“Love” is... when you are ready to play the role of a victim until the end, usually yours. Difficult relationships: how not to lose yourself in love with a man? How not to lose in a relationship

Everyone knows what an ideal husband should be like - a blind-deaf-mute sea captain. What should a woman be like so that a man doesn’t even think about leaving her?

Of course, becoming the one and only one for a man is not an easy task, but this does not mean at all that you can sit back, complain... and do nothing. No one can stop you from taking at least one step towards the ideal.

1. Be different

At one time, Coco Chanel said that a woman, in order to become irreplaceable, must constantly change. This rule also works with an individual man, especially if it’s not just about regularly changing his image. Be different - a little girl who you want to pat on the head and sit on your lap, a lover obsessed with sex pleasures, a zealous housewife who is responsible for the family life, a proud and unapproachable princess, for whose smile a man would not be sorry to give half his kingdom. The most important thing is not to “get stuck” in any one form for a long time, change them! Predictability is your main enemy, there is nothing worse than a woman whose husband knows her “like crazy” and can predict how she will behave and what she will say tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, in a year...

2. Accept a man for who he is

Remember that the first kiss or the purple stamp in your passport is not an indulgence that gives you the right to any transformation of the object. Would you like it if a man began to endlessly make comments to you, just because he knows that you should or shouldn’t, or he wanted to play Pygmalion? Don't saw! Do not demand that your loved one fully conform to your ideal. Do not focus on his shortcomings, do not notice them, but gently and tactfully offer other options. And praise every time he pleases you (you can raise not only men, but also children in a similar way).

3. Be reliable

Behave in such a way that the man knows that he can rely on you in difficult times, and you are next to him not only in joy, but also in sorrow. And instead of bringing down a hail of reproaches on him at the moment when he himself understands that he is to blame, you will find words of encouragement for him. As practice shows, point No. 3 cannot be effective without point No. 2.

4. Love yourself

A woman who does not love herself is certainly of interest to a man - but purely utilitarian. It’s comfortable to be with her, but it’s unlikely that you have the same feelings for a free housekeeper, cook, nanny, etc. the other half can be called love. Pamper yourself and cherish (no, we are not talking about the fifth piece of cake and another box of chocolates, but about regular self-care and spiritual growth and development). If everything inside you protests at the thought that you need to “tear off” a piece of the time that you spend with your loved one and/or children and spend it on yourself, then in your spare time think about this:

1) What happens if you actually dare to do this?

2) Who and when told you that you are nothing of yourself? And finally, the third reason for reflection is to analyze your family history - what were your grandmothers and great-grandmothers like? What was their purpose in the family, what character traits did they have, what was their fate? Did they have to save anyone (in the broad sense of the word)? Do you have a dire need to continue to maintain family traditions and continue to “save” the man and/or children?

5. Don't be afraid to argue

Oddly enough, conflicts are a source of energy for a couple. So any ideas that in an ideal family it is always “quiet and quiet” and no one ever sorts things out with anyone are not only greatly exaggerated, but also openly harm your relationships. You can and should argue, the main thing at this moment is to forget the words “always” and “never” and discuss a specific case, and not remember everything that your man has done “wrong” since the moment of the first meeting.

6. Don't be a man's friend

About a year after the start of the relationship, the “chemical” revolution that aroused passion in both of you ends peacefully. There is a great temptation to become a man’s true friend, a faithful comrade, a dear little man, to be interested only in what he is also interested in. A seemingly harmless desire can become a source of problems. Firstly, people who always do everything together find themselves in a world of identical sensations: they will soon exhaust all topics for conversation, they will have nothing to talk about with each other. And secondly, how do you feel about the prospect of becoming so dear and close that sex with you will seem like incest (as if you are brother and sister, and not husband and wife)?

7. Don't forget about sex

No one has canceled the basic instincts in marriage. Sex is no less important than sleep and food. Get creative with the process. Remember that saving drowning people is the work of the hands (lips, and other parts of the body) of the drowning people themselves. If you don’t have your own ideas on how to do this, use one of ours. Let there be a place in your life for both planned (why not, a man needs an “anchor”) and spontaneous sex (its presence will not allow you to turn intimate relationships into a conveyor belt).

8. Store the fireplace

“You must remember that you need to prepare for your husband’s return from service every day.

1) Prepare the children, wash them, comb their hair and dress them in clean, smart clothes. They should line up and greet their father when he walks through the doors.

2) For such an occasion, put on a clean apron yourself and try to decorate yourself - for example, tie a bow in your hair.” “Keep dinner ready. Plan in advance (preferably the previous evening) to prepare delicious dishes for his arrival. This will show that you are thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home, and the prospect of a good dinner (especially if it is his favorite dish) is a necessary part of the warm comfort of home,” echoes the Australian authors who created the home economics guide, the American magazine Home Economics. To some, these principles from the middle of the last century will seem ridiculous, but there is a rational grain in them. God be with him, with a bow, but a man is pleased to return to a clean house, where he is welcome, where there is the smell of pies, comfort and tranquility reign, regardless of the socio-political situation in the country, the dollar exchange rate and the cost of a barrel of oil.

9. Talk

“In the evening, do not enter into conversations with your husband, remember how tired he is, and what lengths he has to go to every day in service for your sake. Feed him silently, and only after he reads the newspaper can you try to talk to him,” this is another excerpt from the same textbook to which we referred in point No. 8. Indeed, you shouldn’t immediately “dump” everything that happened during the day on your husband, but you also don’t need to hush up pressing problems by sighing meaningfully. Talk to your loved one (just don't confuse him with your girlfriend) about what worries you, but never, never start a conversation with the words: “Honey, we need to talk!”

10. Maintain a balance between “take and give”

If you give all the time without demanding anything in return, it seems to you that you are the one who “should” all the time, and you should be pitied, and you are the victim. In fact, this is just an illusion, and the other half remains in debt. If you continue to play the self-sacrifice game, debt eventually turns into a yoke around your partner's neck. At the moment when it becomes so heavy that he can no longer bear it, the man usually leaves. If, on the contrary, you are constantly in the position of a “taker,” your loved one’s strength will one day run out: there are no resources, there is only anger at what he has endured for so long. And then the relationship collapses like a house of cards. So take it and don't forget to return it. Come on and allow yourself to take it.

Male opinion

From a man's point of view, a woman who will never be abandoned must...

To be smart, beautiful, cook well, say little so that she doesn’t have a headache, and have critical days once a year - during the opening of the fishing season.

Be able to inspire, and do it in such a way that a man is always sure that he is the most successful, smart and beautiful. And at the same time I did not forget that all this was thanks to my beloved.

It should be dominated by the feminine principle and such qualities as kindness, purity, and tolerance.

Text: Sascha Gluwein

How often does this happen: you fell in love, lost your head, dissolved in your love... And you no longer live your life, but His. All thoughts about him, desires are connected with him, interests are his, friends are also his. Where are you in all this? How not to lose yourself in a relationship with a man? How to remain an integral mature person, despite the all-consuming feeling that you experience?

First of all, you need to realize that you do not want to disappear into this relationship. And then you can keep your finger on the pulse. It's like not being late for an important meeting because you control the time. Or, before leaving home for an interview, check whether you have the necessary documents. When you remember what is important, it is easier to control the situation. And despite the ardent love, burning passion and everything else, you will know: you need not to get stuck!

In other words, it is important to learn to turn on your mind when feelings go off scale. In general, ideally there should be harmony in everything. When you give the reins of your life to your feelings, you can do a lot of stupid things and then take a very long time to sort them out. When only the mind “rules”, then you will not become truly happy, since in everything you will assess the situation soberly, without succumbing to emotions. Both are bad.

Therefore, in order not to lose yourself in a relationship with a man, you need to learn this balance. Maneuver between squalls of feelings and a cold mind, sometimes swim out and analyze what is happening in life. And adjust, regulate.

Imagine that your life is the path that a large ship takes. You are at its helm. If all you do is enjoy the views and catch the sun on your face, forgetting about the controls, you will lose your course, hit a reef or simply sink. If you constantly peer into the horizon in tension and constantly monitor instrument indicators, then you will not get any pleasure from the trip. It's again about balance. To make it clear.

Now let's talk about earthly things. How not to lose yourself in a relationship with a man? What needs to be done for this besides maintaining a balance between reason and feelings?

• Have your own interests. You probably had some interests before meeting this man. So, don’t make the mistake of giving them up. Yes, now you want to see him much more than the gym. Him, not a friend who complains about her life. Him, not creative activities. But it’s important to pull yourself together. In addition to the fact that you can lose yourself and completely dissolve in a man, you can also lose his interest in you. Why? Yes, because he fell in love with the way you were! Active, purposeful. Or a quiet, homely person who voraciously reads English literature. If you give up your hobbies for a man, he won't appreciate it! You just may soon become uninteresting to him as a person. That's all.
• Keep a small distance. when you want to see him every day? - you say. Distance when you fall asleep and wake up with thoughts about him? Yes, dear girls, distance! After all, if you take and eat your favorite sweets, you may start to feel sick. And then he will turn away from them for a long time. And if you eat a candy a day and limit yourself, then your love for candy will last for many years. So it is in a relationship with a man! If he gets all of you at once, interest may begin to fade! Therefore, you don’t need to see each other every day. Don't call each other every hour. It’s not the first month to jump into bed. It’s not easy to declare love! And a lot of other nuances.
• Improve yourself. In addition to the fact that we have already discussed the point about interests, I would like to note that it is important not to just stand in one place and be exactly the way he fell in love with you. And move on, improve, develop. After all, he doesn’t stand still either. And a couple can be together for many years if both partners keep pace. If one of them stops in their development, interest and feelings of love will disappear very quickly. So don’t stand still, grow!

From letters to Samprosvetbyulleten:
Rita asks: " ...disappointments in love make me depressed. Relationships with men do not work out, I often experience mental pain, I begin to withdraw into myself and fear for my psyche. Tell me, are there any signs by which we can understand how far you deviate from the norm?”

Angela wrote : “...how to maintain your balance in relationships with men? When I’m alone, everything in life goes as usual, but as soon as a guy appears, it’s like they replace me. I’m neglecting my studies, I’m not getting anywhere, I’m starting to quarrel with my parents ...»

Anastasia writes: “... I have an excellent relationship with this man, I have nothing to complain about, but I started freaking out again over little things. I quit smoking a year ago, and now I started again... maybe there is a test to check my condition? I’m afraid that if I twitch like this, I’ll ruin the relationship with my man...”

Elena asks: “ ... what should you do to maintain independence in relationships with men?..”

Relationships with a man and their quality deeply affect a woman’s emotional state. If she concentrates excessively on a man, then gradually, unnoticed by her, he becomes the center of her life. A woman develops emotional dependence on a man.

American psychotherapist A. Ellis identified 13 signs of a healthy personality. Although these signs are not strict psychotherapeutic standards, they show what you need to strive for in order to maintain emotional independence and not lose yourself in relationships with men.

Signs of a healthy personality

1. Personal interests

Emotionally healthy people act primarily in their own interests. They are not in masochistic submission and do not unnecessarily sacrifice themselves for the sake of others. They put their own interests at least a little ahead of the interests of other people because they understand: if they don’t take care of themselves, who will? But next to their interests, they place the interests of several close people, and they do not leave the rest of the world with its needs far behind.

2. Social interests

Mentally healthy people are usually quite sociable and try to have good relationships in the social group in which they live.

3. Independence

Emotionally healthy people take more responsibility for their lives, solve their own problems, and although they often want the approval of others, they do not need it and do not make their success and well-being dependent on it.

4. Tolerance

Healthy people give others the right to make mistakes. If they don't like a person's behavior, they don't blame him as an individual. They understand that people make mistakes and do not demand that others be perfect. They do not consider a person who has committed an unseemly act to be hopelessly bad.

5. Acceptance of uncertainty and ambiguity

Emotionally mature people accept the fact that our world, as far as we know, is largely built on randomness and uncertainty, and it may never be ruled by absolute necessity and complete certainty.

6. Flexibility

Emotionally healthy people are mentally flexible, open to change, and tend to be open-minded about the endless variety of personalities, ideas, and things in the world around them. They can passionately defend their beliefs and feelings, while calmly perceiving new things and being able to change their idea of ​​\u200b\u200b“reality” depending on the fresh information they receive.

7. Scientific thinking

Emotionally sensitive and resilient people are usually fairly objective, rational, and scientific thinkers. They formulate hypotheses and then test them by applying logical rules and scientific methods to their own lives and relationships with other people. Science resists dogma and is open to change, and the same can be said about emotionally healthy people.

8. Passion

Emotionally healthy and happy people tend to be passionate about something, be it people, activities, or ideas. What they do becomes very important to them (but not sacred!), and they build a significant part of their lives around it.

9. Ability to take risks

People with good emotional health are able to take risks. They ask themselves what they really want to achieve in life and try to achieve it, despite the risk of failure.

10. Self-acceptance

Emotionally healthy people are happy to be alive. They believe they “deserve” life and happiness. They accept themselves completely and unconditionally.

11. Caring about the future

Well-adapted people are not only interested in today, but also in the future. They try not to do things that, while bringing pleasure today, may turn into problems tomorrow.

12. Lack of perfectionism

Healthy people accept the fact that neither they nor others will likely ever achieve perfection, so even where the ideal is worth striving for (for example, in the arts or science), they do not feel obligated to achieve it.

13. Responsibility for your own emotional disturbances

Healthy people generally hold themselves responsible for the fact that they have harmful thoughts and feelings, for the fact that they behave incorrectly. They don't blame other people or circumstances for this. They certainly accept themselves, no matter how they behave or what others think about it.

I hope these signs will help you check yourself and understand what needs to be changed in your life.

Good luck to you and see you soon on the pages!

When we start a new relationship, the emotions can be so strong that it seems like we have never experienced anything like this and have finally found our soulmate.

We enter into relationships as independent individuals. However, this relationship and our partner can take such an important place in our lives that the relationship begins to define our personality. Unfortunately, some people want to please their partner so much that they forget about themselves. We all have an inner need to do something nice for those we love and give what they need, but we also need to remember our needs.

It is important that both partners have a self-image of “themselves in the relationship” and a self-image independent of the relationship

The desire to become the perfect complement to our partner is understandable, as long as it does not sacrifice our individuality. It is not always easy to find and maintain a healthy balance in a relationship, but it is still very important in order not to forget about your personality and your interests. For a relationship to grow and develop, it is important that both partners have a sense of “themselves in the relationship” and a sense of self independent of the relationship. Some tips to maintain your individuality in a relationship.

What to do:

1. Do not give up hobbies and things that interest you, even if your partner does not share these interests. Often people abandon their hobbies that their partner does not share. However, healthy relationships are built on both similarities and differences, which allows partners to have common interests while maintaining their individual passions.

2. Meet with friends and family - with or without a partner. It's always good if your friends and family like your partner, but you should sometimes communicate with them without him. They will often behave differently when your partner is around you. For example, your best friend, who is usually so cheerful and “crazy,” may watch his every word in the presence of your partner, trying to be as “politically correct” as possible.

3. Support your partner's long-standing hobbies and interests. It is important not only not to give up your hobbies and interests, but also to encourage your partner not to give up his own. When both partners have their own individual needs, they have a healthy desire to add something to the relationship, rather than just take from it what they are missing.

It’s normal to want to share your partner’s interests, but you also need to have your own hobbies

4. Express needs and desires that your partner does not share. It is important that both partners have their own needs and realize them, this way they will invest something of their own in the relationship. Many people believe that relationships require compromise - suppressing one's own desires and needs, but this is not so. Most of us mistakenly believe that completely or partially giving up our wants and needs will help save the relationship, but their very fear of losing their partner shows that there are some obvious problems in their relationship.

5. Don't let relationships define your self-image. It is important to avoid a situation where you cannot imagine yourself outside of your relationship with your partner.

6. Don't be afraid to do personal things without your partner. You don't have to tell your partner what you're doing every minute. And when you spend time separately from each other, you shouldn’t constantly call each other and text each other.

7. Try something new that interests you, even if your partner doesn't share that interest. Try to be open to new things. To maintain a healthy sense of self, it's important to make sure you can try new things without sacrificing your core values, interests, and tastes. It's completely normal to want to share your partner's interests and hobbies, but for your personal growth, you need to have your own hobbies. Of course, it’s worth at least trying what he or she likes, but if it turns out that it’s “not your thing,” you can always return to the hobby.

What not to do:

1. Allow relationships to change your perception of yourself and your own achievements. Our personality is determined by our strengths and achievements - in study, in work, in spiritual growth, and these achievements are only yours.

2. Becoming too dependent on the relationship or partner. Being in a relationship does not relieve you of responsibility for taking care of yourself and your feelings. By overcoming difficulties on your own, you develop strength and resilience.

All types of relationships are important for growth and development: family, social and love

4. Ignore relationships with other people. All types of relationships are important for our growth and development - family, social and love. Healthy love relationships always allow partners to devote time, attention and care not only to each other, but also to friends and loved ones.

5. Move quickly from one relationship to another. You should not immediately look for a new partner after breaking up. It is important to first experience the grief of parting, sort out your feelings and decide who we are in ourselves, apart from the relationship. You should not use relationships as an excuse not to take care of yourself, your shortcomings and your personal growth.

About the expert

Tarra Bates-Dufort is an American psychologist and psychotherapist with 15 years of experience, a specialist in family problems and work with psychological trauma.

Being in a close and long-term relationship with a man, a woman loses herself over time.
How not to lose YOURSELF in a relationship with a man?

Falling in love and getting married, a woman devotes herself so completely to love and a man that ultimately she comes to disappointment and the collapse of all her hopes. When women read advice on how to be wise and feminine, these tips often cut like a knife to the heart. The woman feels indignant: “Why should I do all this? Why should I think, play, somehow adapt to him, understand, be patient?”
Usually these indignations are uttered by women who are tired of men and relationships. They have a deep conviction that they have already devoted too much of themselves to the relationship, and the result is zero.

I agree, if you are at work all the time, it won’t take long to undermine your health. If you, living with a man, begin to constantly step over yourself, then this leads to resentment, fatigue and disappointment. There is no need to do this.

As soon as you start doing something for the sake of a man, for the sake of a relationship, whether you like it or not, you always secretly expect gratitude or at least a reciprocal step from the man. When there are no retaliatory steps, a new wave of resentment and anger covers the woman. And the woman unconsciously begins to take revenge on the man for her grievances, and female revenge is much subtler and hits the most vulnerable male places.

For example, a man’s affairs begin to get upset, he begins to lose something, and find himself in some unpleasant situations.

A woman does not make plans for revenge, but she is able to influence the space, her thoughts and grievances, and most often, anger at a man begins to form a bad space in which the man finds himself. A man cannot be prosperous next to an offended and dissatisfied woman.

If the man you live with makes you feel irritated and you don’t want to do anything for him, then the question is: “Why do you continue to be with such a person?” Love is where there is a mutual desire to build and do something for each other. I think not a single book teaches a woman to forget about herself and devote herself only to the desires of a man and building relationships.

A happy woman is, first of all, a self-sufficient woman who can live alone, who can do without a man, but out of love for him lives with him. But in reality, most often you live with a man whom you have not loved for a long time, of whom you have long been tired, but life without him will be difficult for you. You will have to resolve many issues yourself. Thinking about divorce and weighing all the difficulties that will come your way, you decide to continue living with him. And loneliness is scary.

If you live alone and think that a man will bring discomfort into your life, then I don’t believe that you are happy. If you live with a man and cannot imagine your life without him, then this is also very far from a happy life.

Happiness is when life with a man is, in principle, no different from life alone, but with his appearance, life becomes brighter, richer, warmer. You see, not saturated, but more saturated, not bright, but brighter, do you catch the difference?

If you are dating or living with a man and devote time to yourself, maintain your shape, take care of yourself, take care of yourself, and when left alone, you lose interest in this, then your attitude towards yourself very much depends on the presence of a man in your life. Everything you do, you do for the sake of him, in order to please him, to attract his attention, and not for the sake of your health and well-being. It turns out that you do a lot in your life for him, and not for yourself.

If you clean, cook, living with a man, and eat sausages alone and have nowhere to step in the house, then the question is, how do you feel about yourself?

If with a man you forget about your interests, hobbies, girlfriends, then again the question is - why do you cheat on yourself so quickly and easily? Why does it happen that with the advent of a man, a woman’s life changes greatly, and not for the better?

Why is the belief so firmly established that if you are married, then you need to forget about yourself and your desires?

Why do even successful and self-sufficient women begin to lose themselves in relationships with a man?

Never forget yourself and do not lose yourself in a relationship with a man.

The most important thing for a woman is not to lose herself in love and to always feel a core inside herself, but not metal and not bending, but soft, elastic, but never breaking.

Very often I hear from women that after breaking up with a man, things began to go uphill for them, they became successful, many things began to work out for such women, but only after the breakup. It seems that a woman directs all her energy to a man, as if she does not know how to redistribute energy - she is either in love or in business.

Why can’t you be successful and be in love? Why do love and relationships become a cage for many women and clip their wings?

Why is a woman often faced with a choice: a career or a man? By making a choice between love and her realization, a woman dooms herself to suffering. A woman cannot find happiness only in relationships and love, or only in her career. You need everything to be happy.

And it is a great art to find that harmony between incompatible things, between love and reason, between relationships and career.

This conflict is so deep and repressed that very often a woman does not understand its presence in herself and, without realizing it, does things that push her one way or the other. There is only one way out of this situation - to be able to shift this conflict to the middle and be able to be both in a relationship and mind your own business.

Learning not to lose yourself in a relationship is the biggest challenge many women must solve for themselves.

This conflict is deep and its roots are in our childhood; it can only be resolved as a result of self-development and self-knowledge.

If you don’t go deep into childhood, here are some life tips on how not to lose yourself in relationships with men.

1. Always feel your goals and your desires. You must clearly see your path and understand what you really want. If you have your own goal, then do not allow yourself to abandon it and switch to the desires of a man.

For example, a woman wants to get a job. The man wants her to stay at home. She tells him her desire. After listening, he invites her to an expensive restaurant, then the next day buys her something nice. And the woman forgets about her desire for some time.

She prefers immediate benefits to her present desires and needs.

When a small child is very upset that his mother has gone somewhere, he is offered candy, he gets carried away with the candy and forgets that he was crying about his mother. Quick switching of attention, abandonment of one's goals and desires is the main property of the child's psyche.

Adults remember and know their goals and move towards them slowly and persistently, never losing sight of them. Don't let a man throw you off course.

2. This also applies to conversations.

When a woman wants to get something as a result of a conversation with a man, he can deftly jump to other topics, divert the conversation to the side, pretend that he did not hear the question. Don't let it distract you from your intention. If you do not switch, but gently but persistently return him to the topic of your interest, then you will get what you wanted.

3. If a man asks you to make a decision, do not answer right away. Always take time to think. Women are emotional by nature and often respond on impulse. Therefore, you should always take a break to calmly and carefully think about everything.

Do not make decisions until you feel confident in a particular decision from within. In reality, there are no right or wrong decisions. There are simply solutions with their own consequences, and they are different. It all depends on your willingness to accept responsibility for the consequences of your decisions.

4. Very often men unconsciously play on women’s pity. Don't forget about the roles in your triangle. Give up the role of rescuer, victim, persecutor.

Love and pity for a woman are very close. Many women, feeling pity for a man, mistake it for love. A man very often plays on this feeling. Don't fall for it.

Aphrodite's fourth task for Psyche was just for pity. It was necessary to go down into the cave and get some healing ointment.

“On the way, Psyche will see many people who need her help, they will stretch out their hands to her and ask for help, but she must remember her goal and refuse. If she can’t stand it, she will remain in the underground kingdom forever.”

Don't give in to pity. Of course, you can sympathize, but do not allow yourself to be drawn into the “Victim - Rescuer” game. You are no rescuer. You are a woman and you should have a normal man with you who can take care of himself.

5. Very often women fall into the web of beautiful words and promises. A man can lull a woman’s vigilance with his beautiful words. Remember, nothing characterizes a man more than his ACTIONS. By the way, very often it is online marriage scammers who use this knowledge about female psychology. Such a person will write beautiful letters with words about what an angel you are sent by God to him, this is the kind of woman he has dreamed of all his life. He will involve you in a relationship, develop feelings for you, and then something happens to him, or he is terminally ill, or something else, arouses the woman’s pity and here he urgently needs money. And there are many women who become victims of such scammers.

If a woman is obsessed with the goal of getting married, maintaining a relationship, and attention to her is important to her, then it is very easy to succumb to the charm of beautiful words and courtship. Don’t let the hunger for love and attention cloud your mind and ability to see reality, think objectively, and notice obvious things.

6. Many women, having visited a restaurant or accepted a gift from a man, immediately experience a feeling of gratitude and awkwardness. For some reason, they immediately feel obliged to this man, they feel embarrassed to accept this gift and they immediately strive to repay.

Many women do not like these sensations and simply refuse it and do not accept gifts, or pay their own bill, as is customary in the West. This is the other extreme of the same self-doubt. If a man himself takes the initiative to invite, treat, or give a gift, then do not feel obligated. Learn to accept all this with gratitude, but nothing more. Don't rush to give something back right away.

Remember that it was you who kept the man in pleasant company and be sure that with your mere presence you made him very pleased, but at the same time, of course, be sincerely interested in him.

You need to understand whether you can love this man and whether you will respect him later.

Always remember about yourself, always keep your goal and desires in focus, what you want from life, and then the question will not arise: “How not to lose yourself in a relationship with a man? "

Don't lose yourself in relationships!

Have your goals in life. Remember that you have potential that you must realize. Don’t forget that life is multifaceted and there are a lot of interesting things in it, do not limit it only to the presence of a man in it.

Only if you are interested in yourself, if you understand your purpose in life and see the goal, only then will you control your life, and not circumstances or a man. Only in this case you will not fall into slavery of your own dependence and attachment. Then you will never lose yourself in a relationship, which means you will always be interesting to both your man and other people.

Only in this case will your life be like a diamond, shimmering with all the colors of the rainbow.

With love,
Irina Gavrilova Dempsey