How can I explain to my parents that I have grown up? How to let your parents know you've become an adult

You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Many children feel that their parents do not understand them. You may feel that your parents don't want to understand your point of view. It is important to remember that all parents strive to have a good relationship with their children. If you express your thoughts in a respectful way, it will be easier for your parents to understand you. Schedule a conversation in advance, speak your mind, and look for ways to maintain open communication with parents in the future.

Steps

Planning a conversation

Write down everything you feel. Explaining to your parents what's bothering you can be difficult, so it may be helpful to write down your thoughts on paper ahead of time. This will allow you to decide what you want to say and think about how you can make the conversation as productive as possible.

Think about what you want to achieve with this conversation. Decide what your goals are. Do you want your parents to apologize? Or that they behave differently in the future? A difficult conversation must have an end goal. Think about this in advance.

Find an appropriate time to talk. The timing of the conversation is as important a factor as how you conduct the conversation. Choose a time when parents are not tired and when there are no distractions. This will promote a calm conversation.

Start the conversation without any expectations. If you expect a conversation to go a certain way, you will become upset or angry if it goes differently. Don't try to predict your parents' actions. Let the situation develop naturally.

• Negative expectations can cause you to behave aggressively. If you think your parents will be dismissive of your desire to stay until the night of prom, you'll likely enter the conversation in an irritated state. Because of this, your parents won't want to listen to you.
• Beware of high expectations too. If you ask to be allowed to stay at prom until 4 am, your parents are unlikely to agree. Try not to insist on your own. Know that you will most likely have to compromise. For example, your parents may agree to let you stay, but only until half past two and on the condition that you call them every hour.

1. Try to understand the parents' point of view. Before starting a conversation, try to understand the parents. You may feel like they are treating you unfairly, but they only want the best for you. Try to understand the reason for their actions. Parents are more likely to listen to you if you respect their point of view.

   Be honest with your parents and speak directly. Parents should understand you. When communicating your point of view, be open and communicate your thoughts clearly. It is important to tell your parents everything you have to say.

   Use the pronoun "I". This will allow you to express your feelings and explain to others how you feel. Statements with the pronoun “I” emphasize personal feelings rather than objective reality. You can tell your parents how their actions or behavior make you feel. This will prevent your parents from feeling like you are blaming them or judging their actions.

   Listen to the parents' point of view. Not only your parents need to understand you, but you also need to understand them. Even if you are upset by their answers, remain calm and listen to them.

   • Your parents probably have a reason to have certain rules. Even if they seem unfair to you, you should try to understand them. If you don't understand something, ask your parents to explain why they think it's correct.
   • Show respect. You shouldn’t say: “Why do you think that if everyone drinks, I will too? This is nonsense." Instead, ask your parents to calmly explain their point of view: “I understand that you are worried about the influence of my classmates, but I have always been a responsible person. Can you explain why you insist on restrictions?”

2. Don't argue or complain. Sometimes parents just can't understand something. Even if your parents listen to you, they may continue to insist on their own. In this case, it is better not to argue or complain. This will only make the situation worse and increase dissatisfaction with each other.

   • If your parents refuse to understand you, end the conversation. Even if you are upset, trying to put pressure on your parents, argue with them, or complain at some point will work against you. It’s better to say: “It seems to me that we don’t hear each other. It’s better to talk about this another time.”
   • Perhaps in a couple of days the parents will change their minds. No parent is perfect, and your parents may react too harshly to some requests or statements. Even if you were just trying to express your opinion, they could take it as an insult or an accusation. If the conversation doesn't go well, wait a few days and then try talking to your parents again. Say this: “We already talked about graduation, and you didn’t like what I asked for. Can we get back to this conversation? I'm not sure I got it right."

Follow-up communication

1. Try to find a solution that suits everyone. The whole point of explaining your point of view is to find a solution to the problem. If you and your parents constantly don't understand each other, try to find a solution that works for both you and them.

   • Try to get rid of misunderstandings immediately. For example, your parents think that you spend too much time with your phone in your hands. Your parents belong to a generation that communicates mostly in person or on the phone. They may not understand the role of social media and messaging in the modern world.
   • Try saying this: “Next time you see me typing on my phone, think about my age. All my life I communicate with friends via the Internet. It may seem stupid to you, but it’s no different from calling your former classmates.”
   • Be prepared to compromise. Parents want you to have a rich social life, but if you're on your phone even at dinner or during family events, they may feel like you don't enjoy spending time with them. Ask to be allowed to use your phone freely when you are not doing anything, but agree to put it away when you have dinner with your parents or otherwise communicate with them.

2. Be patient. Changes cannot be instantaneous. Your parents may need time to think about your words. Don't think that everything will change right away.

3. Accept the rules and responsibilities. Of course, you want your parents to understand your point of view, but you should not think that this will relieve you of responsibilities and the need to follow certain rules. Your parents should have ideas about how you can behave. Treat these submissions with respect.

   • Be honest about what you do. If you want to go to the cinema with Katya, do not say that you will stay at Katya's house in the evening. If your parents want you to call them, call or text them about what you are doing.
   • Do everything you have to do on time. Do your homework, do your chores, show respect to your parents.

WikiHow works like a wiki, which means that many of our articles are written by multiple authors. During the creation of this article, 30 people, including anonymously, worked to edit and improve it.

Parents think they know what kids are going through these days. Children of the 21st century face pressure, stress and aggression, all of which are several times worse than what their parents experienced. Times have changed. Due to the advent of new technologies, bullying of teenagers has increased significantly. Smoking, alcohol and depression are found at every turn. The headlines scream over and over: "Teen Killed!" The streets of the city are unsafe. Unfortunately, parents don't understand everything. Everything was simpler for their parents too. Life today has become more difficult than it was 20 or 30 years ago. Often teenagers are pushed to take their own lives by pressure and stress. Teenagers cannot handle all the stress they face today.

Steps

Ask your parents about their day when they got home from school. Make sure they know you care.

Make sure your parents know that if you're holed up in your room, you're tired, having a bad day, or maybe just relaxing.

Being a teenager is hard enough. Constantly being in school, peer pressure and constant competition is exhausting. Everyone needs time for themselves. Let your parents know that you are a responsible teenager.

Do household chores and take care of siblings. Parents need rest too. Give them the opportunity to be happy. Talk about the importance of school in your life, your friends, or your new hobby. Parents are happy when their children are happy, so keep them informed about your life. This way, your parents will understand that if you don't want to interact with them, it's okay. Parents just need to understand that you need your own space.

If you have a problem brewing in your life, promise to tell your parents about it in your free time. If possible, talk to them.

Sometimes both parents in a family work, and in some cases parents have several jobs. It's not fair, because they were children too. Let them know that you will help at the right time. For your parents to understand you, you need to talk to them. No one is born with a code of rules in their head, so open your mind.

If you are being made fun of, talk to your parent. Even if you think that your parents do not take into account your problems, the other person will understand you. You will be able to understand the problem more deeply. Who knows? Maybe you will learn to help others.

1. Remember that communication is a two-way street.

   • Understand that parents are people too, and they cannot always be right. Listen to their advice, but remember to make your own decisions.
   • Avoid melodramatic phrases like “I hate you!”, “You will never understand me,” “It would be better if I died.” Phrases like these demonstrate that you are still an inexperienced child, and most likely, you will be embarrassed later.
   • Don't yell at your parents. If a scandal does occur, apologize. Try to look at the situation from their point of view. They're probably trying their best and want you to be happy, so give them a chance to talk.
   • Instead of locking yourself in your room when you're upset, try talking to your parents about what happened. If the parents are to blame for the bad mood, they can apologize or explain their decision. If your troubles have nothing to do with your parents, they can calm you down and offer some kind of solution.

   Warnings

   • If children lock themselves in their room, this does not necessarily mean that they are in a bad mood. Maybe they're just playing on their iPod or relaxing after a hard day at school. Sometimes a person just wants to relax in his room alone because he is bored or relaxing after a day of work. A person needs time for himself, but this does not mean that he has problems.
   • Don't upset your parents. Don't yell at them - yelling will make the situation worse.
   • Look for signs that your child is being bullied. Is he constantly ready to defend himself? Does he have low self-esteem? Has there been a dramatic change in character (for the worse, for example, the child has become quieter, sadder, or less sociable)? If you and your child have always had a close relationship, but now everything has changed, try to restore the warmth of communication and do interesting things together. Order pizza or watch your favorite movie. If you suspect your child is being bullied, be sure to give them the opportunity to talk and open up to you. From time to time, mention that you, too, were once mocked. Tell us about ways to solve this problem. Carefully remember your problems. As a rule, faint-hearted people are more likely to be bullied. Let your child be brave and tell you about it.
   • Night vigils are not beneficial for the child. You need to let your child understand the risks of such actions.
   • Try to show interest in your child's hobby.

Starting to live separately from parents is a natural and expected stage in the life of every mature child. But for some reason, many adult children think with fear about leaving their home.

The imagination pictures an inevitable scandal with elders or a shameful return “to the roots” after an unsuccessful attempt to cope with everyday life on their own. How to convince your parents that you are already an adult?

So, your parents fall into the category of those who do not want to let you go from them, including from under their roof. Their arguments can range from the most well-intentioned - saving your money and time, taking care of you, to the most harsh: you are a stupid creature who will not soon mature for an independent life.

In both cases the underlying reason is the same: your parents don't want you to start growing up. It is easier for them to continue solving your problems themselves while being next to you. It seems to them that this way you will not make fatal mistakes and will save yourself and their nerves.

In addition, you do a lot around the house, you smooth out conflicts between father and mother who have not understood each other for a long time... Finally, parents are simply afraid to be left alone with their problems.

When is it time to “fly the nest”?

It is normal to separate from your parents between the ages of 19 and 23. People who began an independent life during these years are more adapted to society, more self-confident, know exactly what they want, and can stand up for themselves and their interests.

They calmly solve their problems without wasting energy on constant conflicts with their parents. Yes, and the elders begin a new round of life: when the children leave for another home, more time appears for themselves, for the implementation of long-planned plans.

How to escape from your parents' house painlessly?

1. Talk to your elders, explain that your desire to separate is not caused by hostility towards them. Let them know that you will see each other often and that you will continue to help and consult with your parents.

2. If you are not confident in your abilities, give yourself a rehearsal for a separate life. Live alone in the summer at the dacha or in your grandmother’s apartment; when she goes to the village, move in with a friend.

Try to solve all everyday issues yourself, and not endlessly call mom and dad asking for advice or telling you where you are.

3. Solve your financial problems. If your salary or stipend is not enough to live on your own, find a part-time job. Do everything so as not to take a penny from your parents - otherwise this is not an independent life at all. On the contrary, strive to earn in such a way as to financially support your elders.

4. If your parents continue to create obstacles to your departure and cannot talk about it without scandals, then someone can help you only your determination.

Packing things and leaving without listening to anyone is for some adult children this is the only chance to escape from their father’s house. And after this, the scandals will gradually subside: time and distance will force your parents to perceive you as equals.

591

“Honor your parents” - this is exactly what one of the commandments says. No matter how anyone denies it, we all, without exception, love our parents. We owe them our life, birth, development and much, much more. “Honor your parents” - this is exactly what one of the biblical commandments says. No matter how anyone denies or shouts in the heat of the moment that ancestors are not needed, we all, without exception, love our parents. We owe them our life, birth, development and much, much more.

All normal parents love their children. But love is different. Sometimes, worried about you, your parents go too far, and you get annoyed: “Don’t they understand that I’ve already grown up?” Honestly? Situations are different. Sometimes they don’t understand, and sometimes they don’t want to see point-blank, that their child has long been an adult.

To understand the roots of the problem, let's try to classify your parents into several types:

Type 1. Parents who did not have time to participate in raising the child

From early childhood you live like a princess: you are never denied anything. You have all the best: friends, school, phone, books, clothes, guys. But you rarely received parental love: your parents earned money for your happy childhood. Now that you have grown up and are rushing away from the family nest, your ancestors realized that they did not raise you properly. Everything that you considered natural until now: clubs, parties, walks - everything is prohibited. Parents explain the reason succinctly: you are still small, and they don’t want to listen to any arguments.

Type 2. Calculator Parents

Parents-calculators can be recognized by a simple phrase like: “We raised you, fed you, watered you, clothed you, taught you, now it’s your duty to provide for us until old age.” Such parents are not found very often. Try to get rid of resentment - yes, perhaps your ancestors are a little selfish, but you have no one closer to them. They gave birth to you. “But I didn’t ask them for this,” you will answer logically, and in your own way you will be right. Don’t think that you are just a source of future material wealth for your parents. They love you, it’s just that their consciousness works for money. Show them that happiness does not lie in despicable metal - and everything will settle down.

Type 3 and the most dangerous. mother hen parents

Yes, you already know how hard it was to get every sip of freedom. When you came home at ten in the evening, your mother was frantically swallowing Valocordin, and your father was calling morgues and hospitals. Naturally, you felt guilty, and your parents calmed down mentally when they saw that their daughter now spent her evenings watching TV. In this situation, they made a big mistake - they forgot to think about you. About your desires, because life flies by. I bet you anything, your parents are sincerely convinced that not a single guy on planet Earth is worthy of you. So?

Now let's summarize.

With type number two you are unlikely to have any problems. On the contrary, you will have to grow up early in order for the responsibility of providing for your family to fall on your shoulders. It will be a little more difficult with types numbered one and two. But this problem can be solved. Although it will require significant effort from you, physical, material and moral. The method that I will propose will not suit everyone - only those who have reached adulthood. You'll have to work really hard. This method has been tested by my older friends, it works flawlessly. But I repeat: it is not suitable for everyone.

This is step one. Step two is to become a little less financially dependent on your parents. Even a child can find a job now. There are many options: flyer poster, waitress, courier. You can also work from home: edit someone’s photos in Photoshop, reprint a document, moderate a serious website. This will involuntarily force your ancestors to treat you with respect.

Step three and final. Perhaps the most difficult. A psychologically mature person is shown by correct speech without youth words (it will not be easy to get out of the habit), a calm look, reasonable thoughts and actions. All this takes a long time to acquire, but this will probably be the most compelling argument on your side.

1. Joyfully inform your parents: “Mom, I’m pregnant and getting married! So what if I'm 17? I'm an adult!

2. Run away from home to the station and put forward impossible ultimatums, like: “Well, so be it, I won’t go to Tver with the punks if you buy me an apartment on Tverskaya.”

3. Express your protest loudly and verbosely. This way you won't convince your parents. It will only ingrain you in the opinion that you are still a child.

Remember that no matter what happens between you and your parents, you are still one family.

1. kitiara
2. Lady Bathory

   I agree with a lot in this article, but I can’t agree with this, even if we are talking about an adult “child”:

   Abruptly, without warning anyone, move out of your native nest. Options for where to go may be different, but it is still advisable to rent an apartment. But not everyone has the means, so blackmail can also be considered as an option. For example, leave a note to stunned ancestors in the spirit: “Dear parents! Your daughter has already grown up, which you really don’t want to understand. I will live separately for some time until you realize your mistakes and give me freedom.”

   I cannot call a person who escapes an adult. Especially this option with a note and secretly leaving home. Although it’s too early for me to think about such a step for my child, because she is still only 10 years old, but if I put myself in the place of a parent who found such a note, I would never consider my child an adult. Rather, I thought that I raised an egoist and a coward who did not have the courage to sit down and talk, express his complaints, find a compromise and solve the problem. This child did not think about how the mother felt when she found empty hangers in the closet in the child’s room and such a reply. All that mattered to this child was that he was not allowed to go to the disco or was not allowed to meet with that punk living in the next building =)) And so, offended by the whole world and his parents, he decided to show his “maturity.” Unfortunately, coming of age is not a guarantee of growing up.

   Yes, if there are situations in which children would need to escape. Unfortunately, there are parents who fulfilled their function only once - at the moment of conception. Well, my mother gave birth, thanks to her for that. Otherwise, the child’s life resembled Hell. In such families, the sooner the child escapes from their hostile environment, the better for him. But in most cases we are not talking about such families now. More often than not, those who run away from home are not those who need to escape, but those who have been shot in the head by a whim =) The most interesting thing is that a runaway child often does not understand that parents are not so stupid and know that, in fact, a runaway daughter or son will not go anywhere . Friends will be able to shelter, but for a couple of days. It’s unlikely that other people’s mothers will have enough patience and food in the refrigerator for one more person for a long time.

   Girls, if you are still financially dependent on your parents, if you do not have the opportunity to independently provide yourself with at least the most necessary things, do not run. Try to find a solution to this problem in other ways. Running away will in no way solve your problems. On the contrary, all your attempts to show your parents how mature and independent you are will be thrown back many steps. As I already said, a mature and responsible person does not run from problems, he tries to solve them. If you want to prove to your parents that you are already an adult, do not make the mistakes typical of offended children.

3. Katalina

   The issue of freedom is indeed very relevant, which makes the article interesting. Probably, each of us at some point wants to fully experience this most coveted freedom. It seems like you already feel like an adult, but you lack independence. Unfortunately, not everyone immediately understands that independence is an opportunity to independently, and most importantly, fully provide for one’s life. Moreover, with this very freedom comes responsibility, first only for yourself (but it seems to me that this is no longer small), and then for your own family, for your children.
   To be honest, I was never able to attribute my parents to any specific type. Rather, they are a mixture of a little bit of everything. True, they never demanded return in the form of finances from me, this is my personal conviction: my parents raised me, investing all their strength and resources in me, and I, of course, feel obliged to them.
   At a certain age, I myself desperately wanted to become independent; I even naively believed that I was absolutely ready for complete independence. Well, what can you do, maximalism goes to your head and it seems to you that any opinion different from yours, including your parents’, has no right to exist. Fortunately, this goes away over time.
   Now I understand that at any age I will remain a little girl to my parents. Is it bad that the people closest to you will always take care of you? I am also grateful to my parents for the fact that at one time they limited me in certain things, even if it seemed like the end of the world. Still, permissiveness can hardly do any good.

   Quote: Lady Bathory

   I cannot call a person who escapes an adult. Especially this option with a note and secretly leaving home.

   Here I completely agree with Lady Bathory.

   klepushka2011, Thank you for the article)

4. foreverYOURS
5. Anastasia
6. Olympia

   Quote: Lady Bathory

   I can’t call the person who escapes an adult.

   I completely agree. Strange behavior of an adult girl. If she earns enough to rent a place and lead a relatively comfortable existence, why not sit down and talk to her parents calmly? In all other cases, escape is generally pointless. I don’t think that the option of “staying with friends” is much better than “going to Tver with punks.”

7. Ms.Mariya
8. Ramsessochka

   For our parents, we will always be children, because that’s how it is. You need to prove to yourself that you have become an adult.
   While you live in your parents’ house and on their money, you should probably respect the requirements and rules of your parents, no matter whether you are ten or eighteen years old. How logical these requirements are is another question, but it’s not for children to decide. I was lucky with my parents while I was growing up; they worked a lot and prohibited almost nothing. At the age of 18, I left to study 500 km away, my parents supported me without being able to control me. But adulthood also comes with responsibility, so I tried not to waste their money or do anything that could upset them. Now I work, I’m financially independent, but for mom and dad I’m still the same little girl. But you know, now it doesn’t annoy me, on the contrary, it’s so nice to be a child for a little bit.
   So, if you want to be an adult, just be one, but if you prove to your parents that you have already grown up, they will only be convinced otherwise
   

   move out of your native nest. Options for where to go may be different, but it is still advisable to rent an apartment. But not everyone has the means, so blackmail can also be considered as an option. For example, leave a note to stunned ancestors in the spirit: “Dear parents! Your daughter has already grown up, which you really don’t want to understand. I will live separately for some time until you realize your mistakes and give me freedom.”

   Let’s leave out the financial issue, because it’s clear that people who have funds for their own housing do not run away. They already know that they are independent. And blackmail... Yes, this is very “grown-up”. Of course, after such a note, the parents will immediately understand that the child has already grown up. Very reminiscent of a five year old's tantrum.
   

   clubs, parties, walks - everything is prohibited. Parents explain the reason succinctly: you are still small, and they don’t want to listen to any arguments.

   Or maybe it's really small? And parents usually forbid it for a reason. A 16-year-old girl has nothing to do in a nightclub; moreover, it is illegal. Just like drinking and smoking. In this case, parents are not jailers, they simply fulfill their duties. And an adult will not beg his mother for money for entertainment; in theory, he should have it.
   Oh, I’m definitely not ready to have children yet. I can hardly stand all these problems of fathers and children.

9. Alyona
10. Irina
11. Lyuba