the court for the recovery of alimony, regardless of the period that has expired from the moment the right to alimony arose, if alimony was not previously paid under an agreement on the payment of alimony.

2. Alimony is awarded from the moment you go to court.

Alimony for the past period can be recovered within a three-year period from the date of going to court, if the court establishes that before going to court, measures were taken to obtain funds for maintenance, but alimony was not received due to the evasion of the person obliged to pay alimony from paying it .

Article 113. Determination of alimony debt

1. Collection of alimony for the past period on the basis of an agreement on the payment of alimony or on the basis of a writ of execution is carried out within the three-year period preceding the presentation of the writ of execution or a notarized agreement on the payment of alimony for collection.

2. In cases where the withholding of alimony on the basis of a writ of execution or on the basis of a notarized agreement on the payment of alimony was not made through the fault of the person obliged to pay alimony, alimony is collected for the entire period, regardless of the three-year period established by paragraph 2 of Article 107 of this Code.

3. The amount of debt is determined by the bailiff based on the amount of alimony determined by a court decision or an agreement on the payment of alimony.

4. The amount of arrears in alimony paid for minor children in accordance with Article 81 of this Code is determined based on the earnings and other income of the person obligated to pay alimony for the period during which alimony was not collected. In cases where the person obligated to pay alimony did not work during this period or if documents confirming his earnings and (or) other income are not presented, alimony arrears are determined based on the average salary in the Russian Federation at the time of collection of the debt. If such a determination of the debt significantly violates the interests of one of the parties, the party whose interests are violated has the right to go to court, which can determine the debt in a fixed amount of money based on the financial and family status of the parties and other noteworthy circumstances.

5. If you disagree with the determination of alimony debt by the bailiff, any of the parties may appeal the actions of the bailiff in the manner prescribed by civil procedural legislation.

6. The amounts of the monthly child benefit established by federal law, paid during the search for his parents who are evading payment of alimony, in part of their fifty percent increase, are recovered from these parents with an accrual of ten percent of the paid amounts to the income of the budgets of the constituent entities of the Russian Federation. These requirements are equivalent to demands for payment of alimony.

Secondly, if the magistrate satisfies her claim, then you will have to forget about the provisions of Article 87 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation in old age.

It is good to know your rights and obligations defined by regulations, but it is better to be able to use them in practice to benefit yourself, and not vice versa.

A specific lawyer can help you understand this in more detail, incl. from this site by agreement, after receiving more complete and necessary information on the legal issue and (or) copies of the necessary documents.

The mother of a teenager believes that raising a child should be a joy, not a “lifelong bondage.” And he cites the example of schools in other countries of the world where homework has already been abolished. Numerous responses under the publication confirm that these thoughts are in tune with many other parents.

Why do you need homework?

The education system positions homework as a way to reinforce the theory presented during lessons. In fact, doing homework becomes a family affair, where whole evenings pass, and the atmosphere there is not always pleasant.

Entrepreneur Natalya Romankevich(mother of three children aged 7, 9 and 16 years) has a positive attitude towards homework, but doing the work of a teacher at home, in her opinion, is unacceptable.

Not every parent has pedagogical knowledge and material on subjects. In principle, a parent should not do work that is not theirs. Teaching children is work that requires professional qualifications. Plus, it's paid. And if a child cannot independently do homework on the material covered, this is a minus for the teacher who was unable to convey the material to the student.

Photo source: author's archive

Today, the concept of “doing homework” in most cases includes reading paragraphs, solving problems and examples, and memorizing formulas. Therefore, children perceive it as a heavy duty, which completely discourages the desire to learn, Natalya believes. Children need adequate tasks and in adequate volume.

The teacher must understand that a child in primary school cannot print out a report - he can only write it. And only if he is interested and wants to get additional assessment.

Natalya herself never does homework for the children, but she can check their preparation at any time. Children know this, so they always prepare. Or almost always...

The school should control the children!

And here family psychologist and mother of five children Natalya Taran argues that the role of controller in completing homework should be given to the school. According to her, parents have a completely different function - to be an assistant.

Why does a child need two controllers? Let the teacher control, and it is enough for parents to teach the child to learn, that is, to organize the process correctly. I came home, ate, rested a little (and didn’t sit on the gadget!), took a walk - and got to work! Of course, at the first stage, parents have a high level of anxiety about their child’s academic performance. But, believe me, it is important for you to know one thing: the child is learning. And this is a process in which there will be failures, but successes will certainly come if the motivation is positive.

Instead of reproaches and criticism, parents should say these phrases more often:

“Today you completed the task much faster than yesterday...”
“This time you turned out such beautiful letters...”
“And in the example you made almost no mistakes...”

If a child sits for a long time at lessons, this, according to the psychologist, indicates that the learning process is organized incorrectly.

It seems to me that parents lack an educational base on how to teach their child self-organization. Sitting down, forcing, checking, controlling - that's what most parents do. Although it’s enough to simply teach a child to organize himself. After all, in the end, all parents are obliged to teach their children to do without adults. That is life. And doing homework is also an element of such learning.

For reference:

To understand whether your child is coping with his studies without harm to his health, temporary standards for completing homework have been developed. 1st grade - no homework given; 2nd grade - no more than 1 hour 20 minutes; 3-4 grades - 1.5 hours; 5-6 grades - 2 hours; 7-8 grades - 2.5 hours; Grades 9-11 - 3 hours. At the same time, tasks of increased complexity are given only at the request of the student, and during the holidays there should be no “homework!”

Where have homework been canceled?

And yet, many modern schools in America, France, Great Britain, and the Netherlands consider homework a relic of the past and boldly abandon it.

In return, parents are offered to organize their schoolchildren’s leisure time on their own: hobby groups, joint family dinners, conversations, reading books, walks on the street - there are a lot of options.

At the same time, homework is needed in our education system, says family psychologist Natalya Taran.

To consolidate knowledge on a particular subject, send it to a long-term memory cell and subsequently apply it in practice, it you need to repeat at least 7 times, and better - 180. Therefore, homework is effective as a means, but its form could become more modern.

It seems to me that homework will eventually cease to be written, in notebooks with margins... They will move to the computer, and certain elements of creativity will be added. But they themselves will remain, because their effect is great: they provide not only academic knowledge, but also discipline and instill responsibility. And these qualities will certainly be useful to our children in adulthood.

Natalia Lenskaya

Do you do homework with your child?

When someone owes someone something, it means that the balance in the relationship is out of balance. That is, only one of them gave something, and only one took something.

This is relevant for many people; I am asked about this all the time. Why, I myself have been searching within myself for a long time for the answer to this question. Or even questions:

• Why do parents often expect their children to repay some debt?
• Do children owe their parents anything?
• And if so, what? How much and how should you give?
• And if not, then what to do? Should I ignore these requests?

I would like to say, first of all, how we can avoid becoming like that ourselves (after all, you can’t change your parents and their position, and there’s no need to). Let's try to figure this out.

Why does this happen, why do parents expect their children to repay some debt? Based on what? Why do parents have so much anxiety and children feel so guilty about this? Where did the mistake and injustice creep in? Who owes it to whom? And should you?

When someone owes someone something, it means that the balance in the relationship is out of balance. That is, only one of them gave something, and only one took something.

Over time, debt has accumulated, and the first person has a feeling inside that he was deceived and used - everything was taken and nothing was given. I will not consider the situation when the first gave many years selflessly to the second. In this world, selflessness practically does not exist. Even in the relationship between parents and children.

In their care for their children, parents keep in mind at least a glass of water, which the child must still bring. They expect care in weakness, and financial assistance, and that they will continue to be obeyed, and that children will live the way their parents want, and reasons for pride and boasting, and attention. And they are waiting for a lot of things. Even if they don't explicitly say so. But on what basis?

Parents really invest a lot in their children - time, nerves, money, health, strength. For many years. They often have to push their desires into the background - for the sake of the child. Doing what you don’t want to do is, again, for his sake. Give up something, sacrifice something - at least your own sleep for several years. Who said that being parents is easy and simple?

Years pass, and suddenly - or not suddenly - the child hears transparent hints or direct instructions about what exactly he owes his parents and how. But how legal and justified is this? Does he really owe anything? And where does this feeling of injustice come from?

Parents are worried because their parenthood seemed to them like a huge unrequited sacrifice. A one-way process that does not provide any bonuses or joys. They suffered for twenty years and now they are waiting for this whole disgrace to be somehow rewarded. They gave a lot and received nothing. Nothing at all. There must be justice! But is it?

No. This world is always fair in everything. Children actually give a lot to their parents. More precisely, God gives us so much through children! Can't even describe it in words. Their hugs, declarations of love, funny words, first steps, dances and songs... Even just the sight of a little sleeping angel - God created them so cute! During the first five years of life, so much happiness emanates from a child that it attracts adults like a magnet. Then there are also many different bonuses, albeit in slightly less concentration. That is, through children, God also gives a lot to parents, and such things that money cannot buy and cannot be found on the road. And everything is fair, everything is compensated - the parents work, the Lord rewards them. Immediately, at the same point. You didn’t sleep at night - and in the morning you get a smile, a walk and new skills.

But in order to receive all these bonuses, you need to be close to your children. And to have the strength and desire to enjoy it - which is also important. See all these gifts, be grateful for them.

It is in their childhood years, when they are small, that all this happiness radiates from them just like that, every minute. The way they smell, laugh, swear, get offended, love, make friends, explore the world - all this cannot but please the loving heart of parents. Happiness in our heart is the reward for our labors.

Then why do parents feel that someone owes them something? Because they were not around the children, and all these bonuses and joys were received by someone else - a grandmother, a nanny or a kindergarten teacher (although the latter probably did not take advantage of this either). Parents had no time to breathe on their children's heads and hug them in the middle of the night. You need to work, to realize yourself. You need to run somewhere, the children won’t run away, just think, baby! You can’t talk to him, you can’t discuss the day, he doesn’t seem to understand anything, he doesn’t care who rocks and feeds him. Relationships with babies often do not fit into our understanding of relationships - whatever it is, just wash, feed and put them to bed. We have no time to admire our sleeping children, the fatigue is so strong that we can only fall somewhere in another room. There is no time to study grasshoppers and flowers with him. There is no strength to draw, sculpt, or sing together. All forces remain in the office.

But even if mom doesn’t work, most likely she doesn’t care about these strange “bonuses” and little things either. This is some kind of nonsense, a waste of precious time (as well as for herself), but she needs to clean the house, cook food, take the child to the club, go to the store. She can’t lie next to him and chat in his incomprehensible language, it’s stupid. There is no strength and no time at all to just look into his eyes and breathe out all the tension. And if we go on business, then we need to go quickly, and not stop at every pebble. Although mom is physically nearby, all these bonuses quickly fly past her. And often a non-working mother has even more complaints about her children - she even sacrificed her self-realization for them, not working, so that the potential bill will be even higher.

Sometimes you really want to stop some mother running somewhere with a stone face! Stop, mom, the biggest miracle is nearby! And it can't wait!

It grows every minute and gives you so many miracles and happiness, and you let it all pass by, not paying attention! It’s as if you’re building a very important sand castle, but you don’t notice the grains of gold in the sand.

I also often stop myself when I suddenly have more important things to do than read a book, play Lego with them, or just lie next to a sleeping miracle. Where am I going? And for what? Maybe it's better to let happiness penetrate my heart right now and melt it?

As a result of all this, we get a situation where people worked for many years, worked quite hard (how can this be simple?), and their honestly earned wages were given out somewhere else, to some other people. Because they were exactly where it was needed. For example, while mom and dad are working hard to pay off the mortgage on their huge house and pay for the nanny, this nanny is experiencing happiness, she is enjoying life in this house with these children (I have such happy and fulfilled nannies who are delighted with children and I saw a lot of communication with them when we lived in a village near St. Petersburg). Or it may be that no one received all these joys - no one needed them, and after many years the child himself already believed that there was nothing interesting or good in him.

At the same time, a person who has worked hard and for a long time still wants a salary after twenty years - for all these years at once! And he demands - from those for whose sake he suffered. Who else has it? But they don't give it. So there remains dissatisfaction, a feeling of deception and betrayal...

But whose problem is it if we ourselves don’t come to collect our parents’ “salary” every single day? Who is to blame that we forget that everything in the world will pass, and children will only be little once? Who is responsible for the fact that career and achievements are more important to us than children’s heads and conversations with them? Who pays for our decision when we are ready to send our children to kindergartens, nurseries, nannies, grandmothers for the sake of some achievements, losing contact with them and losing everything that the Lord so generously gives us through children?

It is useless to expect repayment of debt from adult children. They won't be able to give you what you want because they have already given you so much without you taking it all.

Children do not repay the debt to their parents, they give the same to their children, and this is the wisdom of life. And drinking juice from adult children means thereby depriving your own grandchildren, sad as it may be.

“Sorry, mom, I can’t help you now. What I owe you, I will give to my children. I am ready to give you gratitude, respect, and the necessary care if required. That's all. I can't help you anymore. Even if I really want to."

This is the only way an adult child can respond to his parents demanding repayment of the debt. Of course, he can try, throw all his strength into it, his whole life, giving up his future, investing not in his children, but in his parents. But neither side will have any satisfaction from this.

We don't owe our parents anything directly. We owe all this to our children. This is our duty. Become parents and pass it all on. Give all the strength of the family forward, leaving nothing behind. In the same way, our children do not owe us anything. They don't even have to live the way we want and be happy the way we see it.

Our only payment for everything is respect and gratitude. For everything that was done for us, how it was done, to what extent. Respect, no matter how our parents behave, no matter what feelings they evoke in us. Respect for those through whom our souls came into this world, who took care of us in the days of our greatest helplessness and vulnerability, who loved us as best they could and as best they could - with all their spiritual strength (it’s just that not everyone has a lot of strength).

Of course, we are responsible for the last years of our parents’ lives, when they can no longer take care of themselves. It's not even a duty, it's just human. Do everything possible to help parents recover, make their life and days of weakness easier. If we cannot sit next to a sick parent, hire him a good nurse, find a good hospital where proper care will be provided, and, if possible, visit him and pay attention. It would also be good to help them “leave this body correctly.” That is, help them prepare for this transition by reading books. Communicating about this with spiritual people. But it's not a duty. This goes without saying if we have retained something human within ourselves.

Our children don't owe us anything else. And we don't owe it to our parents. Only respect and gratitude - directly. And passing on the most valuable things further. To give to our children no less than we ourselves received. And it’s better to give even more, especially love, acceptance and tenderness.

Therefore, in order not to stand with an outstretched hand near their house in old age, demanding payments, learn to enjoy today what is so generously given to you from above.

Hug them, play around with them, laugh together, smell the tops of their heads, chat about nothing without rushing anywhere, lie in bed, sing, dance, discover this world together - you never know the different opportunities to experience happiness with your children!

And then the difficulties don't seem so difficult. And the job of a mother is so thankless and burdensome. Just think about a sleepless night, you cuddle the little delicious-smelling body of an angel, he will lay his chubby hand on you - and life will immediately become easier. At least a little. Or not even a little bit. published

School and family are responsible for the education and upbringing of children, so they must be in close cooperation. For now, the main way of interaction between family and school remains parent meetings – school-wide and classroom meetings.

Classroom parent meetings are held by the class teacher in accordance with his job responsibilities, usually once every quarter.

For teachers and parents, classroom parent meetings serve as a place for mutual information about the education and upbringing of schoolchildren, setting common goals, creating a team of like-minded people, teaching parents methods of education, organizing joint events with students, etc.

Why don't parents like going to parent-teacher conferences?

Because many parents consider parent meetings a waste of time and empty chatter.

Some typical comments from parents about classroom parent meetings on the Internet :

— The methodology for holding class meetings is almost always the same: at the beginning they complain that parents do not attend meetings well, then they hand out sheets of paper with the children’s grades. Unflattering comments follow, and parents take turns shrinking into a ball at their desks, turning red and pale, or starting to argue with teachers, often in a raised voice.

— In the 12 years my son spent at school, I cannot remember a single meeting with pleasure. Tedious work, constant reprimands for everyone and for everything, rare praise for one or two excellent students.

— When it comes to financial issues, I want only one thing - to give as much money as they say and to leave the premises as soon as possible.

—I would gladly pay for someone to go there for me and check in.

— By and large, the teacher doesn’t care who comes: mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, neighbor or Uncle Vitya. The main thing is that he shows up, receives information, votes and donates money when and how much is needed.

— Parent-teacher conference is a very long, drawn-out video that we are forced to watch.

— We had a class teacher who constantly made us depressed and treated the children’s parents like guilty schoolchildren.

Unfortunately, positive comments are much less common.

In Moscow, they proposed solving the issue of attending school-wide meetings via the Internet. Parents of each student can get answers to general questions related to education at online meetings. All questions are discussed online. Such meetings are usually held once every two weeks. In this case, parents of schoolchildren do not need to attend meetings. For now this is being carried out as part of an experiment.

Are parents required to attend meetings?

Sometimes class teachers require the mandatory presence of parents at meetings. Those who do not show up are asked to write an explanatory note or are called for a conversation with the school director. Is this legal?

According to the Federal Law “On Education in the Russian Federation” (Article 44), parents have the right:

• get acquainted with the content of education, the methods of teaching and upbringing used, educational technologies, as well as assessments of the child’s progress;
• receive information about all types of planned examinations of the student and give consent to conduct such examinations;
• take part in the management of the organization.

Parent meetings, open days, open lessons for parents are a form of exercising the rights of parents to participate in the management of an educational institution and receive information about the educational process.

However, the Law does not regulate attendance at parent-teacher meetings as the responsibility of parents. Therefore, the law does not provide for administrative liability for parents not attending parent-teacher meetings at school. Moreover, schools are not an organization that can fine participants in the educational process for certain actions. Also, the school does not have the right to oblige parents to write explanatory notes.

If parents are unable to attend meetings, they can obtain the information they need by attending individual consultations. Each teacher has scheduled hours during his working hours for individual conversations with parents. During such individual meetings, issues that directly relate to the child’s school life, learning and behavior are discussed.

At the same time, parents must participate in the process of raising and educating their children. Therefore, if parents do not systematically attend parent-teacher meetings and are not interested in their child’s school life, then this situation should alert the teacher and the school.

It often happens that parents, due to being busy at work, cannot attend the meeting in person, and the children’s grandparents come to the meeting instead. Is this legal?

If parents warn the class teacher that a grandparent will come to the meeting instead of them, then this is quite possible. There are no legal grounds to deny them presence at the parent-teacher meeting. However, the official representatives of the child are the parents, and only they have the right to resolve certain issues that arise during the discussion with the parents and the teacher.

What to do?

Today the situation has changed significantly: most parents have access to the Internet, each school has its own website, which contains all the information necessary for parents, students have electronic diaries, using which parents can track the successes and failures in their children’s education, receive advice from teachers, receive certain information about the student via SMS messages, etc. Thus, parents can obtain a significant amount of necessary information via the Internet.

From the parents' point of view:

• the parent meeting should be as informative as possible, and the information should be equally important for all parents;
• the mistakes and misdeeds of children should not be discussed publicly, as well as their appearance;
• resolving financial issues should not be the main topic of discussion;
• It is advisable for the topics of upcoming parent-teacher meetings to be discussed and agreed upon with parents in advance;
• parents attend meetings with interest where a school psychologist is present and answers questions;
• The presence of subject teachers at class meetings is not advisable, because this often leads to conflict situations and meaningless squabbles, because among parents there will always be at least one dissatisfied with the quality of teaching.

Therefore, today's parents' meeting should be non-traditional. This means that at parent meetings, methods and techniques should be used that activate the attention of parents, make it easier to remember the essence of conversations, and create a special mood for a friendly, frank, business-like conversation.

Non-traditional methods of holding parent-teacher meetings increase parents’ interest in issues of raising children, significantly improve turnout, and motivate parents to solve parenting problems.

Dear parents! Help the school make your parent-teacher conference interesting!

P.S. Scenarios for parent meetings in a non-traditional form, as well as methods for conducting them, can be found on the Internet.

In preparation we used:

Attending class parent-teacher conferences – is it necessary or obligatory?