Gentleman's code. Rules of conduct for gentlemen of the Victorian era, still relevant today

Good afternoon to you, if you haven't bothered me yet :)

Today I would like to talk about the so-called Code of a Gentleman - an Elegant Aristocrat. Of course, I have no doubt that many, if not all, of the gentlemen present here know these simple rules. :)

Strict adherence to the rules of etiquette and social norms made the Englishman of the 19th century an example to follow, a model of good manners and decency in the eyes of all subsequent generations.

And so, I present to you... in the end we got 24 basic rules from the “gentleman’s pocket code” according to TrendyMen magazine (Trendymen.ru). Some of them have still not lost their relevance, and some, alas, are a thing of the past.

1. Modesty in a suit is always preferable, as it endears others to the wearer.
A modest person is rarely the object of envy.

3. Being a good listener is a great talent, which is not easy to develop. A well-educated person should possess it, no matter how hard it may be for him.

4. Every well-mannered person knows how to remove his hat gracefully.

5. Well-mannered people rarely wear the latest fashion. This is the privilege of dandies and posers. However, dressing well is a great virtue.
Lord Chesterfield said: “Excessive clothing implies an erroneous perception of the world.”

6. Prudence and honorable behavior, like silver money, are always valuable.

7. Every parent should teach their child the art of using cutlery. There is nothing more frustrating than finding yourself in front of a dish that you don't know how to eat correctly.

8. Lord Chesterfield said: “Dancing is a trifling and stupid activity, but it is a form of social madness into which even sensible people must plunge from time to time.”
If you accompany your wife to a dance party, never dance with her except for the very first dance*.

9. The women's restroom is a place where no gentleman should ever go.

10. Gentlemen should not gather in groups and leave ladies unattended.

11. When walking up stairs with ladies, walk to their side or in front, but not behind them.

12. When passing lonely ladies on the street, do not speed up or slow down. Do not look too closely at the dress of such ladies.

13. When receiving guests, do everything possible to make them feel at home. Simply inviting them to feel at home is not enough.

14. Talking to an idle person once is enough to hear everything he knows in this life.

15. It is not enough to simply nod to a lady you meet on the street, or simply touch your hat. The headdress must be removed; this is a sign of basic respect for her gender.

16. A man who accompanies a lady while smoking a cigar questions her reputation.

17. A gentleman should not stand in hotel doorways or on street corners watching ladies pass by.

18. When a man marries, all his past relationships should end, unless he hints at a desire to renew them.

19. Don't be selfish, but give in on small things.

20. If you have been introduced to a person of higher social status, when you meet him again, you should not show that you recognize him until he himself shows signs of recognition.

21. Never talk about the musical talents of one lady to another.

22. To ridicule a person in his presence or absence is humiliating for a gentleman. Witty ridicule may make others laugh, but will not earn their respect.

23. Never read in public.

24. When alone, watch your thoughts; with your family, watch your character; among friends, watch your language.

* According to paragraph 8, a small addition: with the lady with whom the gentleman came to the dance evening, it was appropriate to dance no more than three dances. At least this rule is now followed at historical balls

Sometimes in childhood adults praise little men with the mysterious word “gentleman.” Helped your mother cope with a heavy bag or carried an old lady across the road? Immediately: “You are a real gentleman!” And this word is pronounced in such a tone that you already consider it a compliment that pleasantly tickles your pride.

Over time, additional characteristics and distinctive signs are added to this foreign word, which creates confusion! Therefore, sometimes a real gentleman is associated with a “real man”, a “snob”, a “ladies man” or even a “lousy intellectual”. Today we will destroy these myths and show you a man who lives in the gentleman style.

Communicate like a gentleman

Do you think that a gentleman is a spherical “real man” in a vacuum? This is not entirely true, because a “man” will not reach into his pocket for a word, but a “gentleman” will do... the same thing, but stylishly and beautifully.

"Magic Words"

Gentlemen say "please" and "thank you." Always, everyone, under any circumstances: you answer a call from a spammer advertising loans or contact a waiter who is in no hurry to take your order. Just try these words right now: “thank you”, “please”, “be kind”, “thank you”! He said it, and he felt good himself, but what can we say about those around us, who, perhaps, hear such things very rarely. The cashier, waiter and spammer will not forget you after such “magic words” (although we wish the guy with the loans would stop calling you).

Don't look away at your phone!

Imagine an interesting conversation in which everyone is interested in participating. One appropriate joke, the second, a witty remark! You are the real star of the conversation, everything is going well - exactly until one of the conversation participants receives an urgent message on Facebook. Hey! Think about how unpleasant it is to be on the losing end of an unequal battle with your phone. But gentlemen do not look through SMS messages on a date, do not play angry birds at a work meeting, and do not go online during a play or movie, illuminating a dark hall with the bright screen of their smartphone.

How not to be a snob (or at least not show it)?

If a gentleman is not a “man,” then he is probably a “snob.” This is not true, because a snob claims to have high intelligence and taste, but treats the majority arrogantly. This is a bit ungentlemanly, so it is better to speak to everyone in a positive way and not talk down to them. After all, the gentleman remembers the American proverb: “Be polite to everyone. You never know who will be on the twelve jurors.”

Behave like a gentleman

So, we have decided that a gentleman is not a “snob”. This means that he is a “macho”, who is distinguished by his straightforwardness and pronounced sexual attractiveness. It’s not the same either, because a real gentleman always answers the following two questions correctly.

How to respect your own and other people's boundaries?

You can clearly see what foreign borders are like in Italian and German cafes. Italians are not shy about sitting back to back and feel comfortable in a crowd. The Germans, on the contrary, try to keep a maximum distance from each other so as not to disturb someone else's personal space. A gentleman never forgets that some are Italian at heart, while others act a little aloof. He is observant and can assess the situation in the company even before he finds himself at the common table. It's simple: if everyone is sitting in a close circle, then you can move closer to those gathered, and if your interlocutors keep their distance, then it’s better for you to follow their example.

Who pays at a bar or restaurant?

If you're in a company, by default everyone pays for themselves. When going to dinner with a business partner or potential client, a gentleman will take an amount that will help pay for his own and someone else’s order. For what? There are often cases when a wealthy person may refer to the lack of banknotes. In such cases, the gentleman pays for two, does not spoil his mood, but draws the appropriate conclusions. If you're on a date, always offer to pay for dinner. The lady persistently refuses? Then let her pay her half. You shouldn’t do her a favor and take away the invoice folder with the words “I’m pleased to treat you.” You just need to pay and that's it. More detailed gentlemanly dating tips can be found below.

Date like a gentleman

The lady has agreed to meet you and knows that you are a gentleman. She wants to feel relaxed in your company, and not escape the clutches of a “ladies man.” This is a pure lady (otherwise you wouldn’t be talking to her right now), so she deserves the perfect date.

How to react to being late?

Psychologists say that there are two reactions to being late: to wait for the girl and not to wait for her. Perhaps a gentleman should stay a while when the girl is very nervous about being late. At the same time, she asks her to wait and keeps you informed of her movements via SMS: “Okay, I’ve already gotten out of the traffic jam. I’ll be parking in 5 minutes,” etc. In general, it demonstrates how important you are to her. But if she is completely apathetic and, in principle, she doesn’t care whether you wait for her or leave, the answer is obvious.

How to deal with a feminist?

The f-word has already acquired a negative connotation, so men are wary of girls who, on the first date, declare: “I am a feminist!” The main thing here is not to draw hasty conclusions, this is not very gentlemanly, but to remember that everyone believes in feminism or little green men in their own way. The girl you're on a date with may have her own unique interpretation of feminism. Show a keen interest in her ideology and try to gently find out what she means by this word and why she considers herself a feminist. Perhaps your views on life will even coincide.

What topics of conversation should we leave for closer acquaintance?

Of course, a true gentleman is sincerely interested in his interlocutor and talks about what she likes. These words were carved in stone a long time ago and are an axiom of relationships. But not everyone is aware of taboo topics that are recommended to be tactfully avoided for the sake of everyone’s peace.

So, on the first date, apart from the well-known no-nos like politics and religion, you shouldn’t start talking about parents (it’s better to ask about brothers and sisters), former lovers (it’s just not worth it), career plans (suddenly she’s missing stars from the sky right now). The best method is to gently probe the waters with leading questions. You will notice that the topic is successful by the sparkle in the girl’s eyes: it means that this question really interests her - develop it. And on the contrary: even the most harmless topic in your opinion can stir up unpleasant memories and ruin the evening. Try to turn off the wrong path in time if you notice sad notes in your interlocutor’s voice and don’t push if she doesn’t want to continue the topic. As a true gentleman, you should express your concern for the lady's experiences, but don't get carried away by the drama - it's better to change the topic to something more pleasant. And yes, don’t forget about yourself! If a lady is really interested in you, she will be interested in your views.

Eat like a gentleman

Thousands of books have been written and a million infographics have been drawn on the topic of table etiquette. Mortal boredom! After all, a real gentleman is not a “lousy intellectual” who drinks tea with his little finger stuck out. This is a person who comes out of any table situation with dignity.

What to talk about at the table?

The ability to quickly and easily establish contact is what makes a gentleman a gentleman. It is convenient to perform such tricks at the table using a few simple rules:

1. If you're in a large group, try to include everyone in the conversation, not just a select few. Maintain eye contact even with those who remain silent.
2. Express your point of view directly and clearly. This way you motivate your interlocutors to express their opinions and actively express themselves. Yes, not everyone will agree with you, but the conversation will start.
3. Have a few funny stories in your stash. Everyone loves interesting life situations, told picturesquely and in the first person. By the way, the story may not be yours, but it is 100% interesting!

How to refuse an exotic dish?

A gentleman should not, out of politeness, choke on all the dishes that are offered to him. You can only make such a sacrifice while visiting your beloved grandmother. But haggis made from lamb offal, which Scotland is famous for, or an overseas delicacy that quickly crawls off your plate are not the most tempting treats. To avoid offence, you can gently ask if there is anything completely obvious in the dish. After answering, I immediately say in disappointment (and not joyfully): “Thank you, but I can’t try. It’s a shame, but I’m allergic to this product.”

How to give up drinking correctly?

Do you know the joke about a real gentleman who masterfully knows how to refuse and agree to drink at the same time? He says: “Oh, leave it!” But seriously, it’s better to refer to the friends whom you promised to take home. It is advisable to talk about this in a friendly manner, and not irritably. But if the interlocutor continues to insist, the gentleman may well refuse with equal pressure. After all, a gentleman is expected to respect not only the interests of others, but also his own.

Is this what you do every day? We applaud you! Yes, right now, standing. You are used to behaving like a gentleman, and this is worthy of praise. But if you have something to work with, go for it! It's very nice to be a gentleman. We're sure you'll love it!

a woman who creates conditions in which a man has only one thing left to do - to be a gentleman

In England: the wife of a lord, as well as a married woman of the aristocratic circle

Polite address to a girl in England

Lord's wife in England

Wife of a Lord or Baronet (obsolete)

Women's title in England

Married woman of the aristocratic circle

Noble lady from high society, aristocrat

World champion Vera Menchik was called “the first... of the chess world” behind her back.

Mistress

Shakespeare's heroine in the tragedy "Macbeth"

Married aristocratic woman in England

Orson Welles' film "...from Shanghai"

Elite Mrs.

A woman who doesn't need emancipation

Pamphlet by the American writer Harriet Beecher Stowe “Justification... Byron”

The musical by American composer K. Porter “DuBarry Was...”

Musical by American composer F. Lowe “Delightful...”

Musical by American composer F. Lowe “My Fair...”

Françoise Sagan's novel "The Painted..."

Film by Tinto Brass "Everyone...does it"

. "flying" Rolls-Royce emblem

Shakespeare's Macbeth

Iron... - Margaret Thatcher

Baba in business

Gentleman's woman

Aristocrat

Wife of a Lord or Baronet

Mistress from Manchester

. "mistress of the house" (English)

Gentleman's couple

Lord's Lady

And gentlemen!

Lord's wife

High society woman

Hamilton

High society lady

Lord's Consort

English madam

Film "Everyone...does it"

Gentleman

He is a gentleman, and she?

Lady in high circles

Noble Englishwoman

Business woman

. “...Macbeth of Mtsensk District” (film)

Lady from high circles

Mary Poppins title

Walking arm in arm with a gentleman

. “Frau and... sat by the harps”

Pair to a gentleman

First... states

Flying Rolls-Royce emblem

English aristocrat

Mistress from London

Lord's other half

Noble Englishwoman

Pair for the lord

Spy Richelieu...Winter

Appeal to Godiva

Aristocrat from England

Title of Shakespeare's Macbeth

Arm in arm with a gentleman

English lady

Englishwoman of blue blood

Socialite in England

Lady in England

Aristocrat in England

Polite address to a girl in England

Surprisingly, for more than 100 years, the rules of good manners have remained virtually unchanged.

The concept of the word "gentleman" has changed and developed over time, going from denoting a representative of a high class to simply a well-mannered, balanced and imperturbable person who adheres to certain rules of behavior. And, of course, the main distinguishing feature of a gentleman was not his clothes and hat, but his strict adherence to the principles, the so-called “gentleman’s code.”

We would like to introduce you to the basic rules of communication for gentlemen, which were first published in 1875 in A Gentleman’s Guide to Etiquette by Cecil B. Hartley.

And almost all the rules of gentleman behavior still apply today. Let's behave like educated people.

1. The height of bad manners is distraction while talking on your watch, handset or notebook. Even if you are tired and bored, don't show it.

2. Never interrupt someone who is speaking. Even simply clarifying the wrong date can be impolite if no one asked you to do so. It’s even worse to finish a person’s thought for a person or to rush him in any way. Listen to the end of an anecdote or story, even one you already know.

3. Never try to prove that you are right by raising your voice, being arrogant, or using derogatory language. Always be nice and frank, free from any dictatorship.

4. Never, unless of course asked to do so, talk about your own business or profession in public. At all pay less attention to yourself.

5. A gentleman with real intelligence and culture is usually modest. He may feel, when in the company of ordinary people, that he is intellectually superior to those around him, but he will not strive to show his superiority over them. He will not seek to touch upon topics in which the interlocutors do not have relevant knowledge. Everything he says is always marked by politeness and respect for the feelings and opinions of others.

6. No less important than the ability to speak well, ability to listen with interest. This is what makes a person an excellent conversationalist and distinguishes a person from good society.

7. Never listen to a conversation between two people that is not intended for you. If they are so close that you can't help but hear them, you can respectfully just move to another location.

8. Try to be as brief and to the point as possible. Avoid prolonged distractions and irrelevant comments.

9. If you listen to flattery, then you must also open the gates of stupidity and excessive self-conceit.

10. Even if you are sure that your opponent is completely wrong, keep the discussion calm express arguments and counter-arguments without getting personal. If you see that the interlocutor is adamant in his delusion, then cleverly move the conversation to another subject, leaving him the opportunity to save face and you to avoid anger and irritation.

11. Have, if you like, strong political convictions. But do not stick them out on any occasion and, under no circumstances, do not force other people to agree with you. Listen calmly to other opinions and do not get involved in heated arguments. Let your interlocutor think that you are a bad politician, but do not give him reason to doubt that you are a gentleman.

12. When talking about your friends, don't compare them to each other. Talk about the virtues of each, but do not try to enhance the virtues of one by contrasting the vices of the other.

13. Avoid any topics in conversation that could traumatize those who are absent. A gentleman will never slander or listen to slander.

14. Even a witty person becomes tiresome and ill-mannered when he tries to completely absorb the attention of a company.

15. Avoid using quotes and thoughts of the great too often. As a seasoning for food, they can brighten a conversation, but too much of them spoils the dish.

16. Avoid pedantry. This is not a sign of intelligence, but of stupidity.

17. Speak your native language correctly, at the same time, do not be too big a supporter of the formal correctness of phrases.

18. Never make comments if others make mistakes in their speech. Drawing attention by word or other action to such mistakes of the interlocutor is a sign of bad manners.

19. If you are a specialist or scientist, avoid using technical terms. This is in bad taste because many will not understand them. If, however, you happen to use such a word or phrase, an even greater mistake would be to immediately rush to explain its meaning. Nobody will thank you for highlighting their ignorance like that..

20. Never try to play the role of a jester in a company, because very quickly you will gain fame as the “funny person” for parties. This role is unacceptable for a true gentleman. Strive to ensure that your interlocutors laugh with you, but not at you.

21. Avoid bragging. Talking about your money, connections, opportunities is very bad taste. In the same way, you cannot be proud of your closeness with outstanding people, even if it occurs. Constantly emphasizing “my friend, Governor X,” or “my close acquaintance, President Y” is pompous and unacceptable.

22. Don’t try to give your image too much depth and sophistication. contemptuously refusing cheerful conversations, jokes and entertainment. Try to act in accordance with the society you are in, as long as it does not conflict with other rules of a gentleman.

23. It is completely rude, indecent and stupid to insert quotes, expressions and terms in a foreign language into your speech.

24. If you feel yourself getting angry in a conversation, either move on to another topic or shut up. You may utter words in the heat of passion that you would never use in a calm state of mind, and for which you will later bitterly repent.

25. “Never talk about a rope in the presence of a person whose relative has been hanged” - this, although somewhat rude, is a true folk proverb. Thoroughly avoid topics that may be too personal for the other person, do not interfere in other people's family affairs. Do not seek to discuss other people's secrets, but if you are still entrusted with them. then consider this as a very valuable sign and never transfer your knowledge to a third party.

26. Although travel contributes to the development of a gentleman’s mind and outlook, you should still not insert phrases in any case: “when I was in Paris...”, “they don’t wear this in Italy...” and so on.

27. Avoid gossip. This looks disgusting in a woman, but for a man it is absolutely vile.

Women often wonder why male behavior not always worthy. How can he behave like this? But there is nothing to be surprised about - the current mass culture only encourages ill-mannered and arrogant men; the standards of behavior accepted now would have horrified people just thirty years ago.

Many will say that this time is gone forever, and gentleman Now you can’t find it during the day with fire. Let's change this together! It's time for men to think about the fact that noble and well-mannered behavior is always in fashion. If you behave as described below, women will line up in droves to get some of your precious attention.

And women need to understand that allowing their man to lead him anyhow- a disservice to yourself. Know how to guide your man so that he is always on top!

Rules of conduct for a true gentleman

1. A gentleman opens the door for a lady
   Opening the door is not a gesture of condescension, but politeness and respect. When letting a lady go ahead, you can always admire what she looks like from behind! It is also important to open the car door - this is also a great opportunity to control a woman who might slam the door of your favorite car too hard.
2. A gentleman chooses a roadside path
   When a man walks along the sidewalk and takes a position by the side of the road, he protects the woman from rapidly passing cars, from debris and splashes of water from puddles.



3. Gentleman watching the amount of alcohol
   This is one of the first points to remember to avoid awkward situations. A man controls what and how much the woman next to him drinks - he maintains a balance between an empty glass and the desire of the fair half to drink more than is necessary just for a good mood.
4. Gentleman shares outerwear
   In cold, wind, rain and snow, a man always has something ready that he can take off and offer to a woman as an escape from bad weather. Very romantic…



5. The gentleman is punctual
   There are no excuses for being late - that's all. Both women and men must arrive on time. Perhaps there is an ideal parallel world somewhere where exactly this happens.



6. The gentleman is not lazy to stand up
   When a woman enters a room, a man stands up, maybe not to his full height. This sign of respect is easy to attract the attention of any girl.



7. Gentleman giving compliments
   It is not necessary for a man to say pompous language - the main thing is that it is sincere!



8. Gentleman helping lady to sit down
   The man pulls out a chair for the woman and gently holds her as she sits down.



9. Gentleman gives way
   A man gets up from his favorite place everywhere and always - in the subway, on the bus, anywhere. It’s not difficult, but how much does such an action mean! By giving way, a man shows love for his neighbors and his noble nature at the same time.
10. Gentleman helping woman with coat
    A man helps a woman take off and put on her outerwear. This is how he shows his care and strength.



11. A gentleman remembers to say “thank you” and “please”
    Words of politeness are magical, every man remembers this and uses them appropriately.
12. A gentleman behaves appropriately at the table
    Talking with your mouth full, slurping and putting a knife aside where you can’t do without it - no self-respecting man would do this. Is it true?



13. A gentleman is never rude
    Not the bartender, not the wait staff, not the salesman, not the conductor - no one, ever. And not in the presence of a lady. Well, or he can do it, but then he will turn from a man into an ass and a snob.
14. Gentleman pays
    For a man to pay for dinner is natural. Once again, no one will refuse to demonstrate their financial well-being to their lady and everyone around them!



15. Gentleman escorts
    Life hack: when accompanying a woman to the door of her house, a man can be 100 percent sure that she went exactly there.



16. Gentleman listening
    When participating in a conversation, a man speaks and listens at the same time, never interrupts his interlocutor, and is attentive to other people’s words. The ability to listen attracts other people to you; this is a secret that will make it very easy for you to make new acquaintances, including women.



17. A gentleman stands by his words
    A man knows how to keep secrets and not talk too much. A well-mannered man thinks before he says anything, much less promises, and always keeps what he promises.
18. A gentleman will never be rude to a woman
    A man will not assert himself at the expense of a woman - he will never be rude, and, moreover, raise a hand against a woman. This is not discussed.
19. Gentleman takes initiative
    The man has a certain ingenuity and his task is to teach the woman non-standard solutions. A man can save any situation and be proud of it.



20. A gentleman pays attention to detail
    A man always knows what size a woman’s feet are, what ring will suit her, her favorite color... He is attentive to little things because he knows how necessary it is for a woman’s happiness to feel his sincere care.



21. A gentleman respects his family
    Before making any serious decisions about a woman, he will show her to his family. A man who loves and respects his relatives will treat his wife the same way.
22. Gentleman - owner of golden hands
    A man can fix a broken thing, organize order in the house, come up with a new small invention to improve everyday life - all this can be done by a man.



23. A gentleman knows how to love
    A man knows how to love truly and is not ashamed of his feelings. He knows how to express in simple words what is going on in his soul, and is not afraid to seem sentimental.

If you were lucky to be born a man, take full advantage of your position - be a gentleman. Your noble behavior will not go unnoticed and you will achieve success in all areas of life. You just have to try to behave according to this etiquette, and everything will change! Go for it.

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