How to understand what your orientation is. Sexual orientation test

Svetlana, good afternoon.

It seems to me that you have mixed a lot of questions into one pile at once and this is preventing you from understanding yourself. Sexuality develops and undergoes changes throughout life, therefore, by the age of 20 it cannot be considered mature and complete, and this is especially evident in women, whose peak development of sexuality occurs at a much more mature age.

The irritation that arises in your relationship with your boyfriend has nothing to do with sexual orientation. This is just your relationship with your boyfriend, in which there are contradictions and conflicts. Exactly the same contradictions and conflicts arise in both heterosexual and homosexual couples, regardless of the gender of the partners. These are communication problems, not sexual ones.

In male or female couples or groups, relationships can be very easy and attractive in the short term and this is clearly visible in many situations, regardless of the sexual orientation of the people. It is easier for us to communicate with those who are more like us. For example:

Men love some kind of joint activities (bachelor party, fishing trip, hiking in the mountains or a sailboat regatta, and so on)

Women love some kind of joint activities (bachelorette party, get-togethers with women's conversations, joint shopping, joint creative activities, and so on)

At the same time, the attractiveness of the opposite sex is associated precisely with dissimilarity. It is the differences that cause a certain tension and interest.

Moreover, in female groups, competition or envy associated with sexual attractiveness can arise much more acutely than in male groups. This happens for two reasons: a societal stereotype associated with the eroticization of female appearance, and the fact that women tend not to express aggression and restrain it, which leads to the accumulation of suppressed aggression and, as a result, deformation of communication.

In men and boys, competition, envy and competitiveness are based more on other indicators, which can be expressed more simply and directly, or transformed into other values ​​of a purely masculine type, and therefore not accumulated.

You write: " Sex rarely brings true pleasure; more often I just endure it so as not to offend him. ....and now my boyfriend has gained serious weight and the attraction has practically disappeared."

All people who, without experiencing attraction, have sex out of pity for their partner, fear of offending, or other similar motives, have problems with receiving pleasure. This is a purely psychological factor in the loss of sexual pleasure and is also not related to sexual orientation.

At the same time you write: " Only women always excite me. As for erotic videos with a man and a woman, I hate looking at them, and only videos, photographs and thoughts of same-sex themes excite me."

Many people are interested in photographs and videos of same-sex themes, but this does not indicate real sexual orientation. In your particular case, such interest can be determined by many factors, and is mainly based on the perception of yourself and your body, and not the perception of others. The relationship with your mother, and how it developed from your early childhood, also plays an important role in this.

Next you write: " I don’t understand what’s wrong with my sexuality, I constantly want to be close to a girl or just lie next to her in an embrace, stroke her hair and so on. I'm seriously wondering if I should continue the relationship."

There are two questions here:

1. The need for intimacy and closeness, which apparently you cannot get in your relationship. You are hiding from your boyfriend the fact that you are having sex with him without desire, and you explain this by saying that you do not want to offend him. But in fact, you yourself may already be offended by him, and such a condescending attitude may simply be an expression of suppressed aggression.

2. Whether you continue your relationship with your boyfriend or not is up to you. But if you do not learn to build trusting relationships, then you will have problems with intimacy with any partner.

I wish you clarity of thoughts and feelings, harmony with yourself and mutual understanding with others.

If it is important and interesting for you to discuss issues of your sexuality, your relationships and choice of a sexual partner, call and make an appointment.

Anastasia Biryukova, Gestalt therapist in St. Petersburg, Skype from anywhere in the world

Like check yourself and your friends whose hands you shake every day.

Most likely a fake, like the old Finnish test ( fritzmorgen I did a great job promoting this topic at one time):

If you do not see numbers in only one circle, then you have and may possibly develop one of the following deviations:\

Circle 1. Increased aggressiveness, conflict. It is recommended to pay a lot of attention to contrast showers and physical exercises.

Circle 2. Reduced mental abilities. When serving in general branches of the military, no additional measures are required.

Circle 3. Gasterimargia (gluttony). Increased rations, more physical exercise, sedentary work and work in the kitchen are contraindicated.

Circle 5. Latent (hidden, suppressed) homosexuality. Attacks of uncontrolled attraction to persons of the same sex are possible. No additional measures are required.

Issues of sexual life are among those that will always concern humanity. Especially issues of sexual identity. There is a special tool for this - the Kinsey scale. Let's get to know him in more detail.

Alfred Kinsey: biographical information

He is a biological sexologist who spent most of his life on a university campus in Midwestern America. Now the institute is named after him.

His path to science began with an interest in entomology. He prepared and published a biology textbook for high school students. But Kinsey remains in history more as the father of sexology than as a great biologist. Studying the variations in mating among insects led him to the idea that humans may also have different types of sexual behavior. The professor developed the Kinsey scale, which allows you to determine a person’s orientation.

In 1935, Kinsey publicly expressed the results of his research in the field of sexology for the first time. The reports, based on interviews with thousands of people, became bestsellers, made their author famous, and remain popular to this day.

Discussions of Kinsey's work

Coincidentally or not, the professor’s research coincided with the period known as the “sexual revolution.” Of course, they caused fierce controversy. He was accused of debauchery, his work was considered morally corrupting, he was accused of having sexual relations with children, and also that his research was based on interviews with prisoners. To this day, the name Kinsey can cause an aggressive reaction, as it is believed that he legitimizes homosexuality. Indeed, thanks to the research of Professor Kinsey, homosexuality was excluded from the list of mental illnesses.

Even decades after the death of a scientist, one can hear the continuation of the controversy. There are attempts to accuse his research of statistical and methodological errors. However, all this does not change the scale of the scientist’s contribution to those areas of science that were previously under a cruel ban.

Kinsey?

It is a tool for measuring people's sexual orientation. A six-point scale has been developed for this purpose. At one end of the scale there is absolute heterosexuality, at the other end there is absolute homosexuality. Despite the fact that the scale is six-point, it actually has eight gradations: 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,x.

The researcher says that there is no absolute discreteness; in most cases it is a union.

Features of the scale

This is not a psychological test. Although under the name “Kinsey Scale” you can find a huge number of tests on the Internet. This is a method of self-esteem when a person defines himself based on the sexual experiences that he has had over the past three years.

This means that the scale will not reveal hidden biases or anything that the person himself is not aware of. Another important conclusion is that the assessment can change throughout life depending on how the nature of a person's sexual communication changes.

A test also exists based on an instrument such as the Kinsey scale, but these are modifications created by other researchers based on the professor’s work.

How to use the scale?

The Kinsey scale is exactly the same for men and women. To find your place on it, you need to take into account the number of sexual contacts with people of the same or opposite sex. The important point is contacts! And not fantasies, erotic dreams, watched videos and conversations on intimate topics. Only real contacts matter.

If you have no homosexual experience at all, this corresponds to a value of 0.

If contacts with people of the same sex were episodic, and with people of the opposite sex - regular, this situation corresponds to value 1.

If there is quite a lot of experience with people of both sexes, but still more with the opposite sex, this corresponds to value 2.

Equality of experience corresponds to number 3.

Accordingly, with a slight advantage on the side of homosexual contacts - 4, with a significant advantage - 5, and with experience of sex only with the same sex and no sex with the opposite sex - 6.

If during the three years studied there were no sexual contacts at all, this corresponds to the value x - asexuality.

Essentially, this is one question and seven possible answers to it. That's all. No mystery or mysticism. Therefore, if you dreamed of identifying the secret inclinations of your husband or girlfriend and thought that the Kinsey scale in Russian would help you with this, then you will have to be disappointed in this idea. Nothing will work out.

Test modification

If you still want to play, there is a modification of the test developed by Fritz Klein. The Kinsey scale for women is especially interesting from this point of view. It's easy to take the test online.

Why for women? They are the ones who most often ask questions about sexual orientation, although men do too. Klein's variation is known as the "Sexual Orientation Grid" and contains 21 questions. This test contains questions not only about real experiences in the past, but also about what gender people are attractive to you, including in a situation if you were free from fears and prejudices. With which gender would you like to have a sexual experience if there was an ideal situation when you are free from prejudices and fears, who is present in fantasies and dreams? The test even includes questions about emotional preferences and communication preferences. The result is given as a percentage of homosexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality and asexuality.

Try it and perhaps you will learn something interesting about yourself or your partner. But don't take the test results too seriously.

If you choose people of the opposite sex as sexual partners, you are heterosexual, if you choose the same sex, then you are homosexual. But there are also intermediate positions. Alfred Kinsey was the first to talk about this, who developed a scale for grading sexual orientation, according to which a value of 0 indicates complete heterosexuality, and a value of 6 indicates complete homosexuality. Based on the Kinsey scale, more than one test has been developed to determine sexual orientation; you can take one of them right now.

Kinsey Gay Trait Scale Test

To take the Kinsey Scale test, you need to answer the questions below. The answer number equals the number of points. The test is intended for women:

1. Have women ever turned you on?

• like this?
• yes, but by accident;
• once or twice;
• sexy pictures from magazines, yes, not even once in reality;
• I like sexy girls more than guys;
• often;
• Only girls excite.

2. How did you feel about your peers as a teenager?

• they were just friends;
• my girlfriend seemed very attractive to me;
• with some there was occasional casual flirting;
• Once the line of friendship was crossed and I would like to repeat it;
• I was practically in love with one of my friends;
• fell in love enough to realize I was a lesbian;
• there was a lot of sex and several serious hobbies.

3. Do you have lesbian friends?

• I have a friend through online correspondence;
• yes, but we haven’t talked for a long time;
• I'm talking to a lesbian couple;
• there are several, and I communicate with them often;
• yes, and we meet all the time;
• a lot, all my friends are lesbians.

4. Have you ever kissed a woman?

• never;
• only in your fantasies;
• I probably could have, but it never happened;
• I kissed both men and women, it was equally good;
• it happened, but it happened to men too;
• yes, and very often;
• I only kiss women.

5. Would you like it better:

• romantic dinner with a man;
• meeting with girlfriends and friends;
• a party with an ambiguous sexual theme;
• a party at a club to meet a sex partner, maybe it will be a woman;
• party in mixed company;
• a fun night with lesbian friends, although you can also invite straight girls;
• cool lesbian club.

6. You have met a sexy woman. What's next?

• you will see her as a competitor;
• compare it with yourself;
• give her a compliment;
• ask your man if he liked her;
• think about how good it would be in bed with her;
• try to flirt;
• speak to her immediately and decisively.

7. When was the last time you slept with a man, you...

• enjoyed it;
• not bad, but it could be better;
• they said that sex with a woman can be intriguing;
• at some point you imagined that you were in bed with a girl;
• imagined that a woman joined you;
• there was another woman with you;
• you don't remember the last time you had sex with a man.

8. You find yourself in the same bed with a woman, what could happen?

• there can be no talk of any physical contact;
• innocent physical contact is possible;
• gentle and seemingly random touches;
• would start a conversation about having a man join you;
• lovemaking, but you wouldn't go too far;
• a night of sexual experimentation;
• passionate sex.

9. Do you feel sexiest when you are wearing:

• delicate or bold lingerie set;
• something that meets the latest fashion trends;
• sexy lingerie under a formal suit;
• something that only a girl would appreciate;
• jeans and a couple of jewelry;
• military uniform with high boots;
• masculine or asexual attire.