How a common hobby can bring a family together. Family traditions: how to unite parents and children? Spiritual aspects of family life

27.11.2019

How often it happens that people live under the same roof, but remain strangers to each other.

Tips for Family Meetings

1. Hold meetings once a week , choosing a time that will ensure the presence of all family members. Do not change this time in the interests of one or another family member.

2. Turn off during this time telephone so that no one can interfere with you. This will help your children understand that these meetings are important events for the whole family.

3. Decisions should be made on the basis of family unanimity, and not the will of the majority. If after discussion you do not achieve general agreement, then the decision is postponed until the next meeting. Strive to make decisions that benefit everyone. Let everyone commit to supporting the decision made.

4. At every meeting choose a new leader and the secretary (in turn). All family members should support the leader in every possible way. The secretary's role is to keep a record of what was discussed and what decisions were made. This is necessary so that during the week there are no disagreements on the decisions made.

5. Start the meeting with encouraging remarks to each family member. Use words like: “I really like that you...” or “I appreciate that you...” Teach children to respond with words of gratitude to praise addressed to them.

6. Family routines and meeting “agendas” are best posted in a visible place to remind everyone of what they have to do.

7. Teach children that their complaints are accompanied by options for solving the problem they are facing.

Remember that the person who is not involved in solving the problem becomes part of the problem.

8. At the meeting, review the schedule for each day of the coming week, providing for joint activities of all family members.

9. To make meetings more productive, hold them in a common room, removing unnecessary objects from the table and arranging chairs so that those sitting face facing each other . Under no circumstances should meetings be held over food.

10. Always end meetings on a cheerful and pleasant note . The “ending” is left to the host to choose. You can offer a light and unusual snack, some sweet dish for evening tea, an exciting game or something else interesting for everyone.

11. If your children have no desire to attend such meetings, monitor your actions, which may discourage children from participating in them.

1.2. If someone does miss a meeting, they must still abide by the decisions made at the meeting.

13. Make sure everyone leaves the meeting feeling satisfied.

I am sure that even after several meetings you will feel that a period of harmony and mutual understanding is beginning in the family.

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There are legends that somewhere far, far away there are families living in peace and harmony: their children are obedient, mothers and fathers do not fight, mothers-in-law adore their daughters-in-law, and sons-in-law adore their mothers-in-law. But for the most part, we are all very ordinary people, and our loved ones are far from the fairy-tale ideal. However, there are secrets, which can help you achieve, if not universal harmony, then at least family understanding. Agree, this is already something.

website I have collected for you 15 main rules of behavior in the family that everyone would like to know. After all, we all dream of a home where there will be no quarrels and disagreements.

1. Don’t peek at someone else’s phone.

Looking at thematic family forums, you might be very surprised: dozens of people share ways surveillance during the second half, they discuss how to discreetly check a husband’s phone or read his wife’s personal messages on social networks. It seems that this question really worries many people.

It seems that we have begun to forget that a happy family life is built on trust and mutual respect on all sides. If you don’t care how your relationship will develop after you get into your spouse’s personal correspondence, then go ahead. If you find something, you will have to tell your spouse about it (few people can live with such knowledge), and then admit that you rummaged through his things. Typically, such an admission causes two things: either a stream of apologies or aggression. In any case, you can forget about normal relationships, because both options are bad.

No matter how much your spouse apologizes, you will no longer be able to trust him. His apologies will never be enough for you; it will seem that he is hiding something. Most likely, this will happen, he will just hide it better. The second option means that your partner has not valued the relationship for a long time. You will have to leave or accept it. Therefore, do not meddle in other people’s correspondence, but try to increase your partner’s love.

2. Have an hour without gadgets

We probably all have situations when, after a busy day at work, we really want to come home and just play our favorite computer game, read the news on the Internet, or watch a couple of episodes of a new TV series. As a result, family evenings became really quiet: mothers, fathers, grandmothers and children sit with their gadgets.

But listen, life passes by and we no longer know how the children are doing or what’s new with the mother-in-law. Try entering evening an hour without gadgets, and you will be surprised: there is something to talk about with your household. Playing board games, having a read-aloud night, or just chatting is how real family closeness is maintained.

3. Don't bring work home

One way or another, our professional activities make up a significant part of life. And no matter how much your favorite job absorbs you, no matter how great the temptation to escape there from everyday affairs, you should not do this, or at least you should not do it often.

Whatever you say, joint activities can unite any team, and if you are a family, then a common hobby will turn you into a real team. A healthy lifestyle is very popular now - an excellent reason for all family members to learn how to ride a bicycle, roller skate or scooter. If you are not a sports fan, then glue model airplanes, go to the movies, bake, embroider or paint; family team building is a great thing.

Joint activities help parents take a fresh look at their children, and children, in turn, get to know their parents better. Time spent together is priceless, especially if it is spent in a joyful and relaxed atmosphere. However, here you shouldn’t go too far - when choosing a common hobby, you need to listen to all family members and find a balance between your interests and the hobbies of your relatives, not demand from children what they cannot do simply due to age, and also remain patient and calm .

5. Live separately from your parents

No matter how much we love our wife’s or husband’s mother, it is better to live apart. Many couples who have recently started a family are confident that married life away from their parents preserves relationships within the entire clan. Not only does independent living create the necessary intimacy of marriage, it inspires newlyweds to personal growth and development.

However, everything must be taken into account circumstances, after all, elderly relatives often need guardianship and care. Aging parents need to know that they are important and loved. Don't lose touch: call mom and dad, go somewhere together and never refuse help and support. In any case, whether you live under the same roof or separately, separation from the extended family is necessary. condition formation of a full-fledged and happy cell of society.

6. Don't force your spouse to share your hobbies.

There is an opinion that spouses should be inseparable and it is necessary to share all the hobbies of your other half. How often do we see guys languishing outside the changing rooms of shopping centers, waiting for their beloved to finish trying on her 10th skirt? And what about women who heroically endure all the hardships of fishing? There are many examples. Let's just admit that some people can't stand long wanderings around stores, sleeping in a tent or going to the theater. It’s unlikely that aversion to shopping or traveling means dislike of you specifically. Nothing personal, just preference.

Children grow up more responsible and self-confident if they have a voice and can participate in family life on an equal basis with adults. Communication with children is often reduced to a minimum: parents give orders, and children obey (or disobey, depending on your luck). Moms and dads often confuse upbringing and edification, preferring instead of communicating on equal terms to hammer sets of postulates and dogmas into children's heads. However, the simplest heart-to-heart conversation contributes to the formation of trusting relationships. Isn't this the ideal family that many strive for?

Scientists at the University of California have found that the brains of children who manage their own time, set their own daily goals and evaluate the results of their work have higher levels of prefrontal cortex function. These skills help children avoid self-discipline problems and distractions.

8. Grandmother’s participation in upbringing is good

Family lunches and dinners are gradually becoming a thing of the past; given the constant lack of time, it is difficult to allocate half an hour for evening gatherings at the table. However, psychologists unanimously insist that a family should spend at least 20 minutes at the common table every day. Eating together can increase children's academic performance, reduce the likelihood of eating disorders in girls and significantly reduce rates of depression in all family members. But the main bonus from evening gatherings is, of course, communication.

However, lunch and dinner should not be strict and formal - laugh, joke and chat (just not with your mouth full, of course). Humor brings people together like nothing else.

10. Stop fighting for money

Unfortunately, the world is such that you can’t live without money. And unresolved financial disputes are among the top three causes of divorce. The burden of everyday conflicts interferes with family happiness, but all problems are solvable.

What to do? You will have to agree on the financial side of the marriage while still “on shore”. Simply put, some earn more and receive little help around the house, while others, on the contrary, devote most of their time to the family hearth. And this second person will not necessarily be a woman; in recent years, the trend of active participation of men in the household and raising children has been growing. The main thing is that there is no need to demand that the main breadwinner of the family perform equal responsibilities around the house. Is this fair?

11. Help your spouse parent

First comes love, then marriage, and then children are born and... chaos begins. Parenthood is a natural extension of marriage, but statistics show that after the birth of their first child, 69% of spouses are not satisfied with their family life.

This happens not only because of financial differences and stress, but also because parents see their responsibilities differently. Dads are tired at work, and mothers want help from them. Of course, most dads still love their children and want spend time with them. But that is until mom intervenes.

“You’re holding it wrong, you’re doing it wrong, this is the wrong jacket, you need to put on another one. There’s no need to go outside today, it’s just going to rain. We’ll buy other pants, I don’t like these.” And few dads can say: “I will do as I decide.” Needless to say, such command quickly kills the desire to do anything with the child other than five-minute hugs? Therefore, if you want help from your dad not under pressure, but sincerely, let him do his part of the responsibilities as he wants. After all, if you weren't there, do you think your child would have died with him? Hardly.

12. Don't discuss your spouse with anyone.

Who should not talk about problems in the family:

To parents. Of course, for many, mom is their best friend. But parents love so much that they are unlikely to ever forgive those who offended their children. And you will forgive your negligent spouse, perhaps even during the conversation, but your mother will remember for a very long time.
Colleagues. Surely your co-workers are not eager to know all the details of your personal life. The working relationship should remain politely neutral.

Not every family can boast that there are no quarrels and disagreements. Unfortunately, this is part of family life. And some parents simply cannot imagine a showdown without loud shouting and swearing - such are Italian passions. However, it must be remembered that arguing in front of your own children is an evil that must be avoided.

Parents' stress affects the well-being of children - this has long been proven by psychologists. Loud screams, accusations and family dramas are not meant for children's ears. The house should be an unbreakable fortress, a stronghold of peace, where you want to return. Moreover, children often feel their guilt for parental disagreements.

15. Chat with friends

Once you start a family, don't try to end old friendships. Just be part of something bigger than your little social unit. The main thing is that this communication brings only positive emotions, and that your friends are positive people.

Do you have your own secrets for a happy family life? Share them in the comments.

Factors of family cohesion

Understanding family cohesion as a special phenomenon formed under the influence of a number of mechanisms requires deeper analysis and detail. The factors that provide centripetal or centrifugal forces in the family are extremely diverse. In the most general form they were outlined in the previous paragraph. Let's look at them in more detail.

As for any other small group, the compatibility of views, beliefs, rules, i.e., is of great importance for the family. a single system of values, which is fully consistent, for example, with the concept of A.V. Petrovsky, who considered cohesion as a value-oriented unity.

In family psychology, the criterion of value orientation is considered as one of the grounds for classifying families. Based on this, the following types of families are distinguished: child-centered and personality-centered, “consumption” family, psychotherapeutic family, “vanity” family, etc.

It is obvious that for each of these types of families, different factors will play a leading role in cohesion. For example, for a child-centered family, raising children, the child’s personality, and caring for him constitute a priority functioning value. Obviously, the presence of children will be a powerful factor in family cohesion, while their absence can lead not only to a decrease in the level of cohesion, but also to the breakup of a married couple.

Personality-centric families see the main purpose of the family in creating conditions for personal growth and self-realization. This kind of family can often be found in the creative field. Here, the factors of cohesion will be the educational level, mutual support of spouses in their activities, often common interests specifically in the sphere of activity: creative families, trade unions.

The “consumption” family, which, according to E. Fromm, implements the “have” mode, is oriented toward accumulation. Here, marriage is, first of all, a partnership based on mutual benefit. Naturally, the factors of cohesion in a consumer family will be material values: an apartment, a car, a bank account, etc. will determine the level of mutual attraction between the spouses.

The family of “vanity” fights for social status, prestige, advancement on the ladder of achievement, success and recognition. For such families, the fundamental issue is the status of the partner; for example, a divorce in such a family may be due to the husband’s desire to find a new life partner who meets his career plans, and the wife selects a new husband in accordance with his belonging to a certain circle.

Considering the diversity of family values, it can be assumed that the classification of families according to the types of shared values is to a certain extent conditional in nature, however, it seems completely indisputable that a sharp divergence in value orientations can significantly reduce the level of cohesion in the family. For example, if one of the spouses considers an inferior family without children, and the second categorically refuses to have them, then the level of cohesion in such a family will rapidly decrease and at a certain point in time the family will collapse. Thus, the factor of family cohesion will be not so much specific factors as the consistency of family values.

Another fundamentally important mechanism of family cohesion is “common family fate”, which means that an individual connects his plans for future life with his family. This quality of a strong family union is somewhat different from the parameters traditional for other social groups, such as, for example, achieving some specific success (sports team), solving educational problems (school or student team), implementing a commercial project (production team), etc. P. And the main distinguishing feature here is long-termism. The vast majority of families are formed as an indefinite union, implying a long (ideally coinciding with the entire life of the partners, which is well illustrated by folklore - “they lived happily ever after and died on the same day”) cohabitation of partners. It is the success of life in general, and not just the solution of some specific, albeit important, tasks that is the goal of marriage.

Thus, the psychological mechanisms and criteria of family cohesion in their main parameters are also fully consistent with general theoretical ideas about cohesion - Table 1.

Table 1 - Comparison of theoretical approaches to the classification of psychological mechanisms of group cohesion and family cohesion

Psychological mechanism of cohesion	Group cohesion	Family cohesion	The action of the mechanism in family relationships
Interpersonal attraction	creates a variety of interpersonal positive incentives, increasing internal cohesion in the group	in general opinion, acts as the basis for the formation of a family (love, mutual sympathy, affection, etc.)	removal of frustration states, favorable conditions for resolving interpersonal conflicts
Group attraction	creates a desire to participate in the group	the attractiveness of family life shapes the desire to get married and maintain marriage	strengthening pro-family motives, reducing anti-family motives
Instrumental	unity of goals contributes to group cohesion common tasks create a sense of belonging and self-identification with the group	little studied in family psychology due to the greater vagueness of the concepts of “goal” and “task”, however, it has been proven that a sense of “common family destiny” is characteristic of more cohesive families	unity of goals promotes identification with the family; satisfaction of family needs is considered as satisfaction of personal needs
Value-orientation unity	common values of the attitude contribute to group cohesion	common installation values are a key condition for marital compatibility, contribute to family cohesion	family life becomes the most natural and convenient way to satisfy life’s needs: material, everyday, sexual, understanding, communication, respect, etc.
Integrity	Integrative characteristics of a group that determine its effectiveness	An integrative parameter of the family system that determines its stability and ability to respond to external and internal influences	Formation of a “common family destiny”, development of family trust

Since cohesion is a dynamic characteristic, psychologists have long been interested in assessing the level of cohesion. The methodological apparatus for studying group cohesion is represented either by sociometric techniques in various versions, or by special sympathy scales. The sociometric coefficient of group cohesion is the quotient of dividing the number of mutual positive choices by their theoretically possible number. The second methodological approach - studying the emotional assessment of the group as a whole - is represented by the technique of scales - questions.

Specialists in the field of family psychology have not ignored this issue either. Various authors have addressed this topic (K. Russell, D. Sprenkle, etc.), but the most famous is the model of D. Olson, who identified four levels of cohesion and, accordingly, four types of families:

The disunited type, which is characterized by a low degree of cohesion among family members and relationships of alienation;

The divided type is low, approaching a moderate degree of cohesion; suggests emotional distance from family members;

The cohesive type is moderate and approaching the high cohesion type; involves emotional closeness of family members;

The linked type of cohesion is too high, this is accompanied by a low degree of differentiation of family members (in the concept of group cohesion, this phenomenon is described by the term depersonalization).

Separated and connected levels of cohesion are, according to D. Olson, balanced and ensure the most optimal family functioning. These two levels of cohesion have a beneficial effect on the psychological state of all family members, regardless of its structure, maintaining a favorable emotional climate. These types of family cohesion are the norm, a kind of balance. Such families combine independence from each other and at the same time close ties. Families with a divided type of relationship are characterized by emotional separation, but family members are still able to get together, do common things, and provide each other with help and support.

Disconnected and linked levels of family cohesion are unbalanced, acting as a deviation from the norm, albeit with different signs (“plus” and “minus”). If the level of cohesion is too high (linked), then individual family members cannot act independently of each other. There is a lot of agreement in the family, but the relationships between family members do not have clear differentiation. The family has rigid external boundaries with the environment and weak internal boundaries between individuals. There are few friends and interests that are not shared with others. One can also assume the formation of such super-cohesion under the influence of other mechanisms, for example, the powerful dominance of one of the family members, forming a system of not just subordination, but suppression.

In a family with a low level of cohesion (a disjointed system), family members are often emotionally distant from each other and experience virtually no affection for each other. In such a family, competitive relationships can take place. The family almost never gets together, does not have common friends and interests, and difficulties arise in providing support to each other.

Emphasizing the specificity of assessing family cohesion as a small group, D. Olson introduces the concept of “adaptation”, i.e. family flexibility. It is defined as a characteristic of how flexible or, conversely, rigidly the family system is able to adapt to various stressors, how capable the family is of changing its role structure in accordance with the tasks of the family life cycle.

On the flexibility scale, D. Olson also identified four levels:

Very low (rigid);

Low to moderate (structured);

Moderate (flexible);

Very high (chaotic).

The family system can become rigid, since as it passes through the stages of the life cycle, it can cease to respond to vital tasks. At the same time, the family also loses the ability to change and adapt to a new situation for it. According to D. Olson, a system often becomes rigid when it is overly hierarchical, that is, there is a certain family member who is in charge and controls everything.

A chaotic family system has unstable or limited leadership. Decisions that have been made in the family are ill-conceived, roles are unclear and often shift from one family member to another. A large number of changes leads to unpredictability of what happens in the system.

Structured and flexible types are balanced. Structured systems are characterized by features of democratic leadership: family members can discuss common problems, and therefore it is easier to reach a compromise. Roles and family rules are stable in the family, but they can be discussed.

A flexible type of family system is also characterized by democratic relations, i.e. taking into account the interests of all family members. If necessary, roles are divided between family members, but the problem for such families is a “lack of leadership.”

The combination of different options for cohesion and adaptability gives a fairly wide variety of family types, while some of the combinations increase the functionality of the family (an indicator to a certain extent similar to efficiency in relation to a social group), and some form dysfunctional forms.

Another feature of family cohesion is the destructiveness (dysfunctionality) of its too high level. In formalized social groups (organizations, study groups, etc.) such a phenomenon occurs extremely rarely, while in families, especially deeply hierarchical ones, when one of the spouses takes on the role of absolute leader, it is a fairly common phenomenon.

Thus, summing up the analysis of the concept of “family cohesion”, we can conclude that it correlates with the concepts of group cohesion in its main characteristics (multidimensionality, dynamism, instrumentality, emotional component, degree of value-orientation unity). Distinctive features of family cohesion are the higher role of the emotional principle in relationships, as well as a different approach to instrumentality - the family is united not so much by the need to achieve a specific goal and solve certain specific problems, but by the horizon of vision of the family future, common views on various spheres and phenomena of life.

Teenager's blood pressure.

The pressure fluctuates due to the fact that physiological growth does not correspond to the growth of internal organs. Consult a doctor - he will prescribe therapy aimed at strengthening blood vessels, vitamin therapy, and moderate physical activity.

Perhaps today the role of the family in our society is not as high as in former times. However, it remains one of the main values, and family traditions are designed to strengthen the relationship between parents and children. We will talk about how to develop and find new traditions, why this is so important, and what impact such rituals have on a child.

What are the benefits of family traditions?

According to psychologists, family traditions are very important for both adults and children. They help kids see in their parents not only strict educators, but also cheerful friends. Rituals also make it possible to feel that the family is a single whole, and not just “elders” and “younger”. It’s the kind of family that grown children want to return to again and again.

During childhood, family traditions give the child a sense of integrity and confidence in his parents. He knows for sure that he and mom and dad have interesting things to do in common, and he will not be left alone in his room. And subsequently, pleasant memories serve as the foundation for creating traditions in a new family.

How to develop family traditions?

Even if it seems to you that there are no common traditions in your family, this is not so. Surely you have small rituals that you simply do not pay enough attention to. For example, you ask your child to help make cookie dough or you go shopping on the weekend. You can add interesting details to these routine little things and make them a source of family pride. Tell your children how excited you are that you will soon be baking their favorite cookies and that you look forward to their help in the kitchen. Of course, the work should be crowned with a pleasant tea party, during which everyone in turn will tell the latest remarkable events.

By the way, it is not necessary to invent new family traditions; they can be “rented.” Ask your friends with children what they like to do together. If you love the idea of an evening game of Monopoly, why not try it at home? Don’t be afraid of new ideas and rituals, study them and feel free to borrow suitable ones!

Of course, in this matter it is important not to overdo it with persuasion and pressure. Seeing that your children don’t want to go for a morning run every day, don’t force them, even if it seems like a great, healthy idea to you. In addition, as needed, look for replacements for established traditions when they cease to inspire family members.

Basic family traditions

Each family independently chooses suitable rituals for itself. However, there are traditions that have been tested for centuries and are aimed specifically at bringing children and parents closer together, so it will be useful to take note of them.

First of all, it is a gathering of all family members for lunch or dinner, where they share news and impressions with each other in a friendly atmosphere. Ideally, this should happen every day, and a century ago it did. But today we are used to rushing and snacking on the go in a free moment, setting the table only for children. Therefore, it is worth trying to revive the tradition of family dinners at least once a week.

Board games are an activity that people of all ages are crazy about. They are always associated with a fun time and bond between parents and children, helping everyone feel equal. Choose a game that everyone likes: it could be lotto, dominoes, monopoly, scrabble, or just putting together puzzles together.

Another undeservedly forgotten tradition is the family photo album. We are already accustomed to storing all photographs in electronic format. However, why not print out the most successful photographs and paste them into a large, beautiful album, which will then be reviewed for many years? These pictures can be accompanied by funny captions or you can tell children the events associated with the day captured. This is how a whole family history is written!

What do you think brings a family together and what makes it cohesive? Of course, not the very fact of being under the same roof, not the stamp in the passport and not direct kinship. The family is united by common aspirations, activities, interests and competent conflict resolution, which are a natural component of the normal functioning of any team.

During the falling in love stage, it usually doesn't take much effort to successfully resolve disputes. As a rule, lovers try not to conflict because they want to be liked more. But then the hormonal levels return to normal, the intensity of emotions decreases, children are born and after them additional problems appear, so a couple who does not know how to intelligently resolve their conflicts increasingly gets bogged down in an atmosphere of chronic quarrel, experiencing irritation from failed attempts to fix something. And gradually moving away from each other.

Conflicts in the family happen for a variety of reasons: from minor everyday troubles to universal confrontations. And they manifest themselves in different ways: some speak calmly, some shout, some sulk for two or three weeks.

And if there is a conflict in the family, this is normal. This means that family members care about each other, and their relationships are developing. And in order for the family to remain united in the presence of conflicts, it is necessary to resolve them correctly, revealing their true causes in a timely manner and working with them .

Causes of family conflicts

Usually quarrels, disputes and confrontations arise due to the unmet needs of one or more family members. This need can be personal, physiological or emotional. An unmet need causes a lot of stress, which does not help in any way to experience satisfaction. A person cannot live in tension for long, so conflict arises.

Let's give an example. One family I know almost fell apart because of slot machines. Beautiful wife Irina, calm working husband Igor, inquisitive child. Everything was completely cloudless until money, things and savings from accounts began to disappear from the apartment. My husband kept giving different reasons. One day, Ira couldn’t find the money she had saved for food. When Igor confessed everything, there was a terrible scandal with throwing dishes and breaking windows. Fortunately, the child was with his grandfather.

Ira and Igor were unable to quickly solve the problem, they often argued, the child felt a conflict, became whiny and capricious. Later, the older generation of the family also became involved in the scandal. The mother-in-law blamed Ira for everything: “You are not a match for my son, you don’t know how to interest him, you’re a bad cook, so he ran away to the machines. And be glad you’re not with your mistress.” Ira's mother accused

Igor in failure, carelessness and laziness. And the grandfather actually wanted to take his grandson with him.

As we see, the family was divided, and the conflict revealed other suppressed needs of everyone. And no one asked Igor: “Why did you do this?”

This is where the second reason for family conflicts emerges - lack of information to make a decision. Often, not all family members talk about their views, interests, and needs until it comes up in a conflict. Some people have no time to talk about it, some are ashamed, and so on.

What to do if there is a conflict in the family

Remove children from the “battlefield”. Children are very emotional and traumatic, they should not see insults, throwing dishes, or breaking windows. Not to mention the physical impact. If you want to quarrel, take a walk outside or quietly sort things out while the child is sleeping, or at least in another room.
Turn on your wisdom, rationality and calmness. Without all this, it is impossible to effectively solve the problem.
Understand that conflicts are normal. And defending your point of view, too.
Stop strangers with their needs. In the above example, it would be useful for Ira to stop her mother-in-law like this: “We are now discussing slot machines, not me. Thank you for worrying about us. We'll figure it out ourselves." Irina’s mother could be stopped like this: “Thank you for your support. Please don't insult my husband. We'll figure it out ourselves."
Determine the true cause of the conflict. As practice shows, when a person gets into problems, he does not think about others and the consequences and problems that he will bring to the family. In other words, a person does not purposefully set out to harm his family.

In this case, it is important to tell the culprit without emotion what consequences his behavior led to. It is also important to describe your emotions. Next you will need to ask: “Why/why did you do this? What did you want? What was missing? Sometimes this may require the help of a psychologist. Later, in a frank conversation with Igor, it turned out that his wife’s authoritarianism put a lot of pressure on him, he didn’t like living “according to plan” and really wanted “excitement, emotions, drive.”

Together, come up with alternative, safe ways to meet these needs. In our example, Igor became interested in parachuting and began to actively participate in city quests. And Ira went to work as a teacher and realized her authoritarianism in class management.
Together we can figure out how to eliminate the consequences. Igor voluntarily stopped communicating with slot machines, returned the money, bought the necessary things and began to spend more time with his family.
Don't go back to what you've done. If the conflict is truly resolved, it is absolutely forbidden to discuss it further. Even as an example. As they say, “whoever remembers the old is out of sight.”

I wish you not to be ashamed to voice your needs to your family in a timely manner, implement them in safe ways, and then everything will be fine.