This order was made by Moscow Mayor Sergei Sobyanin after 8 children were injured by a gas cylinder explosion there last weekend. On the morning broadcast, our colleagues talked to listeners about what, in addition to safety, parents are guided by when choosing a vacation spot for their child. Correspondent Alexandra Pisareva listened to all the opinions and learned from experts what to pay attention to so as not to make a mistake.

Only men called on the air. But everyone is determined to send the child to the camp. The main argument is that independence is fostered there. Sergey from St. Petersburg literally today I sent my daughter on vacation to a camp in the Leningrad region:

“My daughter goes there regularly, my daughter is 12. There are guys there from previous shifts, from previous years. But our daughter went to different camps, she was also in Bulgaria, abroad. Since she is an athlete, there is also a sports camp to which she "He leaves mostly in August. They go somewhere to the Sea of ​​Azov with their sports section. I think that the child, of course, should learn to communicate with other people, children, and increase the degree of his socialization."

Socialization is another argument that is regularly heard from fathers. Alexander from the Krasnodar region and spent his entire childhood in pioneer camps:

“I myself was in Artek at one time and I think that they should be sent to camps; socialization there is, of course, very good. And they are less interested in food. They will still receive some kind of food, but they need communication.”

You can’t please everyone, other listeners confirm: one doesn’t like one thing, another doesn’t like another. But in any case, the children will not go hungry, they add with optimism. As long as the food is safe for health. But here they say that the camps are chosen meticulously and meticulously. For example, how Oleg:

“I look at what kind of camp it is. Therefore, the camp where I send my child - everything suits me there. I sent one to a sports camp, he plays basketball. The second - to another, not at sea, near Saransk. Because I know this camp, I’ve been sending my children there for more than one shift for 5-6 years now.”

At a minimum, you need to study the reviews, says a child and adolescent psychologist Anton Sorin. And remember that camp is still a place of rest. Therefore, if a child is interested in sports, you should not force him to study the language. In the end, no one will get pleasure:

“This should be the camp whose teaching staff parents trust. The best way to decide who you trust and who you don’t is to take into account the reviews of those who have already been to this camp. And somehow build on them in many ways. If the camp involves some kind of activity, in addition to relaxation, it is certainly worthwhile to be guided by the interests of the child, because the child is going to the camp, not his parents.”

Returning to the issue of safety: sometimes it’s not just reviews that can help, but also personal experience. Andrey sent his 9-year-old daughter to the same camp again. If that time the girl left there with tears in her eyes, this shift had to be interrupted early. And what he saw on the spot was unpleasantly surprised:

“After 5 days they called me and said that she had a high temperature - 39, I had to take her from there. What I encountered when I arrived at the camp in the evening: the staff was from out of town. From neighboring countries, to be more precise. Actually the camp is good, the buildings are good, there are 2 swimming pools. But when I visited the detention center where my girl was lying, I really didn’t like it there, there was some kind of sewer smell.”

On parent forums, by the way, the staff receives the most complaints. From minor quibbles - about frivolous behavior and the counselors being too young - to quite serious ones, like constant drunkenness. It’s fine if the children are simply left to their own devices in the buildings. But then they remember the tragedy in the Azov camp 5 years ago. There, six drowned, while drunken teachers looked after them. There is even talk on blogs about pedophilia. It is clear that no one wants to advertise unpleasant stories. But it is also clear that there are places that have been tested and operate according to international standards, experts say. In such personnel issues are resolved with full responsibility. Of course, you will most likely have to pay for reliability. Today they ask for approximately 7 to 50 thousand rubles per shift. Depending on the region, program and size of the camp. There are also discounted vouchers. Here the child himself can help his parents save money, he said on air Vladislav from Barnaul:

“I have an 8-year-old child, a daughter. She won the first youth category in artistic gymnastics. Her coach sent her to a sports camp. She, as it happens, has already made a financial contribution for our family. The 21-day camp costs 16 thousand rubles. And she gets a 50 percent discount ".

Although 8 years is perhaps too early for such independent rest, the psychologist clarifies Anton Sorin. Day camp is more suitable for such children. For full-time trips, the optimal age is somewhere from 11-12 years old, the expert believes:

“A child is ready to go to a pioneer camp when he is ready to take care of himself effectively for a sufficiently long time. That is, maintain his appearance, wash himself, take care of himself, and so on. In my opinion, a primary school child I’m fundamentally not ready for this.”

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25.07.2019, 18:18

The camp is closed - return the money

The camp has closed - how to withdraw money? The inspections that began throughout the country have already led to the cessation of the work of several recreation centers for children. First of all, tents. In some places the lock is hanging due to violations identified by the commissions, in others the organizers themselves are hastily closing down their establishments. In any case, the money paid for the vouchers must be returned to the parents.

A resident of Zelenograd attacked a policeman who came to take her children away. Now, according to a court decision, she will have to pay a fine of 45 thousand rubles. Two weeks later, the children were returned, admitting that there had been a mistake. Life looked into how often this happens and who is to blame.

This story began at the end of February, when employees of the school where her 15-year-old son studies appeared on the threshold of Natalya’s apartment. The boy has bad grades and a lot of absenteeism - so they came to find out what was wrong. Later, representatives of the guardianship authorities came to see both our son and our one-and-a-half-year-old daughter.

The woman was accused of being drunk in the presence of minors, and the apartment was declared to have unsanitary conditions. Natalya assures that she celebrated the holiday with friends, but everyone behaved decently. Also, according to her, there is no dirt in the apartment, only in the room of her teenage son there was a slight mess.

Trying to prevent the removal of the children, Natalya attacked the law enforcement officer. But the children were still taken. The girl spent two weeks in the infectious diseases department, despite the fact that, according to the mother, she was absolutely healthy, and the boy was kept in a shelter.

Natalya complained to the prosecutor's office. As a result, the family came to the verdict that everything was fine with them.

Calling a "friend"

To understand the situation and understand how easy it is to draw the attention of the guardianship authorities to a particular family, we called one of the Moscow branches and played the role of a dissatisfied neighbor who wants to complain about the bad attitude towards the child living with her on the same stairwell.

Hello, hello! I see that my neighbors are mistreating my child, can I file a complaint?

You can provide information. You contact the guardianship authority at your place of residence, indicate the address, the name of the person who is behaving inappropriately, everything you know so that you can check.

What then? Will they come and pick you up with the police?

First of all, an inspection is carried out by the guardianship authorities together with the police and the Family and Childhood Assistance Center. If everything said is confirmed, then depending on the situation in the family, a decision is made. This could be either removing the child or working with this family. But this is only after verification. If there is abuse...

They drink.

This means that the guardianship authorities come out with the police to check. The removal of a child is carried out only if an immediate threat to his life and health is detected. And if the fact of family trouble is simply revealed, then other work is carried out there. A center is connected that is engaged in the restoration of child-parent relationships and the competent fulfillment of their responsibilities by parents. Taking a child away from a family is an extreme measure.

Based on the results of the conversation, it is obvious: writing a complaint against neighbors and attracting the attention of the police and guardianship authorities is not so difficult. The children should not be taken away instantly, but problems will definitely arise for the family, which in fact may turn out to be quite prosperous.

Guardianship errors

Here are stories from a forum dedicated to family relationships:

“I was in the hospital with my son, we had two such children in our ward: one from a dysfunctional family (his grandmother was in bed with him), the second child with his mother. There, a neighbor complained that they were walking with the child and the father was drinking beer, so they took the child without showdown and then returned."

“A couple of years ago there was a story in our city. A child was taken away from a family of musicians at the signal of neighbors. The parents earned money by playing in the street, the child either slept in a stroller or walked with his mother. These musicians did not drink, but they looked like hippies. The neighbors decided to play it safe, because people who are not like everyone else arouse suspicion. The parents contacted the media. A week later, the child was returned to them, but now they seem to have left the city.

“Literally in August, a girl was taken from her friends. She fell from a swing in the yard. There were several witnesses. The girl was taken to the emergency room. It was Sunday. On Monday they came from care and took the girl from her grandmother. Of course, then they gave the child away, but the bitterness remained.”

According to the president of the Volunteers to Help Orphans charity foundation, Elena Alshanskaya (as part of its activities, the foundation also helps parents solve problems with custody), such mistakes, unfortunately, are not uncommon due to the imperfections of the system itself.

The decision about how dangerous a situation is for a child is made on the basis of an ordinary person’s subjective idea of ​​how good or bad a child might be in the family. Upon arrival at a family, guardianship workers need no more than half an hour to decide whether a child can live there. But this procedure is carried out by people who are not specialists in social work, psychology, or child-parent relations. And this is precisely what leads to such negative consequences,” notes Alshanskaya.

The procedure for removing a child from a family has been in effect since Soviet times. But there is still no specialty and system of professional training for people who could objectively make decisions, assess the situation, understand the problems of each family, and not draw conclusions in five minutes.

It is absurd that almost any person can come to another family and simply determine offhand whether the child should live there or not, whether there is a threat or not. So this procedure cannot lead to anything other than endless errors. On the contrary, it is surprising that there are so few of them.

Such mistakes have an extremely negative impact on both parents and children, Alshanskaya emphasizes. After all, first the child is pulled out of the family in a rather aggressive manner, and then, as if nothing had happened, they are returned back.

If we really have the task of changing the situation in the interests of the child, then we need to develop completely different services, other options for assistance and a different approach,” notes Elena Alshanskaya.

Out of the family?

But there are other situations.

“In our house, three children were recently taken away from their mother. All are preschoolers, the youngest was born in the spring. How it happened: in the winter, when this woman was pregnant, her last partner left her. The woman got drunk, the neighbors called the police. They asked, wrote it down, and came guardianship. They drew up reports and told her to correct herself. Before giving birth, she drank, but quietly. Then, after giving birth, she walked around holding the stroller. Her children were in the same condition, she was screaming, drinking and smoking. I drew up acts four times, then they gave me a final warning. The children, walking in the yard, often said that they would soon be taken away as soon as their mother got drunk again. The result was that one Saturday morning the guardianship arrived, and the mother and grandmother were already in bed, apparently from the evening. The children were taken away immediately, she cried in the yard and went to drink in the evenings the same way - with beer and vodka. So they won’t take anyone away based on one statement, even from marginalized people,” they write on the same forum.

Yulia Kurchanova, a psychologist in the “Prevention of Social Orphanhood” program, emphasizes that children are taken away from families extremely rarely, since the state advocates preserving the family. But even this seemingly good intention can have a downside:

It happens that in situations where a child needs to be taken away, he may just be left behind. Therefore, excesses occur both in the direction of excessive anxiety and in the direction of connivance. And all because there are no clear and uniform criteria by which the level of danger, the level of unreliability is determined. And there is no way to provide comprehensive assistance to families.

Indeed, the main problem lies precisely in the fact that there is no long-term and comprehensive investigation procedure in which experts would participate. There is also no set set of rules for parents as to what they should or should not do to avoid removal. There is only the subjective opinion of a person who came to the family on a specific day to check.

Yulia Kurchanova also notes that the guardianship authorities essentially cannot offer anything more. The mechanism consists only of “take away - don’t take away”, and there are no additional resources to provide other types of assistance and support to families:

We need serious social work! At least at the level that the child may need additional extension work so that the parents have the opportunity to go to work. But all extensions are paid. Some families simply do not have enough money for food and bed, but the state does not provide this either. No such types of assistance are provided.

They say that “truth is born in dispute.” It's about an argument. Truth can only be born where all participants in a dispute know how to defend their opinions.

A small child unquestioningly believes everything that adults say, and there is no need for the ability to argue. But with age, situations increasingly arise when the child’s opinion is not taken into account or simply ignored, because he does not know how to defend his own opinion. This complex science is learned in childhood.

Why is it important to be able to argue?

A dispute is a verbal competition, a counterbalance of opinions, through reasoned discussion of which the essence is clarified.

There are people, and there are many of them, who do not like to argue and are ready to accept someone else’s position. However, being able to defend your point of view is extremely important. If a person does not have his own opinion, then he ceases to be a person. In addition, people around you may be mistaken, regardless of their status, which can lead to wrong decisions. You need to be able to perceive someone else's opinion only as an opinion, respecting it, but not submitting to it. People tend to make mistakes.

People with their own opinions are less susceptible to the influence of others, and therefore are less likely to fall into dependence: psychoactive, religious, ideological.

Disputants tend to be self-confident, broad-minded, open-minded and decisive. There are quite enough positive arguments in favor of the ability to argue to start teaching your child this difficult art. The work consists of two large stages:

teach to have your own opinion;

teach him to defend.

How to teach a child to have his own opinion

In order for an opinion to be formed, a little person must be taught to think. First of all, do not draw conclusions for the child, but guide him in the right direction. If he asks you a question, then do not rush to answer, but give a hint. Here are classic everyday exercises to get your child thinking:

1. “A question for a question.” In principle, in adult life such behavior is bad manners, but for educational purposes it is a very effective method. Imagine a typical situation:

Mom, where's my briefcase?
-Where did you leave it?

And now the child’s chain of events is restored: he came home from school, put it at the entrance or brought it into his room, or maybe he left his briefcase with his dad at work, and he promised to bring it in the evening by car. In the same way, you can search for your favorite toys and things. The main thing is independence and a small victory - I found it.

2. “Day of Wishes.” Modern life does not allow us to take into account the child’s opinion on everyday situations every day. The choice between porridge and a sandwich for breakfast depends on the organization of the morning and attitude to nutrition, but there is a day off that can traditionally be called Wish Day. It is important to discuss what the child wants for breakfast, where he would like to go on his day off, and for what purpose. The opinion should be discussed and accepted, even with some adjustments.

3. Ask questions. It is important that the questions “why” and “why” are sounded not only in a negative context (why did you stain your clothes), but in a positive one: why do you want to go to the skating rink, why did you choose these sneakers, etc. Praise any attempts to justify decisions.

4. Ask for opinions on small things. During the day there are many opportunities for this: in transport, on the way to kindergarten, in a store, clinic, on the playground. Teach your child to have his own opinion about everything:

Look, they painted a bench in the park. Do you like the color?
- Yes.
- But no, it seems very dark to me, or don’t you think so?

Or another situation:

Look what a girl, what do you think about her?
- ?
- Nothing at all? And I think she is very beautiful. Do not you think so?
- No.
- What kind of girls do you like?

Obviously, such dialogues can be about any subject.

So, the child has his own opinion. He can express his wishes or attitude towards something, giving reasons for them. This means that it’s time to teach your child to defend his own positions.

Teaching children to argue

To be able to argue, you need to learn to resist. Games are useful for this.

1. "Mirror". The rules are simple: repeat the actions in a mirror image. You need to control both the other person and yourself.

2. Don’t say “yes” and “no.” Discuss in advance what words cannot be said and start a dialogue. The child must learn to control himself and his speech.

3. “Stubborn donkey.” It’s good for easygoing children to be stubborn, at least in play. The essence of the game is that the child (donkey) must do the opposite. You need to go - he stands, you need to be silent - he screams, you need to go around the hummock (bench), he... that's right, he will climb on it. But the child must make the decision himself.

4. “Who has more evidence?” Let's prove that the one with the most arguments wins. If the child finds it difficult, ask leading questions. Here are examples: reading is useful because; quarreling is bad; It's good to have a dog; It's great to be able to ride a bike.

5. “I agree - I disagree.” The game is difficult in that the child must express his opinion and give reasons for it:

Being sick is bad...
- I agree, because...

Adults are always right
- I don’t agree...

If the child cannot explain, but offers examples from life, accept them as a sure step towards success. In the future, change the conditions of the game: let the child express his opinion, and your task will be to argue.

It is useful to use these techniques in everyday life.

Listen carefully and completely. Show your child that you understand him using simple expressions: “yes”, “what then”, “what did he answer”, etc. Show your support in any way: nod, pat, smile. Approve your child's arguments. Confidence that he is understood and respected will help him accurately and politely defend his opinion in a dispute with peers.

Teach your child to draw conclusions. It is important to summarize after his stories, for example, “it’s great when a person overcomes himself and copes with fear” or “it’s good that you can sympathize.”

Watch your child's facial expressions and gestures. Sometimes it seems to a child that he is successfully hiding his emotions, but his eyes and hands say otherwise. Let him know about this.

Teach your child to recognize the opinions of others. Accept the child’s opinion, emphasizing the conviction: “you convinced me, I will agree with your opinion and...”.

Very soon the child will gain self-confidence and master the skills of defending his opinion. Just don't overdo it. Still, in a dispute, what is important is the truth, not stubbornness.

Sadova Svetlana

The fact that children are completely oriented towards adults and trust them is also well known by pedophiles, who easily start a conversation with a child, chat him up and, bribing him with candy or capturing his attention with a kitten, deal with him. This is what happened in Revda with six-year-old Dasha, who was taken from the yard by a 66-year-old previously convicted rapist. He did not kill the girl, but “committed other acts of a sexual nature against her” and left her alone in an abandoned building. Eventually .

So that nothing like this happens to your child, so that he does not talk to strangers and, moreover, does not go anywhere with them, You should teach him simple rules of safe communication. According to psychologist Yana Timina, in order for a child to develop the skill of how to respond to the words or actions of a stranger, parents need to tell him how to properly respond to communication with strangers, and not focus on the fact that someone will definitely harm him.

1. Clearly define the “friend or foe” system for the child. Explain to him that a stranger is any person whom he does not know, whom you yourself do not know. No matter how this person behaves, who he presents himself to be, no matter whether he is young or old, a man or a woman, or even a child.

Tell me what The “family” category includes mom, dad, grandparents, and other relatives. And also everyone with whom the parents allowed to talk, with whom they introduced the child. Discuss this rule with him and strictly monitor its implementation: before communicating with a stranger, he must ask permission from his mother (father, grandmother - indicate the circle of people). Even if you yourself know the person, and the child sees him for the first time, teach him that he must ask your permission before talking to this person, taking a gift from him, or going somewhere with him.

Be sure to say this, even if it seems unnecessary to you: otherwise the child will not perceive this setting as a real rule. If he decides to talk to someone he doesn't know that you're talking to, but doesn't ask you, interrupt him: “Darling, did you ask your mother what kind of uncle (aunt) this is and is it possible to talk to him (her)?”

Anastasia Rubtsova, psychotherapist:

A child of 6–7 years old may simply not be able to cope with the task of “distinguishing a dangerous stranger from a safe one” or “not talking to a stranger for a long time.” It's difficult for him. And here each parent, based on their own level of anxiety, sets the rules: either all strangers are dangerous or they are not. For example, after much thought, I introduced a rule: adults who talk to you on the street are dangerous. Do not enter into conversations with them. Not at all. Even for a second. Not a single word. Immediately turn away, run and call for help.

2. There is no need to intimidate a child with phrases like “someone else’s guy will take you and eat you” - this will give him a subconscious negative attitude, undermine his basic trust in the world, and therefore his self-confidence, notes Timina.

Explain to your child that there are strangers you can talk to. These are, for example, police officers, firefighters, salespeople, teachers (educators) or security guards in stores - the same strangers that children can approach in an emergency (for example, if they are lost). Pay attention to the child, what the uniform of law enforcement officers looks like, by what signs he can recognize the person who works in the store. He must understand that a stranger to whom he himself turns for help is still safer than the one who offers this help first.

“Who should I turn to for help? I always say: go to women with children or strollers, notes Rubtsova. - Due to their hormonal background, they are more responsive to children. Or stay still, I will look for you and will definitely find you.”

3. Children need to know that they should talk to strangers at a distance. Measure a distance of two meters on the floor and make sure your child remembers it.

4. Teach him to say no: explain that if a stranger asks him to go somewhere or help him find something, he needs to loudly say “no!” and leave. Teach your child not to take any gifts, money, or sweets from strangers; don't believe if strangers promiseto himbuy something.

He should not agree, even if the stranger convinces him that he will take him to his mom and dad. Tell your child that you will never send a stranger after him without warning him about it. In addition, now everyone has gadgets, and therefore it will not be difficult to contact your child.

Place special emphasis on what You can shout on the street in case of danger.“Our children are so often forbidden to make noise and “disturb other people” that it is even easy for them to shout “Help!” may turn out to be an insurmountably difficult task, says Anastasia Rubtsova. - Check it out. Rehearse. If it doesn’t work out, don’t scold, laugh together and rehearse ten more times.”

5. The child should know that conversations with those he does not know should not last long.. Explain to him that a few seconds or a couple of phrases will be enough, to which he must answer either “no” or “turn to an adult,” and then go to a place where there are people he knows.

As soon as the child is safe, he must tell his parents what happened. Also teach your child to ask a person’s name when meeting him: if he introduces himself, then (on a subconscious level) he is already responsible. Anyone with malicious intent will never tell his real name, says psychoanalyst from the Center for Psychological Consulting and Psychoanalysis Georgy Amusin.

In addition, tell your child that strangers should not only talk to him, but also take him by the hand, touch him: tell him that any touches that he does not like and cause rejection should be nipped in the bud (this also applies to that moment when a child is touched by someone familiar).

When you have talked all this over with your child, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to conduct a test afterwards - play out the situation with him and see how he behaves. And then figure out whether the child answered correctly, if not, explain what he should have done.

Anastasia Rubtsova:

Psychologists note: preschool children love rules, if adults explain them in a calm tone. It’s more difficult with teenagers: at their age, the parents’ opinion ceases to be unconditionally authoritative, the tendency to take risks increases, which means that it is not so easy to truly alert the child. Just give it to him sometimes read news from the “Incidents” section.

In general, Rubtsova summarizes, absolutely any child can become a victim of a scoundrel, sadist or pedophile - alas, no one has reliable immunity. “But the experience of police officers suggests that those at risk are primarily timid and obedient children who are accustomed to obeying adults and unconditionally obeying,” says the psychotherapist. - Therefore, encourage the child’s courage and initiative, calmly look at his disobedience and stubbornness from time to time. Perhaps these qualities will be able to protect him if something happens.”