How to choose your soul mate. Cultivate new positive qualities and character traits in yourself

Every person wants to start a family with their soulmate. That is, with a person who is ideally suited and with whom complete mutual understanding is possible. But in real life, unfortunately, many people quickly become disillusioned with their “halves” and either live and endure, or are completely left alone.

And all this happens because initially we choose people who are not very suitable for us as life partners. How to find exactly the one you need? There are several main criteria that you need to take note of and be guided by when choosing a partner.

Second half: main selection criteria

1. Chemistry (or attraction)

Everyone has long known that love arises due to special chemical reactions occurring in the body. And attraction will not appear if these reactions are not “triggered.” This is a very important point! If your breathing does not quicken when you see a person, your blood does not start running faster and you do not have the desire to touch, then this means this is not your person. And no matter how much you convince yourself that he is a good person and it would be “right” to connect your life with him, the necessary reaction will still not trigger! Yes, there are stable marriages without love, but whether people in such marriages are happy is a big question.

2. Personality traits and character traits

Each of us has our own unique character and some are comfortable with a calm and reasonable person, while others can only live with a sociable and cheerful person. Think about what kind of person you will be comfortable with? There are people who are easy-going, they are constantly on the move, and there are, on the contrary, very slow people who go to their own rhythm of life. And, before you connect your life with a person and start building a serious relationship, think about whether you will be comfortable with him? When a person is not suitable in temperament, this is a big problem.

Or your chosen one may be very smart or very handsome, but, for example, you cannot rely on him, he is irresponsible or is constantly late everywhere and everywhere, or constantly lies, then it will be difficult for you to live with him if you categorically do not accept such character traits.

3. Appearance

Yes, we constantly hear that appearance is not the main thing, whether a person is good or not. But let's stop fooling ourselves. We must like a person externally, otherwise, looking at him, we will constantly experience disharmony. Appearance is one of the main criteria by which we choose a mate. Therefore, listen to yourself and rely on your own preferences, and do not persuade yourself, saying that “if you endure it, you will fall in love.”

4. Intelligence level

The most successful and happy relationships develop among people with equal intellectual levels. When one person is too superior to another in intellectual development, he will often experience indignation or irritation at the “dumbness” of his partner, and the second person will constantly feel like he is “lower” than the other, which will lead to an inferiority complex. Of course, there are cases between people of different backgrounds, but this is the exception rather than the rule. And there is hardly happiness and harmony in these relationships.

5. Ambition

Finding out the life goals and aspirations of your intended life partner is very important. When one person constantly strives for growth, and the second constantly sits in place and does not move anywhere, this is an imbalance. For example, one person wants to develop a business, become an artist, defend a dissertation, improve their standard of living, while the second person works quietly in a factory or plant, and on weekends prefers to plant a vegetable garden and grow potatoes. Will the first be able to accept this and adapt to the second? And vice versa. Will people want to adapt to each other? And even if they want to, this will lead to the loss of one of the partners.

6. Worldviews and beliefs

No matter how much people like each other, differences in worldviews can become a stumbling block and an insurmountable obstacle to happiness and harmony. If one person is a true believer, and the other is an inveterate materialist, then there will be a constant struggle between them, since there will be no common goals and ideals. A believer will be comfortable with a fellow believer, and a materialist will be comfortable with a materialist.

Or if people belong to different religions, then in this case there may also be quarrels, since each religion has its own system of traditions and rituals. Irreconcilable differences may arise on this basis.

7. Basic views on family life

If such views diverge radically, then there will be no happiness and harmony. For example, one person promotes an open marriage, and the second considers fidelity one of the most important indicators of love and respect for each other. It is imperative to find out the model of a person’s ideal family, and then make plans for a future together. Equality or patriarchy, distribution of finances, desire or unwillingness to have children and the principles of their upbringing, attitude towards infidelity, and so on. Each person has his own family model, most often laid down in childhood.

When people match each other on all these levels, then their chances of a happy, successful and long-term relationship are very high. Therefore, before making plans for a serious relationship with a person, “go through” all these criteria and think carefully about whether you can live with him in happiness and harmony for many, many years?

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It is human nature to gravitate towards relationships. But often choosing a life partner is like playing the lottery - unfortunately, not a win-win, but the most ordinary one, where for a hundred or even a thousand tickets there is only one lucky one... Sometimes it seems: here it is, the other half - it’s so fun to walk with him/her in the evenings , watch movies and discuss hobbies. But in the end, an insight comes: to find a true life partner, you need something more, and not just common hobbies. A good friend is great, but being around him does not make your heart beat faster.

And it also happens: a whole sensual hurricane plays out, love pours out of the chest, but it all ends as suddenly as it began. Sometimes passionate love is mistaken for deep feelings, and everything disappears after a few months of living together. Some people simply do not know how to preserve their love: if the roots dry out, the tree soon dies and the family collapses. But it is family happiness that is most important to most people than anything else. When family and relationships are the meaning of life, people perceive the absence of this as a tragedy.

Serious relationships mean consistency

In the modern world, the expression “getting married” has become relevant. Young people no longer consider marriage a sacred thing. We tried it, it didn’t work – it costs nothing to end the relationship and find a new one. And you can do this as much as you like - if only you had partners. Marriage became something of an experiment.

And if you want to test your companions all your life, go ahead. But don't forget, youth ends quickly. And one day there will come a time when you want confidence in your partner and stability, when you no longer have the energy and mental strength for new experiments. It is very tragic if at this time you are left alone, with nothing, as they say.

You need to choose with your mind, no matter how much your enthusiastic heart beats. You can’t rely only on your bright appearance or the ability to ride a great skateboard - someday these qualities will lose relevance. A serious relationship is about more than shared interests or mutual admiration. A partner must be a reliable support and assistant. After all, he/she is the future parent of your children, the grandmother or grandfather of your grandchildren. The more responsible you are in creating your family, the calmer life will be for you and those close to you.

Why do people make the wrong choice?

For modern people, all boundaries have been erased when creating a marriage. Partners may have a huge age difference or different nationalities. Cultural and educational levels may also be incompatible. Of course, there is no law that says that a Russian girl should not tie her fate with a foreigner, or that a business woman should stay away from a simple painter-plasterer. But statistics do not take into account the laws: most of these unequal marriages break up. The reason is there is no mutual understanding and attraction of the soul.

It is imperative to introduce your partner to your family. You will immediately see how he treats your parents and other relatives, how he feels in your family environment. It is important to take a closer look at your companion’s family. Do you feel any discomfort there? Perhaps the family atmosphere in the house of your chosen one is what awaits you in your future life together.

Of course, a person is not obliged to live up to the expectations of his parents and live according to their scenario. In addition, relatives are not always able to treat your sweetheart objectively. They can also criticize him: he walks ugly, earns little, dresses tastelessly... Often parents are jealous of their child for his loved one - that’s why they try to subconsciously “harm” this invader who stole the chick from its native nest. But sometimes it's worth listening to them. A loving heart is blind. If you are head over heels in love, there is a high risk that you have already mentally transformed all the serious shortcomings of your companion into advantages and do not allow anyone to destroy your pink little world. Falling from heaven to earth can be very painful. Listen to the opinions of your loved ones about your choice and analyze them. If everyone says out loud that a companion is not suitable for you, then there is at least some truth in this.

Marriages are not created the day after a successful date. There is always time to think and weigh everything. What should you pay attention to?

• Different characters are not a reason to quarrel. They can always be used to your advantage. If one of the partners is emotional and hot-tempered, and the other is calm, like a boa constrictor, the conflict can always be smoothed out. When people poke each other with unbearable personalities during a divorce, it's a poor excuse. Most world psychologists believe that people of different temperaments and morals get along best. Identical characters begin to become boring with each other over time. This is usually noticeable even during the candy-bouquet period, when lovers quarrel over trifles.
• A person is a whole person. Don't try to rearrange anything in it in your own way. You have no right! It was you who drew the ideal image of your lover in your head, which the other half is not at all obliged to indulge. Why should he change? Only because your consciousness, pampered by feelings, desires this? If you love him, be strong: you will have to get along with his shortcomings to the end.
• Sexual compatibility is a good reason for a strong relationship, but, alas, not the main one. Sex is not an indicator that your partner is ready to offer you his hand and heart. In addition, intimacy on first dates usually extinguishes that very important spark, from which a huge flame of love can subsequently flare up.
• Do you feel comfortable next to your chosen one? If you just force yourself to listen to his long stories about life, forced to robotically laugh at his jokes, most likely you are not in the right place. But if the communication is relaxed, and you are really having fun and well, this is a favorable sign.

Secret criteria for choosing a soul mate

If you imagine that your partner is a participant in the competitive selection, he must successfully pass several nominations at once. Then there is a good reason to consider him as a potential life partner.

Physiology:

• The smell coming from the partner’s body does not repel, but, on the contrary, attracts.
• Sex with him is always pleasant, there is no rejection.
• The height of the partner is unimportant, as is the weight.

• In the company of this person you are always at ease and comfortable, there is no desire to run away. At the same time, you don’t pretend to be anything, don’t put on a mask.
• When he is near, it seems that you are under a reliable wing. His protection and support ennobles your state of mind.
• For the sake of your life partner, you are ready to go through fire and water. You are ready to do anything to make him happy from the bottom of his heart.
• Thoughts about living together often visit you, and they make your soul feel comfortable.

Intelligence:

• The cultural and educational levels of your chosen one completely suit you, even if they do not coincide with yours. The religious views of the partner and his family do not bring tension to life together. He is also always comfortable with you.

These criteria allow you to assess how ready you are to connect your life with the person you have chosen. But a person cannot always assess the situation objectively. In some places he can lie to himself, since killing his dream alive is a terrible thing. But even worse is to be left disappointed and lose several valuable years of your life in an unfavorable relationship.

So, if you are confident in your choice, then:

1. You are comfortable and interesting with your partner.
2. Even when you are silent, there is no feeling of discomfort or tension.
3. When you meet someone recently, you feel as if you have known each other for a lifetime.
4. When meeting, the heart beats tremulously in the chest, and after parting, longing immediately sets in.
5. Your desires largely coincide.
6. There is a mutual interest in each other, you want to know every little thing.

Of course, this list can be continued endlessly. And strict compliance with the points does not always indicate that a great feeling of Love has arisen between people. Inconsistencies in the rules cannot be regarded as a tragedy. Sometimes people need a little more time to begin to open up and show tender feelings. The most important thing is to learn to find each other’s strengths and appreciate them. But there is no need to rush with the stamp at the registry office. It is important to create strong relationships and be able to preserve your feelings for a long time, and you will always have time to legitimize love. Here are some more useful articles about forms of relationships between lovers that will bring clarity and make you more prepared for future choices: ; ; ; .

Many young girls and boys dream of meeting their soulmate in order to live, as they say in Love and harmony all your life, and be faithful or faithful to your soulmate for the rest of your life.

If you have already met the person you like and who likes you, you want to develop and legitimize a relationship with this person, then you need to not only know, but also feel whether this person is really your soulmate?

And will you be able to create a normal, happy family with this person or is this person just a figment of your fantasies and imaginations?

In order to get to know a person, you need to eat a pound of salt with him.

Very often, during the period of courtship, people play in front of each other, they are like cooing doves, for whom everything is fine and wonderful, but when the wedding celebration takes place and real life begins, the game stops, the masks are removed and the person shows who he really is.

And this is the real person, you just need to notice before the wedding during the courtship period, because when you commit an act that is important to you, you can ruin your whole life, and there will be no turning back...

How can you get to know a person in a short period of time?

The best way to get to know a person is through observation.

1. Look at what kind of family your potential husband or wife was brought up in, how does he relate to his parents and loved ones? (How do the parents of your chosen one or chosen one behave)? What kind of friends does your chosen one have? How do people who don’t know who you are say about him?

2. What is the main thing in life for your chosen one or chosen one? Do you understand equally what Love, support, compassion mean? Indeed, for many modern young people, Love is just something ideal, fabulous, in which there is no suffering or sacrifice...

3. What are the pros and cons of your potential soulmate? Do you notice any disadvantages at all or only some advantages?

To better determine whether this soulmate is yours, you need to be guided not by human logic, which is guided by how best to grasp the material side, or external beauty to satisfy only your sexual passion, but first of all you need to be guided by your soul and heart.

Why is it difficult to notice what is needed?

If you lead a not entirely moral lifestyle, for example, you smoke a little or drink, maybe use foul language a little, then if your chosen one or chosen one has the same seemingly little things that you have, then you simply will not notice them and will not take them seriously.

But imagine just for a second, your chosen one smokes or drinks a little (as she says only on holidays), then what kind of family will you have with her?

Or another example, when you are at a party with your girlfriend or boyfriend, and your boyfriend or girlfriend allows himself to flirt with other people without paying any attention to you?

How do you decide whether she or he will be your faithful wife or husband?

If you really want to create a normal and strong family and not rush to get divorced and tear your hair out in a week, then you need to take this issue very seriously, without any concessions to your chosen one or chosen one, in order to feel whether this is really true Your person who suits you in the most important things and what is most important for you? Money? Status? Sex? Other...?

In order to correctly choose your chosen one or chosen one and feel that this is your soulmate, then observe what state of mind you have when you are next to this person, whether this person can Love and appreciate not only you, but also this world?

If this person tries to seem only good in your eyes, but he does not treat others the way you would like, and some little things still do not suit you, this means that your soul is resisting and you need to seriously think about such a person, because such a person quickly wants something else from you... and not exactly what you expect... He can even behave correctly and positively for some time, but all this is only to achieve his goal, and having achieved his goal, such a person will go looking for the next one or the next one...

And you will be left with nothing...

Therefore, do not forget about your soul and heart, which will tell you whether this is your soul mate, although for this you need to have a heart and soul yourself...

According to statistics, 8 out of 10 divorces occur due to incompatibility of partners at different levels: emotional, intellectual, spiritual. The reasons for divorce are different. Here are just a few of them: incompatibility of characters, lack of common themes and interests, lack of spiritual closeness.

Often people create a family based on mutual sympathy and physical attraction. But this foundation is unstable, since it is based on no spiritual closeness, common values ​​and interests.

If you are faced with choosing a partner or life partner and would not like to make a mistake in choosing a partner, I suggest you evaluate your relationship according to three criteria and draw a conclusion.

Three signs that you have “the right” person

For girls

1. He cares about you and behaves responsibly.

A real man cares and takes responsibility. If you sense a desire from your partner to take care of you and see corresponding actions, then this is a big plus.

For example, he surrounds you with attention, gives you flowers, and is interested in your inner world, mood, well-being and interests. At every opportunity he gives you pleasant surprises and tries to fulfill your wishes. He keeps his word, is punctual and honest with you. He solves your problems, helps you cope with various difficulties and assumes the role of leader.

When a man is inspired, his desire to please you exceeds his desire to enjoy communicating with you. Often, when meeting his soul mate, a representative of the stronger sex pushes into the background all thoughts about physical intimacy. He thinks more about the welfare of his partner and is interested in her inner world. This speaks of his serious intentions.

The second sign that a congenial person is next to you is your willingness to accept his authority. You realize that you respect him, feel his strength as a leader and a great desire to follow him.

A woman is mentally several times stronger than a man. If you are not internally ready to accept male authority, then sooner or later this will destroy your relationship.

Feeling respected is the main need of a man. It is thanks to this that he is inspired to perform deeds for his beloved and is ready to endure any difficulties. Therefore, when you meet a person, analyze your inner feelings. Think about whether you can accept his authority and follow him through life, helping him achieve his goals.

3. You act for the benefit of your loved one.

The third sign by which you can judge future harmony with your partner is your desire to act for the benefit of your loved one. This selfless impulse of love is important for building warm, close and happy relationships.

You feel that you have a great desire to give your partner love and care. Seeing his flaws, you accept them. You have a desire to inspire him, help him become a strong personality, and contribute to the development of his masculine qualities.

There are always two tendencies in a woman’s character. The first is self-will, when she acts from a position of selfishness and only for herself. The second tendency is the desire to act for the benefit of a loved one. The first option dooms your relationship to fragility. Selfishness has never brought happiness to anyone. By acting for the benefit of another person, a woman truly becomes happy, and success and prosperity come to the family.

For men

1. You are ready to give your chosen one protection.

You feel that from within you are overwhelmed with the desire to take care of your companion. You feel that you are ready to give your protection and love to this woman. You are interested in her desires, interests, you are ready to sacrifice your preferences for the sake of her good mood. When choosing where to go - to the cinema, theater or cafe, you take into account her desires, and relegate yours to the background. By thinking first of all about her good and happiness, you yourself become happy and realize your male potential. This is a good sign that your couple can be harmonious in the future.

2. Your chosen one inspires you.

When communicating with her, you feel a surge of strength and powerful energy. They flow into you. You are full of ideas and the most daring plans. Despite your complex character, your chosen one envelops you with feminine energy. She agrees with you when necessary. Shows patience, smoothes out the rough edges of your character. You feel respect and sincere attention. Next to a strong and calm man, a woman begins to exhibit such qualities.

When choosing a life partner, you should pay attention to whether she is ready to accept your male authority, whether she is ready to give you the opportunity to make decisions and agree with them. This is easy to check. Imagine that on a date you and your date are walking in the park. Having passed one route, you were faced with a choice of which alley to go next. See how your chosen one will behave in this situation. Will she be able to gently agree with your decision? Perhaps she will tenderly and calmly express her desire. Or, on the contrary, he will persistently and rigidly stick to his line. This simple situation, like a test, shows you how your controversial issues will be resolved in the future.

3. You are ready to accept women's anxiety.

You realize that there will be more than just pleasure in your relationship. You understand that a woman is very emotional by nature, so you don't expect her to always be soft and affectionate.

The female mind has a very unstable nature. He is always attacked by feelings. Representatives of the fair sex can have many desires at the same time: look at beautiful things, eat delicious food, dream about traveling, change the decor in the apartment, etc.

It is important for a man to accept a woman with all her worries and protect her mind from stress. He has the responsibility to protect the woman not only from financial difficulties, but also from her own emotions. With his calmness, care, and support, he is able to calm her mind. You need to understand that disagreements and stress will always exist in a relationship with a woman. Conflicts with a woman bring a man back to the relationship and teach him to be more sensitive. The male psyche is focused on ideas. She seems to be flying in the clouds, not noticing the relationship. It is situations like this that motivate men to develop.

Be happy and harmonious next to “that” person. When choosing a partner or life partner, trust your inner feelings, but do not forget about your mind. There are no trifles in relationships. Already in the first stages of communication, you can clarify how suitable this person is for you, how sincerely he is interested in you and strives to create a trusting and open relationship based on love. Happiness and harmony in the family will depend on the correctness of your choice.

What are you guided or guided by when choosing a partner for family relationships? Someone considers intelligence and beauty important, for some a person’s spiritual qualities are very important, and someone cannot imagine living with a person who has little money in his pocket and has not made a career for himself. But what really determines whether a relationship will be strong and lasting?

Physical level.

The first sign that a person is suitable for us is what we feel at the body level, how pleasant the touch is to us, the smell of his body, voice, and the like. If there is rejection already at this stage, then this is the first sign that the person is not suitable for you. If you feel that at the body level you like him, this also does not mean that he is suitable for you to build a family relationship, since family is not only sex. That's why the physical connection layer is considered only the first crossing point. Let's move on!

Soul level.

If you want a serious relationship, then first you need to understand whether you can make friends. It will be a good sign if you have common interests, hobbies, a lot of topics for conversation and you like to communicate with each other. When a person can become a good friend to you or is already one, helps you out when you ask him for it, strives to be useful to you, then this is a signal that you can rely on him in family life.

It is important that you know how to support each other when you need help. After all, anything can happen in life, and family is a place where you can always get support. As a rule, happy families are formed when people can be good friends first and foremost.

What does the spiritual level of connectedness include? Of course, this is a worldview, that is, the way you look at life, your understanding of how this world and life in general works. It is this level that is the last and fundamental point in making the decision to create a family life. If you like each other on a physical level, you will have close spiritual contact, but there will be no common vision of life, your relationship ship will constantly encounter reefs of misunderstanding in various life issues. To avoid this, you will stop discussing topics that interest you, in which disagreements arise, that is, something will appear that will divide you. However, your soul will constantly strive to share the vision of life that you have with someone, and subconsciously you will search for that person. You understand what can happen when you meet someone like this.

In addition, it is important that you have a common goal, that is, something that will unite you along the path of your life. After all, if you look at each other, your relationship will soon fail, as you will begin to notice many imperfections in each other. For most families, their purpose in life is children, but when they grow up, many married couples no longer see the meaning of their relationship. To avoid this, you need to prepare in advance, besides, children will see parents who have a common cause and will adopt your family values, which will help them create their own happy family life.

It is important that all three points are present when choosing a partner for life, since each of them has its own meaning. Of course, for many people it is enough that at least the first point is observed, but if we observe these relationships, we will see that they do not last long. There are some married couples where the first and second points coincide - there we see more harmony and understanding in the relationship. However, there are no happier relationships filled with love and deep respect than those where all three levels of connectedness coincide.