Star news
Age-unequal marriage, as they call it. Unequal marriage: reasons, pros and cons
An interesting detail, although this word came from France a very long time ago, it did not have a Russian spelling until 1917 years. In the dictionaries of that time they wrote “mesalliance”.
The most famous misalliances
- Emperor of All Rus' Alexander II took Princess Catherine Dolgorukaya as his wife. Although Princess Catherine had noble ancestors from the Rurik family, society condemned this marriage.
- Prince Edward 8 of Wales was married to a non-noble and poor American citizen named Bessie Wallis Warfield. Because of this marriage, Edward 8 lost his throne.
- In 2001, the prince of the tiny country of Liechtenstein married an American woman of African descent named Angela Brown. An interesting detail is that this lady is 11 years older than the prince.
- In Japan, Princess Sayako fell in love and married a commoner. Because of this, she was stripped of her title.
- In 2001, the Prince of Norway married a young student, Mette Høiby. An interesting detail is that this lady had a child with a man who was in prison for drug trafficking.
- In Russia 13 century, the prince from Murom was seriously ill, but he was married to the daughter of a beekeeper named Fevronya. The prince fell in love with this young enchantress and immediately got married. However, his boyars did not recognize the commoner and wanted her expulsion. As a result, the prince settled on the banks of the Oka River, and then became a monk.
- Winston Churchill was married to Jenny Jerome, the daughter of a millionaire who acquired his fortune through stock market fraud.
- The Italian prince Vittorio Emanuel was married to Princess Elena of Montenegro. An interesting detail. The prince was the heir to the throne, and this lady was from a poor European province.
It is worth noting the painting by the great Russian artist Vasily Pukirev, which is called "Unequal Marriage"
Vasily Pukirev
The artist was born in 1832 year in a peasant family. He entered the Moscow School of Painting, where he studied for nine years. After graduating from this institution, he received the title “Free Artist”. IN 1861 year becomes a teacher at the school. Having become seriously ill in 1873 year he decides to give up his teaching position.He began to live on a tiny pension and died at the age of 58 years old. The painting named by him " Unequal marriage"is located in the Tretyakov Gallery.
Vasily Pukirev is the author of such paintings as Reception of the Dowry (1873), Trouble (1870), Collecting Arrears (1870), Quarrel (1865), In the Artist's Studio (1865), Sexton Explaining the Picture of the Last Judgment (1868), In the Reception of the Concessionaire ( 1873).
In the public consciousness regarding what a family should be, the idea has been deposited that a man and a woman entering into marriage must meet certain criteria, in particular, that the man must be several years older than the woman, or that the man must earn more than the woman. But today, more and more often, a woman and a man enter into a socially unequal marriage.
Types of marriage
Today there are marriages that are concluded for different purposes and for certain reasons. Marriages can be divided into several types: marriage of convenience, trial marriage, civil marriage, fictitious, and remarriage:
Marriage of convenience
Marriages of convenience have existed since ancient times, when questions arose regarding the division of territories and issues related to finances. Such a marriage was considered quite normal. Today, when a woman and a man enter into such a relationship, they must fully understand all its advantages and disadvantages.
Trial marriage
This marriage is to some extent similar to a civil one. Before getting married, a woman and a man agree to live in a trial marriage in order to better know and understand each other. And after a certain time of living together, they decide to officially register the marriage or separate.
Civil marriage
Today, more and more people prefer civil marriage. A civil marriage is practically no different from an official one; a man and a woman also solve everyday problems. A man in such a marriage feels free and unencumbered. And a woman, after unsuccessful previous marriages, does not want to repeat previous mistakes, so a civil marriage suits her.
Fictitious marriage
Such a marriage is only a formality, even though the relationship is registered. In reality, there is no family. A fictitious marriage is concluded for selfish purposes on both or one side.
Remarriage
Divorced people will sooner or later have a desire to find happiness and love again. Many married couples separate and try to start a family again. As a rule, second marriages are more successful than first ones, because the woman and the man already have experience in relationships, and they will certainly try to avoid the same problems that occurred in the previous marriage.
What kind of marriage is called unequal?
Marriage unequal in social status, or misalliance, has existed since ancient times, and it cannot be said that the whole society has an unambiguous attitude towards such unions. Today there are and have been married couples who build a family life as they see fit, and not as dictated by ideas established by society. Back in the 17th century. Such marriages took place. A man and a woman who belonged to different classes entered into marriage. But then, besides this, there was a difference in worldview, in education, and everyone had their own values.
Today, an unequal marriage is a marriage in which the spouses are different in age, in height, different in social status, different in external attractiveness.
Society is especially wary of unions in which there is a large age difference between the spouses, and it does not matter whether the spouse is older. Such marriages are regarded as a desire of one of the spouses to improve their financial situation at the expense of the other. If this is not the case, then the majority believe that the man and woman are still trying to solve or hide problems associated with psychological or physiological aspects. In fact, people who have little in common with each other can get married, but for some couples this can lead to conflict, while others will see only positive aspects in this, regardless of the opinions of others, will treat each other with care, and keep their relationship.
Social elevator, what is it?
In psychology, there is such a concept as a social elevator; it means a transition from one social position to another, as a rule, this is a movement in the direction from the bottom up. One of the options for a social elevator is when a man marries a wealthy lady, or when a woman marries a wealthy man. This model of marriage is depicted in many films, literary works, and this model is also used by millions of men and women who believe that this method is the best option to arrange their destiny.
At the same time, the social and financial opportunities of the spouse become available to the man or woman. Marriage as a social elevator can be based both on calculation and on mutual, pure love.
misalliance
misalliance, m. (fr. mеsalliance) (colloquial obsolete). In a bourgeois-noble society - marriage with a person of lower social status, class. The mother lamented that Ksenia was abandoning the brilliant match and making a misalliance. Stanyukovich.
New explanatory dictionary of the Russian language, T. F. Efremova.
misalliance
m. outdated
Marriage to a person of lower social status.
misalliance
Encyclopedic Dictionary, 1998
MESALLIANCE (French mesalliance) marriage with a person of lower social status (obsolete).
Wikipedia
Misalliance Misalliance
- unequal marriage, initially a marriage between people of different social status, between people of different classes, differing in property status. Used for a superior party, as in marriage with a person of lower social status.
In most cases, as a result of an unequal marriage, the spouse of lower social origin achieved the same position as the higher-ranking spouse. For example, in Russia, a woman who married a nobleman became a noblewoman herself. If this does not happen, then such an unequal marriage is called morganatic.
In class society, misalliance was, as a rule, condemned. This was especially true in ancient India, where in some cases it was punishable by death, and children from such a marriage found themselves outside the class, that is, in social status below both parents.
The theme of misalliance was often used in works of the 18th - early 20th centuries. One of George Bernard Shaw's plays is called "Misalliance."
Examples of the use of the word misalliance in literature.
Everything here is full of sharp carnival contrasts, misalliances, ambivalence, reductions and debunkings.
And the earthly plane in the menippea is carnivalized: behind almost all the scenes and events of real life, in most cases depicted naturalistically, the carnival square with its specific carnival logic of familiar contacts shines through more or less clearly, misalliances, disguises and hoaxes, contrasting paired images, scandals, crownings and debunkings, etc.
Rejection of this misalliance resulted in pursing of lips, a long silence, to which Tomoya, frightened to death, but not the least bit repentant, was subjected.
You, Mr. Lieutenant Colonel, your honor, do not hesitate, misalliance will not be.
The above comparisons of Dostoevsky are highly characteristic and at the same time sound like a typical carnival misalliance.
The mystery with which this marriage was prepared and the inappropriate haste with its conclusion greatly surprised the entire Castilian court, as, in fact, did the very fact of this union, which in a certain sense resembled misalliance.
Maxwell cast a fierce glance at him, but, realizing that no satisfaction could be obtained from Sir Mungo, and that continuing an argument with such an adversary would only make him ridiculous and divulge the secret misalliance, of which he had no reason to be proud, he hid his indignation under a mocking smile and, expressing regret at the deafness of Sir Mango, which prevented him from understanding what was said to him, he proceeded further and stood at the double door to the audience hall, where he was to act as master of ceremonies as soon as the door opened.
It is possible that she will persuade her uncle to agree to this misalliance- just for fun, because she is a well-known prankster among us.
I even agree misalliance, as long as your chosen one is a nobleman and a Catholic.
Since he once, in order to please his passions, went to misalliance, jeopardizing his future, he is quite capable of not giving a damn about all political calculations, marrying Blanca and forcibly taking away the royal crown from Robert the Third, as his father almost did when the late Robert the Second did not agree of his own free will to give him his daughter.
Not a single woman in the theater could compete with her in nobility of appearance, and yet, with the exception of one of her grandmothers, Anne du Mesnil, who came from a noble Norman family and committed misalliance, Marie Duplessis's ancestors were footmen and peasants.
Let's say, Grand Duchess Maria Nikolaevna was married, and very happily, to one of Beauharnais, but her father considered this marriage misalliance and couldn’t stand my daughter’s husband.
The Goulds condemned this misalliance, especially since the new colonel was a Catholic - at that time the law deprived the papists of even many ordinary civil rights.
And if, in addition, she has a good fortune and a good cook, people will even come to her for dinner, regardless of what she has done. misalliance, and will honor Mr. Piozzi with their kind attention.
She boldly, but not very successfully, neglected the ancient covenant to avoid misalliances, married a purebred proletarian - the son of a hereditary worker of the Tula arms factory from the famous settlement of Chulkovo.
There are many different borrowed words in the Russian language. Among others, there is a beautiful word “mesalliance”. This is an unequal union. It is this concept that this article is devoted to.
Historical meaning
When the trees were big and people were not so advanced, everything happened on earth in much the same way. Women wanted to marry young and handsome (and if they were lucky, also rich), and men fell to their knees before beauty.
In obedience to their passions, men and women did not pay attention to social prejudices. Simply put, they entered into unequal alliances. It is this kind of marriage, as we understand it, that is called “misalliance.” This is when a man or woman is higher than their partner in social status. Thus, the poorer person automatically has a selfish motive. Or rather, this is how society begins to think.
This will probably require some decoding. Misalliance is when a nobleman marries a peasant woman, and she, accordingly, becomes a noblewoman. Remember the plot of “Poor Lisa”. If Erast had been honest with the girl, it would have been a purely unequal marriage. But there it all ended sadly: Lisa died, and Erast sold himself for money to a rich but ugly widow.
Some readers will say: “Wait, wait! So the union of the widow and Erast is a misalliance!” The meaning of this word is already more or less clear to us. What can I say, the reader is quick-witted.
Modern unequal marriage
One should not think that unequal marriages are a thing of the past along with noble titles. No, of course, some have them, but the nobles now are exclusively rich people who need, figuratively speaking, another “stripe on their sleeve.”
Unequal marriage also became somewhat different. Here again we need to clarify. Misalliance (the meaning of the word has not undergone transformations) still exists, but now women and men (yes, they are also among the contenders) are hunting exclusively for connections and money of potential partners.
In order to truly penetrate into the linguistic essence of the concept of “mesalliance”, it is necessary to consider the psychological aspects of the phenomenon of unequal marriage, i.e. its advantages and disadvantages.
Advantages of Unequal Marriage
No phenomenon appears to be absolutely bad. The same is true with unequal marriage. Its advantages are that it satisfies the needs of a woman or man if he or she is looking for social security and material security.
The most interesting thing is that such people, as a rule, do not care at what cost a certain level of well-being is achieved. Next, let's talk about the disadvantages of such a phenomenon as misalliance (this is an unequal marriage, in other words).
Disadvantages of a socially unequal union
There are, of course, more disadvantages to this arrangement of life. The side that is not equal is always indebted to the one that rises above it.
Young girls who marry old men usually end up in a golden cage. Then, if they are lucky, they find young and passionate lovers. If not, then they live with the old man until he steps into eternity. At this point the circle closes: now an elderly woman - a widow - acts as a source of inequality in relations.
Besides the obvious lack of freedom, the older and wealthier partner treats the less wealthy and younger party as a mentor. The young wife is stupid and doesn’t understand life at all.
As a result, the woman is under constant, intense pressure. True, some can’t stand the heat and leave. The only problem is that it is not so easy to leave rich people, especially when they are interested in maintaining the relationship.
Now we understand that unequal marriage is rather a negative concept.
Other uses
The advantage of language is that it is a living formation, i.e. the meanings and meanings in it are unstable and changeable. And now people are moving away from the canonical meaning of the word “misalliance” and using it in a figurative sense.
For example, when a person, according to society, is not suitable for a certain business or a certain job, they say that this is a misalliance, meaning the position and the employee. The most interesting thing is that this value now prevails over the main one. For example, football coach Rafael Benitez and the Real Madrid club are a misalliance, according to football fans.
Unequal marriage is a marriage in which one of the spouses is much older than the other. More often in such a marriage, the husband is much older than the wife and the age difference in such a marriage can reach more than 20 years.
Most people are calm about the fact that an older man marries a young girl. However, no one believes in love between a middle-aged woman and a young man old enough to be her son.
Despite the prevailing stereotypes, a difference of 15-20 years in favor of a woman is considered a biological and social norm, and the opinion that a woman ages faster than a man is nothing more than a delusion. Scientists have proven that if the peak of male sexual activity occurs at the age of 35-40 years, then the peak of female sexual activity occurs at 45-50 years! It is this woman’s age that can be considered “Balzac’s”, and not at all the notorious 35, as it was in Balzac’s time. It’s not for nothing, apparently, that the proverb is so popular among the people that “at 45, a woman is a berry again!” Just at this time, many women, against the background of changes in hormonal levels, are able to experience stronger sexual sensations than at the age of 20. Sexual desire intensifies, a special romanticism arises, which, of course, cannot but attract people of the opposite sex.
There are many examples confirming this truth. It is known, for example, that glorified by Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin Anna Petrovna Kern married for the second time to Alexander Vasilievich Markov-Vinogradsky, who was 20 years younger than her! And, what is noteworthy, this marriage union arose precisely out of love. This is evidenced by an entry in the diary of the “young” spouse:
“It's good to love! And I love her, my Annette, very much! Everything that is done is from God, and our union, no matter how strange it may be, is blessed by HIM!..”
The marriage of the great French singer is also indicative in this sense. Edith Piaf, whose last husband Theo almost old enough to be her grandchildren. Edith was neither a model of morality nor a standard of beauty - she had been drinking almost since adolescence, subsequently became addicted to drugs, with her fingers curled with rheumatism... But this was also, albeit very unusual, but still love!
The same can be said about marriage. Agatha Christie And Max Malone, who was 15 years younger than the detective queen. When Max first proposed marriage to Agatha, she refused, because she believed that in the company of a mature lady he would waste his youth and would not be able to have children. But Max convinced her. Their marriage was very strong and harmonious.
Modern psychologists argue that in the relationship between a man and a woman, one of the fundamental factors is not age at all (and especially not the age difference), but the so-called psychological compatibility of partners, as well as knowledge of some wisdom that can make a marriage truly strong. Perhaps these wisdom are used by mature, experienced women.
To strengthen your marriage, you need to:
Leave at least two evenings a week free to spend together (or with your family).
Learn to overcome vanity. For example, a man whose wife earns more should be proud of his “other half” and not envy her. A woman whose husband suddenly became unemployed or for some reason switched to a less paid job needs to be not only tactful, but also strong in order to continue to inspire the head of the family.
Try to be flexible (flexible). If a man is making a career or starting his own business, and his wife wants, for example, to study, then he should adapt to the desires and aspirations of his spouse without entering into conflict. Adapting does not mean ceasing to be yourself. The more a person preserves his personality, his individuality, the more careful he will be towards his marriage partner.
A clash of opinions and emotions should not be avoided. The strongest relationships are those in which partners openly discuss or dispute any issues, rather than harboring resentment within themselves. However, frankness, which is an important condition for normal relationships between members of a marriage, does not always have to be absolute. A little mystery can make them more interesting and exciting.
You can’t remember only your spouse’s mistakes. Happy couples, even after many years of marriage, look up to each other, slightly idealizing each other, which further strengthens their marriage.
